Babysync- Part 2/4

*******
	From the moment he opened his eyes, Justin's morning was a blur. His mother woke him up and told him while he was still fuzzy to go back to his room and get his stuff together. It was nine-thirty, which was a pretty late morning for them, but going to bed so late made it still feel far too early. 
	So his mom kissed him and told him to go on ahead and try to wake up. In a daze, he found himself wandering out the door with the key to the other room in hand. He walked slowly down the hall feeling pretty unenthusiastic about the day.
	When he opened the door, he wasn't really surprised to see the guys already up. Even though getting up in the morning was tough, when there was a flight to catch, they couldn't mess around. He didn't see Lance, Steve, or Chris, but he heard the shower running so knew one of them was in there. 
	"Hey," JC greeted him with a smile. He was already packing, haphazardly folding him clothes and stuffing them his bag, which sat on the bed. "What's up, kid?" 
	Justin just looked at him and grunted, indifferent and tired. He hadn't decided how to react yet regarding the night before, and he was a little too sleepy to work on a specific expression or mood anyway. So he walked over to where someone had moved his stuff from the night before off the bed. His book, the Discman, the sweatshirt, and everything else was just sitting on the floor. He pulled his bag over and sat down on the ground.
	"Good morning, Justin," Joey said loudly from in front of the TV.  He gave a look to JC and a little smirk when Justin didn't say anything to him either. He seemed to say 'it's not just you'. Then he looked back at Justin. "Your expression pretty much sums up my mood, man."
	Justin gave him a frown. He didn't feel like he had any expression at all, never mind one that conveyed anything meaningful. 
	"How was last night, Curly Q?" JC asked, squeezing a pair of sneakers into his bag. "You have fun?"
	"Yeah," Justin managed to answer in a tired voice. He hadn't been sure his voice would work at all yet that morning.  
	JC nodded. He started to wonder if Justin was mad at him over the night before, even though there was no reason to be, or whether he was just tired. He'd gotten a reply, but that didn't mean much. "What'd you guys do?"
	"Eat." 
	"Yeah, going to dinner usually involves that..."
	"Then why'd you ask?"
	JC rolled his eyes, again wondering if this was just Justin in the morning, or whether there was something else behind his mood. He hoped it was just the morning, because hard feelings over people doing different things on a random night out seemed ridiculous. "Alright... Well, why don't you pack?"
	"What the hell do you think I'm doing?" Justin replied in a low voice as he unzipped his bag. 
	JC set his jaw and said nothing, folding a shirt. 
	"This is going to be a fantastic day," Joey said to no one in particular. He glanced out the window at the gloomy skies outside. "I can just tell." 
	Justin picked up a sweatshirt and threw it from where he sat towards JC. It landed on the floor by the bed. "That's yours."
	"Thanks."  JC bent down to pick it up and then sighed. "You pissed about something?"
	"No."
	"Then why are you in such a mood?"
	"Because I'm tired."
	"Alright. You sure?"
	"Yeah, I'm sure," Justin retorted. "Stop talking to me and just pack. Why do you have to talk to me this early in the morning?"
	"It's really not that early," Joey pointed out.
	"I just want to make sure you're not pissed at me because I'm the one that has to sit next to you on the plane," JC said. 
	"No, you don't," Justin answered, a little sharply. "You don't have to anything. You don't always have to be next to me, you know."
	JC looked at him with raised eyebrows and said, "Oookay," slowly. "Then I won't..." He shook his head as he returned to his packing. He met Joey's eye and shrugged. 
	"You get to sleep last night after you left, Justin?" Joey asked. 
	"Yeah." 
	"Then you're better rested than the rest of us."
	"Don't feel like it." 
	"Yeah... At least we can all sleep on the plane." 
*******
	The airport was crowded. Sitting there, JC stared at the window at the planes, watching them pull out and pull in, and watching the guys that worked out there with them, directing them into their places and watching over the luggage loading machines. He imagined it was a kind of nervewracking job; after all, you couldn't zone out when directing the planes.
	He sighed, looking back at his friends. Everyone seemed to be in a bad mood that morning, and he attributed it mostly to the lack of sleep that they all experienced the night before. He hoped that in a couple hours or so that everyone would be back to normal.  
	Lance was talking to Chris and they were laughing about something, pointing at somebody or something that JC couldn't see. Across from him, Joey was listening to headphones, eyes closed and a tranquil look on his face, and next to him Justin sat with a bag of Doritos in his lap, methodically eating them one by one despite that it was just about eleven AM. His fingers were orange. His parents were sitting in the next row over, talking as well.
	JC was bored.
	There wasn't too much space from him across to Joey or Justin and so JC put down the magazine he'd been looking at and slid his foot over to tap Justin's leg in front of him. Justin didn't look up and so he did it again, a little harder.
	Justin looked up then, and didn't look like he wanted to be bothered. "What." 
	"Want to do something?"
	"No."
	JC frowned as Justin looked back down again at the bag of chips. He was looking at nothing really. He ate another chip, chewing slowly. "What's wrong?" JC asked. 
	Joey reached over and pushed his hand into Justin's bag, crinkling it loudly as he grabbed some chips of his own. Justin glared at the hand but did nothing. His eyes returned to JC.
	"Nothing's wrong," Justin replied. "I just feel like I never went to bed."
	"Is that the reason I'm getting the vibe from you that you're mad at me?"
	"I'm not really," Justin said, without much reassurance in his voice.
	"Why don't you sleep here?" Joey asked him. He gestured over to a row of empty seats. "Go lay down there."
	Justin shrugged and popped another chip in his mouth. "Whatever." 
	"Well, either you're tired or you're not." 
	"I'm tired," Justin insisted. 
	"You're not 'really' mad?" JC asked.
	Justin shrugged. "Not really."
	"Is it about last night?"
	"What about last night?" Justin asked. "You weren't around."
	"I know. That's what I mean. You're annnoyed that the rest of us got back so late."
	"Whatever." Justin shrugged again. "You were having fun, obviously." 
	"Yeah, we were. And hopefully you were too." 
	Justin said nothing until a moment later when he whined, "Jo-ey…" as Joey reached for more Doritos. 
	"I'm helping," Joey responded as the bag rustled. "You can't eat all of them by yourself." 
	"Watch me." 
	"You'll get sick. What's the serving size?" Joey reached for the bag and turned it so he could see the nutritional information. "Six. Six people, man. And you've eaten half of it."
	"So?" 
	"So you can't barf on the plane."
	"I won't. I'm just hungry." 
	"It's not even lunchtime yet."
	"So? I'm hungry. What are you listening to?" Justin asked Joe. His headphones were now around his neck.
	"Nothing right now. You." Joey smirked. He loved being difficult to Justin. 
	"What were you listening to?"
	"To headphones."
	"What was on the headphones?"
	"Music."
	"Who was singing?"
	"The lead singer."
	Justin rolled the top of the Doritos bag down and leaned down to drop it into his bag. "No more for you."
	"Aw…" Joey rolled his eyes. "Come on." 
	"Your loss," Justin answered as he licked the orange coating off his fingers. 
	JC didn't say anything else. He wanted to figure out what exactly Justin had gotten upset about last night, and what exactly Chris had said to him as well, but it didn't seem worth it. If Justin was angry, fine, but he would have to get over it by the end of the day anyway. Tiredness was a good enough excuse to not worry about it. So JC picked his magazine back up and moved on. After ten minutes of listening to Justin and Joey squabble about nothing, they boarded the plane.
	Justin wound up sitting beside Chris.
	"I thought you told me they were fighting last night," Lance murmured, sitting in the aisle seat in another row with Joey beside him and JC next to Joe. 
	"I don't know," Joey answered back. "It wasn't really fighting I guess."
	"Not really fighting?"
	"I think they're over it... Maybe." 
	Chris and Justin were sitting in the row behind them. A middle-aged woman with headphones on loud enough that they could hear the music was sitting beside them. Lynn, Paul, and Steve were a couple rows down from them because their flights scheduling had been made later and seats not coordinated with theirs. 
	Joey began to realize a few minutes after takeoff that his guess about Chris and Justin being 'over it' was not as true as he thought. 
	It was lucky that the woman had on the headphones. Justin and Chris were arguing quite audibly.
	People in different rows would glance over at them now and again when their voices peaked in volume with degrading comments to each other.
	"How did that happen?" Joey asked. "This seating arrangement."
	"I just figured it was his nonverbal way of telling me he was still annoyed at me," JC replied.
	"Because of us coming back so late?" Lance asked. "What does that have to do with him?"
	"Just the whole birthday thing," JC replied. "I guess. I mean, I don't know. But I guess he wanted us all to hang out that night."
	"Whatever. His parents came. I'd say things worked out pretty well for him anyway."
	"Yeah, I don't know. And then who knows what Chris said to him. They always rile each other up." 
	"Yeah, I know, it's annoying. Why do they do that?" 
	"Because, it's fun to them," Joey answered with a sigh. He could hear their angry voices behind him and knew he couldn't last a fight like this. "To rile each other up."
	"It's annoying," Lance repeated. 
	"Very," Joey agreed, as he took off his seatbelt. He turned in his seat and pushed himself up to lean over the back of his seat with a menacing glare at the two of them. He was in time to hear Justin call Chris a 'dumb fuck who didn't know shit'.
	"Don't make me come back there, Justin Timberlake," Joey said with a serious look. "You know I will."
	"Me?" Justin answered with wide incredulous eyes, noticing Joey's head peering over the seat at them. "What about―"
	"Stop fighting." Joey set his jaw. "And don't call people dumb fucks, you dumb fuck." Justin was the youngest in the group, but he could undoubtedly have the foulest mouth when he was mad or felt like trying to be a badass. It was sometimes a little funny to hear some of the words that came out of his mouth because he'd obviously picked them up from the guys or the TV show or movie they'd just watched, and it seemed odd coming out of his typically innocent looking face. "You two are being loud." 
	"No, we're not," Justin protested. "We're just talking." 
	"I don't care. You two shouldn't even be talking," Joey continued, eyeing Chris now too. "What do you even have to fight about? We're not the only people on this flight." He glanced at the lady next to them. "Can she hear you?"
	"No. Her music is ridiculous. And we're conversing," Chris said dryly. "MYOB, Fatone." 
	"Conversing my ass," Joey answered. "You're ten years older than him, okay? Stop egging him on. Don't be a prick." He lowered himself back down to sit as he heard Chris say,
	"Hear that, you little fucker? Mind your goddamn elders and listen to me…" 
	Joey rolled his eyes and put his seatbelt on. If they wouldn't listen to him, there was nothing more he could do. 
	"Fuck you," Justin replied. "I hate you. And what does MYOB mean?"
	"Mind your own business, fool." 
	"I don't like those…  acra…  those things."
	"Acronyms?"
	"Whatever."
	"You don't like 'em, yet our group name is an acronym, remember? Our names?"
	"Whatever."
	"You're just stupid."
	Lance and Joey stopped listening and exchanged a look. 
	"I can't tell whether they're fighting or actually being nice…" JC muttered. 
	"They're just both angry today in general," Joey said. "I don't think it's for any particular reason but picking up their not getting along from last night seemed like a good idea to them apparently."
	JC yawned. "They'll get over it." 
	"Eventually."
	"What's the longest he's been mad at you before?" Lance asked. "I used to think you guys would never fight."
	"Everyone fights…" JC mused. "Um… Longest he's been mad…. Well… I guess…" He paused, thinking "When I went to LA maybe. I never planned on bringing him or including him in that. After the show ended, he tried to keep things like they were―  even when he and Lynn went back to Tennessee. I like to have him around but not for that. LA was my own experiment."
	"And he got mad?"
	"Well, I could just tell he was a little hurt for a while that I was there and he was supposed to be trying to be a normal kid― which he could never be. He never really told me how he felt. I never really told him about LA either… But he was happy when I came back to him in Nashville. Not like that was next door but closer than LA." 
	Joey rolled his eyes. "That's a stupid reason to be mad at you. You had to try to do your own thing."
	"Yeah. It's not like I had any doors to open for him at that point either. But, you know... He just wanted to have some connection to the business and he was stuck in Tennessee, trying to get back into that groove. Like, Trace, his friend, great kid, but he's got normal kid stuff going on that Justin can never relate to. Hasn't been able to since a long time. And he really loved to hang with Ryan also, but it's hard to keep that up too." 
	"Yeah. I mean... Yeah, I get that," Joey answered. "That would be hard."
	"Would you pick this or high school?" Lance asked.
	Joey laughed. "You mean this glorious, famous lifestyle we have?"
	"I'm serious."
	"I know..." Joey sighed. "Well, I think you've got to take opportunities as they present themselves. So if this had come when I was your age, I would've done the exact same thing."
	"I agree," JC said. "Who knows when something like this would ever come around again?"
	"That's true," Lance agreed. "I mean, that's how I looked at it too. But at least I had some high school experience. Justin never will."
	"Well, it's all relative. I mean, trade one experience for the other. This is kind of a memorable journey we're on," Joey answered. 
	"Yeah, true. But he brings it up sometimes, and I just... I guess, I kind of feel bad." 
	"He doesn't know the difference," JC answered. "It's just his own experience. There's nothing wrong with that."
	"Yeah, he thinks there is. You don't know what he says about it."
	"I know some of it," JC answered.
	"Like what?" Joey asked.
	"I don't know," Lance answered. "Specifically it's tough to say. But he brings it up some times, and you can tell it kind of bugs him." 
	"Brings up that he's missing out?"
	"Yeah."
	"The grass is always greener," JC said. "I mean, a lot of kids would trade places with him to be where he is right now. And to be honest, I'm not sure he would trade with them." 
	"I wouldn't," Joey replied. "Going to class every day and eating cafeteria food, or traveling around Europe and making records? Easy choice to me." 
	"Still, it's not that easy..." JC rolled his eyes. "It's not that easy at all." 
	"Well, sure. Shitty hotels, long waits in airports..." 
	"The whole not being a kid part is more along what I was thinking of."
	"He's still a kid. Whatever. Look at him," Joey said. "Or rather, listen to him, and he's definitely still a kid." 
	"A different type of kid."
	"Can't hold that against him."
	"I don't." 
 	"Not like how Chris holds it against him anyway," Lance replied.
	"Chris just likes to give him a hard time," JC replied. 
	"Well, Chris had a tough childhood too, you know," Joey answered. "So to him Justin has everything he wants. Chris spent most of his life trying to support his mom and sisters and having shit in terms of money." 
	"Because we have so much money…" Lance answered in a good-natured way with a hint of sarcasm.
	"A bit better than when we started," JC reminded. "Plus we have a lot of fans over here now." 
	Joey nodded. That was true. It seemed like everywhere they went now there was always at least one person there that recognized them from TV or a magazine. It was pretty cool. He was starting to get used to signing autographs and it was fun how they said their names in their accents and grinned at them like they were so famous. 
	"When I was talking to my sister the other day and told her," Lance started, "she didn't believe me. She says they've never heard of *NSYNC over there."
	"Yeah, well…" JC shrugged. "One day they will. Hey, how's she and her man doing? Ready to tie the knot?"
	Lance smiled. "Oh they seem to be doing great. Yeah."
	"That's good…" JC nodded and looked out the window at the clouds that they were cutting through once more. He listened to the hum of the engines. Then he turned his head and looked through the space between the seats to see behind him. 
	Justin's head was tilted to the side just slightly, thoughtful as though he was actually listening to Chris, whose mouth was moving, talking about something. At least they weren't fighting anymore. Or at least it didn't seem to be a belligerent conversation. But that didn't leave JC worrying a little about what Chris was saying. Chris always seemed intent on being blunt and sometimes painfully realistic, trying to kill Justin's idealism. Half the time Chris was more of a child than Justin, and the other half he seemed too jaded to really be the same man. Justin's expression didn't give much indication as to what type of topic they were on, so JC had no idea.
	As long as the loud obscene arguments were over. 
	He simply closed his eyes and slept for the rest of the flight. 
****** 
	They were driving to Kiel from Hamburg. It didn't seem like it would be too horribly long a drive. However, they'd had to wait at the airport a while to get their bags and to wait for the vans that were supposed to pick them up. They took two vans because there were eight of them. Randomly splitting into two groups of four, Lance and Chris split off with Lynn and Paul while Steve, Justin, Joey, and JC stayed together. 
	When the vans finally pulled up, JC could tell they were all tired. None of them had really gotten a good night's sleep and their plan of making up for it on the plane ride had barely been successful.
	After they all put their bags in the back, Joey and his brother slid into the first seats of the van. JC slid in the back first and Justin followed him. 
	Although at this point it was more of a self-fulfilling prophecy, JC could tell Justin was still intent on ignoring him for whatever reason. He didn't make any effort to speak to him when they climbed into the same row of seats. Instead he watched the driver shut the back door and climb back into the driver's seat. Turning the key in the ignition and adjusting the rear view mirror, the driver put the van into drive and began to pull away from the curb.
	JC turned to look at Justin.
	JC knew Justin like a favorite book. He watched and easily predicted. 
	Justin's jaw was slack and he was slouched in his seat, jeans low on his hips and the cross strap of his seatbelt riding up higher on his chest as he slouched down. His blue eyes were locked on the back of the seat in front of him, unblinking and unfocused. In a few minutes his eyelids would start to droop. 
	Predicably, Justin's head lolled once to the side in a tilt for just a second until he brought himself back to attention and tried to straighten. But he was so tired. His eyes closed again a moment later.
	"Hey," JC leaned over, tapping him on the arm after he saw the second uncomfortable head tilt happen.
	Justin swallowed and straightened a little, yawning and glancing over at him. "What." 
	JC's hand didn't hesitate when he reached over and unclicked Justin's seatbelt. "Why don't you stretch out," he suggested. Justin slid his arm out from the seatbelt, and shifted in the small confine of the back seat. "That's not comfortable."
	"Yeah... I want my bed..." Justin closed his eyes briefly and then opened them to look at JC uncertainly with a frown. "Can I sleep on you?"
	JC shrugged and nodded. 
	Justin gave a small grunt of gratitude as he smoothly slid himself towards JC's lap and stretched out to rest his upper body there, turning his head into JC's abdomen, curled up now comfortably like a cat across the back seat.
	JC for a moment wished he could be the one that stretched out and able to sleep, but knew the kid needed it more than he did. He sighed and reached to gently tug Justin's shirt down to cover the part of his belly exposed in the stretch. It didn't matter what grudge Justin could be holding against him. JC knew that when he was so tired, Justin loved to have a lap to sleep in and would never refuse. It was a given. It was also a perfect opportunity to hopefully alleviate any sour feelings that lingered. An, okay we're even for now, kind of gesture.
	Justin's legs stretched out on the seat and his sneakers touched the side of the van. JC could feel the warm breath from Justin's lips  through his shirt and moved his hand to comb through Justin's hair peacefully. 
	There was a closeness between them as friends that had developed years back. Sometimes JC wondered if the closeness was changing, or if their friendship was evolving into something not as familiar as Justin grew up. It was usually in the uncomfortable situations that he was reminded that the closeness was still there, and it was somewhat comforting to know that. But at the same time, it was convenience. There was always the possibility that Justin's cuddling behavior would disappear the moment they reached the hotel and he opened his eyes and realized his situation.
	But he wasn't about to worry about that now. For now he liked to be needed.
	JC tipped his head back and closed his own eyes, soon drifting into his own little reverie. 
******
	When JC woke up later, his lap was empty. He was also the only one in that back seat and Joey was leaning over, shaking his shoulder and saying that they were there. Blinking, JC looked out the window and saw Justin joking with Steve and Lance. It was bright out and they were at the hotel. 
	JC hated waking up last. But it happened a lot. 
	When he got out of the van he saw all the bags were out, sitting on the sidewalk. The vans pulled away. 
	"What are we doing tonight?" JC asked as he picked up his bag. He still felt the heaviness of sleep and wondered if he could simply get back in bed. 
	"Some festival," Chris replied. "R something?"
	"RSH," Lance supplied. "Radio station."
	"I'm hungry," Justin interrupted. 
	Lance ignored him. "Johnny says we might even get an award."
	"Well, can we get something to eat first?" Justin persisted.
	"Don't you care about the award?"
	"Not if I've never heard of SR..."
	"RSH. It's like Radio Schl.... something."
	"See, you've never heard of it either."
	"So? It's an award."
	"Who cares if no one's ever heard of it?" 
	"Since when are you too big to care about an award? The people in Germany know what it is." 
	"Fine. I'll care when I'm not so hungry," Justin persisted. "So let's go eat." 
	"Can we go in the hotel first?" Lance shot back at him. 
	Justin frowned and gave him a look. "I never said we couldn't."
	"Yes, you did. You said food first. You can only do one thing first."
	"You know what I meant. Shut up, Lance.'
	"Knock it off," Chris told them. "You guys are annoying." 
	"I second the hotel," JC said. "I want to lay down."
	"Whatever, JC. You've been laying down," Justin told him. 
	"No, technically you have. My back hurts." JC frowned and looked around. "Hey... Where are your parents?" he asked. 
	"Inside finding a bathroom." Justin made a face as his stomach grumbled. "God. I'm starving!"
	"Chill, man..." Chris told him. "We'll get food when we get food. There's nothing around right now."
	"I know, I know..." Justin frowned. 
	"Let's check in."  Lance pulled his bag up from the ground. 
*******
	After getting into their rooms, Justinwas just able to put his bag down on a chair before Joey took his arm and said, "Hey, come on." 
	"Come on where?" Justin replied. He hadn't even taken his coat off. He started to wonder if he had done something and was in trouble, which didn't make sense as he'd been asleep most of the morning, but then Joey asked, 
	"You still hungry?" 
	Justin nodded. 
	"Well." Joey showed him a handful of coins. "You think German hotels have soda and candy machines?"
	"I hope so." Justin brightened. He was then  reminded of one of their many orders from their PR about image and all the junk he'd eaten lately. All the sugar they downed nearly every five minutes. He was always drinking soda to stay awake, and they always had a stash of sugar around. "You know we're not supposed to have so much soda and candy and―" 
	"That's bullshit, kid, come on." 
	Justin unzipped his coat and slid it off. "Okay, let's find it." 
	Joey walked towards the door and Justin followed, yawning a bit. They left the other guys arguing about whose bed was whose as they disappeared. 
	Justin looked at Joey as they walked. "You saw some vending machines? I didn't see any when we came in." 
	"Yeah," Joey answered. "What do you feel like?" 
	"Anything," Justin answered. "I'm just hungry."
	"I know the feeling." Joey took a turn down another hall that they had come down and sensed Justin at his heels. He slowed and Justin walked next to him. "So… You okay today or are we going to have a repeat of drama?"
	"What do you mean?"
	"You know. From last night."
	"Oh… Um, yeah…" Justin watched the floor. "You know… It was just… Whatever."
	"What was it?" Joey jingled the change still in his hand. It was starting to feel gross and warm. He started to remember reading about how dirty change actually was. 
	"Just… It’s not that I wasn't with them… It was just… Like… I was really glad when ya'll came back, or I thought you had… and, I… I missed ya'll… And it's stupid… Sorry. But, then when…. It just wasn't what I was expecting. And I was just tired, it was late."  
	"Well, that's understandable, I guess… I just didn't know why you were so mad." 
	"Just because… I do that." 
	"Oh." Joey didn't bother telling him that wasn't a really good reason. He slowly started to edge in. "So, then, you're not really mad at JC?"
	"JC?"
	"Yeah, you know. Sleepy guy. Plays piano. Used be on a show with some curly-haired kid."
	Justin rolled his eyes. "Yeah." 
	"JC."
	"Not at him. I'm not mad at him. Not directly."
	"Then because you just felt like he ditched you?" Joey suggested.
	Justin shook his head. "No. I know it's not ditching me. He can hang out with whoever he want. It's just…" He paused. "You know what Chris said?" 
	Chris. Joey cursed silently to himself. An overtired, a little buzzed Chris Kirkpatrick who sometimes liked to think that he owned them with his words of twenty-five year old wisdom. "What? I mean he usually talks total shit, Justin."
	Justin shrugged without much commitment. "Well, he says how people do stuff for me and how―"
	"Justin." Joey shook his head. "You know Chris is a bitter old man."
	"But he's right, Joey. I mean, look at JC. I'm constantly… I don't know. I just want to see… I really don't need anybody, you know? Like mom's never been a real necessity."
	"Justin, moms are always necessities."
	"Your mom's cool. My mom's cool. But, Joey, I can live without her, you know? I'm not saying that in a mean way. Only that… And with JC. JC's known me forever and when we met he had to stick up for me a bunch and so I kinda keep letting him do that and maybe I should learn to do it myself…" 
	"Justin…" Joey shook his head again. "Don't be stupid." 
	Justin took a deep breath. "I thought I was being stupid before. Look, you're all here on your own. And then there's me. I've never done anything on my own.... Forget it. It's stupid." 
	They'd reached the vending machines and stopped walking. Justin walked over to run his fingers over the buttons of the machine. "What do I want?" 
	"Stupid according to whose standards, Justin?"
	"Joey, it doesn't matter," Justin persisted. "You asked, okay?" He pushed a button absentmindedly. "I just…"
	"You can need people. That's not stupid. I need people. I need my Mom. Sure, she's not here. It doesn't mean I don't miss her. It's all good."
	Justin shrugged. "It's not a big deal. I don't know. I just figured…" 
	"Well, acting like you're mad at JC on a whim isn't the way to tell him you don't need him. And I'm not sure that's all true either."
	Justin turned and looked at Joey a little defensively. "It is true. I don't need him. I don't need anybody. I can take care of myself."
	"Justin, you're sixteen."
	"I'm sick of being sixteen," Justin responded heatedly.
	"Well, that's hard to believe since you've only been since yesterday…" Joey tried not to sound too sarcastic. "I'm not saying you're helpless. You're obviously not. You can take any of us on, kid, alright? But I'm just saying it's okay to lean on people sometime."
	"I don't need to." 
	"That's hard to wake up one day and say that."
	"Well, I did."
	"I don't know what I'd do without Steve or my family… You know? I depend on them all the time. I wouldn't be here if Steve hadn't put his ass on the line for me a few times." 
	Justin said nothing for a second. Then he asked softly, "What about Chris?" 
	"Chris needs all of us. You think that little guy is unbeatable? You're wrong. He's tough but he needs us too. He wouldn't have his group without us. He wouldn't have Lance or JC if it weren't for you, kid. He needs you too. He loves you like a brother, man." 
	Justin looked unmoved. "I didn't say it to make a big deal, Joey, I'm just saying. I don't have to have everyone with me all the time anymore. I'm older now." 
	"You're a day older than when you needed someone last."
	"Not true. That's all… It was out of habit. With JC especially, it's just habit. He's used to it and I'm used to it and…"
	"Justin, I can't buy any of that. You're going to…" Joey stopped himself from telling Justin that it wouldn't last. That he'd fall back into JC's protectiveness sooner or later, especially with the stress of the road. But that might have made Justin mad so he didn't say it. "Well, you're not doing it right."
	"What do you mean?" Justin asked.
	"Well… You're not always coming off the right way. You're acting like you're mad at him for being out late last night and that you're holding a grudge."
	"I'm not. I don’t care. Because I didn’t need him then. I'm not mad." 
	Joey shrugged. "That's how it looks." 
	"But…" Justin frowned.
	"Look, you don't have to change anything…" Joey started. "You don't have to act any differently with him. Right?"
	Justin nodded, listening carefully. "Yeah." 
	"So you can't block him off. The only thing that you have to do, if you want to get that across, you've got to… Like last night, you were initially mad because he and Lance weren't back. Well, you have to stop doing stuff like that. And then we'll know how nonchalant you are about it."
	"What's that mean?"
	"What's what mean?"
	"Nonchalant?"
	"Like you don't care. You're totally cool about whatever anybody does. If you wanna be your own person, you gotta let everyone else be their own person." 
	Justin nodded. "Okay. That makes sense." 
	Joey sighed and held out his hand. "Here." He gave Justin a bunch of change. "How much is it?" 
	"Thanks, Joey." 
	Joey watched him slowly put the change into the slot in the vending machine and frowned. He wondered how long this forced independent phase would last. He bet on a couple hours.
	It was more of a conversation than he had expected from simply going to get some food, but he was glad he'd had it.
******
	And then of course he shared it. When he told JC about it, giving the best detail he could in remembering the conversation, the other man kind of rolled his eyes. They spoke in whispers on the couch while the others watched TV on the bed.
	"I thought you went to get candy."
	"We did." 
	"And you have an epiphany."
	"I guess."
	"And he doesn't want me as…"
	"I guess he doesn't want to be babied," Joey answered.
	"I don't baby him. I treat him like I treat any other friend. Besides, he's the one last night that was upset because we weren't there."
	"Well, I guess Chris made him feel like he should be a little more independent."
	"Well, fuck Chris," JC replied irritably. "That's stupid. He's not going to talk to me anymore because that's being independent?"  
	"No, no… That's not what he said..."
	"Well, whatever. I've known him since he was what, nearly ten years old, and now suddenly he's debating our relationship." 
	"He's not, JC." Joey didn't like playing messenger. He suddenly regretted discussing his talk with Justin. That had been a mistake. Maybe he should have just let Justin attempt whatever phases he wanted without explaining them to other people. "In fact, none of it really means anything."
	"Yeah." JC nodded. And then, as though he knew that they were talking about him, Justin suddenly barreled over and jumped between them over the back of the couch. "Hey." He stayed with his legs curled beneath him, pushing the two of them apart.
	JC looked at him in surprise. He hadn't looked back at the group on the bed in a while and so he hadn't noticed him coming over. 
	Justin slide an arm around each of his friend's necks and sighed, "So. What are you two talking about?"
	"You," JC answered simply.
	"Me?" Justin echoed. "What about me?"
	"How we think that you're not going to be in the group anymore," Joey replied. "You're going to be like the *NSYNC towel boy instead."
	"Towel boy?"
	"Yeah."
	"Towels?"
	"You can give us towels and water when we come off the stage after shows."
	"Sure." 
	"I think you'd be really good at it," JC added. "Do you think you can handle it?"
	"JC, I'm not mad at you," Justin blurted out as a non sequitor. "And I just wanted to come tell you."
	"Well, good…"
	"I just… I don't…. You know."
	"I know," JC replied, even though Justin had said nothing even slightly understandable. "Whatever." 
	"So you're not mad at me or nothing either…"
	"Nope." 
	"Okay. 'Cause I was just… I've been thinking about some things." 
	JC patted Justin's thigh. "Hey, I don't even know what you're talking about so don’t worry about it."
	"Okay." Justin's arms slid back from his friends and down to his sides. He looked back over at the TV  "I just wanted to make sure." 
	"You like the towel boy idea?" Joey elbowed him.
	"No."
	"Why not?"
	"You should be towel boy."
	"Why me?"
	Justin rolled his eyes. "Well, you're obvioulsly not contributing in any other way to the group."
	"Oh... Ouch..." JC laughed, watching Joey's expression turn to surprise. 
	"Whatever, you..." Joey slipped his arm around Justin's neck in a headlock, yanking him down against his chest. "That's what you think.... All the fans are for me."
	"No..." Justin laughed, pushing against him and trying to slide out of the hold. "Ugh... Let me up... Your t-shirt smells."
	"It smells like man," Joey replied.
	"No." Justin's face scrunched up. "It smells like ass." He managed to twist away and took a deep breath of fresh air. "You really need to do laundry."
	"That's the towel boy's job. That's why we need one."
	Justin looked at him in exasperation. "Ask Lance."
	Joey laughed. 
*******
	The RSH festival. It upset JC a bit when they arrived. Not the festival itself, but the people there. People like Lou. 
	Lou's intention was obvious. It wasn't as though they hadn't learned from the beginning what it was, but at times it was so conspicuous that Lou's fat head seemed transparent. He was showing them off. Like a trophy that he could just push onto anyone in his audience that he was trying to impress. 
	It hurt JC to see it with Justin. He watched Lou talk to the boy on the side, face animated, as if describing something. And Justin eyed the obese man; JC could always tell when Justin was a bit uncomfortable. He usually seemed that way with most people that weren't his family or group. He was always reserved in these instances, but he was a professional at the same time. Even as a teenager, he was so good at making people believe what they needed to. Justin eyed Lou and nodded and smiled and seemed to be listening. 
	And Lou would bring him around. The golden boy with halo of curls that Lou would introduce, alone or with the group, to the hoards of people there. The little circles of probably important people that were there for the festival and that they didn't recognize. 
	Justin would smile brightly, with any shyness he owned almost completely hidden by this air of confidence that he'd constantly been told by PR to present. His chin was high and his jaw line strong with that assuredness that they had been trying to drill into him. They'd all gotten those tips. Never falter. Show them who you are. Be proud. Sell. Smile. You're gold. You're the best. Tell them that. Their industry was about being live. 
	Lou would gesture at Justin as he spoke. Sometimes at the group where they were scattered or together or just a few feet away. And the eyes of the powerful would eye Justin, sometimes greedily; women and men looking him up and down. At his carefully chosen outfit that they, yet another they, had dressed him in. At his ringlets of curls and his smooth skin and his bright blue eyes. This boyish and model-like look all in this pop package… He was perfect and then knew it and they coveted him.
	JC watched it go on out of the corner of his eye, instinctively watchful. He wondered if he would ever feel less protective. Meanwhile, JC was meeting just as many people, Lance just a few feet away and Joey a little further than that. He tried to keep his eye on all of them. Chris had disappeared somewhere. 
	So he watched with his instinctively vigilant attitude. He wondered if Lance or Justin understood how greedy half the people in this room were. Yeah, they had to understand. They definitely had to. This wasn't the first time. It was obvious. They knew what their intentions could be.
	Some of them touched. They would pat your back, put a hand on your arm, some borderline to crossing the line. They did it so smoothly too. Every one of them.
	JC and Justin crossed paths at one point and JC took his arm when he had stepped away from a particular group.
	"Can I borrow you?" JC asked. 
	Justin's eyes shifted to Lou, talking to someone about ten feet away. "Please do."
	"Cool. Wanna walk?"
	"I'm thirsty."
	"Drinks are on the other side of the room."
	Justin nodded and they walked closely through the crowd. "I don’t remember any of these people's names," Justin said. 
	"Don't worry about it. You probably won't see them again."
	"Are you sure?"
	"Almost positive."
	"Lou wants me to meet everybody."
	"He does, huh?"
	"Yeah." Justin sighed. "That's what he said."
	"Well, you can't meet everybody."
	"I hope not. I don't like most of the ones I've already met... I'm tired, C. How long is this?"
	"I don't know. This is just the beginning. We haven't gotten to the awards or anything yet."
	"Are we really gonna get an award?"
	"Hey, you never know. I think Johnny said we had a good chance." JC eyed him. "We might."
	Justin frowned. Then as he reached the bar, he looked at the man behind the counter and said, "Can I get a drink?"  
	The man smiled at him. "Sure, baby… Anything you want."
	Justin blinked, a little taken back. "I, uh... Coke?"
	The man nodded. "One sec." He smirked and grabbed a glass and moved down the bar towards the drinks. "And you?" the man asked JC. 
	"Same," JC replied.
	Justin surveyed the room as he heard the clink of ice going into the glasses. A moment later when he turned back around the man was handing him his glass with a wink. 
	They stepped away once JC got his drink.
	Justin took a sip as they walked towards an empty wall and hesitated. "Does yours―"
	"Yeah, it's rum."  
	"It's..." Justin took another sip and grimaced. "Strong." 
	"Here..." JC held out his hand and Justin gave his glass to him. JC took a small sip and then kind of laughed as he handed it back. "Yeah, yours is more rum than coke." 
	"Oh."
	"You want mine? It's not as strong."
	"It's okay."
	"You sure?"
	Justin sipped it again. "Yeah." He couldn't remember really if he'd had rum before. "Should I drink it?"
	"Why not.... We all need a drink to survive this." 
	Justin wanted to ask how much rum you needed to feel drunk, but decided not to. He figured it was a stupid question and that the answer was definitely more than what was in the glass, no matter how strong it tasted. So instead he skipped to the other thing on his mind. "He called me baby."
	"I know."
	"And then he winked. Did you see that?"
	"Yup."
	Justin was silent and JC set his jaw. That was the stuff he had wanted to talk to Justin about. 
	Justin paused. "So when you order coke at a bar, they give you rum in it?"
	"Not usually."
	"Oh." Justin paused. 
	"Just don't drink too many of those. Last thing we need is you drunk."
	"This won't make me drunk."
	"Knowing you, it probably will."
	"No way, you asshold," Justin objected. He took another sip. "I just asked for coke, you know."
	"I know." JC did not want to believe that Justin was still this naive. Please, don't let him be this naive. 
	"Why'd he…. Never mind…"
	"What?" JC asked.
	"Nothing."
	JC paused and looked around the room again. "Want to walk?" He glanced at his watch. "I think we have to move into the other room in like fifteen minutes. Want to go down the hall or something? I need to get away from this." 
	"Okay." Justin took another sip from his drink. "You know it was strong at first, but... I kinda like this."
	JC didn't talk until they left that main room and were out in the lobby and hallway. They walked slowly. There were some other people out there but it was noticeably quieter. 
	"So.... You know... You can ask me what you want to ask me," JC said as he watched Justin use his finger to mix his drink. "I'll be honest." 
	"I don't know..." Justin shrugged. "You know, I hate being called baby. I'm not a baby."
	"He didn't mean it that way," JC answered. 
	"Well, then what… Oh." Justin's brow furrowed. He took another drink. "Oh."
	"Yeah." JC knew Justin wasn't that dense. He knew enough. He knew damn well. He just refused to think about it until it was in his face. And that was not the right way to deal with it.
	"Oh." 
	"Wanna talk about it?" JC began. "I think― Well, in case you haven't noticed… There's a lot of people looking at us―you―that way tonight." 
	"Mm. Whatever." 
	"Because we're the five best looking guys here," JC said with a sarcastic tone. Justin didn't laugh. "Well, you know what I was going to say... We've talked about that. A long time ago."
	"Yeah." Justin flushed a little bit, staring into his drink. "Let's not talk about it now." 
	"Well, I want to, so that I feel better. Lou's showing you off to a lot of people and… you're kind of by yourself for some of these times… It's getting to be a lot."
	"Well, it happens I guess…" Justin began. 
	"I just…" JC paused. 
	He waited for Justin to tell him not to be his mother. But he didn't.
	"Just what?" Justin asked.
	"Justin, don't get too far from me or Joey or one of the guys, that's all… No, not that… It's… You know if people ask you stuff, that you have every right to walk away." 
	"Ask me stuff? Ask me like…" Justin stopped. "Are we talking about what I think we're talking about?"
	"Just, if someone wants something from you, you never have to give it. Even if they say that they can hurt the group. That's okay. We don't need the group if it comes to that."
	"What would they want?"
	JC felt himself get frustrated. At Justin's eyes. At his lamblike eyes and oblivious childish expression. "Justin, you're not that innocent. Stop it and look at me. You know what I'm talking about, okay?"
	"But I don't get why you're… Why they would…" Justin persisted. 
	"Think about it. Look at you, Justin. Look at us… It's just… Some people around here could be a little twisted, that's all…"
	"Twisted…" As Justin answered, JC became a little sorry. "What will they do?"
	"Well… I didn't mean they'll do anything."
	"Okay.. But you said…''
	"Nothing, J. They won't do anything and I don't know why I'm saying this to you," JC answered quickly. "I'm sorry… I just wanted to tell you to stick by me, that's all."
	"I am. I did. I can't help it when Lou does that. He does that. I hate it. I hate being with him, JC. Why don't stop telling me, and how about you stay with me?"
	"I was. I was watching you, it's okay," JC answered. "I'm just saying. You know we all have to stick together. And you were. It's all good."
	"Lou says that when they want you then you can control them," Justin began. "He says that if you look at them a certain way then it's perfect and we can make it. Just through that. Just through the image."
	JC took a sip of the rum and coke, ice hitting his teeth. "You want them to want you?"
	"In a way. Not… I mean, aren't they supposed to want you?"
	"I'm just saying that there's always that one. Like…" JC tried to think of an example. "There's always a bad guy. Well, not always. Well, yes, but not necessarily here, you understand? But they could be here. And…"
	"Okay." Justin nodded.
	"I just want you to stand up for yourself, that's all, Justin. Do you know what I’m talking about?"
	"Yeah. I… Yeah…"
	"I know you do. I'm not trying to tell you anything new, you know it," JC answered with a nod. "You're smart. You've seen it all. But you know, sometimes it's good just as a reminder."
	"I know."
	"Yeah. It'll… It's just you shouldn't ever let anyone use you. Don't let them use you. In any way. Even if it's just for your smile. Don't let them take anything from you."
	"That's what Chris says."
	JC frowned. "When?"
	"Never let anyone take anything or see you vulnerable, he says. He says then they control you. Kind of what Lou says. Lou says you have to own them."
	JC took a deep breath and nodded. "Kind of. Do you listen to Lou?"
	"I missed some of it. I listened to part of it," Justin admitted. "Johnny explains better. Lou's… I don't know."
	JC nodded. Don't listen to them, he wanted to say.  "We should turn back and start back inside before they wonder where we are, Justin."
	"I won't trust anybody," Justin answered. "Only you and the guys."
	"You can trust, Justin. Just don't give your trust away. There's a difference," JC answered. "I just wanted to talk before it was too…" JC stopped before saying too late. "Before you had to wonder about it."
	Justin smiled. "Thanks, C… You're always honest to me…"  
	"Of course I'm honest to you," JC replied. "Whatta you expect?"
	They went back inside and found the other guys. It was just about time to go in for the awards session. The rest of the night went well. They got the RSH-Gold award for their single. 
*****
	JC washed his hands in the bathroom at the hotel while Joey was brushing his teeth. He had explained in soft tones what conversation he'd had earlier. He had to get the opinion of somebody and once again it fell to Joey. JC said, "I feel like an asshole."
	"You shouldn’t," Joey replied. He gave JC a look. "In fact, you probably should have talked to him about it a long time ago." 
	"Well, we've talked about it. Before." JC frowned. "Kind of. You know? Just never in detail." 
	"Well, I'm sure he knows the details."
	"Yeah." JC frowned. "Unfortunately."
	"A fact of life."
	"Pretty much, yeah. And Lance knows all this too?"
	"Yeah. He's smart. He's observant."
	JC nodded. "I just… They're young, and...."
	Joey nodded and spit out a mouthful of toothpaste foam. "Whatever, JC. They're fine." 
	JC paused and looked at Joey critically as Joey continued brushing his teeth. "You don't think… anyone's tried anything, right?"
	"Wouldn't he tell you?"
	"Took him forever to tell me about that make-up guy."
	"He told you pretty quickly actually," Joey objected. He leaned over the sink to spit again, holding the blue toothbrush in his hand. "Just not right away."
	JC nodded. "Yeah…"
	Joey studied him in the mirror. "JC, you're not his father. It's not your responsibility."
	"He is my responsibility," JC answered stiffly. The TV was on outsider the bedroom so he didn't worry too much about being overheard. But it was true. Somehow Mickey Mouse had cemented the fact. "How can I just let something happen without making sure he knows better? No one else is going to damn well tell him."
	"He does know better. Justin's the oldest sixteen year old I know," Joey persisted. "I really don't think you have to worry about it."
	"Sometimes it doesn't matter." JC shook his head. "Joey, do you see the way some of those people look at him? The way Lou fucking parades him around?"
	"Stop watching him, JC." Joey took a drink of water and swished it around in his mouth. "Give him space."
	"But..." 
	Joey spat quickly again and started, "Why are you watching him like that? He hangs all over you and nothing's going to happen in a full room of people anyway, if that's what you're worried about. Why are you watching him?"
	"Because. I owe him that."
	"Nothing's going to happen."
	"I'm just a little worried about this persona he's getting." 
	"What persona?" Joey put the toothbrush down and turned to lean against the sink counter. He crossed his arms across his chest. "Persona? He's the cute one?" 
	"I don't know. They're making him into something." 
	"JC. He's untouchable. He's not that eleven year old that a stranger could take by the hand and lead away. I don't even think you could have done that when he was eleven, not with that kid." 
	JC shrugged. Joey was right. "I  know, man." JC sighed. "We're getting bigger. I'm starting to realize that it's not just twelve year old girls that like pop stars."
	Joey frowned. "JC, come on. You're going to go to bed tonight thinking about that?"
	"But if Lou's trying to sell him as an underage, skin-bearing, willing star, people are going to think he's really like that."
	"And getting to him would be a pipe dream."
	"Not if they're in the business." 
	"JC, if this is going to be a concern, it's not a concern yet, okay?"
	"But I want to prepare all of us for it before it is." 
	"Ready for bed, JC?" 
	JC sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah. Sorry. Joe, it's just like… I've seen stuff… When I was in LA, I saw stuff… And I just don't want…"
	"I know." Joey reached forward and patted JC's arm. "It's fine though, C. Get ready for bed. They're going to wonder what we're doing in here." 
	JC smirked.
	They pushed the door open and walked out.  
	Justin was sitting on their bed's comforter when they came out. He knelt up on his knees when he saw them and exclaimed, "About time! Other people need to brush their teeth you know!"
	"We were gossiping," Joey answered.
	"You're such girls," Justin replied as he hopped off the bed.
	"You could've come in," JC answered. "The door wasn't locked."
	"Well, I don't know if three people would fit in this closet," Justin retorted as he walked past them, ducking his head as Joey's hand came to take a playful swing at him. "There's a certain point it becomes claustrophobic." 
	The door clicked shut behind him.
*******
	"Justin."
	It was early morning and Justin was sprawled on the bed on his stomach, reading and writing in book filled with formulas and terms he didn't know very well, but was supposed to. It seemed nearly every free moment they had, Lance or he was studying, especially if Chuck had anything to say about it. Sucked majorly. 
	Justin couldn't concentrate with the guys and so he was in his parents' hotel room. They had gone out to eat. He had been alone until JC had come through the door a couple seconds ago.
	"JC, don't say a word for a minute, I'm trying to make my brain grow," Justin replied. He shifted. His elbows hurt from his propping himself up on them for the past half hour as he read. His neck hurt too.
	"Is it working?"
	"No. Go away."
	"I just wanted to tell you that we're going to go to lunch soon…" JC began, moving towards the bed. "So you can take a break."
	"Oh."
	"And it's raining."
	"I'll dress warm. Remind me."
	"How's it going with the books?" JC asked. He sat down at the edge of the bed.
	Justin sighed and let his elbows rest, putting his head down into the bed, lying flat. He said nothing for a minute, and then when JC poked him simply replied, "It's okay."
	"Yeah?"
	"Lance has got so much less to do; it's not fair," Justin said into the mattress, face pressed against the scratchy comforter. JC's fingers rubbed at his back. 
	"Lance might graduate at the end of the month." 
	"I know. When we go back home. Chuck told me." 
	"He's nearly eighteen. That's about right. So you're younger, of course you've got more to do."
	"I'm stupider too." 
	"I know you didn't just say that." 
	"I can never concentrate. I can't even read. So I must be stupid. Maybe Mom dropped me on the head as a baby. Like, down the stairs."
	JC resisted laughing. "Whatever. You've done well with school."
	"Yeah? I reached what fucking grade, JC?" 
	"Oh, shut up." JC punched him in the back. "You're looking for my pity…" JC replied in a teasing voice. "You ain't gonna get it…"
	"Fine, then." 
	JC looked at the textbook and notebook. "What's this, math?"
	"In the book, yes. On my paper is random numbers and symbols and even some artistic interpretations of what I think about math." Justin reached over and closed the notebook. 
	JC laughed and looked at the text more critically. "Justin, that's algebra. That's easy…"
	Justin's brow furrowed. "Don’t you tell me what's easy and what's not when you don't have to do it."
	"I did have to do it. And it only gets harder from algebra…"
	"Don't tell me that either!" Justin insisted. 
	"Are you hungry?" 
	Justin rolled his eyes and sighed, his chest lifting up and then back down theatrically. 
	"Is that a yes?" JC replied.
	Justin sighed again. 
	"I'm guessing that's a yes? We were gonna get burgers and stuff. But not McDonald's burgers. Real burgers. As American as we can find around here. Well, McDonald's is American, but you know..."  
	"Boogers and flies?"
	JC laughed. "Yeah. You game?"
	"If you do this for me." Justin started to sit up. As he saw JC open his mouth with a frown on his face, he objected, "But you interrupted me and I was on my way to an algebraic breakthrough, JC…" 
	"I didn't interrupt. You were not having a breakthrough when I came in." 
	"Yes, you did interrupt. I'm in here so I can concentrate. No one's supposed to come in." 
	"You're a liar," JC answered. He slid off the bed and started for the door. "Come on. The guys are waiting." 
	Justin shut the books and started after him. "Do you think Lance'd do it for me?"
	"Don't even try." 
	Justin smirked and caught up with him in the hall.  
*****
	Justin had his first encounter with a real fanatic that day at lunch. They ate at a place that served burgers, just how JC had promised, and it also had free refills. After three sodas, Justin felt he had to go to the bathroom and left the table to find it. They were seated at a booth relatively in the front of the restaurant and Justin figured that most bathrooms were always in the back of places.
	So he left the table and started to the back of the restaurant. There was a hallway that had a sign above it with an arrow and he guessed that the word written on it meant bathrooms. It looked kind of familiar.
	His guess was right and he saw two doors at the end of the hallway. One with the familiar indication of a girl and the other a boy. 
	She was coming out when he was just a couple feet from the men's door. He looked at her and smiled out of instinct. She looked kind of nice and almost his age too so he figured he'd be nice and smile.
	She made eye contact with him with big brown eyes and smiled back. Justin continued for the door and didn’t expect what happened next.
	She grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the door.
	Then she screamed in his face.
	"What?" he started in surprise, pulling away. 
	Her hand remained on his arm, long nails digging into his skin. She looked at him earnestly with eyes growing wider by the second. "Justin?" she asked. "Justin?"
	"What― Yes…" He acknowledged and then saw her face light up and she gave a little scream again. "What are you― "
	"Justin! *NSYNC!" she exclaimed. She shook at his arm, seeming at a loss for words.
	He gave a nervous laugh and tried to get his arm away again. He knew she was a fan but that look in her eyes was a little bit scary and he wasn't sure what to do about it. Especially if she wouldn't let go. He hated when people grabbed him. "Do you want an autograph or something?" he asked. But he didn't have a pen… Or paper. And he really had to pee…
	"Oh!" Her eyes were wide, face flushed, and she just looked so excited. "Wow!" Her nails dug deeper into his arm, a death grip. 
	"Uh, what's your name?" he asked, voice shaking a little bit. It was almost a habit answer, but this wasn't a meet-n-greet. Was she going to let go? He wanted to call for one of the guys to get her away. But maybe she'd freak out more if she saw two of them. "Your name?"
	She blinked at him. "Oh. Monica. Monica." She grinned. "My name is Monica." 
	"Hi, Monica… I― I'm glad you're a, um, f-fan…" He got his arm free and nodded at her with another smile. He pushed the door to the bathroom open and slipped inside. She followed him right in, with those wide eyes and that awed look. She kept saying, "Justin!" She repeated it with a frenzied look in her eye. "I love you." 
	"I'd give you an autograph," he started, completely freaked out that they were both in the men's room. "I don’t… I don't have a pen…" He made a writing gesture. There didn't seem to be anyone else in the bathroom. He looked over at a urinal desperately. 
	She was digging through her purse. A moment later she produced a pen and a receipt. He took it from her and quickly scribbled his name. He gave both the pen and the paper back to her. 
	Would she leave now?
	She started talking to him in German which he he didn't understand. He was seemingly saved a moment later when a man came through the door and stopped short at seeing a girl in the men's room.
	He said something gruffly to her in German in a loud voice.
	She seemed to snap out of her state of awe. She said something back lightly and then ran out the door.
	The man, a forty something year old guy with a short beard, gave Justin a look, like 'what the hell were you doing?'. Then he walked over to a urinal.
	Justin left the bathroom without even going.
	He rushed back to his table and found the guys. He hadn't seen the girl on the way. 
	"I want to leave," he said hurriedly as he stood in front of the table. 
	Joey took a bite of his burger. "We're not done yet." 
	"Finish eating," Chris persisted. "Did you find the bathroom?"
	"I didn't go," Justin answered. He still had to pee. Really bad. He felt like jumping up and down. "I want to go somewhere else."
	"Why can't you pee here?" Lance asked.
	"What happened to your arm… It's all red." JC reached, sitting at chair close to him, and turned Justin's wrist to see. 
	Justin looked at where the girl's nails had latched onto his arm. It was red and scratched like he'd encountered a wild animal.
	"There was this girl," Justin started, still a little nervous. What if she saw all of them and then really freaked out? At least he could hide behind one of them. "And she knew who I was. And she kept saying my name and she wouldn't let go and I need to leave. She even went into the bathroom."
	"In the bathroom?" Chris laughed.
	Justin wouldn't sit down. "Come on, let's go... If she sees all of us ―" 
	"I bet she's gone now," Lance answered. "That's cool she knew your name." 
	"Then it's fine, J, sit." JC gestured him in. "Just finish eating."
	Justin scrutinized his arm. "I think I'm bleeding." He looked up at them and they seemed nonchalant. Just wait if they saw her too, then they would understand. "Why can't we get back now?" Justin hissed. "She's… She's going to see all of us and I swear. I swear she'll go psycho. She wouldn't let go of me! She followed me into the bathroom. If she sees all five?"
	"She must be a big fan," Chris mused. "That's cool that she recognized you, isn't it? And knew your name?"
	"Not really. It would have been, but..." Justin shook his head. "She had this look in her eyes. And here. Look!" He put his arm forward for them to see.
	"No one cares about a scratch…" Lance objected.  
	"She followed me into the bathroom. The boy's bathroom…"
	"She's just a girl," Joey said. He chewed on a couple french fries. "Just, you could take a girl, easy. So she's got nails."
	"She's psycho."
	"So, you're a boy. You can take her."
	"No. No, you didn't see the look in her eyes." Justin's eyes scanned the restaurant.
	"Hey, sit," JC answered, tugging his shirt. "She'll get you first if you're standing there." 
	"It's so not funny," Justin answered. He moved around his chair to sit regardless. JC was right. At least he had some sort of barrier from the girl if she did spot them. 
******
	"You can stop talking about it now," Chris said, staring out at the water of Kiel Bay. He dug his hands deep into his jacket pocket as the wind picked up a little bit.
	Justin had been sitting there on the wall of the boardwalk they were sitting on, his back to the water, jabbering on about the psycho fan. He hadn't shut up. He'd been treating the scratches on his arm like battle scars. 
	Justin ignored his request, and reemphasized the fact the girl had gone into the bathroom with him.
	"Justin," JC said, a little more gently. He leaned forward with his elbows resting on the wall. "Sh, we've heard about it." 
	"But it was so scary," Justin persisted. He kicked his legs back into the wall again and again. 
	"It was a girl," Joey replied. "Are you scared of girls?"
	"That one, yeah."
	"Pussy..." 
	"Well, how about just you thinking about it?" Chris persisted. "And let us think about something else."
	"She had this look in her eyes…" Justin said. "That's all. I keep thinking about it." 
	"Joey," Chris started. "Push him in the bay, will you."
	Justin laughed as Joey came towards him and jokingly grabbed him. He pushed him back. "You're the hitman?"
	"Apparently," Joey answered with a smirk. He patted Justin's arm. "Seriously, though. I think you've told us ten times since it happened." He slid up to sit beside him on the wall. 
	"Because you weren't there," Justin answered.
	"I bet I could tell the story with just as much detail as you now," Lance replied with a laugh.
	Justin's expression hardened a little bit. "Fine. None of ya'll have ever been attacked by a fan so you can just shove it."
	"I wouldn't go on about it," Chris persisted. "I get worse scratches than that from just playing around with my little sisters."
	Justin said nothing. He considered leaning backward and falling down into the bay. Then they would feel bad. But then he thought about his body flying down there and he just laughed. He turned his head to look at the water and laughed.
	"What's so funny?" Joey asked. 
	Justin shook his head. "Nothing." He wondered if any of them would jump after him. JC might. He tried to get the smirk off his face.
	"We're in the Netherlands tomorrow," JC said. "And Tuesday."
	"Near Amsterdam," Justin spoke up.
	JC smiled. "Someone actually knows where we're going."
	"He remembers all that crap," Chris began. "Remember we were looking at the maps way back when? He remembers all the places." 
	"See how smart you are?" JC answered. "Justin?"
	"I don't remember any of that," Joey started. "I can't remember anything. I barely remember what I ate this morning." He laughed. 
	"All you've got to remember is lyrics and choreography," Lance answered. 
	"Very true. So far so good."
	"Well, you remembered that we'll be near Amsterdam," JC said.
	"Only because that's where all the pot is," Justin replied.
	JC just rolled his eyes. 
******
	"It's really funny." 
	"What is?" JC asked, frowning at Justin's secretive laugh as he dragged him somewhere. They were in a big store at a shopping center that they found. They were wandering around without much in terms of plans, which usually left Chris and Justin up to no good.  
	Justin pulled JC over to Chris, giggling.
	JC's eyes were wide when he realized where they were going. "Why are we in the lingerie section?"
	"Watch," Justin persisted, laughing. Chris was looking through a rack of bras that appeared to be triple D's. Bright purple and pink and leopard and…
	"Guys," JC began, feeling embarrassed. There was a lady about ten feet from them― What if she looked over? They obviously had no business there, not with Justin giggling like a five year old. 
	"Told you not to get him if he was gonna be a prude about it," Chris began, giving Justin a look. "And quick laughing." 
	"No, he's not a prude," Justin answered, tugging JC's sleeve. "Be good, JC."
	"Me be good?" JC looked at him incredulously. "What are you two up to?" 
	"Cross-dressing," Chris said. "Transsexuals and transvestites. More the latter, I suppose. I'm corrupting Justin and you're going to help. He is your boy, after all."
	Justin giggled uncontrollably, burying his face into JC's shoulder as he tried to calm himself.
	JC frowned. They got a kick out of doing weird things. He really wouldn't be surprised, but he couldn't believe it anyway. "No, what are you doing?" 
	"I'm serious, JC. Pick out a bra."
	"No, thank you."
	"JC, it's funny," Justin persisted. "Do it."
	JC was speechless. 
	Chris picked a large leopard print bra with little pom-pom type things coming off the sides. "Perfect." He carried it indiscreetly. "Follow."
	"Watch, it's funny," Justin continued.
	JC followed the two uncertainly. He went with them and noticed they were heading for the check-out line. He was totally clueless but Justin prodded him along. 
	"Wait here and watch," Justin said, taking JC's arm and stopping. Chris continued, walking towards a middle aged man who was on line with a shopping cart. The man was turned away from it, looking through magazines. He was second in the line.
	Chris walked up and without the man noticing dropped the bra into the cart. 
	"Oh no…" JC's eyes widened. He smirked but was shocked at the same time. 
	Chris returned to them quickly. It only took a minute until it was the man's turn up at the register. He started to take things out of his cart and put them on the counter for purchase. The cashier watched patiently.
	The bra was lifted out.
	Chris and Justin exploded into laughter. JC couldn't help but smirk at the surprised and embarrassed look on the man's face and the astonished one on the cashier's. The man started to speak to her, holding up the bra, face bright red, as if explaining.
	"That is awful!" JC exclaimed, although he chuckled.
	Justin tugged Chris's arm. "Let's do it again. Come on."
	Chris laughed. "If you want."
	"Guys," JC began. "That is so bad. Can you imagine how he feels?"
	"We did it a million times," Justin answered. "We did it with all sorts of stuff too." 
	JC was a bit surprised as Justin began to address accounts of the same act using items other than bras and lingerie, including hemorrhoid medication, adult diapers, condoms, lubricant, and the like.
	"Guys!" JC exclaimed. But he laughed. "Oh my God." 
	"They always have the same expression on their faces," Chris said as he patted Justin on the back proudly. "Justin and I make a great team, don't you think, JC?"
	JC raised his eyebrows. "Um. Yeah..."
	"Perfectly innocent fun with the unexpecting Germans," Chris replied with a smile. "No one gets hurt, and it's all in jest. Huh, Just?"  
	Justin grinned. "Yup." 
	JC shook his head.
	"You didn't believe the transvestite thing, did you?" Chris began.
	"Hell, no," JC answered. "Although I wouldn't have been surprised."
	Chris laughed. "Oh come on." He elbowed Justin. "Doesn't look like we have a trio going for our game, kid."
	"Joey'd go for it." Justin looked thoughtful.
	"How often do you two do this?" JC wanted to know.
	"When we're bored in stores," Justin answered. "Isn't it funny?" 
	JC raised an eyebrow. "Well, yeah, it's funny. But doesn't it get old?" 
	"Think of what worse he could be doing…" Chris slung an arm around Justin's shoulders. "JC, I am keeping this kid off the streets. Out of the alleys of drug lords and gangs and―"
	"Hey, I wanna be in a gang," Justin objected. 
	"No," Chris laughed. "You wouldn't… You couldn't."
	"Why not?"
	"You couldn't handle it. Trust me. Besides, Justin, we're trying to convince JC of the worse things you could be doing. JC, he could be doing crack. The boy could be completely high right now."
	JC sighed. "Please."
	"I wanna try that too," Justin began. He met JC's eye. JC was giving him one of those well-known looks, and he started laughing. "You… So gullible."
	"You don't wanna know what we'd do to you if you ever tried anything," JC began. "What your mom would do to you."
	"Oh, she would never know."
	"Everyone would know. I would know in one second."
	Chris shook his head. "Justin isn't at that level yet. We're building up. Right now we're at petty theft. Or causing others petty theft. You know, there was this one time. This lady didn't notice what we dropped in there. She bought it." 
	JC looked at him with a frown. "Chris…"
	"I know. It's bad. That's why now we only do things that are totally obvious. Like I don’t think that man would buy a Pamela Anderson sized leopard bra by mistake. They're going to notice."
	"Do some girls really… Wear those?" Justin asked. 
	"What, bras?" Chris laughed.
	"No. That big."
	"Yeah." Chris nodded. "Not your average Jane though. But some girls…"
	"That's…" Justin made a face. He didn't look impressed. "Is that healthy?"
	"Let's not discuss breasts, please," JC began. "I feel like I'm with Joey."
	"Joey?" Justin asked. 
	"Yeah, why don't you ask Joey about girls with big racks," Chris suggested. "He'll educate you."
	"I don't want to know," Justin replied. He made another face. "I'm glad boys don't have those."
	JC began to laugh. "Justin…" 
	"What? I am glad. They'd… get in the way."
	"Well, I'm glad too," Chris replied seriously. "I wouldn't give up my dick for a rack anyway."
	Justin began to laugh again.
	"Chris…" JC gave him a look. "Please." 
	"What? As we're on the topic of… appendages…" 
	Justin cracked up louder. He covered his face with his hands.
	"Justin, really," Chris persisted. "I think it's a good deal. Don’t you agree?" 
	Justin looked at JC's face and giggled, burying his face into his shoulder again. "JC…"
	"What?" JC replied. "You guys are really embarrassing. And you, laughing at everything. You're so immature." 
	"JC, why is it embarrassing?" Chris replied. "Are you embarrassed of your anatomy?"
	"Talking about it in the middle of a shopping center," JC hissed.
	"Would you prefer we go back to the hotel so we can all whip it out and discuss?" Chris answered innocently, giving JC an innocuous look. He was enjoying the fact that JC was blushing and actually getting uncomfortable. Plus Justin was cracking up like it was the funniest thing in the world and that was pretty amusing too.   
	"I'd prefer you shut up," JC answered.
	"JC, I could scream penis here and no one would care," Chris answered with a smile. "How many of these people speak English? And if they do… What words do they know?" 
	"Well, let's not scream it." JC looked at Justin, whose face was bright red from laughing. "Justin, come on… Grow up, alright?" 
	"It's funny!" Justin exclaimed, giddy.
	"JC can't talk about sex…" Chris teased.
	"Chris," JC warned, giving him a look. 
	"Okay, fine." Chris huffed and gave in. He decided not to push any further. "Prude." 
	"It's so immature," JC persisted.
	"Well, look who you're talking to. The baby and… Well, me." Chris laughed. "What do you expect? Do you at least think our game is funny?"
	"It's amusing," JC admitted.
	"It's universal. You can play it in any country."
	"Ever been caught?"
	"Never. That's rule number one." 
	"Ah."
	"Rule number two is to make sure it's obvious enough not to buy, like we said before. Not to buy by mistake."
	JC nodded. "Impressive ethical values, guys." 
	Chris smirked. "See, JC, sometimes you just gotta take the stick out of your ass and lighten up a bit."
	JC rolled his eyes. "I'm lightened up enough, thank you."
	"But you've always gotta take care of everything."
	"Look whose talking," JC replied knowingly. "When it comes to the group, you get far more serious than me, Kirkpatrick."	
	Chris shrugged. "I relax when it counts." 
	"Speaking of which I wanted to talk to you," JC started slowly.
	"Oh…?" Chris raised an eyebrow questioningly.
	"How about me?" Justin asked. "You wanna talk to me? Don't leave me out."
	"Justin, when don't I talk to you?" JC answered sarcastically. 
	"Right now-You were talking to Chris." Justin smirked. "Okay, never mind."
	"We'll talk later," Chris said to JC. "Not now?"
	"Yeah." JC nodded.
	Justin eyed them suspiciously but knew it was for his own good not to question or press. So he pointed towards the lingerie section. "Again?"
	"You're up, baby," Chris replied with a grin.
******* 
	"Justin and Lance are coming with me, okay?" 
	JC looked up from his sprawled position on the bed. He broke his gaze from his magazine and looked at Joey. "Huh?"
	"I'm bringing Justin and Lance with me."
	JC looked over to the clock. It was ten-thirty. He had thought they were all staying in that night. "I… Where are you going?" He looked around. Justin was sitting on the floor tying his shoes while in the middle of a card game with Lance and Chris.
	"Mars."
	"And you didn't invite me?"
	"I didn't think you liked outer space."
	"But I do." JC tilted his head, and persisted, "Seriously, where?" 
	"To a club," Joey began. "But a nice one."
	"You're bringing both of them?"
	"Yeah."
	"Is Chris or Steve going?"
	"Steve's not. He's tired. Chris I don't know. He seemed a little tired too. And you didn't seem like you wanted to go anywhere today… You've been yawning the whole afternoon. So…"
	"Did you ask Justin's mom?"
	"No," Joey replied with a smirk. "I'm way cooler than that. I'm asking you." 
	"Why me?"
	"Because I thought… Hey, would you want to go too?" Joey persisted. "I thought you were cooler too."
	"What―"
	"Justin's been begging me for the past hour. It worked." Joey shrugged. "If you come you can help make sure they're out of trouble. If it's just me I might feel guilty..." 
	"Guilty? Why, what do you think's going to happen?"
	"I don't know. He attracts drama sometimes." 
	"I can't believe you let him talk you into it." 
	"What about you? Are you coming?"
	"I don't know. I'm tired..."
	Joey nodded. "I know. But come on. I think we need to get out and have some fun. And we need to show them a good time too. Some stress relief."
	"We'd have to go to a…" JC started slowly. "Like, not some of those ones we've been too…" 
	"JC, I swear to you," Joey replied, "we will go to the most vanilla club in the books. No nothing, man. One where they'll have no problem letting in a sixteen year old. And he won't see anything to scar him."
	"And you'll still have fun?" JC eyed Joey carefully. 
	"It's fine," Joey said. "I don't want him to have to hang with his mom every night."
*******
	They all decided to go out.
	Justin was excited. For once, when the guys were getting ready to go out, he could get ready too. He was going with them. This would be so cool. He finally felt like he was on their level age-wise and for once they weren't babying him. 
	He continued to feel pretty good about it all until they got in the cab to go. They took two cabs so that they could breathe a little and headed towards a place that Chris had heard of from someone their age at an interview. Chris and Lance went in one cab while Justin went with Joey and JC in the other. 
	He was squeezed between JC and Joey in the back seat. No one ever wanted to sit in the front. The cab smelled and he felt cramped between his friends, but he still wasn't going to let it ruin his mood until he had just clicked on his seatbelt and the two men turned on him. He wasn't expecting it.
	"So, let's talk," Joey began. "And get some key rules out of the way before we get there."
	"Rules?" Justin echoed.
	"Yes. We have rules," JC said.
	"You break them, and we leave," Joey added. "Very simple but very important." 
	"Oh, whatever..." Justin rolled his eyes. He looked outside as they drove and then reached over Joey, saying, "Can we open this window?" 
	"Are you listening?" JC persisted.
	As Joey rolled down the window, he added, "We're actually serious." 
	Justin blinked and looked at them like they were crazy. He really thought they were for a moment they were. "Double-team much? Chill…"
	"Are you going to listen?"
	"Fine. Yes. What are these rules that you're creating?"
	"One, you can't drink a lot," Joey started. "You can drink, but let's be real here."
	"Joey..." Justin began, making a face. "Be real."
	"I am. No one wants to carry you home. And," Joey persisted, "you're not even legal to drink at home anyway, so I doubt your mom would wanna hear about you being drunk."
	"She doesn't care. I'm not going to get drunk anyway. And if I'm with you guys, then she knows it's fine."
	"Well, you're going to take it easy anyway. And along those lines, also just remember never to put your drink down. I'm sure you've heard that a million times before."
	"Why?"
	"Or you've never heard it..." Joey chuckled.
	"He doesn't go to bars obviously," JC replied. "He's sixteen." 
	"Just keep track of your drink, that's all," Joey explained to Justin. "Some people like to mess around with drinks so you've just got to keep your eyes open." 
	Justin shrugged. "Got it." 
	"Right. Okay." Joey nodded. "Let's see, drinking, check. Number two…" He looked at JC. "What else is there."
	"Well, stick by us. If you can't see one of us," JC began, "then you're somewhere you shouldn't be. Try to stay within sight of us. Don't leave the club, alright?"
	"I'd never do that," Justin objected. "What am I? A complete imbecile?"
	"Just tell me you understand."
	"I do."
	"Don't disappear. It's annoying," Joey answered. "Chris disappeared on me once and I wasted such a long time searching for him. Meanwhile he was just standing outside the place talking to somebody."
	"You don't need to babysit me," Justin replied. "Is this place big?"
	"I don't know. We haven't been there."
