FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine - International Standard Serial Number ISSN 1449-7425 Issue 48 Vol 5 # 6 June 2004 FreEzine is a free email magazine/newsletter containing articles of interest from a Christian perspective and is published no less than monthly. FreEzine is NOT Spam and is only sent to people who request it. If you ever want to stop (or start) receiving FreEzine you'll find instructions at the end of this newsletter. FreEzine is also available in Spanish - La Revista libre de Ezine, French - La Revue de Ezine libre, German - FreiEzine Zeitschrift, Italian - La Rivista di Ezine libera, and Portuguese - Revista livre de Ezine. A special "hello" to all of our new subscribers. We welcome and appreciate feedback on how we can improve this e-zine for you. IF YOU FIND THIS NEWSLETTER USEFUL... ... PLEASE FORWARD IT TO FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES! IN THIS ISSUE: Editorial: The Times That Tried Men's Souls Are Over Prayer Thought: Room for Time with God From My Case Files: Make Something For Dinner Letters to the Editor: What is Boomeritis? Letters to the Editor: What is the Month of Xbr? Slips that go Pass in the Type: Taking Husbands What's On? Seminars & Workshops Repeatable Quotable: Sensational Reading Article: Let's Get Intimate Natural Remedies: Mouth Ulcers Havagiggle: Audible Accents Split Second Wisdom: Jury Service The Extensive Exposition: The Lateran Treaty The Funny Bone: The Organ Grinder Sermon Snippet: Is Your Church is Grace- or Ungrace-filled? Theologically Speaking: The Weight of the World's Despair on Your Shoulders Freebies: Bible Plus King James Version Take a Hint: One Minute Can Change a Life Cooks Corner: Yum Yum Cake Watch This Space Subscription & Other Information And in Closing: How to Prevent Infidelity in Your Marriage FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine Editorial: The Times That Tried Men's Souls Are Over Many of you will be familiar with a series of tracts concerning the revolution in America in the 1700s written by Thomas Paine called 'The Crisis'. Issue Number One began, 'These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph...' I read recently in John Fiske's The Critical Period of American History 1783-1789* that "Thomas Paine [stopped] the publication of the 'Crisis,' on hearing the news of the (American) treaty of 1783, with the remark, 'The times that tried men's souls are over.'" More than two centuries later, we know that 'the times that tried men's souls' are not over. In fact, it seems as if times are getting worse. The 1914-1918 war was touted as the 'war to end all wars'. It was at that time referred to as 'The Great War'. With the outbreak of the Second World War, the 'war to end all wars' was renamed, 'World War One'. More recently the Global War on Terrorism has been named by the media as World War Three. 'The times that tried men's souls' are not over. In Daniel 2 (vs 34, 45) we have described the only 'war to end all wars'. Until then 'men's souls' will continue to be tried. Fortunately, I am reminded when I read Job 13:15 that it is still possible to trust when 'tried'. Job also says (23:10), 'But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.' Let me leave you with this thought from James 1:12: Blessed is the man (or woman) that endureth temptation: for when he (or she) is tried, he (or she) shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. -----*Houghton, Mifflin & Company (Riverside Press), Cambridge, 1896 --Editor. Prayer Thought: Room for Time with God Flee for a little while thy occupations; hide thyself for a time from thy disturbing thoughts. Cast aside now thy burdensome cares, and put away thy toilsome business. Yield room for some little time to God, and rest for a little time in him. Enter the inner chamber of thy mind; shut out all thoughts save that of God and such as can aid thee in seeking him. Speak now, my whole heart! Speak now to God, saying, "I seek thy face; thy face, Lord, will I seek." --Saint Anselm (C. 1033-1109) cited in Edythe Draper, Draper's Book of Quotations for the Christian World, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, 1992, Entry 7708. From My Case Files: Make Something For Dinner After three decades of counselling, your editor (a retired sociologist) sometimes ponders some of the things which have come up in counselling that, in retrospect, contain an element of humour. This section will be included from time to time to share some of these snippets. Names have been changed to protect privacy. Egbert told me that every time he asked his wife Maggie to make something for dinner, she made 'restaurant table reservations'. Letters to the Editor Cantos de poetry, Catchwords, Changes, Clamourings, Clichés, Commendations, Comments, Commercials, Complaints, Compliments, Congratulates, Credits, Cries, Criticisms, Critiques? We'll Take All! Michael (email [Australia]) asks, what is Boomeritis? Thank you Michael for asking this question. Until your question prompted me to investigate the term, I did not know what boomeritis was, either, even though I had heard the term before. Fortunately for both of us, the answer was found on a medical site I visit often, . (That's pronounced Medi Serve, not Me Deserve and is a site for health professionals). Boomeritis is the term coined by the Americans to describe injuries sustained by baby boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964) through their involvement in sport and fitness régimes. The American Orthopaedic Society for Sports Medicine (AOSSM) and the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons (AAOS) combined efforts to launch the Boomeritis public awareness campaign in April 2000. Boomeritis is now recognised by health professionals in Australia and New Zealand. --Editor. Henri (email [Holland]) asks, ' Das, was ist der Monat Xbr?' (What is the month of Xbr?). Henri, the "X" stands for the Roman numeral "X;" or literally the tenth month. Years ago, December was the tenth month (the prefix "Dec" means "ten"). December is not the only month where this convention was once used. It was also used with September as "VIIber" ("sept" means seven), October as "VIIIber" ("oct" means eight) and November as "IXber" ("nov" means nine). --Editor. Slips that go Pass in the Type: Taking Husbands In early edition of Shakespeare's Hamlet Prince of Denmark (Act iii, Scene 2) the text was obviously transcribed verbally as, instead of Hamlet's line `So you mistake your husbands.', there appeared `So you must take your husbands.' --Adapted from Henry B. Wheatley, Literary Blunders, L&R Hartley, Murwillumbah, NSW, 1990 What's On? Seminars & Workshops: Attention pastors, teachers, administrators, etc., If you would like a seminar on one or more of a huge range of topics conducted free at your venue, check out Salubrity Seminar's Website . The 2004 GNU Seminars (Hope, Heaven and Immortality; The Gospel and the Blessed Hope) have finished, however the presentations are available on audio CD & cassette from . Also a number of free lectures are advertised on . Repeatable Quotable: Sensational Reading I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train --Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895 Article: Let's Get Intimate It was a perfect wedding. The church pulsed with excitement and joy. The air was filled with the affection of family and friends and the presence of God's Spirit as people gathered in His name. There were flowers, music, candlelight, elegant gowns, vows spoken, rings exchanged, prayers and then the passionate kiss. It was the resplendent culmination of detailed preparations, nervous anticipation and fervent prayers. But that's not what made it perfect. It was perfect because God was working His perfect will in us. He was joining two of His children and creating a new, more intimate relationship with Him and with each other. That's how our triangular relationship began. Ecclesiastes 4:12, the wedding verse we chose, illustrates this idea: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. The strength of our marriage comes from the interweaving of God as central to all aspects of our relationship--physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. As we nurture one another spiritually though prayer, Bible study, confession and forgiveness, our individual relationships with God deepen, and we also experience a greater sense of intimacy with each other. The key, of course, is communication, and spiritual communication means prayer. How did we start praying together? Just as with the rest of our relationship, it took time. Before we were married, we each communicated with God in our own ways. For me [Perry], prayer came easily. Growing up, I had a strong example of what it means to "pray without ceasing" in my mom. I was elated at the prospect of being able to pray with Jaylene. But for her, to open up and pray out loud was a bit intimidating. Her relationship with God was based on her strong faith and zeal for sharing God's good news with others. Prayer was more of a private thing. As our dating relationship grew, we searched for common ground on which to communicate and grow in the Lord. We started a "date diary," a simple blank book in which we would write down the happenings of each day we spent together, our thoughts and reactions about a chapter of the Bible we would read together, and a prayer list for the day. Then we would pray together, using the prayer list as a guide. Looking back, we remember those prayers times as some of our most precious. Not only did they help us get more "intimate with the Ultimate," they also helped us grow closer to one another. This practice of a regular prayer time together spilled over into our engagement and continues in our marriage. Has prayer had an affect on our marriage? To