Timothy Jones in the Ring
"Welcome to UWM Saturday Night! OHHHH DADDY! Timothy Jones is gonna tell us about the pay-per-view as soon as he gets out here,"said Ken. "No Chance" played and Timothy Jones and his group came out. They got into the ring and Timothy got the mic. He said,"As you all know, there's a pay-per-view coming up, the first pay-per-view of 2000 I might add. Mr. Carter and I have come up with the perfect name and the perfect matches to go with it. The pay-per-view will be called "Down To Hell" and the main event will be a buried alive match. I'll show you what that match is next saturday. Now as for who will be in that match, Joe Hart will be." The crowd boo'ed. Steven said,"Mr. Jones keeps putting Joe Hart in World Championship Matches." Timothy continued,"But, who will his opponent be? Tonight, I'm going to give you all the match you've wanted to see. Tonight in this very ring, it will be PD Derek verses Kef-Pac!!" Ken yelled,"WOAH! I never expected that" Mr. Jones said,"Whoever wins that match will be the not only the new World Champion, but will face Joe Hart at Down To Hell!"
Jerkicho vs. Dashi Nokia
The Y2Jerk countdown began, the fireworks hit and Will Jerkicho came out with his hands high in the air. He had a mic in hand, and said, "WELCOME, TO SATURDAY NIGHT, IS, JERKICHO!!! NOW, for all the Jerkichoholics out there that we're extremely happy to see Renegade get beat up, bit, by bit by bit then BREAK HIS SKINNY BACK, well, I have something to say. Now, Y2Jerk KNOWS DAMN WELL he's the greatest ultimate fighter to step in a UWM ring and this Dookie Nokio is trying to make a name for himself as a ultimate fighter, the BEST in the UWM at that! DOOKIE, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Ken said, "Wow, long speech from Jerkicho to Dookie...ummm...DaShi." Steven replied, "Yeah, and DaShi might not be happy to hear them, here he is now!!" as The End Of Song One hit and DaShi NoKia ran out. He slid in the ring and tripped up Y2Jerk. He tackled him down and immediatly started beating him up with many furious rights and lefts. "DaShi's pissed now!!" said Ken as NoKia picked up Jerkicho, ran at him and gave him a tornado SpinKick. "WHAT A MOVE!!!" yelled Ken as NoKia pinned. 1...2...kickout. " Oh poor Will...." said Steven. Jerkicho got up aznd DaShi let him. Jerkicho shoved DaShi so hard he fell to the floor, and started kicking him down. DaShi slid out onto the outside and Jerkicho celebrated. DaShi picked up Jerkichos legs and shoved them in between the ring post. "JERKICHOS LEGS COULD BE SPLIT IN HALF!" yelled Steven as NoKia slid in and held Will in an Arm Buster. The ref started to count and Jerkicho couldn't reach the ropes. The ref called for the bell quickly as Jerkicho submitted. DaShi got up, surprisingly letting go and kicking Will in the face and left hastily. "What a match! Jerkicho gets his ass kicked by the Arm Buster!" yelled Ken. Steven said, "On to the next match!"