	Justin paused, thinking about it. He knew they were just trying to look out for him with these rules, but it was still always annoying to be treated like he was so naïve. "Did Lance get this speech?"
	"Verbatim," Joey answered with a laugh.
	Justin didn’t know what that meant but he figured it meant yes in some way. He hated them thinking he was stupid or something, because most of this was simple common sense. He wasn't five years old. He was sixteen and he knew a thing or two. They didn't have to pretend he was stupid.
	"What's the third… Did we have a third?" JC asked.
	"Just be smart," Joey persisted. "You know? Use your head and don't do something stupid." 
	Justin scowled. "I don’t think Lance got this lecture. You know, I'm not stupid guys. I think I can handle being at a club."
	"We know. And he did get this speech."
	"I doubt it..." 
	"Justin, you're the baby," JC answered softly. "Deal with it." 
	"JC, I'm not―"
	"Well, you're the youngest," Joey interrupted. "So get over it. But I've had this conversation with Lance too." 
	Justin hated being sixteen. He wished someone in the group was younger than he was.
******
	After all the effort to try to have the night the least eventful as possible, it was known that something was bound to go wrong. 
	It was about an hour into the night when Chris noticed something was wrong with Justin. 
	Each of the guys had been keeping an eye on each other. It was customary to do so. But more often the eye was on Justin. Justin was always apt to get himself into something, however small, and so there was obvious justification for watching the youngest a little more. 
	At this point, Chris had noticed that JC was talking with some guy, rather in depth it appeared, a few feet from the bar. Lance and Joey were with a few girls, half dancing, half talking, it seemed. And as Chris's eyes scanned the room for Justin, he didn't see him right away and had to walk a bit. 
	The last time he'd seen Justin was about fifteen minutes earlier. He didn't think much could happen in that short amount of time, but he also knew it was silly to underestimate any of their ability to find trouble in even one minute.  
	Finally, after getting a new beer, he saw Justin at last. He was leaning against a wall of the club, his head tilted back, a different look on his face th. There was a girl leaning up to him, and another on his left. There were a few guys near as well. The girl was smiling as if she had just done or said something great. She looked pretty proud of herself and Chris wondered why.
	It looked harmless. The girl didn't look close enough to really even touch him, and it sort of looked like a group conversation. But there was something about that tilt of Justin's head, and the curve of his lips, and that look in his eye that Chris didn't necessarily recognize. Something seemed different... Maybe even wrong...
	As Chris walked towards them, taking a sip of his beer, he began to pick up a distinctive odor. He smelled various things, none of them  thrilled him, especially when they got stronger closer to where the small group was gathered. He started to just internally sigh, wondering how stupid Justin might have decided to be.
	"Justin," he said as he was close enough for Justin to maybe hear him. "Hey, I've been looking for you." 
	Justin didn’t look at him. One of the girls turned to him however. It was at that moment he clearly recognized the glazed look in her eye. It immediately took him back to a few memories of his own.
	"Hey…" she greeted. Then she said something in German that he didn't understand.
	When he didn't reply, merely eyed her with a bit of a frown, she turned to one of her friends and said something else. He laughed and replied in German as well.
	They seemed too out of it to pose a real threat and Chris moved forward and took Justin's arm. 
	"Did you hear me, J?" he asked, squeezing his arm.
	Justin pulled back from him and grunted in objection. "What… Hey…"
	"Yeah, hey," Chris replied, hearing the tone of Justin's voice and getting annoyed. "I've been looking all over this place for you. Are you... Justin," he repeated his name when Justin's eyes trailed away to another part of the room. "Are you drunk?"
	Justin's eyes had the same look as the girl. When he didn't answer the question, Chris wondered if it was because Justin didn't want to admit the answer or whether he really wasn't paying attention. He yanked Justin towards him and frowned as Justin giggled and nearly fell into him.
	"Ow..." Justin pulled his arm away from Chris and smoothed down his shirt. "Christopher… Thomas.... Kirk...patrick…" he said with a laugh. He leaned into him heavily. "What's up?"
	"My middle name is not Thomas. Look at you... Ready to go?" Chris began. "Come on." He walked away from the reeking corner of the club and Justin followed him. "Let's go. Only you would walk right into that. And look stupid enough to make me think you really didn't even think about it." 
	"Walk into what?" Justin asked. Chris tried to decide if the spacing of his words qualified as slurring.
	"What'd you drink?" 
	"I don't know. I had what they were having. They've heard of us..."
	"Yeah." Chris decided it was definite slurring and then glanced beside him and saw Justin had stopped walking. He was standing there, looking up towards the ceiling. "Justin," Chris said loudly over the music. He walked over and tugged on his arm. "Dude, come on. What'd you have?" 
	Justin blinked and looked at his friend. "The lights in here are so.... cool..." He shivered a little. "Don't you think?"
	"Yeah...." Chris said slowly. He reached over and took his arm hard. "Come on." He wondered whether it was time to call it a night. It was becoming clear that Justin was out of it. And Chris was starting to realize that it probably wasn't just alcohol either. He didn't even smell like alcohol. Justin's breath smelled of peppermint. 
	"I like lights," Justin persisted. "They're.... Yeah...." He tilted his head back again. "Want to sit here and watch them?" 
	"No, come on." 
	Who to find first. JC would likely freak. He always worried about things, and with Justin always was a little overprotective. Chris himself was seconds from freaking out, so he knew JC would probably take it to another level.
	He fortunately found Lance and Joey first. He hissed their names.
	Joey turned to him when he noticed. The lights flashed around them, music pounding. He was holding a beer in his hand. "Hey," he greeted loudly, smiling. "So I switched from whiskey to beer. Was that a bad idea? I'm feeling really full." 
	Chris gave him a look.
	"What?" Joey frowned. He looked at Justin, head tipped back, looking over everything. "What?"
	"Look at him," Chris said.
	Joey looked at Justin. "What about him?"
	"He's drunk or something, Joe," Chris said. "I don't know what he's on but…"
	"Serious?" Joey's eyes widened. "Well, shit." He laughed for a minute, taking a sip of his beer and then caught Chris's eye. "Is he really out of it?" Justin didn't seem to be paying attention but he figured the music was loud and it was hard to hear. He stepped forward and took Justin's chin in his hand, straightening the boy's gaze to him. "Hey, Justin, why's Chris think you're drunk? And why are you staring at the ceiling?"
	Justin met his eye and his face broke into a grin. "Jo-ey…" He gave a heavy sigh. "Joey. Joey. Joey. It's the lights." 
	"What'd you drink, Justin?" Joey shook his head just a little, but smiled, amused by the expression on his friend's face. "Hm, kid? What'd you get?"
	Justin frowned. "Drink? Nothing… I said I wouldn't. Nada… Zilch… Zero―"
	"Don't lie."
	"You said no drinks..."
	"No, I never said that, I said don't drink a lot. And apparently you did the opposite."
	"No," Justin objected. "No..." He shifted his weight, stepping off balance for a minute before steadying himself, and then crossed his arms over his chest with a stubborn look on his face. "I only had few."
	"A few what?"
	Justin made a face. "I don't know names. I'm new to this.... this.... drinking thing."
	"And proving to us how responsible you are too... Do you feel okay?" Joey persisted. 
	Justin swallowed. "Yeah..." he mumbled. "I'm good." 
	"You sure?"
	Justin leaned his head back again, staring at the disco light at the center of the room. "Let's sit down..." 
	"Alright. In a minute." 
	"Where's JC?" Chris asked. 
	"Is he okay?" Lance asked. He hadn't paid attention at first, but now that he noticed the looks that they were giving Justin and the way Justin seemed to have a very hazy look on his face, he started to realize that something might be wrong.  
	"He'll be fine. Want to find JC?" Joey said. "Tell him we're heading out. It's getting late..." He looked at Chris. "Do you think we should mention Justin's fucked up? I don't think he's that bad... Right?"
	"Well, I don't know," Chris replied. "Where I found him reeked of weed and God knows what else the slimy kids he was with brought for extracurricular activity tonight."
	"It's definitely not just booze?" Joey stepped forward and tugged on Justin's shirt. "Hey. Justin." Justin wasn't paying attention again and so he looked at Chris. "No... He wouldn't do that." 
	"I don't know," Chris replied. "To be honest if I stood there for more than the minute it took to get him, I probably would have a contact high anyway."
	"I thought you were with him."
	"No.... I mean, I was... And then... I don't know..." 
	"Justin..." Joey persisted.
	"What?" Justin scowled at Joey when the man continued to tug at him. "Stop saying my name." 
	"I'll say your name all I want. What'd you drink?"
	"I told you I only had a few..." 
	"A few what?"
	"I don't know..." 
	"You don't know. Okay. Well, did you do anything other than drink?"
	"Uh..." Justin look confused. "I peed."
	"He's not that bad," Joey told Chris. He figured Justin could answer his question, then it was fine. Other than the really spaced out look on his face and the sudden fascination with the ceiling, it wasn't too bad. Then he frowned as Justin tilted his head back a little further and then stumbled a little again before steadying himself. 
	Lance looked at Justin critically. "Maybe he should sit down…"
	"Well, you go find JC but don't tell him Justin's like this. If you want to say why we're leaving, tell him it's me," Chris said. "He worries too much about Justin. So just tell him me, Lance, okay? Tell him Joey and Justin are helping me and that we're going home. Lance― you take a cab back with JC, alright?"
	Lance frowned and eyed Justin as he nodded. "Fine." 
	"We'll catch up in a little bit," Joey replied. "He was with… somebody… Over… Some guy before he was talking to. I don’t know if they're still over there."
	Lance left and Justin was in the hands of Joey and Chris. Justin felt his eyes on them and suddenly look at them. He wasn't sure why his friends  were giving him such critical looks, and he started to wonder why music sounded so different to him tonight. He looked at the two of them and laughed.  "Why are you staring at me."
	"I'm not," Joey told him. But he was. He was eying his stance, his expression, the look in his eyes. Trying to figure out really what his status was. "Did you smoke anything?"
	"Look at the lights instead," Justin persisted. "They're better dancers than half the people in here." 
	"What happened?" Joey asked of Chris. "I just saw him like twenty minutes ago and he was totally fine. And then?"
	"Apparently he stumbled into something or somebody," Chris answered. 
	"I wish I'd stumbled into something or somebody." 
	"Better you than him, yeah..." 
	"Seriously. What could he do in twenty minutes? He doesn't drink very fast. Shots? I don't think he could stomach a shot of anything... I really don't think he'd smoke or take anything." 
	"Well, whatever it is, it's done. So let's just start out of here, okay?"
	Justin was pulled with them towards the exit. The night air hit them with a relieving freshness. They had just reached the sidewalk when Justin began to look funny. Paler than before. He stumbled a little. 
	"I… I'm gonna…"
	Joey could barely get a word of question out before Justin pulled away from them and turned towards the shadows. He started to throw up.
	"Well, for God's sake…" Chris began, disgusted. "Justin…" 
	"At least he didn’t do that in there," Joey answered, wincing as Justin heaved. 
	Justin stopped and stood still hunched over, breathing heavy. Joey walked over and patted his back. "You done, buddy?"
	Justin stood up straighter, taking a deep breath. Then he just laughed again. "Wow. Gross. So gross." He put his hand over his stomach.
	"Feel better?" Joey asked.
	"Sure...." Justin nodded. 
	"Alright, come on…" Joey started. He looked over. Chris was already trying to hail a cab off the street. "Let's get you out of here." 
	"When the cab came, Joey opened the door and tried to push Justin down to sit but Justin kind of pulled back. "Get in, kid. For God's sake."
	"Don't. Don't leave me," Justin began. He grabbed Joey's arm, fingers curling around his sleeve pathetically. He looked at him with some concern. "Don't."
	"Then slide in for me, Justin. I'm getting in on this side too."
	Justin nodded solemnly and got into the cab, sliding in dutifully, not letting go of Joey's arm as the older man followed him in. He gripped Joey's arm in a death hold.
	"What is your problem?" Joey asked.
	"Nothing," Justin murmured with a shiver. "You said get me out of here." 
	"I meant us, Justin. Not just you." 
	"Alright." Justin seemed unsure.
	"What are you on?" Chris demanded as he got in on the other side and slammed the door behind him. He leaned up to give the driver the address before glaring back at Justin. "That's a real question, J. Answer me."
	"Where'd the lights go?" Justin asked sadly. He looked forlorn. He gripped Joey's arm. "My lights… And sounds… I was feeling it all…" 
	"Justin, what'd you take?" Joey began. "Did somebody give you something?"
	Justin simply looked sad. "Where'd my lights go?" He sighed and looked depressed. "I didn't know we were leaving."
	"What did you think we were doing when we walked out the door?" Chris replied.
	"I don't know..." Justin sighed again and then suddenly sniffled.
	"Are you upset now?" Joey asked. "Why?" 
	"I'm not." Justin swallowed, setting his jaw. Then he sniffled again. 
	"Well, what were you drinking? You were fine, and now this. What'd someone give you?"
	"Wait.... Where's JC?" Justin demanded as he suddenly realized only three of them were in the cab. He began to fidget in his seat. He looked around at both of them and then at the rest of the cab and suddenly felt entirely closed in and alone. "Where's Lance?" He sniffled and started to squirm. "JC left me?" 
	"He's in the other cab," Joey answered. "Sh…" He put a hand on Justin's leg to still him from fidgeting. "Chill, man…"
	"What are we supposed to do with him?" Chris asked Joey. 
	"I don't know," Joey answered dryly. "He was fine until we got in the cab."
	"He wasn't fine, Joey. He upchucked all over the sidewalk."
	"Well, just a bit too much booze. We've all been there." 
	A couple tears suddenly slipped down Justin's pale cheeks. "Don't leave me… JC..." 
	"Maybe we should have had JC come with him after all…" Chris said irritably. 
	"Well, you told Lance to say it was you and to meet us back at the hotel. That wasn't my idea."
	Chris sighed. "It was a joint decision. And listen, if he didn't want Justin to drink, then he could have told him not to. He didn't. It's not like it's our fault." 
	"But what if it's not just booze?"
	"Still, not our fault."
	"He's going to think it's our fault since you lied about yourself being the one out of it," Joey answered. He reached over and tried to wipe Justin's cheeks but Justin pulled away.
	"Justin," he said. "Quit crying, will you?"
	"I'm not," Justin lied. 
	Joey looked at Chris. "You should've just told JC and let him deal with it." 
	Chris shook his head. "I was just trying to protect him. I thought we could crack him out of it before we got back."
	"Well, then do it." 
	Chris looked at the sniffling Justin helplessly. "How?"
	"What do you think it is? Booze? Weed? Acid? Ecstasy? Something weird?"
	"I don't know. You're just naming things. How the hell should I know?" Chris answered. "It's been a long time since I've dealt with that shit, Joe. And no matter what it's not like it helps. We have to wait for it to wear off. Maybe he's just drunk."
	"I've never heard anyone talk about lights just being drunk." 
	"He's just weird." 
	Justin was reaching as if to touch something on the ceiling. It looked like gum. Joey grabbed his hand away since the ceiling of the cab looked beyond dirty, but that exacerbated Justin more and he started to pull at his seatbelt, unclicking it. 
	"Let's go back," Justin said. 
	"Justin," Joey chided. "Please. Stop it."
	Justin sighed sadly and slouched low in his seat, making it hard for Joey to redo his seatbelt.
	"I'm fine..." Justin mumbled. 
*****
	"Is he okay?" JC asked in the cab. He looked at the way Lance was wringing his hands, looking out the window. 
	"Yeah." Lance nodded. "You know. Just a bit buzzed. But, uh, we thought it would be better to get him back to the hotel."
	"Yeah, definitely…" JC nodded. "I think we have to get up early tomorrow."
	"Do we?"
	"I'm not sure. But yeah...  We thought it would just be better to get back. You know how Joey gets."
	"Joey? I thought you said it was Chris."
	Lance paused. "I… I did say Chris. But I meant… How Joey is about… You know, making sure it doesn't go any further… That we should… just get him back to the hotel."
	"Lance."
	"What?"
	JC frowned. "I don’t even know what to ask you. What aren't you telling me?"
	Lance chewed on his lip.
	"We are all going back to the hotel right?" JC persisted.
	Lance nodded. "Yeah."  
	"Okay…" JC frowned. "Then why are you acting weird?"
	"I'm not."
	"So is it Chris or Joey?"
	"J― Chris. It's Chris." 
	"You don't sound sure about that. It's not Justin, right?"
	"Um. I don't know, JC. I was just told what I was told." 
	JC grunted. "No one's hurt or anything, right? Everyone has all their toes and fingers and everything? No freaking out?"
	"Of course not, JC…" Lance frowned and stared out the window. "So, uh, did you have fun?"
*******
	 Joey, Chris, and Justin were about ten minutes in front of JC and Lance getting back to the hotel. They reached their street and the building, nearly dragging Justin out of the cab with them. They got the half whimpering, mumbling Justin to sit on the bed when they reached their room. Then they stared at him. Justin looked disoriented.
	"Should I get his mother?" Joey asked.
	"Mom…" Justin echoed disinterestedly, frowning.
	"Why?" Chris answered. "So she can freak out too? She can't fix Justin. She'd probably just slap him. Take a look at him. My mother would slap me." 
	"Fix Justin…" Justin echoed. "Fix, fix, fix… Fix Justin."
	"Justin, stop repeating me," Chris replied.
	Justin sighed and sniffed. He leaned back, falling flat on his back on the bed. He stared at the ceiling. He saw so many colors. He didn't remember a multi-colored ceiling… Did they have a different room? The walls were moving too. That was kind of cool. What a cool room. "Did we change rooms?"
	"No." Joey frowned at him.
	Justin didn't believe him but didn't respond. And then it was suddenly just him and the spinning room. He didn't like to be alone. Where did they all go?
	Joey watched in worry as Justin drew his hands up to his face and began to sniffle again. "What the hell is wrong with him?"
	"He's drunk," Chris answered. "For real. Or maybe tripping. I don't know. I had a girlfriend that would cry every time she was drunk. Fucking annoying." 
	"Justin…" Joey began. "Hey…"
	They heard noise at the door then and a few seconds later Lance and JC entered and JC took a look at the three in the room, exclaiming,
	"I knew it!" he shouted. "I knew it! I knew you weren't sick. Either of you. What happened?"
	"We don't know," Joey admitted. "He's pretty drunk or something." 
	"Why'd you say it was you?" JC asked Chris.
	"Uh... Did Lance say it was me?" He shook his head at Lance. "Lance, you're such a liar..."
	"Me?" Lance retorted in surprise.	
	JC stood over Justin, watching him. Justin still lay on his back covering his face, his legs hanging off the bed. "Is he crying?"
	"He's been crying, laughing, talking, everything," Chris responded sarcastically. "Hell, he even threw up." 
	"Well, what happened?" JC persisted, wanting badly just to know. He leaned down and touched Justin's arm. "Justin, what's the matter, buddy?" Justin didn't responded.
	"He's obviously on something," Chris said.
	"Like he's drunk or he's on something?"
	"Um... Maybe both..." Joey said slowly.
	"How could he be that stupid?" Lance asked.
	"It's probably not his fault," Joey began. "Chris said the air in the back of the place was pretty smokey. And not cigarettes. Or somebody could have slipped him something."
	"That happened to my friend with LSD once," Chris replied. "He had no idea." 
	"Isn't that the paper?" JC asked. "He wouldn't do that. Would he? Doesn't he know that?"
	"It's probably not his fault," Joey persisted. "And I doubt it's LSD." 
	JC leaned down and pulled at Justin's arm. "Justin, sit up." 
	Justin squirmed on the bed. His leg bumped into the standing JC and he mumbled something about lights. 
	JC took hold of Justin's forearms and pulled him up, slipping an arm behind his back to help pull him into sitting. Justin's hands dropped down from his face to his lap and he stared straight ahead, a dazed look in his tear-filled eyes. But he recognized his friend and smiled a little crookedly. "JC." 
	"Hey, Jus, you want to have some water or something?" JC asked.
	"Or a cold shower?" Chris muttered. 
	"Does that really work?" Lance asked. 
	"That's what I said," Joey answered.
	"Chris, I thought you'd dealt with everything," Joey persisted. "What do we do?"
	Chris looked skeptical. "Just let him be. I mean, it'll wear off. You should just keep him happy in the meantime. You don't want him to have a bad trip if it is something weird."
	"Is he really high off something?" JC asked.
	"I don't know," Chris replied. 
	"Well, for God's sake. How long does that take to wear off if he is?" 
	"Depends what it is. He'll be fine tomorrow."
	"What are we doing tomorrow?" JC asked. "Aren't we driving?"
	"I think we have an interview in the late afternoon…" Lance began. "I think most of the day is driving. We're heading towards the Netherlands."
	"Justin," JC said sternly as Justin started to rock. "Look at me. Justin."
	Justin turned his head slightly and met JC's eye. "Hey…"
	"Hey," JC echoed. "Whatcha doing?"
	"I just don't feel very good with all these colors." Justin waved his hands around. "And spinning. Huh? Did we change rooms, Jayyy-cee?" He held JC's name out. 
	"No." JC shook his head.
	"Are you sure?" 
	"Yes."
	"That's what Joey said, but," Justin looked over at Joey and then said in a loud whisper, "sometimes Joey lies." 
	"I do not," Joey objected. 
	"Maybe you should just humor him," Lance suggested.  
	"Is he seeing things though?" JC stood up straighter and looked at the guys, leaving Justin sitting in front of him. "Why's he talking about lights." 
	"If it's like the trips I've heard of," Joey began, "he's seeing everything like ten times brighter and louder and whatever…" 
	"That you've heard of?" Chris asked, raising his eyebrows. "Joey..."
	Joey laughed. "What?"
	Justin began to giggle too. He reached forward and looked at the buckle of JC's belt. The silver sparkled and glinted. "That's pretty…" He tried to pull at it. 
	"Justin," JC began, taking Justin's hand in his and patting it. "Let's decide what to do with you. Do you want water? Or to sleep?" 
	"Water." Justin looked at JC's hand and his own. "Why is your hand..." He blinked at it and then tried to refocus. "Never mind." He looked at the belt again and reached for it.
	"Stop." JC pulled his hand away. "Work with us."
	Justin looked taken back. He continued to stare at JC's belt buckle. "Sorry…" he whispered. It was glinting at him again. He wanted to touch it. He suddenly felt very dejected. 
	"It's okay," JC looked at him. He reached down and stroked Justin's cheek. "Justin, when you were at the club…?"
	Justin leaned into JC when the man's hand left his cheek, sighing contently when JC got the hint and ran his fingers through his hair. "When I was at the club," he responded dutifully.
	"What happened?"
	"I danced..... And… I had I think a Coke. Just one. Well, it had rum. And… Then I danced. And two people recognized me. But they didn't scream or anything. Not like that girl. Remember that girl?" He held his arm out in front of him and scrutinized it. "That girl that scratched me." 
	"And then?"
	"And then…" He felt JC's hand pause and whined, "JC…" 
	"Did you take anything?" JC sat down next to him. "Tonight. At the club." 
	"I don't take anything. From anybody," Justin responded. "Nothing. Don't take nothing…"
	"Obviously you had more than one drink. What'd somebody give you? Did they buy you a drink?" 
	"I don't know." Justin sighed contently.
	"Justin," JC said his name firmly. "Come on." 
	Justin laughed again. He fell back to lay flat on the bed again and giggled. He rocked his head from side to side and watched the colors of the ceiling whirl.
	"So what's wrong with him?" Lance asked warily. He went over to sit on the other bed, watching worriedly.
	"He'll be fine tomorrow…" was all Chris said. 
	"God, Justin…" JC peered down at him. "What'd we do to deserve you?" 
	Justin didn't answer, humming now. He wasn't sure what song he was humming. 
	"How long does it last?" Lance asked. No one answered him. "Chris?" 
	"I don't know," Chris answered with a shrug. "It depends. Stop looking at me like I'm an expert." 
	Joey sighed. "Man, that is undoubtedly the most high maintenance kid I have ever known. It's like… everything that could… with him it happens." 
	"Could be worse," Chris started. "We could have not noticed when we did."
	"Who noticed?" JC asked. He leaned backwards to lie next to Justin. 	
	"Me," Chris admitted.
	"Where were we?" JC muttered. He turned his head to look at Justin. Justin was still obsessed with the ceiling "Justin.... Kiddo, what are you looking at?" 
	"Colors…" Justin replied with childlike amazement.
	"What colors do you see?"
	"All of 'em… All colors ever… Every one that's in the Crayola box…"
	"Turn on the TV then," Chris suggested. "That'll keep him occupied." 
	"That might be a good idea…" JC laughed. "Just, you wanna watch TV?"
	"Television…" Justin echoed.
	"Is that a yes?" Lance smirked. 
	JC started to sit up. "I think so." He slid back to reach for the controller on the table between the two beds. He sat up against the headboard and pressed the power button.
	The TV turned on, a little static at first, then clear. German news greeted them. JC changed the channels, looking for something non-threatening to put on.  
	Justin started to sit up, locking his eyes on the TV. "Ooh… Is that a new TV?" He started to crawl back towards JC. 
	JC nodded and smirked. "Brand new," he said as Justin nearly crawled into his lap. "Here's the remote. Wanna flip?"
	Justin took the controller from him. "Cool…" He changed the channel. 
	"Try to get him to fall asleep," Chris suggested. "I'm tired. Justin, want to sleep?"
	"No," Justin replied. 
	"He's wired," Joey objected. "How's he going to sleep?"
	"Try…" 
	"Joey, where's Steve?" Lance asked.
	"I think he was gonna sleep in the Harless's room with the extra bed," Joey answered. "He's been tired with our schedule." He smirked. "And I think we shouldn't let that room know about this."
	Justin had found a brightly colored commercial and was watching intently. JC draped an arm around Justin's shoulders. Justin couldn’t believe all the colors and sounds from this new high tech television. It was absolutely amazing.
	"Well, I'm going to get ready for bed," Lance started.
	"I'm going to shower," Chris answered.
	"I'll turn off the lights," Joey began. "JC, get him to fall asleep. Maybe then when he wakes up he'll be better." 
	"Justin…" JC began, resting his chin on Justin's shoulder. "They want you to sleep." 
	"Justin…" Justin replied slowly, still awed at the TV.
	"Well, let's at lease pretend," JC said. "You gotta take off your shoes…" JC began. "C'mere." He uncurled his arm and tapped Justin's thigh. "Are you listening? Take off your shoes." 
	Justin drew his legs up and tried to get at his shoelaces. JC reached around him and helped. Then Joey walked over and grabbed JC's shoes, quickly untying them and pulling them off too.
	JC laughed. "Thank you."
	Joey rolled his eyes and nodded. "Justin, how you feeling, pal?" he asked, like he would ask a child. "You want to go to sleep?" 
	"I don't know. It's like I'm flying…" Justin responded. 
	"Are we?"
	"A purple one." Justin frowned.
	"A purple what?" Joey asked.
	"Huh?" 
	"Here…" JC began, reaching for the waistband Justin's jeans. He fumbled with the button. "We're trying to get to sleep so let's change. Can you do it?"
	Justin spent a minute trying to unbutton his pants. Then he just gave up and sat there.
	"Okay..." JC sighed and did it himself.
	"Okay," Justin replied, looking down at JC pulling down his zipper. He laughed.
	"God, you're like dead weight," JC muttered. "Not helping me." 
	"I got it," Joey said with a sigh, walking towards them and then grabbing hold of Justin jeans, yanking them down. After a moment's effort, he tossed the jeans aside, leaving Justin in his boxers. Justin pulled off his shirt, keeping on his undershirt.
	JC sighed and felt maybe Justin wasn't in too bad shape and it would be fine.
	"I think we're all tired," JC said  as Joey moved to turn off the lights. "Close your eyes and we'll just try to fall asleep." 
	"Why?"
	"Because everyone wants to go to bed, Justin."
	Justin shivered. "I don't want to close my eyes." 
	"I'm going to close mine."
	"But everything will disappear…" Justin started in protest. "Everything will be gone…" 
	"No, everything's still there," JC assured.
	"No…" Justin answered. "Not really."
	"Okay…" JC sighed. "Fine… Keep your eyes open." He started to sit up away from Justin. He pulled the blankets down a bit and patted the space next to him. "Will you lay down at least? You can keep your eyes open, but just lay here."
	"JC…" Justin looked frustrated. He wanted to look at the glowing TV and this was very distracting. 
	"Justin, come on…" JC patted the space again and shifted over, out from Justin "Move here."
	"Joey, are you going to bed too?" Lance asked as he tossed his t-shirt in the corner.. 
	Joey nodded, walking over to the bed and unbuttoning his own jeans. "I think so. If he shuts up." 
	JC rolled his eyes. "I hope this doesn't last long though…." He rubbed his hand over Justin's head, over his curls, while following the boy's eyes to the screen. "Lay down, Jus." 
	"Why?"
	"Because."
	"Why?"
	"I told you to, that's why."
	"Why?" 
	JC looked at him, frustrated..
	Justin thought it was the funniest thing and began to giggle. "Why?"
	"For God's sake," Joey answered, now in the other bed. 
	"See… But he can be like this when he hasn't been drugged too…"  JC responded. "You should be used to it." 
	"Why?" Justin persisted with a smile. When JC didn't answer him, his smile faltered and he poked at his friend. "JC."
	"What?" JC answered, not knowing what to say anymore.  
	"What am I doing again?"
	"Just lay down, relax... That's all. It's late."
	Justin shifted closer to him and slouched down a little, eyes returning to the TV. 
	JC was thinking maybe Justin would just fall asleep. Then when he woke up everything would be fine, and it would be like he never even went out with them... Right?"
	"JC?"
	JC sighed. "What."
	"You won't, right?" Justin asked.
	"Won't what?"
	"Disappear."
	"Who said anything about disappearing?"
	"Just say you won't."   
	"I won't, man…" JC assured. "I promise." He saw Justin's eyes locked on the TV, mesmerized. He patted him on the arm. "I won't."  
	Then he actually started to believe that it was all okay because Justin had been quiet for about a full sixty seconds and he seemed to be pretty loose just lying there. JC listened to the TV and let the controller sit next to Justin on the bed. He could also hear the water running in the bathroom from Chris's shower. Joey and Lance were silent in the other bed. A glance over made him think Lance was already asleep.
	But then Justin shifted a little. First his right leg shifted out and brushed into JC. Then he moved a little bit his position. He pointed at the TV.
	"Flying saucers."
	JC could only see commercial for laundry detergent.
	"That's pretty cool," Justin persisted.
	"Huh?" JC asked.
	"The flying sorcerers."
	Now it was an allergy commercial JC could see a dog running through a park on the TV and felt confused. 
	Justin cleared his throat. "I wonder... I wonder if Joey can fly. Joey says he's superman." 
	His gaze shifted to the window. The blinds were slightly open and he could slightly see the lights from cars down below flashing by. Except, it didn't dawn on him that the lights were from cars.
	He sat up quickly on the bed and pushed JC away as the man took his arm. He remembered the flying saucers and knew they were coming. They were coming to get him and take him away from his friends. 
	Justin was at the window before JC could reach for him. Joey sat up in bed as Justin began to try to open the window, his hands awkwardly trying to find the lock, trying to lift it, growing more and more frustrated. 
	"Make them stop," he persisted. "I'll tell them to go away." 
	"Justin…" Joey swung his legs over the side of the bed to sit at the edge. The window was just a few feet from him and he watched the frantic Justin skeptically. "This is getting annoying," he muttered. "Justin, what are you doing?"
	"Make them stop!" Justin yelled. 
	"Who?"
	"Them!" Justin pointed at the window. 
	"Who's them?" Joey started to get up. He walked over and looked out the window, down at the barely lit street. 
	Justin had a frightened look on his face, eyes glossy. But looking out the window, he no longer saw what he thought he had and he suddenly felt lost. He sighed. "I don't know." 
	"He is never going to believe us when we tell him how he is right now…" Lance began, whose eyes were now open. "Tomorrow when he can't remember." He shook his head, yawning. "You should get out the video camera."
	"I should," Joey said, swinging an arm around Justin's shoulders. "Steve's got it somewhere though." 
	Justin pushed Joey away from him. "Stop it." 
	"Stop what?" Joey scowled. 
	Justin moved away from the window. The street had turned quiet for that moment, no cars passing, and so no flying saucers for him. It lost his interest. He forgot. Joey walked with him carefully. 
	JC sat up patiently in bed watching. He picked up the controller and held it tentatively as he watched Justin crossing the room. Justin headed towards the door, where he immediately looked through the peephole. Joey stood by his side. 
	Joey leaned against the wall and scrutinized JC. "I want to go to bed. When will he want to go to bed?"
	"I don't know, but you can go to sleep whenever," JC answered. "Go ahead."
	"You think I can sleep with him bumbling around like an idiot?" Joey replied. 
	Justin's hand went for the lock of the door without notice. He turned it, grunting.
	"Well, I don't think anyone can make him sleep…" JC began.  
	"I don't know."
	JC's eyes shifted back to Justin as he suddenly was slipping out the door. "Joey," JC started as he moved to slide off the bed. "Grab him!"
	Joey snapped back to concentration on Justin and slipped out after him. He grabbed Justin's wrist but Justin pulled away and screamed.
	Really loudly.
	"Justin, for God's sake," Joey hissed, looking at the many other doors aside from theirs. "You'll fucking wake―"
	Justin screamed again, facing Joey and looking about to run. And it seemed for no obvious reason. Realizing this, and the lack of any reason to be afraid, he looked at Joey's face and then laughed. 
	Joey sighed at him. "You think that's funny, huh?" 
	Justin tilted his head back and looked at the hallway lights. 
	Joey took that chance and quickly stepped forward, grabbing Justin. He took him by the waist and with only slight struggle, hoisted Justin over his shoulder, and started back into their room.
	Justin giggled as the world flipped upside down and everything whirled together. He felt a little nauseous and groaned. Then he just laughed and laughed. 
	Joey kicked the door shut behind him and walked quickly over to the bed. Justin was kind of heavy. He dropped him next to JC, and the kid laid there looking dazed up at the ceiling. 
	"I really don't see what's funny," Joey muttered, glaring at Justin pointedly.
	The sound of the shower squeaked off from the bathroom. 
	"Chris is done." Justin clapped his hands. 
	"Why did you scream?" JC asked, patting Justin's curly head. "Screaming isn't good for your voice."
	"He's never coming clubbing with me again," Joey answered as he walked around that bed to reach his own again. "Hear that, Justin? Never. Not after this."  
	"I didn't do anything," Justin replied.
	Joey laughed sarcastically. "Yeah..."
	"You want to go next?" JC asked.
	"Go where?" Justin answered.  
	"Shower?"
	"Nah… No shower…" Justin sighed, stretching out, still flat on his back. "Nope."
	"But maybe it'll make you feel better…"
	"Maybe he should just shut up and go to bed," Joey answered as he sat down on his own bed.
	"I agree. Just turn off everything. The lights," Lance said. "Maybe if it's all dark. I want to sleep too." 
	"Then it'll go away…" Justin said dejectedly. "Lance is mean. Mean Lance. Our bass Bass."
	"Wait until Chris comes out," JC responded."Then I'll turn off the lights." 
	"Oh wow. Now he doesn't like me," Lance said, sounding indifferent about it. 
	"Lance... Dont listen, he's just talking," JC answered.
	"I don't really care either way." 
	There was a knock at the door. They all looked at each other, silent. Justin giggled.
	"Who could that be?" JC asked.
	"I don't know," Joey answered. "You get it. Probably somebody who his screaming woke up, and they want to kill us." 
	"Should I answer it?" The knock sounded again. He started to get off the bed, leaving Justin lying sprawled there by himself.
	He looked through the peephole.
	He groaned. "Oh, God…" 
	"What?" Joey asked, sitting up slowly with a frown. "No one with a gun, right? I was just kidding. If it is, push Justin out there."
	"No pushing," Justin spoke up.
	"It's his mother," JC answered. "I have to let her in. What are we going to tell her?"
	"Well, maybe she'll be cool?" Joey answered hesitantly. "None of us have flipped out. Maybe she won't either."
	"Yeah, after she completely blames us. Me. I'm supposed to be the responsible one."
	"Well, that's just bullshit. You shouldn't have to worry about it," Joey answered as he got up. "I'll try to keep Justin normal." He moved to the other bed and took Justin's arm. "Sit up, pal. For like five minutes. You have to look good for your mom, huh? Try to focus."
	Justin frowned at Joey's prodding. "Go fly. Fly away."  
	"I can't." Joey managed to get Justin to sit up. The kid at least looked happy. 
	JC was just letting Lynn in. She peered in around the door and him carefully. She eyed her son on the bed and Joey sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. Then her eyes went back to JC. She looked exhausted and had a nightgown on.
	"I just heard a lot of noise…" she began. "It sounded like you guys. I was worried." 
	"The TV went really loud for a minute," JC answered. "Joey sat on the controller."
	"It sounded like it was out in the hall…" she persisted. "I thought something might be wrong."
	Justin had started to fidget but Joey was trying to keep him still inconspicuously. But then Chris came out of the bathroom, showered and changed, and havoc broke loose.
	"Chris!" Justin screamed. "Chris― There were these saucers flying and they were coming in through the window! But I scared them away and they didn't eat JC so―" 
	Joey clapped a hand over Justin's mouth.
	"What is wrong with him?" Lynn demanded. "What did he say?"
	"He's really tired," JC said. "Chris missed part of the movie, that's all."
	She looked at the TV and saw news on. "Where did you guys go tonight? Is he drunk?"
	"No, he's just really hyper," JC started slowly. "Lynn… I swear. He didn’t drink anything. He's just in a mood."
	"He doesn't sound just hyper…" She looked over. "Justin, what's wrong?"
	Joey's hand was still tight over a squirming Justin's mouth.
	Chris eyed the scene critically as he walked across the room to the other bed, saying nothing.
	"He is," JC said. "He's way tired and―"
	Justin started to speak loudly when he peeled Joey's hand off of himself, "Are they baaack?" He'd seen a light flash in the window but Joey swiftly clamped a hand over his mouth tightly again.
	"JC, Tell me the truth," Lynn started, eyes narrowing. "What's going on?"
	"Stop!" Justin hollered as he pried Joey's hand off his mouth a second time. "That's Lynn Harless over there! Not Lynn Timberlake-Harless… My name is Justin Timberlake, but she's my mother anyway…"
	Lynn started at him. "Justin, what is the matter with you?"
	JC took Lynn's arm. "Lynn, he just seems weird to you because it's so late. He's always like this at this time of night when we haven't slept."
	"No, he's not, JC. I know my son." 
	"It's just... late. We should be in bed, I know. We won't bring him out again. But we're all going to go to bed now, okay?"
	Lynn looked at him hard. "He isn't drunk?"
	"No, Lynn… He's not drunk." JC looked at her earnestly. "You think we'd let that happen?" 
	"Justin?" she asked. "Are you drunk?"
	Justin didn't answer. He was telling Joey about something.
	"Lynn," JC began. "It's fine."
	She looked skeptical. "I just heard a lot of noise and he doesn't seem―"
	"I'm sorry," he persisted, ushering her slowly out the door. "We're going to bed now, okay?"
	"Maybe he should come with me," she started. She suddenly looked very distrustful. "Justin, want to sleep in my room?" 
	"Steve's in there," JC began. "He won't want to sleep with him. He'll be fine, Lynn, and we'll see you in the morning, okay?" 
	Lynn did not look convinced. 
	"We're going to bed now," JC repeated kindly. "Sorry about that, Lynn..."
	"I still think he should go to my room," Lynn persisted. "He's my son, JC. Let me do what's best for him." 
	JC thought that was ironic and really didn't know what to say. She obviously wasn't buying the 'just tired' explanation. He let her come into the room because there was really no way around it.
	Justin squirmed out of Joey's hold and laid on the bed with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling. Blue and purple and orange swirled together. The orange was kind of ugly.
	He could sense the shift in the room. It was quiet. He blinked and the world shifted. He felt a little nauseous. 
	What was going to happen?
	Lynn's hand was suddenly on his arm. "Justin, you're going to sleep in my room tonight, alright? Get up." 
	Justin blinked again. Everything did the shift again. He became solemn. It was better to be solemn. Everyone else was quiet and he picked up on the need to be serious.
	"Justin," Lynn persisted. "Did you hear me? Get up."
	"Why?"
	"Come sleep in my room." 
	Justin's brow furrowed. "No... Joey said to be still," Justin answered. 
	"Well, he's not your mother," Lynn answered sharply. "You are drunk, aren't you? Justin, I'm angry. You know better. Now, come on."
	Justin shook his head. His mother's face swirled and jumped up and down. It morphed. He saw something else. He swallowed back another fearful yell.  
	"Lynn, I'll take care of him," JC said. "If you just let me―"
	"I apparently let you do this to him," Lynn shot back. "He's sixteen. Maybe I should stay with him more. He's barely sixteen! And sixteen year old's don't drink, JC! Not where we're from!"  
	"He didn't drink a lot," JC persisted. "He thinks he's being funny."
	"I know drunk, JC. And my child is drunk!" 
	"Screaming isn't going to help," JC persisted. "And him going to your room is going to make things worse, alright? Just let us take care of him and everything in the morning will be perfectly fine."
	"Come on, Lynn…" Joey insisted.
	Lynn looked at them, eyes ice, hair frizzy, looking vicious. "Fine. But we will talk about this. Trust me." 
	They watched her leave and slam the door behind her.
	"Jesus Christ," Chris said, sitting on the other bed. "I take a shower and all hell breaks loose."	
	Joey reached over and slapped Justin across the back of the head hard. "What the hell, Justin?  I hope you remember this."
	Justin winced and lstarted to look like he might cry, and Joey started to feel bad. He rubbed at Justin's curls a little regrettably as thought to take it back. 	
	Justin just stared out the window. "Are they back?"
	"Justin, who?" JC replied in exasperation. "Does it register with you what just happened?" 
	"So what did?" Chris asked with a sigh.
	"Justin, why do you have to turn into a baby whenever there's an ounce of alcohol in you?" JC persisted. "Or apparently drugs?"
	"Drugs?" Justin echoed. "Don't do dares. DARE. Drug... Awareness...." 
	"Yeah, you should have thought of that earlier tonight," Joey answered. 
	"Who's this 'they' thing?" Chris asked Lance.
	Lance looked exhausted. "I don't know what he said. Flying saucers, I think. He thinks they are coming to get us."
	"Oh." Chris nodded like he understood completely, and then he rolled his eyes. "Jesus Christ."
	Justin felt despondent again, and he knew the mood had shifted to bad. He looked out the window gloomily. He didn’t feel like laughing anymore. He felt extremely sad. 	"I'm not drunk, you know…" he mumbled. "I said I wouldn't." 
	"No? Then you're just a complete and utter moron," Chris answered.
	Justin whined, "It's just… I like when…" He sighed and felt a rush of emotion. He kicked at nothing.
	"Let's turn off everything," Lance suggested, almost pleading. "I'm really tired."
	"Don't turn it off!" Justin yelled. "Or else!"
	"Justin, you already woke up your mom and God knows who else…" Joey warned. "Just shut up." 
	Justin inhaled a deep ragged breath.
	"Justin…" JC sat down on the edge of their bed. "Come on. How about we just crash and worry about it tomorrow. When you're normal." 
	"I'm never normal." Justin sniffled.  
	"Justin, you're being a girl with all these ups and downs," Chris said. "You know most people take drugs to have a really good time with friends. Not to be like… that." 
	Joey laughed. "That's true."
	JC walked over and reached for the controller on the bed. He pressed the power button and the screen went black.
	Justin still sat there, staring at it. 
	"Justin, wanna go to bed?" Joey suggested. He turned off one of the lights of the room. There was one more on and the room stayed dimly lit. Joey thought about it and went to completely close the curtains to the window in case any more lights from the street put Justin into a frenzy. 
	Justin got up from the bed and walked towards the window. Then he stopped, realizing that the curtains being shut weren't probably a good thing. "Thanks, Joey," he said.
	Joey rolled his eyes. "You are insane." 
	"Can we please go to sleep now?" Lance complained. 
	"Tomorrow is either going to be hilarious," Chris began, "or a huge pain in the ass." 
 	"I vote for the latter," Lance began, "if we can't go to sleep."
	"I agree," Joey said. "Justin, get back in bed." 
	"Justin, come on," JC persisted, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
	"I'm sorry JC," Justin answered softly.
	"Don't be sorry," JC answered. "Yet." Justin turned towards him, and JC smiled. "Come on." 
	Justin seemed more childlike and he walked towards him uncertainly. He just knew it had gotten darker and things were looking different again. Maybe everyone was angry. But JC didn't look so angry. So he asked him with a sense of impending disappointment, "Are you angry...?" 
	JC took his wrist when he got close enough and pulled him towards him with a sigh. "How you doing, you druggie?" he asked sarcastically. 
	Justin leaned into the sitting JC and said nothing. He looked over JC's shoulder at Lance, who looked almost asleep, and Chris. And Joey. 
	"You wanna try to sleep?" JC asked hopefully, patting Justin's back.
	Justin turned around and sat down on JC's knee. He stared at the wall and then leaned his head back into JC's chest. "Sleep." 
	"Alright, goon," JC answered, wincing at the weight. "Come on." He tried to look at Justin's face. "You ready for bed now? Get up." He pushed at him.  
	Justin got up slowly and looked sad.
	"Oh, don’t pout," JC answered as his lap was freed and he got up off the bed. He sighed and yanked back all the covers. "You can pout tomorrow when you realize how awfully mad everyone's going to be at you."
	"I'm turning off the lights…" Joey warned, standing with his hand on the switch. He watched Justin climb into bed slowly. "I wash my hands of this whole situation."
	"Go ahead," JC answered. Justin finally settled and JC pulled the blankets up just as the room went black. 
	The change was drastic for Justin. He closed his eyes tight and whimpered. All his colors, everything, were gone. It was all taken away. He felt very sad. He lay there alone, listening as JC disappeared in the bathroom, probably to change and brush his teeth, and tried not to make any noise. He could hear Chris on the couch; it squeaked every time he moved. And Lance and Joey were whispering very lowly about something. Then the room was very quiet.
	Eventually JC climbed into bed, crawling under the covers and pulling them up to his chin. He leaned over and whispered into Justin's ear, "Are you okay?", putting his hand on his arm. 
	"No…" Justin admitted, wanting to pull away. He moved JC's arm off of him and turned away. 
	"What's wrong?" JC whispered in confusion. He touched Justin's back.
	Justin pulled away sharply and then suddenly felt himself flying.
	JC sat up quickly when he heard Justin fall off the bed. He scrambled next to him to find the light on the table between the beds. It went on with a click and he slid back across the bed to the other side where he'd fallen.
	"Did he just fall out of bed?" Joey asked.
	"Yes," JC answered. 
	Justin was lying there, looking dazed, eyes up at the ceiling. His head hurt, and he felt extremely disoriented.
	"Justin," JC began.
	Joey slid out of bed and walked over to take a look at Justin. "None of us are going to get any sleep tonight, I'm assuming…" 
	JC leaned down to Justin. "Are you okay, J? Did you hit your head?"
	"It would have been nice if he'd gone unconscious," Chris muttered from the other side of the room. 
	"That's awful," Lance answered tiredly.
	"I know. Bad me."
	Joey sent Chris a look and knelt down next to Justin. He glanced up at JC. "What'd he do?"
	"I don't know…" JC answered. "He just rolled over."
	"Maybe we should give him to his mom," Joey said.
	JC shook his head. "Oh, you don't want to do that… We need him in one piece tomorrow. She'll drive him crazy trying to figure out what's going on…"
	"Is he going to be in one piece tomorrow anyway?"
	"Yes." JC scrubbed his hand through Justin's hair as the kid sat up. "Aren't we, Justy?"
	"What?" Justin answered. 
******
	Not one out of the five slept well that night. Justin did fall asleep eventually after about an hour of painful silence, but he woke them up a couple times after that from weird dreams. He wouldn't tell them what the dreams were about.
	In the morning, they had to get up to start the drive to the Netherlands so that they could be there by the afternoon. 
	They walked around Justin warily. They were all exhausted and knew that they would all be short-fused that morning, and so they tried to make any possible conflict disappear. They weren't even sure if Justin was back to normal yet.
	JC handed Justin a glass of water when he woke up and started the morning with, "Are you feeling better?"
	"What are you talking about?" Justin replied in confusion.
	And so they thought he was back. Chris explained to him briefly and tiredly what JC was talking about and Justin said with a frown and a bit of a shameful look that he barely remembered anything after arriving at the club. They couldn't get mad at him― he really looked so damn sincerely confused― and so they said they'd discuss it later and focused on packing up for the ride. 
	But then to make matters worse, when they were getting ready to go downstairs to meet the drivers to go, Justin's mom confronted them. She informed Justin that he was riding with her.
	"Why?" Justin answered.
	"Because. We need to talk."
	"About what?"
	She just gave him a look as if that said it all. 
*******
	It seemed quiet in the van without Justin. None of them had much to say. They wanted to sleep. But there was too much to think about it. They all felt a sense of guilt. They were starting to feel bad, knowing what it would be like to be in that situation with their own mothers and starting to wonder if they could have prevented it.
	"You think she'll kill him?" Chris asked with a slightly worried tone.
	"Maybe," JC answered. "She thinks he was only drunk though."
	"Drunk is better than high, I guess," Joey considered. 
	"Definitely," Lance agreed.
	"I thought he was high maintenance before this," Chris answered. "Now I guess I should be thankful. Normal Justin will be a breeze from now on." 
	"If we stop at a rest stop, you think we could steal him back?" Joey asked. "I feel bad. Lynn can't lecture that long, can she?"
	"She probably thinks we're a bad influence," JC answered. "Or that Germany's a bad influence." 
	"No― We picked out the most innocent club we could find," Chris objected. "It's just that damn kid. He's got like a magnet for stuff like that. I bet he could find heroin and crack at Disney World."
	"Like remember that homeless guy?" Lance asked. "Random but it happened to him." 
	JC frowned. He thought about where they were. The cities of Europe they'd seen. Where the young drank and you could see naked women and buy porno at the local five and ten. You smelled the drugs depending on what you were walking past and no one thought twice. It was an entirely different world. Sure it was like that in some cities in the US but they'd never been thrown into the cheap hotels back home. JC wondered if Lynn would try to pull Justin out for something stupid like this.
	That would be far too ridiculous.
	She couldn't, he would tell her, if she brought it up. He was signed. And she had signed on the line right below where he had. Unless she wanted to pay a lot, she wouldn't. And she couldn't anyway. She would never be able to afford pulling him out. 
	Not to mention Justin would go insane.
	Besides, he hoped she wouldn't even come to that conclusion.... Right?
	"I hope she doesn't mention it to Johnny…" Chris persisted.
	"Why would she?" Lance asked.
	"I don't know. I'm just saying."
	"JC," Joey started, eying his quiet friend. "Deep in thought?"
	"Just wondering what she's going to do," JC replied slowly with a frown. "You know?"
	"It's not that big a deal," Chris began. "Everyone gets drunk at some point. He's a teenager. What's she expect?"
	"Well, technically, a mother doesn't expect her sixteen year old to drink," Joey answered. "My mother would flip out too if I were sixteen." 
	"Well, Lynn lets him do anything," Chris said. "Seems like it at least. He's here. On tour. So she shouldn't think it's that big a deal. She probably just wants him to think she does care so much so that he doesn't get irresponsible."
	"Then why's she need a whole car ride with him?" Joey answered. "My mom could let me know that in about ten minutes." 
	"It's Justin. He's got a thick skull."
	"JC, you know her best," Lance answered. "What do you think?"
	JC cleared his throat as he thought. "I don't know. I mean, Justin's always been with an older crowd. Whenever he came with me, I mean, we went places. She had to know that we did stuff past his age group, but… She never said anything to me about what to do and not to do as long as I watched out for him and brought him back."
	"It could be so much worse," Lance answered.
	"She should realize that," Chris answered. "I mean, from what I've seen since we started, she's been cool about a lot of stuff."
********
	 They stopped on the road for lunch. 
	Their van was about ten minutes ahead of Justin, his parents, and Steve's. It was a fast food restaurant and so they took a table inside and waited for them to come. They were in the middle of a conversation about something else when Justin approached them. 
	"Our driver's slow," he said as he pulled up a chair and took a sit carefully beside JC. He looked young and drawn and tired, his curly hair sticking up. 
	They looked at him curiously. 
	"Rough morning?" Joey asked. "How do you feel?"
	Justin shrugged.
	"Oh to be young and avoid vicious hangovers..." 
	"She mad?" Chris asked.
	"Yes," Justin answered simply. He played with the edge of a napkin. "Did ya'll order yet?"
	"No, we were waiting for you," JC replied. He didn't know what to say to make Justin feel better. He reached over in a friendly gesture to pat Justin's hair. "You hungry?"
	"Not really."
	"Can you ride with us the rest of the way?" Joey asked.
	"I don’t know…" 
	"How come―"
	Justin looked up. "Can ya'll quit asking me stuff? Just shut up." 
	"Um…" Lance started. "I'll go up and order and stuff if you guys want to tell me what you want…" 
	They told him quickly what they wanted and he got up and left.
	"Does she want any of us to talk to her?" JC asked. 
	"I don't know," Justin answered. 
	"Do you want me to?"
	"No. You don't want to. Not now at least…" Justin rubbed at his eyes. "She wouldn't even let me sleep. I'm so tired." 
	"You come with us after this then."
	Justin sighed and shrugged. 
	"Why's she so mad?" Chris asked. "I mean... I know, but..." 
	"Because I'm so stupid," Justin answered.
	"Don't say that," JC objected.
	"She said that."	
	"Well, she's just mad."
	"Because of that," Justin answered. "I don't even remember… What'd I do last night?"
	"You were just really out of it…" Joey began.
	"And how'd she find out?"
	"She came over and noticed… You screamed in the hallway and she came over to see what the nosie was."
	"I screamed in the hallway? Why?"
	"I don't know. You tell us." 
	"What other kind of stuff was I doing?" Justin persisted.
	"You were…" Chris answered. "Kinda funny, actually, looking back…" 
	Justin frowned. "It's not funny."
	"Oh, you know what I meant."
	Steve came over at that point from the bathroom, wiping his hands off on his jeans. He pulled up a seat as well, glanced at Justin, and offered a sympathetic smirk before saying, "Joe... If you think Ma is bad... Like remember that night in high school when they found out about the party over Labor Day Weekend? Multiply that by ten."
	"No..." Joey laughed. "No way." 
	"Yup. Lynn is one crazy lady." Steve had spent the whole ride so far feeling awkward just sitting there as Justin's parents lectured him. 
	"Shut up," Justin began.
	"I can't see it," Joey said. "She's so cool about everything else. The fact that you even are here. She let you do stuff at fourteen that my mother had a hard time letting me do now."
 	"Shut up," Justin persisted. When they quieted, he looked at Chris and then said, "And no. I don't know what you meant."
	"About?" Chris had lost track of the conversation.
	"Why you said it was kinda funny. It's not funny at all." 
	Chris sighed. "It's over. You will never take whatever you took again. And most likely, you won't go out with us again for a long time either."
	"What did I take and where did I get it from?"
	"Again, you tell us," Joey answered. 
	Justin shook his head. "I remember nothing, alright? Absolutely nothing. And now my mother… She's having a heart attack about it." 
	"She think you were drunk or high or what?"
	"Drunk."
	"Well, that's good then, huh?" Joey asked. 
	Justin looked at him skeptically. 
	"She'd be madder if you were high."
	"I was high. Apparently." 
	"Well, if she doesn't know that." 
	"What was I doing?" Justin persisted, feeling kind of self-conscious about the whole ordeal and really insecure about the lack of memory. "Really? Was I that weird?"
	"You were something," Chris answered. "One hyper shit, that's all I know. And we were all exhausted. And you were all up in everything." 
	"You really don't remember?" JC asked.
	"Not really…" Justin answered. "I just remember being at the club... And then it gets fuzzy, and then nothing. Like my memory comes back at me waking up this morning." 
	"Well, as long as you're back. We were wondering how we'd do this interview today if you weren't…" 
	Justin frowned. "Are you going to hold this against me?"
	JC yawned and then shook his head. "Let's not worry about that now."
	"You are, aren't you?" Justin insisted. "Am I like never ever going to do anything with you guys again?"
	"I wouldn't necessarily say never…" Chris began. He laughed. "Never's kind of harsh, you know. Just a long time." 
	"I didn't do anything," Justin began, suddenly frustrated. The guys never wanted to bring him out, and now they had, and he'd screwed it all up. "It's like… I don't even remember. But why would I do that? Now I'm a big hassle? Now you don't want to bring me out again? I didn't do it on purpose. Like you said, people just trick you."
	"Let's not worry about it now," JC said again.
	"Then when are we going to worry about it?" Justin replied. "If you're not going to forget about it, then I want to worry about it now. Not later. Tell me the truth. Now you don't want to bother with me." 
	"Justin, don't get yourself worked up… Let's just eat lunch. Then ask Mom if you can come with us." 
	"You tell her I am."
	"I can't do that."
	"You have to. She listens to you. She won't listen to me, instead she just keeps lecturing." 
	"Well, you can tell her you're coming with us for the rest of the ride."
	"No... I can't..."
	JC rolled his eyes. For someone who was usually so obnoxious is doing his own thing, Justin was suddenly afraid to even change vans. His meekness made JC give in. "Fine. You really want me to?"
	"Yeah." Justin nodded. "And, JC, don't ask her. Just tell her, okay?"
	JC agreed slowly. Then he just sighed. "God. Why me?"
*******
	JC approached her after they finished eating. Joey and Justin went to use the bathroom and he saw Lynn was just finishing a cup of coffee. So he walked over and sat down across from her.
	"Hey, Lynn…" he began.
	She looked up and acknowledged him, styrofoam cup to her lips. She put it down gently on the table. "Hello, JC." Her voice was a bit even, without her normal friendliness, and he immediately knew this wasn't going to be as easy as he'd hoped.
	"I know you're upset about last night…"
	"You have that right."
	"None of us expected anything to happen. And nothing did happen, you know―"
	"Nothing happened? You call that state he was in last night nothing, JC? I'm disappointed in you. All of you. In more than one way."
	He sighed, clenching one hand in the other in his lap nervously. Had Justin really dealt with this the whole car-ride as of yet? "Lynn. I know. But we were watching him. I'm really sorry, but we were looking out for him." 
	"Not enough. And if you can't, then maybe a child shouldn't be at places like that then, JC."
	He's not a child anymore, JC wanted to say. But he knew he shouldn't. "I know. Lynn, I'm sorry. He―"
	"I trust your judgment, JC. I've always trusted you and you know that. You've known him a very long time. But I'm disappointed."
	"I know. I didn't expect this at all. And if he was with someone else and this happened I'd be just as upset as you are, Lynn, so I know. He means more than anything to me, you know that."
	She took another sip of her coffee. "He doesn't even remember last night."
	JC nodded, biting his lip. "I know."
	"But I didn’t appreciate the way you were ushering me out last night. I'm his mother. I should know. He always talks to me, and I don't want things hidden from me."
	"I know, Lynn. But he was fine. We just... The end of the night... But he's fine this morning. He just needs some sleep and he's good."
	"There's so much…" Lynn folded her hands on the table. "Between this lifestyle… and everything else that's new to him this year… School in a hotel room. Getting up at ungodly hours and then not going to bed. Eating on the run. Not having any friends his age. Being put in the spotlight constantly. JC, he's just a teenager. He can't have all that and partying and… How can that possibly be good for him?"
	"He doesn't party," JC answered. "And he's always had a different life, Lynn. He's special like that. And he can handle it. He's handled everything else before."
	Lynn nodded. "I'm so afraid of something happening. This is a big job he has."
	"I know. We all have it. We watch him."
	"He's not growing up like I grew up. I don't know how to... I don't know what he's learning." 
	"I know." 
	"JC, he trusts you more than anything. I think he trusts you more than me… and that scares me. But I know you mean the world to him, and the other guys have been good looking out for him and for each other…"
	"We do." JC nodded. He didn't feel it necessary to persist that everybody goes through a drinking or drugs for the first time event. Well, most people. "Lynn, it'll never happen again, okay?"
	She sighed.
	"It was this mistake. A big mistake. And… He's fine. And he's learned from it and we've learned from it."
	"So you came over here to apologize?"
	He smiled. "Yeah… And to ask for him back. For the ride."
	"You miss him or you're saving him?" She smirked. "You think I've lectured him enough?"
	"More than," JC answered. "Thanks, Lynn…"
	"Take care of him, okay? I trust you. I can't follow him around. I'm just his mother." 
	JC nodded. He finished up with her quickly and when he returned to his own table, Joey and Justin had returned and they were looking at him expectantly. 
	"So?" Justin asked as he sat down on the edge of a chair.
	"You better thank me," JC answered.
	"See, I told you." Joey tousled Justin's curls. "Mothers just freak like that and then they're fine."
	"But you're never coming with us again," Chris replied.
	"Yeah," JC agreed. "I promised her it wouldn't happen again." 
	"But―" Justin objected.
	"Wait, I can still go, right?" Lance interrupted.
	"Sure," Joey answered. "You're the man― You don't do stupid stuff."
	"Wait, but that―" Justin started.
	"Lance is smooth," Joey replied. "Justin, you… You just, no matter what, like…"
	"You're a walking catastrophe," Chris supplied.
	"No, that makes it sound like he's klutzy, and he's not… He's more like…"
	"A magnet for annoyance?"
	"That's a little better."
	"That's not fair," Justin began. "
	"You're not even legal in the States to club and drink," Joey reminded.
	Justin huffed in annoyance. "Neither are you. You're twenty."
	"And you're sixteen. Your point?"
	"That it's not fair."
	"Justin, you've had your fair share of alcohol and God knows what this week. Why don’t you walk fifteen feet that way and go tell your mom it's not fair," Joey persisted. "In fact, I bet she's listening to you complaining right now and is going to change her mind."
	"You lie about everything."
	"You know, you called me a liar last night too. What's that about? When did I lie to you?"
	"Right now." 
	JC cleared his throat and laughed. "Alright, guys... Let's get going…"
*******
	"I was thinking."
	JC took a swig of the bottle of water he had in his hand. It was ice cold and it tasted incredible to his dry throat. They were in Munich recording the song 'Forever Young' for the album and they had just gotten a break. "Congratulations." He looked at Justin for the first time and was clearly told by the other's expression that his sarcasm was not appreciated.
	"Thanks," Justin answered him briskly.
	JC took another sip of water. "Justin, the water's good. You grab a bottle? Over there." He screwed the cap back on his own.  
	Justin chewed on his lip, still looking thoughtful.
	"But feel free to tell me whatever you're thinking about," JC laughed. 
	"I was thinking about our names." Justin tugged the water bottle out of JC's hand. 
	"Our names?" JC grabbed the water back before Justin could take the cap off. He'd been expecting Justin's answer to be a little deeper. "Get your own."
	"Yeah, like how all our names can be shortened except for mine."
	"Justin―"
	"See?"
	"Do I see what?" JC walked the few feet himself and grabbed Justin a water bottle, throwing it at him. "Here, lazy."
	Justin caught it with a blink. "See, my name?"
	"Justin. What about it?"
	"It doesn't have a shortened version."
	"Just."
	"No." Justin frowned. "Joseph is Joey, 'Lansten' is Lance or even James can be Jim. Christopher is Chris. And you can be JC or Jayce or Josh or C. See, you've got a lot." His frown deepened and he sighed.
	"This is what you were thinking about? You were that bored?"
	"JC, this is serious."
	"Justin. Please. Serious my ass. What do you want? A nickname? You've got a million." 
	"A million, huh?" Justin arched an eyebrow. "But my name can't be shortened."
	"Yes it can. Just."
	"No, that doesn't count."
	"You answer to that."
	Justin opened his water and took a sip. He looked at JC challengingly.
	JC smirked. "You're such a baby. You're this serious about it, huh? Well, blame your parents. They named you, not me. What do you want me to do about it?"
	"I don't know. I was thinking about it."
	"So it's one more thing that's unfair. Just like the fact you can't get high anymore isn't fair."
	"JC, I didn't―" Justin looked at him impatiently. "You're so dense."
	JC laughed.
	"You still think it's my fault."
 	"Oh, of course not, sweetheart," JC laughed as he replied sarcastically. 
	"You would." Justin's voice was bitter.
	JC sobered. "I don't. I know you didn't do it. Wrong place, wrong time, and so on, right?"  
	"Why would I do it?"
	"It's over. Hey! What about J? I always say J. Isn't that a shortened version?"
	"No. Because it's not the conventional way to― You know how some names just automatically have shortened versions? Like you'd never call a Joseph Joseph. You call him Joey or Joe." 
	"Is there a written law that you can't call people by their full names? Some people want to be called by their full names."
	"Okay, you don't get it. Just shut up."
	JC laughed again. "I mean if it said in the Constitution―"
	"Shut up." 
	JC smirked. "Okay, J."
******
	"Lance, hungry?" Joey asked.
	Lance gave an affirmative. "Yeah."
	"You hungry?" Joey asked, tapping Justin's foot as he walked by. 
	"Always," Justin answered, lying on the hotel bed with his eyes closed. "Joseph."
	"Huh?" 
	Justin opened his eyes to find Joey looked at him weird. "What?"
	"You said my name funny… You said Joseph." Joey was holding a phone book. He dropped it on the foot of the bed. He glanced at the two in front of the TV. "Chris, you hungry too? JC?"
	"I am." 
	"Me too."
	"What are you ordering, Joseph?" Justin persistently with a sudden glint in his eye.
	Joey smirked and reached to flick Justin's foot with his finger. "Why are you calling me that?"
	"Joshua says people prefer to be called by their full names."
	"Not me. I think of my dad when you say Joseph." 
	"Oh, really. See, Joshua?" Justin began. "What do you think, Christopher?"
	"I think that if you call me Christopher again you'll get your ass beat," Chris answered. "Justin Randall."
	"Hm," Justin answered blandly. "Isn't this interesting, Joshua? James, I'd suppose you feel the same?"
	"Don't even." Lance laughed.
	"Justin," JC began, rubbing at his chin. "I never said everyone liked it. I just said some people. Like… I had a friend named Debra and she'd knock you out if you call her Debby or Deb."
	"A girl could knock you out?" Justin answered. 
	"Ever heard of an exaggeration?"
	"No…" Justin smirked.  
	"You sound snobby when you call people by their full names," Joey answered. "We sound like a bunch of assholes."
	"Where did this come from?" Lance asked, a bit confused. "The whole name thing?"
	"Justin's boredom creates a lot of things," JC explained. 
	"Unfortunately nothing productive," Chris muttered. 
	"It was a valid thought," Justin objected.
	"Mm. Yes. I'm sure it was," JC agreed sarcastically.
	"I could complain that all of your names start with J and mine doesn't," Chris began.
	Justin rolled his eyes. "Fine. Complain about it."
	"My point is I'm just not that petty."
	"I'm not petty," Justin objected. "Anyway, Joey, what are you getting to eat?"
	"Pizza," Joey answered. "I wonder if it'd be any good? Or if they deliver... You guys don't feel like walking around, do you?"
	"Not particularly," Chris said with an apologetic smirk. "I'm feeling pretty lazy..." 
	"I'll walk with you to find a place to get it," Lance answered. "If they don't deliver, I mean. But in general, I could kinda use a break from this room."
	"Good luck ordering toppings on a pizza when they don't speak English," Justin responded.
	"What happened to that good dictionary you got?" Joey responded. "Remember the German/English dictionary? You could have become our translator."
	"Not likely." Justin yawned. "Ich ist. That's all I really remember."
	"What good are you to us?"
	"Absolutely none. Besides Chris was learning more of it than I was."
	"Well, most of the places we've been to, you can get by without the language." Lance shrugged. 
	"Hey, do you guys think that today was good enough?" JC asked suddenly.
	"Today?" Chris asked with some hesitation. "What do you mean?"
	"I mean for the recording? I don't like the fact that it's a one day, one shot thing. I mean, sorry to change the subject and all..."
	"It sounded good," Joey answered. "Once they finish editing and do the mix. It's good."
	"Good and great are entirely different things."
	"I meant great," Joey persisted. "I really did. They were pleased at the studio, don't you think?"
	"Sometimes I wonder…"
	"Well, do you have any idea how busy our schedule is this week?" Lance answered. "I mean, even if you had the most concrete knowledge that the recording sucked… We could do nothing at this point."
	"Lance, don't be pessimistic to him," Justin objected. "JC, it was really good."
	"Sometimes I just think that with studio time being expensive they just rush us out of there before it's as good as it could be."
	"That's not true," Joey said, shaking his head. "JC, come on..." 
	"I don't know." JC shrugged. 
	Justin gave him a look. "Don't think about that. Especially at this time of night. You'll keep yourself up all night thinking about it."
	JC shrugged and looked unmoved. "Yeah. I'm sure it's fine. You know me..." 
	"I'm positive it was," Chris agreed. 
********
	It was a Monday. Freiburg was west of Munich and closer to France according to their driver, when they asked where in the world they were going. They had a cool bus for this run, where they would be participating in the Radio Regenbogen-Festival at various locations. But none of them seemed to care about the bus like they once had. It was just another way for them to get to the places that made up their ridiculous schedule. 
	Justin told himself that the bus was pretty cool. The driver was nice. He spoke English really well and knew some good jokes. Justin comforted himself from the lack of enthusiasm from the guys by thinking that the whole bus deal would be more exciting to the guys when they had their own tour. 
	He didn't know what would be different then. Not exactly. But something had to be. This was just still stepping stones, this festival. 
	It was weird because none of the guys looked happy. Justin didn't think he looked very happy either, as he took a seat near the others when they filed onto the bus and dropped their bags and various belongings in different places, attempting to claim some of their own territory.
	Joey's brother had just left the day earlier to fly back to Orlando. It reminded them that they would be flying back themselves in just a little over a week. Watching him leave that day, Joey simply had a sad look on his face and was quiet for most of the day. Having his brother around, as busy as they'd been, really was a boost for him. 
	Lance was also hit that week with a stronger than usual batch of homesickness himself, spending a lot of time and likely a lot of money on the phone with various family members, usually in a hushed voice as though he wanted to hide his gloominess from the rest of the guys. As though it wasn't obvious in his slumped shoulders and morose face. Even Joey, who was usually the one to make him laugh, was looking to tired to offer contagious enough smiles. 
