Timothy Jones in the Ring
"Welcome to UWM Saturday Night! The first UWM Saturday Night after Down To Hell Pay-Per-View. Lots happened there. Make sure to check it out,"said Steven. "No Chance" came on and Timothy Jones, John Carter, Joe Hart, Triple X, Adam Blackman, and Crispy came out. Ken said,"What the fuck is that in the ring?" They all got into the ring and Mr. Jones said,"Welcome to MY UWM Saturday Night. If you didn't know, PD Derek is still the champion BUT not for long. Now, I know you all are tired of seeing Joe Hart verses PD Derek so we will have a raffle. Joe Hart will be in the raffle but five other UWM wrestlers will be too." Timothy spun the raffle cylinder and pulled out a name. He said,"Come on out, EDGE666!" Ken said,"WHAT! EdgE666!?" Everyone laughed in the ring. Steven said,"I think I know what's going on here." Mr. Jones picked another name and said,"Come on out, Renegade!" Steven said,"Oh, come on. This is unfair. Joe's gonna get the title shot." Everyone was laughing in the ring as the crowd boo'ed. Timothy picked another name and said,"Come on out, Josh LeReux!" Everyone in the ring laughed and then, the lights went out. They stood silent as strange music played and the turnbuckle shot flames out five times. On the fifth flame, the figure in a black robe came downthe entrance ramp. Steven said,"I have a bad feeling about this..." The figure stood on the apron and pulled the hood off to reveal the face of Josh LeReux. Ken yelled,"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" He took the robe off and got into the ring. Steven said,"Oh man, this guy's big." He walked right up to Jones and stood silent. Ken said,"Mr. Jones is face-to-chest with Josh LeReux!" Timothy brought the mic to his mouth and said,"We have a main event." They all backed out of the ring to get away from Josh LeReux and Josh walked to the back. Steven said,"Josh LeReux is back and he gets a title shot without saying a word!"
Pane vs. Big Moose
Pane and the Big Moose both walked out and got in the ring. "There's no way the Big Moose can be 100% after the beating he took at the pay-per-view. It was 3 on 1 at one point," Ken said. The bell rang and the two men locked up. "This should be a good match, power vs. power, and an old rivalry between these two," Steven said. Pane got the better of the grapple and put the Big Moose in a headlock. The Big Moose swung Pane off into the ropes, but Pane came back with a dropkick that rocked the Big Moose. Pane got back up, slid down and dropkicked the Big Moose's knees. "That's the way to do it. That's the only way you're going to get the Big Moose down," Steven said. Pane continued to stomp on the Big Moose's knees then did a boston crab. "Wow...I didn't know Pane had that much knowledge of technical wrestling skills," Ken said. Pane picked up the Big Moose, bounced him off the ropes, and gave him a drop-toe hold back down to the mat. Pane picked up the Big Moose and set him up for a Chokeslam. Pane picked up the Big Moose with enormous power and threw him down to the mat. "My God! What strength by Pane!" Steven yelled. Pane covered the Big Moose and got the 3 count. "Pane dominated every second of that matchup. There is no way the Big Moose should even have been wrestling tonight after that beating he took 6 nights ago," Steven said.
Sign of the Week
"Dashi Nokia, Go Back to Japan."
Dashi Nokia in the Ring
Dashi Nokia came out and got into the ring. Ken said,"You have to like this guy for his abilities." He got the mic and said,"Last Sunday, I was pinned by Pane BUT I WAS NEVER BEATEN BY PANE! I want whoever came out and interfered in that match to get out here and face me!" Music played and something started to play on the Big TV. It showed a picture of the US Flag and then, it started burning. Ken yelled,"Wait! You can't show that!" The flag burned into a mask with two eye holes and then, smashed in two as it hit someone in the head. A man with a mask with the Japanese Flag was shown fighting. It showed a close up of the man in the mask and the Japanese Flag appeared. The man appeared again but was backstage. He said,"Dashi Nokia, I thought you'd remember me. You said we'd be big! You said we'd have the women! You said a lot of things but THEY NEVER HAPPENED! You said you didn't want to fight with me. You said you would beat me. You said you would break my arm. Well, you did all that but that didn't stop me. THAT DIDN'T STOP SHIKARIUDO! Dashi, you are A SELLOUT! I was your greatest friend and now, I'm your greatest enemy." Dashi Nokia said,"That's all in the past along with your career. You and I were a great team but as the years past, I began carrying the team until i couldn't anymore. You never had it in you to be a wrestler after that and I doubt you have it now." ShiKariudo said,"You just wait, Dashi Nokia. Time will tell."
