Josh LeReux Interview
"Welcome to Hardcore Heaven only on Pay-Per-View! Tonight is going to be big. Timothy Jones's daughter Jamie Jones is pregnant and it's someone that works for her dad. We should find out who it is tonight. All the matches are Hardcore Rules and the Main Event is Kef-Pac verses Josh LeReux in a Giant Cage Match. Josh LeReux should be out any,"said Steven before he was cut off. Josh LeReux walked out. He got into the ring, grabbed a mike, and said,"I have done all I have needed to do and proven that nothing can stop The Rage. I am retiring." Derek said,"WHAT!?" Josh continued,"I will not have a match to decide who gets this belt. I have someone who will take it and someone who will be in the main event tonight. I would like to present the UWM World Champion and the NEW leader of the Rage....SIN!" The lights went out and Sin walked out. Derek said,"A new leader of The Rage!? GEEZ..That guy is huge!" Sin walked into the ring wearing the World Championship Belt, grabbed the mike, and said,"I will crush all that stand in the way of The Rage." The lights went out and they were gone. Steven said,"WOW! The main event changed, It's now Kef-Pac verses Sin in that Giant Cage Match."
EdgE666 vs. Triple X
"Well Derek this is certainly gonna be a...""SLOBBERKNOCKER!!!!!!!!" Triple X came out first throwing porno stuff in the crowd, got in the ring and grabbed the mike. "Edge666 you little punk, I'm gonna hurt u bad." Edge666 came out of the crowd and asked XXX for the mike but XXX leveled him with it. The bell rang and the match started. Edge666 got up and XXX punched and kicked him until he went back down. XXX hit a blaintnent low blow and went outside the ring to get weapons. "Here we go" said Derek. XXX lifted the ring mat and pulled out a wagon full of weapons. Triple X grabbed a baking sheet and hit Edge666 right between the eyes, Edge666 fell down and got right back up. XXX hit him again, Edge666 got right up. XXX went to hit Edge666 again but this time Edge666 kicked XXX in the stomach, XXX dropped the baking sheet and Edge666 evenmoosed him onto it. "How did he keep getting up" said Steven. Edge666 rolled out of the ring and lifted the ring mat, pulled out a baseball bat, and rolled back in. Edge666 hit XXX in the back and then in the stomach. Edge666 put the bat down and suplexed XXX onto it. Edge666 ran to the backstage area and the Big Moose helped Edge666 push a dumpster full of weapons out. Edge666 grabbed a kendo stick, rolled in the ring, and crack over the head of XXX. "That busted XXX open" said Steven. Edge666 picked XXX up and german suplexed XXX into a pin, 1,2,kickout. Edge666 picked up XXX and did a back-breaker. Edge666 went to the top rope and tried a knee drop, XXX rolled out of the way and Edge666 missed. Ref started a count "1,2,3,4,5,6,7," and both men were up. XXX went to punch Edge666 but missed, Edge666 went to punch XXX and missed, XXX kicked Edge in the groin, bounced off the ropes and tried a high-knee, but Edge666 ducked and XXX hit the ref. The ref was knocked out and when XXX turned around and was evenmoosed. Edge666 went outside the ring and pulled out 2 tables and set them up outside the ring side by side. Edge666 grabbed XXX and strattled him on the toprope. Edge666 grabbed XXX foot and brought in on the other side. "No way" screamed Steven. Edge tried to suplex XXX but XXX blocked, kicked Edge666 2 times and did a tornado ddt off the ring threw 2 tables. "SLOBBERKNOCKER!!!!!!!" Both men were out. A new ref came out and started a count "1,2,3,4" and then XXX draped his arm on Edge666. 1,2,NO kickout. The crowd went nuts. XXX got up slowly and grabbed the wagon, dumped all the weapons out and nailed Edge666. Cover 1,2,NO kickout. "I don't believe it" said Steven. XXX was in disbelief. XXX put the wagon down and picked Edge666 up, put and full-nelson slammed him onto the wagon. Cover 1,2,NO kickout. "2 and 3/4" screamed Derek. XXX rolled Edge666 in the ring and signalled for the Sexdegree. Edge666 was ready and hit a mini-jaw-breaker. Edge666 signalled for his move. But XXX pulled a porno video out of his trunks and hit Edge666 were he had benn prodded 2 wekks ago. Edge666 screamed in pain and fell to the ground. XXX went to the toprope and sat there until Edge666 finally got up. XXX dived at Edge666 but Edge666 countered with a super-evenmoose ddt and floated over onto XXX with only his hand on XXX chest. 1,2,3. "Edge666 has beaten Triple X in a great match" said Steven. "SLOBBERKNOCKER!!!!!!!"