	So now, thinking about how it really wasn't far away until they got to see the States again, Justin decided to talk about it. Bringing it up would surely be something for them to feel better about. Home, and just as importantly, catching up on sleep, was just around the corner.
	He wasn't exactly sure when they could go, but he knew it was soon. On the bus, they were cramped together watching an old movie as they made their drive towards the first part of the festival. Justin decided to bring up his thoughts of Florida, and asked if they weren't going home in just a little while.
	No one answered. 
	"Anyone?" Justin persisted. "Anyone?" They had recently watched Ferris Bueller. "Bueller?" 
	"Oh, shut up," was Joey's answer. He leaned his head back, yawning loudly. "Shut up."
	Usually the guys each had their moods. But now they all seemed moody. And none of the festival had even started. 
	"You don't have to be so temperamental," Justin said irritably. Joey was sitting right next to him with his eyes closed and Justin wanted to hit him. He in fact felt just as irritable, but he had decided to try to be nice at least. Now, the lack of friendliness started to rub off on him as well. He wasn't going to make an effort to be in a good mood if none of them would. 
	"I'm going to take a nap," JC started as he stood up and headed towards the bunks of the bus. It was almost a retreat from what he felt would be a hostile environment. He was probably right. Justin was tired too, but he had checked out the bunks earlier, and hadn't been impressed with them, deciding maybe it would be better later when he was really tired at a normal bedtime. But JC always napped. 
	"But isn't it just over a week we go home?" Justin asked. Again. Because no one seemed to care and he didn't know why. Only Joey had answered, and not so nicely.
	"Shut up," Joey said again. 
	"You shut up." 
	"Yeah, I think it's like a week and a half," Lance finally answered, simply out of exasperation. He knew Justin would keep asking until he found out. "But as you'll see, it doesn't really matter because this week is going to feel like a month."
	"Why?"
	"Because. Haven't you looked at the amount of shows and where they are?"
	"No," Justin admitted. 
	"Well, why don't you look at it yourself sometime instead of constantly asking us..."
	"Because I know you look at it and eventually tell me."
	"It's annoying."
	"No. It's more practical for me." 
	"I'm still convinced you can't read."
	Justin picked up the closest thing to him and threw it across the small room at Lance. Ironically it was a book, and it hit Lance's leg before falling to the ground.
	"That's mature," Lance said, rubbing at his leg where it hit.
	"So's telling me I can't read."
	"Prove otherwise and I'll stop."
	"Will you guys quit fightin?" Chris asked. "JC was the smart one leaving the room. You two are arguing about nothing."
	"I wasn't even saying anything until he woudn't stop asking," Lance objected. 
	"Go take a nap, Justin," Joey said.
	"I don't want to," Justin answered. "I'm not tired."
	"Well, then stop talking." 
	Justin made a face. Joey still had his eyes closed and Justin reached over and flicked him in the ear with his pointer finger. "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Lance."
	Joey caught Justin's hand in his own and opened his eyes. "Want me to break your finger?"
	"No." Justin slipped his hand out of the grasp and crossed his arms over his chest.
	"Then shut up and keep your hands to yourself." 
	"Stop being an ass, Joe," Chris said, elbowing Joey from his other side. "He didn't do anything. You look like you're the one that needs the nap." 
	"I do," Joey admitted. "But I also don't want to move."
	"Oh, what a condundrum..." Chris answered sarcastically. "Stop giving him a hard time. It's worse." 
	"What's condundrum?" Justin asked.
	"It's a person who asks stupid questions," Lance replied.
	Joey laughed. "Ouch. Burn." 
	Justin felt stupid and frowned. He suddenly felt just as irritable as Joey and wasn't sure how to respond. There were just certain thing he didn't know, and it felt like the guys always went out of their way to find those things out and make him feel so uneducated. 
	Justin knew they were busy but he'd kind of thought that time would go by a little more quickly than that. Sometimes being busy did that. But Lance at least seemed to think the complete opposite. He said the next week would feel like a month, and that was nothing to look forward to. 
	Joey looked at Justin's expression and eventually said, "Sorry, man," with a pat on the head. "I just have a headache." 
	Justin just wanted to relax. He wanted Joey to be in a good mood, and for Chris to want to do something weird and funny. But none of them were doing anything. "Someone want to play a game?"
	"What kind of game?" Lance asked.
	"I don't know." Justin scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Anything. I've got cards." 
	"I'm too lazy to even play cards..." Joey sighed. "How pathetic is that?"
	"Pretty pathetic, actually," Lance admitted.
	"Yeah, I thought so..."
	"Maybe Chris is right and you should take a nap."
	"Maybe..." Joey made no effort to get up.
	"When is this God damn bus going to move?" Chris asked as he peered out the window. "We're just sitting here. What are we waiting for?" 
	"It's traffic," Joey answered. 
	"Why'd we leave at such a God awful hour if we were just going to hit fucking traffic anyway."
	Justin paused. "Maybe it was an accident or something."
	"I don't care," Chris answered. "We need to move."
	Justin shrugged at him. "Well, maybe you should ask to drive."
	Chris eyed him, wondering if he was trying to be funny and ready to tell him it wasn't at all even close to a joke, but Justin's expression looked rather bored. "I'd drive if he let me. I've never driven a bus before. I've driven a van... I imagine that's close."
	"Or not close at all," Joey told him.
	Chris shrugged. 
*******
	Lou spoke to them when they got to Freiburg. Joey listened to him patiently. All Lou was doing was reminding them how much work they had to do. And how important that work was. Joey wanted to say that they knew all of that already, and that they could save themselves the time of this speech by doing something more productive. But he didn't. Instead he noticed that as usual the obese man focused most of his attention on JC and Justin. Joey was used to that by now. Most people looked solely at JC and Justin. JC just had that enigmatic glow and Justin's shine was hard to miss. And so together they just blew most people away. 
	He wondered if they knew it.
	The rest of them certainly knew it.
	Maybe JC and Justin were so used to being in the spotlight that it didn't even cross their minds anymore that it would be otherwise. 
	"Does it bother you?" he asked Chris in a low voice when Justin and Lance had gone to get something to drink and JC was talking to one of the stage crew.
	"What?" Chris asked. 	
	"Don't you notice how…" Joey didn't want to sound stupid. Or bitter. He definitely wasn't. He didn't think he was, anyway. "It's always…" 
	"The J's?"
	"The J's," Joey agreed with a smirk.
	"Does it bother me?" Chris shrugged. "I'm not surprised if that's what you mean. I saw you looking at them before so I figured that's what you were thinking about."
	"I'm not trying to sound…" Joey began. "I was wondering if I was the only one that noticed."
	"I'm not blind."
	"Yeah..." 
	"How can you not notice when those two collectively sing about ninety-five percent of the album?" Chris replied.
	Joey shrugged. "Not that I'm complaining, but yeah."  
	"You can complain if you want." 
	"I mean, they deserve it. Look at them. Listen to them."
	"I knew when I… See I called a bunch of guys about this group. And Justin was the one that called back interested. Which was good because he was the one I really remembered. So I knew he'd squeeze himself to the front to make sure he was the one remembered by others too."
	"Yeah."
	"And he squeezes right in there sometimes I think without even knowing it. It's like his instinct."
	"I know what you mean." Joey nodded.
	"And with JC. Well obviously. JC is like Justin reincarnated but with a hell of a lot more sense and attention span. A little more polished, but I think that might be almost a tie soon." 
	Joey studied Chris. It seemed like the man had thought a lot about it too. 
	Chris shrugged. "So no, it doesn't bother me. I guess I kind of expected it. I know what you mean though― Lou acted like they were the only two there."
	"Exactly." 
	"Does it really bother you?"
	"I think I'm getting used to it," Joey responded. "I won't say I'm not a little bit jealous…"
	"You know what I'm jealous of?" Chris began. "Not their spotlight."
	"What?"
	"Them. Just in general. There's some connection they have. JC doesn't just take care of Justin ― it's reciprocal. And it hasn't changed since day one and I don't think it ever will. It must be nice to have that."
	Joey nodded slowly, acknowledging it. "Yeah… But we've all got that."
	"Not like them. We're all family. But for them it's like their… entwined or something. Soul mates."
	"Chris…"
	"It's true. You wanted to know. That's what I know." Chris shrugged. "It doesn't bother me. It's another thing they don't do it on purpose. It's like they're actual blood brothers." 
	Joey thought about it for a second. JC took Justin. And Joey himself usually latched onto Lance, pulling him under his wing. Where did that leave Chris? It wasn't as though Chris was left out or anything. It was never like they secluded him. But in retrospect, it almost seemed like that. Despite Justin's constant games with Chris and the connection they shared as the goofy ones, it was nothing like the connection Justin had with JC. And even though Joey hung out with Chris all the time and shared being old buddies, and Lance joked with him, it didn't change the fact that Joey had taken Lance under his wing to break him out of his shell. To change him from that shy, inward southern boy that they'd first met. 	
	Chris was the ham though. He held them all together in that way. He would entertain when there seemed to be nothing to do. It wasn"t like he was an outsider.
	"Stop it," Chris said.
	Joey blinked and looked at him. Chris was frowning. "Stop what?" Joey asked.
	"Thinking," Chris answered. "It's bad."
	"But―"
	"I got you thinking, I know. But whatever it is you're thinking about, it probably isn't worth your time. Unless it's about the performance in a few hours. That is worth time." 
	Joey smiled. "Yeah." 
	"Just a little over a week." Chris remembered Justin's words. "Back in Orlando." He looked at Joey. "Only to work more."
	"But on our own tour."
	"Very true, man." 
	"That'll be the difference."
	"Yeah, I hope so." 
*******
	That night of the festival went very well. The crowd went wild with their performance, screaming and chanting their name. They sang along and made it so real it was almost scary. It was true once again that no matter how tired they were, how frustrated they were, and how at wit's end with each other, there was something so redeeming in having a good performance that it almost wiped the slate clean. They felt as though they were one of the best acts of the set of the show. 
	"Too loud," was what Justin thought and said when he got onto the bus with the other guys. "Way too loud."
	"No such thing as too loud," Joey objected.
	"My ears are ringing," Justin replied.
	"Did you have earpiece in right?"
	"Yeah.... I think." Justin just shook his head. "It wasn't that." 
	"Well I thought that was great," Chris responded, pumped by the entire night. "I wish we didn't have to end it on the bus. Anyone want a drink? I’m getting drinks." He went towards the small refrigerator.
	JC collapsed on the couch beside Joey. "Me." 
	"Yeah," Joey agreed. "Me too." 
	Justin walked over to the couch and sat down as well. "Can I put my legs up?" he asked. Yet before waiting for the answer he went ahead and turned in his seat to lift his legs up and stretch them across JC's lap.
	JC grunted and then simply rested his elbows on top of Justin's legs. "Your ears still ringing?"
	"Yes."
	"Come on. It wasn't that bad."
	"I think I've lost hearing. I have the baddest headache."
	"Worst." 
	"It is the worst," Justin mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.
	"Baddest," Joey echoed with a laugh. "Justin, your feet smell."
	"No, they don't." 
	"They kind of do."
	"Well, then take them off."
	"I don't want to take them off for you. I also don't want to smell your socks."
	Justin grimaced. Not at Joey's comment but at his actually headache. He rubbed at his temples. He was sure the guys thought he was just complaining, but there had been something tonight, whether it was the bass or the accoustics or something.
	"Why don't you take some Tylenol?" JC suggested, rubbing Justin's curly head.
	"Okay. When I get up." Justin yawned. 
	"That was such a good crowd," Lance began."Did you see that girl in the front that knew all the words?"
	"I know, tell me about it," Joey agreed. "They were really cool. I wonder if the whole festival will be like that."
	"So is it soda or beer?" Chris asekd. "Because we don't have much beer."
	"I'll have soda," Lance said.
	"Soda," Joey said.
	"Alright, well two votes are enough," Chris answered as he handed out cans of cold soda. "And with the festival, I think it will be like that, because I think we've been getting a lot of airplay, so people definitely know the songs."
	"It's pretty cool," Lance admitted. 

	Justin popped the top of his cap open to take a long sip. "Yeah, it's cool when they sing along." The soda was truly cold and soothed his throat. "Mm, thanks, Chris."
	"Where are we headed to?" Joey asked. 
	"Who knows," JC responded with a sigh. "As long as we can sleep before we get there."
	"Yeah, we should probably make it an early night..." Chris leaned against the wall. "Not that I'm anything but psyched right not about the show, but it's going to be pretty God damn busy. As Johnny put it, we won't even know where we are half the time this week."
	"But even if you did know, it probably wouldn't make a difference because most likely I wouldn't have heard of the place before."
	Lance laughed. "Yeah. Geography's not your forte, Joe."
	"I'll be the first to admit it." 
	"You know," Chris began, looking at each of them. "It's kind of ironic that I just said we should all try to call it an early night and then handed out caffeine..."
	"Yeah..." JC laughed. "Idiot."
******** 
	The next week and a half flew by. The festival continued and then finally wrapped up in Basel, Switzerland on the tenth, the same day that 'Tearin' Up My Heart' was released as a single. Then after another day of doing the TV show Interaktiv in Cologne, and two days of recording 'More Than a Feeling' under Jaap Eggermont, they were almost ready to go home. 
	They flew to Slovenia and did more PR photos and interviews. Then finally, home.
	Orlando had never seemed so nice. The trees, the noise, the lights, and even the rain that greeted them when they stepped out of the airport, all seemed beautiful. 
	Justin wanted to kiss the ground he was walking on when he walked up the driveway to his house. The past week or so had been so busy he thought that he would die of exhaustion. Every time it had felt as though they had finished one huge task, another was scheduled immediately after. 
	It had been hell. But it had also been magnificent because there were so many fans and so many people loved them. They screamed after them and sang the words to the songs. They knew their names. They held signs. It bothered Justin when they got closer to him though. To him there was the stage and the audience. He didn't want it to get mixed up. He was happy they were home for a little while.
	"Honey, you should go to bed," his mother said when they got home. "You look exhausted."
	"I am." It wasn't nighttime, but he probably would go to bed. Except, he wanted to see his house first. He went in every room, remembering the details. He saw things his mother had changed before she had come back to Germany to be with him. 
	"Justin, come on," JC said to him. 
	"In a minute." He was only in the living room. 
	JC watched Justin, following him quietly. It wasn't until Justin opened the closets that he rolled his eyes. "What are you doing, pal?"
	"I forgot stuff."
	"I bet you didn't know what the closet looked like before you left either."
	"Look, American food." Justin opened the pantry when he reached the kitchen. "English words…"
	"Nice."
	"Goldfish…" Justin reached in and grabbed the box. 
	JC shook his head. "Justin, come on."
	Justin put the box back and started away from the pantry. "Outside."
	JC closed the pantry door and followed Justin tiredly, feeling as though he would fall asleep on his feet. The time change still felt weird to him and he felt disorientated. He just wanted to get to bed.
	"Guys," Lynn called from the other room as Justin was unlocking the back door. "I'm going out to get some food. Because the fridge is obviously completely empty from us being away." 
	JC looked up as she entered the room. "You must be exhausted though, Lynn. How can you go now?"
	"Yeah, but I need to get it over with. I'm not going to want to do it later." Lynn watched Justin open the door and go outside to the backyard. She gave JC a look. "Watch him, will you?"
	JC laughed. "Will do."
	"I don't think he even knows what country he's in right now." 
	"I don't think any of us do"
	"True. But watch him anyway, okay? Well I shouldn't be too long. Maybe an hour. You guys should try to take a nap or something."
	"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea." JC nodded. Then he told her good-bye before following Justin to outside. Justin was just standing there and JC approached him slowly. Justin's back was facing him so he couldn't see his expression. However, when he got closer and walked in front of him, he realized Justin's eyes were closed. 
	JC started to laugh. "Well, somebody's tired…" 
	Justin's eyes opened and shot towards JC with a glare. "Shut up. You are too." 
	"I am. I'll admit it. Don't tell me to shut up." 
	"Alright."
	"Why don't you get some rest? It's been a long day, a long flight..." 
	"I will. I just... I can't go to sleep before I see everything."
	"It will still be here tomorrow."
	"Yeah, I know. But still... I just need to take it all in. So that I can convince myself I'm back."
	"Doesn't the stamp on your passport prove that to you?"
	Justin rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
	"I guess." JC poked him in the ribs teasingly, making Justin edge away with a laugh. "I just think that you're too tired to really take it all in now anyway."
	"I want to anyway. Where'd Mom go?"
	"I think to the grocery store. Which I think is insane."
	"God, she can never stop." Justin shook her head. "She always needs to be doing something."
	"Hm, that sounds familiar..." JC poked him again.
	Justin laughed again. "Stop." He pushed him.
	"Oh, pushing me, now, huh?" JC pushed him back, a little bit harder. 
	"I leave you guys for twenty minutes and what do I get?"
	JC paused, to look up and see Chris standing just about fifteen feet away. "Hey."
	"I ran into Lynn in the driveway and she said you two were out here― Why would I have placed money on you two being zonked out in bed instead?" 
	"Almost," Justin admitted as JC tickled him again. "Stop, JC..."
	JC stepped away from him and then frowned at Chris. "Whattaya up to?" 
	"I thought I'd spend the night at Joe's," Chris replied. "What about you two?"
	"Ooh." Justin nodded. "That's a good plan. I wanna go to Joey's."
	"You're exhausted…" JC told him. "A minute ago you were going to go to bed." 
	"So?" 
	"He might not want you to come anyway…" Chris gave a secretive smile. "Joe and I were planning a little bit of a way to enjoy being back in town…"
	JC frowned but then just gave a smirk. "Chris… You do realize we start tour rehearsals tomorrow."
	"Uh-huh." Chris grinned. 
	"So you and Joe are planning something?" JC raised his eyebrows. "Just you guys?" 
	"We might invite some other people. Lance was coming. I know Kelly's already at Joey's." 
	"Why aren't we invited?" Justin asked.
	"Why do you think I'm over here?" Chris rolled his eyes.
	"To tell us that we're not invited, probably," Justin replied. 
	Chris laughed. "You know, I wish I was that much of an ass. But just so you know, it's not really going to be the party of the year or anything," Chris began. "I'm not even sure it'll be anything... But I figure... We'll see what people want to do, you know? But if you go to sleep instead, I'm pretty sure you won't miss much."
	"I'm too awake to sleep," Justin answered.
	"Well, you always have to be awake in order to go to sleep," JC pointed out.
	"Stop trying to be philosophical." Justin shook his head. "But I don't want to sleep now, anyway. Let's go to Joey's," he persisted.
	"What about Lynn..." JC started. "You think she was planning on making dinner or something?"
	"I don't know."
	"I don't want her to come back and be surprised we're gone."
	"She won't be."
	"You're so sure of that..." JC rolled his eyes. "But I think she's more expecting to come back and find us in bed." 
	"I mean, maybe..." Justin shrugged. "We can leave a note."
	"Or... You can stay here." 
	Chris chuckled. "I like that idea too."
	"Hey..." Justin objected. "What's with the hate?" 
	"Like I said, you won't miss much." 
	Justin's stance became defensive. "I can go where I want." 
	"How about where you're wanted?" JC asked.
	Justin rolled his eyes and gave him an exasperated look. "Come on. Stop being a dick. Let's just go, and I'll leave my mom a note." 
	"You'd think we would be sick of each other by now," Chris began. "I mean, we just spent how long crammed together on a bus or in miniscule hotel rooms, and now we have our chance to spread out and do our own thing, and look at us."
	"No, actually I think sick of each other is a pretty good way to put it," JC said, pointing at Justin although he was being discrete about it.
	"Ouch..." Chris smirked. 
	"Hey..." Justin objected again. "That street goes both ways, you know."
	"Well, then you'll enjoy just hanging out here with your mom as I go to Joey's with Chris," JC laughed. 
	Justin just sighed. "Not funny." 
	JC gave Chris a look of amusement before turning back to Justin. "Okay... You can come if you want, Justin."
	"Well, that's nice and all but you don't have to tell me if I can or not." Justin crossed his arms over his chest. "If I want to, I'll go." 
	"Oh, excuse me, big man on campus... I forgot who I was talk to." 
	"So are you guys coming or what?" Chris asked as he glanced at the watch on his wrist "And remind me that I told Joe I'd pick up ice while I was out. I always forget what I come out for."
	"Ice. Got it." JC nodded.
	"I'll write my mom a note," Justin said. "And I kinda wanna change after wearing these clothes for the last 24 hours." 
	"That's not a terrible idea," JC agreed. 
	"As long as you guys hurry up," Chris replied. 
******
	After writing a quick note to his mom leaving Joey's number and changing into new clothes, Chris, JC, and Justin were on their way. They remembered their ice and finally got to Joey's. Justin walked straight towards the couch that he knew was very comfortable and sat down, glad that Lance was sitting in another chair and not on his beloved couch. His excitement from before at the house had dwindled during the car ride over and he'd felt his fatigue again begin to set in. He was going to try to fight it. After all, they were home. He wanted to enjoy being home. 
	"I didn't think you two were going to come," Joey admitted as he patted JC on the back and gave a look towards Justin.
	"I didn't either," JC answered with a grin. "Our original plan was to sleep, so I don't know how long we'll last."
	"Justin's already fading," Lance pointed out with a laugh. 
	"Now he is." JC glanced at the kid on the couch, who had leaned into the cushions and looked rather complacent. "And he was the one who insisted sleeping was overrated." 
	"Did you get the ice?" Joey asked.
	"Oh, yeah," Chris said. "It's in the trunk. I forgot it. But at least I remembered to get it."
	"I'll get it," Joey offered. "Gimme your keys."
	Chris tossed his car keys over to Joey, who caught them and started for the door. Then he walked over to the couch and sat down beside Justin. "Buddy…" Chris patted his knee. "What are you doing, man? We were gonna celebrate being back."
	"I'm trying not to think about sleeping, but this couch is just so comfortable..." Justin answered, sliding down in his seat to rest casually and briefly closing his eyes. He opened his eyes and looked at Chris with a smile. "Hey, on the ride here, you promised me beer."
	Chris grinned. "Well, alcohol's a depressant. So if you're tired, which you obviously are..."
	"Only a little." 
	"A little," Chris laughed.
	"If it's any indication, he fell asleep standing up before," JC said as he sat down in the chair beside them. 
	"Who did?" Joey asked as he came back through the front door with the two bags of ice Chris had bought. He pushed the door closed behind him.
	"Justin."
	"You're really that tired?" Joey asked Justin, who had closed his eyes again. "You know, you can go lay down in my bed for a while if you want to nap."
	"I don't want to nap. I want beer," Justin replied.
	Joey laughed. "Well, that's fine, but maybe you should sleep first."
	"The couch is fine." 
	"Yeah, but people might sit on you."
	Justin looked at him patiently. Then he yawned. "I really doubt it, so I'll risk it."
	"Just go to bed," JC told him when he yawned again.
	"Go to bed," Justin echoed.
	"Come on, you'll feel better." 
	"You'll feel better."	 
	"Justin, why do you echo me?" JC persisted. "It's annoying."
	"I’m listening at least," Justin retorted. He made a face. "Right?"
	"I guess," JC admitted.
	"He's smart." Chris laughed. "Justin, that was a good answer."
	"He's a smartass, that's what he is," JC replied.
	"I guess," Justin mimicked.
	"Yeah, it's okay for you to drive me nuts but as soon as I tease you, you get mad," JC answered. "Right?"
	"Right?"
	"God."
	"Gawd."
	"Okay, stop," Chris said as he slipped his hand over Justin's mouth. "It stopped being funny, alright?"
	"It was never funny," JC answered. 
	"Well the offer stands, Justin," Joey began. "You can sleep in my bed. A big bed for yourself. When was the last time you had that?"
	Justin pushed Chris's hand off his face. "I don't know," he admitted. "It's been a while."
	"Where's Kelly?" JC asked. He walked over to sit on Justin's other side, patting his head. 
	"She went out to get some soda and beer," Joey answered. "She told me to stay here."
	"She excited to see you?"
	"Yeah." Joey smiled. 
	"That's sweet."
	"Yeah, women are definitely a lot more... Well, let's just say affectionate... When you've been away for a while." 
 	"Ew," Justin said. "I definitely don't want to nap in your bed now."
	"Someone has a dirty mind," Lance laughed.
	"He's sixteen. Of course he has a dirty mind. I bet you were thinking the same thing," Chris answered. 
	Lance just rolled his eyes. 
	"But anyway," Joey continued. "Jumping to conclusions aside I joked to her that I should go away more often. I really wish we could bring everyone we wanted overseas with us... But I guess that would be expensive and distracting."
	"Yeah, it's tough though," Chris agreed. "It would be nice."
 	"She asked. And I was like, I really don't know... Sometimes we're so busy, but other times... Especially for things like birthdays... Things like that." 
	Justin yawned again and felt his eyes water from the tiredness. He closed his eyes again. "What time do we have to practice tomorrow…?" 
	"Very early," Chris answered. "In just a couple hours."
	Justin opened his eyes. "Really?"
	"Really." 
	"It's not that late…" Justin searched the room for a clock. "What time is it?"
	Lance snickered. "Seven o'clock."
	"Ah…" Justin shook his head. "That's cruel… Trying to get me into bed at seven o'clock…"
	"It's a busy week though," JC began. 
	"We have all rehearsals," Joey said. "And…" He walked over to punch Lance gently in the shoulder. "Someone might graduate."
	Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah."
	"Really?" Chris asked. "You never mentioned that."
	"Honest?" Justin asked. 
	"Yeah," Lance acknowledged. He looked a little unsure about it, a mixture of embarrassment at it being brought up and nervousness. "Probably… I just have to take a test." 
	"We are definitely partying that night," Joey added. "Lance, the day you graduate, we are going to get you so hammered."
	Lance gave him an exasperated look. "Please."
	"We should go to a strip club that night." 
	"I don't think I'd get in."
	"We'll see. I have some buddies with sketch jobs."  
	"That's exciting," Chris began. "Well, I don’t mean the hammered at a trashy club part, I mean the graduating part…" He smirked. "Well, both." 
	"I want to graduate," Justin objected. 
	Joey rolled his eyes. He should have known that Justin would steal Lance's thunder. Not that Lance was excited about it yet, but it was a big accomplishment whether he realized it or not, especially with how busy they were. He patted him on the shoulder again. 
	JC glanced at Justin's rueful expression. "Then you've gotta study."
	"I do."
	"Study more than the cover of the book." 
	"I like social studies," Justin answered. "But in Florida, at least here, when you're sixteen―"
	"You're not dropping out." 
	"You need something to fall back on," Lance said. "That's what my mom always says." 
	"Easy for you to say since you're done," Justin responded irritably. "And you were in high school before we started. So it's easy for you to say." 
	"You want to go to school instead of this?" Chris replied challengingly. 
	"No, I didn't say―"
	"Thought so. So shut up."
	"What we're doing is far more work than high school…" Joey answered. "Trust me… Justin, you're not missing anything."
	"Nothing but really annoying old teachers, lockers that won't open, disgusting cafeterias, crowded hallways…" Chris agreed.
	Justin set his jaw. "And basketball games and football games and prom and people my age and a schedule and friends." He cut himself off. "Yeah. I'm not missing a fucking thing." 
	"Why do you have to get like that?" Chris answered. He shook his head. "Turn it around. For God's sake."
	"Because."
	"What do you want us to do about it? You wanna quit? Okay, Curly. Go and fucking quit then."
	Justin pushed himself to his feet and left the room abruptly. 
	"I guess he will take your bed then Joe," JC answered with a frown. 
	"Joey, you shouldn’t have brought it up…" Lance began.
	"What?" Joey answered. "Your graduation? That's a big deal. He'll just have to suck up the fact that his won't be for a couple more years. I mean, God. I don't even know what he's upset about."
	"Well, I don't think anyone expected that," Chris replied.
	"Well, he has to fucking grow up. Why can't he just say 'Congrats, Lance' and move on. It doesn't have to be about him." 
	"No, I agree. I mean, Justin's got a point but I don't like him using it against us," Chris replied. "It's tough for him, but he's got way more than some people have anyway. The rest of us are missing a normal life just as much as he is."
	"Well, not just as much," JC said quietly. "Or in a different way." 
	"Working the Graveyard doesn't really weigh up with high school." Joey shrugged. "If that's what you mean." 
	"High school sucked," Chris replied. "College was so much better."
	"Well," JC answered, "isn't it nice you got that opportunity…"
	Chris gave JC a look. "Don't you even dare start with me like that. Don't take his side like that." 
	JC opened his mouth but then shut it again, deciding to be vague on the subject. "Sorry. You know what I mean, Chris."
	"Sometimes I don't," Chris answered. 
	JC pressed his lips together, quiet.  
	"Of course it's him," Chris persisted. "For you, it's always him. He's missing out on so much. We should all make exceptions for him."
	"What are you trying to get at?"
	"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just God forbid you look outside his perspective."
	"That's not true." JC frowned at him. "You know, just because I sympathize with one of my closest friends, and for something understandable..." 
	"Whatever, JC. Forget it. I don't want to fight about something so stupid." 
	The doorbell rang at that moment.
	"That's gotta be Kelly," Joey spoke up, anxious for the release from the tension, especially since he had inadvertently started it. He rushed over to the door and opened it quickly. "Hey, sweetie…"
	Kelly laughed in the doorway, holding two bags. "Sorry to make you get up. I didn't have an extra hand to get the key."
	Joey smiled. "Let me take those. How'd you get it out of the car, hon?" He took the bags from her hands and let her in, kicking the door shut. "You know I'm the one that's supposed to do the heavy lifting.
	"It's not too heavy... Thanks..." She let him have the bags. "Hey, guys," Kelly greeted. "JC, I'm glad you came over. And Chris. Justin not come?"
	"Nah, he's here," Joey answered. "My room I think."
	Kelly looked back over at him. "Um, does everyone want beer? Or soda? The soda's not cold so I'll get ice and glasses."
	"I'll help you," JC offered. "You don't have to wait on us."
	"It's my pleasure," she replied, combing a hand through her curly hair. "I'm glad to have you all back. What do you all want?"
	"Beer for me," Chris said.
	"And me," Lance answered.
	JC, Kelly, and Joey made it to the kitchen and Joey put the two bags down on the counter. JC walked over towards the refrigerator and opened the freezer door to take out the trays of ice.
	"I need to get an ice maker some day," Joey said. "Is there ice?"
	"Yeah." JC put the trays on the counter and went for glasses. He took out six. "Okay, two beers… Joey?"
	"Beer."
	"Three. Kelly?"
	"I'm just going to have soda."
	JC nodded. "I'll have beer. I'll bring Justin a soda, I guess… So that's four beers and two sodas?"
	"Was Justin tired?" Kelly asked. "I hope he gets some sleep― You guys are busy this week too, right?"
	"Yeah, we should all get sleep," JC agreed. "But yeah, I think Justin was a little overtired."
	"Oversensitive," Joey corrected.
	JC shrugged as he put ice into the glasses. "As usual."
	"But he's like a girl sometimes." Joey reached into the bag to take out the six packs of beer.
	Kelly hit him in the arm. "Like a girl?"
	"Yeah. All whiny and having tantrums and shit," Joey answered. He grinned at Kelly. "You know what I mean."
	"I'm not sure I do…" she replied teasingly. 
	"Let's just keep it at oversensitive then. Overdramatic."  
	"But Chris shouldn't hold that against him," JC answered. "I know Chris thinks that Justin's had everything handed to him but―"
	"He doesn't think that."
	"Then why―"
	"He just…" Joey sighed. "Chris learned a lot from life without complaining, and I guess he thinks that you should take things as they come. And Justin has the tendency to… pick things apart. Complain. Besides, Chris enjoys riling him up anyway."
	JC shrugged, thinking about some of the trivial complaints Justin brought up, like having no shortened version of his name. "Only because he likes to have stuff to talk about."
	"He just likes the attention."
	"Yes." 
	"And we know. And honestly I would be just as mad about high school too. But just having brought up Lance's graduation shouldn't do that…" 
	"He's overtired." JC took a can of beer and started to pour onto the ice. "No, it shouldn't've, but he's tired." 
	"He's always overtired…" Joey rolled his eyes.
	"Because he honestly is." JC shrugged. "We all are. I think Chris could use a bit of a nap too." 
	"JC, what soda does he want?" Kelly asked, taking a can of diet for herself. "Regular or diet?" 
	"Regular." 
	Kelly nodded and took a can of regular Pepsi. She walked over to pour the two sodas into their respective glasses over ice. "And are you guys going to tell me what the whole deal is that you're talking about?"
	"Haven't you gotten the gist?" Joey answered with a smirk. "Everyone's overtired."
	"And yet you had everyone over to drink beer. Nice, Joey."
	Joey shrugged. "What's your point, Kelly?" 
	She shook her head. "Girls may complain, but at least we think." 
*******
	Justin had long ago buried himself deep under Joey's blankets, under heavy flannel and sheets and a big comforter. Joey had a really, really comfortable double bed and Justin's exhaustion was extremely evident to him as soon as he was snug in it. He didn't even care if Kelly and Joey had been in it earlier. 
	He had about ten minutes of fading in and out of sleep when he heard the door creak open and a faint light filtered in from the hall. 
	He heard the sound of ice jiggling in a glass and it came closer as whoever it was approached. 
	"Justin…" came JC's voice in a whisper. "You still awake?"
	"Yes," Justin admitted. He moved a little in bed, the sheets rustling. "Not really though…"
	JC put two glasses down on the night table and fumbled for the light. It clicked on brightly.
	Justin groaned and blinked. He sat up in bed just slightly. "What."
	"I got you a drink. Kelly came back with drinks." 
	Justin glanced over as JC sat on the edge of the bed. "Is the beer mine?"
	"A sip of it is if you want it. I got you a soda, but if you want I'll grab you a beer."
	"No, that's okay, but can I have the fuzz off the top?"
	"You want the head? If you want." JC handed the glass with the amber liquid over to him and watched a hand snake up from under the covers to take it. "Don't spill or Joey'll be pissed."
	Justin grunted in acknowledgment as he sipped the top off the beer.
	JC surveyed Justin for a moment and reached over to touch his cheek where it appeared wet. "Were you―"
	"No." Justin handed the beer back and wiped his mouth before using his sleeve to wipe his eyes. He inched back down in bed.
	JC sighed. "That's yours." He indicated the soda on the table. 
	Justin nodded. "Thanks..." 
	JC shifted further onto the bed and turned to lean against the backboard and put his legs up.
	"You can go back inside if you want," Justin told him. "You don't have to entertain me. Thanks for the soda."
	JC breathed deeply. "I have a headache." 
	Justin didn't answer.
	"Behind my eyes," JC explained. "It really hurts."
	"You're tired…"
	JC nodded. "I am." 
	Justin slipped down further in bed and pulled the blankets up to his chin. "I didn't mean to leave like that. I'm sorry." 
	"Why do you let things like that bug you?"
	"I don't let them. They do it." 
	"You have every right to feel that way, but you don't have to act that way. It's just that there's nothing we can do about it…"
	"Mm." The edge of the comforter was right at Justin's nose. 
	"You got Chris moody too."
	"I did?"
	"Yeah." JC smirked. "Don’t worry about it…" He took a sip of the beer. "We should have all just gone to our own beds and gone to sleep. Haven't we had enough of each other?"
	"Don’t say that." 
	JC yawned and then took another drink.
	Justin sat up again and reached for his soda over JC's lap. "Fuck Chris."
	"Justin, please," JC objected, putting a hand on Justin's back while he reached over him. 
	Justin got hold of the glass and moved back to sit up. He took a long drink. It was cold and sweet. "Honestly though. I mean, sorry some things aren't important to him but they're important to me."
	"He knows that. Precisely why he's good at teasing."
	"Why can't I at least speculate about what I could be doing instead?"
	"You can. We just don't want you to get upset about it, Justin."
	"I'm not." Justin shook his head. "Not until he starts to fucking argue with me about the whole thing."
	"Please don't say fuck so much. It sounds awful."
	"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
	JC took a long drink of beer and didn't answer. 
	Justin leaned into JC with his weight. "Fuck." He sat up a little and leaned in closer to press his nose against JC's cheek. "Fuck." 
	"Stop it, Justin. Chris annoys you when he argues with you and you annoy me when you get like this."
	"I'm annoying you?" Justin answered, sitting back.
	"Almost."
	"Well, fuck."
	JC turned his head and glared at him. Justin had such a grin on his face and he wanted to wipe it off of him. "Stop." At least a grin was better than the earlier moodiness. He watched Justin yawn and said, "You're tired. That's all it was earlier, and Chris knows it too. Now I’m going to leave you here to sleep, and I'm going back inside." JC started to get up.
	Justin grabbed his arm and beer nearly splashed up out of the glass. "Don't leave 'cause I cussed. Please." 
	"I'm not." JC pulled his arm free of Justin's grip. "I'm leaving to find some aspirin and to let you sleep." 
	"You can sleep in here if you want. It's big enough. Please, JC."
	JC looked at him with a frown. "Justin―"
	"It's weird to have a whole bed to myself," Justin began sadly. "It's weird to have a whole room to myself. Really weird." 
	JC shrugged him off and slid off the bed. "I know. But you can do it." He reached over and took the Pepsi out of Justin's hand and placed it down on the night table. Then he turned off the light. "Just rest."
	"But―" Justin started.
	"You were fine when I came in."
	"It's weird though."
	"I need aspirin. Then I'm going to finish my beer. Good combo, right? But just close your eyes and go to sleep. Okay?"
	"I guess…" 
	JC patted Justin's leg through the blankets. "You know, you can be alone. Okay? Rest up, pal." 
	"Alright." 
*******
	 The guys had a lot of choreography to learn. Joey and Chris had limited themselves the night before in terms of drinking once the realization of how early their practice began the next day hit them. They all stayed at Joey's overnight and left in one car in the morning.
	They would be doing a variety of songs in their show, including a mixture of songs that were popular that year as covers. The main idea of their show was not only to sing their hearts out, they were told, but to be visually stimulating. 
	Johnny met them that morning and explained all this. 
	"The shows you guys have done before this, they were all great and you guys knew what you were doing, but this is starting to branch into a new league," he began. "So much that may have been taken in stride before needs to be perfected for this tour.
	"I'm not too worried about choreography," he persisted. "You guys have been great with picking that up with enough practice and you'll have a few weeks I believe to make that flawless. But more goes with that now."
 	"When's the first show?" Justin cut in. 
	"March first," Johnny told him.
	"That's not a few weeks, you know," Justin objected. 
	"Close enough, Justin," Johnny replied patiently. 
	"We don't have that much time though. That's like… What is today?" Justin persisted.
	"Justin, shut up." Joey pinched his arm.
	"I know it seems like it's not far away," Johnny began. "And it's not. But it's plenty of time for you guys. I know it is."
	"We can do it," Chris said assuredly with a grin.  
	"I know you can." Johnny nodded. "Let's just go over a few quick things that you should know for the tour. Easy visual things. You're going to hear them over and over… Let's start with expression. Even if you are having the worst day of your life, the second you let them know that, it is over, you understand? You guys already know this. Part of your job is about the acting, and I know you've all had experience with that. Constant brightness. People paid money to be happy, not to see you miserable."
	"Hopefully we won't be," Joey said. 
	Johnny gave him a smile. "Yeah. So expressions. Very important. Demeanor. Even more. And interact. The audience eats that up, fellas, more than you would imagine. The simplest joking with each other, that's all part of the acting. You have a set routine, but let's make it look like you guys are having the times of your lives doing it for that particular audience. They will notice it.
	"And interact within the group," Johnny continued. He looked pointedly at JC and Justin. "I know some of you have the tendency to fall into your little consistencies sometimes, but for the show you need to be connected with everyone." 
	Johnny sighed and began. "Next, almost as important…"
	Lance set his arms over his chest and yawned. This was going to be a long meeting.
*******
	Joey tilted his head back and looked up at the sky from his seat in a flimsy plastic chair outside. The sun was low in the sky as it was later in the day. Still, the blueness was bright and fluffy white clouds made it very serene. He wished they could take the time more often to just sit and do nothing and enjoy simple things like nature. He looked over at Chris, who sat in a lounge chair with ice on his knee and a sour look on his face.
	The guys had gone back to Justin's after practice, whose house happened to have a pool that was very inviting after a full day of dancing and practicing. Even though it was February, and Lynn looked at them as though they were insane, telling them the water would be freezing, they were sweaty and hot from dancing and the day was actually fairly warm for the month. One of the perks of Florida, when a winter heatwave was actually quite pleasant. 
	"How's the knee?" Joey asked.
	"Fine," Chris answered remotely. "It's fine." 
	"Today was the longest day ever," Lance said, sitting at the edge of the pool with his legs dangling in the water. The water was definitely chilly, too chilly to stay in very long in Lance's opinion, but it was definitely refreshing.
	Justin laughed from the water as he dipped under quickly to rewet his hair. "You say that after every day…"
	"I know," Lance admitted. "But every day I mean it." 
	"We all do," Joey responded. "Today was long though."
	JC, also in the water with his elbows resting up on the pool wall, sighed. "Well, hate to break it to you… But get used to it being that way for the next couple of weeks. You heard what Johnny said." 
	"Johnny also said we had a few weeks," Justin began, reminded of an earlier discrepancy of detail. He wiped his eyes, feeling the chlorine making them itch a bit. "And we don't."
	"You," JC started, pointing at Justin. "You never keep your mouth shut."
	"What do you mean?"
	"Johnny's your boss. You can't just challenge him like that. You can't be like, you're wrong."
	"Why not? He was."
	"Because, Justin…" JC sighed. He ran his hands through his wet hair. "Just because."
	"Because that's how the real world works," Joey spoke up.
	"Why?" Justin persisted.
	"Because in the real world, if you're an ass to your boss, he can fire you or make you do awful work." 
	"He can't fire me…" Justin objected.  
	"I think he can do whatever he wants," JC answered. "We signed our names to him."
	"Our lives, it seems," Lance replied with a smirk. 
	"Sometimes," JC agreed. 
	"Besides," Lance persisted. "I think Johnny was trying to be optimistic and just assure us we have enough time to get ready." 
	Justin splashed him from the pool. Joey was out of the pool too, but farther away. Lance was easier to splash. "Are you going to get in again, or what?" 
	"I don't know," Lance replied. "I'm thinking about it. It was kinda of cold."
	"Well, don’t think too hard." Justin splashed him again. "I wanna do chicken fights and Chris can't with his knee." 
	"Must we always do that?" JC answered with a sigh. Justin always had fun because he was always on top because he was the youngest and although growing, still the skinniest. Often JC was actually on top too because he was light, but he was a bit too tired to be lifted up to fight an overly enthusiastic Justin. 
	"Joey, come on," Justin began, leaning up on the wall, lifting himself up so that water dripped down from his curls and down his shoulders and back. He shivered with a breeze but remained persistent. "Please..." He pouted.
	"You need a fourth…" Joey answered, making no effort to get up. "And Lance isn't getting up." 
	"Yes, he is. Lance is gonna get JC," Justin answered. He gave Lance a threatening look. "Go with JC."  Justin knew Joey was stronger than Lance and JC, so he claimed him as much as he could for the game. 
	"Lance?" Joey asked.
	Lance rolled his eyes. "I guess."
	Joey sighed and got up. "Fine." He walked to the edge of the pool and lowered himself down to slide in. He dunked himself under to reacquaint himself with the temperature as Lance slid in from his seat on the edge.
	"Chris, you don't mind not playing?" he asked.
	Chris waved him to go ahead with a smirk. "I think I'll survive this one out." He glanced at the ice on his knee and sighed.
	Justin grinned and waited for Joey to emerge from the water. When he did, he looked tired, soaking wet and sighing. 
	"Joey, you don't look too into it," Lance said with a smirk as he approached him.
	"Can't say you look much different," Joey responded.
	"Just let him win quickly, okay?" Lance looked at JC. 
	JC nodded, "Trust me. I know." 
	"Ready, Jup?" Joey lowered himself into the water and let Justin climb onto his shoulders. With a grunt he stood up straight, reaching up to grip Justin's knees to hold him steady. He squeezed gently and said, "If you fall, don't forget to not break my neck." 
	"You always say that."
	"Because you always try to hang on."
	"I'm just trying to win."
	"Justin..."
	"Okay, I'll try," Justin promised, resting his hands on top of Joey's head. "JC, come on."
	JC got onto Lance's shoulders tiredly after two tries. Lance stood up a little shakily and the two groups approached.
	"Now, play fair," JC began. "Justin."
	"Me? You're the one that always cheats," Justin answered.
	"So you say." 
	"Count of three," Joey began. "One… Two… Three…"
	Justin thought it was pretty obvious when one swipe made JC and Lance collapse. It was almost laughable.
	"They're so stupid," Justin answered irritably. "Joey, that's cheating too, isn't it?" He started to push Joey's wet hair up into a mohawk.
	"Letting you win?" Joey asked. 
	"Yeah, that's cheating too. It's fixing the game." 
	"They're tired. Give 'em a break." Joey reached up with one hand to smooth his hair down. "Quit being my hair stylist, will you?"
	"One more chance," Justin began as Lance and JC rubbed water out of their eyes and composed themselves.
	"Once more?" JC sighed. "Fine. But don't knock us for losing. You're tough competition, man…"
	Justin rolled his eyes and watched JC get back onto Lance's shoulders. A minute later they were ready.
	JC went down again with one push.
	"Let me down…" Justin tugged at Joey's hair and started to slip down. Joey lowered down into the water to let him off easier.
	Justin dunked JC as soon as the man had emerged from the water. Half of him laughed at how easy it was, and the other half of him was actually annoyed. "You're such a cheater!" he cried as JC came up again sputtering.
	"I'm tired!" JC answered, pushing Justin away. "So's Lance! Give us a break."
	"Still!" 
	Justin's mom suddenly called from the backdoor of the house. "Hey, Justin?" she called over. "Can I speak with you for a minute?"
	Justin rolled his eyes and gave JC another shove. "You lucked out, mister," he said challengingly.
	"Go talk to your mother, brat," JC answered, splashing him.
	Grumbling, Justin climbed out of the pool easily and, dripping wet, walked over towards the house across the grass. When he went through the door, he found his mother right in the kitchen.
	"Justin," she chided immediately. "Don't you have a towel? You're dripping everywhere!"
	"I didn't have one out there…" he objected somewhat apologetically. 
	She shook her head. "That's ridiculous. Look at what you're doing?"
	Justin looked at the puddle forming around his feet and sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll clean it up, okay? What'd you want to talk to me about?"
	"Just about…" she hesitated and then looked serious. "Well, Justin, isn't it enough that you spend twenty-four seven on most days with these men?" 
	"What do you mean?"
	"Just that… Well, honey, sometimes people need a break from each other. You see them all year long and you live together most of the time. You practice for nearly all day with them. You can't just come home to that too, you know?"
	Justin felt a weird feeling settle in his stomach. "What do you mean?" he repeated.  
	"I don't mind the boys being over," she continued. "Not at all. They're great friends, honey, despite the fact that you're so much―"
	"Do not bring in age, mom," Justin began irritably. He crossed his arms across his bare chest. "I'm so sick of that. It's not a big difference. What is this?"
	"It's a fact, Justin," she answered stiffly. "What I'm trying to say is that when you get a chance, Paul and I would like to spend time with you too. Maybe some time for your schoolwork. You know, sometimes families need to be families too. You have to draw a line between work and home."
	"Mom―"
	"I'm not going to argue you on this, Justin," she replied. "I'm telling you. You listen to me. I understand there's a lot you need to do with them, that's fine. It's those hours afterwards and in between that I want you to be able to―"
	"Mom, stop it."
	"No. You're my son. It would be nice if I could see you sometimes without―"
	"I can't, mom," Justin persisted, voice growing a bit louder. "What, you want me to tell them to go home, is that what you're saying? You're mad that―"
	"No, Justin. I'm not mad. I told you I haven't the slightest problem with them being here. That's not it at all."
	"Then what's the deal?"
	"I just told you, Justin. You have to draw a line somewhere. You can't have that so fuzzy. You need to realize that these are years of your life too. It would be nice if you could have some time with your family, some time for―"
	"Mom, I don't have time!" Justin exclaimed. "I don't have time for whatever it is you're talking about."
	"Justin, the guys have lives too and―"
	"They are my life," Justin answered sharply. He glared at her with narrowed eyes. "They're my family too. It's a little too late for this conversation, mother."
	She gave him a look. "Justin, I don't appreciate that. You know, when I let you join this band, I never imagined how far you guys would go. I wanted you to, sure. But I really never realized how much time it takes to do this job! I never realized what a big change it would make in your life. You're just a kid and sometimes I think that―"
	"I don't know what you've been reading, or who you've been talking to, but you're wrong!" Justin persisted. He took a deep breath. "Mom. You're wrong." 
	"Fine. Okay. I caught you off guard. But we'll talk about this later."
	"No. We won't." Justin turned away from her and started out of the kitchen edgily.
	"Are you going to clean up the floor, Justin?" she asked stiffly.
	"No," he replied shortly. He went through the back door and slammed it shut behind him. He crossed the yard angrily back towards the pool. When he got there he pushed at a lawn chair before sitting down heavily in it.
	"What's the matter now?" JC asked, eyeing him from the pool warily.
	"Nothing," Justin answered. She's such a bitch, he wanted to say. He wanted to yell about a bunch of stuff. But instead he just said, "Nothing." It wasn't worth it. He couldn't even repeat what she'd said. Was that even an argument? More family time? These guys were his family. What was she talking about?
	"Are you in trouble?" Chris asked. "What'd you do?"
	"No. And nothing," Justin answered. 
	"What's the matter then?"
	"Nothing," Justin insisted. 
	The guys gave him the once over, at his morose look, at his slouch, at the way his arms were crossed tightly over his chest. Something was wrong, but they didn't press. Joey and JC picked up the conversation they'd been having and Lance climbed out of the pool to dry off. 
	A few minutes later Lynn walked across the yard and stood ten feet from them. Justin felt a surge of fear go through him at what she might say or do, but instead she simply gave a weak smile and asked,
	"So do you guys want hamburgers or hotdogs for dinner?" 
	Justin swallowed. The subject was gone for now, but he knew it would come back again.
********
	There were certain people and companies that were still important to them. They were told that although they had BMG and Transcon, and although they had a signed contract and a manager, it didn't stop there. PR and branching out would always be part of the game. Make as many friends as you can. Make as many connections as you can. 
	Gary, for example, Lou had said, was a good friend and a very important man. He would be watching their rehearsals that day. He didn't fail to mention it would be recommended, and beneficial, not to screw around. And to work the hardest they had ever worked. 
	When you were told something like that, you knew that you just did it. You didn't really ask why. You just hoped you'd benefit from it later. 
	Gary wore a gray suit to the practice and sat in a metal folding chair. He had a dark tie on as well, but as their practice pursued, he loosened it around his neck to unbutton the collar buttons of his shirt. The room always got hot, especially with so much movement in it.
	Gary's presence bothered Chris. Not Gary himself, but the fact that he was there during these rehearsals. If they had to prove something to him, why could he have come to one of the later rehearsals, or better yet, one of the shows? Because they were sloppy now, in the beginning stages with their choreographer, and it really wasn't showing much. They had to repeat things all the time. Lance was getting frustrated. It was so damn hot they were sweating uncontrollably... 
	Actually, it was showing how quickly Justin and JC caught on, and how much Joey cursed when he was mad, and how Lance was a little slower learning the steps than the others and how Chris's knee was still sore. 
	And Chris was also  pretty sure he was showing his agitation and frustration in his expressions. But he didn't say anything then. He tried to pretend Gary wasn't there. It wasn't like he was the only other one in the room, there were a variety of other people there. So why should it matter? He was just one more person.
	One more really important person apparently. 
	Justin also really noticed Gary. But he wasn't really concerned at that same prospect as Chris. Instead, he was a little concerned with Gary's eyes. They seemed to be… very interested. Justin always like the attention of an audience, and so every now and again he would look that way. And for some reason, he always met the man's eye. 
	It was like he was only looking at him. 
	At first he told himself he was just imagining it. It was a figment of his imagination. Because honestly, why would a man like that be looking at him in that way? That would be ridiculous. This guy was powerful, this guy had connections in high places. And, this guy looked about three times his age. That would be absurd. Sure he was looking at him, but he was looking at all of them. 
	But then there was something about that gleam in his eye. As Justin watched him during one whole verse, he became certain that the man's eyes were looking at just him. At least for that whole part of the song... which was a pretty long time. Gary shifted in his seat and loosened his tie, not breaking his stare. He had a small smile on his face.
	Justin stumbled a little bit in the choreography, like he was physically tripping over his thoughts, and bumped into Joey. Not hard, but enough.
	"Fuck," Joey said harshly as he then messed up. "Justin. For once I had that part."
	"Sorry." Justin's mouth was dry. He blinked and tried to get the nauseous feeling out of his mind. 
	"We'll do it again," Lance answered, eyeing Justin carefully. Justin rarely messed up. 
	For the rest of that song, Justin refused to put his eyes back near Gary. Instead he watched the wall. The white, very nice and unassuming, unthreatening wall. It was a comforting wall.
	He survived the next hour and a half. 
	While they were taking a break, Gary got up from his chair and approached them. He walked along their backs to the get to where they were facing. Justin didn't like when people walked behind him and he shuddered as Gary stopped at his side. He cursed that he was standing at the edge of the group. 
	Gary put a hand on Justin's shoulder. "You guys are really talented, hard workers," he said. "I could tell that from your rehearsal so far. I'm impressed. Lou's made a good decision with you boys."
	"Thanks," Chris began. "It's hard, you know, to show from the beginning like this. We've just started with these moves and―"
	Gary put his other hand in the air to cut him off, nodding with a smile. "I completely understand. But from where you are, I think you'll have no problem. Not many groups could pull together something like this in such a short period of time. I know you've all been very busy."
	"Definitely," Joey answered, wiping sweat from his forehead wearily with the back of his hand.
	"Now I hate to sound demanding…" Gary squeezed Justin's shoulder just slightly. "But would you boys mind singing for me? I'd love to hear you sing. A capella maybe." 
	Justin was so stiff from the man's arm on his shoulder that he barely made an expression. Meanwhile JC wholeheartedly agreed to the man's request. In general, Justin loved to be touched. He would stand or sit close enough to any of the guys to ensure that they were touching him. However, that was the guys.  The difference was that he chose those people to be close to. This made him never want to be touched. 
	He hated when people like this chose him.
	You're a star, his mother always said. The type that everyone wants to be around and be friends with. 
	Justin didn't want friends like this. 
	"We can definitely sing," JC was consenting. "Wanna do it guys? Some of the first single?"
	They had the a cappella version of 'I Want You Back' down pact, a fancy version of it to show off the leads and harmonies, but concise enough so that they could do it at small requests like this. The type they did for the radio spots and interviews.
	JC counted off and they started. 
	Justin couldn't help the way his voice faltered on his part. Gary's hand had moved to his back. They were all standing so close together that the other's probably didn't even notice.
	He hated the glare Chris sent him. If only Chris knew. 
	"That was great guys," Gary answered as they finished. "Absolutely great." He smiled at them. "I have no doubts in my mind as to why Lou picked you boys up. You're everything he described and more." His hand slid off Justin's back, gliding down his backside as he did so. "I'm going to talk to Lou for a bit, but thanks again." 
	Justin grunted under his breath, holding his tongue as Gary walked away.
	"Loved your part, Justin," Chris began critically when Gary was out of hearing range. "What's the matter with you? You always do it perfect and yet whenever the moment comes it's really important―"
	"Why is he so important?" Justin exclaimed, yearning to know. His voice shook worse than it had in the song.
	"You were there when Lou talked to us, Justin. Maybe if you listened and concentrated." Chris's voice was bitter. "For once? You're like ADD, all the time. You need to listen."
 	"I do listen!"
	"Then don't ask me why he's important. Lou told us why."
	Justin just set his jaw. "Fine. I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?"
	"Dude, we just danced for two hours," JC objected. "I don't see a need to get all upset."
	Chris turned to him. "I'm not upset. It's just, he was messing up choreography too and then he can't―"
	"I'm right here!" Justin answered, taking a step towards Chris, suddenly feeling his shaky anxiety turn to anger. "Why don't you tell me to my face if you want to say something?" 
	"You want me to tell you?" Chris hissed, eyes looking dark. Justin was suddenly very intimidated and he took a step back, his anger turning back into anxiety and bigger fear. Chris could look very menacing.
	"Don't you ever yell at me," Chris persisted. "Don't you yell at me. Don't you yell, period. Especially with outsiders in the room. What do you want us to look like? Jesus Christ."
	Justin pressed his lips together tightly, not saying a word. He swallowed back everything he'd been ready to say. 
	After an awkward silence, Joey started talking about another song in an attempt to change the subject. 
******.
	When they were taking a water break, Justin decided to leave the room and go down the hall to the bathroom. 
	He was angry about everything. He was mad that Chris didn't understand, and even more angry at the fact that he didn't have the balls to fill him in. Chris told him not to yell, and then he yelled at him. What was that? But Justin was scared to tell him. Because what would Chris say then? Something he didn't want to hear? Suck it up? That's the way it goes? At least he liked you? That could help us? Justin knew all the lines he would be told, and he never knew what kind of response to give. 
	He was mad at the fact that people looked at him like that to begin with. To be truthful, it was becoming a lot more often and that was a bit scary. People he would never imagine at first glance to be creepy really were. It was a bit unsettling. Who could he trust outside these four guys? JC had always told him there were a lot of assholes in the business, but Justin had always kind of ignored it. 
	And to top all that off, they all kept saying 'just wait' and telling about how it would be when they got bigger. But there were so many cons now that Justin was noticing, and he worried at whether they would really be helped or just led along. Some of them were hard to read. Some of them were just so skilled at their craft. 
	By pure human nature, he wanted everyone to love him. He wasn't happy if someone wasn't satisfied with him. He was a perfectionist both in life and work. If one of the guys was mad, he would do his best to plea for that missing affection back. Just like he'd have to work at Chris after the episode from before to appease him after he calmed down. He needed that mutual feeling to survive and if it wasn't there, he just by nature was anxious and unhappy. He needed to be the center of attention, and he would admit it. 
	But he was starting to learn maybe it wasn't all that good to be loved by everyone.
	And there were certainly different types of love.
	He looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom before he threw water on his face from the sink, feeling sweaty and disgusting. Disgusted. Sighing, he used a paper towel to dry himself off. 
	There was nothing he could do about it. Thinking about it just made him ill.
	With a resigned deep breath, he decided to get back to the guys. Chris would be over it. If not he would lay low until he was. They had to keep practicing anyway.
	He was just starting for the door when it swung open and Gary was there. 
 	His tie was completely gone and so was his jacket. He just had on his buttoned shirt, the collar undone. He still had that smile on his face.
	"Hey, Justin… I was hoping to catch you…" he started, shutting the door behind him and standing in front of it. "I wanted to talk to you."
	"Oh, yeah?" Justin began, deciding to try to play it cool. Maybe, he told himself, it was all still a figment of his imagination. Maybe the guy hadn't been looking just at him.
	Gary nodded and took a step towards him. "Yeah… Justin, you've got a very talented group, do you know that?"
	Justin nodded. "We try really hard. It's really come together."
	Gary agreed, "Yeah. Yeah, I can see you do work hard… And I'm sure you would want to do anything to ensure the success of the group."
	Justin blinked. The man was just inches from him now, that smile still on his face. He swallowed. "Um, well, I'd love to see us get big, yeah. That's the point."
	"You know... There's a lot of groups out there, Justin…" Gary's breath was really close to his face. Justin felt himself backing up slowly. "Lots of people. Lots of beautiful faces and voices. Lots of talent. And they're all trying to get to the same spot as you are."
	Justin nodded.  
	"Ever played for a team, Justin? Like baseball? Say… You're in the game that's going to determine whether you go to the playoffs… You're up to bat for your team and there are already two outs. These playoffs are the only chance to make it big. Everyone will be traded after that."
	Justin just stared at him. He found himself up against a cold wall. 
	Gary leaned in, cornering him there. "Now, Justin. You don't want to strike out for your team, do you? Sometimes you have to take whatever pitch comes your way…. You don't want to strike out your team…"
******
	Justin woke up screaming and kicking. He screamed at the top of his lungs, even after he realized it was a dream and that he was okay. He screamed as he managed to get himself out of bed and stumbled through the dark room, breathing heavy.
	Whose house am I at? He tried to think. Where am I? It was so dark. 
	He assumed he was in his room but that was wrong because as he took a step towards his supposed door, he slammed himself into the wall. He cursed out of anger, wanting to hit something. 
	He had to be at Joey's again. He tried to think if the bed was comfortable, if someone else was in bed with him, and what had happened after practice as he finally found the hallway and made it to the bathroom. 
	He locked the door behind him and turned on the lights. As thoughts of his nightmare came back to him, he was filled with that rage and disgust and immediately felt the urge to throw up.
*******
	JC woke up to a scream and being kicked very hard before he heard someone drop to the floor and stumble around. He was too bleary to think, and he had no clue what was going on. 
	He was about to ask, "Justin?" when he heard another loud thud and heavy breathing. 
	JC got out of bed as soon as he gathered his senses and he was filled with a feeling of dread. What was going on? He flipped on the light switch and started for the hall, seeing the door to the bathroom closing and the light turn out as he got the doorway of Joey's bathroom. 
	They had all slept at Joey's again that night after an extremely long day. Justin had stumbled to Joey's bedroom to sleep before he could be reminded that it wasn't his house, and Joey, although a little exasperated about not having his own bed again, didn't have the heart to make him move somewhere else so took the spare room, telling JC to go ahead and sleep there too if he wanted before he got blankets for himself, Lance, and Chris for the pull-out and spare mattress.
	That was hours ago, or at least it felt like it, when they were too tired to talk or do much of anything other than sleep.
	But now what was going on? Why had Justin screamed like that? And JC's legs still hurt from being kicked. 
	Not a kind way to be woken up, JC thought as he knocked on the bathroom door.
	"Justin?" he asked. He rubbed his eyes before knocking again.
	"Go away," he heard mumbled from inside.
	He heard footsteps approaching from behind him and turned to see Joey approaching, looking exhausted in flannel pants and a sweatshirt. 
	"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Joey asked, his voice low and gruff. 
	"I don't know," JC answered honestly. His own voice was heavy with sleepiness. 
	"Lance, Chris, and I were just woken up thinking that we had a murderer in the house and that one of you two was being slaughtered."
	"You were the fortunate candidate to come check it out? How brave of you." 
	"Who the fuck screamed like they were being killed just then?"
	"Well, it wasn't me. I was woken up just like you," JC answered. He knocked on the door again. "Gotta be him, right?"
	"Him? Well, he was right next to you, JC. Not me, so don't look at me like I know what's going on." 
	"Well, I don't know what's the matter with him," JC answered. "He's never done that before. I don't know why he was screaming." 
	Joey got up to the door and pounded on it with his fist as he yawned. "Justin," he said loudly. "Open up, man, and tell us what happened." He looked at JC after a moment of silence. "We should just go to bed and leave him there if he wants to not answer."
	"How can you leave someone who just screamed bloody murder?" 
	"He doesn't do that usually?"
	JC gave him a hard look. "Joey, you have slept in the same room as him for over a year. Don't ask that."
	"Yeah, usually he just talks really loudly until he falls asleep," Joey admitted. 
	"Justin?" JC knocked again.
	"Go away!" came a rough voice from inside.
	"Well, there you have it," Joey replied. "He's a big boy, JC. Why don't you take my lead and go back to bed?"
	"Because he might need to talk…" JC objected. "Maybe that 'go away' was to you."
	Something made a loud thud inside, like something was dropped and Joey glared at the door. "If he broke something…"
	"Justin?" JC knocked and said firmly, "Open up. What's wrong?"
	"Leave me alone for once!" Justin answered back harshly.
	"I think that one was to you," Joey affirmed. 
	JC's look grew worried. "What do you think is wrong with him?"
	"I don't know. I know what's wrong with me though. I need some sleep. He was weird at practice too, Jayce. Maybe he's PMSing again."	
	"Joey, come on," JC chided. "Please. You can go to bed if you want."
	"What?" Joey yawned as he spoke in defense. "It's true. I bet he's just have one of his teenage crises." 
	"No one screams like that unless something is really the matter."
	"It's Justin, JC. You for one should know he's always screaming." 
	"Joey, he's never done what he just did."
	Joey sighed and rubbed at his jaw, at the light stubble there. "Not in the million years you've known him?" 
	"Joey, I think this is serious." 
	"I know. I'm sorry." He yawned. "You know, I just woke up. What do you want me to do? Find a key?"
	 JC actually considered that before shaking his head. "No, he'll come out. Why don't you go back to bed? Let Lance and Chris know there's no killer."
	Joey nodded with a smirk. "Good deal, man." 
*******
	A half an hour later, Joey found himself being shaken awake by a tired JC standing over him.
	"What…?" Joey muttered, rubbing his eyes.
	"Do you have a key?"
	Joey took a deep breath.
*******
	Joey found a key resting on the top of the doorway ledge. When JC finally got the bathroom door open, Justin was asleep, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall of the tub, slouched down with his legs sprawled out. 
	"You don't look like someone who was just screaming…" JC began in a whisper, yawning tiredly as he walked over and knelt down in front of Justin with a smile. He was well aware that Justin couldn't hear him, and he wasn't quite sure why he was smiling either since he would have much preferred to have been in bed. But Justin did look peaceful like that and it was kind of a relief.
	It never took much to wake up Justin and JC did it easily by simply saying his name as he patted his cheek.
	But he wasn't expecting the response he received; the way Justin's eyes flew open and how he jerked back and yelped, "Stop."
	"Stop what?" JC answered patiently. 
	Justin blinked at him with a glazed over look in his eye and for a moment JC saw pure terror, slowly resolving into relaxation, cross over Justin's features.
	"What?" JC persisted. He put a hand on his knee. "What's the matter, bud?"
	"I fell asleep?" Justin answered softly, looking at the bathroom critically. 
	"Yep. And God knows when the last time Joey cleaned the tile was so you might want to get up."
	A look of disgust crossed Justin's face as he slowly got to his feet. "I guess I'm tired."
	"I guess so." 
	"Did I wake you up?"
	JC nodded and reached over to straighten Justin's askew t-shirt. "Sure did."
	"Sorry." 
	"That's okay… I'm up." JC figured he wouldn't mention grizzly Joey being woken up either. "You wanna talk about it?"
	"That's okay…" Justin had an urge to watch TV or to play video games or something and just have no thoughts. He knew he'd just fallen asleep not too long ago, but still, the idea of trying to sleep in a silent room with these thoughts running through his head seemed impossible. 
	Justin rubbed his eyes and walked over to sit on the closed lid of the toilet seat just a foot away. "I forgot I was at Joey's." 
	JC nodded and put his hand on Justin's head, as if to feel if he had a fever, like that would explain the strangeness. "You wanna go home?"
	Justin shrugged. 
	"You wanna? Tell me and we can."
	"You're too tired to drive." 
	JC didn’t want to admit that he probably was too tired, because if Justin wanted to, he'd be sure to bring him. He was a little uneasy with him, remembering the scream that he'd awoken with and the way he'd kicked out. He was dying to know what the dream he had to have had was about.
	When JC didn’t answer, Justin simply spoke with an, "I'm thirsty. I need a drink."
	"That we can do," JC acknowledged. "Be real quiet though, alright?"
	"Okay."
	As they made their way towards the kitchen as quietly as they could in the dark, JC pulled Justin closer to him to whisper, "How come you wouldn't open the door?"
	"I don't know." 
	"'Cause… You know… It was just me… And I wanted to know what was going on…"
	"I don't know. Sorry, I woke you up." Justin pulled away as he reached the kitchen first and flipped on the light. He went to the refrigerator. He pulled out a carton of milk, checked the date, and put it back. He pulled out another and found it to be good. "You want some?"
	"Sure." JC gently pulled a seat out at the table and sat down. He watched Justin get two glasses and began to pour, his back to him. "Why'd you scream, Justin?"
	"I screamed?"
	"Yeah."
	"See… I don’t remember that." Justin spilled a little milk on the counter as he faltered. He wiped it with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.
	"Not a thing, huh?" JC leaned back in his chair. "That's interesting. You don't remember why you didn't let me in either. You forget that over the little nap you got when you fell asleep in there?"
	"I'm tired, JC."
	"No shit, Justin. I am too."
	Justin turned around to face him. "It's not my fault if I can't remember what I was dreaming about."
	"Finish pouring and don't talk so loud. You wanna wake Joey up again?"
	Justin didn't reply. He turned and quickly poured the other glass before snapping the cap back on the milk carton and putting it back in the fridge. 
	He then brought both glasses of milk back to the table and set one down in front of JC. 
	"Here." JC pulled out the chair right next to him. "Sit."
	"JC, I really don't remember my dream…" Justin began as he took the seat. "Honest."
	"Whatever it was must've been scary, huh?"
	"I guess."
	"Well, I just never heard you scream like that, you know?" 
	"I don't know. I don’t remember." Justin took a big sip of the milk. 
	"What if you have the same dream again?"
	Justin looked at him with big eyes. "If I can't remember the dream, how am I gonna know if I have it again? And how can I talk about it?"
	"I think you remember it. What I don't get is why you wouldn't tell me. Me. Who knows everything about you whether you like it or not."
	Justin shook his head and drank more milk tiredly. "You don't. I know a lot more than you."
	JC reached over and grabbed a napkin, turning to Justin and wiping at his lips with it, taking the chance to patronize him. "You've got a milk moustache." 
	Justin pulled the napkin out of JC's hand and rubbed it at his own mouth. He was torn between despising the superior act JC took with him, and wishing it'd never stop. Sometimes he liked the teasing. "I hate how you act."
	"How I act when? When I'm right?"
	Justin rolled his eyes.
	"Honestly, how much dirt do I have on you, Justin? I could totally fry you. I've seen all your home videos. Hell, I witnessed most of them first person anyway."
	"What are you saying?"
	JC raised his eyebrows with a smile. "Hm." 
	"You're making fun of me."
	"Of course I'm not." 
	"I have dirt on you too."
	"Not half as much. You've done so much ridiculous stuff that I know about… Among shows or outfits or acts… Plus if I wasn't there, I think your mom's filled me in with the home videos."
