Why won't you love me?
© by Marie-Rose
Written on July11/199 at 2am
All graphic are made by me so please do not take them as they
Dear Mom and Dad:
Why won't you love me?
Why do you call me names like a dirty dish rag
as a nickname?
Why do you always compare me to my twin
Why do you always call me a liar?
Why didn't you come to my high school
Tell me why you hit me so much on my face dad?
So many "why?" that may never be
So many "why" that cause so much
pain even to this day.
Will you ever love me just as I am and be
proud of me?
Every night as a child I would knee down and
pray so that
I could be forgiven for my sins and so that my
parents would love me and help me to be good.
Still the next day was the same and I tried to
be a good girl.
I would get up very early and go fetch the
cows for milking without being called to wake up.
I would clean the weeds from the garden without being asked.
What could I do for my parents to love me and
be proud of me?
I tried to be a good girl however in their
eyes I never was and still am not.
I am still being compared to my twin sister
when I tell you about my accomplishment.
I have been given plaque every year when I
went back to school
Why are you not proud of me?
I do not know how to reach your hearts or
even talk to you because you judge me.
If I phone my mother she does not ask how I am
but tells me how everyone else in the family is.
I feel so unimportant and so unloved by you.
I feel it is a duty for me to go see each
Why dad do you seem to think you are
better than us?
And that you are so perfect
It is because of you that I suffer with
chronic pain in my jaw from being hit so much as a child
You have cause so much pain and still suffer
the pain from your angered hand
Other people say that I live in my past and can't
get beyond feeling like a victim however how can I forget?
How can I forget my past when I suffer the
pain every day and I am being reminded of your angered hand?
I would love to be able to say I love you
Dad however I am torn between love and hate and anger because of the pain I
Mom why do you always want to compare your
weight with mine when we are built so very differently?
And why do you hurt my feeling by saying I am
I would like to spend more time with you mom
and become close to you however it is impossible because I do not
feel like I belong.
Oh why? Oh why? does it hurt so much?
Will there be a time when we can truly get to
know each other?
I feel an empty space in my heart and want to
spend time with you but you always manage to hurt my feeling and
then I feel like the little girl again.
Why oh why can't you accept me just as I am?
If tomorrow never comes am I going to be
judged and condemned for not spending time with my parents?
And I being punished for being bad through
Oh God I have tried and don't know the answers
Please guide me in the right path
I feel so lost God and do not know what to do.
What am I being punished for?
Have I been loving and kind to all mankind?
Have I given freely and totally to the best of
What can I do to feel loved and happiness?