Slut TV
"Something's going on backstage. Do we have a camera back there?" Steven said. An image of Womankind came up on the big TV. "I guess that answers my question..." Steven said. Womankind looked at the camera and said, "Hello again, wrestling fans. As you all may have guessed by now, this is another episode of Slut TV. You may also have noticed that I am not by the Moosepack locker room today. That is because I think I have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Rini is a true slut. And, there are many other sluts that need to be identified here in UWM. Today, I'm going to go see what Sexy Della is up to." Womankind was about to sneak into Della's locker room, but she quickly hid around the corner as Della walked out. As soon as Della was out of hearing range, Womankind turned back to the camera and said, "Let's follow her." Womankind followed Della to the Studly's locker room. She walked in and said to D-Buff, "Hey there big boy. How would you like some of this?" Della revealed a bit more of herself to D-Buff by taking her top off with her back to the camera. Ken said, "Come on...TURN AROUND DELLA!!!" Ken screamed. Pa Pa Ray came out and said, "What the hell are you doing D-Bu..." He cut himself off after he saw Della. Della put her top back on and said, "If you want to see some more...I'll be in my dressing room. Oh, and you can come along too Pa Pa. Your name may be Pa Pa...But I'll call you daddy." Womankind hid again as Della exited the Studly's locker room. Della walked casually into James' locker room. Womankind said, "Look at this! She's going for 3 guys at once! What a total whore." Della heard that and turned around. She saw Womankind and started running towards her. "Wow! Della looks like she has fire in her eyes!" Steven said. "That's not the only place that she's hot, I'll bet..." Ken said. "KEN!!! How many times do I have to tell you!? You can't say that stuff! Do you want to get us an 18+ viewer rating? Or do you want to lose these sponsors too? If you do...You'll lose your job, I guarantee it. Wait...Does Womankind even see Della charging at her?" Della came from behind and started throwing a flurry of punches at Womankind. "I guess not..." Ken said. Womankind turned around and the 2 women started exchanging punches. Some security came down the hall and separated the 2 women. Della yelled at Womankind, "You stupid bitch, I want you in the ring, tonight!" Womankind said, "You're on!" The big TV powered down and Steven said, "Looks like we have a match!"
Matt Sledge vs. ReyMooseJr
Matt Sledge walked out and most of the crowd boo'ed. "They don't like this guy much, do they?" Steven said. "No. Probably because he sucks. He may even be worse than KidMike. At least he beat an actual wrestler...The only person Matt has beaten is James, the UWM interviewer," Ken said. Rey ran out and the crowd cheered. "Rey has the crowd advantage in this one. The crowd loves the Moosepack," Steven said. Rey jumped into the ring and was immediately knocked down by a clothesline from Matt. Matt threw Rey off the ropes and tried another clothesline, but Rey was ready and ducked. Rey stopped behind Matt, turned around, and leveled Matt with a spinning heel kick to the side of the head. Rey whipped Matt into the corner and gave him a splash. "Rey likes to keep a fast-paced tempo. If Matt wants to have any shot at all, he has to slow Rey down," Steven said. Rey jumped up and tried to give Matt a hurricanrana, but Matt twirled Rey around and turned it into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Matt picked up Rey and gave him a german suplex. Matt covered and got a 2 count. "You're going to have to beat on Rey more than that to get a pin," Steven said. Matt tried to throw Rey into the corner, but Rey reversed it. Rey ran over and gave Matt a tornado ddt. Rey covered 1...2..Kick out. "So close..." Steven said. Rey went up to the top rope and waited for Matt to get up. Rey jumped off and tried a dropkick off the top rope at Matt. Matt grabbed the ref and pulled him in front of him so that Rey hit the ref instead. "Oh no...The ref's out cold!" Steven said. Rey went to check on the ref while Matt went outside and got a steel chair. Matt came back into the ring and hit Rey in the back of the head with the steel chair. Matt picked up Rey and gave him a jackhammer. "There's a new move from Matt...A jackhammer," Steven said. "That's not a jackhammer...That's the Sledge Hammer! Matt Sledge's newest move!" Ken screamed. Rini came running out and tried to restrain Matt. Matt turned towards Rini and leveled her with the steel chair. The crowd groaned and boo'ed. Matt picked up Rini and set her up for the Sledge Drop. Rey saw it and got up quickly. Matt set Rini down when he saw Rey had gotten up. Rey ran at Matt and clotheslined him down. Matt got up and Rey gave him a series of spin kicks in the corner. "Rey has completely snapped here," Ken said. The ref finally began to get up, and Rey climbed to the top rope with Matt. Rey gave Matt a hurricanrana off the top rope and covered. The ref crawled over and counted 1...2...3! Rey got up and went over to Rini to make sure she was okay. Matt got up and picked up the steel chair again. Matt hit Rey with the chair and then took Rini to the entrance way. Matt set up Rini for a Sledge Drop through a table below on the concrete. Rey grabbed a mic and started pleading with Matt. Matt went over to the side and the Big Moose's music hit. Matt dropped Rini and turned around. Matt backed away from the Big Moose, but he backed right into Rey. Rey and the Big Moose double-teamed Matt. They gave Matt a double suplex on the steel ramp, and then they gave him a double powerbomb. "Oh my God!" Steven screamed. "I'm surprised Matt's living at this point..." Rey and the Big Moose took Rini backstage and left Matt lying on the ramp.