	Justin frowned and leaned back in his chair. "So what are you saying?"
	"I'm saying I don't know why you won't tell me about a little dream that obviously scared the hell out of you when I know everything about you anyway."
	Justin replied. "And I told you, I don't really remember."
	JC studied him. "Are any of us in it?"
	"I don't know."
	"Did somebody hurt you?"
	"I don't know."
	"Is it a flashback or something?"
	"JC, I don’t know."
	"I know what it is. Horrid Mickey Mouse days? Your big baggy ridiculous retro outfit days of thinking you were cool?"
	"JC―"
	"You and Ryan acting like morons? I know it’s the terrible Mickey Mouse days. Right? Was Mickey Mouse chasing you?"
	"JC. Shut up. No. And I don't know. I do not know."
	"Is it after that or before that? Oh, I know!" JC got an evil look on his face. "Justin… It's not… The Pageant, is it?" He said it with a somber tone.
	"What are you talking about? No."
	"Do the guys know about that one? And don’t give me that look. You know exactly what I'm talking about, J. Don't you? I mean you cried―"
	"JC!" Justin yelled. "Shut up!" 
	JC laughed and reached over to put his hand over Justin's mouth. "Okay, okay, shhh. I'll save that one for later blackmail. Good deal."
	Justin breathed heavily in anger.
	JC took his hand away. "You can't yell…" he said softly. "Really. You'll wake them all up too." 
	Justin didn't look phased. He still looked irritated, eyes narrowed. 
	"Okay. I'm sorry. But… You said that no, the nightmare wasn't about that, right?"
	"Yes." Justin said it sharply. "Be real." 
	"Well, if you don't remember, how do you know? It could have been?"
	"Why are you bringing this up?" Justin wanted to know.
	"Because I'm worried about you… And I was trying to joke." " 
	"Well, making fun of me isn't going to make you find out anything!" Justin finished the last of his milk and began to get up. 
	JC grabbed his t-shirt. "C'mon, J. I'm sorry."
	Justin sat back down heavily and gave JC a long look. His eyes were unsure. 
	"Here." JC pushed his milk towards him. "I don't want it. You can have it."
	"I don't need another glass," Justin muttered bitterly. 
	"But you'll drink it anyway." JC watched Justin finally take it and pull it towards him. "You talk in your sleep… Maybe you'll tell me later."
	"I haven't in a really long time…" Justin replied softly.
	Silence passed between them as JC gave up asking. He didn't know how many ways he could ask, or whether Justin had really forgotten the dream.
	After a moment, Justin rubbed at his eyes briefly and then suddenly asked, "Okay. You remember that Gary guy?" 
	JC realized Justin was being serious and paid attention. "Who? Oh, you mean the dude that was at that practice of ours watching?" JC asked. 
	"Yeah."
	"What's he got to do with anything?"
	Justin sniffled tiredly. "It was about him, okay?" 
	JC was silent, thinking about it. Thinking about the scream. JC knew he was being really dense, but he didn't get it. "Justin. Please explain to me why?"
	"I don't know… I guess… I'm reading into things and…."
	"Reading into things, how?"
	Justin shook his head. "I… I really can't… I just…. I told you what it was about, okay?"
	JC watched him begin to drink the other glass of milk, almost like it was an excuse not to talk. "Okay." But it wasn't okay. "Just, you don’t know Gary. None of us do. Why would he be in your dream?"
	Justin shrugged. "I don't know."
	"Justin, honestly, I don't believe you." JC had an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach.
	"Don't believe what?" Justin pushed his chair back and got up. He drank the last of the milk from that glass too as he walked to put the glasses in the sink. "I’m going to go back to bed now." 
	"You think you're evading this conversation? You forget you've got to sleep with me too."
	Justin headed back to the bedroom. JC got up with a sigh and followed. When Justin reached the bedroom, he went right to bed and pulled the blankets up over himself. JC turned off the lights and followed him into the bed as well.
	When he got under the blankets, he leaned over Justin to look at his face since his back was facing him.
	Justin's eyes gleamed in the almost darkness and JC could tell they were open.
	"It's too late…" Justin murmured with a hint of complaint. "Please, let's just go to bed…"
	"I was in bed. You didn't think it was too late to test out your lungs and scream though, did you?" JC replied.  	
	"JC…" Justin whimpered.
	JC laid down flat on his back. "How can I sleep now?"
	"I don't know… You act like I did it on purpose…" Justin rolled onto his stomach and pressed his face into his pillow. "Can we talk about it in the morning?"
	"So you can say you forgot overnight?"
	"What if I do?"
	JC rolled onto his side and reached over to run his hand down Justin's back. "I don't think so... Was it a really bad dream?" 
	Justin squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered suddenly. He nodded.
	JC noticed the movement and brought his hand to the nape of Justin's neck, stroking gently as if trying to soothe it out of him. "What happened in it?" he whispered. "Why was Gary in it?"
	"Because," Justin answered softly. 
	JC yawned quietly before asking, "Was it about our practice? When he was there?"
	"Kind of," Justin admitted.
	"Kind of?"
	"Yeah." Justin took a deep breath. "JC… I don't want to talk about it with you, okay?"
	"Why not?"
	"I don't know. I just want to forget about it…. Okay?" 
	JC sighed, his hand slipped to the small of Justin's back as he leaned forward to reply, "Truthfully? No. It's not okay. Tell me."
	"W-why?"
	"Because I'm concerned. That's why. Unless you want me telling your mother that you can't get a full night's sleep because you're having nightmares, and maybe she can get it out of you…"
	"JC…"
	"Or I can tell your bandmates about your little pageant like I said before…"
	Justin turned his head towards him. 
	"Pretty good ultimatum, isn't it?" JC asked. "Maybe I should call your mom right now…" JC paused and began to sat up, looking at the small table next to the bed. There was a phone. "I bet she'd want to know about this."
	Justin took a deep breath in exasperation, feeling his stomach churning as he watched JC reach over. He wondered if he'd really do it. He thought he was just teasing.
	When JC picked up the receiver he could hear the dial tone. Then he pressed a number.
	Justin whined as he lifted himself up and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed beside his friend. He buried his face into his shoulder. "Don't…" he pleaded. "Please don't."
	JC pressed another number. "Why not?" 
	Justin shook his head, pressing his face harder into JC's shirt. "Don't." 
	JC hung up the phone and leaned back against the headboard with a sigh. Justin moved with him, still clinging to him as if it was life or death. "Justin."
	Justin said nothing.
	JC rubbed his back briefly. "Okay. I hung up."
	Justin sniffled. 
	JC looked down at him thoughtfully, eyeing the curly head. "What is it, Justin?" he asked softly. 
	"I just wanted to sleep," Justin answered, his voice shaking. 
	"Okay, that's fine if you want. But one last chance. Don't you think it'd be better to talk about it?"
	"No. It's stupid…" 
	"Probably not."
	"It'll sound stupider out loud."
	"Nothing you say is stupid. Now, you said it was our practice… What happened at our practice? With Gary?" He could feel Justin's hot breath through his shirt.
	"I don’t know."
	JC sighed and tilted his head back. "You don't know. So Gary was at the practice?"
	"Yes."
	"And… What'd we do? We just practiced."
	"Yes."
	"Did anything happen after that?"
	"Yes." 
	JC closed his eyes briefly. "Justin, I hate guessing…" But he didn't want to give up without knowing what was going on in Justin's mind. "Tell me what you did in the dream."
	"I went to go into the bathroom."
	"Uh-huh…" 
	"And then when I was about to leave… Gary came in." Justin turned his head a little. "And he started talking to me about this stuff. And he was relating us to something really weird and then…"
	JC paused before encouraging, "Then?"
	Justin closed his eyes. "He wanted me to do. Stuff."
	"To do stuff?" JC echoed. He hesitated, unsure. It couldn't be. "What kind of stuff."
	"Y-you know. Stuff," Justin muttered against JC's shirt, trembling. "And he… I don’t know. I don't know. He was saying I had to, or we'd never be famous, and then I woke up." 
	"Justin―"
	Justin abruptly pulled away from JC then, sitting up next to him. "All during practice he wouldn't stop and he just kept staring," Justin began to ramble. "And I kept messing up because I couldn't stop thinking about this guy staring and what he was staring at and then when he came over I… I hate when people touch me, JC." His voice heightened in volume and his tone became more agitated. "I hate it. It's not their right. I messed up the song because I couldn't stand his hands but Chris'll never get it." 
	"Where did he touch you?" 
	Justin shook his head. "I'm probably just… I'm being stupid."
	"No. You're not." JC looked at him sternly. "I'm being serious, Justin. Where did he touch you?"
	"Don't look at me like that." Justin shifted back on the bed and drew his knees up to his chest. "I hate when you look at me like that."
	"Like what?" JC asked. "How am I looking at you?"
	"Like you're judging. I didn't do anything."
	"I know you didn't." 
	"Then stop…" Justin shook his head, curling up tighter into himself. 
	"Justin, if someone makes you uncomfortable at any time you should tell somebody," JC started, a little angrily. "How are we supposed to know?"
	Justin raised his head. "Chris said he was important!" he replied almost shrilly.
	"We're important. You're important! If that Gary man made you uncomfortable then―"
	"They all make me uncomfortable!" Justin persisted. "Lou does. Gary does. That make-up guy. The costume guy. The set guy. All those people! They all make me uncomfortable! What should I do about it? I hate it! I hate when people touch me. I hate when people are near me. I hate them all!"
	Justin took a deep ragged breath, angry as he felt the tears coming. This was what he hadn't wanted. He'd just wanted to go back to bed under warm safe blankets. Not discuss it all and feel JC's accusing eyes on him. Not to suddenly ramble it out uncontrollably like the words were a damn waterfall he couldn't plug up. 
	"You know what I'm going to say," JC began.
	"Well, don't say it!" 
	"Why do you hide it?"
	"They're everywhere! How can I… I couldn't dance with him there!" Justin cried, covering his face with his hands. "I couldn't sing with him there! How can I…"
	"Justin…"
	"I have to ignore it."
	"But if they touch you."
	"Stop!" Justin put his hands over his ears and shook his head. 
	JC set his jaw and tried to think. Right now he was extremely angry but he couldn't act on that now. The half of him that was angry wasn't angry at Justin. And the other half of him wanted to pull Justin onto his lap and hug him but he couldn't do that either. Justin wasn't that same kid anymore.
	Justin eyes were tightly shut and JC reached for his wrist to pull his hands down. "Justin. Look… Hey, can you just listen? Why are you doing that?"
	"Because you're wrong," Justin answered as JC held his wrists. He squirmed. "I can't just tell you every single time… Because I thought it would stop but it doesn't. It keeps getting worse and worse and―"
	"Listen, Justin…. Hey… Take a deep breath, J, okay?" JC soothed. "Deep breath. Geez, baby… I'm sorry." He let go of his wrists and stroked his hair instead. "Don't cry… I'm sorry I said anything."
	Justin shuddered, taking the deep breath like he was told and letting it out, trying not to bawl. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. 
	"You…" JC stroked his hair. "You are untouchable, you got me?" 
	"I'm not…" Justin stuttered.
	"Yes you are. You are. Because you think me or the guys would let that ever happen? That's why it's a dream. It's not real…"
	"Yes it is. You all were standing right there…" Justin rubbed his eyes. "When he put his hand on me."
	"This…" JC touched Justin's arm. "And this." He slipped his hand to his back. "That you're going to have to get used to."
	Justin shook his head. "No."
	"Justin… I know."
	"You don't."
	"Justin, you're not the only one they look at, alright?" JC continued. "But they do look. And you can't help it. Because you're you… Of course they're going to want to look at you. You're our golden boy." JC sighed. "But you're ours, not theirs. Got it? And we will never let anything happen. Understand?"
	Justin sniffled. 
	"You wouldn't go to the bathroom alone anyway…" JC continued. "And you don't think we'd notice if someone followed you there?" JC shifted closer to him. "You think I'd ever let that happen? Say no."
	"N-no…" Justin whispered obediently.
	"Then what are you scared of?"
	"That… The idea of it…" Justin murmured softly. 
	"I don’t know what to tell you…" JC admitted. "Lots of ideas are bad." 
	Justin swallowed and rested his head on JC's shoulder again.
	"But I'd much rather you tell me…" JC whispered. "If you're scared about it. Because then I'll know. And Chris will know and will understand why you're distracted. But if you don't say anything we don’t know. We couldn't tell, okay?" 
	Justin nodded slightly.
	"But there will always be someone watching… We okayed that when we signed our names on the line… And I'm mad but I'm not surprised that they've been picking you." JC slung his arm around his surrogate little brother and playfully kissed his cheek. "I would pick you too."
	"JC…" Justin smirked despite himself. Then he sobered again. "I hate it."
	JC sighed. "I know." 
	Justin took a deep, shuddering breath. "I want to go to bed now."
******
	 In the morning, everyone was tired. But being the nice guy and host that he was, Joey had gotten up early and had driven out to Burger King to buy them all breakfast sandwiches and coffee. 
	"You are the man…" Chris sighed as he got juice out of the refrigerator. 
	"I don't like coffee," Justin said, sitting at the table with a sullen look. He had taken the lid off the styrofoam cup and looked at the black liquid questionably, wondering how anyone could drink it.
	"You should," Joey answered as he put five glasses down on the table. He reached over to tug at Justin's hair. "You might be less cranky in the morning with some caffeine in you."
	Justin grunted. "It looks like gasoline."
	Chris laughed, amused by Justin's mumbled comments. 
	"He likes expensive coffee," JC answered as he sat down at the table. 
	"The stuff that's so loaded up that you can't even tell it's coffee?" Joey replied.
	"Yep." 
	"I don’t like coffee," Justin said again.
	Joey took the cup away from him. "Fine. Then what do you want instead?"
	Justin didn't answer.
	"Juice?" 
	No answer.
	"Milk?"
	"Yeah," Justin spoke.
	JC looked up, seeing Lance coming in the kitchen and approach the fridge. "Lance, hey. Can you grab the milk from the fridge before you sit? Check the date."
	Lance nodded. "Sure." 
	Chris sat down and reached for his sandwich. "Don’t you guys love these things?" He unwrapped it. "How'd you think of it, Joe?"
	"I woke up and was hungry." Joey shrugged with a smirk as he sat down at the table as well and reached for a sandwich. "Craved some BK. Thought you guys might enjoy breakfast too."
	"What time do we have to be at practice?" Lance asked as he put the milk down on the table and walked around to sit down. 
	"We don't have too much time I don't think," JC replied, pushing the milk towards Justin. "We woke up kind of late." 
	Justin stared at the carton of milk dumbly and after a minute finally reached for it and poured some into the glass in front of him. He felt like he was still sleeping.  
	The phone rang a moment later and Joey slid his chair back, walking over to pick it up. "Hello? Oh, hey, Johnny." 
	Chris watched him, wondering what Johnny was calling for. Then he saw a big smile spread across Joey's lips and realized whatever it was, it was probably good. 
	"Sure I'll tell them," Joey was saying. "Yeah. Definitely…. Thanks…. Okay, bye." Upon hanging up the phone, he smiled at them.
	"What is it?" JC asked.
	"Our single just hit the German top ten." Joey looked triumphant.
	"For real?" Lance asked. "Wow, it's barely been out."
	"I know. Isn't that so cool? Johnny was so happy."
	"That is really amazing." JC grinned. "Less than two weeks out and it's in the top ten."
	"We'll have to celebrate," Chris answered. He thought about it. "But practice first I guess."
	Justin suddenly felt more awake. He smiled. 
******
	At practice that day, JC confronted Chris. He didn’t mean to come off as sounding overbearing or even that concerned, but the truth was that ever since Justin had cried it out to him, he couldn’t stop thinking about that. He couldn't stop thinking about how no one could ever really know how that confident boy was really so vulnerable and what a pawn he was in this whole game sometimes. Justin's words of his dream and the scattered situations of similar intent over the past year kept replaying in his mind.
	So when they had a chance for a break, and JC saw Justin go running after Joey towards the doors out of the studio, he approached Chris.
	"Next time," he began, watching Chris take a long drink from a water bottle and toss a towel to the side, "you go off at somebody for not being what you want, maybe you should gather all the facts."
	Chris raised his eyebrows and gave JC an incredulous. "Excuse me?"
	"You know what I'm talking about."
	"Honestly? JC, you've lost me."
	JC frowned and crossed his arms. "The other day, at practice, with Gary. When you went off at Justin."
	"Yeah?" 
	"Well, maybe if you'd known what was going on…"
	"What was going on?"
	"How about the fact that that Gary dude was a perve?" JC suggested a little hotly. 
	"A perve?" Chris echoed. "You mean to Justin? Man, I don't think so. He's married. He has a kid."
	"So? You mean to say every married man is God's gift to ethics?"
	"No, of course not. I'm just saying I didn't notice that he was like that and he was barely in here, barely near us and―"
	"And so then he's definitely not?" JC objected. "Just because you didn't notice?"
	"JC―"
	"No. Maybe if he'd stared at you for the full practice and put his hands on you in suggesting ways, then maybe you would have faltered a little bit too."
	"JC." Chris gave him a hard look. "I know that perverts are out there. I know you're worried about your little precious golden boy being susceptible, and we know he is. But if he's going to think every man that puts a hand on him is a pervert the―"
	"Oh, for God's sake, Chris. Give him a little more credit than that."
	"Give Gary some credit then."
	"Just because he's important."
	"JC, you know I wouldn't let anything happen to Justin. I'm not about to. But being too paranoid is just as bad."
	"But―"
	"As long as he's aware, and he's with us, then he's got to put up with stares and the occasional grab."
	JC set his jaw. "He doesn't have to let them walk on him."
	"No, but sometimes he has to put up with it."
	"Chris."
	"JC, I know you agree with me. And I know when you talk to Justin about it, I'm sure you tell him there's some things you have to put your chin up about. This is one of them. Now if Gary had outright molested him, than that would be a different story, and―"
	"He had a dream he did."
	Chris looked earnestly surprised. "Justin did?"
	"Yeah. You know when he woke up screaming?"
	Chris thought. "When Joey and us thought there was a killer," he said wryly. 
	"Yeah, you want to know why he was screaming?"
	"So he's having nightmares about it?" Chris asked, his tone changing slightly. 
	"Yeah, that's not good, right?" JC answered sarcastically.
	"Of course not, JC. But I wish you wouldn't make me out to be the asshole, you know?" Chris began. "I'm not trying to be a dick about it. But it's just… We're both arguing different angles here. All I'm saying is there's some stuff you've got to put up with."
	JC didn't answer. He studied the wall, not knowing what to say. He knew Chris was partially right, but he didn't want to admit it.
	Chris continued, "I hate being the one telling him what to do in the business aspect and coming off as if I'm this piece of metal with no feelings."
	"He doesn't think that."
	"I just figured you coddled him enough for all of us."
	"Maybe you should lower your expectations just a little…"
	Chris rolled his eyes. "He's fine. If you want, I can talk to him later."
	"Leave it alone for now. Maybe it's a one time thing. He was normal this morning."
	"Moody as hell." 
	JC smiled. "Like I said. He was normal this morning."
	Their choreographer was starting to call them back over and JC looked up. "Time to get back to work. The other guys better come back soon." 
	"I think they're coming," Chris replied. Before he walked away, he said, "I'm sorry it's like this, JC."
	JC sighed. "I knew it would be like this."
*******
	Lance found out that week that he was definitely going to graduate. He was really excited about it and the rest of them were too. He would get his diploma on the twenty-second, a Saturday, and so Johnny told them they could have a three day weekend. They were all psyched to be able to make plans. Of course they all would be there for Lance on Saturday, but Sunday and Monday were a chance for a break. Joey was going to go to the beach with some friends. Lance would be with his family. Who the hell knew where Chris would be. Chris liked to do his own things sometimes, and none of them knew yet what he had decided.
	Justin tried to be optimistic, glad for the days off and proud of Lance, but at the same time he felt kind of disappointed to be the only one that hadn't graduated from high school yet, and also not knowing exactly what he wanted to do over the weekend. Before he at least wasn't the only one who had to sit and read books and prepare for this test. Now Lance was done.
	He was playing video games on the floor when JC sat behind him on the couch and nudged his back with his foot. "Justin, I just talked to my mom. I'm going to go back to DC for the weekend and visit some family."
	Justin paused the game and sighed, staring at the frozen screen. "So now you won't be here either?"
	"Nope."
	"But now―" Justin cut himself off with a disappointed grunt. He wasn't even going to start. It wasn't worth it. There was no reason for him to feel anything but relaxed, and that's what he tried to tell himself. But it was hard. 
	After a pause, enjoying the suspense, JC continued, "You can come if you want."
	Justin stopped and as it dawned on him, he smiled. He tilted his head back to look at JC and grinned. "Really?"
	JC laughed at his expression. "Well, if your mom says okay and you want to."
	"Really?"
	"Only if you tell me how I am the Supreme Being, your most favorite person in the world, Ruler of All, and a better singer than you."
	"Hey. I don't know about that last part."
	JC laughed. "Do you want to go or not?"
	Justin sighed as he got up from the ground and walked to sit beside JC. He began to recite. "You are the Supreme Being, my most favorite person in the world, Ruler of All, and just as good a singer as me."
	JC ruffled his hair. "Close enough."
******
 	"Today was cool, huh?" Joey asked while JC was briefly packing up a bag for the rest of the weekend. 
	"Yeah," JC agreed. "Lance must be pretty proud."
	"I don't know how he passed. I would've never been able to study."
	"He's a smart kid."
	"Yeah, he really is." Joey paused. "I wish we'd all be around this weekend, you know? Like to show him a good time. But... I mean, these breaks don't come often enough."
	"Yeah, exactly. I'm looking forward to getting out of here. But we'll make it up to him."
	Joey nodded and watched him continue packing. "Are you guys driving or flying?"
	"Flying." JC gave him a look as though he were crazy. "Like we'd have time to drive?"
	"It doesn't take over a night," Joey objected. "I've done New York to Florida in a day with overnight."
	JC shook his head. "I can't do that. Was it just you driving?"
	"No. I switched off with one person."
	"See? Doesn't work. Curly can't drive."
	Joey smirked and leaned against the dresser. "Teach him."
	"Yeah, for all those interstates and driving in DC. Have you ever driven around there? Or on 95? Yeah right. And with his attention span. I'm so sure." 
	Joey grinned. "True. What time's your flight leave?"
	"In four hours." JC rolled his eyes. "I've really got to get going."
	"JC, chill. You've got time. You'll just be there for a couple of days." Joey looked over at JC's bag. "You don't have to pack too much."
	JC smiled. "You think I'll pack too much? Well, then you want to see something funny?" He started for the door and gestured for Joey to follow.
	"What?" Joey followed him just to the next room, Justin's.
	They spotted Justin half in his closet, some shirts and pants at his feet as he went through hangers of clothing. He turned as he heard them enter. "What?" he asked.
	"Just seeing how you were doing packing," JC replied slowly as he walked over to the bag Justin had open on his bed. "And I see, as I predicted, you've packed for a month long trip to Europe. Not a two day trip to see my parents."
	Joey laughed as he watched JC muse through the layers of clothes in Justin's bags. There did appear to be a closet's worth in there. It was already over the top and didn't look like it would be easy close. Yet Justin had still be in his closet when they walked in.
	"I mean, Justin, for real." JC looked at him. "Is this a fashion show?"
	Justin walked over, to defend his packing, a stubborn look in his eye. "What are you talking about?"
	"Joey was just saying I didn't need to pack much and it shouldn't take long, and so it made me think of you, who I knew was packing as if you were never coming home."
	"That's not funny." Justin shook his head. He pushed JC down on the bed and went to shut his suitcase. 
	"It is funny," JC replied as he got up from the bed. 
	"Do you always pack like that?" Joey asked. 
	"Like what?" Justin insisted.
	"See, Joe, you just never noticed because we were actually going to Europe for a month," JC explained. "But he always makes sure he has a million coordinating outfits and accessories." 
	"Ah." Joey nodded with a teasing smile of understanding. "Like my sister." 
	"Both of you shut up," Justin answered. 
	"What's in here anyway?" Joey opened the suitcase back up and started to look through the clothes. "I don't think I even own this many clothes." 
	"It's not that much," Justin objected. "And I don't know how the weather will be. My mom said to pack for warm and cold."
	JC laughed. "Okay, but you don't need all of this, alright?"
	"Is it too heavy, you think?" Justin asked.
	"Justin... You could probably just take a carryon and have enough for the weekend..." Joey replied. "It's only two days..." 
	"But I don't know what I need...."
	"But think... Are you going wear all of this in two days?"
	Justin shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed. "JC, what are you packing?"
	"About half that amount," JC answered with a laugh. "Definitely don't keep going through the closet."
	"I think you're both done packing," Joey spoke up. 
	Justin looked at his bag, unconvinced but then decided they were probably right. After all, the bag did look pretty stuffed. And it was only two days... He sighed, and looked at Joey. "Are you still going to the beach?"
	"That's the plan."
	"Don't burn or I bet Johnny'll be mad."
	"You are looking at Joey Fatone, little man. This skin only tans."
	"Well, don't get too tan and make us look bad." 
	Joey laughed and rolled his eyes. "Sure thing. I don't think I'll get much considering it's February. Even if we go down to Miami. And don't you two kill each other and make the group look really bad."
	"Kill him?" JC echoed.  
	"No, JC. It'd be the other way around," Justin corrected.
	"Oh, I bet." JC had walked over to Justin's closet and was starting to push the scattered clothes on the floor back in with his foot. "And how would that go, exactly?"
	Justin watched JC close his closet. "JC. I'm five seconds from messing with your room. Leave my stuff alone."
	"I was helping."
	"You're not, though. Get out of it."  
	"Is there about to be some Mousketeer malice?" Joey began. "Because in that case, I may go to my place and get ready for my own weekend…" 
	"Is Lance going back to Mississippi?" Justin asked.
	"That was what he wanted to do," Joey acknowledged. "I think they were going to drive. I'm going to drop by and say hey to him before I go."
	"That'll be cool," JC replied. "Tell him we said congratulations again, alright?"
	"Sure."
********* 
	 Clouds rolled in and a thunderstorm settled over Orlando. According to the Weather Channel, it wouldn't last very long. However, because of the lightning and the winds, Justin and JC's flight was delayed.
	JC was annoyed because the drive to Orlando International had been infested with unexpected traffic. He hated driving in traffic and he hated thinking he might be late. Then when they were getting out of the car, JC had asked Justin to make sure he had his ID ready for when they checked their bags. 
	"I forgot about that," Justin answered. "Duh."
	"Duh," JC echoed, trying not to sound irritated. "What do you mean, you forgot?"
	"I mean I have it, JC, don't worry. Just that it's at the bottom of my bag." 
	JC sighed and gave Justin's big and heavy bag an accusing glare. "Well, find it then, J, will you?" 
	It was hard enough for Justin to even have an ID.  JC had a couple options, whether it be his his driver's license or his passport. For Justin, however, who wasn't close to getting his license all he had was his passport. That wasn't easily slipped into a wallet. Instead it was at the bottom of his tightly packed bag.
	At this point, JC had no idea that their flight was delayed; he was only hopeful that it wouldn't be, knowing just of the rain outside and the radio weather report but anxious to get home. He watchhed Justin casually go through his bag in the parking garage, talking about something that JC wasn't listening to. It was then, running late and now had this new obstacle, that he guessed that he was certainly a prime candidate for hypertension. He could just feel his blood pressure rising.
	But Justin was in a good mood and the last thing he needed was a moody Justin to bother him for a whole flight trying to make him pay attention to him. Right now Justin was just ecstatic that he was going with him. However, at the same time, Justin was finding everything that JC was finding as an annoyance to be amusing. He hadn't minded the traffic, and now didn't mind the challenge to get the passport. So JC tried not to let him know how much this was bugging him.
	"How could you pack it there?" JC began, looking down at Justin, thankful Justin couldn't see the impatience in his expression. "You knew you'd need an ID."
	"I don't know. I guess I was too preoccupied wondering if I'd overpacked," Justin replied, his sarcasm lighthearted.
	It may as well have been bitter saracasm though, because the comment in itself made JC want to yell at him. Instead he just replied, "You always overpack."
	"Yeah, well…" Justin's hand dug deeper into his bag. "Here it is. Got it." He held up the tiny blue booklet proudly. 
	"Good. Now zip up. Come on. We're late, Justin…" 
	"What's up your ass?" was Justin's snotty reply as he did just that and stood up. "We won't miss it." 
	JC refrained from answering. Justin acted like the plane would wait for them. 
	They made their way to the end of the parking garage to take the elevator down to the terminal level. Then it was on the moving walkways towards the other elevators that would lead them to the terminal.
	When they stepped onto the moving walkway, Justin put his bag down.
	"No, walk with it," JC insisted. "Then we can get there faster." He looked at Justin impatiently. At this point they were moving but it wasn't even fast enough to match pace with an average brisk walker not on the moving sidewalk. If they walked with the moving walkway… JC was always annoyed at people that didn't walk with it.
	"No…" Justin objected. "My bag is heavy." 
	"Well, Justin, for God's sake. We went over that."
	"Yours is heavy too…"
	"But I can carry mine. I can walk with it."
	"I can too. But why do you have to walk on this when it's already moving?"
	"To go faster…" JC took a deep breath. Don’t get upset with him, he urged himself. Don't make the beginning of this trip any more hellish. "Kid, you go faster if you walk with it."
	"Well, of course you do. But we're really not that late. What's your rush, JC?"
	JC dropped his bag. "Justin."
	"Do you think it's raining at the beach for Joey or just inland?" Justin wanted to know. "I asked you before but you didn't answer."
	"Justin."
	"What's your problem, JC?" Justin persisted. He reached over to poke JC in the ribs. "What…? This trip's supposed to be relaxing."
	"Relaxing if we ever get there."
	"We will, man. Chill. What beach was Joey going to? Was he going to go south? It's not really beach weather yet." 
	"It's my trip."
	"What is? This is? I know. C, I know. Really"
	"We're late."
	"Not really…" Justin reached over and took JC's hand to see the watch on his wrist. "Just a little bit." 
	JC pulled his hand away. "Well, there might be lines."
	"They let you jump the line if your flight is coming up. They call out your flight." Justin shrugged. "I've seen them do it." 
	"Wouldn't you prefer to be on time? So that we could be relaxed? So I could be relaxed?"
	"Look, we're almost to the end of this thing anyway," Justin began. He pointed and sure enough the walkway was nearly to the end. 
	"I think Joey was right," was all JC muttered in reply, picking up his bag again.
	"What?"
	"I just may kill you before this vacation is over." 
	Justin smiled. "No. Your mom likes me. So you can't do that."
	"Maybe if I stage it." 
	"Not while she's there."
	"Then at night when no one is around." 
	"Come on, JC." Justin's expression fell slightly. "What'd I do?"
	"Nothing." JC shook his head. "Pick up your bag, Justin."
	Justin rolled his eyes and picked up his bag as they reached the end of the moving walkway. "Relaxation is a state of mind, Jayce. You can't be relaxed because of anyone but yourself." 
	JC ignored him. 
	When they reached the check-in for their airline, that was when JC looked up at the electronic boards that have the flights and times. 
	"No…" he groaned.
	"What?" Justin asked.
	"It's late. The fucking plane is late."
	"So we are on time, see?" Justin began with a smile. "See, JC? No rush. And we can watch the storm from the terminal windows. Won't that be cool?"
	JC just shook his head. Then he forced himself to say, "Yes, Justy. That's cool." 
	"I love the lightning."
	"Yeah." 
	Justin patted him on the arm. "JC. We'll get there."
	"I know. It's just, this weekend's short enough."
	"Yeah," Justin agreed. "But it'll be good." 
******
	"Oh, I was wondering if it was the weather…" 
	JC sighed into the phone. He had called his mother to let her know of the delay, since she would be the one picking them up. "Yeah. Stupid storm. You know it'll be gone within the hour but it's causing some problems."
	"Well, no difference. As long as you're coming, right?"
	"Yeah."
	"You don't sound very excited, Josh."
	"Oh, I am, mom," he objected. "I am. It's just that I'm tired and little things are driving me insane. And it's only a weekend, you know what I mean? Then we have to get back to work."
	"Is this coming from my son, the workaholic?" 
	He laughed. "Yeah. I know. There's other things too though. Not just the hours."
	"Like what?" She sounded concerned. 
	"Not over the phone. I don't have enough quarters for that."
	"Alright..." she agreed reluctantly. "Well, how's Justin?" 
	"He's perfect," JC answered, glancing behind him towards the bathrooms. Justin had run in while JC was on the phone. "I don't think he's at all phased that we have to sit here for an extra hour and a half."
	"Well, try to let him rub off on you, honey." Karen laughed. "It sounds like you need to relax a little bit. Is he happy to come?"
	"Are you kidding me? I'm starting to wonder what would've happened if I hadn't told him that he could." 
	"Well, he should know he can come whenever he wants. He's always welcome here."
	"You might regret saying that."
	"Oh, JC. Stop…"
	"Hey, I can say anything I want about him." JC looked again and this time Justin was approaching. "As long as it's me."
	"He's been a good friend to you, JC. I think it's amazing, with the group and all. You two have been so close for so long."
	"Yeah. I just hope he and Ty don't fight," JC was about to comment more but Justin was within earshot now and a second later was at his side. 
	"They've always kind of clashed, huh?" Karen agreed. "I think it's too much alikeness."
	"Maybe." JC looked at Justin, who was now leaning against the wall beside him. "J, you wanna say hi?"
	Justin nodded as Karen replied, "Sure."
	Justin took the phone from JC and put it to his ear, "Hello, JC's mom."
	"Hello, JC's friend," Karen replied. "How are you doing?"
	"I'm good. Did JC tell you our flight is delayed?"
	"Yes, he did. I'll have to call the airline again later to see what your landing time will be. I was surprised when I called just a little while ago and found out no one had even boarded."
	"And meanwhile JC was getting all ready to have a heart attack because he thought we were running late."
	"Well, then it worked out, didn't it?"
	"Yep. I told him it would work out. We're on time now. Well, not really but on time now that it's been delayed. In fact, we're really early."
	Karen laughed. "That is true. You're always the optimist."
	"I'm the optimist," Justin agreed. "Your son is such a pessimist sometimes, you know."
	Karen laughed. 
	JC tapped Justin's arm. "You're going to run out of time. Let me say bye, okay?"
	Justin conceded. "JC wants me to give him the phone back. I'll see you soon."
	"Okay, Justin," Karen replied. "I love you."
	"Love you too." Justin handed the phone to JC, rolling his eyes at him. He waited for JC to finish up and hang up the phone before saying, "There was a girl in the bathroom."
	"In the men's room?"
	"Well, that is the one I went in. I think."
	JC laughed. "You think?"
	"It was. There were other guys in there. But there was a girl."
	"Maybe a feminine man?"
	Justin giggled. "No… She had… You know." He gestured to his chest.
	JC raised his eyebrows. "Really. Well, was she cleaning or something?"
	"No."  
	JC eyed his smile. "Well you don't seem too upset by it. Not like that girl in Germany, huh?"
	"No. Not this time. This time it was kind of funny. I don't think she spoke English. And she was hot enough that none of the guys cared." 
	"Oh, that's sad, Justin…"
	"Well, JC, that's why they put pictures on the doors. Of a stick figure with a skirt and one without a skirt. So that even if you don't know what 'man' means, it's pretty obvious. It's been almost the same picture everywhere we've traveled."
	"Maybe they all wear skirts in her culture."
	Justin made a face. "You think that's possible?" 
	"Why? You wouldn't wear a skirt?"
	"JC!" Justin replied, horrified. "No!" 
	JC shook his head and laughed. "Well, then we'll try not to go there. Come on. I want to go check the time of our flight again. You hungry?"
	"I want to look in the stores." The airport had a variety of stores from clothing to magazines to golfing equipment. They all looked inviting and a couple had caught his eye that he hadn't gone into last time.
	"Maybe," JC answered. "Depends on the time because we might want to head towards the gates."
	Justin wrinkled his nose. That required going through the metal detectors and then taking the monorail towards the gates. He couldn't remember what was by the gates but he knew the majority of stuff was here in the main terminal.
	"Are you hungry or not?" JC persisted.
	"Always."
*******
	They got fast food and found an empty table. Justin studied JC as he took a bite of his burger. "You less nervous now?"
	"Nervous?" JC echoed as he chewed.
	"Yeah, all day almost you've been nervous. Like we're going to miss the flight or we forgot something..."
	"No, it's fine. I just feel like we're always go, go, go... You know? So I feel like it all needs to be planned out and on time."
	"Just breathe..."
	"I know. I'll try." 
	Silence passed between them. Around them conversations buzzed and the loud speaker made some muffled announcements about flights. Justin chewed on a french fry; then he took a deep breath and spoke again. 
	"I miss the group," he said.
	JC looked at him, reaching for a drink of his soda before he spoke. "What do you mean? You miss the guys?"
	"I don't know. Doesn't it feel weird not to be practicing today?"
	JC shrugged. "Yeah, in a way. We haven't been apart for a while, working."
	"Lance looked happy today," Justin continued, in reference to the graduation. "I was thinking. Did he graduate early?"
	"Early? You mean since it's February?" 
	"Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, if he was still in school, would he have graduated?"
	"Um…" JC frowned and thought about it. "Well, he's almost two years older than you are, right? He'll be eighteen in May? So as a senior, I guess he would have graduated in May, right? Or June? I don't know how they do it in Mississippi."
	"What would I be?"
	"Uh… I don't know, Justin. If you'd been in school? Um... Sophomore?"
	"And you'd be?"
	"Geez. You mean if I went to college? I'd probably be…" He tried to do the math. "I guess a sophomore too."
	"We'd both be sophomores?" Justin smiled then, thinking that was cool.
	"I think so, yeah. You're asking me to do this all off the top of my head."
	"So then Lance is graduating three months early?"
	"Well, I guess so, yeah. He was smart and I think he took a lot of credits when he was in school. Like some kids take a lot of study halls and then they have a lot to do to finish requirements their last year, you know? He was really ready to take the test."
	"Yeah."
	"But he gets a GED, which is different from a high school diploma so you can take it at different times. You'll get that too. You know all this." 
	"Yep." Justin ate a few fries. "I won't be three months early though, that's for sure."
	"Maybe you will be. It all depends on when you're ready to take the test, you know? You just have to cover a certain amount of things first."
	"I know."
	"But I certainly don't envy you in that respect, pal. I don't know how I'd handle that and all this at the same time." 
	"That makes me feel worse."	
	"Oh, I didn't mean it that way." JC frowned at him. "Please. You're doing fine. It's really not that bad. You have a lot more freedom doing it this way. And what I said just means the rest of us are impressed that you two can juggle both things."
	"It just bothers me, feeling like I'll never finish..." Justin sighed. "Never mind though... I guess I will, I just.... Why do I bring it up?"
	"I don't know, why do you?" JC asked. "Honestly, you only get yourself going when you do."
	"Okay."
	JC changed the subject. "Well, if you do really miss the guys, Joey gave me the number of his friend's he'll be at. I have the number of Lance's parents in Mississippi too. And Chris you can try at home, because he didn’t know what he was doing."
	"Do they have your parents' number?"
	"They should." 
	"You think they'll call?"
	"Frankly, no. But you never know." JC laughed. "I mean, it's only two nights away, Justin."
	"I know. It just feels weird." He paused. "Where am I going to sleep?"
	"I can make Tyler give you his room. Or you can sleep with me in my room. Whichever you'd prefer."
	"I'll sleep in your room." Justin ate a fry. "'Cause, you know, I don't want Ty hunting me down or anything for stealing his bed."
	"You can't kill my brother, you know."
	"Why would you say that?"
	"Because I know within ten minutes of getting home, you and him are going to have some sort of huge challenge set up. In some sport. I don't know which. And someone is going to get hurt."
	"He'll get hurt, if anyone gets hurt," Justin replied stubbornly.
	"See?"
	"You know, you brought it up."
	"To make a point. And you fell beautifully into my trap. Thank you." 
	"Shut up..."
	JC just laughed. "C'mon... But seriously. You two are way too competitive, okay? You can't always be at each other's throats." 
	"We're not."
	"I just want to make sure you get to relax too."
	"You're the one that needs to relax..." 
*******
	 Karen was at the airport to meet them at the baggage claim when they arrived. She grinned when she saw them, her face lighting up. 
	"Oh, you two look so great." She embraced JC and then Justin, giving them both a kiss on the cheek. "How was the flight? Finally took off?"
	"Yep," JC answered. "And long after the rain stopped, may I add."	
	"We sat on the runway a long time," Justin said. 
	"But you're here," Karen answered, patting her son on the back. "And you're going to have a weekend of some good R&R."
	JC smiled. "Sounds good to me."
	"Just what the doctor ordered, right? How many bags do you have? Just two?" she asked, looking around to see which baggage carousel their things would come from. "Recognize any people from your flight?"
	"Over there," Justin replied. 
	"Alright, let's hope they know where they're going and let's get your stuff." 
********
	"I tried to clean," Karen apologized as she led them into the house. 
	"Mom, please." JC rolled his eyes. "Don't clean for me. Or Justin. Neither of us care."
	"Or notice," Justin admitted with a shrug. "It always looks clean." 
	"Well, I had to try," she answered. She reached the stairs and called up, "Tyler! Heather! Guess who's here?" She turned back to them. "They're so excited to see you again, Josh. They were so glad you could come."
	"Too bad it's so short," JC answered. 
	A moment later his two siblings came flying down the stairs with grins on their faces. Heather hugged both Justin and JC, and gushed over them. Tyler gave JC a hug and then grinned at Justin.
	"Have you improved your fade-away yet?" he asked challengingly.
	Justin smiled. "Have you even attempted it?" 
	"I can still make more free throws than you."
	"You still can't stop my drive." 
	"Come here, you," JC began, tugging at Tyler's sleeve and sliding his arm around his younger brother's shoulders. "You two haven't changed at all. Be nice."
	"We are being nice," Tyler replied. "Aren't we, Justin?"
	"Definitely." 
	"Oh, guess what, Justin?" Tyler persisted, stepping away from JC. "Dad lowered the hoop last week, and you can actually dunk. It's back up regulation height now, but he said it's easy to put down."
	"Really?" Justin brightened. 
	"Oh, Josh, I forgot to ask you," Karen began as Justin and Tyler continued to speak civilly to one another. "Did Lance get our card? For his graduation?"
	"I don't know," JC acknowledged. "I didn't ask him. I’m sure he did though."
	"We sent it over a week ago." 
	"I'm sure he got it, mom." JC nodded. "I'll ask him when I talk to him. It's been so busy, and with him getting the test results back and letting his family know..." 
	"How does that work?" Heather began. "I mean, how does school work when you're not in class?"
	"They did it through the University of Nebraska.... They have this thing…" JC answered with a shrug. "A way for kids that can't be at school to get their GED, through hired tutors and stuff. So Lance and Justin still have work like they would if they were in school, but no typical class."
	"You don't have to go to class," Tyler spoke, giving Justin a jealous look. "You are so lucky." 
	Justin shook his head. "I have tutors though."
	"Still. You don’t have five days a week, getting up at ungodly hours to go to the same old building with AARP qualifying teachers."
	"Yeah, but I still have to get up at ungodly hours, and it's one on one so you can't zone out, and I have a lot to do on the side of that." 
	"I don't know… I think I'd rather do that."
	Justin shrugged.
	"The grass is always greener on the other side," Karen commented with a smile. 
	"Especially when it's snowing in DC and they've got sun in Florida," Tyler answered.
	"Right." JC grinned. "But we're rarely in Florida."
	"Traveling must be so cool," Heather said.
	"Yeah, but it's more working than traveling," JC explained. "So it's a little different."
	"But still.. I've never been anywhere," she persisted. 
	"I have some pictures. I'll have to show you later. Remind me." 
	"Well, let's get your bags upstairs, guys." JC's mom smiled. 
********
	JC helped his mother set the table for dinner while Justin and Tyler battled each other at video games, their eyes glued to the TV in the family room. As JC set plates on the table, he gave his mother a smile and said, "I don't know which one is more of a smartass."
	"It's a close call," Karen admitted, stirring at the stove. "But they haven't really been fighting with each other."
	"Yeah... But every single time I put them together, it turns into a competition. Even that video game. Sure it looks just like they're having fun, but I assure you, it's a competition."
	"Well, they're competing for you," Karen answered slowly.
	"Me?"
	"For your attention. That's why they're always doing that, Josh."
	"Come on."
	"No, really. It has nothing to do with each other. They get along fine, really. They actually have a lot in common. But it's just… Tyler is your brother, honey. And he feels left out when you're with those other four guys for the whole year."
	"Well, I can't help that I'm not around all the time. I mean, it's my job and―"
	"He knows that, honey. I'm not saying he holds it against you. But jealously is a natural thing. He envies them. He misses you. And especially with Justin, when you two are nearly glued together."
	"Mom, you're reading into things."
	"Not really... I mean, it's obvious, Josh. With Tyler, what do you honestly expect the poor kid to think? Meanwhile, Justin's coming from almost the same thing. He knows Tyler's your brother, but he's your brother too. He's so used to you paying him mind and so you can't blame him for feeling the same territorial urge."
	JC rolled his eyes, going to get utensils. "Sure."
	"Honestly, Josh. If you look at it this way, they'd really make a lot more sense to you. That's what the competition is about. That and the fact that they're just two very competitive boys in general." 
	JC looked at her. "Has Ty ever said anything to you?"
	"No. He did ask if Justin was coming though."
	"And when you said yes?"
	"I don't know. He likes Justin. They're really the same age, a lot of the same interests. They've gotten along great, and they like having someone with as much energy around. But it's just when it comes down to who gets you."
	"Well, that's ridiculous."
	"It's not all that far-fetched…"
	JC shrugged.
	"Don't forget to put the milk out," Karen answered. 
******* 
	JC had no intent on going to bed early. Especially if they were here for such a limited amount of time. He wanted to do as much as he could. So when the clock struck seven-thirty and JC had finished going through pictures of Europe with Heather and then talking with his mom and dad about what they'd been doing recently, he sought out his brother and Justin. 
	"How are you two still playing this?" JC asked, finding them in front of seemingly the same video game that they'd been playing before dinner.
	"This isn't the same one," Tyler answered. "This one's different. Justin's never played this one before."
	"But I'm still winning," Justin added.
	"You are not."
	"I am too. Aren't you looking? I've killed eight more people than you."
	"Yeah, but I found the thing behind the rocks and so I have more points than you do anyway."
	"But I have more lives than you do so―"
	"It's whoever has more points."
	"When yours dies then―" Suddenly Justin broke off as JC stepped in front of the TV. "Hey," he objected.
	"What are you doing?" Tyler demanded. "JC, c'mon. What's the deal?"
	"I'm not spending this weekend watching you two sit in front of the TV," JC answered. "That's what the deal is." 
	"But I never get to sit in front of the TV," Justin complained. "Can't we just relax?"
	JC mimicked his pathetic look. "Puh-lease, Justin."
	"He's never played this one before," Tyler restated. "I wanna show him." 
	"He has now, hasn't he?" JC answered, moving to turn the TV off. "You've both played it now." 
	"I won," Tyler said to Justin as the TV went black.
	"How? We didn't finish," Justin retorted.
	"But when we finished, I was in the lead so―"
	"It doesn't count."
	"It does too!"
	"No it doesn't. Not when someone turns it off." 
	"Guys!" JC persisted. "For God's sake. I guess neither of you want to go out with me?"
	"Go out where?" Tyler asked moodily, throwing his controller at his brother. It hit his leg. 
	"I don't know." JC sighed. "That's what I was coming in here to ask you guys." 
	"Let's get ice cream!" Justin suggested.
	Tyler shot him a look. "That's so stupid. Ice cream? What are you, five? We can go somewhere cool."
	"What's cool then, Ty?" JC asked him, rolling his eyes slightly. J "Where do you want to go?"
	"I don't know. It was your idea to go out, I thought you had a plan." Tyler shrugged.
	"So far, ice cream's the only idea," JC replied.
	"Ice cream," Justin agreed.
	"Tyler, that good with you?" JC asked. "I mean, we can go somewhere else if you think of something, but as a start." 
	His little brother sighed. "Fine." 
	"Good." JC stretched his memory to think of a place close by that would have ice cream. "We can go to Friendly's, how's that? They have good ice cream. You think Heather wants to go?"
	"She has a date," Tyler replied. "At eight."
	"A date?" JC widened his eyes. "My little sister has a date?"
	"With Tom," Tyler persisted, making an exaggerated face. "The other night, she was coming home with him, and they stayed on the front step for a half hour. A whole half hour. And then―"
	"Tyler, were you spying on her?" JC asked.
	"No." 
	"I'll ask her if she wants to go anyway. Can you go ask mom if I can take her car and get the keys?" 
	 Justin watched both of them leave, sitting on the floor still. He put his controller down and then crawled forward to put the TV back on. He smiled when the screen reappeared. They had never turned off the game; JC had just turned off the TV. His character was still alive and Tyler's was dead.
	"Tyler!" he exclaimed as he got to his feet. Then he thought better and reached down for his controller, pausing it. Then he ran towards the den where Tyler had gone to find Karen.
	"The keys are in my purse," Karen was saying to Tyler. She was sitting on the couch reading the paper. "The outer zipper. It's in the kitchen."
	"Tyler," Justin began with a mischievous grin.
	"What?" Tyler turned to him, eyeing his smile suspiciously. 
	"I won." 
	"Like hell you did." Tyler made a face.
	"Tyler Chasez," Karen scolded. "Don't talk like that."
	Tyler sent his mother an exasperated look. "Please, Mom. Can you tell this loser that I won the game?"
	"Tyler. Video games are just games. It doesn't matter who wins."
	"I won, though," Justin insisted.
	"No, you didn't! I had more points when JC turned it off." 
	"Boys..." Karen warned. 
	"Your guy died!" Justin replied. "He's dead and mine's still alive, so it really doesn't matter if you had more points."
	"Josh turned off the game," Tyler retorted. "So you can't say that."
	"Uh-uhn. I paused it. It's still on the TV." Justin grinned.
	Karen shook her head. "Justin. Tyler. Look at me."
	The two boys turned to her, both with identical stubborn looks on their faces. She looked at them and smiled. "Don’t expect to find that Nintendo system when you two get home. I'm hiding it while you're gone."
	"Mom," Tyler objected. "That's stupid."
	"Well, fighting about it is stupid. You two are going to give JC a headache. He wants to take you guys out." 
	"We're not fighting," Justin objected.
	"No?" Karen answered.
	"Nah. We're just discussing. Right, Tyler?"
	Tyler nodded. "Right. Can't we have opinions?"
	Karen's eyes moved to behind them as JC entered the room. She rolled her eyes at him in illustration of her frustration with the teenagers. JC walked over and wrapped an arm around each of the two, asking, "Are we almost ready to go?"
	"I have to grab the keys," Tyler began, slipping out from under JC's arm and walking out of the room.
	JC tightened his arm around Justin. "Mom, who's this Tom dude that Heather would rather be with than her cool famous brother?"
	"Tom is a very nice boy, Josh." Karen smiled. "They've been going out for a couple weeks now." 
	"Maybe I should wait around and meet him."
	"No," Justin whined. "Don't. We want to go."
	"Justin," JC squeezed his shoulders, "I need to see what kind of character my dear little sister is seeing."
	"She is eighteen," Karen said. "Not quite so little, Josh. And he's a nice boy. Blue mohawk, likes ripped clothing, doesn't wear shirts so he can show off the tattoo of an eagle on his back, pierced nose, and―"
	"Mother," JC interrupted. "Thank you. I'm glad you can use your imagination at my expense."
	Justin laughed. 
	"I'm not kidding though," Karen replied.
	"You are too," JC answered. "I can see it in your eyes. Whatever. We have a date ourselves. With ice cream."
	"Have fun," Karen answered with a chuckle. 
	Justin and JC left the den and met Tyler at the front door, where he jingled the keys to the car in JC's face. "I can drive, you know."
	"Tyler," JC objected, as he grabbed his coat off the hook. He grabbed Justin's and handed it to him, then Tyler's. "You're not even sixteen."
	"Almost. And dad's been letting me."
	"That's ridiculous. I didn't even get to be behind the wheel before I passed the written test and had my permit." JC pulled his coat on, zipping it up.
	"Ha ha," Tyler replied. "Guess I'm just better than you were." He looked at Justin. "Do you have your permit yet?"
	"No," Justin admitted. 
	"Why not?"
	"Because..."
	"That's lame. Aren't you sixteen already?" 
	"He hasn't had time," JC answered. "And if he did have his permit, he wouldn't have the time to practice either. We're never in the US." 
	"I've driven though," Justin added.
	JC pulled open the front door and gave Justin a skeptical look. "When?" he wanted to know.
	"You remember," Justin objected, pushing JC out the door playfully. "You and Joey were in the car. Well, it was me and Joey going to get something, like plates or cups or ice, I don't know... And then―"
	"I remember!" JC exclaimed with a laugh. "Oh my God. I do."
	"Did you hit anything?" Tyler asked.
	"No." Justin rolled his eyes.
	"I hit a garbage can," Tyler conceded as they walked towards the car. "Pulling out of the driveway."
	"That's not too bad." Justin eyed the car and quickly turned to JC. "Can I sit in the front?"
	"Give me the keys, Ty." JC put out his hand.
	"Only if I can sit in the front," Tyler replied, giving Justin a look.
	"I asked first," Justin retorted.
	JC looked at them both, wishing that Heather was coming because Heather was an awesome mediator. She would sit in the front and they would have to sit in the back. He couldn't stand how Tyler and Justin were constantly like this. His mother was right. They got along great. But then there was that competition. He didn't want to deal with it. Sometimes being the big brother was annoying. 
	"Fine. Both of you sit in the back," JC answered, walking around to the driver's side.
	"JC!" Justin exclaimed. "Then you're like a cab driver!"
	"I don't care." JC got in the car and shut the door.
	"Look what you did." Justin glared at Tyler. "You pissed him off."
	"Me?" Tyler echoed. "You started the argument!"
	"How did I start it?"
	"You did. You asked and it's like… You're the one that won't even let me have five minutes alone with my brother!"
	Justin stared at him. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me."
	"No. I'm not. I can't even sit in the passenger's seat? It's a load of crap."
	Justin's eyes stayed on him for a moment longer, feeling anger build up inside. How dare he say that, was all he could think. Is that what he really thought?
	"He came to visit us," Tyler continued. "And I can't even get a minute without you there!"
	"Fine," Justin answered. "You know what? Fuck you. Sit in the passenger's seat. Sit wherever you want to." And with that, he stalked back towards the house. 
	"Justin!" Tyler yelled, watching him go. He was a little surprised, and also a little regretful of the way he let his words come out. He did somewhat feel that way, but he knew it wasn't a nice thing to say. He panicked, glancing back at the car. If JC was annoyed at them before, he'd be pissed now. But Tyler never expected Justin to react like that. He watched him disappear inside the house. 
	JC hadn't started the car yet. Instead he'd watched them through the windshield, waiting to see what they would do. He'd hoped that they'd realize how stupid they were and say something along the lines of, okay you can sit in the front on the way there and then I'll sit there coming back. He started to wish he'd suggested that instead of telling them to sit in the back. 
	But now he saw angry faces and Justin suddenly disappearing inside the house.
	"Dammit," he said out loud to the car. He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel, luckily missing the horn. "God damn children."
	He got out of the car, stuffing the keys in his pockets before closing the door so he wouldn't lock them all out, and walked around to Tyler, giving him a look. "What'd you do?"
	"What?" Tyler asked. "I didn’t..."
	"You didn't what?" JC answered sharply. "What happened, Ty?"
	"Nothing!" Tyler shook his head. "It's stupid! JC, can't we go without him?"
	"Why'd he go inside, Ty?"
	"How should I know? Shouldn't you know? He's your friend, after all."  
	JC gave him an annoyed look. "You're still such a kid, Tyler. You really haven't changed at all, have you?"
	"I didn't do anything!"
	"Well, you're sure not being very helpful right now, huh?"
	"Whatever, JC."
	JC took the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Tyler. "Here. Sit in the car. I'm going to go talk to him. Can't we all just chill together without all this drama?"
	"Does he have to come?" 
	JC studied him. "Ty... Come on..."
	"But you see him all the time..." 
	The look on his brother's face was both exasperating and kind of representative of everything Karen had said earlier. "I'll be back. I'm going to go talk to him," he repeated. 
	Tyler made a face. "How long's that going to take?"
	"Four hours," JC replied in exasperation. "Now just sit and wait for us."
	"Well, can I sit in the front?"
	"If you want," JC allowed with rolled eyes. "For God's sake, Tyler." He shook his head and walked towards the house. 
	When he got inside, it was quiet. He knew his mother was probably still in the den. His dad might have joined her. But the real detail on his mind was Justin. Stupid Justin. 
	He briefly looked in the family room and the kitchen before heading upstairs towards his own room. He looked in and saw nothing. No Justin. Then as he was just turning, he heard voices.
	Justin was in Heather's room, sitting on her floral patterned bed as she stood in front of the mirror, putting on mascara. There was some pop music playing on her stereo. Justin was saying something but when he noticed JC approaching through the doorway, he stopped.
	Heather turned from the mirror and looked at JC. "Hey, Josh. Again." She gave him a small smile. "Here to give me more dating advice?" 
	"Hey. What are you two talking about?" JC leaned in the doorway hesitantly.
	"Things," Heather replied gently. 
	"Things?"
	"Yeah, things." She turned back to the mirror. "He was telling me about how you guys have to wear makeup sometimes too."
	"Yeah. Sometimes," JC agreed. 
	"That's kind of funny. My big brother wearing makeup." She played with her hair. "Up or down?"
	"Down," Justin answered. 
	"Justin, can you come here?" JC gestured. "We need to talk."
	Justin shook his head and played with a loose thread on the bedspread. "JC, you and Tyler can go. I really don't want to."
	"You did though," JC replied. "What happened?"
	"Nothing. I think you should just go the two of you."
	"Let Heather get ready for her date and come here," JC persisted. "Come on."
	"I do need to change…" Heather began slowly, eyeing Justin on the bed. "I'll talk to you later, Justin, okay?"
	"Okay," Justin agreed reluctantly sliding off the bed slowl. He eyed JC in the doorway wearily as he approached. He really didn't feel like doing this right now. He wanted JC to go with Tyler, so they could have time together. Because Tyler was right. It wasn't really fair if he didn't get to spend time with his brother. But Justin didn't think it was fair to him either, and he wasn't sure he could curb his emotions for very much longer.
	Tyler's words still stung in his mind, sharp and clear in their irritation. He enjoyed hanging out with Tyler, but they both always had that edge. He wasn't really surprised at the words that had come out of his mouth, but then again, he was pretty earnest… Did he really mean it?
	He walked past JC and started towards JC's room, walking right in and going over flop down on his stomach on the bed. JC followed and flipped on the light as he walked in. 
	"Can I play your guitar?" Justin had turned his head and rested his cheek against the dark blue bedspread. He had a view of the guitar case standing in the corner.
	"I don't know." JC walked over and leaned against his dresser. 
	"Why don't you know?"
	"Because." JC sighed and then ran his hands over his face, up and down, like trying to rub away some thoughts. "So, Justin... What's the matter?" 
	"What do you mean?"
	"I mean, you should tell me what's the matter," JC replied. "My brother's waiting in the car."
	"Then go, don't keep him waiting." Justin took a deep breath. "Like I said, I really don't want to go anymore. You can go with him." 
	"What'd you say to him? Or what'd he say to you? I mean, is this from not being able to sit in the front?"
	"I don't care if he sits in the front." Justin muttered. "I don't care if I even go."
	"You wanted ice cream. It was your suggestion of where to go, remember?"
	Justin didn't answer. 
	JC pushed away from the dresser. "I shouldn't have brought you if I knew this was going to happen."
	Justin took a deep breath. "Maybe you shouldn't have." He turned his face into the mattress. 
	"Why not?" JC walked over.
	"You said it." Justin's voice was still garbled by his talking face down into the mattress.
	JC sat down at the edge of the bed. "Roll over and talk to me."
	Justin made no response.
	JC sighed and put his hand on Justin's back. He drummed his fingers against his sweatshirt for a moment and patted his back harder. "Okay, come on, man. Let's talk."   
	"No..." came the garbled response. "Just go with him..." 
	"You have to come. Remember, my rules? This is my bed. This is my room. This is my trip. So I get to pick what we do, right?"
	Justin turned his head to rest his cheek against the mattress again. He gave JC a watery eyed look. "Well, I don't want to go."
	"Did Tyler say something to you?" JC asked. "What'd he say? I'll go kick his ass if it's mean."
	Justin sighed. "JC..." 
	"You have been to Germany and back, you've signed a record deal, you've dealt with European paparazzi, you've endured hours of plane rides, you've dealt with a hung-over Joey, Chris's wrath, the worst hotel food―"
	"What's your point?"
	JC sighed and leaned down to put their faces closer. "My point… is that you've survived all that… But you can survive a comment made by my younger brother?"
	"He had a point," Justin objected. He turned his face back to the mattress.
	"Oh, come on, Justin." JC sat up abruptly. "Sit up." He patted Justin's back again. "Sit up and talk to me, you dufus." 
	 Justin obligingly sat up, frustration evident in his face. "JC, can't you just go out with him? Leave me here? You see me every day. He's waiting in the car…"
	"He's a good waiter." 
	"JC. I really mean it. Just go." 
	"But, Justin…" JC made a face. "Come on." 
	"Just let me relax here," Justin slid off the bed and walked towards the window, looking outside. "You're with me every second."
	"What'd he say?"
	Justin wondered if Tyler had told JC what was bothering him? He wondered why he'd even come. Tyler had a right to have just his family around. It was like what Justin's own mother had told him the other day. Family time. Maybe Justin should have stayed in Orlando and been with his family as well. That could've gotten his mom off his back a little bit, and then he'd never be feeling this mixture of guilt and unhappiness that he was feeling right now. But he'd come because the thought of not seeing any of the guys over the weekend had just been too foreign. 
	Justin tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat as he thought about it.
	What was it JC had said when he was warning Justin about the two of them, before they ever been got here? Before they'd even gotten on the plane? It flashed in his mind.
	He'd said, 'Someone is going to get hurt.' And what had Justin answered? 'He'll get hurt, if anyone gets hurt.' And he'd been right. Tyler was the one hurt. 
	But Justin felt hurt too. He wondered if that counted for anything.
	"I want to go home," he spoke up. His breath had fogged up the window so he shifted his stance and moved to look out another pane. "And if you don't leave me here, I will."
	JC stared at Justin's back, a little surprised. He'd never heard Justin say that to him. Sure in Germany, sure in some foreign country where it was cold and people they worked with were sometimes blood sucking bastards. Then Justin cried about wanting to go home desperately at times. But not here. Not with JC in his home. 
	 "Why do you say that, Justin?" JC couldn't think of how to reply.
	Justin turned around to face him and replied in exasperation, "Can't you just go?" with a flushed face, eyes flashing. "How many times do I have to ask you?" 
	JC would swear that Justin was about to burst into tears. "Justin."
	"Stop," Justin wanted to yell it. "Go! He's waiting and I don't even want to go anyway, so just leave."
	"How can I go with you here thinking God knows what?"
	"Easy. Just walk out the door, and go!" Justin's voice was louder now, frustrated. "Why can't it just be the two of you? Why's it got to be the three of us?"
	"Justin, I ―"
	Heather appeared in the doorway, looking annoyed. "Can you two not be yelling when Tom comes over?"
	"We're not yelling," JC objected.
	"Sure, well can you just talk less like yelling then?"
	"Heather, tell JC to go," Justin pleaded, whining. "Please tell him to go. I want to stay here." 
	Heather looked at him briefly and then turned to JC. "Why does he have to go if he doesn't want to?"
	"Because. Because he won't tell me why," JC persisted. He could sense a losing battle. 
	"Why?" Heather echoed. "Something tells me that you should go. You'll have fun with Tyler, who hasn't seen you in forever anyway. And Justin's had a long day, a long flight, and it was delayed so that's even more tiring, and he should just be able to relax if he wants."
	"How much does he pay you to take his side?" JC demanded as he got up off the bed.
	Heather gave him a look. "Josh. Can you please just go? If he wants to stay, he can stay."
	"Those aren't the reasons why," JC sighed.
	"Why not?" Heather replied. "I don't have time to mediate, Josh." She took a deep breath. "I have to get ready."  
	JC stood there and watched her go. He turned to Justin and started in a serious tone. "If I go, do you promise me to tell what the deal is when I come back?"
	Justin nodded hesitantly, looking meek.
	"Okay." JC sighed, not looking convinced. "As long as you promise."
	Justin allowed JC to give him the once over again and started slowly, "How come… Why don't you ask Tyler?"
	"Because I figured I could trust you to tell me."
	Justin's stomach twisted a little bit with that reply. He watched JC head towards the door.
	"Oh," JC started, turning to face him again as he reached the doorway. "By the way, if you touch my guitar, don't change the string settings, okay?"
	"Okay," Justin promised.
********
	Joey was eating fast food on the couch with five other friends of his when the phone rang. He didn't think anything of it and took another bite his double cheeseburger as his friend Rob got up to grab the phone.
	"Hello?" Rob answered, taking a swig of his beer. "Yeah, Joey's here. Who's this?" There was a pause. "Who's that?" Another pause. "You in his group?" 
	Joey got up, walking over as he swallowed the last bite of his burger and licked ketchup off his fingers. "Who is it?" he asked, putting his hand out to get the phone.
	"Just a second," Rob said into the phone. He looked at Joey. "Justin?"
	"Why is he calling me?" Joey wondered aloud as he took the phone. A brief flash of worry that something had happened went through him, but he ignored it. He wouldn't think anything until he talked to him. "Hello?"
	"Uh-oh," was the first thing Justin said on the other line. His voice sounded congested. "You know what I just thought." 
	"Justin?" Joey walked with the cordless phone into the kitchen to take a seat in privacy. "What, dude?" 
	"This is a long distance number… You think they'll mind it's a long distance number?"
	"No, they won't. Are you calling from Roy and Karen's?"
	"Yes." 
	"They won't mind. What's up?"
	"Where are you?"
	"Melbourne," Joey replied. "At a friend's." 
	"Oh…." Justin answered. "Oh. I didn't recognize the area code."
	"Justin?" Joey frowned. "What's the matter? Why are you calling me?"
	"Because…" Justin began. "Because, I tried Chris but I can't find him. And I don't want to call Lance… And you were there." 
	"Something the matter?" 
	"Can I come to the beach with you?"
	Joey frowned, rubbing at his eyes as he sighed into the phone. "Justin, what's the problem with where you are?"
	"Are you busy?"
	"No, I'm not busy. Why do you want to come to me?"
	"Because." Justin's voice adopted a whining quality. "I shouldn't have come with JC here…" 
	"Where is JC?"
	"He's out with Tyler," Justin answered. "Maybe I should have… I can just go home too, you know? Can't I?"
	"Justin. I don't even know what you're talking about."
	"I miss you," Justin began sadly. "I miss you a lot. I miss Chris. And I think we should all go home and start practicing again."
	Justin's tone surprised Joey. He suddenly became more sympathetic. There was some vulnerability in Justin, and when it appeared, they all became a bit more protective. "What happened? 
	"Tyler's mad I came," Justin replied. "And honestly, I shouldn't have come. He's right. I didn't think about it."
	"Tyler's mad? I thought you guys got along?"
	"Yeah…." Justin murmured. "Yeah…"
	"Well, why's he mad?"
	"Because. He wants to spend time with JC without me there."
	"Well, didn't you just say that's where he is now?" Joey asked. "You said he was out with JC?"
	"Yeah, but I was… I was going to go…"
	"What?" Joey leaned back in his chair. He could hear his friends laughing inside and wondered what they were talking about. Justin's whining sounded so juvenile to him, and just typically unnecessary. But he sounded so genuinely distraught so Joey didn't have the heart to tell him to suck it up and quit complaining, whatever it was that was bothering him.
	Justin began to recount the story. From the beginning with the Nintendo to going to the car and then making JC leave. His voice was shaky by the end of it.
	Joey, absorbing it all, merely said his name again. "Justin…" 
	"It sounds so stupid when I explain it!" Justin cried.
	It did. It really did. Joey didn't want to tell him that it simply was called sibling rivalry and to get over it. Justin had just never had siblings. He had the four of them but there wasn't a competition like that. The four of them catered to his needs and pampered him in any situation. They teased and pushed him around sometimes for being the baby, but there was never any typical sibling rivalry. He usually got the attention he wanted.
	Joey slowly replied, "It's not stupid." 
	"Doesn't Tyler have a point?"
	"Well, sure…" Joey admitted. "But… You have every right to be there… He knows that…"
	This was so not his territory. Joey wished he could get JC on the other line and just have them deal with it, but he couldn't do that. He tried to think of what JC would say, what sweet talking he would try, how he would fix it. 
	"I want to come home…" Justin persisted again. "Do you think I can?" 
	"Kid. You can't. You're there, and it's only for two days. Don't be a baby."
	Justin breathed into the phone, not replying. 
	"Two days," Joey repeated. He searched for a clock. Was it a reasonable time to tell Justin to go to bed?  
	Nine o'clock. Why the hell not?"
	"Justin, I think you should get to bed," Joey began. "You know? Sleep on it. And it won't be so bad in the morning... I bet you're tired."
	"Kind of," Justin admitted. "But JC wants me to talk to him when he gets back?"
	"You want to do that?"
	"No!"
	"Well, then if you're asleep, you can't, huh?"
	He got a laugh out of that. "Joey, you're smart."
	"Don't worry about stupid stuff, buddy, okay?" Joey persisted. 
	"Okay," Justin agreed. "Bye. I miss you."
	"I miss you too, kid," Joey sighed. "Good night." He turned off the phone and sighed. Leave it to Justin to make his weekend a soap opera. He decided to call back in an hour to talk to JC. 
	In the meantime, he headed back inside to his friends. He had fries to finish.
*******
	 "You said what?" JC demanded. He was pulling into the parking space as he said it and he hit the curb in his exasperation. He put the car in park and looked at Tyler in shock. 
	Tyler shrugged, taking off his seatbelt. "You heard me." 
	"Tyler. That is downright rude to say to someone." JC took off his seatbelt as well. "Did you mean it?"
