Shopping with Sean fantasy

In the last story, Sean met Kathy Burke - in full costume as Linda from Gimme Gimme - outside the totp studios but Nicky didn’t ‘cos he was inside doing his makeup. They never actually played totp for Masses as it turned out, but I read later that Nicky had met Kathy whilst he was putting his makeup on, and she was dressed as Perry. None of this story was based on truth either but you can dream!!

She was really bored with her sad life, the only thing she looked forward to was the music papers every week and then, she was sick of reading how debauched they all thought they were. Like they were any different from any other band. No-one seemed to be saying anything anymore.

One morning, the post arrived, a reason to get out of bed, she thought. There was an envelope with a typewritten address, marked important. She didn’t think so, and opened it last.

Once the shock had worn off, she read it again. “You have been chosen to go on a shopping trip with a member of your favourite band. We hope to hear from you soon” Odd, she’d never entered any competition. Then, she remembered her penpal saying something like “you’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done, but you’ll thank me afterwards”

So she picked up a pen and wrote on the letter “I’m not going unless it’s Sean from the Manics”. No chance, she thought.

Back in his living room sean received a fax, much to his annoyance. But it was a reason to get out of bed. I mean off the sofa where he fell asleep last night. He tore it off and read it.

“You have been chosen by a fan for their competition prize of a shopping trip to the UK’s largest indoor shopping complex. You will, if you partake of the offer, have full access to the whole complex, out of shop hours, in private, and may take anything you wish free of charge. All we require from you is a short statement on the enjoyable time you had as our guest and a photo for our promotional use. Sign here”

Sean couldn’t find a pen that worked. Kicking over last night’s empty cans, realising it was midday, and he should be in the studio. The phone switched off, another fax arrived from Nicky: “Sean - Studio - Now”

It wasn’t signed. Sean found a pen down the back of the settee and signed his name on the first and second fax, adding on the second one “I’m coming ok!” And faxed them back.

She forgot about it, he forgot about it, until one day, a few months later, she got another letter, he had another fax, with details of where and when.

Sean’s eyes lit up. They had an Ikea there. He hadn’t been in his local one since he got followed round that time. She opened the envelope shakily. “Shit”

She wasn’t going. No way. She stuffed the letter under the bed. Sean was already planning what he’d wear. She wrote a letter to her penpal “I’m not going, I can’t face it” Her penpal got a pen and started writing to Sean, copying out the relevant bits... A short while later, the week before the event, Sean opened another fan letter, and read the words “she says she won’t go. It’s not that she doesn’t want to go, but I entered the competition for her, and I feel really bad”

But Sean really wanted to go. His heart sank. He’d ironed an outfit especially. Sean noticed an email number on the letter. He went to his computer.

“Please give your friend this message. We don’t even have to speak to eachother. I remember what it was like, being a fan, before I met my heroes. Look, I just want to go to Ikea” (then he gave a list of other shops, if there was time) He ended it with, “Please tell her to think about it?”

Her friend stared in horror at her computer screen. And printed it out, and put it in an envelope and posted it. That was that, then.
The day came, a car pulled up and she got in. Sean left a note for the others, and left the studio... “Gone shopping”. A car pulled up and he got in. As they pulled onto the motorway, he couldn’t help but smile. He tried anything not to, but it was no use.

She felt sick. But she felt too bad not to go. She watched the road signs. They were getting nearer. And there it was. They glided effortlessly into the empty car park and she got out. There was another car across the other side of the car park. “Just wait there” said the driver. He went over and came back. “Sean of the Manics is already inside. He’s only been in for 10 minutes, here’s a map”. A map? “He’s in Ikea, should be there for a while - the entrance is over there - see you here in a few hours”.

She walked over to the door. The doorman put a pass on her, VISITOR, and she walked in. She located Ikea on the map and reluctantly stepped on an escalator. Up 2 more and there it was. She stood staring at it for what seemed like an eternity. Shit.

She couldn’t move. Finally she went up to the door and looked in. She couldn’t see anyone. That floor was deserted. Obviously he’d already looked round here and was further in the store.

Into another huge room, full of overpriced goods, she sat down on a sofa. There was an empty chewing gum wrapper on the table. He was here. She unwrapped a sweet. A cleaner came past and picked up the wrapper. “He’s over there, love, looking at storage systems”. She got up and walked over as slowly as possible.