say "yes" would be an understatement! Prayer is an integral part of our marriage. First, it puts the lordship of our lives safely in God's all-knowing and all-powerful hands. Second, it allows us to communicate openly with God and one another as we share our thoughts, feelings, joys and concerns beyond daily conversation. We pray whenever the Spirit leads us such as before meals, as we take a trip in the car, when we wake, as we discuss events of the day or before we sleep. It also becomes obvious when we haven't taken time to pray. Frustrations build, misunderstandings prevail and priorities wane. That is when our marriage weakens because we are neglecting that third cord and attempting to hold it all together with two imperfect strands. It may seem ironic, but one of the strongest times of prayer for us is when we have had an argument. Usually we pray individually first to deal with the sin, anger and hurt in relation to God. Then, as we confess to one another and say we are sorry, we put the sign of the cross on each other's forehead--a humbling yet powerful act of love and forgiveness. This again reminds us of that third cord, that strongest link in our lives and in our intimacy with one another. How can you enhance intimacy in your marriage? Here are a few suggestions: - Take a regular "date night" with your spouse. - Spend time together as a three-some--you, your spouse and God. - Go on a romantic adventure. - Take an adventure in Scripture together. - Keep a joint prayer notebook or spiritual journal. - Take your spouse with you to God's house. --Perry and Jaylene Miller, Tomball, Texas. (When this was written, Perry was Spiritual Life Director at Concordia Lutheran High School and Jaylene was Director of Christian Education at St. Timothy Lutheran Church. (Editor's Archives) Natural Remedies: Exploring some of nature's hygiene helpers and ways to fix basic ills, chills, aches and pains. Common sense is paramount - some of these hints are health related, and if you have a medical condition such high blood pressure, are taking prescription medication or are in any way unsure whether you should follow the self-help suggestion/s provided, consult a doctor or natural therapist. This month: Mouth ulcers Make this mouthwash, then gargle with it as often as necessary. Place two tablespoons of dried sage in a teapot, pour over 250mls boiling water. Steep for 15 minutes, then strain. Add three drops of myrrh essential oil and shake well. -- Pamela Allardice, Natural therapist Havagiggle: Audible Accents A mom in Virginia was talking with her four-year-old son, Brent. He asked her why all their relatives from Wisconsin "talk funny" and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They have a different accent," she explained. "Everybody talks in different ways. To them, we sound like we talk very slow, and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "You mean they hear funny, too?" --Gretchen Patti Split Second Wisdom: When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --Norm Crosby The Extensive Exposition. Each issue we will make available a longer article available by email free to those who request it. This is to keep the FreEzine a readable length yet make available more in-depth material for those who are interested. Articles provided under this section do not always reflect totally the beliefs of the editor. In some issues more than one article will be available under this section and articles will need to be asked for by name to save confusion. We have no separate mailing list for the automatic despatch of articles in The Extensive Exposition so a separate request will need to be made for each article. This month's article is the full text of The Lateran Treaty, the concordat between the Holy See and the kingdom of Italy signed in 1929 in the Lateran Palace, Rome, by Cardinal Gasparri for Pius XI and by Benito Mussolini for Victor Emmanuel III. This is of particular relevance to students of religion as it stated that Roman Catholicism is the only state religion of Italy and that Italy recognises the new state called Vatican City as fully sovereign and independent. This is in Adobe(R) Acrobat format, resourced from the editor's archives and made available free by writing to the editor and asking for the article by name. (Please check the available space in your email box before requesting articles (120k req.) The Funny Bone: The Organ Grinder At one time, your editor had an unusual hobby, that of building reproduction barrel organs. Although several have been sold over the years, he still has a couple of working organs and occasionally entertains with one of them. He was doing just that recently when an observer commented that the winding of the handle on the organ looked like the turning of a roast on a barbecue, except that the 'organ made a much better sound'. This later prompted your editor to write the following