Sexy Della vs. Womankind
Sexy Della came out from the back. "These two just had a heated...No, maybe that's the wrong word..." Steven said. "I think that word is totally appropriate for the situation," Ken said. Steven ignored Ken and said, "These 2 just had an intense battle backstage. Let's see if it continues in the ring." Womankind walked out to a loud chant of boo's. Womankind gave the crowd the middle finger. Womankind climbed into the ring. Womankind and Sexy Della both went at each other immediately with some right hands. Womankind got the better of the punches, and backed Della into the corner. Womankind gave Della a few knee lifts and then whipped her into the opposite corner. Womankind ran at Della and clotheslined her. "Della almost got flipped outside the ring with that powerful clothesline in the corner!" Steven said. Womankind threw Della off the ropes and tried a back elbow, but Della ducked and came back with a flying cross-body. Della got up, ran at the ropes, and did moonsault. "Wow! Della showed great agility with that move," Steven said. Della picked up Womankind and gave her a northern lights suplex into a pin. The ref counted 1...2..And Womankind kicked out. "2 and three quarters there," Ken said. Della gave Womankind a samoan drop and then climbed the ropes. Della went for a splash off the top rope, but Womankind got her knees up into Della's chest. Both women were down and the ref counted to 8 before both of them crawled to their feet. Della charged at Womankind with a clothesline, but Womankind ducked. Della turned around and Womankind gave her a double arm ddt. Once Della had climbed to her feet, Womankind locked on the Womanible Claw and Della tapped out. Steven said, "Womankind wins again. She's on quite the winning streak as of late here in UWM."
Rogues vs. Studly Boyz
"I'm, too sexy for my shirt.." hit and The Studly Boyz walked out to boos. "Well, whats to say?" asked Ken. "At Apocalypse, they lost Osmok to Mr. Happy and Al Fro. They still have the tag titles though, and they'll defend them against-" Ken was cut off by The Rogues music hitting and the women going crazy. "Let's see if The Rage interfere in this match..." said Ken as The Rogues reached the ring. To start it was D-Buff and Jesse. They shook hands, but D-Buff pulled Jesse into him and shortarm clotheslined him. Jesse immediatly got up and began to punch away at D-Buff. He tossed Pa Pa's half brother into the ropes, but Jesse got the advantage with a running flying head scissors. Jesse did the gun point to the head gesture and tagged in his brother hard. "This should be quite the athletic match" said Steven as Lukas dropkicked a rising D-Buff. However, this made D-Buff fall right in the waiting hand of Pa Pa Ray, who took quick advantage with a clothesline over the top rope. Lukas came in and tried to clothesline Pa Pa, but he was too strong and threw Lukas across the ring by the hair. Jesse ran to the other side of the ring on the outside and tagged in Lukas. Lukas ran in with a vengeance, jumping right on Pa Pa Ray and giving him a spinning ddt. "WHAT A MOVE, PA PA'S HEAD BOUNCED RIGHT OFF THE MAT!!" yelled Ken as Lukas took advantage of the fallen Pa Pa Ray and moonsaulting from the first rope on to him and pinned. 1...2...foot on the rope. "So close!" said Ken as Lukas picked up Pa Pa Ray and bodyslammed him. Then he ran into the ropes to legdrop Pa Pa, but D-Buff took out Lukas' legs, causing Jesse to come out in anger and legdrop Pa Pa Ray. "All out war!!!!" yelled Ken. Steven said, "Oh, just shutup." Jesee got back in his corner and so did D-Buff as Pa Pa clotheslined Lukas and Jesse, Pa Pa picked up Jesse and signalled something to D-Buff. "I think they're calling for the 3S!!" yelled Steven as Pa Pa bounced Jesse off the ropes, Lukas came back, but he gave The Studly Boyz a double spinning neckbreaker. "WHAT A MOVE, WHERES LUKAS?" yelled Ken. "There he is!" yelled Steven as Lukas flew through the air and Flying Senton Bombed D-Buff and pinned. "Not the legal man, but who cares?" said Ken. "NEW TAG CHAMPS!!" yelled Steven as the ref counted 1/2/3. The Rogues climbed the ropes and did the gunpoint to the head gesture and held up their new tag team belts high.