Kevin Michaels vs. Joe Hart vs. Hardcore Howie vs. Justin Edible vs. Adam Blackman
"This is going to be a great match. It's the Royal Rumble for the Hardcore Championship," Steven said. Derek said,"Yeah whatever. Let's just skip this and get to the Tygress vs. DDT match. I got a feeling we'll see so puppies." Justin Edible walked out. Steven said,"This is a new wrestler in UWM. I wonder if he could win this." Justin grabbed the mike and said,"I'm gonna win this Royal Rumble and you all will learn why That's not just sick. That's not just revolting. That's JUSTIN EDIBLE!" Steven said,"Every ten seconds a new wrestler will come out. There are five wrestlers. Like every match tonight, all the rules are hardcore and you must toss the other wrestlers over the top rope to win." Hardcore Howie came down next with a chair. He got in, grabbed the mike, and said,"I know your new to UWM so I'm gonna do you a favor. Leave right now and I won't kick your ass." The crowd boo'ed. Howie turned around when he heard them and Justin dropkicked him in the back of the head. Justin stomped on him and Howie rolled out of the ring. Howie turned around and hit Justin with the chair. The bell rang and Kevin Michaels ran out. HBK jumped on the railing, ran at Howie, and did the Sweet & Sour Chin Music through a chair. HBK rolled Howie into the ring and was about to climb in himself but Justin Edible powerbombed him on the chair Howie brought. Derek licked his lips and said,"Slobber-Knocker" The bell rang and Joe Hart ran out. He got into the ring and tossed Howie over the topropes onto Justin and Kevin. Joe slid out and started stomping on both of them. The bell rang and Adam Blackman came out with his Kendo Stick. Joe ran at Adam. Adam swung the Kendo Stick, Joe ducked, lowblowed him. HBK picked Justin up, rolled him into the ring, and then got in himself. Steven said,"Look! It's Triple X." Triple X came out of the crowd and got into the ring. He grabbed Kevin and did the SexDegree on him. Triple X threw HBK over the toprope. He went over to Justin Edible and set him up for the SexDegree, but Justin pushed him away and did the Sky High on him. Justin tossed Triple X over the toprope. Derek said,"Triple X wasn't even in this match but Justin doesn't care." On the outside, Joe whipped Adam into the steel steps. Justin did a baseball slide and hit Joe Hart. He rolled Joe into the ring. He tried to toss him over the toprope but Joe held on. Adam got up and pulled Joe down on the outside. Steven said,"It's just Adam and Justin now." Adam got in the ring and there was a staredown. Adam and Justin shook hands and Justin climbed out over the toprope. Derek said,"What the fuck was that!?" Steven said,"I don't know but it looks like they're friends." Adam Blackman won.
DDT vs. Tygress
Derek screamed,"PUPPIES!" Diamond Dallas Tracy came out. Steven said,"DDT was voted one of the Sexiest Female Wrestlers." Derek said,"She should be with the Sexiest Male announcer and by that I mean me." Tygress walked out next. Derek, once again, screamed,"PUPPIES!" Tygress slid into the ring and the bell rang. DDT kicked her in the face as Tygress was getting up. Derek said,"Not only is she sexiest, she's tough." DDT picked a chair up from the outside and hit Tygress in the head with it. Steven said,"Tygress is hurt." DDT went for a ddt on the chair, but Tygress picked her up and sidewalk slammed her on the chair. Tygress climbed the turnbuckle and waited for DDT to get up. Tygress went for the Tyger Pounce, but DDT moved out of the way and ddt'ed her on the chair. Steven yelled,"GOOD GOD! Tygress hit hard." DDT covered and the ref counted 1..2..3. DDT won. Steven said,"Oh my God...Tygress isn't moving. Get someone out here. She needs help!" UWM Medical Team came out and so did Kef-Pac. Derek said,"Oh no. She's hurt bad." The Medical Team put Tygress on a strecher and pushed her to the exit right of the ramp as Kef-Pac held her hand. An ambulance was waiting there and they put her in. Kef-Pac was about to climb in too until he heard Sin's voice. Sin said,"If you leave Kef-Pac, you can't have your title shot. Everyone will know you're a coward if you go with her. Be a man! Fight me!" Kef-Pac looked at Sin and then at Tygress. He looked at Sin, did the "Kram It" sign and got in the ambulance. As it drove away, the Moose Pack's music started playing. Macho Moose came out and said,"Well, since the no.1 contender is gone, I believe that the no.2 contender should get a title shot now. Now, let me think. Who is the no.2 contender? That's right! It's me. I'll see you in that cage tonight and we'll see who goes out on a strecher next. OHHHH YEAH!"
