Easter: Uncovered
A new survey conducted by the ‘Church of the Little Baby Jesus’s Sacred
Leaflet Harrassers’ reveals shocking evidence concerning the general public’s
inexcusable ignorance over the facts of Easter. Some folks thought Jesus was
some sort of Wererabbit who floated down to earth inside a Cadbury’s
‘Miniature Heroes’ Easter egg. He then popped out and discerned how good the
observing masses were by ‘testing’ them with his fluffy pink x-ray vision. The
evil-doers were given ‘Divine Lupus’ and died a horrible death spouting gunk
from their dodgy noses, while and the goody-two shoes were doth bestowed with
miniature versions of all their chocolate favourites....
But what about LaToya?...
LaToya Jackson’s manufacturers are auctioning off her bits for charity.
Michael’s erstwhile sister was created in 1980 from elastic bands, goat heads,
leather boots, old Atari consoles, and leftovers from plastic surgury mishaps
such as Cher, Joan Rivers, and Lola Ferrarri. Rumours have it that Michael is
to pay top dollar to retrieve all the psychic bits from his pseudo-sister and
will take great delight in feeding them to his favourite pleasure-giraffe
Pippin. The insane popstar hopes this will for once and all lay to rest
rumors that LaToya was in fact him, either that or some sort of translucent
psychic space ghost from beyond the seventh dimension as the LA rumour weavers
would have us believe.