“Sean?” He turned round. “I thought you weren’t coming” ... “It just seems a bit daft” she said. “I only wanted to come here, so I could look in peace” he said. “Last year, I was stalked!” ... “I know, I read about it on teletext”

She looked around. “It’s not my kind of thing. I’ll go look somewhere else”. He asked where. She looked at the map and pointed to a more conventional department store. “See you there, then” he said, as she walked off. Back down the escalators.

On the way back down, a music shop caught her eye. There was a drumkit in the window. She ran back up the escalator and into the shop. Her heart was beating really quick. It was smaller than Sean’s, one of those beginner’s ones. And there were no drumsticks. Oh well. She left the shop and went back to the ground floor.

It was strange to go into a shop with no people. Almost spooky. Everyone probably thought she was having a wonderful time. All they were interested in was Sean, anyway, not her. She had just been used as a pawn in a marketing campaign? She remembered, vaguely, the letter.

“Surely you respect the rare opportunity we have given you, we are sure you appreciate how unique an opportunity this is to meet your hero”.

They just wanted his photo on their adverts. And he hadn’t even come ‘cos he gave a damn about their precious shopping complex. And none of these clothes fit her anyway. She went up to the “Larger and petite” section. Like she was some kind of freak. Horrible, snobby clothes they were too. She preferred her catalogues. She decided to look at the men’s clothes, usually nicer. She might get a nice jumper out of it.

Then she looked up and saw Sean walk in. “I’ve just been in the music shop - no drumsticks! I’d just worked out this beat in my head for the new album - I could’ve played it to you” ... He said what?

“They’re just using us for publicity” she replied. “I know, I’m expected to write a statement, saying how much I enjoyed my trip”. She shook her head. Then he gave her a look. She was clutching a jumper. “What?” Then she realised. “Oh, the women’s clothes are shit” she said. “I’d better get Rhian something” he said, going off to lingerie. He was so much nicer than they made out in the Melody Maker and NME. He was just like everyone else, really. Yes, she’d have this jumper.

She looked at a few other things, horrible adidas, obviously Sean was above that now, and wandered into lingerie. No Sean. Then she heard a noise, the changing room door closing. But this was lingerie, why would he... Why had Sean just gone into the changing room?

She walked out of the shop and stood outside, clutching her jumper. An eternity seemed to pass. Then he appeared. The doorman was watching them. Then he came over. “Could I have your autograph?” Sean signed it. But he noticed the uneasy look on her face. “Don’t worry. People come up all the time” When he was out of earshot, she said “what were you doing in there?”

Bearing in mind the last story I wrote had some truth in it maybe I shouldn’t write the next bit. And it was written before I read the new book by Nicky’s ex where he was eyeing up the lacy knickers. Honest.

“What do you mean?” ... “I saw you go in the changing room”. Oh God, he thought. “I know it sounds silly, but, all those times Nick would tell me how nice it feels to wear... Well, I just wanted to see what he meant”

“Oh” she said. “I’m sorry if I shocked you” he said “I’ve never done it before”. She didn’t know what to say. “It’s just, a shock, that’s all” she said.

“Shall we go then?” He suggested. “I chose some nice shelving in Ikea” he said. “And...” He frowned “Oh dear”. What on earth was wrong? “I’ve still got them on”.

The doorman eyed them suspiciously. “But they’ll notice they’re missing - the coathanger?” ... “Is still in the changing room” finished Sean. She would have expected, even been prepared, for this, if it had been Nicky. It would have been dresses, the lot. “Look, just stay calm. We’ll tell them I chose the... What are they?!” ... “Satin shorts” he added. “Right, I chose them. Take this jumper, let’s get the hell out of here”.

Outside, whilst Sean’s shelving was being loaded into the car, they said their goodbyes. Once out of the doorman’s sight, he gave her the jumper back. “Nice taste in clothes” he said, tongue in cheek. “You can talk” she said, as he walked back to his car, and she watched with a bemused look.

Not long after, details of his shopping trip emerged in the press.

Sean, premier Manics consumer, spent his time in Ikea and also chose a jumper from the large range in your favourite department store. His fan, winner of the competition to meet your hero at our wonderful shopping complex, chose something special from the lingerie department. Sean was quoted as saying: “an enjoyable time was had by all. I enjoyed trying on clothing in the spacious changing rooms. I really enjoyed my purchase and still wear it to this day”.

He was taking the piss. Wasn’t he? Then, she looked at the accompanying photo of Sean smiling sweetly - if only they knew...