Big Moose/ReyMooseJr vs. Pane/Crispy
The Big Moose and Rey walked out into the parking lot. People began flooding out of the arena to watch the fight. "This is going to be a classic matchup between the Rage and the Moosepack." Steven said. Just then a red and black 4x4 came speeding into the parking lot and was heading for Rey and the Big Moose. Rey and the Big Moose jumped out of the way and Crispy and Pane jumped out of the 4x4. Pane went after the Big Moose and Crispy ran at Rey. Crispy tried the Crispy Spear right away but Rey jumped up and Crispy hit his shoulder into the car. Pane punched the Big Moose and rammed his head through a glass window of a car. "Wow! The Big Moose is busted open and we're about 15 seconds into the match!" Steven yelled. Derek licked his lips and screamed "SLOBBER-KNOCKER!" Rey rolled Crispy onto the top of the 4x4. Rey set up a table by the side of the 4x4, poured screws on the table, and then climbed up to the top of the 4x4. Rey picked Crispy up and suplexed him off the top of the 4x4 and through the table. "What an awesome move!" Steven yelled. Rey covered 1...2.Pane came over to disrupt the count. Pane picked Rey up, and choked him high in the air. Pane picked up some shards of glass that were broken from the Big Moose and punched Rey repeatedly with them. Rey was cut and bleeding over his eye. "Pane is on a rampage!" Steven said. The Big Moose finally got up and picked up a spare tire from a car. The Big Moose threw the tire into Pane's back. Rey grabbed a crowbar and began hitting Pane in the leg with it. Then both the Big Moose and Rey hit Pane in the head with the crowbar and the tire. The Big Moose and Rey went over to Crispy, who was still down from the suplex through the table by Rey. The Big Moose did the Moose drop on Crispy, and then pushed down on Crispy's back. Crispy didn't give up. Rey climbed onto the 4x4 again and did a gulliotine leg drop onto Cripsy's face. "Wow! That was a devastating move! Crispy's back almost snapped in two!" Steven yelled. Crispy was down and out from the pain. Rey covered 1...2...3! The Moosepack team wins the brutal war out in the parking lot at Hardcore Heaven.
Kevin Hash vs. The Brain/Jerkicho
Brains music starts and Jerkicho and Brain walk out and grab the mike. "Hash you jabroni. You think you impress the Brain well camera man what the hell is his first name, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HIS FIRST NAME IS!!! Hash you bring, your rudy poo candy ...butt down so the brain can lay the smack down on your candy..butt. Kevin Hash's music starts and he walks down the aisle. Jerkicho was busy gathering weapons and throwing them into the ring. Hash grabbed the steel ring steps and threw them in the ring with ease. Brain tried to pick the stairs up but before he could Hash was in the ring and punching and stomping brain. Jerkicho got back in the ring after almost covering the mat with weapons. Jerkicho went for a cross body block and Hash caught him flipped him over and spinebustered him onto a steel chair. Brain charged out of the corner he clothslined Hash. Hash didn't move. He grabbed Brains throat and bodyslammed him onto a glass cup. "Oh my god" said Steven. Brains back was cut badly from the shattered glass. Jerkicho charged at Hash again and got spinebustered again onto a garbage can. Hash stood in the ring and the crowd cheered. Brain got up and picked up a kendo stick. Hash went to kick the kendo stick away and missed, Brain drilled Hash in the kneecap and Hash fell down. Brain revived jerkicho and both precieded to stomp Hash. The ref went to stop Brain and Jerkicho and recieved a brainbottom, followed by a lion-twotimer. The ref was out and brain went on back to attacking Hash's leg. Brain put a chair around Hash's shin and raised his eyebrow."Brains Elbow"screamed Derek. Brain bounced of the ropes and boom, Brains elbow onto the chair. "Smart move to not expose his elbow" said Steven. Jerkicho was mocking Hash and Brain told him to put on the lion-twotimer. Jerkicho tried to put on the lion-twotimer but Hash's legs were to strong. Brain was busy flipping off the crowd and Hash turned Jerkichos own force against him and flipped him over. Jerkichos leg hit the brain in the back of the head and Brain was knocked out. Jerkicho was regaining his focus and seen that Brain was knocked out, he tried to get out of the ring and Kevin Hash grabbed him and did his finisher, the Hanging Powerbomb. Hash covers Jerkicho 1,2,3. Winner Kevin Hash. "Impressive debut for Kevin Hash" said Steven.
