You To Very Whack Head Dream

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In the beginning

It has become clear that occasionally I will have a gem of a dream that rivals few others. On this page I am posting those dreams that have 'made the cut'; with content whack and crazy enough to warrant sharing. Even with very excellent and copyright worthy accompanying sketches, it is still difficult to convey these dreams as I remember, but I will try. This page has also been narrowly approved by Gillian. A stipulation to this approval is that this web address is never to be distributed to anyone in Gillian's family.

'Jehovah Witness at the door'

I had this dream during the trip (drove) out to California. I think the sketch represents the content of that dream quite well. Apparently some folks came by, attempting to convince me to join their religion. In the dream, I made short work of one of those religion dealers. Unfortunately for that guy, the bible isn't a very good shield when somebody is swinging a 2x4 bat at you. In the original dream I was wearing a 'POLICE' shirt, prolly cause I had been wearing one. When I was a kid, my family (except my dad) were all Jehovah witness program. My dad was pretty pissed about all this. One day we came home from church and found dad giving all our church books a nice bath in the tub. Gillian says she does not like this dream because "it's disturbing".

'Sumo genital smash'

Ok, so I can't draw too good. These two guys are supposed to be real sumo wrestlers but they don't wear the diaper pants. The fight seems quite like boxing in the beginning. Two sumo dudes in the corners of the ring until the bell sounds-then they go at it. The sumo dudes grab and reach at the other one, trying to shove each other in an 'undesirable' position. The end goal of the fight is to tear off the other one's genitals. After the genital removal, the genitals must be thrown at the mat as hard as one can, so that a loud 'plack!' sound is made upon impact. Have a nice day!

'War of laser-eye gumby dudes and deep fried chicken thighs with crawdad pinchers'

This is actually a combination of two dreams that I had. One dream was of the lazer-beam-from-eyeball gumby dudes. These guys were green and had no arms. They were tromping around like a Godzilla movie burning and lazering any shit they could find. The other dream was of these crispy brown critters with crawdad pinchers. The crawdad pincher guys were actually deep-fried chicken thighs with pinchers and legs. But I don't remember them actually doing anything, so I thought they might as well go pinch the shit out of the gumby guys since they don't have anything better to do.

'Batman and wonder-woman'

Here's an example of my drawing not looking anything like the actual dream. First of all, that ain't 'hook-lady', it's wonder-woman signaling batman to come closer. and that ain't Batman like you're thinking. It aint' no Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer pansy rich dude in a suit with a six-pack drawn on it. That is actually a real friggin bat, the size of of dude standing on his back legs. If you look at the drawing and imagine him with an actual bat's head, you get close. The story goes like this: wonder woman signals over to the bat guy because she knows he's horney. When he gets in close enough, wonder-woman pulls a move-sumo genital smash style. She rips off his nards and dingy, dances around and then chucks them on the ground with wonder-woman force so that they practically explode upon impact, with a reverberating 'plack...splat' Nice lady, eh?

'Welcome to SHIT-LAND'

This was one of those dreams where I wake up and say "what the holy mary mother was that?Ē this dream takes place in one of those places you take kids to play games and shit like SHOWBIZ or CHUCKY-CHEESE. At those places they always got a guy in a costume pretending do be a bear or a giant rat. then he comes around and sings some song about putting more quarters into the token machine so you can win a 50-cent red rubber block for fifty bucks in tokens. So in the dream i'm back-stage with the costume dude. Except the costume dude is really a roll of shit-paper with a toilet lid for a head. In first part of the dream, the shit-man pulls on a diaper up over his toilet roll to go do his dance workout at the kid's place. Then (apparently the next day or shift), shit-man forgets to bring his diapers to work. So out of the curtain he comes out dancing with a music playing in the background. He dances around and does these mini-dances next to each of the tables where the kids are having birthdays or some crap. But since he ain't wearing his diaper, every time he dances in place, some chunks of shit fall out of the toilet roll and onto the floor. So now there's a trail of shit chunks behind this guy like Hansel and Gretel in the forest with their bread crumbs. But the kids don't know anything and they think that he's dropping candy for them on the floor. Of course, some kid picks up a shit chunk and jams it in his mouth. I would have loved to see the look on that kid's face when he figured out what it was, but that's where the dream ended.

'Mark is stupur'

So this dream takes place back when I was in college although I had it recently. the story goes like it is graduation day, but I don't think it was my graduation. I guess it could have been, because I didn't go to mine anyways. so Iím looking through my closet for 'appropriate' clothes to wear. There seems to be only one t-shirt (the only kind of shirt of course) and it has a photo of some dudes head with a grumping grimace on his face. the shirt says 'MARK IS STUPUR' in large bold letters, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. there was also a bit on the shirt about learning to speak english. it said 'WE LEARNED SOME ENGLISH FIRST'. First? first before what you moron? maybe that's why it said mark is stupur. mark is so stupur he made this stupid fucking shirt.

