Timothy Jones in the Ring
"Welcome to UWM Saturday Night! OHHHHHH DADDY! I am the man of the hour, Ken and the dull, boring man next to me is Steven. Yo, steven. Whazzup!"said Ken. Steven said,"...nothing. Tonight should be a great night. This is the night before the pay-per-view, Unrestricted." "No Chance" hit and Mr. Jones came out. Steven said,"Looks like Timothy Jones has something to say as usual." He got into the ring and said,"Tomorrow, UWM Unrestricted will take place. I will face PD Derek and I will win. He'll have to give all that money to my daughter. PD Derek, Kef-Pac, Macho Moose, LeReux, and Misery will all have matches tonight. They must all pay for what they have done in the past. Triple X will be in a match tonight also so you all can stop boo'ing me. The only difference is....he will win." Ken said,"This man means business."
Jerkicho vs. Justin Edible
5..4..3...2....1..........BOOM!!!!! "Ahhhhhh, thats always gonna scare me" said Ken. "Whats he doing out here anyways?" asked Steven, "He isn't even supposed to be here." "I thought he left UWM" said Ken, "Its been a long time since Jerkicho has been seen." Y2Jerk slid into the ring and called for the mic. "WELCOME TO UWM IS JERKICHO!!!!" Crowd erupts. "And I am your role model, your god, and your next TV champion. Thats right Jerkichoholics, Y2Jerk has been training extensively and getting into the best shape ever. And, I am ashamed with UWM right now. Here we have a TV champ who has a name that well, it sucks. Justin Edible, you have had basically no competition for your title and.." Jerkicho was interupted by Justin Edible's theme. "Jerkicho, I've already heard enough of your crap. I'll put the title on the line right now to prove that I am a worthy champion." "Edible, you just made the biggest mistake eh-eh-eeevvvvveeeerrrr," and Jerkicho slid out of the ring and met Edible on the ramp with a flurry of punches. Jerkicho gained the advantage and pulled Edible to the ring and slammed his face into the apron, and rolled him into the ring. A ref ran down to the ring and rang the bell for the match to begin. Edible cut Y2Jerk off sliding into the ring and stomped him down. An "Edible sucks ass" chant started from the crowd. Jerkicho was whipped into the corner and moved when Edbile tried a splash, then suplexed Edible down. Jerkicho russian leg sweeped Edible down again and covered 1,2, kickout. Edible got up and Jerkicho walked into a eye rake, then a ddt by Edible. Justin leg dropped Jerkicho and covered for a 2 count. Edible whipped Jerkicho into the corner and got a foot to the face after trying a charge, Jerk hopped to the top rope, grabbed Edible, and tornado ddted him. "This could be it right here..no Edible kicks out at 2" said Ken. Jerkicho picked Edible up and tried to throw Edible into the ropes, Edible reversed and Jerkicho bounced off the ropes. Edible tried a drop kick but Jerk dodged it and Edible landed on his back. Jerkicho grabbed his legs and called for the Lion-Two Timer and the crowd went nuts. Edible was trying to block it but Jerkicho turned it over and Justin was screaming in pain. Edible was sliding to the ropes and after almost tapping grabbed the ropes. "We almost had a new TV champ" said Steven. Edible was holding his back and in lots of pain. Jerkicho climbed the top rope and when Edible got up jumped off and tried a missile drop kick, Edible countered it into the sky high. "SKY HIGH!! ITS OVER!!" screamed Steven. Edible pinned Jerkicho and 1,2,3. Edible grabbed his title, flipped off the crowd and left the ring.
Slut TV
The Big TV powered up. "Here we go again folks! Another edition of Slut TV!
Let's look in on Rini today." Womankind entered a clothing store, and Rini was
in the swimwear department with a shopping cart full of bikinis. "This will
make me look super!" said Rini. "Thanks to that witch Womankind, I get to go
shopping for lots of new bikinis. Rey is going to love this!" she said as she
grabbed a black leather thong. Womankind and the camera ducked behind a rack of
clothes and Rini went to the counter. "Just put all of these on Rey's card, ok?"
Rini said as she grabbed four armloads of swimwear. "Guess we know what's on
her mind!" said Womankind.