	"In some ways…" Tyler looked a little ashamed as he peered out the window at the Friendly's sign. He wondered why they were still getting ice cream if Justin was the one that had wanted it. 
	"But, Ty, you know…"
	"It's true, JC." Tyler turned and gave his brother an irate look. "I mean, he's always there."
	"He is not always there." 
	"You always want people to confront things, JC," Tyler replied. "You always want people to say what they feel. Well, that's what I felt." 
	"Tyler, sometimes feelings are rash. You were too rash in saying that."
	"Was he upset?"
	"Well, of course, Ty. That's a mean comment to make."
	"Good."
	"What do you mean, good?" 
	"I mean, good. Good. He got my message."
	JC felt defensive. But he was caught between them. "I can't believe you said that, and you mean it, even now."
	"Yeah, I know. Justin's your best friend. Justin's a part of you. The group is your life. I get it, JC. Really, I do. I get it." 
	"You obviously don't get it," JC retorted. "You don't at all."
	"I thought maybe I'd at least see you as Josh for two days!" Tyler replied irritably. "Not as JC still."
	"I thought maybe you'd be a little more mature, Tyler."
	"How about him? How about his maturity?"
	"You're both at about the same level." 
	"You know, JC, you could at least give me credit for being honest," Tyler began stiffly. "To you and him." 
	"I appreciate the honestly," JC admitted. "I respect that, I really do. But Tyler..."
	"What, JC? The truth hurts sometimes, but I meant it. I wish you hadn't invited him!"
	"Justin is close to me, Tyler. I'm sorry. I thought it would be nice if he came."
	"Close to you?" Tyler echoed. "Close to you? What about me? What am I?"
	"I'm close you too, Ty. It's just different, you know? You know I love you more than anything."
	"It's not the same. It never has been! Even after your stupid show got canceled and I thought you were going to come home. You didn't. First LA and then Nashville. Not with us." 
	"When you get older and you have a career in mind," JC started angrily, "you'll learn there are some huge sacrifices you have to make to be successful."
	"Successful? How are you successful? Nobody's ever even heard of your group. You spend all your time in places I've never heard of."
	"Tyler, you're being obnoxious." JC glared. "Do you get that Really obnoxious."
	"You're obnoxious for bringing him. Bringing your work home! You always―"
	"That's what I am," JC retorted. "That's me. Justin is close to me. We're in the same boat, Tyler. And I'm sorry you feel differently. But there is no competition between you and him. You're my brother. You don't need to compete."
	"So I come second?"
	"Second to what?" JC sighed in exasperation, shaking his head. "No. Are you missing everything I'm saying to you?"
	"Second to him. No wait, I'm third! I forgot about the group in general!"
	"Tyler, why do you feel this way?"
	"Can't I have a brother? That's all I'm saying!"
	"Even if I wasn't in the group, Tyler. I'd be in college. I'd be away somewhere anyway."
	"I could at least have you for holidays then. Brad's brother goes to school in Michigan and he gets a month off for the holidays. He comes home for a whole month. You're never home for a month."
	JC looked at his brother sadly. It was true. Everything Tyler was saying really was true and it suddenly hit him. "I'm sorry, Tyler."
	"Not like I care, anyway. I wasn't expecting any different from you or him. I just kind of hoped." His voice was bitter.
	"I don't think you realize how much I was looking forward to seeing you…"
	There was a moment of silence.
	Tyler shrugged and took a deep breath. "Look, are we going to get ice cream or what?"
*******
	JC survived the next hour with his brother eating ice cream, changing the subject to Tyler's school and grades and hockey and basketball and teenager stuff. Their fight shifted out of their minds as Tyler talked about all this with a smile and an animated expression as he ate his sundae, almost as though the argument had never existed. JC enjoyed the taste of fudge and caramel and tried to calm down. 
	It was hard though. Because no one was really wrong in this situation. 
	Although the bitterness had disappeared from Tyler's voice, JC couldn't help but reflect on their argument. He couldn't believe Tyler could possibly feel this way, or understand fully the animosity that Tyler felt against Justin.
	He was right in a way of course, if it was all rationalized. But JC wasn't really into rationalizing. His life wasn't rational, so some things just didn't apply as they would in another realm of living. You couldn't just state things black and white. That wasn't fair or right. There was a lot of gray.
	He still couldn't fathom that Tyler had said that to Justin so bluntly. How he hadn't wanted him there, how he felt about his being there. How unwanted he was.  
	He felt awful. Tyler was his little brother. He loved him to death and would do nearly anything for him. Of course he hated the fact that Tyler felt like he had to compete with his career for attention, but deep down he also didn't feel like Tyler deserved any more time with him than Justin did.
	Wow. That sounded awful to say.
	But Justin was his family too. Justin was almost beyond family. The things that they had shared couldn’t compare to an average relationship with a friend or a brother. It was on an entirely different level. Justin and JC fed off each other; they understood each other. Nothing could come between that.
	Not even a little brother?
	Why should he have to compare, anyway? This was ridiculous? Feelings were so weird-how could he possibly put in words how he really felt?
	JC couldn't help the churning feeling of anxiety that he felt within him. He felt so guilty, but why? This wasn't his fault. Some things just were. As Tyler had rightfully said, the truth hurts. 
	Justin needed his attention. Justin needed things from him other people couldn't give because they just didn't understand. Their history was too deep. It really couldn't even be put tangibly. But JC had always felt comforted by the fact that at least Justin would need him. That was a certainty in his life. He had someone to take care of.
	Maybe that someone would have been Tyler if he had never met Justin. But he wasn't even too sure of that. Because it was different from brotherhood. And he was never there for Tyler to need. To him, Tyler seemed so independent.
	By ignoring the facts, JC and Tyler shifted back onto steady ground, although it was still a bit icy. But perhaps the best thing to do right now was to ignore the reality and focus on the two days they had together.
	This was kind of a big issue. JC wondered if he could fix it in two days and one night. Or if it was something he could fix at all.
	JC bought one of those to-go sundae cups out of the freezer when he was paying the check at the counter. Tyler watched him do it, knowing exactly who it was for, but said nothing. 
	Maybe some things were meant to be left alone.
********
	It was ten-fifteen when the two got home. They were quiet as they got out of the car and headed towards the house. When they reached the steps, JC tried to break the silence.
	"Do you have school tomorrow?" he asked.
	"Tomorrow's Sunday," Tyler answered as he opened the front door. "As for Monday, mom says I can stay home since you're here."
	"Oh, okay, cool." 
	JC shut the door behind them and locked it. Tyler had headed towards the rec room and JC didn't follow him. Instead he started up the stairs and towards his own room, the Friendly's bag with the ice cream in it in hand.	
	The lights were off and it was quiet. JC sighed and was about to turn away when he noticed the bed. His eyes adjusted to the light and he could see Justin was under the blankets. 
	"Justin?" JC asked, walking over carefully to the bed. He looked down and saw Justin's eyes closed, his face sweet and peaceful. His breathing was even and JC knew he was asleep. 
	JC reached down and patted Justin's curls. "Good night," he whispered. He looked at the bag in his hands. Justin would have to have his ice cream tomorrow.
	Justin shifted in bed, rolling onto his side. He murmured something.
	"Justin?" JC asked. "You up?"
	Justin grunted.
	"Okay." JC tapped his shoulder. "I got you ice cream." 
	"Mm," Justin answered.
	JC took that as a yes. "I'll be back up in a few minutes."
	Karen was heading up the stairs as JC started down. "Oh, Josh, hi… How was your night?"
	"Eventful…" JC started slowly. "I'll tell you tomorrow. Are you going to bed?"
	"Yeah, I think so. I'm tired. I noticed even Justin went in early."
	JC nodded. 
	"Good for him," Karen replied. "That poor child doesn't get half the amount of sleep he should at his age… I was concerned when I noticed he'd stayed home…"
	"I'll tell you tomorrow," JC promised. "Hence my eventful night."
	"Ah." She raised her eyebrows. "I see. Oh, by the way, Joey called. He wanted you to call him back."
	"When'd he call?"
	"Oh, just about fifteen minutes ago, actually." 
	"Alright. Good night." JC kissed his mother on the cheek.
	"Good night, honey."
	JC headed toward the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer. On the kitchen table he found a note in his mother's handwriting, saying Joey had called and with the number. So he grabbed the paper and then the cordless phone as he headed towards the den where he could talk in private.
	"Hello?" a voice answered the phone after JC dialed.
	"Hey, Joey?" JC sat down on the couch tiredly.
	"Oh, hey, JC, what's up? Your mom tell you I called?"
	"Yeah. I just got in." JC ran a hand through his hair. "God."
	"What's the matter?" Joey laughed.
	"Everything. I'm so pissed and… tired. Everything." JC shook his head. "Very long story… This is supposed to be vacation, right?"
	"Theoretically."
	"Yeah..." 
	"Justin called me."
	"Did he?" JC asked in surprise. "Really?"
	"Yeah. He claimed he missed me and wanted to come to the beach." Joey laughed. "Like that's possible."
	"Did he really?" JC persisted. He closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch. "He's asleep now."
	"Good. He was telling me…"
	"Tyler?"
	"Yeah." Joey's voice sounded exasperated. "It sounded like a teenage soap opera to me but he was just rambling, you know?"
	"What'd he say?"
	"Honestly? I don’t remember verbatim. But it was about how he and Tyler and you were going to go out…"
	"I'm wondering if it's the same as what Tyler told me. Or whether he distorted it."
	"Probably the same." 
	"I think so too. Because Tyler's version didn't exactly leave him free of blame, you know?" JC rubbed at his jaw. "I was so not expecting this when I brought Justin with me." 
	"I didn't know Tyler felt like that."
	"I didn't either. I don't know what to tell him."
	Joey grunted. "Not like I knew what to tell Justin… I told him to go to bed."
	"Well, he listened to you," JC answered with a slight smirk. "He's out cold. I'm really impressed." 
	"Yeah. I didn't know what to tell him. I wished you were around to call."
	JC rolled his eyes. "Joey, I'm the problem." 
	"Oh please."
	"What are you doing, right now? Sorry if we're barging in on your relaxation time."
	"I'm doing absolutely nothing. You're not interrupting a thing. I was hoping you'd call back. Justin left me a little flustered. I wasn't expecting him to call me. Or say he wanted to come to Melbourne…"
	"Yeah. Where did I go wrong?"
	"You can't blame Tyler. But… It's like... That’s just the way it is, you know?" Joey responded. "It's not your fault."
	"Maybe I should have had Justin stay at home?"
	"He'd have been so mad, JC…" Joey replied with a laugh. "Do you even know how mad? And bored? He'd be calling us the whole time."
	"I don't think he was expecting me to bring him until I asked though. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it?" JC persisted. 
	"How could you not? I bet he would have asked. And you wouldn't have had a damn good reason to say no."
	"Now I have a reason."
	"JC, they're just being little kids. They need to deal with it."
	"Justin was so good about it…" JC said fondly. "He really was. He didn't want to tell me. He wanted me to go with Tyler. He wasn't acting upset at all. I mean, I knew he was… Because he left. But… You know what I mean?"
	"Like, no conniption fit." 
	JC laughed out loud. "Yeah. Exactly."
	"Well…"
	"I haven't seen Tyler act this way in so long… Speaking of which, I hope he's not listening."
	Joey chuckled. "Oh, wouldn't that complicate things more…" he mused.
	"Beyond words… I don't even want to think about that." JC took a deep breath and yawned. "God. How did this happen? And you know… Tyler told me I should thank him for being honest… He's so opposite J like that. God, Justin would never tell me that about Tyler, you know? If it was reversed?"
	"No, he'd probably just sulk."
	"Or deal with it. See, in general, Justin will blurt out the random truth to you any time, but with something like this... He'll deal with it. Am I awful to say Tyler should deal with it?"
	"No, I told you that already." 
	"I know but… It's like… That's my brother."
	"And what's Justin?"
	"…I don't know."
	"Exactly."
	"What's that mean?"
	"It means Tyler has to deal with it. Even I have to admit that, dude." Joey made a laughing sound. "You guys are all such soap opera wannabes."
	"I wish it were fiction, man. Do you know how I feel tonight? I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. Maybe I'll stay up all night."
	"He in your room?"
	"Yep. It's weird… I've gotten so used to him being in my bed." JC laughed and shook his head. "He's used to it too. It's pathetic."
	"I'm happy to have room to myself." Joey laughed at him. 
	"Don't you get used to it though? How we live?" JC persisted. "It's become like a given."
	"Yeah… Justin had me thinking that… He was saying how he missed me and how we all should be together practicing and forget the weekend and stuff."
	JC paused. "I worry sometimes about him. In that respect."
	"In what respect?"
	"That like… What's constant for him, Joe? Practicing? Then what's he do in his spare time?"
	"What spare time?" Joey joked.
	"I'm serious. What's constant?"
"Us."
	"He needs more than that. All this shifting. Do you think it'll affect him? What if one day he cracks?"
	"He's got us. That's constant. He lives with us every day. You."
	"But his environment."
	"He's very adaptive."
	JC sighed.
	Joey paused. "I know what you're saying. Lance's mom was telling him that one day about him. How he had nothing constant and that was enough to drive someone crazy. She's not too fond of our life on the road. But I think Justin's used to it."
	"How can you possibly be used to it?" 
	"If anyone cracks first, it's going to be Chris…" Joey replied good-naturedly. "That guy gets so uptight sometimes I really wonder."
	"Oh, he's a survivor though," JC answered. "You know?"
	"Yeah, true."
	"But what I worry about even more is like… What if the group flops? Then what's going to happen to Justin or any of us, you know? That'll be drastic. You should have seen him when Mickey Mouse ended. I don't even want to think about it."
	"Don't talk about us flopping. Please. We're about to start our own tour."
	"I know, I know."
	"How did you get to this topic? From Tyler and Justin to us flopping."
	"Who knows..." JC sighed. "I don't know what to do." 
	"Of course you do. The answer to this is the same as your answer to everything else, JC."
	JC sighed. "And what's that?"
	"Sleep."
*******
	JC took Joey's advice and went upstairs. He was yawning before he even reached the landing. 
	Justin hadn't moved much from where he had left him. JC walked into his room tiredly, pulling off his shirt as he went. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached down to untie his sneakers. He kept the lights off, assuming Justin to be asleep, seeing by the moon's dim light through the window.
	"I didn't change them purposely," Justin said suddenly at that point.	
	JC frowned as he pushed his sneakers aside and sat back up. "What?"
	"One of them was loose so I had to anyway."
	JC shifted in bed to look at Justin, who was now lying on his back, eyes open. "Justin?"
	"The third one," Justin replied.
	JC reached over and patted Justin's cheek. "You sleep talking? Because you're not making sense."
	"No," Justin answered.
	JC got up from the bed and started to unbutton his pants. "Then what are you babbling about?"
	"Your guitar."
	"Oh." JC looked over to the instrument; it had been put back where he'd originally had it. It was in one piece at least. "What about it?"
	"You said not to touch the strings. But one of them was loose."
	"That's okay," JC answered. 
	"But then when I put it tighter it just sounded funny," Justin continued. "So I tried to tune them all."
	"Because of one, you changed them all?" JC lifted one leg out of his pants, then the other. "Now that's not so okay." He slid off his socks. "I could have just fixed that one." 
	"I think I did it though."
	"You tuned it?"
	"I think so." Justin sounded proud.
	"I'll check in the morning," JC replied without commitment. He had too many other things on his mind. He walked over to set his pants down before returning to the bed. "Move over."
	"I’m awake," Justin noted as he shifted over in the bed, pulling the pillow over with him.
	"I see that." JC nodded as he pulled back the covers and sat down, sliding in next to Justin, who shifted towards to wall. He was appreciative that the bed was already warm. It was always nice to skip the cold blankets. 
	JC's legs stretched out as he pulled the blankets over himself and that was when his bare feet suddenly brushed against something.
	"Justin," he said sharply, sitting up.
	"Oh, I forgot to―"
	JC got up and pulled the blankets back. "You have sneakers on. And jeans."
	"Yeah..."
	"I can't believe you're in my bed with sneakers on." JC walked over and flipped on the light. Then he thought better and shut the bedroom door too. He didn't want their talking and moving around to wake anyone. "And you still have jeans on. When you go to bed, doesn't it cross your mind to take your shoes off?"
	"See… I called Joey. And after I called Joey I didn't feel so good and so I just came up here and went to bed." 
	"When did you mess with my guitar then?"
	"Oh, before I called Joey."
	"Jesus, why didn't you change?"
	"Well, I was distracted. You know? And then when I realized I was so comfortable… This really is a comfortable bed, JC. Almost as comfortable as Joey's..." Justin sat up in bed and pulled his legs up, reaching to untie his shoes. "You're not mad at me, are you?" 
	"Mad at you?" JC echoed. "For what? For sleeping in my bed with shoes on?"
	"No… Not that. But are you though?"
	"No. The guitar?" 
	"No, not the guitar," Justin answered slowly. He pulled off a sneaker and tossed it on the floor. "But you're not mad about that, are you?"
	"No." 
	Justin took off his other shoe. "I meant for today in general. You did talk to Tyler, right?" That shoe was tossed to the floor as well.
	JC nodded. "I did. But I didn't think you wanted to discuss this."
	"I keep thinking about it." Justin started to unbutton his jeans and then pulled down the zipper. He started to slide out of them, finally managing to get them off while staying in bed. He tossed them on the ground as well. 
	JC walked over to flip the lights off of the room before he returned to bed. "I talked to Joey too, you know."
	"You did?"
	JC nodded and slid back into bed. He pulled the blankets back over himself. "There better not be dirt all over the foot of this bed, Justin."
	"I have very clean sneakers," Justin objected.
	JC sighed and was silent for a second.
	But then Justin felt his usual impishness and began. "Although if you think about it... You know where my shoes were, though? They were in Orlando. And they were all over the airport. And they were all over the floor of that grimy bathroom at the airport that hadn't been cleaned and I walked right by the urinals and in the food court and―"
	"Justin."
	Justin cut himself off, smiling to the dark. 
	"Sometimes I really want to slap you," JC answered. "Don't tell me disgusting things like that."
	"I was just being honest," Justin replied. "I really did walk all over that grimy bathroom. I stepped in something wet too. And then when I was walking across the carpet, drying it off, I stepped in this gum? It was disgusting, all chewed and had hair in it―"
	JC sat up quickly and Justin actually flinched a little in alarm, but then he noticed JC was just pulling the blankets back up.
	"What are you doing?" Justin asked cautiously.
	"I'm sleeping on top of the sheet." JC pulled the sheet under himself and then pulled the blankets over himself.
	"Did you know bacteria can get to you through eight hundred and forty five inches of fabric?" Justin asked. 
	JC propped himself up onto his elbow and glared unto Justin's mischievous face. "For someone," he said darkly, "who was so concerned as to whether I was mad at him, you're certainly pushing your luck now."
	Justin turned his head to look at him, eyes gleaming.
	"Bastard." JC softly slapped Justin's cheek, making Justin laugh. JC lowered himself onto his back; he knew exactly what Justin was doing. Justin was the prince of prattle. He could babble about anything just to get your mind off the real concern at hand. He was especially keen at this when he thought it was his fault. They were taught this for interviews too; how to keep the subject yours. But Justin was good at it. 
	JC was toying with the idea of whether or not to leave things be and just be silent, when Justin spoke again.
	"Don't worry, JC. The bed is clean," he insisted.
	That meant he wanted to talk. Because if he didn't, he would know better and would just keep his mouth shut and go to sleep. 
	"I did talk to Tyler," JC began softly.
	Justin shifted beside him. "Did you go to Friendly's?"
	"Yeah. I bought you ice cream. It's in the freezer."
	"Thanks."
	"Yep."
	Justin paused. "What'd he tell me?"
	"The truth, I think. What he said to you."
	"He's right." 
	"In premise, but not in logic," JC returned.
	Justin didn't know what JC meant by that and so he just pressed his lips together, silent. His stomach had been churning with anxiety for the past few hours in anticipation of this conversation.
	"I wish you would have told me before I left," JC continued. "I mean, I really appreciate what you meant to do..."
	"I didn't want you to get into it and not go. He was waiting," Justin replied softly.
	"I know. And I think that was very sweet of you, Justin. I appreciate that." 
	Justin didn't answer.
	"And I talked to Joey too, so I know you called him," JC answered. "And… I understand why, but you don't want to leave, do you?"
	"Kind of," Justin admitted.
	"But you don't want to go with Joey." JC knew Justin would love to go with Joey. Joey was with friends at the beach, God knows who, and would probably forget how old Justin really was, letting him do God knows what as the indulgent cool big brother. 
	"Maybe," Justin replied. Because he knew all this too.
	"But why don't you want to stay here?"
	"Because," Justin began, voice turning into complaint. "I don't want to have him feeling that way. Or for him to say that to me again. And he's right, I see you all the time. I don't know why you invited me."
	"Why do you think I invited you, you dimwit?"
	"Because you felt bad for me?"
	"No. Because I wanted you with me. That's why."
	"But why?"
	"I'm not going into this when I know you know damn well, Justin. We're used to each other, that's why. And Tyler's my brother but that's not going to get between us."
	"I'm not getting between you two either."
	"Exactly. You see? Neither of us are going to ruin anything. You're fine where you are and he's fine where he is." JC sighed and rolled onto his side to look at Justin again. Justin's eyes were shining in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling. "I mean… I know how he feels… I miss him too… But I have a job I can't just forget about and it's like… Even if I wasn't in the band? I wouldn't be living at home anyway, you know?"
	"Yeah."
	"I was in Goddamn LA and he never acted like this. He thought that was cool," JC answered. He always sounded bitter when he mentioned being there. "But I think it's gotten too much for him, now that I'm so busy. I think it's finally dawned on him that I won't be there. Can't be there."
	Justin just listened, saying nothing.
	JC continued, just thinking aloud. "I can't go to his hockey games or his football games and I can't see him go on dates and maybe I'll even miss his prom and graduation. And then he gets mad at you for it? That's not fair. You can't even have hockey games or football games or a prom and graduation." 
	Justin was silent.
	JC made a face. "I don't know. I talked to him. I don't know if he gets it. We're ignoring that issue for now, I guess."
	Justin took a breath. "He doesn't hate me, does he?"
	"No. You guys are fine I think. You were fine before all of tonight, right? And tonight's no different from any other tussle you two have had. Except this one's a little more serious, I know. But I think you two can both back off each other."
	"Can you just do stuff with him without me?" Justin implored. "Please? So he doesn't say it?"
	"He shouldn't say it."
	"Please, JC…"
	JC sighed. "I hate how you two feel you have to compete. There's no rivalry between you two. I love you both and I'm not going to say who I love more."
	"You love someone more?"
	JC gave him a look and replied quickly, "No. No, there's no competition."
	"JC, just do things with him, okay?"
	"It's two days," JC interrupted. "Two days. Can't we survive two days? Why'd this have to come up over a stupid front seat?"
	"He can sit in the front seat. I didn't even really mean it."
	"It's so trivial." JC sighed.
	"Don't get upset about it now…" Justin pleaded. "I've been thinking about it all night."
	"Me too."
	"Can none of us be mad at each other and just go to bed?"
	"I guess so. Yeah." JC reached over and rubbed Justin's curly head like he would a dog. "Thanks." 
	"Oh, I forgot to tell you."
	"Yeah?" JC paused his hand on Justin's head.
	"I got to see Heather's date?" Justin began. "And he does have a mohawk and a tattoo of an eagle on―"
	JC slipped his hand over Justin's mouth. "You brat."
	"Good night, JC," Justin mumbled through JC's hand.
	"Night, dork." JC lifted his hand and sighed, closing his eyes to sleep. Neither said another word and they gradually drifted off. 
********
	The next morning, Karen got up early to make a big breakfast for all her children. She was so happy to have everyone together. She was making eggs, bacon, toast, and sausage. The house smelled amazing in effect. 
	"I feel like it's a holiday," JC began as he walked into the kitchen. "You need any help, mom?"  
	"I don’t think so. Tyler's setting the table in the dining room, and I'm almost done in here. You can get out the juice if you want."
	JC nodded. "Sure. We're eating in the dining room?"
	"Yeah, I figured there were six of us and it would be nice."
	"Definitely." JC went to the fridge and found two containers of orange juice to pull out. As he made his way to the dining room, he put them down on the table, and eyed his brother, who was just finishing giving every place a fork.
	"Hey, dufus," JC greeted.
	"Hey, spaz," Tyler answered.
	"You going to be a good brother this morning?"
	"What are you talking about?" Tyler put down the last fork and gave JC a quizzical look.
	"You know what. Be nice."
	Tyler rolled his eyes and was prepared to reply when Heather came into the dining room, smiling.
	"Hey, you," JC began with an easy smile. "May I ask what time you got in last night, young lady?"
	Heather rolled her eyes. "After you went to bed, you old man." 
	"You have fun?"
	"Yep."
	"He was a gentlemen, I'll presume?"
	"You can presume," she answered with a raised eyebrow. "And his name's Tom in case you forgot."
	"He goes to school with you?"
	"He does."
	"Does he know you've got two brothers who can beat him up?"
	"JC, he's on the football team," Tyler spoke up with a laugh.	
	"I used to play football," JC objected. "What are you trying to say?"
	"You played in―"
	"I played!"
	Heather shook her head. "I’m going to help out Mom…"
	JC and Tyler went to sit down just as Justin came in, talking to Roy. JC couldn't hear what they were saying but they were both smiling.
	"Something smells so good," Justin began.
	"It does," Roy agreed. "JC, Justin was just telling me about some of the parts of Germany you guys have seen. Pretty interesting. It's too bad you don't have time to really do any sight-seeing."
	"Yeah, that would be nice if we could. It's here and there." 
	Justin walked over to sit beside JC. He gave Tyler, sitting across from them, a cautious glance. 
	"You should see the pictures he showed me yesterday," Heather said as she came back with a plate of scrambled eggs. "They're really awesome."
	"Oh, yeah, Dad," JC agreed. "I'll show you later." 
*******
	While JC was a little nervous about how things would go when they were all together, breakfast actually ran smoothly. Justin felt Tyler's eyes on him a few times, and when he looked up, the eyes quickly shot away. And when he asked for toast, he was positive that Tyler passed him the two most burned pieces on purpose, but he didn't say anything about that either.
	And JC talked for most of the time. A little bit continuing the conversation Justin had been having with Roy about traveling, but then he moved back to Heather to ask her to talk about her date with Tom. And Heather had more to babble on about Tom than any of them were actually interested in hearing.
	So breakfast actually went fairly well. 
	And then, Justin was completely shocked. As they carried their dishes and glasses back to the kitchen to put in the dishwasher, Tyler caught up with him and began hesitantly,
	"You wanna finish that game?"
	"Which game?" Justin replied.
	"The one we couldn't decide who won the other day. Mom never hid it, you know."
	"I know. I saw."
	"So you wanna?"
	"Okay." 
	Tyler nodded and then looked inside at where JC was helping their mother. "But, like... We'll be cool this time and all. Who cares who wins, right?""
	"Yeah. Who cares," Justin agreed. "It's just a game." 
	But as they headed inside to the TV, it was clear to each of them. They did care. 
*******
	JC watched them play for a little while, eating a banana as he did so. He could tell what Justin was doing. He was purposely playing poorly, ascertaining that there would be no argument over the fact that Tyler was winning. He made sure to have less lives and points. He kept cursing as his character died or 'mistakenly' ran into a wall. 
	JC wanted to hug him. Justin was really trying to make sure no one's feelings got hurt. Maybe it would be okay. 
	But they couldn't sit inside all day and when it came time that JC wanted to go out somewhere again, hang out when them outside of the house, once more Justin begged with him. Right after JC suggested doing something other than sitting on a couch all day, Justin got him alone in the kitchen and gave him the most imploring look.
	"Please don't make me go," he pleaded. 
	"But you guys are fine this morning," JC protested, confused by Justin's act. 
	"Don't make me go," Justin persisted with a whine, taking JC's arm as the man got the car keys off the counter. 
	"I don't get you," JC began.
	"I won't feel bad. I'll hang out with your mom. She was going to the mall." 
	"The mall…" JC echoed. He took Justin by the shoulders and pushed him away a bit. "It's not going to be like the Florida Mall or the Altamonte―"
	"Shopping is shopping, JC."
	"Okay." JC smirked. "I guess I just can't believe you want to shop with my mom."
	"Why not?" 
	"You don't even want to hear where we might go?" 
	"No." Justin shook his head.
	"But what if we could all go together?" JC began. 
	Justin opened his mouth and then shut it again. "What do you mean?"
	"I mean, if my Mom and Dad and you and Tyler came. Heather can come if she wants, I don't know what her plans are today."
	Justin looked puzzled, but then shrugged and said, "Then I guess I'd go."
*******
	JC was very happy when they decided to go into DC for the day. His dad was driving, his mom in the passenger seat, and he himself was in the back between Justin and Tyler.  Normally he'd have objected to being in the middle. Anyone would. And in the group, it was actually usually Justin who got pushed to be there, despite his ever longer growing legs. But JC thought sitting between the two would be better. 
	Heather had gone out with Tom again, rolling her eyes as the idea of going on what she called a field trip with her family. JC realized that he typically would have felt the same way, but he hadn't seen his family in a long time, and there was something comforting about the whole trip.
	"This is just how it used to be," JC began as his mother fiddled with the radio and his father drove. "Remember? When we used to travel?"
	"That was always so much fun," Karen began. "You guys really loved that."
	JC nodded, thinking about how much they used to travel, all over the country, driving around to see new things. It had been fun. He was doing the same thing with his life now, in a way. Except he had to work so hard at every place they stopped.
	"When are we going to hear your song on the radio?" Tyler asked.
	"Our song? We actually have two singles out, you know," JC answered. "But we're focused on the market in Germany."
	"Well, when are you coming to America? You know, so that when I tell my friends you're in a band they'll know who I'm talking about."
	JC tried to think about it. "I honestly don't know. We're just going to be starting the tour in Germany… I don't know when we'll start in America."
	"You guys are big over there, though," Karen began. "Aren't you? Lou has told us wonderful things."
	"Yeah, we're pretty big," JC answered, smiling.
	"Fans show up at the airport sometimes," Justin started, "when they know we'll be there. And when they see us out. We've signed a lot of autographs. They know our names."
	"That must be a weird feeling," Karen said. "But that's great." 
	"It's good it's paying off," Roy began. "You boys have been working so hard."
	"Definitely," JC replied. If only they could possibly fathom.
	"Well, you deserve it." 
	"Can we eat at Uno's?" Tyler began. "Are we going to be by M Street? I haven't had pizza in a long time."
	"Honey, you had pizza last week," Karen laughed.
	"Right―  That's a long time!" Tyler rolled his eyes. "Besides.... It wasn't deep dish." 
	"Remember when we ate at the original one in Chicago?" Roy asked. "That was fun."
	Uno's it was.
********
	Like the car-ride, JC also enjoyed the entire day. Tyler and Justin were both careful, knowing JC's exasperation with what had happened the day before, and so treaded the waters of competition carefully. Instead of each other, they focused on the city. A full day of walking the city streets and acting as tourists had pretty much tired them out far too much to think of any good retorts or criticisms for one another anyway, and so they acted fairly friendly to each other. From the White House to the Capitol to the MCI Center they saw it all. When they walked as far as Foggy Bottom, they were exhausted and ready to call it a day.
	"We've never walked that much," Roy laughed when they were back in the car and on the road. 
	"Seriously," JC agreed. "My legs don't even hurt this much after all our rehearsals." He looked over at Justin for agreement, but the kid was already asleep, slouched down in his seat breathing deeply. 
	"We'll all sleep well, I guess," Karen said. She cleared her throat. "So, Tyler. Are you still planning on staying home from school tomorrow?"
	"Yeah," Tyler replied, his head leaning against the window as he gazed at the streets they passed. "Can't I?"
	"Of course. I just wanted to know whether there were any practices or anything you'd be missing."
	"I talked to coach. It's fine, and I might make it to practice anyway after school."
	"Is the school okay with that?" Roy asked. "Going to practice even if you didn't go to class?"
	"It's not like I've ever done that before. I don't see why they'd care." 
	"We fly back tomorrow too," JC began. "It'll be a really busy day."	
	"I wish you could stay longer," Karen replied with a sigh. "It seems like you just got here. I forget what time your flight is at..."
	"It's late. I think like seven or eight..." JC tried to remember but couldn't. "I'll have to check the tickets. But yeah, it did go by really quickly."
	"When's the next time you'll get a chance for a real vacation?"
	"I honestly don't know, Mom..."
	"They really don't let you plan far ahead, do they..." she sighed.
	"Well, I think it's more taking advantage of booking things when they can find opportunities for us," JC answered. 
	"That's true." 
	"What's it like to fly somewhere overseas?" Tyler asked. "Is the flight long?"
	"Yeah... You could say that." JC laughed. 
*******
	"See how easy today was?" JC asked later before they went to bed. It had been a long day, but he really felt happy. Everyone got along, he was with his whole family, and he actually felt completely relaxed. It had been a long time. "Aren't you glad you came?"
	Justin was tired and didn't really feel like responding to JC's happiness. He was mutually relieved that no one fought and that they had been outside and active all day, but he didn't really feel like he and Tyler were in any better of a position than they were before. He figured that's what JC was referring to when he said things went 'easy'. 
	But he was still too tired to agree even for the sake of agreeing. For some reason, although he had become well conditioned to long hours of practicing choreography and dancing, his feet and legs and calves still ached from the long day of walking. He really just wanted to sleep. "My legs really hurt."
	"It's all the walking." 
	"Yeah..." Justin answered as he sat on the edge of the bed. He watched JC go through some things in his dresser. "Can we sleep?"
	"Go ahead."
	Justin was ready for bed. He'd brushed his teeth, had changed into a t-shirt and boxers, and was yawning. "But I can't when you're fiddling around with all your crap."
	"I haven't been in my room in ages," JC answered, opening up another drawer. He smiled when he saw what was in it. "Oh, cool. You wanna see these pictures from high school?"
	"No."
	JC looked up with almost a surprised look on his face.
	Justin's face split into a grin when he saw JC's expression, and he laughed. "You're serious?"
	"I was, kinda, yeah."
	"I'm just tired..." Justin sighed. "Haven't I seem 'em all already?"
	"Not these. I haven't even seen these in years."
	"Well, alright," Justin agreed without much enthusiasm. It was hard to say no because JC looked so disappointed. 
	Even an unenthusiastic yes was enough for JC, and he grabbed the box of pictures out of the drawer and walked towards the bed. Justin shifted over and leaned back against the headboard to make room as JC sat down beside him.
	"These are pretty bad," JC began. "The one's in the beginning. Because it's freshman year, and you know... Everyone looks really lame freshman year." 
	"What are you wearing?"
	"Exactly." JC flipped to the next picture.
	Justin yawned. 
	"These are in Talahassee," JC explained. 

	"Yeah..." Justin murmured. He tried to look at the pictures with some interest, and they were kind of funny, some of them, but he felt his eyelids start to droop. Even when JC laughed at certain ones and had little stories or memories that he was obviously fond of, Justin couldn't help it.
	JC knew it was late. He was also getting a little nostalgic looking at the pictures, yet just felt some sort of needed connection going through them again. But as Justin's head first move to rest on his shoulder, and then kind of turned away, JC finally looked down and saw his friend's eyes closed. He realized it wasn't the time.
	"Boring?" JC asked.
	"No," Justin replied. He nuzzled his face into JC's arm as he tried to get comfortable. He wanted JC to shut up and let him sleep but he also felt bad. "I'm sorry." 
	"What?"
	"I'm too tired..." 
	"Yeah, I know. I just forgot about these." 
	Justin yawned and opened his eyes. "But I wanna see them, honest." 
	"Maybe another time."
	"Bring 'em back home with you," Justin replied.
	JC wanted to respond, but this is home. But he didn't. Because he wasn't exactly sure if he would mean it, and that confused him. He  lifted his arm and slipped it around Justin, pulling him closer. "Don't worry about it."  He was happy. He'd spent time with his family, he was on break, things were good. Even if they had to go back to working soon.. "Maybe another time, you know? But I'm glad you came for the weekend."
	Justin grunted. What was with all this talking? "JC, I'm tired." 
	"Yeah, I am too..." JC sighed. "You're right."
	"I'm always right." Justin yawned loudly
	"I just can't believe we're leaving tomorrow. Quick vacation."
	"It wasn't really a vacation." Justin tried to roll over but JC's arm was still around him. He grunted and JC moved it.
	"Three day weekend," JC allowed. "That's a vacation."	
	Justin rolled onto his stomach and turned his face away from JC. "I miss the guys. I'm glad we're going home."
	"To work.."
	"That too. I know."
	"To crowds and recording and people and demanding men of business..." JC persisted. He felt Justin stiffen next to him slightly and frowned. He shrugged it off anyway and decided to take Justin's hints for sleep. "Alright. You're telling me to go to bed."
	"Mm."
	JC laughed. "Alright. I'll get ready for bed, man. You know it's back to the old schedule tomorrow so I was just trying to soak in the last moments of relaxation."
	"I want sleep..."
	"Right, right, right..." 
********
	It was muffled this time. Not even half as startling as the other time had been. But it still sent that surge of heart racing fear down JC's spine as he awoke immediately from Justin's noise. 
	Justin was sitting up in bed next to him, breathing heavily.	
	JC gathered his senses, memories of last time churning through his brain, and set his hand on Justin's back. His t-shirt was damp with sweat. "What's the matter...?" 
	Justin didn't answer. Instead he shuddered.
	"Justin?"
	"No... Nothing," Justin answered, almost with strange calmness. He voice sounded hoarse.
	"You wanna go downstairs?"
	"No."
	"Did you have a bad dream?"
	Justin swallowed. "Yeah."
	"You wanna talk about it?"
	Justin began to slide out of bed. JC caught the back of his shirt and, holding him for a second. "Wait, Justin― "
	"I was going to get a drink of water," Justin replied, sitting back on the edge of the bed patiently as JC loosened his hold.
	JC let go of the shirt and smoothed it down on his back. "Okay. Sorry."
	"Go back to bed..." Justin muttered as he got up. He left the room, the door creaking open and closed again as he went.
	JC sat there for a minute, just thinking about it. This was at least the second bad dream recently. JC presumed that it was the same kind of dream as the one he'd had at Joey's house. When he thought about the 'demanding men of business' and 'back to the old schedule' comments that he had pessimistically made just before they'd gone to sleep, he cursed himself. Nice job.
	JC would give him fifteen minutes. If Justin didn't come back by then, he'd go see if he was okay. Because honestly, who needed ten minutes to go get water?
	JC didn't have to worry. Justin came back in five, quietly slipping through the door and shutting it again like he had left. He returned to bed without a word and got back under the blankets.
	"You get a drink?" JC asked softly as Justin's cold feet brushed against his legs.
	Justin nodded as he lay back against the pillows. "Yeah."
	"Okay." JC reached over to push back some of the curls that were matted down on Justin's forehead. He smoothed his hair back. "You okay?"
	"Yeah."
	JC pulled at one curl gently to see its length in the dim lighting. "I think you need a haircut soon," he began slowly in an attempt to distract Justin's thoughts. "This fro's growing." 
	To his pleasure, Justin laughed softly, answering, "That's what my mom said last week."
	"Oh, see, she and I think alike."
	"Don't say that..." Justin answered. "You don't at all."
	"We all do sometimes."
	"Sometimes, maybe."	
	"Why? What's wrong if I think like Lynn?"
	"Because Lynn can be annoying," Justin answered.
	"All mom's get annoying," JC admitted. "But you two are so much alike too."
	"We are not." 		
	"In some ways." JC smiled. "Trust me. Others no. But some. However, you're as big a momma's boy as it comes."
	Justin rolled his eyes in the darkness, yawning. "Sure. Lance is the real momma's boy."
	"He's a party animal, what are you talking about?"
	"Ya'll won't let me go to any parties."
	"You've been to a bunch. Can't have everything."
	"Not like him." Justin yawned again. 
	A moment of silence passed between them. Then JC began, "You wanna talk about it?"
	"No." 
	"Sure?"
	"Yes. Forget about it." 
	"Alright. Well, wanna try to sleep again?"
	"Yeah." Justin shifted lower in the bed, pulling the blankets up to his chin
	"Night."
	"Night."
	Sleep went thankfully uninterrupted for the rest of the night.
***********
	The group was finally back together the next night at almost ten o'clock. JC and Justin returned home from the airport with smiles. In Bowie they had a final big lunch with JC's family before heading to the airport and grabbing their flight. Finally, they were back in Orlando.
		Justin was delighted to see them. He was groggy from sleeping the whole plane ride as well most of the short car ride home but he was excited to see them and woke up a little bit as they got closer to his house. He knew they would all be there. 
	He hugged Joey first because Joey opened the door when they knocked because it was locked. As soon as Justin saw him, he stepped forward and put his arms around his waist tightly. Through a yawn he said, "I missed you."
	Joey just patted his head and didn't even have time to reply before Justin was hugging Lance and saying he'd missed him too. When he spotted Chris, Justin grinned and ran over to jump onto him in his hug, taking Chris to the ground. "I missed you too!"
	"Justin, you didn't even hug me," Lynn scolded as she walked into the room with a smile. "I missed you the most."
	Justin sat on top of Chris's chest, giving her an apologetic look. "Sorry."	
	She just shook her head with a smile. "Honey, I'm glad you got back safe. I'm going to head up to bed because it's late for me. I'll ask you how your weekends were tomorrow."
	"Night, Lynn," Joey replied. "Thanks for the pizza."
	"You got pizza?" Justin asked as his mother headed upstairs to bed. 
	"Get the hell off me," Chris insisted once Justin's mother was gone and Justin still hadn't budged. "I think you've gained weight." 
	Justin got up from him obediently. "I really missed ya'll."
	"He did," JC assured, carrying his bag in. "Justin, you left your bag out on the front step."
	"Oh." Justin went over to go grab it and Joey shut the door once he was back inside. "How was everybody's weekend?"
	"Mine was great," Joey replied. "Really great."
	"Did you see any manatees in Melbourne?" Justin began as he dropped his bag by the stairs and followed the guys into the family room. "They have that lookout point I remember and you know,  you can see the manatees―"
	"I wasn't really concerned about the manatees, Justin," Joey admitted as he sat on the couch. "Sorry."
	"Oh. Did you see any dolphins?"
	"Again, I wasn't really looking at the wildlife...."
	"Well, were the waves big?" Justin sat down next to him. Without waiting for an answer, he began to talk again. "Speaking of pizza, JC and I went to DC and we ate at Unos. We got this big pizza and it's deep dish so the crust was this big." He indicated a big space with his thumb and forefinger. "So thick. And we got cheese and tomatoes and chicken on it."
	"Justin..." JC began. "They don't really care where or what we ate I don't think. There's an Unos on I-Drive." 
	"But it was so good," Justin objected.
	"So you had a good weekend after all?" Joey asked.
	"After all? Why wouldn't he have a good weekend?" Lance replied with a frown. 
	"It was a good weekend," Justin replied. 
	"How was the graduation party back home, Lance?" JC asked. "Did you have fun?"
	"Yeah." Lance nodded, thinking about it. He grinned. "So much of my family came. And friends that I used to go to school with. It was great." 	
	"Yeah? And how's your sister?"
	Lance began to talk about his well loved family and Mississippi and all the food and music he'd experienced in three days. "It was so weird to be back..." he said intermittently. 	
	Justin had yawned a couple times during the first few minutes of Lance's account of his weekend. Nearing the end though, when Lance reached his description of the fried shrimp his uncle had brought, Justin fell asleep.
	"I wasn't that boring," Lance objected.
	"He's really tired," JC answered. 
	"Obviously," Joey answered, trying to push Justin's head off his arm. 
	"Was your weekend good, JC?" Chris asked. 
	"Yeah, it was good. We did a lot," JC replied. And it was nice to see Heather and Ty. I think my mother was thrilled to have all her kids there at once."
 	"Justin destroy anything?"
	"No," JC began just as Joey replied jokingly, "Yeah, just nearly JC's family."
	"What?" Chris frowned, eyeing Joey and then JC with a smirk. "Yeah, obviously someone's not talking. And Joey, how the hell do you know? You were at the fucking beach not looking at the ocean, manatees, or dolphin."
	Joey just smiled at him. "Who knows what I looked at. I don't even remember two nights ago."
	"I talked to you two nights ago," JC objected.
	"Yeah, man. And after you hung up, my buddy came back with a handle of Jager."
	"God..." JC rolled his eyes.
	"So wait," Lance objected. "What's up with the Justin nearly destroying your family?" 
	"I'm not going to explain it," JC answered, shaking his head. "That doesn't even mean anything."
	"Let's just say," Joey began, "that Justin attracts angst and disgruntled conversations."
	"I've noticed," Chris noted. "He's like a magnet for disaster. But I think anyone his age is dramatic. What happened?"
	"Didn't I just say..." JC began.
	"Yeah, and I'm doing a good job of ignoring that statement, aren't I?" Chris game him a smile.
	"Obviously something happened..." Lance frowned at them.
	JC pointed at the sleeping Justin. "He's right here. I'm not―"
	"He's out cold," Chris replied.
	"It's not even a real story," JC answered. "It's kind of just what my brother said to him."
	"What'd he say?" Lance insisted.
	"You gotta say."
	JC looked at sleeping Justin cautiously. "I'm not talking about it when he's right here sleeping. 
	"Justin..." Joey ignored JC and shook Justin's shoulder gently. "Hey, kiddo, wanna go to bed?"
	Justin awoke groggily at being shaken and slouched into the couch. "I am in bed?"
	"Not yet, buddy..." Joey got up and reached down to clasp Justin's hands, pulling him up easily. "Let's go up and get ready for bed." He turned and winked at JC as he wrapped an arm around Justin's shoulders.
	JC had the look of death on his face. He watched them leave and breathed. "Joey's an idiot."
	"No excuses, now tell us." Chris grinned.
	"It's not that big a deal really... Won't be to you guys anyway..."
********
	The rest of the week, including the morning after their late night of getting back and going to bed, was comprised of a load of practicing and tightening down on choreography so that everything would be perfect. The choreographer was especially tough on them and they worked long hours. 	It was the last week of tour rehearsals and they knew it would be like that. This was it for them to prepare in Orlando for the tour. It was now or never to make up for any flaws. Because they needed to be perfect and they needed to impress everyone so they could promote their future album.
	The week was therefore filled with a lot of tension between the members and everyone else. They were edgy, nervous, and trying to pull together as much as they could in a short period of time, even when it felt like their muscles were about to give out. They were tired, but there wasn't room to be tired. They didn't have the time for it. 
	It was actually the last day of practicing, the twenty-eighth, when disaster struck. It started out as another hard day of practice and developed into one of the hardest days of practice in their lives.
	Chris was particularly tired and after dumping a bottle of ice water on his head and shaking his head like a dog, he turned to Justin with a fake grin and said, "We're three hours later then scheduled. Isn't it fantastic?"
	"I know." Justin's face was grim. He wasn't his usual energetic, perky self at practice. They'd drained even him. While normally he was the last one willing to leave, now he was overtired and wanted to go home just as much as the rest of them did.
	"If you can think of anything to get us out of here..." Chris answered. "Then I'll owe you big time."
	Justin just gave him a wry look and sighed. "I want to get out of here too. But it's worse if we suck live. In front of people."
	"I know, but I don't feel like we're getting any better doing it now. None of us care right now. We're too tired."
	"Yeah."
	"We need to get out of here." 
	When it first happened, Chris immediately thought that Justin had listened to him. That Justin had actually used this as the plan to get the practice to end earlier than it would have.
	It was hot and sticky and humid and they were tired and getting antsy. Even the cold water that they'd been pouring over their heads was no longer refreshing. In fact, the ice had melted in the water bottles and it was starting to get warm.
	But they persisted anyway. They were in the middle of the set when Justin did his little break dancing routine while the others did their own thing. Justin stumbled a little bit when they came back together, brushing shoulders slightly with Lance without even knowing it.
	"What?" Lance asked a little irritably as Justin did it. Every mistake seemed to mean another hour there. They were starting not to have room for mistakes. He couldn't be too mad though, since he himself had caused a good amount of their mistakes of that day. It was just that Justin rarely messed up, not in easy parts like this, and it was that much more frustrating. 
	Justin had fallen back into his placement easily enough and they carried out the rest of that set almost flawlessly. But then, the second that they'd finished it, Justin suddenly began walking towards the door, oblivious to the fact that the choreographer was still speaking. 
	"Hey!" Joey called after him. "Not done yet, Justin!"
	But Justin had disappeared before his sentence was complete. The group exchanged a glance.
	"We need a break anyway," Lance said softly. "Let's get water."
	"I told him to get us out of here," Chris began wryly, "but I didn't mean for him to get himself out of here." 
	They headed for the door after Justin, after the choreographer rolled his eyes and made his way towards his own water bottle. "Okay guys," he'd said. "Fifteen minute break. But get back here, because I want to get home too." 
	They left the room in the same direction Justin had. When they found him, he was leaning against the wall in the hallway, his face pale and his eyes closed. When he heard them approach, he opened his eyes and watched them approach. He seemed to be clenching his jaw, and then several fat tears slipped down his seemingly already wet cheeks.
	"What's the deal?" Chris asked with a frown, surprised by the tears. "You're not that tired, are you?" 
	"No.... I..." Justin's voice was shaky. "No... Something cracked."	
	"Something cracked?" JC echoed. "What do you mean?"
	"It cracked," Justin answered, in a low voice like he didn't want anybody to know.
	"Huh?" Lance asked. "I didn't hear anything."
	"No... In my hand or my wrist or..." Justin rambled, shaking his head. He sniffled. "I think I broke something."
	"How?" JC demanded worriedly. "Are you sure?"
	"I think he looks pretty sure..." Chris frowned, eyeing Justin's paleness and the worried look in his eye. 
	Lance remembered Justin's stumbling into him and wondered if Justin had done it right before then. "Did you do it break dancing?" he asked.
	"Y-yeah..." Justin answered, looking up as JC stepped towards him. He let JC hold his wrist as his lips trembled. "The floor was all wet and my hand went... It slipped and..." He pulled his arm back and hissed, "Don't touch it."
	"God, J... You should sit down," JC began. "Lance, go tell him the practice is over, okay?"
	"I'm going to throw up..." Justin whimpered as Lance disappeared. 
	"Does it hurt bad?" Joey asked.
	Justin nodded meekly and then squeezed his eyes shut. "It really does..." A couple more tears slipped down his cheeks. "I thought... maybe I just hit it... So I finished the song but it hurts really, really bad." 
	"You're not kidding, are you?" Chris asked. He looked at Justin's pained face and felt like a dick for even mentioning it. "I mean, I know I told you to think of a way to get practice to end early, but..."
	"Chris, shut up," JC answered.
	"Shutting up," Chris agreed quietly. 
*******
	They were going to call 911 but then Justin got really upset and begged them not to. They could drive to the hospital themselves. Because if an ambulance came, what if they wouldn't let one of them go in with him? Plus, wasn't that expensive?
	"They always let someone in with you," Joey had objected. "And I don't think you have to pay for it." 
	But Justin was indifferent to the promise. There was something about an ambulance that made it seem that much worse. It wasn't an emergency like that, was it? He wanted to go in the car with them. Even after they said he'd have more of a chance of getting x-rays sooner if he went in with the ambulance. It didn't hurt that bad, he swore. It was hard to believe him when he said it through tears but he was adamant. Couldn't they just go to the emergency room themselves?
	Justin's hand, particularly around his thumb, began to look sore and a bit swollen on the ride over. They called Lynn before they left, explaining quickly to her what had happened and telling her to come to the emergency room unless they called her again. They didn't talk to her, but the answering machine, so it made it difficult. Justin was disappointed because he wanted his mom to be there. 
	Justin sat in the back seat of the car, cradling his hand in his lap. He sat between JC and Joey and just stayed quiet after Joey buckled his seatbelt for him. He was starting to feel worried about the consequences. What if it was really broken? What if he couldn't dance or practice?
	Chris drove like a maniac and went through two red lights. They just turned red, he attested  as he went through the second one.
	"You know a broken wrist is one thing," Lance had answered, feeling particularly nervous in the front passenger seat. "Getting into a car accident on the way over is another completely."
	"Shut up," Chris replied. "I know my way around. You know what the pain is going to be? They're not going to look at him until they get all the papers filled out. Are we allowed to sign for him or does his mom have to be here?"
	"I don't know the details," JC began. "We'll see when we get there." 
	"If it's not busy, it'll be fine," Joey replied.
	"The ER is always busy."
	Joey glanced at Justin, who looked pale and scared. He felt really bad for him and tried to think of a way he could comfort him. "Hey," he started. "You know how many times I've been in the ER, pal?"
	"N-no," Justin replied softly.
	"Like, a million," Joey persisted. "They knew me by name. They'd say, oh it's you again? I was such a klutz." 
	"Was?" Chris quipped.
	"Shut up." Joey rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I used to try to fly," he continued. "Like Superman, you know? I was so stupid. I went through a window once. God, my Dad was pissed. Well, after he knew I was alive."
	Justin didn't smile, didn't respond. He wasn't sure he even heard him.  
	JC pet Justin's head. "Do you need anything?"
	Justin didn't answer. If he did need anything, how could JC possibly get it for him en route to the hospital? It wasn't very logical. And he didn't know what he needed. All he knew was that he'd never felt this kind of pain in his hand before. It was piercing, sharp, searing pain going through his hand. There was definitely something wrong. And it was getting worse. He was so afraid to move his arm at all. 
	"They won't set it will they?" Justin asked.					
	"What do you mean?" JC asked, worriedly.
	"Like when they take it and they crack it back into place... Like on TV. If it's broken... Do they have to do that?"
	"Don't worry about that," JC assured. 
	"I don't want them to do that."
	"Chris!" Lance cried. "That one was not just turning red!"
	"Leave the driving to me, dork," Chris answered. "You want to get there or not? He didn't want an ambulance and so I'm making up for it."
******
	"Figures he would do this just before our tour started," Joey began, looking at Lance and Chris skeptically in the waiting room. After a thankfully not too long wait, JC had gone with Justin to get the x-rays and examination done with, while the others waiting patiently. They figured JC was best suited to go in since he was the one giving all the information for the records- birth date, age, address, guardians, etc. He only stumbled when they asked for Justin's social security number, looking at Justin for help on that one.
	Justin himself had been managing fairly well. His tears had subsided on the car ride over and although he looked nervous and like he might pass out or be sick any second, he'd stopped threatening that he would. But he'd still begged JC to stay with him.
	"It's not like he did it on purpose," Lance replied.
	"Well, of course not," Joey answered. "I'm not mad at him for it. Of course not. I'm just saying it's kind of ironic the time it happened." 
	"It's going to suck if it is broken though," Lance began. "We have a flight tomorrow. Really early. And we have to be in Germany."
	"Tell me about it... That's what I mean. The timing is just..."
	"He breakdances all the time," Chris began. "I don't get how just suddenly, at the least convenient time, he breaks a bone doing it."
	"The floor was all wet," Joey answered regretfully. "We were all dumping water bottles during our breaks all afternoon. It was so hot." He shook his head. "God, that's so stupid if you think about it. Pouring water where we dance." 
	"Well, some choreography's going to need to be changed..." Chris replied. "That's for sure. I wonder if I should call Johnny... You know, to let him know."
	"Maybe..."
	"Don't until we know what the doctor says," Lance replied. "That way you can answer his questions."	
	"You think he'll be mad?" Joey asked.
	"He has no right to be," Chris answered. "How were we supposed to prevent it? Nobody could have predicted this."
	"I guess you're right..." Joey reached over and grabbed the People magazine that was sitting on the table next to him. "Shit happens, I know... But..."
	"We need to make that flight though..." Chris said quietly.
	"Justin won't have it any other way," Lance replied. "Are you kidding? He'll be the most adamant about it."
	"True." 
******
	"Does it hurt?"
	Justin was sitting on the exam table. The room was quiet now that the radiologist had left to go look at the x-rays that they had taken. JC was sitting in a regular office chair in the corner, about ten feet away, and he scrutinized the exhausted looking Justin.
	"Justin?"
	Justin looked up. "What?"
	"Does it hurt?"
	"Yeah."
	"They'll give you stuff, he said. Painkillers. I'll ask him if we can have more since we're going to be overseas, okay?"
	"Okay."
	Justin seemed very meek, subdued. He looked tired and pale. JC knew it was from the whole ordeal and couldn't wait until they could get back to the house and rest. This place was too sterile. It made him nervous. He hated being around any place with needles. 
	"You want me to call Lynn again?"
	"Don't leave."
	JC nodded, folding his hands in his lap. "I... Um, if you're not thinking you're going to be okay with flying tomorrow and touring when―"
	"Don't say that," Justin began. His eyes looked sad. "Just don't say that."
	"Okay."
	When the doctor came back later, he was carrying two floppy black sheets with him. He walked over to the wall where there was a white screen and he flipped it on. "Can you turn off the lights?" he asked JC.
	"Sure." JC got up, watching the guy post the two black sheets on the white screen, and turned the switch off to get the lights.
	The x-rays on the wall glowed with the stark white image of a skeletal hand.
	"What you have, Justin," the doctor began, "is a fairly common fracture of this bone right here..." He pointed it out on the screen. "It's right in here, at almost nearly the end of where this bone in the thumb is. You see?" 
	Justin just nodded. He felt nauseous and could barely see the screen from where he was sitting. He didn't really care what part of his hand was broken at this point. It just hurt and he really wanted to go home. He wanted to go to bed or just have someone near him to make him feel better. He wondered how much longer they would be here.
	The doctor started talking about the healing process and the cast that they were going to put on him. A temporary one and then they would put on another cast later.
	"We're going to be going away..." JC objected. "I don't think... Well, I know. We definitely won't be able to come back for that..."
	"Going away?" 
	"To Germany. We have to be somewhere. The five of us. Justin included."
	"That's not smart..." the doctor began, looking a little concerned. He walked over to turn on the lights. "I mean, with a newly broken bone there's certain things... Even the prescription for painkillers that I need to write for him. Where will you get it filled?"
	JC was quiet for a moment. Then he licked his lips and said slowly, "That was another thing we need to ask you..."
	Justin wanted to cry. They weren't even looking at him and he was sitting on this cold metal table with the loud white paper under him that was so irritating. And now he had to go to Germany with a broken hand or wrist or arm or whatever it was he had done to himself. And how would he get pain medication? Would they have time to put on his cast? And Johnny was probably going to holler at him for messing everything up and Lou was probably going to come after him and he wouldn't be able to do the choreography...
	Justin was so caught up in his worried thoughts that he didn't even notice that the doctor had left of that JC had approached him. 
	"Hey..." JC started. "What's the matter?" He leaned against the table and squeezed Justin's thigh.
	"What's the matter?" Justin echoed incredulously, voice hitching as tears slipped down his flushed cheeks. "What's the matter? Everything's the matter!"
	"Sh... Like what? Nothing's the matter... This is all going to work out."
	Justin was convinced at that point that JC was crazy. He was absolutely insane. He did not understand a thing. Was he even awake? Maybe this was all a dream.
	"Justin..."
	"We don't have time for this!" Justin slid off the table, the paper crinkling beneath him. He felt inches from being hysterical. He took deep, ragged breaths. "We don't have time for this! We have a flight tomorrow morning at a time so early that it's just hours away... And we have a show tomorrow. We have a show tomorrow in Germany and I have to dance! And I can't... I can't. And I don't have time for them to fix me because we have to go, JC. We have to pack and we have to go and... And I won't have any pain medication because we don't have time for that either and... and... "
	JC watched Justin carefully as the boy wobbled on his feet. "Justin, please... Sit down. We do have time. We do... I promise."
	Justin looked like he was about to pass out. Instead, he stumbled over towards the garbage can in the corner. When he reached it, he hunched over and began to throw up. He finished and stayed there, breathing heavily, shoulders hunched.
	JC swallowed, wondering when the doctor would come back, and moved quickly over to Justin. When he touched Justin's shoulder, Justin answered sharply, "Don't touch me!" 
	"Justin," JC objected. "Come on....Don't do this to yourself, baby, please..."
	"I can't do it,"  Justin answered loudly. "But don't touch me. It hurts!"
	JC backed up, pressing his lips together. He didn't know what to do. They had so much going on and Justin had had so much going on and he truly didn't know what to do to help him. It seemed like every day it was something new, something more serious. How were they going to survive?
	Justin was right. They had a show tomorrow. They had a flight tomorrow. How were they going to handle this?
	Suddenly his promise seemed stupid. Naïve.
	He looked at Justin sadly.
*******
	When JC came out alone to the guys in the waiting room, he looked tired and drawn, eyes fatigued and demeanor down. He sat down heavily in a chair.
	"So?" Joey began. "What's up?"
	"He broke or fractured some bone in here." JC indicated the thumb on his own hand. "It's common a break, apparently, not hard to heal, especially for someone at his age. When you're young you heal quick."
	"That's good news then, right?" Lance asked.
	"Uh, right..." 
	"Where is he?" Chris persisted.
	"Getting a cast. He's... He's really upset. I think all that we have to do is starting to dawn on him and he's... Well, it's like.... We have a flight and a show tomorrow night and it's really getting to him. He just broke down. When the doctor came back and saw him, he said he would give him something to calm him down."
	"Really?" Joey raised his eyebrows. "That bad?"
	"He thinks he's messing up our plans."
	They were all quiet. None of them wanted to admit it, but they were all wondering if this small twist of fate would mess up plans.
	JC cleared his throat. "Um... Did... Did any of you call Johnny?"
	Lance eyed JC. "We're not going to... change anything, are we?"
	"No. Of course not. I don't even think we could if we needed to. And we don't. But it's just going to be a little harder now."
	"I'll call him," Chris offered. "I'll explain everything to him."
*******
	Justin's cast was blue. When they asked him what color he liked, he'd groggily replied blue, not even thinking about it. The whole cast process to him disappeared from his mind. He knew the doctor had given him something but that was about all he knew. Well, he did know that he was incredibly tired and drowsy and just wanted to close his eyes. He knew that. And he was really very sad too, and couldn't help it. He'd already been sad and drowsy at practice. 
	He didn't really remember anything after that. He just knew that when he was opening his eyes at one point he was in the car and then at another he was in bed. And that was weird. It was like jumping back and forth in time. 
	His arm throbbed under the hard blue cast. He wondered if he had any pain medication. They really didn't have time for getting that. He wanted to know what time it was too. When was their flight? He had to pack? Where was everybody?
	When he sat up in bed, the room was dark, and he felt a heaviness in his head. He thought he was dizzy but without light to see if the room was spinning, he couldn't be certain.
	But it was dark and he wanted to know where he was. He panicked. What bed was he in? Who's house was he at? Was he still in America? This was information he was entitled to. 
	"JC!" he yelled suddenly. "JC!" 
	A minute passed. He started to feel nervous, but then JC was in the room and a light shined in from the hallway that he'd come from. Justin took a deep breath and blinked, looking around. He was in his mom's bed. 
	"You're awake..." JC said softly, crawling onto the bed to sit beside him. "How you feeling, J?"
	Justin sniffled and reached up to wipe at his eyes. His hand had the cast and it hurt. "How come..." His voice was hoarse. "Why am I here..." He was too tired, and JC would know what he was talking about anyway.
	"You're in here because we're finishing packing..." JC murmured, smoothing back Justin's hair. "And it'd keep you awake if I went through your room with you in there..."
	"Mom?"
	"She and Paul are helping me. Do you want to see her?"
	"No." Justin winced as he moved his hand by mistake again.
	"Okay... Justin, lay down, alright, bud...?" JC pushed his shoulder gently. "The other guys are finishing getting their own stuff ready and then they're going to come over here, okay? But I don't want you up until we really have to go..."
	"But..." Justin laid back down slowly. He swallowed. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do it."
	"J."
	"I'm sorry." 
	"I'll overpack for you, I promise," JC answered, giving him an earnest look. "I promise. Just sleep, okay? It's early enough that you'll feel okay if you sleep." 
	Justin nodded, and closed his eyes. In moments, he was back to sleep.
*******
	The airport was not crowded at all at the early hour they arrived. Justin was awake and lucid, but silent and docile, leaning into their directions. While not in as much pain as earlier, he still wasn't quite himself. He had no opinions on what they were doing, and he just kind of floated. Johnny had been notified of what had happened, and he was annoyed at the fact it was happened, but understood that it was purely an accident and there wasn't much they could do at this point. He was fine once he got assurance that Justin was fine to perform that night in Trier, Germany. 
	Ironically, as hysterical as Justin had been about worrying whether they'd have time to do everything and whether things would work out, he almost felt like he wanted to be just as hysterical about not wanting to go. Because he really didn't want to. The thought of screaming fans in his face and being on stage with the lights and the music and a stage that maybe he'd slip on again.... All this brought tears to his eyes. 
	And then his mom had told him she thought he should stay at home. And JC had asked him at the doctors if he really wanted to go. And... Maybe they all knew he couldn't do it. Maybe they all knew he'd completely messed them up, but they just couldn't yet tell him it was his fault. 
	Justin sniffled, trying to remain sitting quietly in the hard chair at the airport. He didn't want to bawl. He felt like a baby. A big useless baby that ruined everything. He wiped at some tears futilely.
	Joey  looked up from the comics in his newspaper and frowned at Justin from the seat beside him. "Hey. You alright?"
	"I'm fine," Justin managed, and fairly convincingly, he thought. JC was asleep on his other side. Justin knew he couldn't stay home. He wouldn't even say it to them. How could he do that? After all this? Doing that would destroy everything. And because of one really tiny broken bone? He could survive. 
	Joey  reached down into his bag, musing at the candy he had, and pulled out a Charms Blowpop. He unwrapped it and held it in front of Justin. "You like cherry?"
	It was too early for sugar, Justin thought as Joey gave it to him. He stared at it. 
	"Oh, here..." Joey took it back and then took off the wrapper for him, making Justin feel even more like a invalid. 
	But he took the lollipop anyway and pushed it into his mouth. Even though it was early, Justin didn't really feel it was. It didn't feel like any time, really. He felt like he was still floating. 
	"What are you thinking about?" Joey asked.
	Justin reached up with his good hand to pull the lollipop out of his mouth. "Choreography," he replied. He was. He was thinking about what they'd have to change. He sniffled again.
	"You're not going to cry again, are you?" Joey asked warily.
	"No." Justin had cried a lot in the past night. He stuck the lollipop back in his mouth. He stayed quiet.
	"Well, you can cry if you want." 
	"Nope," Justin replied. 
	"Alright." 
	Justin sucked on the candy complacently. He wanted to get out of this daze. 
*******
	They got breakfast on the plane and it made Justin want to throw up again. They each got a little tray with a little plate on it. There was a stale muffin, a hard bagel, and some recycled eggs. And a little carton of milk and a tiny packet of butter.
	"JC," Justin began, annoyed that he sounded like he was whining. But he was whining. He couldn't help it. He wanted to whine. He wanted to get off the plane. He wished he didn't feel like such a moron. He was so pathetic. 
	"I know what you're thinking..." JC began. "I do. But don't say it. Can you eat some of it? It's good for you. None of us had a good breakfast."
	"Joey gave me candy," Justin answered.
	"That doesn't count," JC replied. He was about to say something else but at that second the stewardess was passing. "Excuse me?" he began.
	She turned to look at him with a smile. "Yes, sir? Do you need anything?"
	"Yeah, hi. I was wondering... Do you happen to have anything else? Like cereal or....?"
	"Yes, we do. We have Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, Fruit Loops, and... I think Grapenuts."
	"Can I have a couple boxes of Cheerios?" 
	"Sure." 
	JC smiled at her as she left and sighed, looking back at Justin. "Good?"
	"JC, I love you." Justin rested his head on JC's shoulder thankfully. "That's why you're my favorite."
	"All you've got to do is speak up," JC answered. "And you get what you want." 
	The stewardess returned, handing JC two tiny boxes of Cheerios and a bowl. He thanked her and then turned back to Justin, putting the bowl down in front of him as he started to open the first box. "How's the arm? Or hand?" he asked as he pushed the flaps back and pulled open the plastic. "You want it in the bowl, right?"
	"Bowl," Justin agreed. He lifted his head from his shoulder. "The arm's okay." 
	"When it really starts to really hurt, you know you can take more pain pills."
	Justin nodded, watching JC pour. He loved JC more than anything now. He always took care of him. JC would make things work. JC wasn't as much as a lunatic as he'd thought in the doctor's office. They'd gotten everything so far. He'd gotten his cast. And he'd gotten pain medication too. The doctor had given them a full bottle as well as a prescription, telling them it was also a common medication in Germany and that they shouldn't have too much trouble if they needed a prescription, if they just went to a doctor. 
	"Here." JC set the bowl back in front of Justin, pushing the plate back further on the tray. "Alright?"
	"Thanks," Justin persisted. "Really."
	JC laughed and pushed back Justin's curls affectionately. "It's fine. Just eat something."
********
	"How are we going to handle this?"
	JC blinked at Chris and frowned. The man was leaning over the back of his seat to face him, a concerned look on his face. JC saw his eyes glimpse over at Justin and took a look as well.
	Justin had fallen asleep just minutes after they'd finished eating. In fact, he hadn't even finished eating when he began to slouch down in his chair tiredly, the seatbelt around his waist probably the one thing keeping him from sliding to the ground. His eyes had closed, and he was then out, jaw slack and his pink lips parted as he breathed gently. The pain pills knocked him out. 
	"Him?" JC asked.
	Chris returned his gaze to JC and nodded. "Yeah... I was just thinking, you know, and... I don't know how we're going to do this."	
	"He can do it," JC assured, still studying Justin. He leaned over and reached down to tug at Justin's seatbelt. "You think this is too tight?"  
	"Not if it's not waking him up," Chris replied, watching JC fiddle with the strap. "In fact it looks like it's holding him up. Leave him alone."
	JC rubbed at his jaw and sighed. "He can do it... We just have to... You know, change the choreography for him a little bit..."
	"I told Johnny that he was perfect. Everything was fine. Just a little broken bone."
	JC eyed him. "Well..."
	"What was I supposed to say? This isn't a very good time... I didn't know what to say. When I first started to tell him, I really thought he was going to go at it."
	"He'd better not," JC replied. "How could it have been prevented? Justin's played with that same move for so long and nothing's ever happened."