'Zombie cow pizza'

This well-know professor guy had me give him a ride from the airport to kurt's lab. He only had once piece of baggage and it was something wrapped up in a tarp that smelled kinda tastey. after i put this thing in kurtz's lab i took off the tarp and in there was a whole black with white spots dehydrated zombie cow! And the kicker was it was laying on an eight foot slice of pizza! This professor guy had two "assistants" with him. a lady and an asian dude. they were both big and beefy and very healthy. i speculated that their good heath somehow came from them possessing that fucking dehydrated cow. Once i mentioned a 'what if' to the professor. like what if the dehydrated cow accidentally lost one of its' toes in transit or something and the professor led me to believe that the cow would be very pissed off at me so i should make sure that this would never ever happen. the professor was accredited for his innovative discoveries in warding off killer bee attacks on children. he found that killer be attacks would be greatly reduced if toys were made of solid wax rather than toys made of honeycomb.

'Breakfast of champions'

I had this dream while attending the university of iowa. Apparently i was walking across campus to get to class. In one hand i had a jelly doughnut, and in the other was a quart of milwakee's best (my favorite brew back in college). While waiting at the crosswalk for some cars, a buisiness man in a suit came up to me and told me that he wished all of the people could be as cool as me. Now in real life (at some later point) after working the 3rd shift i lived out my dream. on my way to school i picked up a jelly doughnut and a quart of M's Best and headed out. I walked past the same crosswalk as in my dream, but i didn't saw nobody in a suit..

'Apples of stickers'

Ever bite into an apple and find one of those stickers on it? You know, those stickers that say what kind of apple it is so the check-out person can figure out which 15-digit combination to type into the cash machine. I'll bet the grocery industry could save a bundle by charging the same price for any kind of apple. then there could be a key on the cash machine with just a picture of an apple on it. This apple in my dream was like that, only it had about 1000 damn stickers on it. Apparently my subconscious is really tired of seeing me peel off those stickers every time I eat an apple.

'Revenge of GALACTICUS'

In this dream I start out inside a building with a bunch of other dudes looking out the window; and what do we see outside? What else but a 100-ft tall pissed-off robot man with horns heading our way. The robot man's name is GALACTICUS and he comes into town crushing all the people like ants. He steps on the houses and chases the people down for a good squashing. The sight of GALACTICUS doesnít seem to bother anyone, like a 100 ft robot is commonplace. But nobody seems to know why he is so pissed off. After he squishes seemingly everyone in the town (apparently I survived) he pulls up in an 18-wheeler flatbed semi truck (but the truck is GALACTICUS sized). Then he proceeds to pile onto the back of the truck an entire BBQ set (one of those 50 gallon barrel type grills) and all that other grilling shit. Then he drives away, apparently satisfied with having squashed everyone in town and taking back his BBQ set that us tiny people stole from him. So my questions are:

1. What would us tiny people want with a grill the size of a silo?
2. What does GALACTICUS want with it, he's a fucking robot. When was the last time you seen a robot eating a hot dog?

'Dance For The Devil'

The plot goes like this: There's a poor little boy in the center of a giant circle of other people who are dancing. Also present is a pretty pleased looking demon-guy. I don't think anyone spoke, but the idea was that i needed to out-dance every one in the circle, otherwise the boy's soul would belong to the demon. Judging by the way i dance when i'm awake, i'm sure that kid went straight to hell.


In this dream I was interviewing for a job at a animal testing lab. Once I visited a place like that; stunk like beagles (dogs). Click on the picture and read the captions to find out the story on this one, i can't make this shit up.

'Quality Time with Osama'

I'm put in a room with Osama Bin Laden to build a nuclear reactor because I am the smartest person in Ireland (never been there) and Osama (never met him either) apparently has some experience in the task. Osama shows up and he has a real nice dirt bike that turns out to be a chainsaw that you sit on. No wheels, just the saw part riding on the ground. Osama shows me how to get gas for the saw-mobile: over the hill is a giant sewar treatment type bowl filled to the brim with gasoline. But as soon as you take some gas from the bowl, the alarm sounds and then you gotta hide in the trees until the guards show up to check out the alarm. Eventually the guards leave and you got your gas.

'You got any snakes over there?'

Apparently in Texas, while eating maple syrup on Texas Toast (of course), they got a lot of snakes. So when you ask 'You got any snakes over there?' you might hear the following responses:
1. We got so many snakes they make garbage can liners out of 'em.
2. We got so many snakes they use them for cooking- like aluminum foil to keep casseroles from sticking to the pan.

Created: 30July05
Last updated: 14Nov08
Copyright 2005, Greg Miller