nonsense poem, 'The Organ Grinder': ><> His first time at a barbecue, The organ grinder watched in awe As his neighbour turned the sizzling roast Upon the spit Above the glowing fire. ><> His arm in rhythmic motion Emulated the grinder's trade Yet the only sound Was a hiss and a crackle From the cast-iron box he 'played'. ><> The organ grinder, puzzled, watched And finally exclaims, "I don't know what you're playing, But... Your monkey's up in flames!" -- Lionel Hartley, (c) 2004 Aside: Are you a writer, a poet or an illustrator? If you have something you have written or illustrated that you would like to consider having published, a free 60 page Style Guide is available online at , or from the Editor of this FreEzine. There is no charge for publishing and YOU receive payment on publication (see the free Style Guide for details). Publishing formats include Books, Pamphlets, Leaflets, Magazines & Ezines, Online video & audio, CD-ROM & floppy-disk electronic books & multimedia, Video & Audio tapes and Talking Books & audio CDs. Sermon Snippet: Is Your Church is Grace- or Ungrace-filled? After 'The Jesus I Never Knew' this is probably Yancey's second best book. (In case you don't know this popular writer, he's Editor-at-large for the evangelical magazine Christianity Today). Grace, says C.S.Lewis, is Christianity's unique contribution among world religions. 'Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more... and grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us less,' is Yancey's best attempt to define a marvelous but elusive concept (p.70). This book is a polemic against 'ungrace' - particularly the North American Fundamentalist/legalistic variety. It is a wonderful collection of anecdotes, quotes and stories - from Yancey's personal experiences of grace/ungrace, and from films, movies and other media - and a powerful diatribe against the ungrace involved in the last three evangelical Christian paradigm shifts - Bible belt legalism, racism, and homophobia. For me the two highlights of the book are chapter 13 - 'Grace-healed eyes' , the sad story of his homosexual friend Mel White's collision with Fundamentalist bigotry, and Babette's Feast: A Story, which drives home the truth that grace costs everything for the giver and nothing for the recipient. What's So Amazing About Grace opens with the sad story of a prostitute who came to a counsellor for help. 'At last I asked if she had ever thought of going to a church for help. I will never forget the look of pure, naive shock that crossed her face. "Church!" she cried. "Why would I ever go there? I was already feeling terrible about myself. They'd just make me feel worse!"' Past President Bill Clinton's equally sad comment (said before the Starr/Lewinsky episode) : 'I've been in politics long enough to expect criticism and hostility... But I was unprepared for the HATRED (Yancey's emphasis) I get from Christians. Why do Christians hate so much?' (p.226) A good test as to whether your church is grace- or ungrace-filled might be Tony Compolo's provocative/prophetic ploy when speaking at Christian colleges. '"The United Nations reports that over ten thousand people starve to death each day, and most of you don't give a **** . However, what is even more tragic is that most of you are more concerned about the fact that I have said a bad word than you are about the ten thousand people dying today." The responses prove his point: in nearly every case Tony got a letter from the chaplain or president of the college protesting his foul language. The letters never mentioned world hunger.' (p.201) (My test: ask an evangelical congregation to vote on the question 'Does God love the Devil?') To be picky for a moment: Yancey is a better writer than he is a biblical scholar. His evangelical cliché 'The Book of' (Romans, Second Corinthians etc.) is not the way scholars write. Some of his biblical references could have been more carefully considered within their socio-cultural context. And I would have liked a discussion of Abuse and Grace: how does an abused person relate to significant others in terms of grace - differentiating between the abuser and subsequent persons where 'transference' occurs, and between the person and the abusive deed... Some good quotes: 'The great Christian revolutions come not by the discovery of something that was not known before. They happen when somebody takes radically something that was always there' (H. Richard Neibuhr) (p. 13-14) Mark Twain used to talk about people who were 'good in the worst sense of the word' (p.31) Theologian Karl Barth, after writing thousands of pages in his Church Dogmatics, arrived at this simple definition of God: 'the One who loves.' (p.55) W.H.Auden's version of the old maxim 'Hurt people hurt people': 'I and the public know / What all school children learn, / Those to whom evil is done / Do evil in return' (p.86) Humorist Erma Bombeck's prayer: 