Lance Fortune vs. ReyMooseJr
Lance Fortune's theme blasted over the speakers and Lance came out with a shirt saying "Next IC champ" and started throwing money into the crowd getting cheered. Lance slid into the ring and called for the mic. "Whats this guy have to say now" asked Steven. "Rey, I don't see any reason why we should wait until the ppv, get your ass out here so i can kick it in front of my fans." Rey exploded out of the back and slid into the ring. He was beating on Lance when Joe Hart came from under the ring with a chair and smoked Rey in the back of the head. "OOOOHHHHH DDDDAAADDDDYYY". Joe stomped on Rey and hit him again with the chair. Lance got up and started stomping Rey. Joe applied the dullshooter and Lance put the chair over Reys head. Lance climbed to the top and spinning leg-dropped Rey with the chair on his head. "OH MY GOD!!" "OOOOHHHHH DDDDAADYYYYYYYYY!!!!!" Rey was knocked out. Big Moose ran from the back and Joe & Lance scrambled out of the ring. "Rey could be seriuosly hurt" said Steven.
Al Fro Backstage
"OK were gonna go backstage to see Al Fro. This is the first time he has been seen since Omsok's death due the microwave cookery class by Hardcore Howie" said Ken. Al Fro was shown in a bathroom with a plastic hamster. "Omsok come on lets go. You never listen to me anymore!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Al Fro grabbed plastic Omsok and whipped him into the toilet and flushed. "HOWIE, IM GONNA GET YOU!!! YOU ARE DEAD!!!" and Al Fro ran out of the bathroom and started tipping tables over and throwing things around. "He's even crazier than before,"said Steven.
DaShi NoKia vs. LeReux vs. Misery
The Big TV powered up. "Hello, what's this?" said Steven. "Welcome to the
premiere edition of Pain TV!" came over the speakers. "That sounds like DaShi!"
said Ken. The TV showed a live shot of the ring. DaShi came out with a mic.
"DaShi must have something good cooked up for this three-way match tonight."
said Steven. "Tonight's match between myself, LeReux and Misery will be a new
beginning in entertainment. While we inflict physical pain on each other, the
big TV will be showing scenes of emotional pain to my opponents. Watch as their
lives are filled with pain and loss. See them experience the TRUTH!" LeReux
and Misery came down the ramp, keeping a good distance between them. They
entered the ring, and the bell rang. DaShi ran at LeReux, and delivered a
flying spin kick, then landed and swept the feet of Misery out from under him.
"Wow, DaShi must have been working on that combo for a while. He's getting
fast!" said Ken. LeReux got up and DaShi grabbed him. DaShi threw him into
Misery and they both went down again. Misery got up and stomped on LeReux.
LeReux grabbed Misery's leg and twisted, causing Misery to fall. DaShi stepped
back as Misery and LeReux exchanged blows. "DaShi has the right strategy, let
them fight it out, and take on the winner." said Steven. Misery delivered a
DDT to LeReux. LeReux started to get up and Misery grabbed him and powerbombed
him back down. The big TV began to show scenes of LeReux in a suit going into a
church. "What is this?" yelled Ken. The big TV showed LeRoux at a funeral.
LeRoux was crying openly as he looked at the casket. The speakers powered up
and DaShi's voice boomed out. "Remember your friend Jay? Remember how he died
in that car accident going to the store for ice cream, because you did not feel
like going? What if you had gone? Would Jay be alive today? Isn't his death
YOUR FAULT!" LeReux saw this and his face fell. Tears began to form. As
LeReux staggered back up, Misery grabbed him again and slammed a piledriver on
him. DaShi darted from the corner and dropkicked Misery hard. Misery fell back
and out of the ring. DaShi covered LeReux and the ref counted 1..2..3! "One
down, one to go for DaShi." said Steven. Misery grabbed a steel chair and
climbed into the ring. DaShi ducked under the swing and landed a low blow to
Misery's nuts. Misery dropped the chair and DaShi picked it up. DaShi slammed
the chair onto the top of Misery's head, then threw the chair out of the ring.
As Misery tried to recover, DaShi backed up a step, and the big TV powered up
again. This time it showed an old man in a wheelchair. The speakers powered
up. "Misery, do you remember your own father? Sent to a nursing home to ROT,
because you could not stand to help him? He is an old man now, and he needs
your help. He needs you to feed him, and bathe him, and wipe his ass when he
shits! You can't do that can you? You can't take care of your own father, so
you abandoned him in a nursing home! You left him there while he begged, BEGGED
you not to leave! The man was crying for you to take him with you, not to leave
him alone to die! What kind of man are you?" Misery was transfixed by this,
tears running down his face, when DaShi jumped from the top rope and landed a
huge dropkick to the back of Misery's skull. Misery when down and DaShi covered
with one foot. 1..2..3! "Wow, DaShi is one mean person!" said Steven.
