MR. T vs. VINCE MCMAHON
NARRATOR: Arh'm Jim Ross! And we're back at "Mr. T. Versus..." and tonight's vict-- er, opponent, is my boss (unfortunately), Mr. Vince McMahon! Now Arh wanna remind everybody with a little disclaimer. Mr. T belongs to his damn self. Blair's from ABC. And Mr. McMahon and mahself appears courtesy of the WWE. Now, ain't nobody gettin' paid for all this, this is a site just to entertain people, and by God, that's what we're gonna do. Now, with all of that outta the way...
NARRATOR: We now join Mr. McMahon's speech in progress...
VINCE: In the interest of fairness, it's time for me to buy a summer condo for myself. But, I'm a billionaire, so I'm gonna build one.
VINCE: I'm talking, do you mind?
VINCE: And I'm gonna build it over some orphanages.
VINCE: And I don't give a damn who owns the property...
VINCE: I can do whatever I want.
NARRATOR: And Arh thought that damn Manning was evil... but by God, he's Satan himself.
VINCE: I hate that word.
VINCE: That's enough!
VINCE: DAMMIT, STOP IT!
VINCE: That did it! I'm gonna raze the orphanages, take over all your neighborhoods, and burn all every damn last one of you people to the grounds! I'M VINCE McMAHON, DAMMIT!
NARRATOR: Now Mr. T is watching this on the television, when he gets a call from an old friend.
BLAIR: Did you see what Vince McMahon did?!
MR. T: I heard that sucka talkin' his jibba jabba about how he's gonna raze the orphanages and burn people!
BLAIR: What are you gonna do?
MR. T: Ms. Cramer, it's plain and simple! That McMahon fool's goin' down! You don't mess with the orphans! Where's that sucka goin'?
BLAIR: The WWE's coming to Llanview tonight.
MR. T: That's all I needed. I'm comin' back to Llanview, Pennsylvania! Your no-good ex-husband got it, and now it's fitna be that McMahon sucka's turn!
BLAIR: But how are you going to get here in time? You're in Los Angeles, and the show starts in Pennsylvania in two hours!
MR. T: My van is fast, ma'am!
NARRATOR: And like he has done so many times, Mr. T., keeper of the peace, has gone off to defend the world against the forces of evil.
NARRATOR: At the Arena...
VINCE: Booker, I've heard that Mr. T is coming to the arena.
BOOKER T: That sucka ain't no match for the Book!
NARRATOR: The 1982 Custom GMC van has arrived! And business is about to pick up.
NARRATOR: Vince and Booker T. have gone out to "greet" Mr. T.
BOOKER T: Yo, listen up, old man! Get out here! Feel the Power of Vinnie Mac and the Book!
VINCE: I'm not waiting all night, dammit!
KID ROCK (in song): She's Got Legs/ She Knows how to use them...
NARRATOR: That's Stacy Keibler's Music! But that ain't Stacy in that van! It's Blair Cramer!
NARRATOR: And she's-- whoa, Hello!
BLAIR: Hello, boys.
NARRATOR: Mah God, it just don't feel right without someone babbling about "puppies".
VINCE: Take it off! Take it all off!
BOOKER T: Vince! That's the she-wolf that old fossil Asa was warnin' you about, man!
(Someone clears their throat. Booker T. and Vince turn around and see...)
NARRATOR: Now, there's the story. He was behind them the whole time.
MR. T: Lookin' for me, fools?
BLAIR: Gotcha. SUCKA!
BOOKER T: She didn't say that. Tell me she did not just say that.
MR. T: Who you supposed to be?
BOOKER T: I'm Booker T, sucka...
NARRATOR: That's all the situation took. The five-time WCW Champion said that one sentence... and Mr. T. has heard enough.
MR. T: You tryin' to perpetrate on Mr. T? You stealin' my name?! You usin' my lines?! Nobody steals from me, sucka!
MR. T: You just got yourself thrown, fool!
VINCE: Now that is helluvatough. (gulps) Mr. T, are you sorry for throwing my most loyal WWE Superstar?
MR. T: McMahon, are you sorry for tryin' to burn down the orphanages and tryin' to make many people homeless?
MR. T: Neither am I, sucka.
NARRATOR: And Mr. T throws the owner of the WWE!
BLAIR: Vince, say Hi to Todd for me. Tell him I love him-- NOT!
BOOKER: That Mr. T is helluvatough!
TODD: He's gonna pay for this.
VINCE: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT! I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS, MR. T! I'M VINCE McMAHON DAMMIT!
VINCE: SHUT UP!
BLAIR: Now that the day is saved, how about we kick back some drinks?
MR. T: Ms. Cramer, that's cool. But you know, I only drink nutritious things. Water, juice, and my all-time favorite... milk.
NARRATOR: So Blair and Mr. T. drank milk all night.
NARRATOR: And once again, another day has been saved and the forces of evil are once again quieted thanks to one of the greatest heroes of all time: MR. T!
MR. T: For that JR fool, this has been "Mr. T. Versus Vince McMahon". I'm Mr. T. and I pity the fool that messes with the power of good! Goodnight.
NARRATOR: Goodnight, boys and girls.
Build your own Mr. T. Versus Page, sucka!