'Lord, if you can't make me thin, then make my friends look fat' (p.87) Henri Nouwen defines forgiveness as 'love practiced among people who love poorly' (p.92) ...As the Jewish philosopher Hannah Arendt said, the only remedy for the inevitability of history is forgiveness; otherwise, we remain trapped in "the predicament of irreversibility" (p.99) Cosiness between church and state is good for the state and bad for the church (G.K.Chesterton) (p.248) I belong to a reading group; last Friday night's discussion on this book was quite memorable. We go to asking, for example, why, in our church, people who declare their homosexual orientation inevitably have to leave. (But it's one thing to curse the darkness, another to light a candle. Hopefully Yancey will provoke some positive responses as well). It's a good book. Go out and buy it. --Rowland Croucher, John Mark Ministries Philip Yancey,'s 'What's So Amazing About Grace?', Zondervan / HarperCollins, 1997, is available from Theologically Speaking: The Weight of the World's Despair on Your Shoulders Think on this verse, `But we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel.' Luke 24:21. This was spoken by the two disciples who were on their way to Emmaus one Sunday two thousand years ago. Can you imagine the weight of disappointment that these words imply? They had been prepared to believe that this Jesus was the Saviour. They had dared to hope that he was the one who would set the world right. He would rid the earth of tyrants, sweep it clean of injustice and bring in everlasting peace. Well ... they had hoped in vain, because now it was all over. It would never happen now! That fond and foolish dream, dead on a cross and buried! Of all the disappointments that the world deals, none is so shattering as the one which leaves the disappointed one chiding him/herself for having believed. Remember Jeremiah the day he felt like going on strike against his impossible task. He said, `O Lord, you have deceived me and I was deceived.' Jeremiah 20:7. Perhaps you have experienced something similar. Maybe even now you are faced with the final doubt. Once you were told that being a Christian would free you from illness and poverty. You thought that when you had believed you would develop into a moral Hercules with a splendid consistent Christian character. And now you are finding that things have not worked out that way. You are still battling weaknesses in your character that plagued you twenty years ago. You have given an honest tithe and you are now in ruins financially. You have arrived at the dreadful hour of heartbreak when Jesus appears to have let you down. The one hope of the world seems to be a lie. The full weight of the world's despair is settling on your shoulders, for without God there is only hell. Without Christ there is only fear, violence and nihilism. It was in a horror of darkness such as this, that the two disciples trod forlornly on the Emmaus way. But a stranger drew near and questioned them as to their downcast faces. Then they told of their hope in Jesus and of their final betrayal. `We had hoped ...' The stranger prolonged conversation with the doleful duo, opening the Scriptures to them and showing them that all that had happened was in God's plan. And all the while he spoke they listened with hearts aflame. Them when evening came Jesus opened their eyes and they realised that he in whom they had hoped and then lost hope, was risen from the dead. What a reversal! It was not a defeat. The dream was not a hoax. It wasn't all over after all but only just beginning. All their doubts were put to shame by the resurrection of the Lord. Many an honest and bewildered soul is today facing the last despair. They ask, `Why does evil seem to be so successful?' May all such questioners capture the spirit, which grasped the writers of the New Testament. A spirit of unalloyed jubilation because Christ had taken on the demonic world powers and smitten them hip and thigh, leaving them beaten and spoiled by the resurrection from the dead. --Ron Allen Freebies: Bible Plus King James Version ZDNet calls Bible Plus an "outstanding achievement in transferring the King James Bible to electronic media." A lightning fast search engine powers the system. Easy to use. Create notes about any chapter. Great for quick and easy searches of the entire Bible (both Old and New Testaments). This is totally free Bible study software ... use in conjunction with more powerful Bible software. Runs in Windows 3.1/95/98/NT. A downloadable file (2.9 Mb) is available from Take a Hint: One Minute Can Change a Life He almost killed somebody, but one minute changed his life. The beautiful story comes from Sherman Rogers' old book, "Foremen: Leaders or Drivers?" In his true-life story, Rogers illustrates the importance of effective relationships. During his college years, Rogers spent a summer in an Idaho logging camp. When the