Rage Call
An image of the Rage in their locker room came up on the big TV. "Whoa, what's going on? This isn't scheduled," Steven said. "Well maybe if you'd shut up for once, we could find out what's going on!" Ken yelled. "Sorry..." Steven said. The phone rang in the Rage locker room. Sin picked it up, listened for a minute, and said, "I understand. It'll be done." Sin hung up and the other Rage members started asking what was going on. Sin remained silent. Ken said, "What the hell is going on?" Steven said, "Sin gets a phone call every week now...Who's behind these phone calls? What does he...or she, say?" Ken said, "Well, the Rage has taken out someone each of the last 2 weeks that the received a phone call..." Steven cut him off and said, "Could that be what this is all about? If it is...I wonder who Sin got told to take out this week...I guess only time will tell."
Justin Edible vs. Big Moose
"Well, this should be fast" said Ken, "Justin Edible verses Big Moose." "Justin doesn't stand a chance." Justin came out, grabbed a mic and was about to talk when Big Moose's music hit and he came running down the ramp and into the ring. The bell rang and Justin tried punching the Big Moose in the head with massive forearms to the head but Big Moose shrugged it off and a big head butt put Justin down. Justin got up and Big Moose threw him into the corner. Big Moose charged at Justin and Justin got his feet up and Big Moose hit them and was startled. Justin climbed the ropes and missile dropkicked Big Moose down. "Woah, its past the time I thought the match would be already" said Ken. "Don't underestimate Edible, he is a former tag champ with Adam Blackman" said Steven. Justin climbed the top again and went for a double axe handle, but the Big Moose stuck out his hand and caught Justin in the position for a chokeslam. "Uh Oh" said Ken. Justin lowblowed Big Moose and ddt'ed him down. Justin covers 1, kickout. Justin picked up Big Moose and started kicking Big Moose knee. Justin bounced off the ropes and drop kicked the Big Mooses knee which sent the Moose down. Justin picked up Big Mooses knee and repeatilly elbowed his knee. Justin picked the Big Moose up and pushed him into the corner where he started kicking the Big Moose in the gut. He folded Big Moose knee around the rope and pulled on his foot trying to Hyperextend Big Mooses knee. "Very smart" said Steven, "He's setting him up for the Figure Four." "Yeah, I'f he can ever put it on him" said Ken. Justin started punching Big Moose in the face and gut, but Big Moose in a fit of rage grabbed Justin by the shirt and threw him over the top onto the floor outside. "LOOK AT THE POWER!!! He just threw Justin over the top rope with one hand!!" yelled Steven. Big Moose rolled out of the ring and threw Justin into the guardrail. Justin got up slowly only for the Big Moose to head butt him down. The ref came out side the ring to try and break the Big Moose off Justin, but Justin went to hit Big Moose and hit the ref knocking him down. Justin got in the ring and Big Moose followed. Justin went to hurricanrana Big Moose but Big Moose reversed and hit a devistating powerbomb. "OOHHHHHHHH DDAADDDDDYYYYY." Big Moose signalled for the Mooseslam. "Whos that coming from the crowd?" asked Steve, "Its Adam Blackman!" Big Moose set Justin up for the Mooseslam but Justin hit another low blow kick and Blackman slid in with a kendo stick. Blackman spun Justin around and went to hit him but Justin ducked and Adam hit the Big Moose in the face with the kendo stick. "OUCH!!!!" Justin Sky Highed Adam and grabbed the Kendo stick. Justin hit Adam a few times to knock him out of the ring. "Look at the Big Moose!!! He is getting up!" yelled Ken. Justin walked over and shattered the kendo stick over Big Mooses knee. "OH MY GOD!!" yelled Steven. The ref rolled into the ring and Justin put on the Figure Four. The Big Moose passed out from the pain and the ref called for the bell. "WHAT AN UPSET! That must have been what The Rage phone call was about!" yelled Ken. Justin celebrated and held the TV belt in the air. He grabbed a mic, "Listen up idiots, no one gave me a chance in this match, no one, but I proved them wrong, all you freaks in the back look, I just beat the Big Moose, and thats not just sick, thats not just revolting, thats JUSTIN EDIBLE."