Kevin Michaels vs. Adam Blackman
Adam walked out. "Adam is a former Rage member, like many other wrestlers," Steven said. "But he has recently made the wise move of defecting over to Timothy Jones' faction," Ken said. HBK ran out and the women cheered and whistled. HBK grabbed the mic, but Adam attacked him from behind. Adam punched HBK a couple of times, then bounced him off the ropes and gave him a shoulder-block. Adam stomped HBK a few times. HBK shook it off, got back up, and started fighting back. Someone came running out from the back. "Whoa!!! That didn't take long...We thought there'd be interference, but not this early! Who is it though?" Steven said. Justin Edible ran down the steel platform, but then got tripped up. "What the hell happened there? Clumsy bastard..." Ken said. "No, someone tripped him..." Steven said. Triple X came up from below the steel rampway with a smile on his face. Triple X gave Justin a Sexdegree on the steel. The ref ran out to check on Justin. Triple X ran into the ring unnoticed by the ref and gave HBK a Sexdegree while he was punching Adam. Triple X rolled out of the ring while Adam covered 1...2...3! Ken said, "Wow...Quick match." Steven said, "Damn it, Timothy Jones screws over a D-Kef wrestler again."
Slut TV
The Big TV powered up and showed an image of Womankind. "Here we go again..." Steven said. "SLUT TV!!! I hope it shows some puppies this week," Ken yelled. Womankind looked at the camera and said, "Hello again wrestling fans, and welcome to yet another episode of Slut TV. I have already proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt, that both Rini and Slutty Della are both complete tramps. Now, I'm out this week to prove the same about Diamond Dallas Tracy. Tonight, I finally get a shot at Tracy's Women's championship belt that she hasn't defended in such a very long time. What does that have to do with Slut TV you ask? Well, I have a little bit of footage from last night with DDT. That's right Tracy, you know what I'm talking about. Roll the tape!" The Big TV played a tape of DDT at a party getting drunk and dancing. After a few shots, the big TV showed Womankind again. "Now, someone tell me what kind of a way that is to prepare for a big championship match! THAT is why she doesn't deserve to be the Women's champ! THAT is why I will beat her ass from one side of the arena to the other tonight! And THAT is why..." Womankind was cut off by DDT barging through the door and into Womankind's locker room. The two women started exchanging punches. Security and officials got back there quickly and separated the two women. As they were being separated, Womankind yelled, "You whore! No one can save you from me in the ring tonight! I will win back the Women's title!"
???? vs. Al Fro
"WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT?" is heard in the loudspeakers as Al Fro makes his way to the ring with Omsok. Steven said, "Al has just been cruising lately. He regained control of Omsok when he and Mr. Happy beat The Studly Boyz. I wonder if Mr. Happy could be a factor tonight?" Then Kid Kaos' music hit and he walked out to the ring with a microphone wearing street clothes. Ken said, "Kaos had his ASS beat by Hardcore Howie and Candyman at Down To Hell!! Can we get footage of Kaos falling off the balcony?" Then, the Big TV showed Kaos and Candyman fall off a balcony and EMT's rushing to help them. Steven said, "The Kid really shouldn't be out here, after the beating he took, I heard he was still injured." Kid Kaos jumped over the ropes and began to talk. Kaos said, "Now, Kid Kaos realizes he shouldn't be out here tonight, it's against doctors orders, and Al, I SURE AS HELL ain't ready to fight you." Al nodded in approvement as Kaos continued. "However, I feel the UWM fans shouldn't be deprived of an AL FRO match, so I took the time to look UP AND DOWN THE MEAN STREETS OF DETROIT MICHIGAN, and gotten the DIEHARD UWM FANS A SUITABLE REPLACEMENT...HERE HE IS..AN OLD BUDDY OF MINE..." Then some music that goes "DEEEEETROOOIIIITTTT LOVVVVVVEEEE" hits as a strange man, also in street clothes hits and Kaos yells, "HARDCORE....ROBERT!!!" Steve yelled, "Hardcore Robert?? What the hell? Who is he? Who does Kid Kaos think he is, bringing in some guy off the streets?" Ken said, "For all we know, he's another Detroit wife-beater with brass knuckles and a gun on him!!!" Kid