Rini and Rey Backstage
The Big TV powered up and it showed backstage as Rini and Rey were fighting.
"What the hell do you think you were doing! You charged all the new outfits on
MY card! How much money do you think I have, anyway!" yelled Rey. "Honey,
wait, please? That bitch Womankind cut holes in the ones we had, and we needed
new ones. I'm sure you will like them. I picked them especially for you, so
you would love them. I can even model them for you, if you want. Come on baby,
please? Let me show you what I got." said Rini. With that, she grabbed a black
leather thong out of the bag. "Don't you want to see me in this? I'll model it
for you. It even comes with these cute fur lined handcuffs. Don't you want to
see me in this?" "Well yeah, ... I..I guess so." said Rey. "That does look
kinda cute. Maybe you could show me tonight, eh?" They hugged. The Big TV
powered down.
Rini vs. Womankind
"This match-up is sure to be a crowd pleaser. Rini and Womankind have hated
each other for what seems like forever. Lets hope they don't hold back." said
Steven. "Lets hope they don't hold back the puppies either!" yelled Ken. Rini
came out first, and the crowd went wild. She had a loose flowing top and shorts
on. "Womankind is gonna rip that right off her! What is she thinking?" said
Steven. Womankind came out next and the crowd went quiet. "That can't be good.
Womankind is not getting any support tonight." said Steven. The bell rang and
Rini charged in with a clothesline. Womankind got up and kicked Rini in the
head. She grabbed Rini and threw her into the ropes, then chopped her down on
the rebound. Rini rolled as Womankind stomped down. Rini grabbed Womankind and
delivered a DDT. Womankind got up and charged Rini, knocking her over. She
grabbed Rini and slammed her head into the mat a few times. Then she stood Rini
up and grabbed her top and shorts. "Here it comes!" yelled Ken. Womankind
ripped Rini's cloths off, but Rini was wearing a tight sports bra and short bike
pants underneath the loose clothes. Printed on the sports bra was "Womankind
sucks!" in big letters. The crowd roared. "Wow, Rini must have expected that
move from Womankind!" yelled Steven. As Womankind stared, Rini kicked her hard
in the gut. As Womankind folded, Rini raised her knee and connected with
Womankind's face. Rini grabbed Womankind and suplexed her down, rolled her and
pinned. 1..2..3! "What an unexpected turnaround for Rini!" said Steven. "I
wanted to see puppies!" said Ken.
Countdown
The Big TV powered up and a clock appeared on it. Steven said,"What's this?" The clock flashed 20 minutes and started counting down. Steven said,"What's it counting down to? What's going to happen 20 minutes from now?"
Macho Moose vs. ??????
The Moose Pack's music hit and Macho Moose came out. Steven said,"Who will this man be facing? Timothy has promised that everyone of those wrestlers would lose and so far it's been true. Will it be true after this match?" Strange music hit and a weird man in an orange and green full body suit walked out. Ken said,"What the!?" He had a mic and said,"Hola chicos. Soy El Grapadoro. Macho Moose es puta de UWM y voy a batir su asno! Ken said,"Umm....did anyone get that.." Steven said,"Look at the Spanish announcer's table. They're going crazy." Macho Moose stood staring at El Grapadoro as he got into the ring. The bell rang and El Grapadoro jumped on Macho. El Grapadoro punched away at Macho Moose but Macho picked him up and bodyslammed him. Steven said,"El Grapadoro is not looking good," as Macho stomped away at his ribs. El Grapadoro rolled out of the ring and got a chair. The ref yelled at him and El Grapadoro moved to the Spanish announcer's table. Ken said,"What's he doing?" El Grapadoro took a mic and said,"El Grapadoro is in da house! Macho Moose, I have a lot of respect for you but you do NOT know how to wrestle. I am a luchador. You are not." Macho Moose slid out of the ring and clotheslined El Grapadoro. El Grapadoro got up slowly and Macho gave him an elbow to the back of the head. The ref told Macho to bring the fight back into the ring and macho shoved him down. El Grapadoro came from behind with a steel chair to Macho's back. Ken said,"The ref never saw it!" El Grapadoro rolled Macho into the ring and pinned. The ref slid in and counted 1..2. and Macho kicked out. Steven said,"We almost had a huge upset." El Grapadoro picked Macho up and put him in the corner. El Grapadoro ran to the opposite corner, ran back, and hit Macho with a huge splash. Macho stumbled around and El Grapadoro went for a ddt but Macho countered with a suplex. El Grapadoro got up and walked straight into the JackSmack Powerbomb. Steven said,"It's all over!" Macho climbed the turnbuckle and gave El Grapadoro the Elbowdrop. He pinned and the ref counted 1..2..3. Steven said,"Macho Moose proved Mr. Jones wrong and won his match. What about Kef-Pac!?"
