I been down and out too long,
I don’t think I can take much more of life;
I’m looking for the front door.
I’m not talking about relationships; I’m talking about the whole dish.
Just like a plate of food you get your full course meal, and this is how I feel.
When I turn around there is always mad stress
in my face and I don’t know what to do so then I try to bless
the G.O.D. above, but I don’t see no reason in coming
out because every time I turn around there is something else and
I have to depend on him and her to get my business straight.
Then I turn around and crap I’m always late
because I got to find out what they got to do;
if they got to do something that’s what I got to do.
I’m tired of this crap I don’t think I can take much more of life.
I’m looking for the front door of life
because I can’t take this ill crap people buggin’ and I’m not having it.
My name is Rizzy I had no eye sight since 17,
and anybody who just lost their sight knows what the hell I mean when you’re going blind
and it seems like time
is leaving you and you don’t know what to do
cause your behind in everything. You don’t even know what’s going on;
you don’t even know what clothes you like to wear;
you don’t even know how you want to wear your hair.
You don’t even care about anyone else because you just think they’re all for themselves,
and you don’t have no reason to live, and you have no reason to die
so you turn around and ask yourself why.
Why the hell am I still here? What in the world did I do to deserve
This? But you know. You messed up when you put the gun to your head and wished to yourself you were dead,
but now your living your own hell because you made it for
yourself. You can’t really blame nobody else.
Mom and dad look at you; they are feeling real bad cause they know what you want to do.
You know what you want to do too, but you
don’t want to do it because last time you did it you just blew it so forget it.
I’m trying to live this life the best I can because I really need a
Man. I need someone who understands my ups and downs
and smiles and frowns.
But no one is really there for you because they don’t understand the whole situation
so what I’m trying to tell you about life is I’m looking for the front door
because I’m trying to walk out, but there is nowhere to go and I don’t have no more clout,
cause don’t nobody respect Rizzy. They’re just looking at the things I used to do when I got
busy as a younger girl back in the
day. I used to do mad crap--never was I in a play because I never looked at life as being a drama,
but I had bad head trauma,
lost my eyesight in the middle of the night
and now I’m waking up blind, and this crap is not right,
People don’t understand all the mad stresses you go through when you can’t see.
You’re still a teenager; you feel like you don’t have nothing;
you have a cell phone but it doesn’t ring.
You can’t even drive. You have 2 cars, you’re sitting in a room by yourself and you try to disregard all of the things that are going on around you,
but you know what’s going on because the crap surrounds you.
Mad stress is on my mind, I can’t take it no more.
I’m looking for the front door.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m calling up somebody. Can I have a friend?
Do I have someone to talk to?
But what could they really do?
They can’t do nothing to change my life; the only one that can do the job I see is G.O.D..
He can help me, but when is my help coming through? What do I have to do?
Do I have to just get on my knees and pray?
or do I have to live my life a different way?
I don’t know what to do! I’m in a state of confusion
and I feel as though I’m abusing
myself by staying here in this state of mind.
I don’t know what else to do. I’m
Blind! I need your help, but you can’t really help me
because Rizzy can’t even
see.
I’m not trying to put myself down;
this is not a guilt trip,
but I don’t know what to do. I’m dealing with this.
I’m doing the best I can being 19.
I don’t think I can take much more.
I’m looking at life, and I’m looking at the front door.
If you're reading this at all, thank a teacher. If you're reading this in English, thank a soldier.
I-Witness Publishing: Working to get our troops home.