Kaos slid out just before Al ran at him and Hardcore Robert slid in and immediatly started beating up on Al. Steven said, "Well, Kaos and Al Fro was sceduled to be a hardcore rules match, is this one?" He was quickly answered when Robert pulled Al to the outside and swung him into the barricade. After Al got up, he threw his head into the barricade, but Al reversed it and threw Hardcore Roberts head into the hard barricade. "Hardcore Robert may be running into some trouble quickly in the UWM,"said Ken as Robert reversed Al's whip into the steel steps into a whip of his own. "Scratch that idea,"said Steven as Hardcore Robert pulled a chair from under the ring and smashed it into Al Fro's shoulder. After that he threw Fro back into the ring as Kid Kaos handed him a garbage can full of weapons. Steven said,"What the hell, first bringing in Robert, now he's helping him out?" Robert pulled out a camcorder and dived in the ring. He fiddled with the switches and finally turned it on. He yelled,"Look at this stupidass Al Fro, he thought he could beat a man from the mean streets of D-" he was cut off when Al smashed the eye of the video recorder into Hardcore's eye. Al tossed a staggering Robert back outside and grabbed a chair Kaos left lying around. He swung it at Hardcore, but he moved out of the way and Al hit it into the ring post. "Al's gotta be hurting after that, bad vibrations there, it didn't hit the target!!" Steven yelled as Robert took advantage and threw the chair into the ring along with Al Fro. He laughed and pointed at Al as he positioned him under his legs, picked him up and threw him down onto the chair. Ken yelled, "POWERBOMB ON THE CHAIR!! Steven you were totally wrong about Hardcore Robert, HE RULES!!" Hardcore Robert rolled up Fro's legs and listened to the ref count 1...2...3. Steven said, "Impressive debut for Hardcore Robert!!" as Kid Kaos slid into the ring and the two exited to "Detroit Love."
Womankind vs. DDT
Womankind walked out and the crowd boo'ed. Womankind gave the crowd the finger as she walked into the ring and the crowd boo'ed even more. Womankind grabbed the mic from the ring announcer. "I don't care if all you inbred hicks down here in New Orleans boo me! You probably don't like anyone but your cousins!" Womankind said. DDT's music hit and the crowd roared. "Well, they sure seem to like DDT," Steven said. Ken said,"She's probably their cousin." DDT leapt into the ring and the two women started fighting. DDT knocked Womankind over and pummeled her. Womankind backed up into the corner, but DDT just stomped her. The ref got in between Womankind and DDT and broke them apart. "Good move by the ref. There should always be a clean break in a corner," Steven said. "What the hell are you talking about Steven? I wouldn't want to get in between those two right now," Ken said. The ref got out of the way and Womankind came rocketing out of the corner with a knee to DDT's chest. Womankind followed up with a suplex. "Womankind should thank the ref for that break earlier on. That's what gave her the advantage she has right now," Steven said. Womankind whipped DDT into a corner and gave her a few elbows. Womankind climbed up on the second turnbuckle with DDT still in the corner and gave DDT a few hard right hands. Womankind got down and DDT fell down face first on the mat. "DDT is out of it here," Steven said. Womankind waited for DDT to get up. DDT finally got up after a while and saw Womankind. DDT ran at Womankind with a clothesline, but Womankind ducked. DDT turned around and Womankind gave her a double-arm ddt. "We all know what that's the set-up for!" Ken said. Womankind reached into her pants and pulled out Rey's jock strap. "MRS. JOCKO!!!" Ken yelled. Rey and Rini came running out from the back. "Look! It's Rini and Rey!" Steven yelled. Rini came up behind Womankind and went for a superkick while Rey stayed outside and distracted the ref. Womankind glanced back and ducked at the last second, and Rini ended up hitting DDT right in the face. Womankind ran at Rini and clotheslined her outside the ring. Womankind quickly went over and pinned DDT. The ref looked back, saw Womankind pinning DDT, and counted 1...2...3! "NEW WOMEN'S CHAMP!" Ken screamed. Womankind grabbed the Women's title and held it up high in the air while Rey and Rini hung their heads and slumped back to the dressing room area.