RoadFoxx vs. Al Fro
"Well folks tonight is the debut of Al Fro" said Steven. "What does everybody want, OSMOK" Al fro came out with a hamster and grabbed the mike, "Well you see im Al Fro and this is my hamster Osmok and" the Road Foxx's music started.Road Foxx ran down the aisle and slid into the ring. Al stomped Road Foxx and repeatally punched him. Al grabbed a turnbuckle pad and ripped it off. Al picked Foxx up and drove his face into the exposed steel. The crowd counted 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20. Road Foxx colapsed to the ground like a potato sac. Al ran outside the ring and took out a table and set it up, went in the ring and grabbed Foxx, put him on the table. Al jumped in the ring went to the top and did a moonsault but hit nothing but the table. Foxx rolled out of the way. Osmok walked around the ring since he didn't have a cage. Foxx grabbed a steel chair and chased Osmok. Foxx swung the chair wildly try ing to hit Osmok. Al got up and seen what Foxx was doing jumped in the ring onto the toprope and missile-drop kicked Foxx. Osmok ran to the corner and laid down. Al picked Foxx up and body slammed foxx down. AL ran and jumped to the toprope and did a kamikaze head-butt. Foxx was starting to get up when Osmok ran over a pissed on his hand. "That hampster pissed on Foxx's hand" said Steven. Pd Derek was laughing. Foxx went to grab Osmok but Al grabbed Foxx's leg and hit it with a steel chair. Al went outside the ring and grabbed a ladder, trash can and a basketball. Al took the basketball and threw it as hard as he could at Foxx, the ball hit Foxx in the face and startled him. Al hit Foxx with the trash can and Foxx rolled out of the ring. AL set the ladder up and jumped off it onto Foxx. But Al landed on his ribs aukwardly. Foxx got up and did the Road Kill on Al. But he didn't cover, Foxx grabbed Osmok and took him backstage. A camera followed Foxx around and Steven said "i think hes going to the bathroom with Osmok." Al Fro got up and looked for Osmok, he ran backstage and the cameras had found Foxx with Osmok again. Foxx went in the bathroom, opened a stall and Al Fro jumped at him. Osmok escaped and Al stomped Foxx. Al picked up Foxx crammed a urinal cake in his mouth and hit the Froplow. "Thats his move" said Derek. Al covered 1,2,3. Al Fro beat Road Foxx.
Timothy Jones and Jamie Jones Interview
Timothy Jones and Jamie Jones walked out. They got into the ring. Timothy grabbed a mike and said,"As you all know, my daughter, Jamie is pregnant." The camera pans over to a sign that says ,"I got Jamie pregnant." Mr. Jones continued,"Now, Jamie you must tell me and the world who did this to you."Jamie took the mike and said,"I can't tell you." Timothy took the mike and said,"Come on. I pay for your college. Tell me who got you pregnant. Jamie started crying. Timothy said,"We don't have all day. Tell me or you'll have to pay for college yourself. She took the mike and said,"It was Derek." Steven yelled,"WHAT!DEREK?" Derek said,"She couldn't keep her mouth shut." Timothy looked over at Derek, his face turned angry, he pointed at Derek, and screamed,"YOU'RE FIRED!" Derek got up, went into the ring, and stood face-to-face with Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones said,"Get the hell out of my sight." Derek walked away, then turned around, and clotheslined Timothy. Officals came out and got Derek off Timothy. Timothy screamed, "REMOVE HIM FROM THE BUILDING and take my daughter back to my office." Timothy sat down where Derek was sitting and said,"I guess I'll have to be an announcer."