Moose Pack in the Ring
Big Moose stayed in the ring as Macho Moose, ReyMooseJr, and Ravishing Regal Rini came out with the Moose Pack's music. They all got into the ring and Macho grabbed the mic. He said,"OHHHHH YEAH! Now you see, The MACHO MOOSE had PD Derek beat and the World Championship in my grasp but then, the so called mystery man came down and caused me the title! Mystery man get your ass down here so we can beat your ass Moose Pack Style!" The lights went out, lightning came from the turnbuckles, the lights came back on, and the entire Moose Pack was layed out. The mystery man was standing in the middle holding a ball bat in one hand and the mic in the other. Ken said,"This doesn't look good." Steven said,"The mystery man was supposed to be in the Moose Pack but he disappeared and now reappeared. Notice that he used to have brown and black face paint but now, it's just black." The mystery man said,"Macho Moose...if you're man enough face me at Down To Hell...so says MISERY!" Ken yelled,"OHHHHHH DADDY! We have another match and the mystery man's name! Misery!"
RoadFoxx/Kevin Michaels vs. Joe Hart/Triple X
"Well, this match should be emotionally charged" said Steven, "Triple X was friends almost brothers with D-Kef until his ego went wild and he would do anything to win a belt, even stab his own friends in the back, a second time." Joe Hart and Triple X came out and the D-Kef team jumped them from behind on the ramp. Road Foxx grabbed Joe Hart and slammed him into the steel steps, and then into the ring post. Foxx grabbed a chair and hit Joe in the back, which made a sickening thud. "OOOHHHHHHHH DDDDADDDDDYYYYY." HBK fought Triple X up on the ramp and body slammed him. Kevin got on top of Triple X and started punching him repeatily in the face. Crispy ran from the back and when HBK went to stop him Crispy, Crispy speared him down. "Holy Shit!!! Kevin almost was decapitated from his waist up" yelled Ken. Foxx and Joe were battling in the crowd behind the announce table and Foxx still had the chair. Foxx went to hit Joe but Joe kicked him in the gut, grabbed the chair, and dented it over Foxxs head. "Good grief, the match hasn't even started and already everyone is hurting" said Steven. "Thats cause they all hate each other moron" replied Ken. Crispy helped Triple X bring HBK into the ring and when Triple X got in the ring, the bell rang. Triple X ran at HBK, still woozy from the Crispy Spear, and high kneed him. Joe Hart got in the ring and while Crispy distracted the ref, started to beat HBK with Punches and kicks. Road Foxx got up and charged at Crispy and did a semi-Foxx Train that put Crispy down. Foxx rolled into the ring and started to clean house with body slams and dropkicks. Foxx grabbed Triple X threw him into the ropes, and ducked and HBK hit Sweet & Sour Chin Music on Triple X. HBK covered 1,2, save made by Joe Hart. Foxx picked Triple X up and tried for the Foxxdrop, but Triple X reversed and kicked Foxx in the gut and set him up for the Sexdegree. HBK saw this and clothslined Joe over the top and outside, ran over and hit Sweet & Sour Chin Music a second time, but Road Foxx rolled over into a bridge pin on Triple X 1,2,3. "WOW, just like that The D-Kef team beats the sellouts" said Ken. HBK went outside and grabbed a chair and brought it into the ring. Road Foxx picked Triple X up and held the chair infront of Triple X's face. The crowd went nuts as HBK delivered a 3rd Sweet & sour Chin Music to Triple X through the chair. This time Triple X was busted open. Foxx went outside grabbed both Crispy and Joe, and threw them in the ring. Foxx threw Crispy, then Joe into the same corner and motioned for the Foxx train. The crowd went wild. Foxx charged at Joe and Crispy and connected. Joe fell to the ground and Crispy came out of the corner woozy and Foxx hit the Foxx drop onto the chair. "Finally, that arrogant punk Triple X got what he deserved, an ass kicking" said Steven. The D-Kef team left triumphant to the crowd chanting "D-Kef"
Timothy Jones and John Carter Backstage
A camera went backstage into Timothy Jones's office. Mr. Jones and Mr. Carter were talking. John Carter said,"Are you sure you want to do this?" Timothy Jones said,"Of course, I want to do it!" John said,"It'll be dangerous." Timothy said,"Don't you think I know that. If I want my plans to succeed, I have to do this." Mr. Carter said,"Okay." Steven said,"What the hell was that about?"