PD Derek in the Ring
The sound of glass shattering got the crowd on their feet as PD Derek came out. Steven said,"I'd like to hear what PD Derek thinks about facing Josh LeReux." Derek got into the ring, grabbed a mic, and said,"I just got here and I heard this bullshit in the back about me fighting Josh LeReux, the loser who quit awhile ago. Well, he's big. I'll give him that but he doesn't any skills that I have. I don't care if he's a former World Champion. I am the current World Champion and no one is taking my belt. Wrestlers in the back are all scared about this so-called evil one. No one is badder than PD Derek and no one scares anyone more than PD Derek so I'm going to kick Joshie's ass and prove he's all hype. AND THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT!"
Macho Moose vs. Kef-Pac
Kef-Pac's music hit and he walked out doing Kram It signs. Steven said, "This match is gonna pit Kef-Pac versus Macho Moose. The crowd loves both guys and Macho's a former UWM champ." Ken licked his lips as fireworks went off for Kef and said, "SLOBBERKNOCKER." After the fireworks were over, Moose sounds were heard as Macho Moose came out eating beef jerky and yelling OHHHHH YEAH!! He climbed into the ring and was tossed a mic. He yelled, "Kef-Pac, I gotta alotta respect for you, but you know I'm gonna win this after my elbow drop, and Misery, if you dare interfere, I'll pick ya up, flip ya over and stick a Slim Jim up your ass!! OHHH-" and then Macho was cut off with a SpinKick to the forehead from Kef-Pac. "Awww c'mon Kef, let Macho Moose finish the speech!!"said Ken as Kef did the Kram It sign to Ken and kicked Macho into the corner. Ken rose from his seat and yelled, "Who does Kef-Pac think he is? When Kef-Pac was a baby....he was so ugly he had to have tinted windows on his incubator!!" Steven replied, "Oh would you stop? Just because he did the Kram It sign to you!" Ken said, "Yeah, I couldn't believe it! Maybe after all of his UWM time, he had a charisma transplant!!" Meanwhile, Kef-Pac was destroying Macho Moose with spin kicks to the chest, gut and face in the corner. Steven said, "Macho Moose appears to be struggling a bit, I wonder if he can win this. It'll definitly have affect on the UWM Title picture." Ken said, "Oh gimme a break, Kef-Pac's waist is too thin for the UWM Belt" just as Macho Moose began to chest chop Kef-Pac and overpower him. He tied up with Kef and began to test of strength him. Macho easily won this and took advantage of a worn Kef and picked him up a suplex. "One...two...three....four...five...wow Kef's up there for a long time." Ken replied, "Kef's head might burst from the blood rush Macho, you should put him down." Macho Moose replied with a Jackhammer and pin. 1...2...kickout. Steven said, "Again with the resiliancy. Do I gotta mention this week by week?" as Kef-Pac got up and was greeted with more chest chops. Macho Moose yelled "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHH!!!" and quickly snap suplexed and ddt'ed Kef. Steven yelled, "Macho's on a roll!!" as Macho Moose put Kef in a double arm ddt headlock. Ken said, "Finally Kef's gonna get what'd comin' to him!!!" as Kef-Pac was lifted up and powerbombed. "JACKSMACK!!" Steven yelled as Ken applauded and tossed Macho Moose a Slim Jim. Macho yelled "OHHHH YEAHH!!" and wolfed it down as he picked up Kef-Pac again to hiptoss him. Then he picked up a limp Kef-Pac one more time and did another JackSmack, but this time, Kef's feet hit the ref and he went flying out of the ring. "What is Macho trying to do, kill Kef?"ask Steven as Ken continued to applaud. Then, Macho pointed to the turnbuckle and yelled,"OHHHHHHH YEAHHHH" as he went to the apron and toprope. He showed off for a while, before someone was being lowered down from the rafters. Steven yelled, "OH NO...ONLY ONE UWM MAN IS LOWERED DOWN LIKE THAT, MISERY!!" Macho Moose wasn't noticing, while flexing. Ken said, "I only hope he'll beat up Kef with Macho Moose, but I don't think so..." Misery reached the top rope and wrapped his legs around Macho's body and put his arm around his neck. "There's that Dragon Sleeper Scissor hold again..."said Steven as Macho Moose fell off the turnbuckle but Misery was strong enough to hold up Macho Moose. He locked it on and began to be raised up. Steven yelled, "What the hell is Misery doing?" as Macho Moose was being carried up by Misery. They finally escaped view while Kef-Pac got up. He looked around, confused for a long time, until he got a mic. "What the hell Macho Moose, are you too scared to fight me, Kef-Pac?"he yelled as the ref got up. Not knowing what to do, he began to count Macho Moose for a countout. Finally, he reached 10 as Kef-Pac's arm was raised and he was still confused. His music hit and he walked out. "Well...odd match, but Misery needs to be repremanded by Timothy Jones, he could of killed Macho Moose!!" yelled Ken.
