December 21, 2001

Banzai!

That word, a single syllable [ i think ] struck fear into the hearts of WWF wrestlers, the hearts of the fans, and the hearts of Jim Ross, Gorilla Monsoon and any other commentator who was lucky enough to call one of his matches. Sadly, his massive heart matched only by the size of his absolutley revolting crotch area [ and i don't mean he had a big dick, it was just fat] finally gave out,or more than likely, exploded like so many old tires. But his legacy can never be exploded by extensive over eating, good lord no, in fact it will live on forever, similar to his body, which couldn't possibly decay, theres just to much there

Yokozuna wasn't always a disgusting puddle of goo. In fact he wasn't even always Yokozuna, he was born Rodney Anoia God knows when. Lots of stuff happened after that, but who cares, we only want the WWF stuff. He entered the Fed in 1992 at The Survivor Series and mauled Virgil, a feet not many could accomplish. Virgil was shaken up big time, as you could tell by his interview....

"Dis Jokazuma, from da far east side he...*gasps for air* He bad. Bret Hart, need to watch hisself"

Now no one really knows what that Non-English speaking monkey said, but it sure made Yoko sound like the Japanese Badass, and he most certainly was, as he dominated the 93 Royal Rumble, crushed Jim Duggan's Old Gravy filled heart into the mat and went on to Wrestlemania to challenge Bret The Hitman Hart, a vastly less talented wrestler who quite frankly sucked and was outshined by Yoko the whole match, and was defeated by the Banzai Drop and God of everything Mr Fuji, Yoko's manager. Yoko paraded around the ring, tittys a ring ding jinglin until Satan's spawn Hulk Hogan ran out and used a bucket of friggin SALT on the man to get the win. Obviously the Yokomaniacs were outraged and pretty fuckin pissed over this so they had a rematch at King Of The Ring. And in a one on one contest, Hogan didn't stand a chance as a might ham hock fell down from the heavens and for all intensive purposes killed Hulkamania Dizead for all times ever. Yokozuna's reign of beefy tits was about to begin...

Well since Soulfultura's arteries clogged faster than Yokozuna's, I might as well finish this half-assed tribute. After dismantling Hulkamania forever, Yoko turned his attention to the man that claims to have destroyed Hulkamania first. That's right, the American Soul Stealing Midian Sacrificing Goat Fucking Hide All Your Sheep Badass, the Undertaker. This of course resulted in the Undertaker's first loss in his beloved casket match. Yokozuna single-handedly [ along with 10 other people ] defeated the phenom in his own match. Not only has Yoko defeated Hulkamania, but the Darkside as well.

A lot of different shit happened after this. The All American, Lex Luger keeps dropping the ball, but body slams him, so he is regarded as a hero. Bret the Hitman Hart defeats Yokozuna when Yoko jobs to a turnbuckle. Owen and Yoko become tag champions... a few more turnbuckles break... and that's about it. Oh yeah, Yokozuna also appears on the infamous Heroes of Wrestling PPV where he and someone else took on a noticable drunk Jake Roberts and Neidhart. Not much of a career, huh? Nevertheless, Yokozuna reached over 700 pounds, became the youngest world champion till his cousin [ Duane Johnson ] took that title away from him, destroyed Hulkamania, killed the Undertaker, jobbed to several turnbuckles, and eventually died.

Yokozuna will be missed and worshipped to years to come. I will always remember his monstrous obesity and how he could not get off his fatass at Summerslam. Okay, I'm done.