These represent observations and insights from Paul Horvick, from 40+ years of on-the-lanes experience. Of course, they are for humor, but there is truth in them as well!
1. Never bowl a match with someone that says that they can beat you using your equipment on the lanes of your choice.
2. Splits always come in crucial frames, and never one at a time.
3. The secret to tournament bowling is not how high your best game is, but how high your worst game is.
4. The first time you use your new ball that was designed to "go longer and hit harder" will hook instantly and roll out.
5. By the time your teammate says, "Watch out, someone spilled a drink...", it is too late.
6. If you shoot a 300 in a house that is considered "hard", some people will congratulate you, but most will want to know what ball you used, where you got it, what it cost, and how is it drilled.
7. If you shoot a 300 in a house that is considered "easy", some people will congratulate you, but most will think that this easy scoring has gotten out of control if YOU can get 300.
8. If you start a league session with two good games and then look at the standings sheet to see what score you need to take over high series, you will shoot 143 your next game.
9. If you have been carrying well and tell your opposition how good the carry is at this house, you will not get a double for the remainder of your session.
10. The person you least worry about usually wins.
11. The PBA is full of players that can't average 210 at your house.
12. If you want to join the PBA but can't average 225+ at your home house, you are indeed a dreamer.
13. You will always strike out when it is meaningless.
14. If you see someone leave a 5-7-10 and laugh, you too will leave one within ten minutes.
15. Color coordinating your ball and shirt adds 10 pins to your average.
16. If you do not strike on your first frame in league, you no longer can set a new record for high three game series. If you do strike, you now are tied with the "best start ever" by any player (record is shared by many).
17. Everyone else gets too much handicap.
18. Everyone else is lucky.
19. The new ball you purchased on the recommendation of your teammate will never work.
20. The more expensive the ball, the more disgusted you get when you don't shoot well.
21. If your doubles partner shoots the best series of their life, you won't.
22. Your opponents always get to bowl on the easy lanes; you always get the hardest pair in the house.
23. Never say, "Oh, well, it could be worse."
24. 465 shot in a tough house is still 465.
25. Beware of bowlers that want a money match if they start the conversation by telling you how sick they have been.
26. If a player comes in with sixteen balls, you will beat them.
27. The 3-6-9 system for spare shooting never works outside your home house.
28. Never bowl mixed doubles with your spouse.
P.S. Those highlighted in yellow are the ones I fully agree. Haha =)
Background music is from FFIX - Loss of me
