chicken finger flashback

11-22-99

I'm too lazy to write an entry tonight, so I'm going to give you a taste of what I was like back in my sophomore year in college. I'd just broken up with Mike the Dickhead and I was sorry about it, and generally depressed about everything. All grammar is sic--seems like I had a love affair with run-on sentences and unending paragraphs.

April 1, 1995

Tonight I was practicing and I completely blew my chops and I decided that I had to play 4 Rochut etudes before I quit. And I knew that I never do that because I get bored, especially if I play them all down an octave, so I decided to play 2 up and 2 down. After I played one down and one up my chops were tired again so I decided to play the last two both down, which is better anyway. In the middle of the last one I was thinking how nice it was that the last etude I played was in e minor and it looked like it was going to be in e minor all the way so I was pretty pumped but then all of a sudden it modulated to E major and I started to get depressed. I got even more depressed when I looked down and realized that the damn thing was going to end in E major and I was going to have to play a fucking perfect cadence in E major and I got pretty pissed off. And then my brain jumped to when I was little and my mom and my brother and I used to go to Angola and stay in the Holiday Inn there and go swimming and we always would go to Fremont to the brown restaurant on the corner and get chicken fingers and criss-cross waffle fries and cherry pie and go back to the hotel and eat on the beds and watch cable. And I just remember how Matt and I used to fight and the last time we went there mom said we were too old and it wasn't fun any more and we had to stop fighting. We fought the whole time but we were trying to be nice and we went to Fremont and got chicken fingers and waffle fries and cherry pie and then we went back to the hotel and I hated matt and we were going in but he was way ahead of me and I was way ahead of mom. I just remember walking in the stairwell and seeing chicken all over the stairs and I knew he dropped the chicken all over and I knew mom was coming in the door and I was scared and mad and disappointed and I hated everything. And I remember that feeling and how sad I felt and how I wondered how sad mom would feel and I hate that day. I hate that day and I hate every day that makes me remember it.