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Why won't you love me?

by Marie-Rose

Written on July11/199 at 2am

All graphic are made by me so please do not take them as they are watermarked.

 

Dear Mom and Dad:

Why won't you love me?

Why do you call me names like a dirty dish rag as a nickname?

Why do you always compare me to my twin sister?

Why do you always call me a liar?

Why didn't you come to my high school graduation?

Tell me why you hit me so much on my face dad?

So many "why?" that may never be answered.

So many "why" that cause so much pain even to this day.

Will you ever love me just as I am and be proud of me?

 

Every night as a child I would knee down and pray so that

I could be forgiven for my sins and so that my parents would love me and help me to be good.

Still the next day was the same and I tried to be a good girl.

I would get up very early and go fetch the cows for milking without being called to wake up.

I would clean the weeds from the garden without being asked.

What could I do for my parents to love me and be proud of me?

I tried to be a good girl however in their eyes I never was and still am not.

I am still being compared to my twin sister

when I tell you about my  accomplishment.

I have been given plaque every year when I went back to school

Why are you not proud of me?

I do not know how to reach your hearts or even talk to you because you judge me.

If I phone my mother she does not ask how I am but tells me how everyone else in the family is.

I feel so unimportant and so unloved by you.

 I feel it is a duty for  me to go see each other.

 

Why dad do you seem to think you are better than us?

And that you are so perfect

It is because of you that I suffer with chronic pain in my jaw from being hit so much as a child

You have cause so much pain and still suffer the pain from your angered hand

Other people say that I live in my past and can't get beyond feeling like a victim however how can I forget?

How can I forget my past when I suffer the pain every day and I am being reminded of your angered hand?

I would love to be able to say I love you Dad however I am torn between love and hate and anger because of the pain I feel.

 

Mom why do you always want to compare your weight with mine when we are built so very differently?

And why do you hurt my feeling by saying I am fat?

I would like to spend more time with you mom and become close to you however it is impossible because I do not feel like I belong.

Oh why? Oh why? does it hurt so much?

Will there be a time when we can truly get to know each other?

I feel an empty space in my heart and want to spend time with you but you always manage to hurt my feeling and then I feel like the little girl again.

Why oh why can't you accept me just as I am?

If tomorrow never comes am I going to be judged and condemned for not spending time with my parents?

And I being punished for being bad through chronic illness?

Oh God I have tried and don't know the answers

Please guide me in the right path

I feel so lost God and do not know what to do.

What am I being punished for?

Have I been loving and kind to all mankind?

Have I given freely and totally to the best of my abilities?

What can I do to feel loved and happiness?

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