superintendent had to leave for a few days, he put Rogers in charge. "What if the men refuse to follow my orders?" Rogers asked. He thought of Tony, an immigrant worker who grumbled and growled all day, giving the other men a hard time. "Fire them," the superintendent said. Then, as if reading Rogers' mind, he added, "I suppose you think you are going to fire Tony if you get the chance. I'd feel badly about that. I have been logging for 40 years. Tony is the most reliable worker I've ever had. I know he is a grouch and that he hates everybody and everything. But he comes in first and leaves last. There has not been an accident for eight years on the hill where he works." Rogers took over the next day. He went to Tony and spoke to him. "Tony, do you know I'm in charge here today?" Tony grunted. "I was going to fire you the first time we tangled, but I want you to know I'm not," he told Tony, adding what the superintendent had said. When he finished, Tony dropped the shovel full of sand he had held and tears streamed down his face. "Why he no tell me dat eight years ago?" That day Tony worked harder than ever before -- and he smiled! He later said to Rogers, "I told Maria you first foreman in deese country who ever say, 'Good work, Tony,' and it make Maria feel like Christmas." Rogers went back to school after that summer. Twelve years later he met Tony again. He was superintendent for railroad construction for one of the largest logging companies in the West. Rogers asked him how he came to California and happened to have such success. Tony replied, "If it not be for the one minute you talk to me back in Idaho, I keel somebody someday. One minute, she change my whole life." Effective managers know the importance of taking a moment to point out what a worker is doing well. But what a difference a minute of affirmation can make in any relationship! One minute. Have you got one minute to thank someone? A minute to tell someone what you sincerely like or appreciate about her? A minute to elaborate on something he did well? One minute. It can make a difference for a lifetime. -- Steve Goodier', One Minute Can Change a Life Cooks Corner: Yum Yum Cake One packet lemon cake mix, one small packet vanilla instant pudding. one-and-a-half cups milk, medium-sized tub cream cheese, softened, small can crushed pineapple drained, small can, one tablespoon desiccated coconut, and a cup of non-dairy whipped topping. Prepare cake mix according to instructions on box. Lightly grease and flour a jelly roll pan. Spread cake mix evenly into pan. Combine pudding mix and milk, stir until no lumps remain. In a separate bowl (with an electric mixer) whip the cream cheese for three minutes. Combine pudding and cream cheese and add pineapple. Mix until well incorporated. Spread over cake. Top with non-dairy whipped topping. Sprinkle coconut on top. Slice and serve. Serves eight. Refrigerate leftover cake. --Recipe courtesy of Windows Cuisine 2.0 Watch This Space: Future issues will include other sections not listed here. Why not write to us suggesting what you would like to see included. Subscription Information: FreEzine is a free email magazine/newsletter, published by Lionel Hartley, PhD () no less than monthly and sent out ONLY to those who request it. As FreEzine only uses an opt-in email list, we never buy or otherwise obtain email addresses. Although we encourage our readers to forward a copy of FreEzine to their friends and invite them to subscribe, we have a strictly No Spam Policy. 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And, in closing: How to Prevent Infidelity in Your Marriage Seven tips to help married couples who treasure their union to stay faithful to each other: 1. Maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage. 2. Recognise that work can be a danger zone. Don't lunch alone or take coffee breaks with the same person all the time. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public rooms and not in a room with a bed. 3. Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you. 4. Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage. If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship. 5. Keep old flames from re-igniting. If a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame. 6. Don't go over the line when you're online with Internet friends. Discuss your online friendships with your partner and show him/her your e-mail if he/she is interested. Invite your partner to join in your correspondence so your Internet friend won't get any wrong ideas. Don't exchange sexual fantasies online. 7. Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage. Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don't believe in fooling around. -- Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli, "Not 'Just Friends': Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal, Free Press Publishers, 2002. From a posting on by Kris Tanner