Macho Moose vs. Sin
"This is it! The Giant Cage Match Main Event! Macho Moose verses Sin! It was supposed to be Kef-Pac verses Josh LeReux but Josh retired and gave the belt to Sin and Kef-Pac went to the hospital with Tygress. This should be a great match," said Steven. Macho Moose came down first,went into the cage, and got into the ring. He grabbed a mike and said,"OHHHH YEAH!" The crowd roared. He continued,"I don't know who this Sin person is but I'll make sure that I pound my name into his head. OHHHH YEAH!" The lights went out and Sin's music came on. When the lights came back on, Sin was in the ring behind Macho and the cage door was locked. When Macho turned around, he got a massive clothesline from Sin. Timothy said,"I don't really like that Josh just gave Sin the belt. Sin should be at the bottom fighting guys like KidMike." Sin picked Macho up and threw him over the toprope into the steel cage wall. Steven said,"OH MY GOD! What strength Sin has! I'm sure if Derek was here he'd be licking his lips and saying slobber- knocker." Timothy said,"Well, Derek isn't here and he'll never be here again! That bastard got my daughter pregnant! I should have never hired that asshole!" Sin got out of the ring, shoved Macho's face against the cage wall, and grinds his face against it. Macho moved his leg back quickly and hit Sin below the equator. Macho tried to whip Sin into the cage but he reversed and sent Macho face-first into the steel. As Macho was trying to get up, Sin climbed the toprope. When he turned around, Sin jumped at him for the flying clothesline but Macho moved and sin was left eating steel. Macho looked under the ring for any weapons and Sin slammed his head against the hard floor. Steven said,"I understand Sin's finishing move is a Tombstone Piledriver. That must be why he's working on Macho Moose's head." Timothy Jones said,"I'd like to get my hands on Derek and do that." Sin picked up the steel steps and slammed them on the side of Macho's head. Steven said,"Dear GOD! Macho is busted open! This could be the end of Macho Moose's career." Sin got into the ring, grabbed the ref, and took the keys to the cage. Sin got out of the ring, picked up Macho by the head, and brought him to the cage door. Sin opened the door and was about to slam the door on his head but Macho kicked him in the stomuch and slammed the door on Sin's head. Timothy said,"Ouch! That's what he gets for pretending to be a champion." Sin heard that, pushed Macho away, and grabbed Mr. Jones. He picked him up, flipped him upsidedown, and Tombstoned him. Steven yelled,"OH NO! MR. JONES! SIN JUST TOMBSTONED MR. JONES!" Macho came from behind with a lowblow. Macho grabbed a chair and smacked Sin in the head with it. Macho grabbed a mike from the spanish announcer's table, said,"Yo quiero Slim Jims", and hit Sin with it. Sin fell down and Macho continued,"Yo soy chimichonga y Sin es gordita...SLIM JIM OHHH YEAH!" The spanish part of the crowd chanted "Vivo Moose." Macho turned around and Sin hit him with the announcer's tv. Steven said,"Damnit. Timothy is down, my tv is gone, and the spanish table has no mike." Sin whipped Macho into the side of the cage. The ref yelled at Sin to bring the fight back inside the cage. Sin pushed him away and ddt'ed Macho on the floor. Sin went for a tombstone but Macho kneed him in the stomuch and did a gutbuster on him. Macho grabbed a chair and when he got up, Macho hit him in the head with it. Sin was still standing. Macho hit him again and he was still standing. Macho went for another chair shot but Sin grabbed the chair and hit Macho with it. Sin pulled Macho on top of the spanish table. Sin got Macho up in a powerbomb but he countered and ddted Sin's head through the table. Steven yelled,"THEY'RE KILLING EACH OTHER!" Macho put Sin on top of the other table Steven was at. Steven said,"I don't want him!" Macho climbed up the cage wall all the way to the top. Steven said,"What's Macho doing? OH NO! DON'T! MACHO IS CALLING FOR THE ELBOW DROP OFF THE TOP OF THE GIANT CAGE!! DON'T! NO!" Macho Moose jumped off the top of the cage and landed the elbow on Sin's chest. Steven jumped over the crowd railing and Macho and Sin went through the announcers table. Steven yelled,"OH MY GOD! I'M NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT!" As Macho lay on top of Sin, the ref and the crowd counted 1..2..3. MACHO MOOSE WON! Macho Moose is the NEW UWM WORLD CHAMPION! The whole Moose Pack comes out and celebrates with Macho while the crowd chants "Moose Pack" and the spanish section still chants,"Vivo Moose."