Timothy Jones in the Ring
"No Chance" played and Timothy Jones walked out and got into the ring with a mic. He said,"Tomorrow, I will take on that son of a bitch, PD Derek and I will win. Do you know why? The first reason is that I've been in training ever since the challenge was made. The second reason is....PD Derek is not MAN ENOUGH to take me on. He'll probably get counted out from running away from me. I bet he can't.." Timothy Jones was interupted by PD Derek's music. He came out and stood at the entrance ramp. Ken said,"Look at the clock! One minute to go!" Steven said,"Yeah...but to what?" Derek had a mic and said,"Training? I've been in training all my life and you've had about one week of traning. As for me not being man enough, I don't think so. I seem to remember it was always YOU running from ME." Mr. Jones said,"Well, I guess you've been wondering what that clock is for. It's the clock for PD Derek's contract." He laughs as the clock hits zero and says,"PD Derk, YOUR ASS IS FIRED!" Steven screamed,"WHAT!?" Ken said,"PD Derek only had a month contract." Mr. Jones said,"Since you are no longer a wrestler, you are just like these assholes in the audience. The audience has no right to be on the entrance ramp so security, remove Mr. Derek. Officials ran up to Derek and Derek attacked them. More and more came from the back and finally got control of Derek. They dragged him off as Timothy Jones said,"Say goodbye to another asshole."
Kef-Pac vs. ?????????
Kef-Pac's music hit and he ran out to the crowd's cheers. Steven said,"This is the last match and Mr. Jones promised that Triple X would fight tonight so it must be in this match but Timothy has been known to lie." Ken said,"Shut up." Triple X's music hit and he walked out to the entrance area. Ken said,"I had no doubt in my mind that he would fight." "No Chance" hit and Adam Blackman came out and stood by Triple X. Steven said,"Wait! That's not far. Two-on-one," as they came to the ring. Everyone got into the ring and the bell rang. Adam and Triple X knocked Kef-Pac down right away and double teamed him. The ref got Adam to the apron, Triple X took advantage, and lowblowed Kef-Pac. Kef-Pac fell to the mat and Triple X put him in a sleeper hold. Kef-Pac elbowed his way out of it and got up as Triple X got up. Kef-Pac gave him a huge Spinkick that knocked Triple X to the outside. Adam Blackman got in with a Kendo Stick as the ref checked on Triple X. Kef-Pac turned around and Adam hit him hard with the Kendo Stick. Adam tossed the Kendo Stick away and stomped on Kef-Pac. Triple X got back into the ring and stomped on him too. The ref yelled at them and Triple X punched him. Ken said,"Stupid referee got in the way of that punch." Triple X and Adam continued to double team Kef-Pac. Steven said,"This isn't right! Kef-Pac's been busted open." They continued to beat on him until PD Derek's music hit. Ken screamed,"WHAT!?" Steven yelled,"He's back! He's back! PD DEREK IS BACK!" PD Derek came out of the entrance area with two men behind him. Officials ran up to him and the men attacked them. PD Derek slid into the ring. He knocked Adam to the outside and attacked Triple X. Ken said,"What the Hell is going on!?" Triple X was clotheslined to the outside and Derek got a mic. He said,"I know I'm not suppose to be here but I also know that I was suppose to face Timothy Jones tomorrow. Get your ass out here and face me unless you're not...MAN ENOUGH!" "No Chance" hit and Mr. Jones came out with a mic. He said,"You've got one minute before I have you arrested." Derek said,"PD Derek will take has much time as I damn-well need. I simply want a contract. Now, before you say no, listen. I will not only give that 200,000 dollars to your daughter, the slut but also you will have control of all my matches until I become a contender for the World Championship again." Steven asked,"Is PD Derek crazy!?" Timothy Jones said,"You've got a deal. But you must realize, you have no chance." Derek said,"I think I have a good chance seeing that I'm stronger, I beat the crap out of those rent-a-cops, and I got my good friends Shawn and DJ to protect me. Timothy, YOU have no chance." Steven said,"Good God! What's going to happen at Unrestricted!"
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