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All night long
Hateful
Wakefulness picks at my subconscious
As an insult does
Shoving sleep
Rudely
Out of the bed.
I watch
You
Swaddled in slumber
Raven head
On mint sheets
Candle light dancing shadows
Over your finely chiseled features.
I worship
At the sacristy of
Your maleness
Profoundly silent
Afraid to breathe too hard
And disturb the precious tableau
Before me.
This is the last night you will sleep in my bed.
I know you for a liar, now
And there is no longer
Any place for you in my life
Even if it breaks my heart.
Already
I feel the vast emptiness
The space next to me
Will bring tomorrow.
My heart is leaden
Heavy
Throbbing hard with each beat
As I try to crystallize
In my visions' memory
Every aspect
Of your beautiful face and body.
I clutch at the minutes
With raw fingers
Entreating them to linger
Just stay a while longer
And visit with me
Pleading with moments
To be
Merciful
And just stay
A little bit longer.
Sadly I watch as
Time skips away, laughing over its' shoulder
Repulsed by my clinging
Too anxious to be about its' business.
Dawn is a stealthy voyeur
At my window.
I attempt willing it away
To no avail.
It comes
Steely and relentless
Determined to take you
From me
Just as that sly bitch
Dishonesty has.
(Last night,
Smiling too brightly
Nonchalant
I denied what is in my heart.
Feigning indifference
Pretending
I do not want you
The way I do
Thespianesque
Soul bruised
Trying to be
A Modern Woman
New Millennium Babe
Who needs no one
All that much…
Who would be more bothered by
Missing a sale at Macys'
Than your absence.
"You are not the only man in the world", I lie
Flippant and contemporary,
very HBO )
I have little aptitude for such farce,
Still I strive to make The Bard proud.
My lip did not quiver
And you took the shine in my eyes
For flirting
Instead of the tears
That threatened
To expose me.
Ruthless in its' attack
Light fills the room
A diffuse halo
Outlining your form.
You stirred,
Murmuring.
It is too late
Too late.
I am out of Time.
Now I must be the sweet vixen
Indifferent
Laughing and light-hearted
Now I must chameleon myself
From your Lover
Unwillingly morphing back into
Before You.
Hunger gnawing within
Ravenous for the chance
For truth
For romance
Hearts' grief razor sharp
Carving a deep arc
At acknowledging
I will never be to you
What I have in me
To be.
I watch you dress
My resolve unraveling.
You are so beautiful
That my eyes hurt
Hurt
Just seeing you.
In a few minutes
This place and I will be
Void of you,
Of your coffee eyes
Your inebriating nearness
Of your exotic terrain.
I inhale deeply
Struggling to capture
Just a little more of
Your man-smell.
I look at the lamp you knocked over
Last night
As we made love til
We were shivering and breathless
And I smile
With my chest squeezing
Recalling our laughter
As your fist raised in self-congratulatory victory
At making me come so hard
And taking out the furniture as well.
I will miss
Who I thought you were
My love
For a very
Very long time.
I have no words to say
How sorry I am
Not to be
What you want.
But then,
No
woman
can.
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