	"Yeah... I think he knows that... But like, they're all going to be looking at this from the managerial point of view, JC... You're looking at it in the familial view. I am too, but I was sitting here and just thinking... And I started to get scared."
	"I know. Me too." 
	"Do his drugs work well?"
	"I don't know. I mean, I think so... It hasn't even been a full day, Chris... He's still... I mean, he just really needs to sleep." 
	"Well, then he can sleep all day and we'll drug him for tonight. It's the first show. It's got to be good..."
	"Chris, I know," JC began, starting to get a little irritated. "Can we not get right into it now? I'm nervous too... But what can we do? "
	"The pills knock him out, huh?"
	JC nodded. "Yeah."
	"Jesus..." Chris sighed and disappeared back into his own seat. He wanted to punch something. He really did. He wanted to yell at whoever had made their schedule, at whoever it was that crammed everything they needed do so close together so that nothing, not even an emergency, could fit in between.
	But there was nothing they could do about it. He couldn't punch anybody. There were no walls for him to punch on the plane. They had no choice. Who were they to say? If they tried to change something now... Then it would be over. They had their growing mass of fans in Germany, but without this tour... This tour that was preceding their album... They had to do this. They'd go back to nothing after working so hard.
*******
	Justin kept insisting that he'd only been asleep for fifteen minutes even after JC assured him he'd been dead for the whole plane ride. He wouldn't believe it though. Unless the plane ride was only fifteen minutes, he said. Which it definitely wasn't. Stepping into the German terminal, he got that feeling of dread in his stomach in addition to the fact his eyes were closing. He kept thinking that he wasn't supposed to be here. 
	Maybe he should have stayed home. He liked when they'd all be together in the house. Not a tiny hotel room. 
	He sat down at the first chair he saw. The airport wasn't very crowded.
	The others kept walking for a second before they noticed he'd sat. And then they looked at him like he was a burden.
	He felt it in there eyes. And in the tired moment, he didn't even care. 
	"Justin, come on," JC insisted. "You were just sitting for hours." 
	Justin slunk lower in the chair, stretching out his legs, and gave JC a pitiful look. JC offered a hand to help him up but Justin ignored it. "I'm tired." 
	"We're all tired, dude. We have to go get our baggage," Chris objected. 
	Justin rubbed at his eyes with his good hand.
	Chris sighed. "That means... Get off your ass."
	"I'm tired!" Justin replied loudly. "This drugs... "
	"We're all tired," Chris replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "In fact, I believe you are the only one of us that got a wink of sleep last night. The rest of us were packing."
	"But I'm tired," Justin insisted, leaning his head back to look up. He ignored Chris's statement about their baggage. He knew they had to go, but he couldn't help it if he felt like his limbs weighed a ton. The UNC baseball cap he was wearing slipped off his head when it caught on the back of the chair. "Drugs make me tired."
	"You haven't had drugs for a couple hours," JC answered, walking around to pick up the cap from the floor. He pulled it back down over Justin's curls as Justin yawned. "Come on. You can sleep when we get our car." 
	"Carry me..." Justin insisted, looking at him. 
	"Oh, you're kidding me." JC tapped the brim of Justin's hat. "Tell me you're kidding me. Let's go, Justin..."
	Justin said and did nothing, except to slide lower in his seat. 
	"Justin, if this is how that medicine makes you," JC urged, "then you're going to have to have something else, because how can you be like this tonight?"
	"So I'll sleep now." Justin didn't know why that didn't make sense. He could be ready later if they let him rest now, more than fifteen minutes. He wondered if it was dark or light outside. He forgot if the time difference went forwards or backwards. "I'll be fine later." 
	"Leave him," Chris began. "He'll follow."	
	JC frowned. He wasn't so sure about that. This wasn't Justin being difficult, this was him actually not feeling right. He was actually tired and drugged for real. And JC couldn't blame him for wanting to sit down. 
	"Hey, you want to go on my back?" Joey asked suddenly after Chris's threatening looks weren't seeming to work with Justin. "Like a piggyback." 
	Justin looked up at him, as if seeing if he was for real, and then put his arms out. "Yeah."
	"Joey, he's heavy," JC objected. "Don't do that." 
	"Are you for real?" Chris shook his head. "Joey, he's sixteen. He can walk." 
	"It's okay," Joey answered. 
	"Don't make him do that," JC told Justin. "Come on." 
	"We're going to be late," Lance said, eyeing his watch. "It's not like we have that much time. We're not near the hotel or the venue." 
	"This is ridiculous," Chris persisted. "Justin, get the fuck up." 
	Chris's voice was sharp, and it woke him up a little. He knew he had to listen, especially when he heard the word late. He was messing things up enough already. Justin groaned as he forced himself up out of his seat and dragged his feet as he walked towards the rest of the guys.
	"Listen," Chris told him, putting a hand on his back and talking more gently. "You can sleep all you want later, you know. I understand. I do. But we just need to do this."  
	"I know..." Justin muttered. 
********
	They didn't even have time to go to the hotel. From the airport they went directly to the arena to get ready for the show. In the van ride over, Lance pulled out the schedule he had, a many times over folded piece of paper with dates and places. He studied it for a moment before saying,
	"Well, I have some good news."
	"Good news?" Joey asked. "What?"
	"Well, tonight we have a show. And tomorrow also, in Celle. And the night after that in Hamburg. We have to go to the studio then too, but that's also in Hamburg. And on the fourth when we practice for the Echo awards? We're still in Hamburg."
	They waited for him to say something else.
	When he didn't, JC asked, "What's the good news?"
	"Well... We get to stay in Hamburg. That's a day without traveling. We can probably stay in a hotel instead of on the bus..." Lance replied slowly. He frowned. "I thought it was good…"
	"All I see is work, work, work," Joey answered, taking the paper from Lance to look at it. "And more work." He wanted to crumple the paper up and throw it out the window. But he couldn't do that. 
	"But you know..." Chris started. "These tickets were sold for our tour. So it's different. We're the headliners." 
	Joey nodded and then laughed. "Yep. So longer set. More work."
	"More recognition."
	"I know, I know." 
	The rest of the ride was relatively quiet. Lance and Joey talked for a little while in low tones, mostly of nothing. They went from different subjects, like people they'd seen in the airport, but they also fell into gaps of intermittent silence. The entire ride had an air of nervousness. On top of it being their first show back in the country, and finally all about them, it was now more complicated. With Justin hurt and drowsy, it was hard to predict if they really could be *NSYNC. 
 	When they got there, their moods were a little raw. But someone on their team had at least thought of them in terms of food, and they found sandwiches and food and drinks waiting for them when they arrived. They didn't have too much time to eat, but they were thankful anyway.
	"Thank God, I was starving," Joey said. "Honestly, I was thinking I would have to eat something inedible."
	Lance laughed. "Like what?"
	"I don't know. Paper?" Joey smirked. "I was going to ask to see our schedule again, and when you pulled it out, that would be the end of it."
	Lance rolled his eyes. "You're a clown." 
	There really wasn't anywhere to sit, and so they found folding chairs backstage and sat in a circle, facing each other. The tension was high- it was their first real show- and it showed. 
	"No one can mess up," Chris said. "I mean it. People are watching. Real people. Its our show. Nothing slips up."
	"You know that goes for you too, Mr. Dictator," JC said.
	"I know. I'm just as nervous." 
	"We've been practicing forever," Lance assured. "It'll be fine."
	"I hear it's going to be packed," Joey began. "Like beyond capacity."
	JC watched Justin carefully, wondering how he was feeling but not wanting to ask. He knew a lot of the tension was due to Justin. Not his fault necessarily, but it just had to do with wondering how he would handle everything having a cast and having the pain. He had been so quiet since leaving the airport that none of them knew what to think. 
	Justin for now was focused on his sandwich. All the sandwiches had been wrapped in plastic wrap, to keep fresh, and with one hand he was attempting to get it off. They didn't have a table, so the paper plate it was on was balanced on his lap. 
	The frustration was clear on his face. His brow was furrowed, lips pressed together in perseverance. JC knew he wouldn't ask for help, but he would just get himself angrier as he tried to do it himself. He was too yearning for self-sufficiency to ask. But they didn't have time for that. They had about ten minutes to eat.
	Joey then reached over to take it from him, wanting to help, but Justin lost it then.
	"Leave it!" he yelled, pulling it back. His voice was sharp.
	The other three paused their conversation about the show to look at him, surprised at his sudden outburst. Justin looked up and saw their faces. With a grunt of irritation, he pushed the paper plate with the sandwich off his lap, and to the floor. Then he got up and stalked away.
	"Okay..." Lance began.
	"Dude... He almost bit my head off..." Joey said slowly. "I just thought I'd help... He was struggling there." 
	"He's frustrated," JC explained, reaching down to pick up the fallen food. "That's all." Luckily it was in the plastic because the floor didn't look too clean. "We've been nonstop for God's sake."
	"Well, what are we supposed to do? He doesn't have time for another nap," Chris answered.
	JC looked at him. "I know. But it doesn't help when he's feeling down on himself for being hurt and you start your conversation about how everything's got to be perfect."
	"Not that way," Joey objected.
	"Because obviously parts of his choreography have to change," JC persisted. "And we haven't even completely discussed that yet."
	"He can just do something else for the parts he can't do," Lance answered. "The crowd will never know if the rest of us are still together."
	"Besides, he's their favorite," Joey answered. "They'd love it if he walked nearer to them or something."
	"He'll have to do something," JC replied. 
	"He has to eat too," Chris continued. "I don't care if you have to shove it down his throat yourself, but he has to eat. Especially with the painkillers he's going to have to take before we go on. Those won't help an empty stomach. They already fuck him up enough." 
	"We don't have time," JC sighed, remembering Justin's insistence from the doctor's office. Justin was right.
	Chris shook his head. "Justin!" he yelled down the hall where Justin had gone. He looked at them. "We do have time if he sucks it up and comes back. He shouldn't even be down there by himself anyway."
	JC started to get up, but Chris shook his head at him. "No, sit. Eat. He's coming back."
	JC rolled his eyes but remained seated. He opened his own sandwich and started to eat. 
	"Some of the girls out there had signs, did you see?" Lance asked, referring to the fans that had been in the parking lot when they arrived. 
	"There were a couple slutty looking ones too," Joey said appreciatively. When the others looked at him, he looked surprised. "What?"
	"Some of them looked younger than me," Lance objected.
	"Yeah, yeah..." 
	Justin returned within a few minutes and reclaimed his seat, dropping down into it heavily. 
	"Just because you can't take plastic off a damn sandwich," Chris began irritably, "doesn't give you the right to act like a diva. I don't care if you broke your whole arm. I don't care if you broke both your arms. Don't do that. If you can't handle a move on stage are you going to fucking have a fit then too?"
	Justin said nothing. Not even as JC put his plate back in his lap. The plastic was off the sandwich now. 
	"Because if you do, I'm going to cut you off. It's my group. You're not ruining it. You broke a little bone. Suck it up." 
	"You don't know what it―"
	"One little bone in your hand, Justin. Ignore it." 
	"Then why'd they put a big cast on it?" Justin demanded, voice rising in indignation. "That gets in my way?"
	"To piss you off, Justin. That's why." 
	"But―"
	"You're not letting one bone get in the way of all we've been doing. Got me?" Chris eyed him. "It's not practice tonight, it's real."
	"I know that," Justin replied petulantly. "Quit being an asshole!"
	"Only if you quit acting like you're handicapped. If Johnny sees you whining about it, you don't even want to go there. He's happy thinking you can do this fine."
	"Chris, let him eat," Joey answered. "You eat too." 
	"I can do this fine," Justin said.
	"Well, good," Chris murmured. 
*******
	There was a lot of press there for the first concert. They had to change and get ready for the show and then meet the press with smiles. Justin was angry at everything at that point. He was angry that Chris thought he was just complaining about everything, and he was angry at their schedule, and he was angry that his bones hadn't let him break ance, and he was mad at whoever's water it had been that had made him fall. He was especially angry that he couldn't take a nap before they went on. 
	But he sat there in an uncomfortable chair and tried not to look so angry.
	"Put your arms up."
	He was mad that couldn't dress himself either. He didn't mind as long as JC was the one to help him. JC was the only one allowed to treat him like this, and the only one he'd admit it to if he couldn't do it himself. He wouldn't let the others or anyone else and they'd better not try. 
	Justin held his arms up as JC pulled his shirt up over his head and carefully over his arms. JC was talking, saying how he bet his hand would feel better in a couple of days, and he'd probably be able to do more with it. Justin wasn't sure how that would work, considering how his wrist was stuck in the position it was in and his thumb too. And he didn't feel like moving those other four fingers either. 
	Justin looked down at his stomach as JC reached behind him for his costume clothes. He played with the button of his jeans with his left hand, and almost had it when JC told him to put his arms up again. 
	"Do you think Chris is mad at me?" Justin asked as JC pulled the shirt sleeve over his bad arm first. He winced a little, even though JC was careful. He was more afraid of it going a wrong way.
	"No," JC answered. "Don't listen to him." He held Justin's good wrist and put it through the other sleeve before pulling it down to put over his head. "He's just nervous too." 
	"But if―"
	"You know how he gets," JC cut him off. "That's his idea of a pep talk."
	"Where was the peppiness?"
	"Exactly." JC pulled Justin's shirt down. "It's like..." He tugged at the edge of Justin's shirt. "He's mad, but not because you hurt yourself... He's mad because you're hurt. Get it?"
	Justin shrugged.
	"He wants you to feel better. That's all. Don't take him the wrong way." JC looked at him. "You'll be okay tonight?"
	"I can't take off my own pants."
	JC laughed. "But otherwise?"
	"I guess." 
	JC reached for the waistband of Justin's jeans, wondering how awful this would look if someone came in and saw them. But the guys had already changed and he had changed himself. They had left so he could help Justin, seeing how the stage and the place looked. No one would come in.
	"What about..." Justin moved his hands so JC could unbutton. "How about if I have to go to the bathroom?"
	"Well, then practice with doing buttons one-handed," JC replied with a smirk. "Unless you want to ask the guy next to you to help."
	"JC!"
	"Well." JC snickered. "You asked." 
	"I'd ask you." Justin sighed. "I got this part." He used his good hand to pull down his jeans and awkwardly tried his hardest to do it quickly. He sighed again.  
	"Don't sigh like that," JC objected. "I bet by tomorrow you can do all of this yourself." He watched Justin step out of the jeans and kick them aside. 
	"It just sucks..."  Justin stood there while JC reached for the other pants. 
	"Here." JC crouched down and held the pants open and low. "Step in." 
	"I feel retarded." Justin stepped into the legs of the pants. 
	"Well... I don't know what else to tell you."
	Justin sighed once more.
	"Stop sighing," JC persisted. "I mean it." He pulled Justin's pants up and did the zipper and button. "Was that so bad?"	
	"If you have to do it twenty times a day. I'm not a baby."
	"You don't change your clothes twenty times a day." 
	"It feels like it. When you count all the changing and unchanging." 
	"Unchanging." JC smirked. "Shoes. Where are your shoes?"
	Justin sat down in a chair and shrugged. "What about at photo-shoots? That's going to suck." 
	"This is just the first day..." JC walked over and located Justin's sneakers himself. "You don't understand that after today you're going be so much better."
	"I want more pills," Justin replied, slouching in his seat. 
	"What?" JC pulled the laces loose of the shoe and kneeled down to put it on his foot.
	"Wrong foot!" Justin objected, pulling it out. "JC. For God's sake."
	JC rolled his eyes. "Sorry." He put it on the other foot. "Can't be perfect."
	"You were nearly perfect until then." Justin leaned over to watch JC. "Tie them tighter."
	JC pulled the laces tighter. "Good?"
	"Better. Can I have more pills?"
	"Yeah, probably." JC grinned. "After all these pills, J, I'm pretty sure you won't feel a thing."
	There was a knock on the door and Joey entered, saying, "It's me." He walked across the room towards his clothes. "Almost done?"
	Justin craned his neck to watch Joey fish his wallet out of his pants, putting it into his other pants pocket. "I can't do anything," he told him.  
	"Sure you can," Joey answered. "You're going to dance your ass off, right?" He turned back to face them.
	"I mean I can't even put on pants."
	"Yeah, maybe, but you can still dance your ass off, right?"
	"I want to try." 
	JC stood up when he finished tying the second sneaker. "He's ready."
	"I'm ready," Justin agreed.
	Joey laughed. "Well, that's a start. There's some mag people and camera people out there, just so you're prepared," Joey began. "So smile." 
	Justin put on a big fake grin. "Smiling."
	"Not like that…" Joey rolled his eyes.
******
	Lance thought they'd been well prepared for that night. Sure the studio they practiced in was different than the smoky, crowd-packed arena of screaming girls they encountered that night, but they'd worked hard enough that the adjustment was not a big challenge. They were well ready for the long set and strenuous dancing. They had in fact always done a lot more in practice since they did songs multiple times.
	The reaction of the crowd had been amazing, especially since they were there for just them. The opening act had been Solid Harmonie and those girls had been very nice and did a good job revving up the crowd. It was actually weird to them not to be the ones opening. They'd gotten to meet the three members, Mariami, Beki, and Elisa and had gotten along well. When the guys came out, things went into an uproar of screaming and chanting and singing along.
	Justin had done well too. He had kept out of a lot of the choreography, feeling nervous about it, but the fans screamed at his separate moves and when he walked towards the edge of the stage instead of staying in back with the guys. They also gave him a lot of sad 'oohs' and 'awws' when he showed them his cast. His temperament and energy on the stage would never have shown how he'd been earlier in the day, cranky and tired, wanting to sleep and go home. They were all pleasantly surprised at how much he was completely on and enthusiastic to be there. 
	But now he was completely out of energy. They all were. They had survived.
	They were on their bus, on the way to the next venue, tired but pleased. Maybe relieved. There was a tiny TV in the back that picked up about seven stations, and so they all had gathered in there, not quite ready yet for bed, and tuned to an American movie that had German subtitles. There was a VCR and for a few minutes after Joey and Lance took the couch, they talked about getting movies from somewhere. Chris and JC sat on the floor and Justin had gone inside to get a drink of water.
	"Would we be able to get movies in English?" Lance asked.
	"They'd have to be," Joey replied. "What would be the point?"
	"I don't know. I just don't know where to get movies."
	"We've seen plenty of shopping around," JC replied. "I'm pretty sure we've seen some video stores."
	"I don't know..." Lance sounded skeptical.
	"Where do you think we are?" JC laughed. "Lance, we're in Europe. Not another planet. They sell movies here too."
	"Yeah, but in English?"
	Justin came back into the room then, and slowly walked towards them.
	"Hey, man. You did so good tonight..." Joey began, watching Justin climb over Chris's legs to find a space between him and JC to sit.
	"Good is right," Chris agreed, patting Justin as he passed him. "Better than good."
	Justin said nothing, pressing himself between his two friends, where there really wasn't room.  He felt groggy and wanted to sleep, but he didn't want to be alone or in one of the tight bunks. He wanted contact. If they were all up, he wanted to be up. They always stayed up and talked like this after a show and it didn't feel right, even if he was tired, to go to be without anyone. 
	JC let Justin settle into him without saying a word. He slid an around his waist comfortably, being careful not to jar his bad arm. Justin felt warm and soft and suddenly just seemed... young. 
	"It was a very good show," Lance agreed. "If we can just do that every night." 
	"I know, right?" Joey replied. "Let's just take a video and show it every night."
	"That would kill the whole 'live idea, man."
	"See, Lance. That's why I'm not in charge." 
	They talked for the rest of the night about the show and their fans with a movie on distracting them just a little.
	When Justin fell asleep on the floor, Chris had thought to himself, good. If things went like this that would be perfect. Justin could nap when he needed on the bus and when traveling, and he would perform like gold on stage. He could heal in between. It was a little bone, they all said. It shouldn't take long to heal a little bone, right?
	And between acts he could do or act like whatever he wanted. If it hurt, then it hurt. He could express that. After all, no one really gave a shit as to whether Justin wanted to act like a child in between acts. As long as he was back to being himself on stage, that was perfect. Whatever he needed to get better. And now, curled up between them like a cat, Chris didn't even mind that he and JC had no personal space. Because of course he wanted to be coddled when he wasn't feeling well. He usually wanted that when he was perfectly fine and so the excess wouldn't bother them.
	As Justin slept through the movie, he became heavier and heavier leaning into JC. After the movie was over and JC's hip was aching and he needed to go to the bathroom, he realized he wasn't too fond of the placement.
	"I have to wake him up..." he said, with almost a groan as he stretched his arms above his head and yawned.
	"Go ahead," Lance replied. "He'll fall back asleep."
	"I hope," JC replied.
	"Just slide him to the floor," Joey answered. "He'll never even notice." 
	"Have him sleep on the floor?" 
	"Why not? Want me to get a blanket? He can sleep there. Those pills knock him out." 
	"The second I get up he's going to wake up," JC objected, giving him a knowing look. "You'll see."
	Chris turned the channel on the TV. "Well, then do it now. You're obviously not going to sit there all night."
	JC shrugged, moving his arms to gently push Justin off of him. He tried to be gentle, just moving Justin enough to slide out from beneath him and make sure he didn't lean on his arm.
	"Don't..." came the immediate objection, first in a murmur, and then when his fists couldn't latch onto JC, more forceful. "Don't." 	
	JC didn't listen. Justin was off him, on the carpet, and JC stood up from the floor, stretching out his cramped muscles. He was exhausted. He watched Justin squirm on the floor, trying to get comfortable, first on his stomach and then rolling onto his back, stretching out his limbs as his eyes looked up with an accusing stare. The floor wasn't comfortable.
	"Time for bed," JC said.  
	"I was in bed," Justin retorted huskily.
	"Not really... There's real beds." 
	"Whatever..." Justin scowled. "Real beds..." 
	"You can sleep there if you want," JC replied. "But I'm done being a pillow. I have to run to the bathroom."
	"I don't see you running," Justin countered.
	JC just shook his head and left the lounge. 
	Justin laid there for a minute, looking up at the ceiling. He could feel the bus's engines humming beneath the floor. He almost liked that feeling. He almost found it comforting, because it was a constant sound and rumble, but his arm was throbbing and his head was clouded. He wondered if he could have more painkillers. And he'd been sleeping too. Such good sleep. He missed sleeping. And then JC got up. Damn him. 
	He kind of had to pee himself. He started to think about that, and how he wasn't even sure he could unzip his own pants. It made him angry. "I can't even change my own clothes," he said aloud. 
	"You want help or something?" Joey offered. 
	Justin looked at Joey and shook his head. "No," he answered crossly. "Not from you."
	"Just trying to help... You know, if you can't do it yourself."
	"I can't," Justin replied hotly. "I can't do anything by myself. But sleep. I can sleep by myself. And I was sleeping and now I'm not anymore."
	"You can go back to sleep," Lance replied.
	"Maybe you can," Justin answered, "but it's not that easy."
	"Man, it took you five seconds to fall asleep before," Chris replied. "When you're tired enough, you won't even notice your arm."
	"I notice," Justin answered. 
	"Justin, you know, even if you don't feel good..." Joey began. "Try to be nice anyway... We're being nice..."
	"I know, but I was sleeping!" Justin cried. And now he had to pee. It was embarrassing. It was such a terrible feeling not to be able to do anything on your own. 
	"I know, but JC had to get up. And you can't sleep on the floor."
	"I was," Justin answered. "I was sleeping on the floor." 
	"Hey," Chris spoke up. He looked at Justin. "You're tired, okay. Fine. Just, sh..."
	"Why?" Justin felt a surge of exasperation.
	"Because, man... What more can we do?"
	Justin nodded, sad. "I know." 
	"Then chill... You'll sleep fine..." 
	JC came back then, running his hands through his hair. "How's everybody doing?" He looked down at Justin. "You still down there?"
	"Yes." Justin was still laying flat on his back.
	"You going to stay there?"
	"I don't know, JC..." Justin made a face. 
	"What's wrong?"
	Justin looked like he was going to cry. "I need to pee..." " 
	"Oh."
	Lance laughed out loud. "Oh, yeah. You can't do buttons, so you can't do your pants, so you can't pee by yourself... Sorry, I just... That's kind of funny."
	"Lance," Chris objected, at the same time Justin reached up with his good hand with a fist and hit Lance on the leg from the floor. 
	"Ow..." Lance objected. 
	"It's not funny," Justin retorted. 
	"It is kind of," Lance replied. "Why do you keep wearing pants with buttons if you can't handle it?"
	"Can't handle it," Joey echoed softly, trying not to laugh.
	"I don't know," Justin replied. "That's what I had."
	"Here." JC reached down towards Justin's pants and quickly undid the buttons. "Done," he said as he stood back up. 
	Justin rolled his eyes. 	
	"I'm going to sleep," JC said. "Anyone else?"
	"In a few," Chris agreed. "Yeah." 
	"Come on, Justin," JC encouraged. "You oughtta sleep too." 
	"Yeah..." Justin sat up on the floor. 
	"Try to wake up less of an asshole, will you?" Chris added from beside him on the floor. When Justin turned to look at him, ready to retort, Chris laughed and patted his leg, saying, "I'm just kidding, man.... I know it hurts... I'm sure it's a fucking pain. But you did good, so just keep that up."
	Justin didn't respond. He had a hard time knowing how to respond to Chris's rare praise. 
	"Good luck peeing," Lance said as Justin got to his feet. 	

********
	"When do I get to sign that thing?" JC asked, watching Justin wash his hands in the tiny bathroom, attempting not to wet his cast.
	"Huh?" Justin looked over. His eyes were tired, dark circles. He looked like he wouldn't have too much trouble falling back to sleep. 
	"Your cast. When can I sign?"
	"Are you allowed to?"
	JC made a face. "Why wouldn't I be allowed to?"
	"I don't know." Justin turned off the sink, and looked for a towel. When he couldn't find one, he wiped off his hand on his jeans. "I thought maybe they wouldn't want it signed if it's going to have to be seen in pictures and stuff."
	"Don't be ridiculous."
	Justin shrugged. "I just thought."
	"Who's they?"
	"There's always a they," Justin replied, leaning against the sink counter. He yawned. "They, them, those..." 
	"Well, those will have to deal with it. We're all signing it if you want us to," JC answered. "Besides. It's darker blue and if you sign in black, you'll barely see it. They probably don't even want your cast in pictures anyway."
	"I don't understand the big cast." Justin put his arm out in front of him, scrutinizing it. "It's just a little bone."
	"Well, if the bones around it move then it'd hurt it, I guess... And I think with you going away the doctor just wanted to make sure..."
	"I think they'll put a different one on later," Justin replied. "Isn't that what he said?"
	"I guess. I don't know, they said a lot"
	"I hate it. This thing is in the way of everything." Justin sighed. "And Lance is a dick."
	"Don't worry about it. Just let it roll off you. Everyone teases." 
	Justin nodded. He looked up at JC. "So tonight... Did I do okay...? Like... I didn't know... there were these some parts, that maybe I could've done more of the normal choreography. You know? But I didn't know if I could..." 
	"Justin... Are you kidding? You did mah-vah-lous," JC said, enunciating with a grin. "Beyond. You shocked us all."
	"You thought I'd suck?"
	"No." JC frowned. "You never suck. But, you know." 
	"Yeah." Justin yawned widely again.  He was still looking at his cast. He really hadn't had time to study it. It really had just been put on the night before and they'd been so busy.  
	"It's not that bad," JC said. "I can't believe it was just yesterday it happened.
	Justin nodded. "I had this friend once... Well, not a friend... I knew him. Greg. And he broke his arm, right? We were playing kickball and Tommy tripped him at the base, but anyway. And they put this huge cast on... He and his family were always going to like the beach and stuff for vacation. And he got really tan and when they took it off." He smiled and showed on his arm. "From like here to here? It was so pale. It was so funny." 
	"That must have looked weird."
	"And then Beth? We were in first grade and she broke her arm too. And it was bad, she broke it way worse than Greg," he paused, "and it was bad because when they took her cast off, one of her arms was longer than the other."
	"Oh no."
	"I don't know. One grew and the other didn't. Something with the growth plates. I don't remember. It was first grade." Justin laughed. "God, that's funny."
	"It's not funny. That's sad. Maybe it grew later."
	"I don't know. And then there was this kid, Jake?"
	"Justin..." JC interrupted apologetically. "That's enough..."
	"I'm just saying. Can I tell you?"
	"What.... What happened to Jake?"
	"His was crooked. The doctor did it wrong. And his arm was like this." Justin held his left arm out at an angle. "And he could move it all the way."
	"That's not going to happen to you."
	"I know. I'm just saying. I know a lot of people that broke their arm. But I just broke this little bone..." He looked at how his thumb was held up in the cast and held it out. "Thumbs up?" He turned it down. "Thumbs down."
	"Maybe your thumb will stay like that forever."	
	Justin gave him a look. "Shut up."
	"You want to get ready for bed?"
	"I'm going to sleep in these clothes," Justin answered. "It's fine." He started away from the little bathroom. "I want to find a marker. You think one of us has a marker?"
	"To sign?"
	"Yeah. 
	"You were exhausted a minute ago. You look exhausted."
	"I can't go to bed right now." Justin found a backpack. He didn't know whose it was. When he opened it, he saw the video camera and figured it was Joey's. He dug through it more. He found gum and took it. "Besides, you were the one that had the idea." 
	"I guess." JC stood off the side, watching Justin skeptically. He thought they should all go to bed, and thought Justin had really wanted to when he was laying on the floor before, but whatever. He wasn't going to say anything just yet. He was happy to watch Justin handling himself with the one hand pretty well. He'd unzipped the bag and was able to go through it. JC noticed he could use the cast to hold things in place, but he wasn't using his fingers yet. Usually he tried to keep the arm away from what he was doing, like has afraid of jarring it. 
	"Open this for me," Justin said, handing the gum to JC. "Give me one."
	JC slid a stick of gum out of the package and unwrapped it. "Here."
	Justin took the gum and stuck it in his mouth. "Thanks." He started to chew, still looking through the bag. His efforts proved useful when he finally found a sharpie. He grinned when he pulled it out, saying, "Yea for Joey." 
	It wasn't as late for them biologically as it actually was in Germany. They were still running on American time. It would hit them in the morning when they'd have to get up. JC wondered what they had scheduled for the morning.... Whether they'd be able to sleep.
	"You sign first?" Justin gave him the sharpie. 
	"Justin, we might have to get up in just a few hours..." JC began, taking the marker from him. "I don't know what to write." 
	"You're the one that wanted to sign it," Justin replied back, chewing on his gum. He turned back to close Joey's bag up. "I'll have them sign it if you don't want to."	
	"I'll sign it. I didn't mean I don't want to... I'm just telling you that it's late, Justin," JC replied.
	"I know, and I'll wish I felt differently tomorrow, but I've been sleeping all day. And I was sleeping before that. And I was sleeping, and sleeping, and sleeping. But I'm tired now and I can't sleep. I got woke up." 
	"Fine. Whatever. Come in and sit, and I'll sign it," JC answered in exasperation, walking back towards where they'd been watching TV. Justin followed him. 
	"When you sign my cast," Justin began as they were in the presence of the others again, "you all have to write neat. And be nice. It has to be pretty."
	"Who says we want to sign your cast?" Joey teased.
	"Fine. Then you can't," Justin answered. "You're not allowed. We'll just use your sharpie. And..." He snapped the gum loudly. "Your gum."
	"You went through my stuff, you little dork?"
	"Yep." 
	"Do you like it when people go through your stuff?"
	"No."
	"Then why do you go through mine?" 
	Justin didn't answer. 
	JC sat down on the couch next to Lance. "Come on, Justin. Do you want me to sign it or not?"
	"Don't go through my stuff," Joey persisted as Justin walked over and moved to sit on the floor by JC's feet. There was no room on the couch and this way he could put his arm in JC's lap. "You hear me?"
	"I hear you," Justin agreed passively. 
	"Move your fingers," JC said. 
	"What?" Justin tilted his head back to look at him. "Why?" 
	"Go like this." JC wiggled his fingers in Justin's face.
	Justin made a face and then slowly moved his fingers, other than his thumb.
	"Does that hurt?" Lance asked, watching him do it with a frown.
	"Kind of," Justin replied.
	"Well, I think you should do it anyway," JC replied. "Didn't the doctor say to move your fingers?"
	"I don't know." Justin felt as though he'd been unconscious during the entire doctor experience. After arriving and then getting X-rays and looking at them... Everything was really blurry. "I don't remember."
	"He did." JC took the cap off the sharpie. "Move the muscles." 
	"Write neat," Justin began, looking up again. JC hadn't started yet. "Don't just write my name. Write something nice." 
	"Like what?" JC replied with a sigh. 
	"Like, Chris sucks or something."
	"Hey," Chris began, giving him a look. "Watch it. Unless you want me writing something really interesting on there..." 
	Justin eyed him tantalizingly. "Is that a promise?" 
	"Well, I'm just going to write your name first," JC answered, starting to write a J. "But you have to keep still," he said as Justin shifted a little. 
	"Well, it's uncomfortable."
	"Well, you're the one on the floor."
	"There's no room on the couch," Justin explained.
	"If I find a marker, can I sign at the same time?" Chris asked, getting up.
	"If you want," Justin replied, with a shrug that moved his arm and made JC exasperated again. He was still on the J. "If you can find one." 
	"There was some kind of marker in the front before," Lance said. "By the microwave. I swear I saw one." 
	Chris came back a few minutes later with another sharpie. He sat down next to JC and leaned over to get to the arm. "I'll write right here..."
	"Is it mean?" Justin asked hesitantly. "Don't..." 
	"Why the hell would I be mean?" Chris replied. "Ye of little faith."
	Justin said nothing and decided just to let him do it. He sat and closed his eyes, yawning. They could write whatever they wanted. 
	"Done," Chris said a minute later.
	"Let me see," Justin answered, lifting his arm to move it towards himself. "It's upside down..." He turned his head to read it to himself. "Your hair is curly, you're not so burly, and very surely, you'll get hurt again." He looked up. "Chris! That's so lame!"
	JC leaned down to read it. "Chris, that's not very nice."
	"It's funny," Chris replied. "It's so true. He has something happen to him like every week. But I couldn't think of another thing to rhyme with it. So it kind of is dumb at the end."
	"What'd you write?" Joey wanted to know.
	"Nothing!" Justin yelled, getting agitated. "Chris! It's not even pretty!"
	"God forbid..." Chris rolled his eyes. He studied Justin and felt badly after a moment. "Are you really upset?"
	"Yes!" Justin hollered.
	Lance rolled his eyes. "Calm down. It's not that bad."
	"I can cross it out," Chris offered.
	"No!" Justin cried. "Then it's..." He didn't even finish. The idea of a big black spot of crossed out words was too much for him to handle at the moment. He regretted JC even asking if he could sign it. "No one else can sign it!"
	But then it was all off centered. This little jumbled part where Chris had written and then on the other side a J where JC had started. It looked awful. Why couldn't it be plain and blue again?
	"Chris, why'd you have to do that?" JC began. "You don't know when to stop teasing."
	"It's permanent!" Justin persisted.
	"No, it's not," Joey replied. "Justin, it's a temporary cast. Get over it." 
	Chris watched Justin's expression. "I didn't know he'd get so psycho about it... Man..." He pushed Justin's shoulder. "I wrote a poem for you, that's all."
	"I don't like your fucking poem," Justin replied angrily. "It sucks."
	"It rhymes though. Most of it. And the rhythm of it is―"
	"I don't care about the rhythym. It's not even a real poem."
	"Let me finish writing," JC began.
	"No!" Justin protested loudly. "It's my cast. I have to wear it. And who cares if it's 'temporary'? How long is temporary?"
	None of them knew. 
	"I'm sorry you don't have a sense of humor," Chris replied. "I'll write something else." 
	"It's too late," Justin answered. "You think I can wash it off?"
	"Let me see what he wrote?" Lance asked.
	"You can't wash it off," Joey replied. "You can't get a cast wet."
	Lance read the message as Justin extended his arm towards him. He rolled his eyes when he finished. "It's funny in the idea of it... But... That's really lame, Chris." 
	"It was a spur of the moment thing," Chris admitted. 
	JC shook his head, asking himself why he hadn't suggested that they all go to bed and do this sometime tomorrow... Why had he even brought up the idea of cast signing at all? He thought it was be a positive aspect of the cast. Little did he know.
	"Want me to fix it?" Joey offered. "C'mere, Jus, and I'll fix it."
	"You can't really fix it," Justin retorted from the floor. "It's ruined..." 
	"Justin..." JC put a hand on his head and rubbed at his curls. "It's black on blue. You can't really even see it." 
	"I know... But it's just what it says... I know what it says."
	"I didn't mean it like that..." Chris started again. "Not like I want you to get hurt again... I meant I was just trying to be funny."
	"Yeah..." Justin acknowledged reluctantly.
	"Let me finish," JC persisted. "Okay? Let me finish writing your name at least."
	Justin huffed and put his arm back in JC's lap to let him finish. All he could think was that it was going to be so ugly now. It was nice and blue before and now it was going to be ugly. It was bad enough having a cast at all.
	"Sorry," Chris said again. "You can't really see it. JC's right. The sharpie looks the same color as the cast." 
	"It's just stupid," Justin snapped. "I'm the one that has to wear it. Now it's got a stupid poem on it that doesn't even make sense, and your handwriting sucks too."
	"Well...." Chris shrugged. "The handwriting would have been bad no matter what it said." 
	"I'll get over it," Justin sighed.
	Chris laughed at the response. "Well, I'd hope so. I'd hate to fifty years from now have a grudge like that."
	"Someone in my family did that," Joey said. "I forget what it was about. But my mom every now and then mentioned Aunt... I think it was Elisa or something? Maybe she was a cousin. But something happened, something so trivial, and she and the family didn't speak for years."
	"People are stupid," Lance replied. He meant Justin was stupid, but it was the closest he could come without getting a regrettable response.
	"How do I shower?" Justin asked.
	"Um, you turn on the water," Joey answered. "And lather and rinse."
	"No..." Justin rolled his eyes as he gave Joey a look. "You said it yourself. I can't get it wet. And what if the hotel has a pool or something? That's not going to be fair, if you all get to go swimming." He sighed. "All this because one of you dumped water where I had to dance."
	"We were all doing that," Lance replied. "It was a million degrees." 
	"That's true," Justin conceded. "It's also true that ya'll kept messing up the routine, and that's why we had to keep redoing it."
	"For real?" Chris asked. "You're really saying that?"
	"Yes..." Justin sighed. "It's just... It sucks."
	"We know it sucks," Lance replied. "But it didn't mess up your voice, and it won't be on forever, so really it's fine." 
	"I wish it had messed up his voice," Chris replied. "This talking nonstop is really driving me up the wall."
	"Enough," JC objected as he finished drawing out Justin's name in block letters. "Here. I'm done for tonight." 
	"I just wish I could do stuff," Justin persisted as he pulled his arm back. "That's all...." 
	"So you can no longer piss by yourself. I'm sorry, Justin. That sucks. But you'll have to get over it." Chris smiled at him teasingly. 
	"Shut up, Chris," Justin huffed. "None of you get it. How frustrating it is."
	"Obviously it's frustrating," Joey answered. "But for the hundredth time, there's nothing we can do. And you get painkillers. I wish I got painkillers. But anyway, I think we're all tired..." Joey sighed, getting up from the couch. "So I think I'll hit the hay."
	"Loser," Chris joked, sliding up from the floor onto Joey's abandoned seat. "What are you, my Grandmother?"
	Joey gave him a look. "Please."
	Chris laughed. "I'm kidding. We'll all be passed out within a half hour. I guarantee it." 
	"We're technically losing, what is it, five or six hours of sleep..." Lance began as he got up as well. "Tonight. So I think... It might be good to sleep." 
	Joey rolled his eyes and left the room as he said, "Damn time change." Lance followed him out 
	"Sleep is amazing," Justin said, studying his cast with a frown on his face. He got up from the floor as he saw JC getting up from the couch. "Are you going to sleep?"
	"Yeah..." JC said. "I'm exhausted." 
	"Yeah," Justin agreed, watching him leave. He looked at Chris on the couch. "I guess I'm going to sleep too." 
	"Alright," Chris agreed. Then he said, "Hey, wait," and caught Justin's good arm as he was leaving towards the bunks and held him back. "C'mere for a sec," he said.
	"Ugh," Justin objected. He frowned and reluctantly dropped down onto the couch beside Chris. "What?"
	"Ugh," Chris echoed, sliding an arm over Justin's shoulders. "Come on, let me say something."
	"Okay." 
	"Alright, listen, poptart," Chris started. "I'm sorry about today. I'm sorry I fucked up your cast and that I gave you a hard time earlier, okay?"
	"Okay," Justin said.
	"You know I didn't mean it. Just before a show and all― "
	"Okay."
	Chris paused. He wasn't sure what to say if Justin was just going to say "okay" to everything.
	"I was stupid," Justin spoke up in the silence. "I know I was. But it did hurt. And it is really annoying."
	"Yeah, I'm sure it is." 
	"It is."
	"But you know how I get. Before shows and stuff."
	"Yeah," Justin acknowledged. He frowned. "Want to watch some TV?"
	"Yeah, man. Sure." 
*******
	Joey thought it was pretty obvious that Beki had eyes for Justin. He knew girls well and he knew what it meant when she accidentally bumped into him and then giggled about it when she apologized and walked away. When they did a run through of the choreography for one of the numbers at the next venue, he looked and saw that she was watching him from backstage.
	He thought it was nice. She seemed like a sweet girl and Justin was a good looking kid. He had a lot of their fans' attention already with his looks and his boyish charm. But Justin seemed oblivious to it, as though their interest couldn't penetrate his curls. Joey kind of wondered just how unaware he was. Especially when he overheard the conversation Beki tried to strike up with Justin after their run through.
	"So," Beki began, approaching Justin with a smile. He was sitting at the edge of the stage by himself, legs dangling over the side. He was rubbing at the underside of his arm where the cast ended, as if it bothered him. "How's your arm?"
	"Okay," Justin replied.
	"Justin, right?" Beki asked. "It must hurt." 
	Justin nodded, still looking at his cast. "It just itches." 
	"Yeah..." 
	When he didn't ask her name, she simply said, "I'm Beki," and stuck out her hand.
	Justin just looked up at her hand briefly. "I'd shake but my right hand is... Well, you know."
	She laughed nervously, "Yeah," and put her hand down. "You guys looked great up there."
	"Yeah. It's better with a crowd..."
	"Um... Well, how long have you been together?" 
	"Us?... A long time," Justin replied.
	"And you're from Florida?"
	"Yep." 
	"Well, you looked great..." She paused. "Oh, hey. Can... Can I sign your cast?"
	Justin's brow furrowed. "I'd rather you not..."
	She looked a little hurt. "Oh, okay. You don't want people to sign it?"
	Justin looked at it. "Chris did. JC started... It's like... It's messed up right now..."
	"Okay. I don't mind." She paused for a moment. "Well, I was wondering... Maybe we could have dinner or something sometime? Since we're on the road and all that it'd be nice to get to know each other. Someone else to talk to." 
	Justin frowned. "I don't know. Maybe. But we're usually pretty busy."
	"Oh, alright... That's okay. Well.... Hey, uh, I think the girls are probably wondering where I am, so I'll talk to you later..." 
	"Yep." Justin didn't look up.
	"Nice meeting you...." she said with a little bit of sadness. She walked away and was gone.
	Joey walked over when she had disappeared and settled down next to Justin. "Curly, Curly, Curly..." he began.
	"What?" Justin replied.
	Joey shrugged. "Wasn't it obvious?" He nudged him with his elbow. "She likes you."
	"Likes me?"
	"Yeah. As in she's interested in you."
	"That's nice." Justin didn't seem impressed. 
	"Justin." Joey laughed. "She's really pretty. Maybe you should talk to her."
	Justin frowned. "I just did." 
	"Justin, that's not how you talk to girls..." Joey began. "Want to learn from the master?"
	Justin leaned into Joey and looked at him earnestly. "No."	
	Joey laughed. "She asked you out. She asked to sign your cast. She asked all this stuff. And you gave one word, non-committing answers."
	"I don't know her."
	"Don't you ever get to know strangers? Are you just going to stay with your one small circle forever?"
	"I like my small circle," Justin replied. "I don't need to know strangers."
	"But... Justin, sometimes it's nice to go out with people. When was the last time you had a date?"
	"Jo-ey," Justin whined. "I said I didn't want―"
	"I know, I know. But I'm trying to help you out. Don't you know how many girls are in love with you, man? You could get so many. It's so easy. Especially being in a cool band like we are."
	"Joey..." Justin put his head on his shoulder and shutting his eyes in embarrassment. "Stop..."
	"Man, how many missed opportunities are you going to have...?"
	Justin rolled his eyes, moving to stand up. "Whatever. I need water." 
	Joey shook his head. Justin was confusing. If it were him, he'd jump at the chance to go to dinner with a girl like that who was sweet, talented, and interested in him. Justin seemed to look at everyone outside of the guys suspiciously. As if he thought they'd jump on him like that girl did that one time they went out to eat, scratching up his arm and shrieking in his face.
	"Justin just got asked out," he said a few minutes later to Chris when he passed him in the hall backstage.
	Chris turned away from the guy he was talking with and grinned at Joey. "For real? By who?"
	"Beki. From the opening act."
	"That is so cute," Chris replied with a smirk. "What, you heard her? Or did he tell you?"
	"I heard. But Justin's so..." Joey rolled his eyes. "It was actually kind of funny. She was trying to be really sweet to him and he would barely look at her. He's so oblivious."
	"Really?" Chris frowned. "But she asked him out?"
	"Yeah, she asked if they could have dinner or something together, and he goes 'I don't know, we're usually busy'." 
	"What?" Chris laughed. "Are you kidding? Maybe he doesn't like her." 
	"I don't think the notion of liking her even crossed his mind. I ask him, and he's like, she's a stranger..."
	"What? More like, she's interested...." 
	"Seriously... Hey, has he ever even been out on a date?"
	Chris made a face. "I'd think so, Joey. Come on."
	"I don't know. We started all our work when he was fourteen. That's young. And he's been so busy..."
	"I'm sure he's had dates. He was a little stud on the MMC."
	Joey didn't look so convinced. "Well, his pick-up skills need some work then... I mean, she's a nice girl."
	"Don't play matchmaker, Joe."
	"I'm just thinking it would be cute. She seemed to really like him. And Justin needs more friends."
	Chris rolled his eyes. "Ask JC, if you want info on Justin's sex life. He knows more than I do."
	Joey found that to be a good idea and sought JC out. He figured it was something to do. It could be cute to see Justin involved with someone other than the group. He could have fun with it. The only problem was that when he found JC, Justin was with him.
	He decided to try it anyway.
	"JC, guess what just happened to our little Justin?" Joey began.
	Justin looked up at Joey with exasperated eyes while JC just frowned and asked, "What?"
	"Joey, it's so stupid..." Justin began. "Why're you bringing it up?"
	"Justin got asked out..." Joey began in a sing-song voice.
	"Really?" JC rolled his eyes at Justin. "Who?"
	"One of the girls from the group," Justin admitted. "I forget which one... She told me her name."
	"Justin totally dissed her," Joey began. "Barely a word."
	"He doesn't have to go out with her," JC answered. "If he doesn't want to. Do you want to?" He looked at Justin questioningly.
	Justin made a disgusted face. "JC."
	"See?" JC shrugged. "He doesn't have to."
	"I didn't say he had to..." Joey replied. "I just thought his girl skills could be improved just a wee bit... You were a little cold, man."
	Justin gave him a pacifying look. "My cast was bugging me." He held his arm out, turning it. "See, it's really bothering me right here..." 
	It was a little red at the edge of the cast.
	"Then quit rubbing at it," JC answered. "What doctor are we going to go to if you get it all messed up?" 
	"I am not going to a doctor here," Justin objected, eyes widening. "No way." 
	"Then ignore it. Of course it's going to bug you. It's a cast. It's supposed to itch."
	"I guess."
	"Anyway..." Joey persisted. "Justin, she's not bad... She was sweet." 
	"Joey, why are you teasing him?" JC replied.
	Joey got an incredulous look. "I'm not teasing him at all!" he exclaimed. "I'm just... Justy, when was the last time you had a date?"
	"With your mother, and I left her with the check."
	"Justin," Joey answered. "Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to help you out here."
	"I don't like girls, Joey," Justin replied. "They scratch and scream and go psycho on you. I like you guys."
	"JC..." Joey looked at the older man with raised eyebrows. "Don't you think Justin needs a date?"
	"I think he just told you himself, Joe." JC smirked.	
	"JC... Man... Did you hear what he said?"
	"Yeah..."
	"Don't you think it's a little..."
	"A little what?" Justin demanded, putting a hand on his hip. Joey was sure the other would be on his other hip if a cast wasn't in the way of his mobility. 
	"I don't know..." Joey admitted. Weird? he wanted to say. Not natural? Like a kid who needed to step out of the box a little more?
	Justin looked hurt. "Why do you care anyway?" He leaned against the wall that was behind him, chewing on his lip. "I don't have time for... that. And she..." He wrinkled his nose. "I don't know." 
	"She was cute. She asked to sign your cast."
	JC laughed, giving Justin a look. "Did you freak out on her too?"
	Justin frowned. "No. But I told her she couldn't 'cause it's messed up." He studied it, holding his arm out again. "It is... See... Chris got it..."
	"Don't start on that again, okay?" JC smiled at him.
	Justin frowned at it. "Yeah..."
	"Hey, we know." JC shook his head with laughing exasperation. "Trust me, man, we got the gist last night." 
	"I know, but it was mean, wasn't it?" Justin asked. "Like, I'd specifically asked not to be an ass."
	"Okay. Back to your manners with girls," Joey interrupted. When Justin gave him a look he rolled his eyes. "We know you're mad at Chris.   
	"I'm not mad..." Justin objected. "Just disappointed..." That was what his mother always said.
	"Don't you think it'd be cute if you went out with her?" Joey asked. "I think she was really disappointed."
	"Joey, do you want her friend or something?" JC replied. "Let Justin do what he wants."
	"I don't understand why he's in like an 'ew, yuck, girls' phase at sixteen years old, that's all," Joey replied.
	"Some girls aren't like that," Justin protested. "But remember when we were at that burger place? And that girl came in the bathroom? And then when we were at that store and―"
	"Justin, that was a fan... Both times."
	"Isn't some girl who wants to date me going to be a fan of me? She won't hate me if she wants to date me," Justin argued.
	"Justin, you can be so thick. Are the curls getting in the way of your thinking process?" Joey asked with a laugh.
	Justin ran a protective hand over his head. "No." He leaned harder back against the wall, as if wanting to disappear through it. "Why are you asking me all this?"
	"Joey," JC began. "Leave him be."
	"Are you scared of girls?" Joey persisted. "I can help."
	Justin laughed and shook his head. "Nah. I'm not scared of them. I'd just rather avoid them."
	"Forever?"
	"Not forever."
	"Then when?"
	Justin's brow furrowed. "I don't know. When I feel like it." 
	"Joey," JC persisted, giving him a look. "What's the deal?"
	Joey tried to look at JC in exasperation. Of course JC was encouraging Justin. Because obviously Justin would cling to his words instead, especially if Joey was pressuring him. Because JC wouldn't make him do anything. And didn't want anyone else to make him do anything. He made it so easy for him to do nothing.
	"Besides," Justin began, looking sulky. "Are we even allowed to go out with girls?"
	"Who are you going to go out with? Boys?" Joey retorted.
	"Joey," JC objected in a sharp tone. "Why would you say that to him like that?" 
	Joey rolled his eyes. "Because, JC. I'm just trying to help him out."
	"I don't think we're allowed to date," Justin began. "Because... Because, I don't know. But didn't Johnny say that?"
	"You can but you can't say you are," Joey replied. "We're really not allowed to do anything. Bad for the image and all that. But what do they expect? Like I'm going to give up girls."
	"But you don't date," JC answered. "You're random. And then you have Kelly."
	"Kelly and I are not... We're not exclusive right now. We see other people."
	"Convenient," JC replied. "Yeah. So that's why maybe you better not give Justin his tips on dating." 
	"Who will?" Joey answered skeptically. "You?"
	"Can you both shut up?" Justin began. "Why'd you even listen in on the girl and me anyway, Joey?" He got a look on his face of exasperation. "I need more water." 
	Joey watched him leave and waited for JC's rebuke. It came four seconds later, accompanied by JC's roll of the eyes. "You're really something, Joe."
	Joey sighed. "What?"
	"You're great at making him uncomfortable."
	"How was I making him uncomfortable?"
	"Pestering him." JC looked at him. 
	"I'm not pestering him. I think he just needs more friends his age."
	"Well, it's your sarcasm. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
	Joey just rolled his eyes. 
*******
	"Heard you got asked out."
	Justin skidded to a halt as Chris said this, reeling around to face him. "What― Has Joey told the whole fucking world?"
	"Hey..." Chris held his hands up in mock surrender. "Chill, child..." 
	Justin gave him a look. "I don't," he began gruffly, "care for any tips, thank you."
	"Hey, I wasn't about to give any tips." 
	"Or comments."
	"None have even crossed my mind."
	Justin studied him, brooding. "I bet..." 
	Chris gestured him to follow as he started walking. "Let's take a walk. Tell me what's up."
	"What's up?" Justin echoed. He followed Chris even though he didn't feel like it, only because he knew if he didn't, Chris would only follow him. 
	"Yeah." Chris turned down a particular hall, taking long strides. "Like, are you still pissed at an old guy like me?"
	"A little," Justin admitted honestly.
	"It rhymed, Justin."
	"I know. But... I wanted you to write something a little nicer..."
	"Like what?" Chris retorted. "I don't know what to write on your cast. Especially nice. That would take me a while. I figured JC could write something nice and I'd be funny."
	"Yeah. But it's not funny..."
	"It is, Justin."
	He got a heavy sigh in reply.
	"You know," Chris began, "you sure have some mood swings, Justin... You remind me of a girl I dated in high school. Barbara. God, you could sure tell when it was that time of the month."
	"I was just tired last night," Justin objected. He didn't deny he had moods. He knew he did. He'd been told before, and if he got upset at the comment, even though it bothered him, it would just make Chris laugh at him and go 'see?'. It's not like he could help it. And they mostly knew to ignore him anyway. "I have a broken arm, and I was tired. Don't I have a right to be moody?"
	Chris shrugged. "Once in a while, I guess it's okay. Besides, as long as you don't do it in front of the press or fans or something..."
	"Chris, just shut up," Justin replied bitterly. His moods were his own business. "I know. When have I ever said anything wrong in front of them? Joey's the one that fudges up everything with press." 
	"That's not true. But speaking of what Joey says... tell me about this girl... Which one was she?"
	"I don't know."
	"She asked you out?"
	Justin sighed theatrically. "I guess so, Chris... I mean, obviously you've heard all the details."
	"Not really."
	"Well, she just asked how long we'd been together and said we looked really good..."
	"Sounds nice... Joey said you weren't nice?"
	Justin grunted, staring at the cracks in the floor. "What does Joey care? He asked me all this... What does he care if I'm not interested?"
	"Were you mean to her?"
	"No," Justin replied with a huff, vexed. "I was nice. I answered her questions. But when she wanted to sign my cast? I said no. JC hasn't even finished yet. Why would I want her to write something? I don't know her."
	"That's okay. So you didn't want her to sign it. Fine. Or to go out with you?"	
	"No. She asked if we could ever have dinner or something so I just said I didn't know, that we were always busy... Then she left."
	Chris shrugged. "I guess."
	"You guess what?"
	"I guess you're not interested."
	"Right," Justin agreed. "I'm not."
	"Maybe we should hook her  up with Lance."
	Justin laughed. "Why?"
	"C'mon. One of us needs to hook up with someone from the opening act. It only seems right." 
********
	"So?" Joey asked, down the other hallway still speaking with JC.	
	"Don't force him into some girl," JC replied. "Like you shouldn't pressure him."
	"Why not?" Joey was persistent. Justin was the little brother he'd never had. He wanted to help him out with the dating and girls and crap. It would be fun. "Is Justin still in a hating girls stage?"	
	"No."
	"No?"
	"Well, I don't think so."
	"What, then he isn't for that team? Am I pushing the wrong way?"
	JC's eyes shot up. "Look, Joey, he's sixteen, why are you―"
	"Right," Joey interrupted. He punched JC in the arm and laughed. "Right."
	JC rolled his eyes, but he said nothing for a moment. 
	"Well, I'm sorry for playing matchmaker," Joey began. "But sometimes, I just think he might have too much of us, and might just need some other people around. All of us do." 
	"Too much of us?" JC echoed. 
	"Right. I mean... I don't know, JC. He's not even our age. Maybe we're pushing him into a category, and he should just get a chance to see things. And I thought... Like he's with us twenty-four seven. Never with kids."
	"What do you mean?" JC eyed Joey carefully. "I know. Is this going back to Beki? You mean he doesn't date and should?"
	"Well, maybe," Joey agreed. "Or at least... Like, socialize."
	"He socializes."
	"With us and with the press. If you think about it." 
	JC made a face. What could he do?
	"When we go back to Orlando, and we all want to catch up with people, and it's like we're leaving him home? Because, like he says, he's got no friends."
	"He has friends. He just has a hard time keeping in touch." 
	"But what I'm saying is... Maybe by being with the four of us for such long hours on end... It's like he's being corrupted."
	"Corrupted?"
	"Corrupted." Joey nodded. "Maybe we're corrupting him. Maybe he's going to grow up weird."
	"You're suddenly concerned about whether Justin's going to grow up okay?"
	"I don't know."
	"All because he got asked out on a date and said no?"
	"Don't you find that a little weird...?" Joey began, frowning a little. "I mean, honestly? That he wouldn't even be a little interested? She's really pretty."
	"Maybe he didn't like her personality."
	"Maybe he's too used to being with us. Maybe he's shy."
	"Joey." JC laughed. "He's not shy."
	"He is with strangers."
	"Well... Because he's in the position to be cautious... Because we're getting famous. Famous people can't always meet everyone, Joey. Because most people that are 'normal' that we meet are fans and he doesn't trust them yet." 
	"He hates fans."
	"No, he doesn't," JC objected. "He just... He's scared they'll hurt him. And sometimes I don't blame him at all, Joe."
	"I know. I know." Joey rubbed a hand over his head. "Okay, never mind."
	"Never mind?" JC raised an eyebrow.
	"I'm not getting my point across, and I'm not too clear on what my point is supposed to be now anyway..." Joey shrugged. "I just thought they would be cute."
	"Look... Justin's..." JC began slowly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Justin's special... You can't just expect him to latch on and act like a normal teenager would... He wouldn't know the first thing about that... So if he's a little... not stunted... but like... shying away from…? Yeah, shy away from teenager stuff... It's like.. That's normal. For him. Because he's so caught up in other things."
	"I think you're keeping him in a bubble, JC."
	JC looked incredulous. "After all he's doing through this group, I doubt you could say that he's been living in a bubble, Joe." 
	"What's he know, JC? He knows us. He knows our habits and our defects and our personalities. He knows to smile at the camera. He knows not to wake you up too early and that Chris will yell at him when he's cranky and that Lance will never find anything better than Mississippi, and... What's he know about the world?"
	"Joey... Well, what is there to know?"
	"I don't know. I don't know what I would tell him. But there's more to just us and the group and the inside of planes and hotel rooms. More than just smiling at fake audiences."
	"You're starting to sound like me, Joey..." JC gave him a nervous smile. "So Justin's a bit jaded..."	
	"He's jaded in a way, and then totally naive in another," Joey persisted. "There's no balance. When I look at him I just immediately think of myself at that age and how it's... nothing like him. I mean, for instance with Beki―"
	"So what is this then, his sex life is unjaded?"
	"No..." Joey rolled his eyes. 
	"Justin's just not looking for you, the Italian Stallion, to start giving him sex talks and dating tips, Joey."
	"Oh? Then why'd he want me to take him to a porno shop after he knew Lance and I went?"
	JC smiled. "Joey. He's a teenager."
	"True."
********
	Eventually Joey gave up his matchmaking. They had to practice more and he decided maybe Justin wasn't any of his business. Justin was a cute kid but if he didn't feel like he wanted to that kind of advice, then he wouldn't give it. Joey wouldn't take the complete big brother role.  He'd leave out the advice that no one apparently wanted, and just stick to the other stuff. 
	But he couldn't help bringing it up to Chris later when they went out for drinks. Justin, Lance, and JC were back at the hotel. Lance had been talking to his mother, and Justin had just taken more pain killers and had settled down for a nap. He'd been pretty good with the arm, barely complaining when it hurt because he knew what had to get done and what he couldn't get out of. When he had the chance to rest, however, he was all over it. 
	So now, during their slight break before they went back to the venue for the actual concert that night, Joey decided to bring it up to Chris.  
	"How is it," Joey asked, as he wrapped his hand around the thick glass of German beer, "that a kid who can ham it up on stage, and show off every part of him as he jokes with the audience, and―"
	"Justin?"
	"Yes."	
	"I thought that's who you were going to talk about." Chris took a long sip of his own cold beer. "Why's everybody talk about him?" 
	"I don't know. But how is it that a kid like that, has like, no people skills?"
	"This the date thing again?"
	"Kind of."
	"See, I'm a mind reader."
	Joey rolled his eyes.
	"Who cares, Joe," Chris replied. "He told me he just wasn't interested. Doesn't care. So I don't care."
	"So how is that a kid that can thrust his hips on stage like he was made to fuck the world can't even go out on a date with a girl?"
	Chris laughed. "My God, Joey. He's a kid."
	"So? He's sixteen. That's old enough. You know, I'd have killed to be in his position when I was his age. He's the one that every girl's screaming their love to, and he can't even look at a girl?"
	"We really don't have time."
	"We're having a drink right now. They could be having- Okay, so he's not old enough to- Well, maybe in Germany he is.... Wait, how old is she anyway?""
	"Who knows. Didn't JC tell you to stop with this?"
	"I'm not matchmaking anymore. I'm just confused."
	"Not all of us are players like you, man." 	
	"I'm not a player"
	"I wouldn't worry about him. He's just not interested in her. She does seem sweet though. That would've been cute. But probably too much drama for the start of a tour." 
	"He shouldn't be so shy. It wouldn't kill him to open up to someone outside the group. Like, I would have sworn he was shy when I heard them talking. To every question, he was just like, yeah... And looking at his cast and not her."
	"Well, his arms fucking killing him, Joe."
	"I know."
	"And besides, you know he doesn't open up to anyone. He's JC's boy." 
	Joey nodded. Chris always called him that. He always referred to him to JC as 'your boy'. And no one had ever objected. Because it was true. But Joey was starting to think maybe he needed to branch out...
	He told Chris that.
	"Branch out?" Chris echoed skeptically. "To what? Like you?"
	"No..."	
	"Me?"
	"You'd kill him."
	"Hey, he's supposed to be my best friend," Chris answered sarcastically, remembering how horrified Justin had been when Johnny had long ago given them that talk. About images and how there was too much lingering JC/Justin from MMC. That he needed to show his relationship with the others. Show Chris as a best friend.
	"You don't say that very nicely..." Joey replied slowly.
	Chris looked up. "Oh, no. I don't mean it like that. He is a best friend. I mean, God, Joe. I love him like crazy, I do. I don't know what I'd do without that curly headed asshole, but, it's like... If there was really a choice? He wouldn't pick me to spill his guts to."
	Joey nodded and laughed a little. Chris and Justin made great playmates. They fed off of each other's energy, running around like mad when they could, play-fighting and wrestling with each other, giving each other a release. But then at times it was like two kids who had been together for two long, and they would get into awful arguments until separated by their parents, also known as one of the guys.
	Chris could be bitter. He said things very honestly. Justin wasn't always ready for that honesty, but for some reason he always went back to Chris for more of it. But Chris never hurt him on purpose. Chris would rather play with him than anything else. But he always had been honest. He wasn't going to lie about how he felt or thought.
	"What did you mean by branching out, then?" Chris asked.
	Joey drained his beer to a half a glass. It was good. "I don't know... Like I know you always criticize him because he's getting everything so good at such a young age, but maybe it's not all good. You ever wonder what he's going to be like when he hits eighteen? Nineteen? If we're still doing this?"
	"First of all," Chris started, "of course we'll still be doing this. Don't you ever say if to me when we discuss our future. It's ours. And second... He's... I don't know. What will any of us be? Hopefully rich."
	"Not money-wise. Personality. He's going to be..." 
	"A bigger brat? Because we'll have millions and he'll have all the toys he wants from cars to TVs and beyond?"
	Joey laughed but nodded. "Even with that, Chris. Honestly. Something like that. He acts differently because of his environment. I don't know many other sixteen year olds that do or say things that he does." 
	"He's half girl. He really is. I told him he reminded me of this PMSing girl I knew in high school."
	Joey laughed out loud. "Oh God..."
	"Finish up your beer, man. I think we need to be heading back soon. I hope they're up. We really need to get there on time. I told JC to make sure Justin was up."
*******
	JC had not woken up Justin. 
	In fact, he hadn't even woken up himself.
	Coming through the hotel door they saw the two fast asleep on the couch with the TV on but ignored in front of them. That was when Joey made it clear in his own mind what his quest would be. He'd done his work with Lance in the far back beginning of the group, easing his way into all the transitions and helping to bring his personality out. Lance was a lot more confident now, even more than Justin at times. Joey had been very successful with befriending him. So now, Joey decided he was going to move on to Justin. Lance would still be his favorite but he could get Justin to branch out too.
	"Wake up, you lazy bums..." Chris was saying, moving over to the couch. He pulled Justin's hair and punched JC in the shoulder. "You should both be up."
	JC stretched his arms out above his head, eyes barely open, as he dutifully started to wake up. He yawned loudly, asking, "You guys back already...?"
	Justin just curled up smaller in his corner of the couch, saying nothing. Chris rolled his eyes at that. Did he think they would just not see him there or something? Chris started to mess with him, moving to pin him down with his weight.
	"Chris, his arm." JC hit Chris in the back as he got up from the couch himself, eyeing them warily. 
	"Oh, his arm," Chris returned skeptically as he unmercifully pressed Justin to the couch and began to tickle him. "It's a tiny bone in his thumb, not his arm. Justin, get up." 
	Justin couldn't answer; he was too busy trying not to squeal as he squirmed in frustration. Chris wasn't very big, but he was like dead weight when he wanted to be. And he was stronger than he looked.
	"Stop!" Justin managed, and Chris did, now satisfied that Justin was awake.
	"Where's Lance?" Joey asked.
	"He was talking to Diane; he's probably in the other room," JC replied, referring to the parents' room. He looked at his watch. "Wow. I didn't realize what time it was. We do need to get going."
	"That's what I've been trying to say..." Chris answered as he got up off of Justin and let him up. 
	"Justin, you need anything?" JC asked. "Before we go?"
	Justin looked tired. "Like what?"
	"Like the bathroom. Or painkillers. Or food. Or all of the above."
	Justin looked thoughtful, reflecting on what he wanted. Then he announced, "Yeah, I'm thirsty. I want a cherry coke."
	JC rolled his eyes and started to look for his sneakers. "That's nice, Justin."
	"Was I supposed to just pick from those three?" 
	"Yes." 
	"I thought that counted as food," Justin replied. "Beverage, food..." 
	"Nope."
	"Why not?"
	"Well, because we haven't got any cherry coke and we also don't have time."	
	Joey listened to their banter thoughtfully, trying to think of ideas for his plan. He really felt like he should do it. Justin did need to branch out. Even his mode for conversation; he was so used to this certain type of chatter with them. Justin liked to experiment with what he could get away with. Even JC had told him in exasperation that if he acted the same way to anyone outside the group, he'd get his ass kicked. But Joey didn't see that as a problem. Justin never would talk to anyone outside the group. Least not in detail or as himself. That was what he kind of wanted to change.
	Justin was now asking for hotdogs and JC looked like he wanted to go back to bed. Chris had decided to go get Lance.
	"I want a hotdog," Justin insisted. "Why'd you ask me if I wanted food if we don't even have any food? Isn't frankfurter a German word?"
	"Yes, Justin."
	"And we're in Germany." 
	"Yep."
	"So can't I have a hotdog?"
	"Justin..." Joey laughed. "Man, come on." 
	JC sat down to get his sneaker on. He couldn't believe they had a concert that night. Falling asleep had really knocked the energy out him, and he wished more than anything he could just curl up into bed. Naps were really not always the way to go, he decided. He let out a deep sigh. 
	"Justin, you're getting him mad," Joey warned.
	"JC doesn't get mad." Justin stood up from the couch. "He's tired." 
	"Everyone gets mad," Joey answered. 
	Justin watched JC tie his shoes for a minute and then sat back down, mumbling something about Frankfurt and frankfurters and hotdogs, oblivious.
	JC looked at him. "Justin." 
	Sometimes JC's voice alone did it. Justin gave him a complacent look and a sigh. "Yes?"
	"You can't have a hotdog," JC began. "I don't know where we'd get one. You can't have cherry coke, because again, don't know where we'd get it. Yes, frankfurter is German." 
	"Whatever." Justin laughed. "I need to go to the bathroom."
	"It's not funny."
	JC got up again and started looking around the room. "I don't know where my other sneaker is. This is stupid. We're such pigs." There were clothes all over. 
	"Hey, JC?" Justin's eyes followed him as he stood up again. "I need―"
	"Ask Joey," JC told him, digging under Chris's suitcase. "I need to find this." 
	"JC..." Justin repeated his name, more seriously. His hand went to his pants and he tried to undo the button himself. "Can you just do this quick?" 
	"I bet you can do it." 
	"I'm trying." Justin persisted in frustration. 
	 "What if you really have to go and you can't find me?"
	"That would be a horrible accident." Justin smirked. He made a face.
	"Here," Joey offered, moving towards him. 
	"Wait..." Justin kept at it and awkwardly was able to get the button himself. He smiled like it was a big achievement. Joey just laughed at him. Justin smirked a bit as he disappeared into the bathroom. 
	"Where the hell is my sneaker?" JC sighed. He sat back down and gave Joey a look. "I have such a headache..." He rubbed his eyes. "Right here. Behind my eyes. So bad..."
	"From Justin?"
	JC laughed deeply. "No. Not from him. I don't know from what. I hope I'm not getting sick. Although you know, Justin giving me a headache is not far from reality anyway." 