Kef-Pac vs. PD Derek
Kef-Pac's music hit and he came out. Steven yelled,"The crowds on their feet!" Kef-Pac got into the ring and grabbed the mic. He began to say something but was interupted by PD Derek's music. Ken said,"The crowds on their feet again!" Derek came out with his World Championship Belt in hand and slid into the ring. A voice over the speakers said,"Tonights main event will have a special guest ref." Steven said,"What?" "No Chance" came over the speakers and Timothy Jones came out in a ref's shirt. Steven said,"Mr. Jones is crazy! Both of those men hate his guts." Ken laughed and said,"Timothy is a genius! He'll have them beat the crap out of each other!" Timothy Jones got into the ring and said,"First of all, if either one of you touch me, you will lose. This is a no dq match, anything goes. LET'S GET IT ON!" The bell rang and the match got underway. PD Derek and Kef-Pac exchanged blows until Derek missed and Kef-Pac hit him with a Spinkick. Kef-Pac tried to whip Derek to the ropes but Derek reversed and got Kef-Pac with a powerslam. Derek sat him up and kicked Kef-Pac in the spine. Derek picked Kef-Pac up for a hanging suplex. Steven said,"Kef-Pac's gonna be upside down for awhile." Derek threw him off and onto the toprope. Derek went for a clothesline but Kef-Pac pulled the rope down and Derek flew over the toprope. Derek got up and Kef-Pac hit him with a double axe handle. Kef-Pac rolled Derek into the ring and he slid in himself. Derek quickly got up and stomped on Kef-Pac. Derek picked Kef-Pac up and twirled him around for the Sex-Factor. Kef-Pac flipped out of it and hit the Kef-Factor. Ken yelled,"OHHHHHH DADDY! A Factor is countered with another Factor!" Kef-Pac pinned. Timothy Jones turned the other way. Kef-Pac yelled at him and Timothy Jones heard him. He counted 1..........2.. and a kick out. Steven said,"That's the slowest count ever!" Kef-Pac got up, walked over to Mr. Jones, and yelled at him. Derek rolled Kef-Pac and Timothy Jones turned the other way. Kef-Pac kicked out. He and Derek exchanged blows and Derek knocked Kef-Pac to the outside. Kef-Pac grabbed the World Championship Belt and held it up in the air. The crowd roared. Derek slid out of the ring and Kef-Pac hit him with the belt. Kef-Pac rolled him into the ring and put him in a figure four around the ring post. Timothy Jones was looking on. Steven said,"Everything's legal in this match. Kef-Pac really wants that belt." Derek tapped out but Timothy Jones looked the other way. Ken said,"Kef-Pac's won it but Mr. Jones is looking the other way!" Mr. Jones made a motion and Triple X, Joe Hart, and Crispy came out. They attacked PD Derek and Kef-Pac. Steven said,"Mr. Jones set PD Derek and Kef-Pac!" They continued to beat Kef-Pac and Derek with chairs. Ken said,"Derek should be happy. He gets to keep his belt....but for how long."