I started testosterone just under a week ago. the pic above was taken about 4 hours after i got my first shot. don't i look cocky?
Voice Clip November 20, 2005 (3 months)
I'm on a low dose of delatestryl; .25ml every two weeks because my cholesterol levels are a bit high. i'm not worried though. i'm just glad my doctor agreed to give it to me and i'm on my way to becoming the guy i was always meant to be.
i'm not nearly as anxious as i was before T, nor as angry. i feel like i'm closer to being complete. i feel like i have something to keep me going, even through the worst of it all. i haven't noticed any changes yet, but i don't expect to for quite some time because i'm on such a low dose.
4 1/2 weeks September 11, 2005
Not many changes. i'm feeling very confident and i'm more assertive. there's been some clit growth. i'm growing a micro-penis! my armpit hair is darker and longer. my leg hair is growing, but not getting much darker. i get my fifth shot this wednesday. some people say my voice is different, but i don't notice it.
Some random thoughts
I don't understand why i feel like i'm leaving something behind when all my life this is what i've wanted. to be a man. that's all i've ever hoped for since i can remember. i feel like this is an end of an era for me.
the queer women's community has been a big part of my life since i was 14 years old. i'm now 25. i feel that since i'm transitioning, i won't be a part of that community anymore. i don't want to forget my roots. i don't want to forget who i was before i got to where i am now. lets face it, without the TG stonebutches, there wouldn't be a place for people like me. i just wish there was a happy medium, where i could be myself and still be a part of the women's community without compromising my male identity.
6weeks September 25, 2005
A few changes. I'm starting to get a happy trail. it's barely noticable, but theres some dark hair that defiantely wasn't there before. also, my clit is getting BIG. it was really small before T, but not it's a monster. i call it Clitzilla. Ok, it's not that huge but it's definately noticeable. i'm not sure if i'm going to post pictures of it though.
the peach fuzz on my face is getting a little thicker and it's starting to grow faster. i have to shave it off every 2 days now. Some guys don't like shaving but i fucking love it. I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon though!
Today a woman that works at the bingo hall i go to used male pronouns when referring to me. It meant a lot to me. I'm out now pretty much to everyone except for a select few at school. But, that should be changing soon. I'm starting a trans coming out group soon, in October. I'm really excited about it. Hopefully I'll make some more new friends.
I'm becoming more health concious. I'm overweight. You couldn't tell from the photos but I am. I don't eat well at all. In fact, anything fatty or bad for me in anyway is the way to my heart. I especially love salt and carbs. I've slowly been cutting out salt, i've only had 2 salt packages since last friday. (as i write this it's sunday)
My doctor was mistaken on how high my cholesterol levels are and how much T i should be taking at first. .25ml is an extremely low dose. I've been getting my shots every week now for a little while. I'm thinking of changing my brand of testosterone from Delatestryl to Depo testosterone. Depo is much cheaper but the Delatestryl some say doesn't cause as much acne. I haven't gotten any acne so far, thank goodness.
November 15, 2005
I've started the trans group. It's great. I leave each week feeling this sense of peace within myself, it just adds to my new found confidence in my self. Everyone is great. It's great getting to know new people, especially trans people.
I had this epiphany the other night after i injected myself. It actually felt real for the first time, all the changes I mean. I guess I've wanted this for so long it didn't really feel like it was happening at first. I feel like I'm finally on my way to where I want to be.
I'm going to visit my father over the holidays. I'm quite excited about this, becuase I'm probably going to come out to him completely. I've told him that I had some gender issues a few months back, in the beginning of the summer, but i didn't tell him that I know that I'm trans. We've talked on the phone since I started hormones, but not after my voice dropped. I think he'll be ok with it. When I came out to him as a dyke, it wasn't even an issue with him. He kind of has the "you're gay, so what?" attitude. He's a really amazing guy. I'm proud to call him my father.
I want to get my name changed, but I really don't have the money to do it. I know that there's ways around having to pay for it, but you still have to pay for the fingerprints. I need a job, asap so I can pay for all of this and live my life the way I need to, as myself.
It's almost 5 months since i started T. I'm noticing a lot of changes in my voice and my body hair. I have a lot of hair on the back of my legs, which i noticed last night. i've also noticed that i'm starting to get some small hairs on my chest and around my breasts. Ew, hairy breasts. Not so sexy. Well, hopefully they'll be gone soon. I think I want to do a consultation with Dr. Fisher in the DC area. I haven't really noticed any changes in my facial features since I started taking T. I think that's probably because my face is chubby. I want to lose some weight and start working out.
Voice Clip December 14th, 2005. (4 months)