	Joey smirked. "Yeah."
	"How am I supposed to find him a hotdog and cherry coke when we have to leave for the venue in like ten minutes?" JC asked rhetorically. 
	Justin came out of the bathroom then, and gave JC a dirty look. He started to mimic, "How am I supposed to find him a hotdog and―"
	"How am I?" JC replied, leaning back into the couch. 
	"Well, you asked if I wanted anything."
	"Yeah, and then you searched the depths of your mind for something to ask for that you knew we couldn't find."
	"I want a pony." Justin made a face as he plopped back down next to JC on the couch. "But for real... If we're searching the depths of my mind here... What do I want..."
	"I have headache, Justin," JC said again, running a hand through his hair. "Please be nice to me."
	Justin looked sympathetic. "You can have some of my painkillers..."
	JC gave him a smile. "That's okay but thank you."
	"They're not very good anyway."
	Before JC could reply, Chris returned with Lance and looked them over. "We ready to go?"
********
	The next day they got two rooms in Hamburg. They were shocked after so many shared rooms and cramped quarters. When this time they got two different sets of keys, they thought, finally, more of the space and respect that they deserved. Chris thought it was about time. He knew they weren't remarkably famous, weren't making the big bucks or whatever, but he definitely thought that the continued cramming of five guys into one cheap hotel room was getting a little old.
	To Joey, this was an amazing advantage for him to start his little mission. The first part of his mission, of course, was to try to separate Justin from his safety blanket JC. And what a better opportunity than this. 
	"Why?" Lance had asked, rolling his eyes when Joey explained himself to his confidante. "Are you that bored?"
	"A little bit," Joey admitted. 
	"It's pointless."
	Joey shrugged. "Probably." 
	JC's headache from the earlier day had developed into a slight head cold, and so JC was a bit irritable and overtired. Most of the afternoon he'd been drinking tea and sucking on throat lozenges, trying not to speak at all to reserve his voice for performing. In other words, he hadn't been the most pleasant to be around, so Joey thought he'd have no problem suggesting to Justin that he and Lance take the other room with him.
	"No," Justin protested immediately, looking cranky himself. "Why?"
	"Why not?"
	"I want to be with JC," he replied. At least he was honest. Joey wanted to ask in response whether Justin could ever be without his MMC buddy. It seemed like Justin held JC's hand in every situation, and it was getting a little old. That was his mission. Branch Justin out. Let him grow without the confines of the box he was living in. But suddenly it seemed harder.
	He'd just thought, well sure, how easy. We'll just put them in different rooms, talk to Justin without everyone around, learn something about him, get him to open up.
	He hadn't realized, stupidly, that you could just put Justin anywhere.
	"JC's not feeling well," Joey told him, trying to sound nice.
	Justin pressed his lips together and looked like he was going to remain stubborn. "Yeah, I know. Why do we have to have two rooms?" 
	Chris felt ridiculous. It was late, and here they were standing in the hallway with the keys, the two rooms across from each other, indecisive as to where they would sleep. "Two rooms?" he echoed. "Because for God's sake, Justin, if we could afford it, then we'd all have our own rooms."
	"I don't need my own room," Justin protested. "I want to be with ya'll." 
	"You're a fucking idiot." 
	Justin had no understanding of privacy. Of course he'd want to stay with them all. On the road, he felt everything was a group effort. Even if they got in each other's way now and then and ranted about one another, there was almost this separation anxiety if they were to be apart. That's why when they went home he felt so bizarre when they went their separate ways. Yet he also knew Chris was right. Five in one room was cramped. But he couldn't see who to split up.
	"It'll be nice to have more space," Lance began. "A couple of us will even have our own beds. It's about time." 
	"I don't really need my own bed," Justin objected. 
	"Well, then something's the matter with you," Chris muttered.
	"Justin," JC began, speaking up for the first time. "You can go in their room. Chris and me will stay in this one. I don't feel good and I don't want you to get sick either."
	Justin eyed him.
	JC made a good point. He had been concerned about that, spreading whatever cold he had. Because germs were easily spread and the fatigue that came with being sick like that could really hinder them. And Justin, already being rundown with his arm and exhaustion, would probably easily pick up the cold the way he shared everything else with JC. He also shared most of the solos so it wouldn't be good at all if the two leads were sick either.
	Justin looked as though the whole two rooms thing was really going to get to him. Like it was choosing sides or teams rather than simply more space. All of them being together every night was something he'd come to rely on. No matter what city they were in, he'd always have the four of them with him. Were they picking favorites now?
	"Alright," he agreed reluctantly, simply because he was obviously the only one with his perspective. "I just wanted us to be together..." he said, with slightly less conviction this time.
	"We are all together," Chris assured. "Just across the hall. Don't be a baby, please."
	"It's fine. I'll sleep wherever," Justin mumbled. His painkillers were starting to wear off and he wondered how many more he could take. He almost felt like they weren't have the same effect they originally had. 
	Moving into their separate rooms with their stuff, Justin tried to think of how he was stuck with Lance and Joey. Lance and Joey always cliqued together and he didn't want to be the third one in their room if it meant he'd be the odd one out. They talked about stuff they'd done and places that they'd seen, and a lot of it Justin hadn't done with them. The two of them were a lot more adventurous that the rest of the group sometimes. They'd bonded right away. 
	Lance was nearer his age but he seemed a lot older recently. Justin thought he handled things really well and he was sarcastic in a cool way sometimes too, and sometimes Justin wished Lance would complain a little bit more so that he himself wouldn't look like he was whining all the time. Lance was quick with comebacks and always got the others' jokes, when sometimes Justin just pretended to get them. Now that Lance had graduated, especially, Justin felt that much more immature around him. When he was homesick, Lance disappeared. Called his mom. Blended in somewhere. Justin wore it on his sleeve. 
	And Joey. Joey was big and sometimes loud and always wanting to go out and party or do something. And Justin knew he could go with him if he really wanted to and if Joey was in a good mood. Joey was considerate like that. Joey was always friendly and trying to get people to smile, and that was nice, but Joey also preferred hanging out with Lance. Similarly, Justin wanted to be with JC. 
	Even if JC was with Chris and he would have to endure a night of Chris teasing and trying to get to him or make him uncomfortable, Justin would still choose it. He didn't know why. He was comfortable with it. He was comfortable with JC. He knew JC. 
	But not only was he was too tired to put up a good  fight, but he knew how incredibly stupid it was. And Chris had been giving him those eyes. The eyes that reminded him that he was ten years younger than he was and he was being stupid and it would be so much easier if he just did what they told him to do.
	Joey wasn't aware that Justin came with so much baggage. He knew that he was a complicated kid, always trying to prove himself, switching from moods of wanting be overly independent and showing how much he knew, to then wanting to have an arm around him or a hug or for them to tell him what to do. It was always hard to tell exactly what he wanted.  
	But Joey did know that Justin really did not want to be in this room with Lance and him. The room was just as crappy as the other rooms that they'd had, even comparing to the smaller ones. It did have two beds, and when Lance went to shower, that was the first thing Joey asked.
	"Justin?" 
	Justin sat down on the floor in front of the TV, reaching to hit the channel button to skim through the channels. "What."
	"You want to sleep with me or by yourself?"
	Justin didn't answer for a moment, he studied something on the TV, and then he said, "I want my own bed."	
	Joey thought that was kind of ironic due to the fact that outside in the hall he made it clear that having his own bed didn't matter. But he nodded and said, "Okay, I'll share with Lance."
	"So we have money now or something?"
	"What do you mean?" Joey sat at the edge of one of the beds and stared at the back of Justin's curly head. 
	"Why do we have two rooms?"
	"Well, I guess... We're doing good with the concerts and stuff and they decided we could afford two rooms."	
	"Why don't we save our money and have one? Do we have that much, you think?" 
	"Because sometimes people need space."
	"We don't need space," Justin objected. He stretched out his legs on the ground. "I was watching VH1 once, and you know that, like, all the bands that got space? Like different buses and different rooms and all... None of them lasted."
	"The bands didn't last?"
	"Nope." Justin pulled off his sneakers with his good hand. "Because they said that them wanting space meant they were breaking apart. Breaking up."
	Joey laughed at him. "Justin, that's stupid. You can obviously tell that's not true for us. We don't all have our own buses and stuff. We should have had at least two rooms to begin with, for five of us. You can't listen to VH1s speculations." 	
	Justin didn't answer and so Joey got up and yawned, moving to sit and the head of the bed. He wondered how this was going to be. He really didn't know how to approach things or what to talk about. He had this yearning to ask him about Beki again but thought that would be a bad idea. 
	"And that's not true, you know," Joey persisted. "A lot of bands, really popular ones, all the members have their own bus." 
	"I guess." Justin got up off the floor and walked over to the door. Joey watched him carefully, but all he did was look out the peephole into the hallway. 
	"I can see their door," Justin said. 
	"Can you?" Joey replied, looking at the TV. Justin hadn't left anything interesting on.
	"Yeah..." Justin turned around and leaned against the door. His left hand snaked out and took the knob. "I'm just going to go see how their room is. I'll be back in a minute."
	"Justin..." Joey frowned.  "Come on, man" 
	"Remember, you can't tell me what to do," Justin insisted. Yet a moment later he'd added "Okay?"
	"Yeah, I can." 
	"No." Justin shook his head. "Only my mom and dad can. Or Chris and JC." 
	"Why are Chris and JC so special?"
	"Because. They know what they're talking about."
	"And I don't?"
	Justin shrugged. "I don't know." 
	"And no one else but those four can tell you what to do?"
	"Well... It's more than four. My parents are four and JC and Chris and... Well, Johnny tells me what to do too..."
	Joey was really not interested in hearing about who Justin saw as authority and who he did not. He really just wanted him to sit down. "Why don't you just rest, Justin? It's late. I'm sure their room is exactly the same as ours." 
	"Yeah, but I need to go over there at some point because JC has my painkillers..." Justin leaned more against the door. "And I shouldn't have to ask you anyway."
	"What if they're asleep?"
	"They're not. We just got in here a minute ago." Justin paused. "You know, what do you like better? I like sleeping on the bus. I like the engines." 
	"Yeah, it's not bad on the bus. It's kind of monotonous so it does put you to sleep. Does he really have your pills?"
	"Yeah, he does. And my arm hurts. I didn't take any since dinner."
	"If you're lying about it... then you're a good liar."
	Justin's brow furrowed. He heard the water to the shower stop. "That was a really short shower..." 
	"Justin, just come sit down. You're annoying."
	He turned the knob just slightly. "You can't really stop me, can you?"
	Joey gave him a look. "You're in here because JC doesn't want you getting sick. If he really has your pills, go get 'em, but come on."
	"I slept with him last night when he wasn't feeling well," Justin pointed out, turning the knob all the way. He stepped forward to pull it open behind him a bit, but he'd forgotten about the chain lock. It kept it from becoming more than slightly ajar. 
	"Can't you have a change for one night?" Joey asked.
	"I have a feeling it's not for just a night," Justin replied. "And I don't understand really why." 
	"Is there no controller?" Joey glanced at the TV again and sighed. He looked back at Justin. "Can you please close the door?"
	"Don't be bossy," Justin replied, shutting the door anyway by leaning against it again. But then he turned and undid the chain lock. "And I don't know where a controller is." 
	"I'm not being bossy..." Joey wondered how his whole quest thing was gong to pan out. He didn't even know how to approach it. Hell, he didn't even know how to get Justin to sit down.
	Justin was yawning now. 
	"Justin, why don't you just leave the door alone? Talk. Chill. Rest. Sit."
	Justin didn't want to sit just yet. "What do you want to talk about?"	
	"I don't know... How about you? Have you talked to any of your friends from home recently?" 
	"Like who?"
	"Like..." What's his face. Joey tried to think. "Trace?" He couldn't remember his last name and didn't want to bother Justin by attempting to flub it. 
	"Yeah. Trace is in school," Justin said. "I talked to him last week. He had a math test on Friday. But it's, like, expensive to call him and stuff. Even from Orlando. It's long distance." 
	"He like Tennessee still?"
	"Sure he does." Justin itched at the edge of his cast where it bothered his arm. He watched Joey carefully, wondering what he wanted to know. Sure he'd talk about Trace and home but why did Joey want to know about him? Justin figured he was probably just trying to make conversation, to keep him here when he wanted to go to the other room. 
	Joey continued. "What grade's he in?"
	"He's a sophomore." 
	"Does he play any sports?"
	"He was playing JV basketball, but he's short. So he doesn't play much." He paused. "Hey, I'm kind of thirsty. Are you? There's a soda machine at the end of the hallway."
	"You don't need soda at one o'clock in the morning..."
	"Since when is that your decision, what I need?" 
	Joey sighed. He wished Justin would just get away from the door and sit down. He wondered if JC really had his pills, because in that case he should go over sooner rather than later. But Justin never listened to a word he said. 
	He realized Justin was right, he listened only to JC and Chris. JC had earned respect just out of knowing him so long, and Chris scared Justin enough that he listened. On the other hand, Joey and Justin's relationship consisted of kind of what his and Steve's did. It was simply brotherly. It was a mixture of playing, and bullying, and getting along, but it wasn't very deep. Joey wanted to try to change that, penetrate his mind, get him to diverge a little. 
	He tried to change the subject away from soda and away from leaving. "So Trace likes his school?"
	Justin shrugged. "Well, I guess." 
	Maybe this was a bad thing do. Joey remembered JC once mentioning how he regretted the way Trace would talk about school and friends and sports and things that Justin couldn't be involved in. But there would always be that, and Justin could brag back.
	"Do you tell him about all the awesome stuff we all do over here?" Joey asked.
	"Yeah. He doesn't believe a lot of it though," Justin replied. "Like that we've got fans or a tour or whatever. Because they never hear anything over there."
	Joey nodded. "Yeah."
	"I wanted him to come with me," Justin began slowly. "Like how Steve came for you? And my mom comes and Lance's mom comes? You know, I thought that'd be cool."
	Joey nodded again, considering it. That would be kind of interesting. Trace was at least a friend Justin's age, and he really did need a little more of that. "I think he definitely should."
	"Really?" Justin looked surprised. "I never knew if you guys would be into that or not."
	"Letting you have a friend with you? Why not?"
	Justin shrugged. "We have so little room and time as it is..."
	"We have more room now if we keep getting two rooms. And if he just doesn't mind having to follow our crazy schedule..."
	"Yeah." Justin nodded. "It is crazy. But then he'd believe me." 
	Joey looked at him, how he still looked ready to bolt out the door, and searched in his mind for some idea of what JC would say to get him to sit down. JC just had this amazing way of dealing with  people in general. JC was good-natured enough, but serious enough and he sacrificed a lot to be able to be the one with the common sense that everyone listened to. 
	Justin of course had this infatuation/idolization mind set of JC. He always wanted to be with him, always wanted to talk to him. Justin didn't just listen to him; he sought out what JC had to say.
	Joey wished he had some sort of that sense now. Because it was really late, and Joey hadn't realized it would be so hard to take Justin under his wing. Justin wouldn't listen to him. He was constantly fidgeting, constantly wanting something that made sense usually in his own mind, and constantly trying to make sure the attention was on him. So how could Joey deal with that the right way? 
	"Are you planning on going to bed?" Joey asked.
	"After I say good night to Chris and JC and get my pills..." Justin replied. 
	Joey gave him a look. Justin was just standing there with his hand on the knob. Joey considered the fact that maybe Justin would listen to him in a way. Because if he blatantly wasn't going to listen, he would have already left. Instead he was actually seeming to look for some sort of sign that he was allowed to go.
	Lance emerged from the bathroom then, rubbing at his wet blonde hair. He took a look at Joey and Justin and frowned. "You going somewhere, Justin?"
	"You know what we were just talking about?" Joey began, ignoring Lance's question. "You know Justin's friend Trace? Wouldn't it be cool for him to come on tour with us?"
	Lance nodded, considering it. "Sure, I guess. But doesn't he have school and stuff?"
	"I'm sure he could take a week or something to see the sights in Germany, don't you think?"
	Lance nodded again. He looked at Justin to see his expression; it was his friend after all and he wasn't saying much. Justin looked like he was ready to go somewhere. "Where are you going?"
	"To say good night to JC and Chris," Justin replied. 
	"Why?" Lance replied. "Didn't you say good night to them in the hall before? By the way... where am I sleeping?"
	"With me," Joey replied. "And, Justin, really... You're only going to get Chris and JC upset, man... It's really late."
	"Yeah..." Justin sighed. "I know. But I need the pills." 
	Joey frowned. Justin had a certain face and he was really attuned to what expressions were really difficult for people to say no to. Joey was pretty certain it was that face that kept them from slaughtering him most of the time. Justin knew people; he knew the guys. He knew exactly how to go about getting what he wanted. 
	"I don't see what the big deal is," Lance answered.
	Justin sighed again. "The pills are."
	"Oh..." 
	"Listen," Joey began, giving him a look. "Go over. If they're up, fine. But if they're asleep, let them sleep."
	"I wouldn't wake them up," Justin replied. 
	Lance watched him leave and then looked at Joey. "He's really annoying."
	Joey shrugged. "He needs the pills. I don't blame him there." 
******
	JC and Chris had made an effort to go right to bed, simply turning on the TV and trying to pass out as soon as they got into the room. Chris was the one to answer the door. He was irritated, wondering who the hell would be knocking, but he'd managed to flip on a light and make his way over to the door. He was then not at all surprised to see Justin through the peephole.
	However, he was annoyed. He let that known as he opened the door. "What the hell, Justin?"
	"Hey, Chris." Justin was trying to look innocent. It wasn't working. 
	"What do you need?"
	Chris was standing in the doorway and that bothered Justin. He slid in around him into the room. "You guys have my pills, and I never said good night." 
	"And so you waited until you knew we were asleep to come knocking?"
	Justin studied Chris. "You weren't sleeping." The TV was on, they couldn't have been.
	Chris sighed and shut the door behind him. 
	Justin walked over to JC's bed, where JC was sprawled out on his back, head propped up by a pillow. He'd been watching TV. His eyes were open and he looked at Justin quizzically. 
	"How do you feel?" Justin asked, climbing into bed with him.
	"Justin, please..." JC objected. "You should be in your own bed. I'm gonna get you sick."
	"Oh, no you won't..." Justin replied with a sigh. "You don't sound very sick, JC. Are you feeling okay?"
	"I'm fine. I just need sleep." JC was sitting up in bed, frowning. "Justin, what do you need?" 
	"You have my pills," Justin said. "Remember?"
	JC cursed under his breath and then moved to sit at the edge of the bed. "You're right..." he said as he got up and walked towards his bag. Justin followed him, watching out of the corner of his eye as Chris got back into his own bed. 
	"Here." 
	Justin turned and saw JC was holding the pill bottle out to him. He took it and then said, "Can I stay here?" 
	JC shook his head. "Listen... Go back over there. We're all settled."
	"What do you mean?"
	"J...  You put up a fight about sleeping in two different rooms," JC began in a soft voice, "and then when you agree it's okay, you can't stay over there?"
	"I wanted to see how you were feeling."
	"I'm fine, Justin. Just under the weather a bit. A head cold, that's all. You know that."
	Justin chewed on his lip, studying JC. "Why are you looking at me like you're so annoyed?"
	"Well, I'm tired. More than tired-- exhausted. I know you needed your pills, and that's fine, but I can't stay up and talk, not tonight." JC persisted. 
	"No. I have my own bed," Justin replied. It wasn't a clear answer though. 
	"Yeah, and it's about time we have two rooms," JC replied. "We can stretch out." His voice was congested. He cleared his throat. "Go back over there and get to bed, alright?"
	"But just one thing..." Justin began. "Quickly. Just tell me, am I the only one that feels this way? That's it's weird they suddenly pay for two rooms?" 
	"Justin..."
	"It doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me," Justin insisted. 
	Chris rolled over in bed, burying his head under a pillow. "For Christ's sake, Justin..." he muttered. "Let JC sleep."
	Justin turned his head. "Shut up, Chris. He can sleep in a minute."
	"It's not weird that we have two rooms. Apparently we can afford it." JC shook his head a little. "And the minute is up. I'm going to go to sleep, J." he persisted. 
	"I know. I want to go to bed too, but I'm not understanding why I can't sleep here. I mean it doesn't matter to me except how you're kicking me out."
	"And I don't understand why you can't sleep in there."
	Justin looked hurt. "JC, why are you making me leave? What'd I do?"
	"Don't even." JC shook his head. "Don't do that act on me." 
	Justin looked frustrated but didn't respond.
	JC gave him a hard look. "Now tell me good night and go back to your own room. I don't want to fight with you over nothing. You're the only one that doesn't think that spreading out is the best thing that's happened to us." 
	Justin shrugged. "I guess." 
	JC shook his head. "Just tell me good night and leave.  Look at the clock and tell me what time it is." 
	Justin looked hesitant.
	JC gave him a look. "Do it." 
	Justin glanced at the clock. "One forty."
	JC nodded. "And?"
	Justin was exasperated. "I didn't wake you up though. It's not my fault that you're up now."
	"I just want to go to sleep right now. We have a concert in Hamburg tomorrow. And we're recording tomorrow. You know that."
	"I do."
	JC walked away from him and got back into his bed. "Okay good. Enough, J. I don't feel well. I'm going to feel worse in the morning." He pulled the blankets over himself. "Leave. Good night." 
	Justin watched JC and frowned. Then he started towards the door with a sigh, gripping the pill bottle in his hand. "Good night, JC." 
	JC didn't answer. He rolled onto his stomach and pulled the blankets up higher over himself.
	Justin didn't bother saying good night to Chris. He didn't think he'd get an answer. This was definitely not a very welcoming room. Justin felt a little regretful he'd come over. But he needed the pills, and it was better to get them now than wake up later needing them and not have them. Yet he didn't know why they couldn't understand him. Maybe because of the time of day.	
	He didn't want to press anymore buttons and so he headed back to the other room without another word.
	When Justin got back to his own room he didn't have a key and so he had to knock again to get in. He felt a mixture of irritation and agitation then. He wasn't sure whether he felt more like sulking or like punching a wall. He didn't think anyone could understand. He wasn't he sure he did either. He should be ecstatic about this space, just like they were, but instead he felt separated. 
	When Joey opened the door, he smiled. "I so thought you were going to 'accidentally' fall asleep in there. But welcome back."
	"Whatever." Justin walked past him. 
	Joey was a little perplexed. "Were they awake?"
	"Yeah." 
	Joey watched Justin walk over towards the bathroom. There he grabbed a cup of water and filled it silently. He put it down the sink for a moment to open the pill bottle and take out a couple painkillers. He threw them back with water and then came back inside with a frown.  
	Joey gave Justin a weird look as he shut the door and went to go back to his own bed. "What happened, Curly?"
	"Nothing, I'm just exhausted and really need another pill," Justin replied sullenly. "Everyone's exhausted."
	"Oh." 
	Lance turned over in bed, yawning. He felt like just going to sleep. As much as he found it amusing how Justin attracted so much drama himself every single day, he was just tired.
	"Joey..." Lance murmured. "Are you going to sleep?"
	"Sure, bud," Joey answered, watching Justin climb under his own covers. "Sleep sounds like a great idea. 
	"Can we keep the TV on for a little bit?" Justin asked.
	"Yeah, I guess," Joey answered. "Lance, does it bug you?"
	"No," Lance mumbled. "Just turn off the light." 
******
	"He's weird," Chris said after he turned off the TV.
	"Definitely debatable." JC shifted under the covers.
	"Well, I'm glad you held your ground," Chris persisted, voice low and tired. "I didn't want him in here. He talks all night. I'm really glad that it's just two of us in here."
	"Yeah, me too. But I feel kind of bad." 
	"He would talk all night if he was in here."
	"Like you're talking right now?" JC answered. 
	"Yeah..." Chris admitted with a laugh. 
	JC just smirked. But still then felt a little guilty. A nostalgic pang hit JC him, like it did from time to time. He remembered a cute kid, a kid that kind of reminded him of a mouse, who was scrawny and with such hair and a typical stage-mom mother, who wore clothes a little too big and tried to fit into every crowd. He'd noticed him the first day when those new kids came in. And he remembered when they first started talking, and how Justin would tell him anything even then, and look at him with these big adoring eyes that wanted to be accepted, and he would ask 'can I hang out with you today?' nearly every day. JC tried never to say no, but sometimes he had to. He had his other friends. He had Tony and Dale and kids that could drive and go out late and didn't really want a twelve year old with them. But Justin was clingy, despite picky with who he accepted around him, and JC eventually thought it was a privilege that Justin had latched to him. He'd decided to let the kid hang on him, and he'd show him the ropes a little bit and see what would happen. It felt good to have someone looking up to him.
	JC thought about what had happened, where they were, and he sighed. They'd come so far. Their friendship rarely faltered. And he didn't know why he was reflecting on the past, except for that it was just something he did when he was stressed or overtired.
	His head hurt and he swore his throat felt a little achy. That made him irritated because a sore throat was something he could not afford. And it was ridiculous to be up at this time of night 
******
	Joey couldn't handle Justin. He didn't know the first thing about it. 
	Being a good older brother to Justin encompassed a lot. In a way you had to know the balance between being cool guy and the remembering you were older and wiser. But Joey didn't know anything about being wiser. He knew how to deal with his little cousins to make them listen, but Justin wasn't a baby like them. He was a lot more cunning.  
	But it was three-thirty in the morning and Justin was still up. When he'd first come back from the other room and had said nothing, Joey understood. He was distracted by something and that was fine. Watching some TV was fine. The painpills would probably kick in and maybe after just a few minutes of TV, he would go to bed.
	But it was three-thirty now. 
	It was getting a little late. 
	And Justin wasn't asleep either. Joey had gotten up to go to the bathroom once so that he could glance at Justin's eyes, just a few minutes ago. And they were open and glossy and locked on the screen five feet in front of where he was sitting on the ground.
	Lance had fallen asleep about an hour ago. 
	Joey almost had but then he'd hear the TV and wonder if he was supposed to make Justin go to bed. Was that his job? He was older than him, right? And so wouldn't it be wise to remind Justin that they had work to do the next day.
	"Justin," Joey said. He'd said Justin's name about once every fifteen minutes of the past hour. And each time he got a similar response.
	"I'm watching TV."
	"Time for bed, man. Really."
	"I'm watching TV."
	"It's keeping me up."
	"Is not," Justin replied. "Whenever Chris kept the TV on you still went to bed." 
	"He only did that a few times."
	"So I'm only doing it for the first time."
	Joey sat up in bed and Justin looked behind him at Joey when he heard the mattress creak. Only briefly though; his eyes returned to the screen.
	"I'm coming over there if you don't turn it off," Joey said. That's what his dad had always said. In different variations. Like the famous, don't make me come back there, when a parent was distracted by rowdy kids in the car. It had always worked with Joey and his siblings.
	Justin just took a deep breath then and said, "Okay. Fine. Come over."
	Joey didn't know what Justin meant by that. He could just be pressing his luck. Or he could be not taking Joey seriously, not believing he could make him do anything. Or maybe his parents, not one of the four, had ever used that threat on him. Joey didn't know which. 
	Justin looked at him again only briefly when Joey walked over, barefoot, bare chested, and barely keeping patience. Justin just sat there in bed with the blankets pooled around him, looking unphased.
	"I can't go to bed yet," Justin said.
	At the same time, Joey reached the TV and turned it off. 
	Luckily, there was enough light from the bathroom light that had been left on that they weren't left in the dark.
	"Turn it back on," Justin told him.
	Joey shook his head. "It's too late." 
	Despite the fact Joey hadn't moved from his stance next to the TV, Justin reached over, picked up the controller laying on the nightstand, and turned it back on.
	Again, Joey turned it off.
	"Come on..." Justin turned it back on.
	Joey turned it off.
	"I have every right," Justin turned it back on, "to watch TV. Don't I?"
	Joey turned it off. "I can do this all night." That was a lie. Maybe he should tell Justin that after a few more times and he was going to explode.
	Justin put it on again.
	Joey simply walked over and unplugged the TV from the wall. 
	Justin looked frustrated then. "Why are you being so difficult?" he asked.
	Joey laughed, a little bitterly. "Are you really asking me that? Or are you asking yourself?"
	"You."
	"I'm not being difficult, Justin... It's just that it's almost four and you're keeping me awake. And I can't help thinking about that schedule we have to keep."
	Justin looked sad. "I just can't sleep."
	"Didn't you just take some of those pills before? I thought they knocked you out."
	Justin looked sad. "They didn't. And I don't want to take anymore."
	"Well, can you just lay in bed and maybe get bored enough that you fall asleep? I mean.... Kid, we have to get up in about four hours."
	"I know. I'm going to hate myself in the morning."
	"You wanna talk or something?"
	"No..." Justin sighed. "I'll try to sleep."
	"Is there something to talk about?"
	"No," Justin replied. "My mind is just weird, Joey... It doesn't want to shut down yet."
	"Yeah." That was an interesting way to put it, but Joey had some of those nights too.
	"I'll keep it off now though." Justin looked at him. "I'll try." 
	"Thank you."
	Justin sighed and watched Joey go back to bed. He slid down in his own bed and pulled his blankets up close to his chin, forcing his eyes closed. 
********
	Justin was a zombie in the morning and when he ate breakfast, they all noticed. They were all tired. They got up at nine, which was even relatively late, but they'd all stayed up too late the night before. They had an interview at ten-thirty and then they had to go to see about recording their part of a group charity song before they headed over to the arena for the concert.
	Justin had undoubtedly slept the least. He didn't want to act like it, because he knew he would get them annoyed, but he really had  not slept at all. And under some circumstances this would be something to brag about, kids were always bragging about all-nighters at his age, but he thought better not to mention that fact. When Joey got the wake up call, he struggled to get himself and Lance up, and then it took him forever to wake up Justin. He was frustrated, especially when he found the TV plugged in and the controller in sleeping Justin's hand. At least it was off, but it showed that it had come back on.
	"Ten more minutes," Joey had told him, after shaking him and poking him wouldn't get him up. "I'm hopping in the shower and when I come out, you're going in next."
	"Mmm," Justin groaned with a frown on his face, trying to bury himself deeper into the blankets.
	"Fucking idiot," was all Joey responded. Then he'd wandered into the bathroom to shower.
	But Justin hadn't felt tired the night before. He had been distracted and just not tired at all, thinking about his hand, and the cast, and the tour, and JC being sick, and the two rooms and whether they had money. 
	But his fatigue was settling on him, even after a really cold shower, and getting soap in his eyes, and slipping on the wet tile into the bathroom onto his ass. He'd had a real surge of fear when that happened, thinking he'd land on his broken hand and really hurt it, but luckily he'd landed on his ass. That had hurt anyway but it was better than rebreaking something.
	It still hadn't woken him up though. Now he just felt a little sore and his eyes were itchy from the soap and his hair was still wet and curling in a weird way while it dried and the bowl of cereal that he'd just been handed to eat did not look like a type he liked. 
	JC was feeling sick. He was moping around because his voice was hoarse, and he wouldn't listen when Lance started to talk about how people always felt worse and way more mucus-y and hoarse when they first woke up. JC didn't want to hear it. He hunched his shoulders, slouched over a hot cup of lemon tea and pretended that his left nostril wasn't clogged. 
	Justin looked at him and felt like he could sympathize. He also felt tired and achy and cranky. He felt like staying up so late last night had been a mistake, but he also thought it wasn't his fault if he hadn't been able to fall asleep. The TV had been better than his own thoughts while it lasted. 
	He couldn't make himself eat breakfast yet and so he set the bowl he'd been given down on the table and slouched in his chair. He knew what he looked like. He knew damn well. And he knew no one liked to see the dark circles under his eyes or the sulking way he dragged himself, but he didn't care.
	Chris cared. When Chris was walking to take a chair at the breakfast table he saw him and immediately took him by the chin, squeezing his jaw in his grip, and tilted his head back to get a better look at him.
	"You didn't sleep." Chris's voice was accusing but knowing. It was pretty obvious. "When did you go to bed?"
	He would have gotten about six hours of sleep if he'd gone to bed when he'd left their room. That was far from the amount someone his age needed anyway, so he didn't feel anymore gypped by zero. Or at least he told himself that. 
	But he didn't tell Chris zero. After all he did sleep a little bit. Just not a lot. Closer to zero than six. So he didn't say anything. Chris would definitely not be happy with his answer. And he couldn't talk much with the grip Chris had on his jaw anyway, so he just managed a whining sound like a distressed animal before he pulled away. 
	JC got up then, walking over to get a sweatshirt and pull it over his head. 
	Chris let Justin go and patted his cheek gently. "I hope you got at least some sleep, man. It's a long day."
	"Some?" Joey scoffed, "Yeah right."
	"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris replied, sitting down.
	Justin felt a hand in his hair then, and he immediately knew it was JC. JC brushed his hair back gently, before going to sit back down. A good morning gesture. An I didn't sleep well either gesture. Justin felt slightly better after it. He ran a hand through his own hair, making it stick up in directions even funnier than it was already drying in. He glowered. It was one of those mornings. 
	"I mean," Joey was continuing, "that if anything, he got like five minutes."
	"Who got five minutes of what?" JC asked, having no idea. He reached for a fork and a glass of juice.
	"Justin," Joey replied, "probably got five minutes of sleep. That's all. What with the TV and all on all night."
	"That's not true." Justin didn't think that was fair of Joey. He had found an interesting movie on after Joey fell asleep. He'd watched the whole thing without understanding a word. It had good scenery. 
	"You didn't go to bed?" Lance looked at him incredulously. He had gone to bed. He hadn't even heard the TV. He'd just woken up in the morning same as usual.
	"Justin," JC started, but he had that tone Justin hated, and he could barely stand to even look at him.
	"Fuck you all," Justin replied. "Believe what you want." 
	"Did you sleep?" Chris asked.
	Justin brought a spoon down into his cereal, mashing it. "Sure." 
	"Did you?" Chris persisted. "We have things to do today. Are you going to sleep through them?"
	Justin said nothing in reply but, "Can I have milk?"
	Lance handed him a carton of milk.
	Justin poured the milk into his disgusting cereal. He mushed it some more.
	"I want to talk to you," Chris said when he got no reply. "On the bus."
	Justin felt a little panicked then, but he said nothing. He stirred his cereal a little bit, dreading having to talk to Chris. Chris wouldn't forget. Chris wouldn't be easy to avoid. Not on a bus. 
	He wanted to push his cereal away and lay his head down on the table. But he wouldn't give them that satisfaction. They couldn't say 'I told you so' about anything. Or that it was his own fault. Not if he didn't do that.
	He ate slowly.
********
	Justin tried to make his way towards where Lance and Joey were going when they got on the bus, but Chris noticed and steered him towards the back. Justin wondered how much time they had for Chris to holler at him. They were headed towards an interview.
	"What do you care if I sleep or not?" Justin began, falling into a seat tiredly on the couch before Chris could say anything to him. He hit his arm by accident a bit and a little jolt of pain spread from his thumb up to his elbow. He winced. 
	"True, what do I care?" Chris agreed.
	Justin watched Chris walk towards the other end of the couch to sit. That was good. Distance was good. "You shouldn't care."
	"I do though," Chris began.
	Justin took a breath. "But if I don't mess up at all―"
	"Justin―"
	"Joey already told me off this morning, Chris. I don't need it again."
	"I'm not here to yell at you," Chris cut him off. "I feel bad for you actually. You're going to be tired and you have barely any room for sleep today. But I'm not going to yell at you. Your body's going to be yelling at you enough."
	"Then why do you want to talk to me?" Justin insisted.
	"What went through your mind last night? What's the matter?"
	"I just couldn't sleep, Chris. I wasn't tired."
	"Listen, I know all the tactics of bullshitting and you're not getting out of this. Something's bothering you. What's going on?"
	"Nothing."
	"You can do better than that. I'm not mad at you, remember?"
	Justin eyed him. Chris just stared back. "How come..." Justin took a deep breath. Chris wasn't mad? Chris wanted to know? He wanted to ramble but didn't know where to start. "I don't know, I'm just tired."
	"Is it the road?"
	Justin shook his head.
	"You sure?"
	"Yes."
	"If it is, it's okay. I know it's hard living out of a suitcase." 
	"No. I mean.... Maybe. But... I don't understand why... Well, I don't know why it bothered me either, but it just felt weird with the two rooms and I didn't know why JC purposely wanted me somewhere else and not with him."
	Chris nodded blankly. "Okay." 
	"And I don't know what I did. But maybe it's a whole lot of things. But I don't know what I did to him specifically. And also, if we're making money for two rooms then why didn't they say anything and why aren't we seeing any of it? And then I also couldn't sleep with my arm. It hurts. It hurts a lot and the pills don't always fix that or make me tired." 
	"I know," Chris sympathized. 
	Maybe Chris did know. So Justin continued. "And you all seemed mad last night, and I didn't know why. You were up already. It was late, but I didn't wake you up. If I'd have woken ya'll up I would've left. But ya'll were up."
	"JC was tired... He's sick..."
	"I was tired..." Justin clenched the hem of his shirt in his hand. "I was tired too. But I was thinking."
	"But, Justin..." Chris began. "Honestly, kid... Those aren't things to lose sleep over."
	"Can you help it when you can't sleep?"
	"You have to tell yourself those things don't matter."
	"How do you lie to yourself?"
	"It's not a lie. Those things really don't matter. And were you really up thinking about if we're making money now?"
	"Part of the time," Justin admitted.
	"Fine, well, then I guess you can't help what you think about. But honestly, man. That's the road. You need to sleep. If you don't it keeps other people up too, and that affects the whole group dynamic."
	"Whatever..." Justin sulked. "Go ahead and lecture and I'll pretend to listen..." He stared at the carpet.
	"So you don't sleep, and then you're moody all day. You know that, right? That that's how it always ends up?" Chris began. "Please don't do that today, Justin. We have way too much to do." 
	Justin rubbed at his eyes with his fingers. "I want to go back to yesterday and go to sleep."
	Chris laughed. "Yeah. I wish we could." 
	Justin looked up, irritated that he was being laughed at. "That's not funny. I'm not trying to be funny."
	"Well, sometimes you're just funny, Justin." He smirked. 
	"Whatever... I'm not laughing. At all. And JC can be an asshole when he's sick."
	"That's not true. He hasn't done anything to you."
	"He'll barely talk to me. He wouldn't talk last night. He―"
	"So you're going to be mad at him now too?" Chris asked.
	Justin nodded. "Maybe."
	Chris gestured Justin to sit closer. "Come here."
	Justin slid over on the couch and sat closer. 
	"When you're in a group..." Chris began, sliding an arm around his shoulder. "You can't just decide to be mad at―"
	"I'm not just deciding. I can't help it. My brain already made up my mind."
	Chris nodded. "Okay. But listen. In a group you can't do that, understand? Remember what Johnny says? Then people outside the group notice that there's something wrong. We're off. We can't be off. They'll notice you're tired, they'll notice you're pissed off and―"	
	"Then I'll pretend. On stage I'll pretend."
	"Justin, we all know you can't do that." That was a lie. Justin pretended like a master.
	"Why not?" Justin demanded. "Of course I can."
	"Whatever..." Chris rolled his eyes. "You just better sleep tonight, man. If you get sick like JC then we're screwed. We can't have the two of you both sick. I'll fucking kill you then."
	"I'm not going to get sick."
	"Well, good. But you need to start being more responsible. Sleep. Let everyone else sleep."
	"I am responsible."
	"I know."
	"You say that like you're just saying that so I'll shut up."
	Chris smirked. "You know, you're smarter than you look." 
	"I was only up because I wanted to talk," Justin persisted. "If you can't sleep, then you can't sleep. It's not like you can just shut off your mind when you want to. And nobody would talk to me."
	"That's not true."
	"Yes, it is. You guys clearly didn't want me in your room."
	"Dude. JC is sick. His throat is killing him. That's why he wanted to get to sleep. So he wouldn't sound like shit today, but he does anyway." Chris shook his head. "Joey would talk to you. I know that for a fact. He'll talk to anybody. I vent to that poor guy all the time. Did you even give him a chance?"
	"Last night? He wanted to sleep too."
	"I'm sure he asked if you wanted to talk..." Chris replied. 
	Justin made a face. 
	"Did he?" Chris persisted.
	Justin didn't reply.
 	"It's your own choice if you only talk to JC, you know," Chris answered. "It was your own choice to sit up and watch TV all night long. And that's the truth."
	Justin felt himself grow unsteady. Everything Chris said made him feel incredibly stupid and young. "Why do you always blame me?"
	Chris gave him a look and sighed. "Justin... Don't say that."
	Justin shook his head stubbornly, feeling the weight of the conversation. He was starting to get choked up. He was tired. Not just the not sleeping tired, but tired of Chris always treating him like a kid, and always turning every conversation around to make him feel stupid. Always pointing out these obvious other paths he could have taken like anyone with common sense would have figured it out. But not him. "It's true. It's always true. You always blame me."
	"I do not... I don't blame you..." Chris reached over to squeeze Justin's knee. "There's not even blame here. We're just discussing―"
	"Don't touch me." Justin pushed his hand away and got up, moving to sit at the other end of the couch again. A few tears slipped down his cheeks and he said brokenly, "No one can touch me." 
	"Justin, come on, buddy. What is this?"
	"You don't understand," Justin answered, trying not to be loud. He sniffled despite his attempts not to. "You always blame me. Or you always turn it around so that I feel stupid. You do it all the time. You don't get it."
	"I'm sorry," Chris forced out. "I didn't mean it." 
	"Yes, you do..." 
	Chris watched Justin's eyes glisten with tears. He had promised himself not to make Justin cry before the interview. And he hadn't even yelled or told Justin how staying up all night was the stupidest thing he could have done. Being a friend seemed like a better idea. But Justin suddenly didn't seem to want a friend. 
	"Justin, why are you upset?" Chris began. 
	"I'm not..."
	"Are you just tired?"
	Justin nodded, and then his chin quivered a bit. He sniffled again and couple more tears slipped from his eyes. 
	"You know we're going to an interview." Chris got up and walked towards Justin. "And they like to take your picture and ask you questions." He pulled his sleeve over his hand and started to use it to wipe Justin's cheeks, a little roughly. "All you do is get upset the second I have any conversation with you that isn't just about games."
	"Why don't you like me?" Justin whimpered.
	"Because you're not being a team player."
	Justin had an image of a dream he'd had. A dream where he was asked to be a team player. Take what balls came flying his way, literally and figuratively. The dream took place in a bathroom. He pictured Gary's face. He started to sniffle again. 
	Chris hated tears. He didn't understand why Justin had to cry. It was such a girl thing to do. It reminded Chris of his little sisters and he just got frustrated. The others were better at this. Chris couldn't do any of that.
	Justin squirmed away from Chris's sleeve covered hand and felt trapped. He was on a bus, a moving bus, headed towards this interview where more people were going to peer at him and ask questions and prod. And he couldn't be alone because five people were on this bus and they shared a room all the time and he was in Germany and couldn't even go home. But he didn't want to be alone anyway. All he wanted was for somebody to understand why he was so frustrated.
	"You want a drink?" Chris asked him. "You want some water, or... or something?"
	"Cherry coke," Justin answered, drawing his legs up on the couch beneath him. 
	"What? How about water? I can get you a water. I think."
	"I'm fine, Chris," Justin replied.
	"I know. But let me grab you a water anyway."
	Chris's expression was exasperated as he made his way to the front of the bus. The other three were there and they gave him a quizzical look. They'd known Chris had meant to talk to Justin, whatever that meant, and so they'd stayed clear, keeping to the front. But now Chris was back with this look on his face.
	"That goddamn kid..." Chris began, leaning down to open to the tiny refrigerator that was on the bus, "...is the most complicated sixteen year old kid I have ever met. In my whole life."
	"What's the matter?" Lance asked.
	"Who knows?" Chris replied dryly, fishing out a cold bottle of water. "It's like... he's determined to live out the life of a soap opera, or something."
	"Over what?"
	"Who knows," Chris repeated.
	"He's tired," JC said quietly.
	"No shit he's tired," Chris began. He opened the water, taking a sip of it himself, before putting the cap back on. "Lance, you know today's schedule?" Lance always knew.
	"Interview, recording―"
	"I mean, times? Is there an hour or two where he can crash? Where JC can crash?" He scrutinized the other Mouseketeer. "JC, how you feeling? You look like shit."
	"I don't know..." JC shrugged. He rubbed at his throat. "I don't know what I have. I don't know if it's swollen, or..."
	Joey reached over and put his hand gently around JC's neck, looking thoughtful.
	"Are you a Goddamn nurse now?" Chris asked him.
	"I don't know," Joey replied, feeling his own neck for comparison. "I think his neck's swollen."
	"Fantastic," Chris answered. "Lance, you know times?"
	Lance shrugged, making a face. "I really don't know..."
	Chris was tired too. He wanted to crash. He'd spent an hour or so the night before talking to JC about nothing. 
	"You think you need a doctor?" Joey asked JC.
	"I don't know," JC said again. "I would love some... Tylenol... Or something."
	"Next stop," Chris replied. "Maybe we'll find a pharmacy or something. Maybe they'll have sedatives too."
	"Sedatives?" Lance asked.
	"For Justin," Chris answered. "So he'll stop dramatizing everything."
	"Stop..." JC objected. "Come on.... Is the water for him? Go give it to him."
	Chris studied him, biting back a comment. "Fine." 
	Chris made his way to the back of the bus, deciding to be the good guy. But he found Justin asleep, stretched out on the couch, breathing deeply. So he just turned around and headed back inside to the other guys.
	Joey was talking when he reached them, saying, "―and I just thought, maybe he could come and..."
	"Who could come?" Chris asked, taking a seat next to Lance.
	"Trace," Joey said. He glanced at JC. "That's his name, right?"
	JC nodded dumbly. He looked pale and tired.  
	"Who the fuck is Trace?" Chris replied. He searched his scattered memory, distracted, looking for someone by that name.
	"Justin's friend. The Tennessee friend that he has," Joey replied. "Remember? We met him." 
	"Oh. That Trace." Chris nodded. "What about him?"
	"Joey thinks that Justin maybe would feel better if he had someone his age on tour with him," JC said softly.
	"Well, I just thought..." Joey began with a frown, "...that obviously our schedule is hard for all of us... And Justin's like... He's tired and stuff and I've been thinking about how he feels out of place sometimes, not being really sixteen and all. And so I thought maybe he needs a kind of break from us. Because we obviously get to him. And the way he's so... uh, attached to the nonsensical schedule? So..."
	"Yeah?" Chris asked. 
	"Well..." Joey continued. "I thought if Trace came it could be like... Two normal kids, you know? And it would be fun. We could take them out too."
	"Where would you take them?" Lance asked. 
	Joey shrugged. "Where normal teenagers want to go."
	"In Germany," Chris reminded. He thought it was a nice idea on Joey's part, but wondered why Justin should receive special treatment. Not that he shouldn't, but it was like they all felt the same way... They were all missing out on something else by doing this... They were all tired and overworked and trying their hardest.... They'd all had pain and felt down and sad. Homesickness was not reserved for just the baby. 
	But Chris didn't say it. Justin vocalized in himself what they all felt, he couldn't fault him on that.
	"Would Trace be able to come?" Lance asked.
	"I bet Lynn would like the idea," Joey said. "She could help plan it with Trace's parents or whatever. Because, like, she's always saying how Justin should have friends his age and not bitter old wrinkled friends like Chris."
	Chris knew Joey was trying to be funny, so even though he wasn't in the mood, he gave him a smirk. "Funny." 
	"She does say that," JC acknowledged. "Not in those exact words, but she does tell him that..." He looked at Chris. "You give him the water?"
	"No," Chris replied. "He was out like a light." He sighed, thinking about it. "Joey, why'd he stay up? What's the matter with you? Can't you make a sixteen year old go to bed?"
	"It's a lot harder than you think..." Joey replied. "Trust me... I tried."
********
	Justin woke up for their ten-thirty interview at ten-eighteen. Lance just woke him up by shaking his shoulder, and handing him the water bottle and two painkillers. 
	Not saying anything, just sitting up, Justin took the pills and the water. He took them tiredly, appreciative of the slight sleep he'd gotten, but he felt rushed when he heard the time, so he drank from the water bottle and tried to wake himself up.
	Lance sat down next to him. "Feeling better?"
	"I'm fine," Justin replied groggily. "JC's the sick one."
	"Yeah, well..." 
	"Are we almost there?" 
	Lance nodded. Then after a moment of silence between them, Joey called them from the front of the bus. Lance got up and Justin sighed, taking another sip of the water before getting up as well.
	He followed the guys blindly. 
	It was his own fault, he reminded himself.
	No.
	It was their fault. 
	Somebody else's fault. Definitely.
	They left the haven of their bus and walked towards the building that the interview would take place inside. Once within, they got into the elevators that were going to take them to the eighth floor for the magazine they were getting interviewed by. 
	The elevator was small. Just big enough for maybe seven people if those seven squeezed. There were five of them and it was still just a little bit tight. Justin walked in last and had to stand in front of JC. He faced the front of the elevator, just like everyone else. That was an unspoken elevator law, face forward.
	He could feel JC breathing behind him, warm air. When the elevator dinged and they started up to the first floor slowly, Justin felt a hand on his shoulder. He for a minute thought to tell JC not to breathe on him, not to get him sick, but soon realized he'd rather have the comforting hand on his shoulder than make a joke. It relaxed him a bit.
	He was still exhausted, but he knew he couldn't express that. Not after Chris's words earlier. He could prove he could man up and be professional. After all, JC was sick and he wouldn't complain about it. 
	Finally they reached the eighth floor, and the smiles kicked in. The glossy smiles that they met everyone with when they were introducing themselves. Justin stifled a yawn and pretended he had a full night of sleep behind him.
	Chris was cracking jokes immediately with the assistant that met them. She laughed nervously at first; often people didn't know how to take Chris's dry sense of humor, especially when English wasn't their first language. But soon her laugh was genuine and she started to describe the planned structure of the interview.
*******
	They didn't take any pictures. Not yet at least. And JC was thankful because none of them looked very good.  To make up for that, they would have to just think before they spoke, give good answers, and try to smile wide enough that the bags under their eyes were ignore. He couldn't help but worry though. Hell, it was the beginning of the tour and they looked like this. Wouldn't things only get worse?
	He felt like crap. His nose was running and he was running out of tissues. He was pretty sure he looked miserable, although he tried to hide it. He didn't want to be too quiet, but at the same time his throat was dry and aching and he really didn't want to croak out responses.
	He wondered to himself if they planned to take pictures originally and then took one look at them and changed their mind. 
	He thought about things as they waited for the interviewer to come back. They were sitting at a table and he was between Chris and Lance. Justin and Joey were on the other side. They were all quiet so he began to think. He looked around at his friends. Lance's eyes were closed, and he wondered if he would actually fall asleep. Chris looked the most alert, but it was almost a nervous alertness, like someone on watch. Joey and Justin both looked tired, but they were talking about something. He wondered if Justin's arm was hurting him. 
	The interviewer, a young woman with a great body but an unfortunate face, finally returned, sitting down and placing her tape recorder in front of her once more.
	"Okay, guys. We can try to finish this up. Just a few more questions." 
******
	On the bus later, eating fast food on their way to meet Alex Breitung, the producer for a charity single they were going to help sing leads on called "Children Need a Helping Hand", they had an hour or so before that to kill before they had to be presentable.
	Lance watched them all chow down on the fries, and soda, and hamburgers and thought to himself that it couldn't really be a very balanced meal.
	"We're gross," he said, looking at each of them. Joey beside him on the couch, JC on his other side, Chris and Justin on the floor. 
	"Huh?" Joey asked. Then he accidentally dropped a fry covered in ketchup on the floor. "Fuck." 
	"Here." Justin picked it up, smirking as he turned to offer it back to Joey, who was sitting behind him on the couch. It left a slight residue of ketchup on the carpet. 
	"I don't want it back," Joey answered. He eyed the fry in Justin's hand with a grimace. It now had lint and hair stuck to it. 
	Justin looked at it too and felt repulsed. He flung it at Chris. 
	Chris stared at the dirty, ketchup covered fry that was now stuck to his otherwise clean gray sweatshirt. He tried to tell himself to be the bigger man and ignore it and just throw the fry away, but he couldn't. He waited for Justin to put the soda in his hand down and then reacted.
	"Hey!" Justin objected as Chris pounced on him, catching him off guard and easily slamming him down onto the carpet.
	"You think that's funny?" Chris asked him, using his weight to keep Justin pinned as he with one hand peeled the fry off his own clothes. "Huh? Throwing that at me?"
	"Get up!" Justin squirmed. 
	"You wish." 
	"Why are we gross?" Joey asked Lance, warily watching Justin and Chris struggle on the floor. 
	Lance shrugged, also distracted by the struggling two on the floor in front of them. "Look at us. What we're eating. How lazy we are. We all look like crap." 
	"Yeah." 
	Justin let out a yell as Chris tried to shove the unwanted fry into his mouth. Then, thinking better as he turned his head away, he shut his mouth, tightly pressing his lips together and trying to elbow Chris off of him.
	Joey leaned down and picked up Justin's soda as the kid came dangerously close to knocking it over with a futile attempt to throw Chris off of him. They struggled for another moment, but then with one unintentional shove, Chris caught Justin's bad arm in between them and Justin hissed in actual pain, crying out in surprise. 
	"Ow..." Justin whimpered. 
	Chris sat back immediately, letting him go, but with one more quick move left the fry pushed into Justin's curls. "Oh, quit your crying," he said as he shifted back to his food, more apologetic than serious. 
	Justin batted the fry out of his hair awkwardly and said nothing. He had ketchup smeared across his face. 
	"That's gross," he said, eyeing the again discarded fry.
	"Yeah, tell me about it." Chris rubbed at the ketchup stain on his shirt. "Did I hurt you?"
	"No," Justin admitted. He rubbed at the ketchup on his face. 
	"You're quiet," Joey said to JC. 
	"What?" JC sipped his coke through the straw with a frown.
	"You're quiet," Joey repeated. "You feeling okay?"
	"Okay I guess," JC agreed. "Not great." 
	"You take anything?"
	"Some Tylenol. But my head's killing me."
	"You want some of my pain pills?" Justin offered.
	"Unless it's also a decongestant, I'm not sure how much good it'd do me, pal, but thanks," JC answered glumly. "I'm already tired, so I don't need that." 
	"Just don't get us sick," Chris replied.
	"Trying not to." 
	"Everyone stay away from JC."
	JC laughed. "Feeling the love, feeling the love..." 
	"We're such winners today," Lance said, eating a few more fries and thinking about how at home his mother rarely let them have fast food. Now it was all they seemed to have time for.
	JC began to tell them his theory about how they wanted to take pictures at the interview until they actually saw them. 
	Joey laughed deeply. "You know, I did think that was really weird. Not one picture."
	"It was just a print article," Chris said.
	"Yeah, dude, but they always take pictures."
	"I told you," Lance insisted. "We're gross." 
	"Well, we're going to be gross for charity then," Joey replied. "We'll show 'em." 
	"At least we all showered," Chris replied. "We did all shower, right?" 
	"I'm gonna sleep," Justin spoke up then. 
	"Can I have that?" Joey asked, pointing to Justin's half eaten burger.
	"Yeah." Justin handed it to him with a yawn.
	"You sure you're done?"
	"Yeah." Justin got up, watching Joey take a huge bite out of his burger. "What time is it?"
	JC glanced at his watch. "You have about an hour."
	Justin nodded and left. 
	"I can't remember if I showered," JC said, thinking about Chris's question.
	"You did," Chris replied. "Right before me." 
	"Are you sure?"
	"One hundred percent. Because you left the bathroom all soaking wet."
	"Oh, yeah, you always do that," Joey said. "When you shower it's like there's a tsunami in the bathroom."
	"That's not true," JC objected.
	"It is," Chris said. "You usually blame it on Justin but he wasn't even in our room."
	JC shrugged. "Whatever... That shower curtain was pretty non-existent." 
	"I just hate when you walk in with socks on?" Lance began. "And you step into a puddle?"
	"Ohhh," Chris groaned in sympathy. "Exactly. Ex-fucking-zactly."
	"Wow, all this love..." JC said again. "It's really coming out today, guys."
	"Well, JC, we should all always be honest," Joey laughed. 
	"It's pretty sad I barely even remember this morning," JC sighed. 
********
	Justin rolled over his bunk for the eighth time in about as many minutes. The bunks were small and he didn't like the idea of being on the bottom bunk and having another one above him, even if no one was in it. But it was better than being in the top. He'd climbed into the top once, and he thought he'd fall out if he were to try and sleep there, and then there'd be the ceiling so close to his nose. He wondered what it sounded like when it was raining up there.
	This was his chance to sleep, he told himself. He was supposed to sing in about an hour; they were supposed to record. But he was so tired he couldn't sleep. He couldn't close his eyes. He couldn't stop moving and fixing the pillows and the blankets and it just wasn't working. He'd expected himself to fall asleep immediately, but it wasn't going as planned.
	He rolled onto his arm once, forgetting, and that hurt really badly. His thumb was plastered up so that it couldn't really bend, thank God, but the pressure still hurt. Especially since Chris had just knocked it before. That had really hurt.  
	He was thirsty, maybe, and that's why he couldn't sleep. However, he didn't want to move. He felt maybe if he was still, he would eventually fall asleep. 
	Another ten minutes later, he shook his head. Was it really possible to be too tired to sleep? He wasn't sure. Restlessness and exhaustion did not go well together. 
 	So he crawled out of the bunk, nearly tripping on his shoes that were sitting on the floor, and started towards the front of the bus where the refrigerator was.  
	As he pulled out a can of soda, he heard footsteps behind him and looked up to see Chris. "Hey," he greeted. 
	"Hi," Chris replied, dumping a crumpled McDonald's bag into the garbage. "Thought you wanted to sleep?" 
	"Thirsty."
	"Ah." Chris eyed the can of Pepsi in Justin's hand. "Justin, don't drink that..." 
	"Why?" 
	"Caffeine."
	"Oh. Yeah, I guess that wouldn't be smart."
	"Yeah, if you wanna sleep." Chris kept quiet about how it wasn't good to have caffeine before singing either. 
	"Well, what else is there...?" Justin asked, opening the fridge door and sliding it back in. 
	"Water," Chris answered. "We have to buy more stuff when we get a chance. Do you drink milk? Aren't kids supposed to have milk?"
	Justin took a water bottle and shut the door of the fridge. It was one of the ones with the pop top.  "I'm not a kid." 
	"Well, it's good for you anyway." Chris thought about Lance's comments with the fast food. The two of them were still growing and neither of them got very balanced diets. "We eat pretty crappy." 
	Justin shrugged and opened the water bottle, using his teeth to pull off the plastic and then to turn the top to open. 
	Chris winced, watching him with the imagery of him breaking his teeth on the cap. His mother used to always say that to him for opening everything-don't use your teeth. Watching Justin do it, he knew exactly what she'd meant. "Don't break your teeth," he said without thinking.
	Justin just rolled his eyes as he squirted water into his mouth. "I still can't sleep. It sucks."
	"I thought you were exhausted."
	"I am... Is it possible to be too tired?"
	"Maybe. It's also possible that those bunks are the farthest thing from comfortable."
	"I feel cramped in there, yeah," Justin agreed.
	"Try and go back to bed though," Chris said. "You have over an hour, okay? But that's it. Take what you can get."
	"Yeah." 
	"At least close your eyes." 
	Justin nodded.  "At least my eyes will be rested."
	Chris laughed. 
********
	When Justin was woke up it was because they had to go meet with Alex Breitung and record. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to realize that he'd actually been asleep. He'd gotten his good hour of rest. But then Chris woke him up and that was when he got all flabbergasted because he was all wet. All over.
	He found the empty water bottle in the blankets next to him and the blankets were wet too. 
	"Chris," he started, as Chris was about to leave.
	"What?" Chris turned. "Come on, dummy, get up. We're running late."  
	Justin felt tired and wet now. And stupid. He picked up the bottle and held it out to Chris. "I fell asleep and the cap was off and I'm all wet... It's all wet." 
	"Jesus Christ." Chris grabbed the bottle out of Justin's hands. He started to laugh, shaking his head. "You're a moron, you know that? But come on, you'll dry."
	"But..." Justin pushed himself out of the wet bunk and stood out on the floor next to Chris. Part of his shirt was wet and his jeans and the back of him too because he'd laid in the wet water. 
	Chris looked him over and felt his shirt and then his pants. "Jesus Christ," he said again. He cracked up laughing. "It's always something with you." 
	"I'm wet," Justin said.
	"No shit, kid. It looks like you pissed yourself." 
	"It's water," Justin stated the obvious as he followed Chris inside. 
	Lance looked up from the couch and frowned at the dark wet mark on Justin's jeans.
	"It's water," Justin repeated, throwing the empty water bottle at him.
	Lance held up his hand as the water bottle nearly hit him, and it fell to the floor, rolling on the carpet. "How did that happen?"
	"I'm stupid," Justin replied.
	"Well, we all knew that already."
	"Just a friendly reminder." 
	"Still, how did that happen?" Lance persisted. 
	Chris picked up the water bottle. "He didn't put the cap on it when he fell asleep."
	Lance laughed a little. "Wow... Well, are you going to change?"
	"I don't know." Justin frowned. Their bags were at the hotel, since they would be spending the night in the same city. "Do we even have anything on the bus?" 
	"You can just tell them you had an accident," Lance teased.
	Justin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's marketable." 
	"There's gotta be some clothes on the bus," Chris replied. 
	"I think he should just wear the wet clothes," Lance said. "It's funny."
	"Where's JC and Joey?" Justin asked.
	Chris pointed towards the front of the bus. "Well, water boy, decide what you're going to do because we'll be there in five minutes."
	Justin walked towards the front of the bus and found Joey and JC sitting there. Joey was tying his shoes. "Do you guys have any clothes?" he asked.
	JC looked up from a magazine and studied him. "What'd you do?"
	"Water," Justin said for what felt like the millionth time.
	"Did Chris do that to you?" Joey asked when he looked up.
	"No," Justin replied, and then realized he should have said yes. It sounded far less stupid if somebody else had done it to him. "But do you guys have any clothes?"
	"I think I have jeans," JC replied. 
	"Okay, hurry. Chris says we'll be there in five minutes."
	"Alright, alright." JC got up. "Come on." 
	Justin looked at JC with a frown and reluctantly followed him towards the bunks. "What jeans are they?"
	"What does it matter?" JC answered. 
	"I guess it doesn't...."  He watched JC pull open the curtain to their 'miscellaneous' bunk. It was the extra one that they just threw all their stuff into, backpacks, gifts from the stations, whatever. He pulled out a pair of jeans from under a basketball.
	"Here." 
	Justin took the jeans. "Are they clean?"
	"Yes." JC looked at him. "You okay with changing?"
	"Yeah." Justin rolled his eyes.
	"You can do the button?"
	"Yes, I can do it by myself. I've been doing it myself," Justin insisted, not trying to sound irritated, but he was getting sick of the cast getting in the way of everything. He could at least be as independent as possible.  
	JC didn't miss the frustrated look on Justin's face. "I'm only asking because we have five minutes."
	"Won't take five minutes." Justin rested the jeans over his shoulder and then reached down to the ones he was currently wearing. 
	"I believe you," JC said with a laugh as he watched Justin struggle with the button. "Listen, just hurry." 
	JC returned to where Joey was sitting, now talking to Chris. They looked up at him when he came back and Joey asked, "You find it?"
	"Yeah."
	"Then he's ready?" Chris asked. "We're parking."
	"We're there already?" JC asked. 
	"Yeah."
	"Well, he's just changing," JC replied. "He'll be quick."
	Chris made a face. "He can't make us late."
	"We're already a little late..." Joey looked at his watch.
	Lance joined them then, yawning, and was immediately asked by Chris whether Justin was ready. 	"Almost I guess," Lance replied, and then he laughed. "He looks like a fool."
	"If he's not ready in two minutes I'm going back there," Chris began, glancing out the window to see if they had stopped moving yet. "I don't care if he's naked, I'm going back there. Two minutes." 
	"He needs more than two minutes," Lance started, rolling his eyes. "I'm hungry again."
	"We ate an hour ago," Chris told him.
	"I know... But it wasn't... real food."
	"Well, maybe they'll have something there. We'll eat better tonight, man. I promise." 
	"Couldn't you have helped him quick?" Joey asked JC, referring to Justin again as he watched Chris get antsy.
	"He doesn't want help," JC persisted. 
	Chris let a couple more minutes pass before sighing and looking at his watch again. The bus was now parked and he heard the door open, a signal that they were ready to go. He took a deep breath and headed towards the bunks.
	He met a frustrated Justin there. When he walked in, Justin was sitting on the ground, looking fully dressed, trying to get a sneaker on. He looked up at the footsteps and saw Chris, he said pitifully, "I feel like a retard."
	"You look nearly ready." Chris was relieved.
	"Nearly," Justin agreed tentatively, struggling with laces. He was trying to use the fingers of his casted hand but also was nervous, trying not to jar his thumb. "This is so stupid." 
	"We're here, so, you know... If you can finish up."
	"I know... I know... I'm rushing." 
	"I know you are," Chris began. "And we're already a little late, but calm down..."
	"Can you just do it?" Justin asked, stretching his legs out with his untied shoes.
	Chris nodded and walked over to squat down and tie the sneakers. "You should have," he started as he fixed the shoe and pulled the laces, "just let JC help you."
	"I didn't need him to help," Justin protested. "I don't need help."
	"Okay. Well I'm helping you right now."
	"Only because time." 
	Chris glanced up when he finished one of the sneakers and saw Justin's chin pressed down against his chest as he looked down, struggling to one-handedly do his button. It looked like quite a challenge. Chris laughed at him. "Jesus."
	Justin looked up at him and narrowed his eyes. "It's hard."
	"I'm not saying it's not. Want me to--"
	"No." 
	Justin struggled with it as Chris quickly tied the other lace. 	"Come on, let's go," Chris persisted. 
	Justin tried again as Chris stood up, struggling. Every button was the same. People really took for granted having two hands. "Wait..."
	"You''ll get it. You did it before. Come on." 
	Justin got up off the floor and followed Chris inside. They would be late. He continued to try to do it, sighing with frustration as he saw the others already getting coats on and looking completely ready. Lance was talking to somebody at the front of the bus at the door. It looked like somebody from the studio. 
	"JC," Justin began. It took every fiber of his being to say his name, because all he wanted was to be self-sufficient. And this was the farthest thing from self-sufficient.
	"What." JC zipped up his own coat and looked at him. 
	"Do this quick?" Justin wasn't even sure where his coat was. He tried to keep his voice low, as Lance came back over and described what he'd just been told. Something about the amount of fans outside and how they were told to go straight in and get inside. 
	JC brushed off coat and walked over to help Justin.
	Chris nodded blankly at Lance's statement. Fans. Sure. There were other big names working on this charity song, sure there'd be fans around. So when he slid a dark sweatshirt on over his green shirt and they got ready to go out, his mind had already processed the warning yet not really believed it.
	The bus had parked them just about fifteen feet from the entrance. There was a gate there, luckily, and a large group of people was pressed against it. They began cheering as they got off the bus, screams of girls, kind of what it sounded like at their concerts. They got louder and more excited by the second. 	
	There were random screams of "I love you, JC" and "I love you, Joey" and the like which made them realize that these fans knew who they were and were there to actually see them. There were some signs with their names on them as well. 
	Justin felt happy when he saw them and walked in stride with Joey so that he could say, "Isn't that cool? They love us."
	"I wonder what they'd think if they knew you couldn't get your own fly down," Joey teased.
	Justin sent him a glare but didn't take it personally. Instead he started to say, "It's the goddamn button, man. And I can too do it. I bet you couldn't do it." 
	"Whatever."
	"You try to do it with one hand."
	"I bet I can. And you have to shower with a plastic bag. Wonder if that one would've made that sign if she knew that." He pointed to a sign that had Justin's name on it and a bunch of hearts.
	"Shut up." He hadn't bothered doing that that morning. Instead he'd showered and held his arm out of the stall. It got a tiny bit wet but barely so he didn't say anything. But with their lack of time, not knowing where a plastic bag even was, and not knowing who to ask for help, he hadn't bothered. 
	Joey just grinned at him. They were almost inside. 
*********
	Chris thought that the recording went well other than that the fact the song was corny as hell, but what else could be expecting from a charity single. Even JC's voice was surprisingly good, helped by the amount of tea he sucked down. It was cool to do it with other artists though, and it would definitely look good on their part to be involved. They were told there would be other events in relation to the charity and song later on in the year. They finished recording around the time they'd expected and were ready to leave. It felt good to be on time with something. 
	"Children need a helping hand..." Chris was humming under his breath as they left. "Children are so inno― What the fuck am I doing?" 
	"Chris, don't sing it," Lance begged. "I just got it out of my head."
	"Geez, it's one of the ones that just sticks in there, huh?" Chris shook his head. "I hope I don't start singing that tonight at the show."
	"Oh please..." JC began.
	And so they teased like that, about the song and their parts and about the others that were there.  It had been different than the recording for their own album, and almost a refreshing experience. They were distracted and it wasn't until they reached the end of the hall where they'd originally come in that they were met by security.
	"Sorry, guys. You can't go out this way," a man said, wearing a t-shirt and jeans. He looked big. He was taller than all of them and definitely weighed as much as at least two of them. "All buses had to go around the other side."
	"Why?" Chris asked.
	"Because of the fans that found out who was here," the man answered, looking tired and like he wished they would just follow his directions without questions. "The gate's been opening and closing all day and now we'd just prefer everyone left through the back so we can keep it secure for everyone."
	Justin thought that was pretty scary, mostly because of the way the guard described it. Like there was a gate to keep them away from something dangerous.  "Are they dangerous?"
	The security guard just stared down at him. "Just leave through the other side, okay?" 
	"Shut up," Joey told Justin, pushing him to walk.
	Justin barely realized that he'd asked the question aloud. They walked in the direction the guard told them. "What if they got on the bus?" 
	"Then we get her out," Chris answered. They had to go a completely opposite way to get out of the building now. The guy had told them to follow the signs for a south exit. Luckily their were signs. It seemed like they were just retracing their steps. 