Josh LeReux vs. PD Derek
The lights went out, the turnbuckles shot five flames out, and Josh LeReux came out. Ken said,"Man, this guy's powerful. Steven said,"Yeah, I remember his matches from awhile ago and they were brutal." Ken said,"Yeah, I know but a man with red hair shaved in the shape of a flame must be powerful." Josh motioned for the mic. Steven said,"He's gonna talk!" Josh said,"Tonight, the world will have a new champion and his name is LeReux." PD Derek came out with his music and belt and the crowd roared. He went right up to LeReux and flipped him off. LeReux nailed him with a clothesline from Hell. The bell rang and the match started. LeReux picked him up and scoop slammed him. Derek got up and hit him with lefts and rights. LeReux grabbed his head and gave him a huge headbutt. Derek slowly got to his feet and LeReux clubbed him in the back of the neck. Steven said,"LeReux is in full control of this match." LeReux lift Derek up over his head and dropped his neck across the toprope. LeReux pushed Derek in the corner and kneed him in the gut over and over. Derek burst out of the corner with a clothesline. Ken said,"Welcome to the match, Derek. Where the fuck were you? La La Land?" Derek stomped on LeReux until the ref got him off. LeReux got up and gave Derek a forearm smash. LeReux gave Derek a couple elbow drops on him and gave him a pulling piledriver. LeReux covered and the ref counted 1..2 and Derek kicked out. Ken said,"Josh...I mean, LeReux shouldn't have tried for a pin so soon." Derek got up faster and hit LeReux in the gut with knee after knee. LeReux grabbed his leg and did a dragon screw. LeReux pulled Derek up again and lifted him up for a falling vertical suplex but Derek countered and fell behind him. LeReux turned around and Derek gave him a huge jumping bodyslam. Ken yelled,"OHHHHHHHHHHHH DADDY!" Derek pinned, the ref counted 1.. and LeReux kicked out. Derek clotheslined LeReux but he didn't go down. He did it again and he still didn't go down. Derek bounced off the ropes for another try but got a big boot to the face. Derek was layed out on the mat. LeReux kicked him a little and Derek didn't move. LeReux climbed the turnbuckle, Derek got up, and knocked LeReux's feet out from under him. Ken said,"Derek was playing possum! Now, LeReux got the turnbuckle to the groin." Derek grabbed his head and pulled him forward over his shoulder. Steven said,"I see what he's doing! He can't pick LeReux up so he's using the turnbuckle to put the Sex-Factor on him." Derek got LeReux down by his gut but LeReux locked his arms and pulled Derek up and upside down. He jumped off the toprope and did the LeReux Driver. Steven yelled,"LEREUX DRIVER OFF THE TOPROPE!" LeReux covered and the ref counted 1..2..3. LeReux won. Ken yelled,"LeReux is the new World Champion!" LeReux put the belt over his shoulder and his music played. Suddenly, his music changed to "No Chance" and Tim and his team came out. Steven said,"Oh no...Don't tell me! LeReux is part of Tim's team." Sin, Pane, and DDT came out and walked down with Timothy Jones too. They all got into the ring. Mr. Jones got the mic and said,"You never expected this did you! Now, my team has the World Championship, the IC Championship, and the TV Championship. Who's gonna stop us!" Suddenly, Sin clothesline Crispy and Triple X, DDT attacked John, Pane knocked Joe Hart down, and LeReux grabbed Timothy Jones by the throat. Steven said,"What in the Hell is going on!" LeReux chokeslammed Mr. Jones. Ken yelled,"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" LeReux grabbed the mic and said,"Timothy Jones, you got me back into UWM and the World Championship so you are no longer needed." LeReux, Sin, Pane, and DDT left the ring with Timothy and his team layed out in the ring.