	"What if she hides?" Justin persisted. He noticed JC walking just a few feet from him and he wanted so badly to take his arm and ask him. JC would answer him. He always answered every question. "What if she hides and we don't know she's there?"
	"It's not that big a bus," Lance answered. "You know?"
	"There's a lot of hiding spaces," Justin assured. "Like the closet."
	"I could barely fit my bag into that closet," Chris replied.
	"Girls can fit anywhere," Justin answered. "They're scary like that. There was this one time―"
	"Justin, shut up," JC told him.	
	"I'll check everywhere," Joey appeased.
	"What time is it?" Lance asked. 
	"We have an hour to get to the arena," JC answered. "Where is this exit?"
	"South," Chris said. "That's all I know." Then he groaned. "This stupid song... It's still in my head."
	"Don't," Lance objected. "Don't sing it."
	"Sing something else," Joey suggested.
	"Why do you have to badmouth the song while we're still in this building?" JC answered.
	"I like the song," Chris objected. "I didn't say I didn't." 
	Finally they found their south entrance. It was a lot quieter back there and they were on another street. The bus was waiting.
********
	Lynn was waiting there for the show that night and Justin was kind of happy to see her. It had been a hectic few days, and he'd lost track of exactly when she would be meeting them. Even now they were barely able to reunite, giving a quick hug and kiss before they had to change and get on stage for soundcheck. 
	"How do you feel?" Lynn asked later backstage, finding Justin after they'd done a quick run through a set. He was slouched in a chair, drinking a can of soda.
	"I'm good."
	"You look tired, honey... Look at your eyes..." Lynn frowned and pulled up a chair of her own to sit next to him.
	"I'm not." Justin didn't want to tell her about barely sleeping the night before. "I'm not tired."
	"You had a busy day, huh?"
	"Interview, studio, and show," he answered. "It's kind of busy." 
	"That's really busy, honey..."
	Justin nodded. "Yeah." He took another sip of his coke. 
	"Are you having fun?"
	He nodded again.
	"Well..." She crossed her arms over her stomach. "I was thinking of some things, Justin..."
	That made him a little nervous. Sometimes when she used that tone it meant something about him that she wanted to do or she wanted him to do that he wouldn't like. Like before they left again, when she approached him to talk about spending more family time together and taking a break from the guys. He was nervous it would be another thing like that, but then when she continued, he started to realize it wasn't.
	"I've always watched you do this," Lynn began. "And I watched the people you were with... And how you got to this point, you know? And I was thinking, wouldn't it be fun to get involved with that?"
	"With us?" 
	"No, not with you," she answered. Then she must have realized how that sounded and she quickly said, "Because I'm already involved with you, honey. By involved, I meant involved with the business."
	"The business?"
	"Yeah. I took out some books, Justin. And I was reading about it and it really is a lot of work, but it's also a lot of fun."
	"I don't think I get it..." What was it she wanted to do? "How are you going to get in the business?"
	"I was actually talking with Lou," she continued. "About some ideas I had. You guys are doing so well and you're really starting to get so successful and I was thinking of applying the same tactics to another group..."
	Justin couldn't believe this. He frowned, looking at her in surprised. "Another group? What are you talking about?"
	"Girls, Justin. A girl group. Wouldn't that be fun for me? I've been around enough of it with you that I know what it takes. I mean, since you were a baby you were involved in one form or another. And there's really no girl groups right now."
	"You make it sound like you can just do it," Justin objected. "Like it's super easy." 
	"I can try, Justin. I mean, look at you guys.
	"It wasn't exactly easy, Mom. Don't make it sound like it was easy. We're still not anywhere. Remember? And in the beginning you didn't even want to do it." 
	"You are somewhere. You have your own tour. With sold out shows. And I'm not saying it was easy, honey, I know it wasn't. I was there. I'm here now and I see. And look at how tired you are. It's work, I know that. But I think everyone deserves a shot, and I think I would really enjoy helping out a new group."
	"Girls?"
	"Yeah." Lynn smiled. "Lou thought it was a good idea. He was willing to help, direct, you know?"
	Justin wasn't sure why he felt betrayed. He told himself he shouldn't. His mother wanted a hobby, sure. What did she know except what she had done with him. Show business. "What about Dad?" He meant Paul.
	"I told him about the idea, and he told me it would probably be fun for me. He's busy with work a lot, you know. That's why he doesn't always come with me over here to see you, honey."
	"I know."
	"So what do you think?"
	"I think... I think I heard Chris calling. I think I have to go, Mom."
	"But what do you think of the idea, honey? You think I could do it?" Lynn asked. "Do you think it's possible?"
	"Sure." He shrugged as he stood up. "Anything is possible if you want it." 
	"I was thinking of calling around to find girls that would be interested. Like I'd call Bob Westbrook again and―"
	Bob had gotten them Lance. Justin felt a weird feeling.
	"And do you or JC remember any girls from Mickey Mouse that would be good? Does Joey know anyone from Universal?"
	Justin stared at her. He felt a little used. But this was his mother talking. His own mother. Who was going to start her own group? Okay. "I'll ask."
	"You have something in your tone... What's wrong, sweetheart?"
	"Nothing."
	"Do you think it's a bad idea?"
	"No," he said quickly. "I just... I guess I wasn't expecting it, that's all... But if you want to do it, then why not, right? I'll ask them." 
	"Good. Have a good show tonight, honey." 
*******
	Justin got dressed quietly, going over his mother's words in his head. Changing was still frustrating, pulling things on one-handedly and trying to rush, pulling sleeves on over a cast and trying to be careful. It took him a long time, but he managed to tie his shoes and get the button on the stage pants done. He felt pretty good about it until Chris walked by him and said,
	"For God's sake, Justin... Don't tie your shoes like that. You wanna break your other arm?"
	Justin stared down at the shoelaces. Sure it was sloppy, but he'd done it himself. He sighed. "I'm an invalid."
	"A moron, more like it," Chris muttered. 
	Justin walked over to JC, who was sitting on the ground tying his own shoes. He stood in front of him, and said dryly, "JC, can you make my sneakers more stage appropriate?"
	JC laughed, double-knotting his sneaker. "Yeah." 
	"Fantastic," Justin muttered.
	JC finished up his own laces and then reached over to untie Justin's and pull them tighter. 
	"How do you feel?" Justin asked, although it was obligatory. He looked away at the door.
	"Better," JC replied. "I think I've seen the worst of it." He looked up at Justin as he started on the second sneaker. "What's the matter?"
	"Nothing."
	"You sure? 
	"Yeah. I'm just ready for this show to be over." Justin wanted to tell him about his mother and what she was going to do. And he wanted to talk about how many more fans there were recently. He wanted to ask when he could go to sleep and tell him how he was running just on the sugar of the can of soda he'd finished just minutes before. He even wanted to tell him about how he'd fallen on his butt in the bathroom that morning. There was a lot going on in his head. 
	"Well, you'll feel different once you're up there." JC finished the shoes quickly.
	"Did you take cold medicine?"
	"No. It makes me groggy. I'll take it after the show."
	"Yeah, but you know, my painkillers make me groggy too, but I take 'em anyway," Justin replied. "If you need it..." 
	JC looked at him and laughed. "Well, you have a broken bone. I just have a head cold." 
	Justin shrugged. 
********
	Justin knew he wasn't getting JC's cold, but at the same time he felt just as crappy. He felt this overwhelming mix of stress and tiredness. Physical and emotional on both accounts. It was almost like he was just crashing from the day. He finished the show smiling and jumping around and dancing and singing, doped up on more painkillers than he should have had and on the ends of a sugar and caffeine high. 
	In his thoughts were random fears. The general wonder of where they were in their quest for fame, and related to that thoughts about their increasingly crazy fans, like the one that had tried to climb on stage that night, slipping through and over and under gates until a security guard grabbed her.
	And he had visions of his mother leaving him, to take all the contacts he'd worked so hard to make, to use them for her own benefit. He had a whole soap opera of it set up in his mind, of all this random drama that was going to happen. And he felt like it would all happen by the end of the week too.
	"Are you going to change?"
	Justin looked up at Joey's voice and frowned. He'd almost forgotten where he was. He was in this room again, with Lance and Joey, this friendly but uncomfortable room that gave him mixed feelings. 
	"Huh?" he replied.
	"Clothes?" Joey persisted.
	Justin hadn't changed from his jeans and t-shirt. He was sitting in bed wearing them. His shoes were off at least. He stared at his jeans for a minute, with one of those unblinking, exhausted stares. Joey had already changed. Lance was in the shower again like last night.
	"You want help?" Joey continued.
	"I'll sleep in this," Justin replied.
	Joey gave him a look but didn't argue. "Alright...  Let's actually sleep tonight, okay?" 
	"Okay." Justin didn't care. He didn't care about the TV. He had enough images in his head to last him, he didn't need any TV. 
	"You alright?"
	Justin gave him a broken look and shook his head. "I'm tired... I want to go to sleep..."
	"Good. You know you can get a good ten hours if you go to sleep right now. We don't have to get up in the morning."	
	Justin nodded. He needed twenty hours. Not ten. But since he'd gotten so little last night and then just a few accumulated over the course of the day, ten would have to do.
	"Justin."
	He looked up. Joey was staring at him. 
	"Get to bed, man. Really. You look exhausted." 
	"I am in bed," Justin replied. 
	Joey walked over to turn off a light. "Yeah, well get under blankets and lay down or something then. Close your eyes."
	It was probably a good idea. 
********
	Dreams were always marked with fuzzy edges and people that were there that shouldn't be and people that should be there that weren't. Colors were sometimes different and time was off and sometimes he thought he found himself trapped between life and death and everything in the world he'd ever been terrified of staring him in the face. Unwelcome words and thoughts and people. 
	And just when he thought it was as bad as it could get, it got worse. And just when he thought he was going to wake up, he realized he was even more trapped, and he began to think maybe he was awake and this was all real. Because he swore he could feel it all. Everything. 
	When it all finally disappeared and he finally thought he was awake, it was loud and his throat was burning and it was really dark. It took him a moment to realize that it was loud because he was screaming. He felt like he was choking. He couldn't see a thing. Maybe he was dead. After all he'd dreamed, maybe he was dead. 
	But then a light flipped on.
	He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to be quiet. But he wanted to cry when he realized he was on the floor. There was a blanket tangled around him and somehow he wasn't in bed anymore. His arm was throbbing and he had this sudden surge of fear that he'd fallen and landed on his arm and it was worse now. More broken.
	His dream was still vivid in his mind. He couldn't get the images past his eyes even though reality was right there in front of him.
	Reality, he reminded himself.
	"Hey, Justin," came the soothing voice of Joey. Joey was Superman. Joey had always handled everything. Handled it with a smile. But Justin didn't want him near him. 
	Reality was safe.
	But it wasn't. All his dreams stemmed from reality so it couldn't be safe. Maybe they were premonitions. Maybe it was all going to happen. 
	"Justin, did you fall out of bed?" 
	Of course, going for the obvious. Joey had no idea why Justin had awoken from his sleep screaming. He had no idea why he was on the ground  either. He had no idea what to do or what to say or what was wrong with Justin. He just knew the obvious.
	He stared at Justin sitting on the ground. He looked so small, knees pulled to his chest and blankets tangled at his feet. This was not the extroverted Justin from the stage that night. This Justin looked like he wanted to disappear. Their golden child looked broken in some sort of way.
	"Did he have a bad dream?" Lance asked in his low voice from behind him. He sounded a little fearful.
	"I guess..." Joey replied as he walked over to him. He glanced back at Lance, who was sitting up in bed with wide eyes, looking younger than his nearly eighteen years. The scream had scared the both of them.  "Don't worry about him, Lance. Just stay asleep."
	"Is something wrong though?" Lance persisted.
	Justin was rubbing his hand over his face and Joey walked over to sit on the edge of Justin's bed, by where he was on the floor. "Justin," he said. "What's the matter?"
	"Nothing..." Justin had put his face down onto his pulled up knees and the response was muffled.
	Joey leaned down and patted Justin's curly head soothingly. "Hey, man... Was it a bad dream?" 
	Justin's head nodded up and down. 
	"You wanna talk about it?" Joey persisted. 
	Shaking his head, Justin sniffled. "No."
	Joey sighed. Justin was fine really, just a bad dream. Everyone had bad dreams. He hadn't sleep in a while and so it was just all the anxiety of that so that when he did sleep, he couldn't. That made sense to Joey. But he wasn't sure what to say.
	"C'mon, Justin... You can't not talk and not get up. What are you doing?"
	Justin wasn't doing anything. He hadn't moved. "I don't know," he said softly. 
	Joey slipped off the bed slowly and crouched down in front of him. He reached out and rubbed his hands comfortingly up and down Justin's upper arms. "Come on. What's the matter... ?"
	Joey wasn't expecting the movement and grunted as suddenly Justin moved to wrap his arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. Joey gently let him and then slipped an arm around his back, returning the hug. Justin buried his face in his shoulder.  
	"Okay..." Joey soothed, brow furrowed. He listened as Justin breathed deeply. "Are you upset?"
	"I'm sorry," Justin breathed into his neck. Then he pushed away, as if suddenly realizing what he was doing and deciding he didn't want to. He needed to be less dependent. "I woke everybody up again." 
	"You didn't," Joey replied with a frown. "You didn't at all. It's just me."
	Justin shook his head, as if he didn't believe him. He sniffled a little bit. 
	"You want to talk?"
	Justin shook his head again.
	"Okay," Joey agreed reluctantly. "You alright? No one likes it when you cry."
	"I'm not crying," Justin persisted, wiping his cheeks briskly. 
	"It's okay to cry. But you should tell me what it's about." 
	"We need to sleep," Justin answered. He started to get to his feet and then sniffled again. He stared at his bed for a moment, then at the tangled blankets on the floor. Joey was rising to his feet.
	"I..." Justin began, taking a step away from him. "I'm going to take a walk." He rubbed at his eyes.
	"A walk? Where?" Joey began. 
	"To..." Justin swallowed. He wanted to clear his mind. He shifted his weight, glancing behind him to where Lance sat up in bed, just watching quietly. Justin felt a pang of guilt. No one was sleeping again. He looked up at Joey. "Would JC be mad if I wanted to talk to him?"
	"No..." Joey replied, looking at Justin's red-rimmed eyes. "No, I'm sure he'll talk to you." 
	"I'll be back." Justin paused. "I just want to... to ask him something."
	"Okay." 
	Justin nodded, staring at his bed again for minute. Then he rubbed at his face again and started walking towards the door.
	"Justin," Joey began.
	Justin looked up as his hand reached for the doorknob.
	"Go there only. If they don't answer the door, you come right back, okay?"
	Justin nodded. Then he pulled the door open and walked out. 
	"What can't he sleep over?" Lance asked when the door shut.
	"I don't know." Joey turned to look at him and ran a hand through his hair. "We've all had those nights."
	"Not like that."
	"No..." Joey agreed. "I've never fallen out of bed over anything." 
********
	Justin had his fingers crossed when he knocked that JC would answer the door. Please be JC. Not Chris. Chris would take a look at him and just roll his eyes and tell him to go back to bed or just give him a hard time. 
	When the door opened, it was JC, but the man had the look that Justin expected from Chris. He was frowning, but he was also blowing his nose and squinting into the light of the hallway.
	"Again, Jus?" JC asked as he rubbed at his nose with a tissue. "You have your pills. Trust me."
	"I do." 
	JC scrutinized him and then pulled the door open wider. "What's the matter?"
	Justin slowly slid into the darkened room. He rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. "I don't know..." he admitted, keeping his voice steady.
	JC sniffed, clearing his throat. "It's late." 
	"I know." Justin took one look at him, realizing how sick his friend must feel and knowing that it was unfair to do this in the middle of the night. "I'll try again." He started back out the door. 
	"No, no..." JC caught his arm, voice hoarse. "Come on." He pulled Justin back into the room and shut the door. "You were crying?"
	"No," Justin lied. 
	"Over what?"
	"Nothing." 
	"Come on." JC sighed. "Did you come over here so that you could talk? Or just to listen to me talk."
	"You," Justin admitted sadly. 
	JC shook his head, but smiled shortly.
	Justin looked up at him and suddenly wished he could make JC laugh. JC had the best laugh in the world sometimes, when he laughed like Mickey Mouse. Justin liked to hear him laugh. But now JC's smile was gone and he looked somber and worried. 
	The room was small, and he looked over to the bed where Chris was snoring soundly. "I don't want to wake him."
	"Neither do I," JC replied. "It's hard to believe he's asleep at all with all the coughing, and sneezing, and nose blowing I've been doing."
	"I had a bad dream..." 
	"Yeah..." JC nodded. "I figured..." JC started to walk away from the door. "Come on." He walked towards the couch in the corner of the room. "You wanna tell me about it?"
	Justin reached up to wipe his eyes, hand shaking a little. He followed him towards the couch. "Did you know my mom is going to start her own group?"
	JC frowned. "Really?"
	Justin nodded as JC sat down. He moved to sit next to him. 
	"That's interesting... She never said that..." 
	"Do you think the fans went over the fence today? Or under?"
	JC didn't answer for a minute. He leaned back into the couch and sighed. Then he coughed softly.  "You haven't gotten enough sleep, J... You take things too hard. Why do you take everything so hard?"
	"I don't." 
	JC didn't answer for a moment. Then, "Tell me about your dream."
	"I don't know..."
	"No...?" JC rubbed at his own eyes. His throat was scratchy and part of him wanted to tell Justin to go to bed, even though that part of him made the other part feel guilty. "Why not?"
	"Because." 
	JC shook his head. "Whatever it is, remember it's a dream."
	Justin rubbed at his nose and said nothing.
	"What happened in your dream?"
	"Everything," Justin replied. "Everything." 
	JC frowned sympathetically.
	"I thought you couldn't get hurt in your dreams..." Justin persisted with a sniffle.
	"I don't know.... Sometimes you do. That's how dreams are. Did you get hurt?"
	Justin nodded. "Bad."
	"Was it scary?"
	Justin nodded again. 
	"But, see, you woke up.... Because it's not real."
	Justin wiped his eyes quickly as a couple silent tears trickled down towards his chin. 
	JC sighed, glancing at him. "You really need more sleep, Justin. You hear me? You're going to sleep late tomorrow, okay? No one is going to touch you until at least eleven. You're too stressed out."
	"I'm not stressed."
	"You are. I don't want you getting burnt out. When you get tired it gets harder... You didn't get enough rest yesterday, and it's just gonna get harder... Your mom will kill us if you get sick with all of this."
	"I won't."
	"Yeah."
	"No, I really won't..." Justin shook his head.
	JC slid a hand up to touch the cast on his arm. "How's this doing? Hm?"
	"I thought I hurt it again." Justin's voice was  quiet. "It hurts."
	JC nodded. "You can take more painkillers... They might help you sleep, too." He looked into Justin's eyes. "I'm worried about these dreams, Curly Q... You've never had dreams like this..."
	"It's... It's only sometimes..." Justin objected, voice rising a bit. "I mean, everybody dreams."
	"Not like that. Not like you do.  Recently. Even at my house, remember?" JC persisted. "And you wake up terrified, kiddo, and that's not right..."
	"Yeah...."
	"And this was the worst one, I can tell..." JC persisted. "What am I supposed to do for you? It's not just when you sleep alone because it happened when I was sleeping with you..."
	"JC, don't..." Justin pleaded. "Don't. Don't tell me."
	"Well, what am I supposed to do for you?"
	"I'm fine now, I promise," Justin began, voice rising. "I won't do it again. I don't need you to do anything, I just wanted to talk a bit."
	"You can't control whether or not you dream..." JC answered. "And I don't mind when you wake me up, honest I don't if there's something wrong... It's just... When it's so bad you can't even tell me what it's about, that's when I mind..."
	"JC..."
	"Tomorrow we relax. Nothing else all day except for that, how's that?"
	Justin nodded and rested his head down on JC's shoulder. "When do we go home?"
	"Home?" JC asked. They were just a few days into the tour. He just knew tomorrow and the day after that. He didn't know when they'd go home. "I'll find out, okay? I'm sure there's some break or something that we get to fly back for. You want to go home?"
	"No," Justin responded quickly. "No, I was just wondering." 
	"Alright."
	Justin yawned. 
	"Do you want to talk about what your dream was?" JC asked.
	"No..." Justin replied. "I barely remember it now..."
	"That's a lie..." Suddenly JC looked him up and down. "Did you ever even change for bed, Justin?"
	"I was tired."
	"Alright." JC rolled his eyes.
	"What's the worst thing to happen?"
	JC sighed. "What...?"
	"What was the worst that ever happened to you?" Justin repeated again, in a whisper.
	"Why?"
	"Curious." 
	"Well..." JC felt him squirm next to him. "I don't know... Worst what?"
	"Worst ever anything."
	"Like someone dying?"
	"Anything."
	"Worst thing ever..." JC repeated thoughtfully. 
	"To you."
	"To me..." JC closed his eyes. "Well, to me in particular... I'll say... When I went to LA. Yeah, I think that was my biggest mistake."
	Justin pressed his lips together, silent for a moment. He'd always been mad at JC when he left for LA, so far away, in a state he'd never been. He'd gotten so attached to things during those days, and when they started breaking away, and when the show ended and people were moving away, he was so scared JC would go so far away and that would be it. He'd settle there and never see him again.
	So he'd been mad for a while because of JC's leaving. To try to do something he'd never do. And he'd held it against him a little while, when he'd had to go to school and try to be good, but only until JC came back. When JC came back, he was so serious and quiet about it, Justin had stopped being jealous and holding it against him. Whenever he'd asked, JC would just say something wise that went over his head. Something not to do, or to do, if he ever tried something by himself. But it was never a direct statement. He was always vague.
	And he almost never brought it up himself. 
	"Why?" Justin asked.
	"Oh, you know... Sometimes you regret things..."
	"Why?"
	"Because you find out people are different, that's why." 
	Justin couldn't say 'why' again. When JC said 'that's why', he couldn't. He knew if he did, JC would say 'I just told you why'. But he didn't know what else to say.
	"But why?"
	"I just told you why, Justin." JC elbowed him gently.  
	"Why was it the worst that ever happened to you though?" 
	"I just told you, Justin."
	"Oh. But..." Justin paused. "How come you never told me about it?"
	"Why not? Because it's nothing you need to know about..." JC replied back softly. "Just like how you never told me all the stupid stuff you did when I was gone."
	"Stupid stuff?"
	"Yeah."
	"I didn't do anything that bad..." Justin began. He closed his eyes and tried to remember. "Let's see… The worst stuff I did then? Well, I blew up a couple mailboxes with this guy. And then―"
	"You don't have to tell me. I'm not telling you."
	"Oh."
	"Justin, blowing up mailboxes is a federal offense."
	"No one ever knew but our parents and the people who owned them. They didn't call the cops." Justin slouched down into the couch. "And the guy I did it with? His mom was like a million times madder than my mom. My mom just got that look on her face. Well, my dad was mad..."
	JC didn't answer. He wanted to tell Justin to try and go back and go to sleep. But Justin was talking, and talking was always a good thing. Talking was normal for Justin. Talking wasn't anything to worry about. And maybe in the talking he would find out a little more about what was bothering him.
	"You told Tony about LA," Justin began. "You tell him all the stuff that you don't tell me."
	"Where does Tony factor into any of this?" JC asked. "You were just talking about mailboxes."
	"But you had changed the subject so I was just going back to it."
	"Tony's my friend too. I haven't talked to him in a while. Since we left."
	"Does he know more than I do about you?"
	"I doubt it. You live with me." 
	"About before you lived with me and when you stayed with him? And when we―
	"Maybe." JC reached over and patted his friend's hair. "Why's any of that important?"
	"You know everything about me."
	"Not everything. Not everything in this head." He rested his hand on Justin's head.  No one else had hair like that. 
	"Nearly."
	"Well, bud, that's because at times like this... In the wee hours of the morning..." He leaned over and whispered intently, "You tell me everything." 
	"Why don't you tell me then?"
	"I let you talk."
	"I don't want to talk now. I want you to talk."
	JC sighed. "There's things I don't even tell my family..."
	"But Tony?"
	"Why don't you like Tony?" 
	"He's.... He's okay now... But he used to be... Ugh."
	"Used to be what?"
	"I don't know."
	"We've all changed," JC answered. "That was a long time ago, Justin. I mean, look at you. You're a lot different from then too. You've grown like ten feet in the past couple years."
	"Not even. I wanna be six foot..." Justin began.
	"You will be. You're almost right now." 
	"I want to be bigger than six foot. Six foot five. I want to play basketball and be able to dunk it without anyone lifting me. And then I can play with Penny Hardaway and... I have the best three point shot."
	JC said nothing and let Justin continue to whisper about basketball. Justin's mind was always all over the place. This was what he loved. It was also what worried him though. That just fifteen minutes ago Justin could be nearly in tears, fearful over some figment of his imagination that haunted him in his nightmares, and now here he was, smiling about dreams of the future. 
	"Wouldn't that be cool?" Justin persisted. 
	JC hadn't heard the last bit but he nodded anyway. "Definitely. Hey... What would you pick, Curly? NBA or this?"
	"Don't ask that."
	"NBA's more important than us?"
	"Remember?" Justin began. "Remember when who said, was it Joey? He said I could do it and ya'll would sing the National Anthem at the games. Remember?"
	"Yes." 
	Justin smirked. "Whatever though." 
	"Whatever," JC repeated. "Justin, you know, it's getting kind of late."
	"Just tell me, JC. What really happened?"
	"When?"
	"In LA."
	JC sighed. "I told you what I did in LA. I tried to get famous. And then I met a bunch of assholes. And I regret a lot of what I tried to do there."
	"Why were they assholes?"
	"Justin, just because."
	"You never let anyone use 'just because' as an answer."
	"Well… Justin, I just don't like to talk about it with a lot of people."
	"I'm not a lot of people." 
	"I know. And I couldn't tell you. There's no point."
	"Why not?"
	"Justin... You just... You wouldn't underst―" JC cut himself off, rethinking his explanation. "Okay, you would understand. And... I'd rather you not understand."
	"Is it worse than my dream?" 
	JC shook his head. "Jus, you won't tell me the details of your dream, so I don't know." 
	Justin grimaced. "I don't want..." His voice shook a little bit. "I don't want to tell you that..."
	"Good. I don't want you to think about it." JC pet Justin's hair like he was a puppy. "And I don't want to think about LA. So are we even?"
	"I guess." 
	"Well, let's try to call it a night, alright?"
	Justin nodded. "Yeah." 
	JC looked at him, hoping he would just fall asleep when he went back to bed and not be woken up by anymore dreams. This was the accumulation of big and little problems that had started back at day one. Justin had been forced to hide all of them, bury them deep inside, behind a shiny white smile for the stage. And now they seemed to be just piling up, bleeding into other parts of his life like sleep.
********
	"So what was with last night?"
	"Huh?" JC gave Chris a funny look. He'd asked a guy on their crew for a place that they could all eat lunch, and since it wasn't too far from their hotel, they were walking. JC hoped no one recognized them. They'd been getting recognized quite a lot lately but Justin and Joey had hats on, and in JC's mind that was enough of a disguise. JC looked up at them, where they walked ahead with Lance. 
	"Last night. I think I dreamed Justin came to the door. But I think it was real. Did I miss all the excitement?"
	"Excitement..." JC scoffed. "Yeah."
	"Justin had a bad dream?" Chris continued. "That's all I got from Lance this morning. He didn't know."
	"Yeah." 
	"Yeah? About what?"
	"Same stuff."
	Chris frowned. "Well, I hope he gets over it." 
	"Well, that's easy to say," JC answered. "I mean, me too." 
	"Yeah, well. I dream too, you know? But he's been losing a lot of sleep over all of this. Whatever this is." 
	"Yeah." JC was silent for a moment. He looked up ahead at the three, where Joey had slung his arm around Justin's shoulders and was telling him something to make him laugh. "I don't get it."
	"What?"
	"Justin."
	"Well, I don't get him either. Don't expect me to enlighten you."
	"I'm supposed to get him though. Isn't that my job? You all act like I should since I've known him the longest."
	"No, actually your job is to be the co-lead singer. That's what you're signed up for. The rest is purely voluntary. Unless you signed some other contract that I'm not aware of." 
	"Chris, I'm being serious."
	"Me too. No where in your contract did it say, will dote on Justin."
	JC was getting frustrated. Chris was trying to be funny and it really wasn't the right time for that.
	"So what happened last night?"
	"He was bothered by something...."
	"It's not the two room thing again, is it? Because, man, I do not fucking get that."
	"No. It's not that..." JC sighed. 
	"Is he homesick? I was thinking he was homesick. Lance was like that too for a while, remember? But it wasn't so bad. He was more quiet about it."
	"Joey talked to him about it," JC told him. "You just give everybody a hard time, so they don't want to talk to you."
	Chris snorted. "Yeah. Right." Chris looked up towards the other three who were leading. "Do they know where we're going?"
	"Yeah. Joey knows."
	"And why this place again?"
	JC shrugged. "They apparently have really good hotdogs. Justin wanted hotdogs." 
	Chris rolled his eyes. "Jesus Christ. While God forbid the baby doesn't get what he wants."
	"Chris." JC sent him a glare. "Joey and Lance wanted hotdogs too. This was all decided while you were in the bathroom for forever."
	"I was not."
	"Besides. Sometimes people should get what they want."
	"He always gets what he wants. I think I should start to get what I want too."
	JC gave him an exasperated look. "Well, what do you want, Chris?"
	"A massage. On the beach. In Miami. By a perfect ten model."
	"Nice. Well, at least what Justin wants is accessible."
	"Fuck that." 
	"You're an idiot."
	"I know. Mom said she dropped me a couple times as a baby."
	"I'd believe it too." 
	They walked together for a moment in silence. Then Chris asked, "So he told you about his dream?"
	"No," JC admitted. "But I know it's the same thing. About the scum that we're dealing with." 
	"JC," Chris began. "Ninety-nine percent of the people we work with are no different than us. You can't just generalize like that. Be optimistic." 
	Dammit, why not? JC wanted to ask. They were so much safer generalizing. It was better to assume that everybody was out to get them then pick and chose and wind up being wrong. 
	"I know there's some bad apples out there," Chris began. "And I know that we've run into a couple, but come on, JC. Be real. He needs to be real too."
	"You can't help what you dream about."
	"I know that. Trust me, I do. I mean, if I could pick and choose my dreams I would be a happy man. I might never want to wake up. But at the same time... There's a point where it's mind over matter." 
	"He'll be fine."
	"I know he will. And you should believe it when you say it too, JC. I mean, you have this look on your face like you're a God damn mother hen."
	"I know he'll be fine. It's just that he's so stressed out right now. We all are. Look at your nails."
	Chris glanced at his hand briefly. He knew he was constantly biting his fingernails. "So we'll all stressed. He's stressed. I know. But he's handled everything beautifully until this tour started. Until he broke his arm and suddenly everything's ten times harder. And I totally understand that, JC. I definitely do... But he's going to get better, his arm will get better, and he'll be right back where we were." 
	"I know."
	"Hey," Joey said from in front of them, turning to look at them. "Is this the place?" He pointed at a restaurant sign about twenty feet ahead of them.	
	JC looked and then nodded. "Yeah, that's it."
*********
	Justin felt pretty okay. He knew he'd gotten a lot of sleep, even with the late night interruption, and that had made him smile. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten to sleep like that, with no one waking him up in the morning. Once his mind had cleared, the bed had been warm and soft and comfortable. He got a twinge of both regret and fear when he thought about early in the night before he'd gotten that sleep though. He didn't want to think about that.
	He was well-rested. They didn't have the concert that night, only a rehearsal for the Echo Awards. He thought it'd be a good day.
	And then they went to eat at a restaurant that had hotdogs and cherry coke. It was almost like the day was made for him. 
	They got a booth and ordered. When their drinks came, Justin took a long drink through his straw before smiling across at Chris. "Chris, we should go shopping."
	"Shopping?" Chris looked skeptical. "I'm not a shopper. You know that."
	"Our game," Justin insisted.
	Chris looked blank. "Game?"
	"Our game," Justin repeated. "Remember?" He gave him an insistent look. "Chris…"
	"No. What game?" 
	Chris seemed irritable. Justin frowned and folded up the paper wrapper from his straw. "We had a game," he replied. "What's the matter, Chris?"
	"Nothing." Chris's tone was distracted. But instead of saying more, he began. "So what game is this?"
	"You're the one that taught me... Remember when we took the stuff and put it in the people's―"
	"Oh!" Chris began. He gave a small smile. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. I remember it."
	Justin looked pleased. 
	Joey frowned. "When you took stuff and put it in the people's something.... Um, yeah. Sounds memorable."
	Justin continued, "We haven't done anything like that in a long time, Chris."
	"I know. Maybe later." 
	"Today later? Because we actually have time today." Justin took another drink of his soda. "JC, you thought it was funny, remember?"
	JC nodded. "I remember."
	"Chris and I started it in Orlando," Justin persisted. "In a Walmart. Remember, Chris?" 
	"It's stupid..." Chris shook his head. "Why are you acting like it's the coolest thing when it's pretty lame?"
	Justin rested his cast arm on the table. "Well, you invented it."
	"I didn't invent it," Chris replied. "My friend Andrew's brother used to do it. And he was definitely not the first either." 
	"Oh." Justin enthusiasm dwindled a little bit. 
	"Hey," Chris said. "Maybe later." 
	"When can we sign that?" Lance pointed at Justin's cast. 
	Justin frowned. "Later, I guess..."
	"I have to finish," JC persisted.
	"I ruined it," Chris reminded dramatically. "Don't forget I ruined it." 
	JC and Chris exchanged a look briefly.
	"You know I got ten hours of sleep last night?" Justin began proudly. "Ten hours."
	"It's about time," Lance answered. 
	"Remember when we went home?" Justin continued. "And JC slept for like a whole day straight?" 
	JC rolled his eyes. "Making up for lost time."
	"I want to do that."
	"You never do it when you should. Instead you pull all-nighters," Joey answered. 
	"Not last night. I got ten hours last night. Ten hours straight."
	JC didn't note it could potentially have been eleven or twelve hours... Instead he said, "It was good."
	"It makes a big difference," Joey began. "I don't think you realize until you actually get it. I almost feel like a different person today."
	"And now a nutritious lunch..." Lance replied slowly. 
	Justin frowned. "Hotdogs. Are they good for you?"
	"Are you kidding?" Lance looked at him.
	"In moderation," Chris told him. "They're not awful." 
	"They taste good, that's all. "
	"I could live on hotdogs," Justin replied. "And ice cream. Not together." He thought for a moment. "I haven't had ice cream in a while either." 
	Joey laughed. "I'm getting hungry..."
	"You're always hungry," Lance retorted. 	
	Justin shivered, feeling the air conditioner of the restaurant unnecessarily kick in. "I'm hungry too." He looked at his arm, trying to remember when he last took pills. "How long since I took anything?" he asked.
	"It was before you showered," Joey answered. "You can probably take more if you need it. How long's the cast on for?" Joey asked. "I feel like it would feel better without it." 
	"I dunno," Justin answered. He held out his arm. "I have a permanent thumbs up." He looked at the way his thumb was in the cast, held in position. "Thumbs up..." He turned it down. "Thumbs down." He laughed again.
	JC didn't mention he'd already done that one.
	Food came soon after.
*********
	"So what was with last night?" 
	Chris started his conversation with Justin exactly the same as he had with JC earlier. They were 'shopping', as Justin had suggested at lunch, and Justin had convinced Chris to do the game with him at a large convenience store. JC, Joey, and Lance had rolled their eyes and gone elsewhere. 
	"Last night?" Justin echoed. He was watching a lady step up to the counter with her shopping cart, which had a box of Depends and a large box of extra strong, six month supply of laxatives. 
	"Yeah. Everything okay?"
	"Yeah, man. I'm fine."
	Chris studied him. Justin was fine. He figured it was a mixture of that ten hours of sleep, having the day nearly off, etcetera, that had put him in a very pleasant mood. "Yeah?"
	Justin glanced at him. "Why?"
	"Oh, no reason. I was just wondering."
	"Did they say something?"
	"They? No. I just knew that you had a bad dream, is all."
	"Oh. Well, yeah."
	"What was it about?"
	The lady had reached the counter and was methodically pulling the items from her cart onto the check-out counter. She was just pulling out the big bag of Depends. She was turning a crimson color as the girl behind the register stared at her. The laxatives came out next.
	Justin was giggling. He turned to Chris. "What?"
	"What was it about? Your dream?" 
	"Oh, nothing really." Justin shrugged. He shrugged. "I dunno.... Hey, that lady checked out... Wanna do it again?"
	"I was thinking I'd talk to you." 
	Justin frowned and glanced at Chris, "Why?" He then turned his attention to a magazine rack. There were a few teeny magazines that he recognized. "We didn't buy―"
	"Yeah, we did. Joey got them."
	Justin nodded. They always bought the magazines that they were in; so they could show everyone back home. They always tried to figure out what their quotes, in German, said. "Does that one have the picture from when Lance wore that―"
	"I don't know. And you're changing the subject."
	Justin shifted his weight. "Well, I don't want to talk to you," he said honestly. "About that."
	"Why?"
	"Because I feel good now. I don't want to think about it. I'm not supposed to think about it."
	"So if you ignore things they go away?" Chris asked. "What if it comes back? I'm sure you didn't plan for it to come back last night..."
	"Chris... What...." Justin broke off. "Can't we just play the game?"
	"Sure. But I thought we could talk." Chris shrugged. 
	"It never turns out well when we 'talk'..." Justin muttered.
	"You know, I might be able to help or whatever."
	Justin shrugged. He flipped open the page of a magazine. "I don't get to see March Madness." He looked up. "I just thought about that. No March Madness. I don't think there will be any coverage over here, least not any we have time for. That sucks."
	"You'll live."
	"It's not the same when you tape it either. Dad would tape it if I asked, but I did that once when I couldn't see a game that was big,and it's not the same. I tried to not hear what had happened but it's all... It doesn't work out. It's not the same. Someone always winds up telling you what happened."
	"You can read about it."
	"It's not the same either."
	"You're purposely avoiding talking about anything important, aren't you..."
	"You're not the person I want to talk to," Justin said loudly. "I've already talked about it, and every time you bring something like this up, it's like you want to fight about it." His voice was purposeful and irritated.
	A lady down the aisle from them gave them a look.
	"You sound like a little kid having a fit, Justin."
	"Well, I don't know what else to say that will make you get it. I don't want to talk to you about it," Justin persisted.
	"Well, then I guess there's nothing to talk about..." Chris shrugged.
	"What do you care?" Justin shot back.
	Chris gave him a look. "Why wouldn't I care? You're not sleeping, you're stressed out... It rubs off, you know.  It affects us all, Justin, if you're not― "
	Justin let out an exasperated breath. "I don't want to play this anymore."
	"Fine. It's a stupid game. 
	"Stupid? You're the one that invented it." Justin threw the Sports Illustrated down on the floor. "You don't care about what I want to talk about."
	"Pick that up."
	"No." Justin kicked it towards Chris. "You can pick it up." 
	"You wanna pay for it?"
	"I don't got any money," Justin retorted as he walked away. He started down the aisle, away from Chris, wondering where the others were. He didn't like when Chris got like this. He considered that maybe it was him, being oversensitive again, but Chris should get it when he said he didn't want to talk about it. 
	Chris picked up the magazine, tried to unbend the cover, and replaced it on the display. He started after Justin with a sigh. "Justin, wait up."
	Justin turned down the next aisle. He wondered where the others could be. It wasn't that big of a store. Pretty big but not humongous. He could hear Chris's footsteps behind him. He knew if he slowed down to let him join him, that Chris would just lecture about something so he didn't even turn his head.
	He found the other three in the toy section of the store, looking at a talking bird. 
	"Hey," he began. "I was looking for you guys." 
	"What?" JC asked, turning away from a laughing Lance. "Look at this thing. It talks back to you." 
	"March Madness is this month..." Justin began. "Did you realize that?"
	Chris stepped up to them, saying nothing. He frowned. 
	"March..." JC nodded. "That's too bad you're going to miss it. You can read about it though. And hear about it."
	Justin frowned. "It's not the same."
	"Look at this..." JC turned back to the bird. 
	Justin glanced at it, watching it repeat back something muffled to Lance. He walked down the toy aisle, looking at all the other contents of the shelves. 
	"Did you guys play your game?" Joey asked Chris.
	Chris shrugged. "Kind of."
	Joey studied him. "What's the matter?" 
	"Nothing." He felt JC's eyes and turned on him. "Shut up, JC."
	"I didn't say anything," JC answered, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "Chill."
	"Let's get something," Justin called from down the aisle. "Want to?"
	"Toys?" Joey asked skeptically. "Like what? I mean, I like this bird but after a while I think I'd throw it out the window."
	"We can get a puzzle..." Justin replied. "A big one. Look at these."
	"For the bus? That's messy..." 
	"Or a board game," Justin continued. "Or something." 	
	"I like this parrot," Lance laughed. 
	"Did you get him mad at you or something?" JC asked Chris quietly.
	"Mad at me?" Chris echoed. "No." 
	"Why do you need something?" Joey asked Justin. "You don't play with any of the stuff we get half the time. You have that crossword book that you barely touch."
	"That's because ya'll do it more than me now without asking. That's not fair. And they get boring after a while."
	"Monopoly," Joey suggested. "How about that?" 
	"I like Monopoly."
	"Guys?" Joey turned to look at the others. 
	"Whatever," JC replied.
	Chris shrugged.
	"That's good," Lance said.
	"How much is it?" Joey asked. "Do they have any other versions?"
	Lance looked at Chris and JC skeptically. "Are you two mad at each other?"
	"No," they said simultaneously.
	"Okay."
	"Why?" JC asked.
	"You seem like it, that's why," Lance said carefully. "You're always having these secret discussions and looking mad at each other."
	"We weren't fighting," Chris answered. "We were just talking."
	Lance looked doubtful. "Yeah."
	"Monopoly." Justin held the game up to them as he approached. "Cool?"
	JC had always thought Monopoly was kind of boring. He used to always get stuck as the banker  when they were kids, being the older sibling. He felt like he spent the whole game doing math. But he smiled anyway. "Sure."
	"You want something instead?" Justin saw right through him.
	"No, that's fine."
	"There's other games."
	"Look at this Superman action figure..." Joey called from down the aisle. "Isn't it cool?" He held up the box.
	Justin put Monopoly under his arm and walked over. His eyes scanned over the boxes. "GI Joe.... Barbie..... Ooh, I like Spiderman and Batman." He bent down to put the Monopoly on the floor and reached for a Batman doll.
	"Superman could kill Batman any day," Joey said.
	"No. Batman has Robin."
	"Robin can't do anything. He's useless. He's a gay sidekick."
	"That's not true."
	"Fine. Maybe he can be bait, but that's about it."
	"That's not true. Superman wears red. Batman wears black. Black is so much more super hero."
	"Bat?"
	"Superman? What kind of stupid name is that? And you know, Batman could just hold that crypt stuff."
	"Crypt?"
	"That rock stuff."
	"Kryptonite?"
	"Yeah. That. It kills Superman. So what's that?"
	"That, my ignorant young friend, is a plot twist. All great men have weaknesses."
	"Okay, kids..." JC walked over. "Let's get going, shall we? Put the dolls back..."
	"Not dolls," Joey objected. "Not dolls at all."
	"Batman's an action figure." Justin put his back. "Superman's a doll."
	"Just pick up your Monopoly, dweeb," Joey replied. 
	"Batman's all plastic. That Superman has a felt cape. So he's a doll. Like Barbie. Barbie has clothes like that. So it's a doll." Justin picked up the box and gave it to JC. "You wanna pay?"
	"Me pay? I've got like two dollars, J..."
	"Well, I don't even have one..." 
	"I'll pay for it," Joey replied. "If Justin says―"
	As though anticipating the request, Justin interjected. "Batman is better, and I'm not saying otherwise."
	"Justin, you don't even care about Batman," JC began, rolling his eyes. "You're just saying it to get Joey riled up..."
	"So?" Justin hissed.
	"I bet you've never seen the original Batman," Joey challenged.
	"So?" Justin said again. "Wait, how many Batmans are there?"
	"You're a retard," Lance told him.
********
	Tired of struggling with one-handedness, Justin wore warm-ups that day. It was the perfect solution, he thought. Even if they were slightly loud for clothes, with the way swished when he walked and rustled when he moved, they didn't have any buttons or fly to worry about.  Not only that, but he felt they were pretty cool, with snap buttons all the way up the legs. 
	He explained it to JC as he approached him on the bus. The man was curled on on the couch, looking through a Rolling Stone. "Why didn't I think of this earlier? There's no buttons."
	"None?" JC reached down and unsnapped a few of the ones on his leg, so that skin showed through beneath. "What are these?" He paused. "Are you wearing anything under that?"
	"Quit it, asshole." Justin snapped them back up slowly and rolled his eyes. "You know what I meant by no buttons."
	"Yeah, well those buttons seem dangerous." 
	Justin laughed as he sat down on the couch beside his friend. "Dangerous?" he laughed, drawing his legs up under him on the couch.
	"Yeah, seriously. You wearing anything under there?" 
	"What do you think?" Justin rolled his eyes. "No, I'm naked."
	"Just wondering," JC replied. "Because they just seem very easy to get off." 
	"That was the idea."
	"Mm."
	"So I could pee more easily," Justin persisted, smiling.
	"Wow." JC's grin was a near laugh. 
	Justin nodded. "It is wow."
	"So are you gonna wear warm-ups every day until you get your cast off?" JC asked. 
	"I've only got two pairs."
	"You wanna buy more?"
	"I can't wear them every day."
	"Fashion faux pas?"
	"They're loud." Justin squirmed purposely to show the swishing sound. "See."
	"Oh, you can barely hear that..." JC replied. "You need more clothes anyway. You're lucky you wear things ten times too big or you'd be growing out of them anyway."
	"Ten times too big? All my clothes fit." Justin frowned. "You know, somewhat baggy is actual cool, JC. Cooler than those tight clothes they make us wear for photos sometimes. Like those shirts. Do you think I've gotten taller?"
	"Yeah. Probably."
	Justin stood up from his seat. "Stand."
	JC just looked up at him lazily. "Why...?"
	Justin looked impatient. "So I can see where I am on you. Stand up."
	"Your hair gives you like two inches, you know."
	Justin narrowed his eyes. "Joshua Chasez, stand."
	"You're not my mother. Don't say my name like that." JC grinned up at him. 
	"Stand."
	"Or else what?"
	"Else..."
	"Whatcha gonna do, bad boy?" JC teased. 
	"Is it really that hard for you to get off your ass for five seconds so I can see?" Justin looked exasperated.
	"See what?"
	"I want to see if I really got taller."
	"What if I got taller?"
	"You can't."
	"Why not?"
	"You stopped growing."
	JC laughed. "Oh, did I?"
	Justin nodded. "You did." 
	"Now... Did you get that memo from my genes, or did you give it to them?"
	Justin looked smug. "I gave it to them."
	"Did you? Ah..."
	"Don't you stop growing at like... I don't know... A certain age?"
	"I'm only twenty." JC watched Joey walk in past them to grab a drink he'd left.
	"Twenty."
	"I bet I could get a few more inches."
	Joey turned toward them, frowning. He laughed as he said sarcastically, "What the hell are you guys talking about?"
	Justin looked at him and then walked over. He stood shoulder to shoulder to him, looking at him as though judging the differential in their sizes. "Height."
	"I'm taller." Joey gently shoved him away. 
	"I'm almost..."
	"Can't you still grow at twenty, Joe?" JC persisted.
	"Sure you can," Joey answered. "Especially if you're a guy. You can still grow. And that's when you gain, too. So right know Justin's a ninety pound weakling but―"
	"Ha!" Justin shoved him back and laughed. "Yeah right."
	Joey gave him a look. "Almost." 
	"No." Justin simply shook his head. "Shut up." 
*******
	"Look at them," Chris scoffed, eyeing JC and Justin from a distance. Joey and him were taking a water break. Lance was sitting on the sidelines watching JC and Justin. The two were running through a dance together, one that was super fast and definitely not any of the group's choreography. Although they were side by side for synchronization, they may as well have been face-to-face, because it was obviously a face off. They did this sometimes; a game to waste time and see who would mess up first. They were backstage at the rehearsals for the Echo Awards.
	"What about them?" Joey asked, eyeing the two. He looked at Justin's glowing face. Justin's head was turned to watch JC as he grinned, doing the exact same steps and moves that the other did.
	"Why are they doing that?"
	"Because. The two of them have like a ridiculous amount of energy."
	"Well, they need to just sit down. Just look at them," Chris said again.
	Joey looked at him. Chris was frowning. "I don't want to." He laughed. "It makes me tired just to look at them." 
	"For someone who apparently hasn't been sleeping well," Chris continued, "Justin sure has a sudden amount of energy."
	"Yeah, maybe it was the fifteen pixie sticks you two inhaled an hour before practice."
	Chris rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
	"Besides, they're both having fun. There's nothing more to it than that." 
 	Lance walked up to them then, leaning against the wall by Chris. "Does anybody want to take a walk or something?" 
	"Yeah," Joey agreed. "It's hot in here."
	"You've got like..." Chris looked at his watch. "Fifteen minutes."
	"I wish we could get food too," Joey told Lance as he got up. "I'm starving." 
**********
	"You think we'll win anything tomorrow?" Justin asked, back at their Hamburg hotel while hanging out in one of the rooms. They had planned to watch a movie together, but couldn't find anything on the television in English since they only had a few channels. So now, they were just watching the news but none of them were really paying attention to it. He stretched out on the bed next to Lance, and glanced over to the others on the couch. 
	"It's not tomorrow..." Chris replied. "We have a show tomorrow. It's on Thursday."
	"Oh. Really? I thought today was Wednesday."
	"Well, at least you felt ready," Joey laughed.
	"Not really," Justin answered with a smirk. "I just really thought it was Wednesday."  
	"Maybe we'll something though," JC said hopefully. "You never know."
	"Johnny said it's a big show," Lance began. "Really big in Germany."
	"I want to win something," Justin replied. He stretched his legs out as far as he could, toes straight. 
	"We all do," Chris answered.
	"Well, we have a chance," JC replied. "Even Johnny said we have a chance." 
	"Does anyone feel like going out?" Joey asked suddenly. He stretched his arms over his head. "We didn't do much today; I'm antsy." He looked beside him at Chris and JC, and then back at the bed towards the youngest. "Anyone?"
	"Me," Lance spoke up. "I want to go. Where?"
	"I don't know. We'll get a drink somewhere random. Some cold German beer sounds really good to me right nwo..." Joey smiled. "Anyone else? JC?"
	"I don't feel like putting my shoes on," JC answered.
	"That's a crappy excuse..." 
	"I know." JC turned his head to look at him and shook his head. "But I'm sticking with it."
	"Lame..." 
	"You sure?"
	"Positive... I'm finally feeling better and I don't want to get sick again."
	"Chris?" Joey asked.
	Chris looked ambivalent. He was comfortable on the couch, actually enjoying just sitting there and talking. He was also a little tired. "I don't know. I don't think so." 
	"You don't think?"
	"No. I'll stay too." Chris gave him an apologetic smirk. "I'm with JC. Even finding my shoes sounds like too much effort right now." 
	"And you?" Joey turned his head to look at Justin.
	Justin frowned up at him, giving him a skeptical look. "Like I'm allowed to go..."
	"I'm asking, aren't I?"
	"Really?" Justin frowned. "Usuaully whenever you mention anything to do with a bar I'm automatically not invited." 
	"Well, you could use some air and get outside too, big boy. And we're just going to go get a drink, not go to some rave or something. I don't think you'll find any drugs or hype there..."
	Justin laughed. "I did not purposely do that..."
	"That's right... I almost forgot about that time we took him...We got quite a show..." Lance said with a smirk.
	Justin didn't like the way Lance said 'we took him', like he was oh so much older and wiser with only two more years. But Justin didn't say anything. Joey was actually serious; he wanted him to come. 
	Joey was up off the couch, grabbing his sneakers from the corner. "Come on, guys." 
	"Justin," JC started. "Don't drink a lot, okay?" 
	"Man, he's not a baby," Joey replied. "Justin, you can do whatever you want. JC doesn't need to give you permission."
	Justin gave JC an exasperated look as he slid off the bed. 
	"It's me his mother blames anytime anything happens," JC muttered. 
	"Well, tell her to blame me," Joey replied. "I'll be watching them." 
	"No one needs to watch anybody." Lance rolled his eyes. He glanced over at where Justin was now sitting on the floor, struggling to put on sneakers.
	"Well, I take that back... He can't even tie his shoes," Lance started with a laugh.
	Justin glared up at him. "Yes, I can, asshole." 
	Chris watched the Joey and Lance grab their coats and ready themselves to leave. He met Joey's eye and said, "I don't trust the three of you together," with a laugh. "Just be careful, man." 
	"For Christ's sake, guys." Joey rolled his eyes. "Chill out." 
	Chris just smirked and picked up the tv controller, deciding to try one more time to find something else on. 
	Joey walked over to Justin and crouched down, grabbing Justin's ankle and pulling his foot towards him to tie his laces. "We have to go before they decide to put us under house arrest," he told him.
	Justin let him tie his laces, watching with half interest. "Why?"
	"Because they don't trust us."  
	"Double knot," Justin said.
	Joey tied them again. "You ready?"
	"Yep." 
	"You?" Joey got up and looked at Lance.	
	"Have been," Lance answered with a smirk. 
	Justin stood up and eyed JC, then Chris. They were both watching him. He rolled his eyes. "What?"
	"Don't disappear. Stay with them," JC said. "Don't be stupid."
	"Okay." Justin looked at Chris. "And you?"
	"What he said." 
	Justin laughed.
***********
	They took a cab to one of the main streets in Hamburg where Joey had remembered there to be a lot of bars. In the cab ride over, he and Lance talked for a little while, and then he looked at Justin, who was looking out the window and had been rather quiet.
	"You know, if you have Trace come or whatever, on tour, it would be cool because I could take you guys places," Joey said.
	Justin nodded. "Yeah." 
	"Would you like that?"
	"If he can come."
	"Did you ask your mom? I bet she could arrange it. It would be cool to have a friend come on the road."
	Justin nodded again. "Yeah, I'll ask her." He looked at Lance. "Do any of your friends want to come?"
	"That could be cool," Lance agreed. 
	A few more minutes passed. The cab smelled and it was really stuffy. Joey wished he could reach over one of them and open a window, but then it would just be really cold air hitting them. The cabby looked like he was eighty years old. 
	He looked over at Justin again. "You just have to listen to me, okay?"
	Justin glanced at him. "Huh?"
	"Tonight. If I tell you something, just do it, okay?"
	"Okay." Justin rolled his eyes. 
	"And... If we get separated, just look for Lance or me. We can't be far, you know?"
	"Okay."
	Lance smiled and added, "And no drugs."
	"Shut up." Justin shook his head and looked out the window again, but he was smiling as well. 
*********
	Later, Justin was on his third drink. He smiled at Joey as he slid a cherry off of a little plastic sword that had been in his glass. He liked cherries. The drink was good too. 
	"What is this?" he asked as he took another sip of it. "I've tasted this before." 
	Joey watched Justin chew the maraschino cherry with a smile. "Rum and coke, Justin."
	"Oh."
	"You like it."
	"Yeah."
	Joey nodded, watching him for another second before he glanced to find Lance. Lance was on the other side of the bar and was talking to a couple of girls. He looked fine, and so Joey turned back to Justin. This wouldn't be bad. Not bad at all. It was relaxing, really.
	"I've definitely had this before," Justin said.
	"Have you?"
	Justin nodded. He put the cherry stem on the napkin on the bar. "I really like the cherries..." Justin sat loosely on the bar stool, reminding Joey more of a kid at an ice cream parlor than a guy at a bar. Joey thought it was funny. 
	"Well, get more then," Joey answered, his eyes drifting again as he took a sip of his own beer. He'd been dutifully watching Justin for the past half an hour, and he was starting to get a little anxious for some of his own action. Watching Justin could be a little tedious. Plus he was starting to think the sixteen year old didn't even need to be watched. 
	As his eyes scanned the room, they settled on a pretty brunette who was looking his way. She had a low-cut shirt and really nice lips. She smiled when she caught him looking. Joey smiled back and then looked at Justin. Justin looked fine. He was sitting there, not doing much, enjoying just looking around.
	"I'm gonna go talk to someone, Justin," Joey began. "Okay?"
	"Yeah, go ahead."
	"Lance is about twenty feet from you. Look over there, see?"	
	Justin nodded. "Yeah, I see him."
	"Alright." Joey was satisfied enough with that answer. 
	Justin watched Joey walk away from him without a word. He saw the girl that he was approaching and frowned a little bit. She looked trashy, or easy as Chris would say, and he wasn't really sure why Joey would want to go talk to that. 
	Justin had just a little left of his drink when the bartender came back.
	"How are you, honey?" she asked. She was the same one who had spoken to them before to get their order. "Where'd your friend go?"
	"With a girl." Justin showed her.
	"Ah. And how are you doing?"
	"Can I have another?" he asked. She was a nice lady, probably in her mid thirties with long hair pinned up.
	She smiled. "Sure. I'll be back."
	Justin finished the last of his drink. He looked at Joey. He had his hands on the girl's hips now and was pressing himself closer, against her. Justin looked away at Lance. He was laughing with a couple girls himself.
	Justin had to go to the bathroom.
	The waitress came back then and gave him his new drink, taking the empty glass away. There were more cherries on the plastic sword this time and he smiled. 
	"Where's the bathroom?"
	"Over there..." She pointed to a far wall. "Down that hall, men's is on the right."
	"Thank you."
	"No problem." She left him. 
	Justin ate one of the cherries and had a few sips before he put down his drink. He slid off his chair and started walking down towards the bathroom. For a moment, when he got up, he felt the last drink rush to his head. Then he told himself it was just getting up too fast. He didn't think much of it as he walked through the throng of people and towards that hall that he'd been shown. 
	He didn't notice the two guys that followed him in. 
	When he went down the hall and went through the door on the right into the men's room, he felt someone shove him from behind. Caught offguard, he stumbled a step before he caught his balance and spun around, glaring. Who...
	There were two guys. They weren't old. In fact they looked like they were maybe Joey's or JC's age if not just a couple years older. They were smiling at him in a funny way. One had a baseball cap on and a t-shirt that said something in German he couldn't understand. The other had on a Nike sweatshirt and crooked teeth.
	"What do you want," Justin said.
	They laughed and exchanged a look, speaking in German back and forth for a moment. Justin felt a chill of nervousness go down his spine and thought then might be a good time to leave, except the two were in front of the door.
	He took a step back but the one with the Nike sweatshirt pinned such a look on him that he froze, feeling lightheaded. 
	"You are... from that group?" the other one asked. "That new group?"
	Justin nodded, not knowing what to say. He was from a group. "Uh... Yeah." 
	"The Americans?" 
	Justin nodded again.
	Nike shoved him again. "You guys are terrible."
	"My girlfriend went to your show," the t-shirt one said. "She said you can't sing. None of you." 
	Justin blinked. He said nothing.
	"Are you stupid?" Nike persisted, stepping up to be face to face. "Hello? You do speak English, don't you, American?"
	Justin didn't answer.
	"He's stupid," said the guy in the t-shirt. "Look at his face."
	Glaring, the other shook his head, looking at Justin through narrowed eyes. "No, he's just playing stupid. Answer me. Hey." Suddenly, Nike's hand shot up and backhanded him. "Answer me, asshole!" 
	Justin was stunned. He tasted blood in his mouth. He'd never had anyone actually hit him before. All the slaps he'd ever gotten from the guys were gentle, whether they were in jest or they really meant it. They never hit hard. That had been hard. It hurt. 
	"Fag," Nike said bitterly. 
	"He's dumb," the other one answered. "Dumb fuck." He paused. "Let's show him what we do to fags."
	A chill went down Justin's spine.
	He saw next to him there were stalls and it finally occurred to him not to just stand there. He made quick steps and stumbled into one of the stalls, slamming the door shut behind him and clicking the lock just as he heard one of the two guys curse and slam their hand into the door behind him. He took a deep breath, suddenly too petrified to even think. He wanted to sit but the only option was a toilet and he was definitely not going to sit on that. 
	He looked the door up and down. It was a big door. Strong door. He felt somewhat safe behind it, even when he still saw the shadows of the two guys standing in front of his stall. 
	He swallowed, taking another deep breath. He told himself to calm down. 
	He could still taste blood. He put his fingers to his lips, in his mouth, and they came away bloody. That made him a little nervous. He was pretty sure he'd just cut his lip or gums on his teeth, but he didn't know. He had no idea what to do.
	He could hear the two outside his stall, mumbling in German, like they were waiting there for him. He wasn't going to come out. Wasn't going to do anything. He was just going to stay there. 
	He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again. Why was this happening?
	Then suddenly the lights turned off and he heard laughing. Then the bathroom door creaked open and shut. 
	They'd left him with the lights off. 
	Justin blinked in the darkness and stepped forward to put his hand up against the door so that he could have some sort of sense of where he was. 
	He didn't want to move. Not in the dark. He didn't want to move at all.
	He was too afraid that he still wasn't alone in the bathroom, and then afraid that he was. He eyes weren't really adjusting. He figured he should wait at least a few minutes just in case they were waiting right outside. 
	Justin soon lost track of time. It felt like an hour. Finally  someone came to use the bathroom and flipped the light switch on as they came in. The lights hurt his eyes at first. He'd been staring at darkness for a while. It was quite a contrast once the bulbs shined again.
	He heard someone go into the stall next to him.
	It wasn't them coming back, he told himself. They weren't coming back. He hoped. He prayed they were gone.
	He unlocked the door to his stall and stepped out quietly. The rest of the bathroom was empty. He started towards the exit.
	He was so happy to be going back towards a crowd. He was horrified of what had just happened.
	He only walked a few feet back into the people of the bar when he was grabbed. His heart pounded in his chest with fear, but then when he was spun around he saw it was Joey.
	"Joey," he breathed. He wanted to hug him. He was so happy it wasn't those other two guys.
	Joey looked furious. He gripped Justin's upper arms. "You..." he began. "Where were you? We're leaving. When we get back to the hotel, you are going to be so sorry..."
	"What?" Justin managed.
	"You don't fucking disappear like that."
	Justin looked at him stunned for a second, and then he whimpered. "Joey, I didn't..."
	"Don't. Don't even start." Joey shook him. "Where were you? We've been looking everywhere. I looked over and you were gone. Gone, Justin. What did I tell you?"
	"I didn't go anywhere. You left me," Justin replied, taking a deep breath. "To go talk to―"
	"I did not leave you. I was right there when..." Joey dropped his arm and took Justin's chin in his hand, tilting his face upwards. "Are you bleeding?"
	"Because... Because..." Justin wanted to explain. 
	"Did someone hit you?" Joey demanded, running his finger across Justin's lip. It looked cut. It was hard to tell in the lighting. But there was blood at the corner of his mouth. 
	Justin took Joey's arm. "Yeah. Yeah, but let's go."
	"What'd you do?" Joey insisted.
	"Nothing." Justin shifted his weight, and wanted to sit down.
	Joey held him steady. "Tell me."
	"In the bathroom..." Justin started carefully, trying to see if Joey was indeed angry. His heart was still pounding in his chest, and he could feel it. "In the bathroom..." He pointed behind him. 
	"I know where it is."
	"Two guys followed me. And they were like... trying to make fun of me. I didn't answer them. They didn't like us. And I just wouldn't answer. And he said. He said I was stupid. And then..." Justin wiped his nose. "Then he said I was just a dumb fuck and then he said I was a fag and he was gonna do something to me. I don't know. And I hid in the stall and they turned off all the lights and left."
	Justin took a deep breath. Joey wasn't looking at him. He was looking somewhere else.
	"Did he hit you?" Joey asked, while his eyes continued to scan the room.
	"Yes..." Justin admitted.
	"Hey, Lance," Joey said in relief, spotting his friend. "Lance, come here."
	Lance was several feet away, looking tired. He viewed the two and frowned, coming over. "You found him."
	"Yes." Joey looked Justin in the eye. "Justin. You look. Tell me who did it. If they're around." 
	Lance studied Justin. "What happened?"
	"Nothing," Joey looked at him. "Don't ask. Justin, are you looking?"
	Justin was looking. But he was almost to nervous to focus on faces. He tried to look for the Nike sweatshirt. What if...
	"There." He was by the bar. "Nike. Nike."
	"Was he the one that hit you?"
	Justin nodded. He felt scared again. The two were still there. What if they saw him. What if― 
	Joey took his arm again. "Lance," he said. "You two start leaving, alright? When you go out the door, make a right. Walk slow and I'll be there in a second. Justin, follow Lance."
	Justin watched Joey start walking towards the bar. "No..." he said softly. "What if―"
	"Let's just do what he said," Lance began. "Okay?"
	"But..."
	Joey was almost to the bar now. Lance was starting to walk. "Justin, come on. Where were you anyway?"
	Justin started to follow him, but kept his eyes on Joey. Joey had reached Nike, who was just a few feet from the bar. Joey tapped him on the shoulder.
	"Walk straight," Lance said. "Come on... We'll just wait outside."  
	Nike turned around. He looked at Joey for a moment, that same arrogant look on his face. He said something, Joey said something back. They talked for a minute, neither looking friendly. Then all of a sudden, Joey slugged him. Right in the face. The guy fell back, slipping over his own feet, nearly stumbling to the floor. Before he could regain himself, Joey was already disappearing back into the crowd.
	Justin was shocked. 
	He was also nearly at the door.
	Joey caught up to them just as they were stepping into the cold night air. He said nothing, just started to walk quickly, and Lance and Justin followed. It was a well populated street and they slipped into the crowd quite readily.
	Joey was rubbing at his knuckles. Justin watched him shakily but couldn't find the words to say anything. He tried to just keep up. Joey turned to look at him after about a block and asked, "Are you drunk?"
	Justin shook his head. "No."	
	"I hope not."
	"You hit him..." Justin said, a little in awe.
	"He hit you," was all Joey said in return, voice hard.
	"What happened?" Lance asked.
	"Two guys tried to bully Justin," Joey snapped. "That's what."
	"What?" Lance looked surprised. "When?"
	"While I was fucking attempting to hook up with Nancy." 
	"Oh."
	Joey looked mad. Justin had never seem Joey really mad. He got annoyed, he got hung-over and irritable... but never really mad. Justin turned to look at his face as they walked, noted the lines of Joey's forehead and the narrowed eyes and thin lips.
	"Dammit, Justin." Joey sighed. "Dammit."
	"Are we going to get a cab, or what?" Lance asked. 
	Justin was silent.
	"I need to walk a few minutes," Joey replied. He took a deep breath and let it out roughly. "I just need to walk this off." 
	Lance glanced at Justin, and then kept quiet, tucking his hands into his pockets. 
	"Joey..." Justin began. "Joey, I was gonna come get you..." 
	"You didn't come get me though."
	"I was waiting for them to go," Justin persisted. "In the bathroom."
	A moment of silence passed between the three of them before Justin stumbled over a newspaper on the dark sidewalk. He hadn't been looking. He had been staring at the back of Joey's head.
	"Can't you walk?" Joey said to him. "You can't hold any alcohol, can you?" 
	"I'm not drunk," Justin shot back.
	"Then what?"
	"Why are you mad at me?"
	Joey looked over at him as they continued to walk. "I'm not. It's over." 
	"All I did was go to the bathroom."
	"Right." 
	"And after all that I didn't even go," Justin muttered.
	Joey looked at him and frowned. "What? You didn't?"
	Justin shook his head.
	"You were in there that whole time and you didn't even piss?"
	"I was scared."
	"They were gone."
	"The lights were off."
	Joey frowned. "Jesus Christ. You're a real moron sometimes, you know that?"
  	Justin was quiet. 
	"Do you want to go now?" Joey sighed. 
	"I can wait." Justin murmured. The cab right there hadn't taken long. Maybe Joey would 'walk it off' quickly and they could get in a cab.
	"What'd those guys do?" Lance asked.
	Justin ran a hand through his hair. "They pushed me. And then they started saying how bad our group was. That we can't sing and how much we suck. And then he hit me and said he was going to―"
	"Look at me," Joey said. "Let me see." Joey looked at him while they walked. "Does it hurt?"
	Justin nodded and touched his lip. "Kinda." 
	"Any teeth loose?"
	"No." 
	"Did they hurt your arm?"
	Justin shook his head. 
	Joey took a deep breath. "You're such an idiot. Such a fucking idiot."
	Justin was hurt by that. His gut filled with a rush of anxiety. "I didn't even do anything..."  
	Joey frowned at him. Justin looked like he was about to cry. "I don't mean it," he said. "It's nothing. Haven't you ever been hit before?" He reached over and tousled Justin's hair. "Jesus."
	"No one's ever hit me," Justin said.
	"You should've hit back. You should have beat the shit out of him."
	Justin frowned. "You hit him."
	"It could've been your first fight. Those guys were pussies. They just wanted to get a rise out of you. Assholes. You can't just stand there." 
	"Joe, he's already got a broken arm," Lance began. "I don't think going after two punks in the bathroom would have been a smart idea."
	Joey looked at Justin, with his cast and solemn, youthful face and agreed. "Dammit."
	"I hid in the stall," Justin admitted. 
	"Justin, if I'd have been in there with you... I would've killed them. I swear to God."
	That made Justin smile. He knew Joey would have too. He smiled at Joey with a bit of respectful awe again. "I didn't know you could that."
	Joey put his fist up to Justin's nose. "Sure I can, kid. Now please." He pressed his knuckles against Justin's nose before dropping his hand to his side. "Don't tell anybody about all this drama you cause every time you step outside."
	Justin laughed. 
	"You're a bad luck charm," Lance told him. 
	They finally got a cab. Joey told which hotel to get back to. They were on their way. They were silent for a moment, but then Justin spoke, voice timid.
	"Did I ruin it again?" He knew that as much as they kid about his bad luck, they kind of meant it too?
	"Ruin what, pal?" Joey reached over and put his hand on Justin's head affectionately.
	"Your night?"
	"No." Joey moved Justin's head back and forth to shake no. "Not at all."
	"We had to go soon anyway," Lance assured. 
	"Besides... I hadn't hit anyone in a while." Joey slid his arm around Justin's shoulders. "That felt good. And I got my beer. That's all I wanted of the night."
**********