><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine - ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Issue Vol 2 # 1 FreEzine@telstra.easymail.com.au January 2001 ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> FreEzine is a free email magazine/newsletter containing articles of interest from a Christian perspective and is published no less than monthly. FreEzine is NOT Spam and is only sent to people who request it. If you ever want to stop (or start) receiving FreEzine you'll find instructions at the end of this newsletter. A special "hello" to all of our new subscribers. We welcome and appreciate feedback on how we can improve this e-zine for you. IF YOU FIND THIS NEWSLETTER USEFUL... ... PLEASE FORWARD IT TO FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES! ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> IN THIS ISSUE: Editorial News Break: Virus/Worm alert - W95.Hybris.Gen.dr What's On? Seminars & Workshops Repeatable Quotable: The Prodigal Son Serial story: The Continuing Saga of Peter Blank Episode 7 Article: I Will Move The Rock NEW COLUMN: Free Software: Free Office Suite Opinion: (by the editor): Behaviourally-contracted AIDS Focus on Health: Leaky Bladders Focus on Health (2): Soy Products Book Look: GNU CD-ROM Website Review: goodnewsunlimited.org.au Cook's Corner: Strawberry Pie Take a Hint: GoHip Problems Agony Aunt Ezine: Letter from a computer buff Letters to the Editor The Funny Bone: Happy Long Hair Overheard: Happy New Year! Watch This Space Subscription & other information Last words: The Calling Card ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine -FreEzine ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Editorial The following genuine letter is shared at the writer's request: Name and Address withheld Dear Dr H, I am writing to thank you for your article in the current issue of the Australian Singles Magazine, which has helped me immensely. I am also writing to share an experience I went through last year (when I was 19 years old) and I hope you will choose to share it with others that they too may learn as I did - sin has devastating consequences that can affect everyone around you. One of my closest friends met the "man she was going to marry" a couple of years ago and really fell hard for this guy. He also told her that he loved her and she thought it was the "real thing". Thinking she was going to marry him anyway, she gave in to him and slept with him even though she was a Christian and knew it was wrong. Her boyfriend was also a Christian. This relationship continued for several months, until he broke it off, and refused to even speak to her, saying, "You're no longer the girl I fell in love with" losing all respect for her because she'd slept with him. She was understandably devastated and went into deep depression, crying for hours each night. She had given herself to this guy, thinking she was going to marry her, and now she felt used, betrayed and worthless, She also knew she was out of fellowship with God and she was too ashamed to go back to Him. She felt she was too low for even God's forgiveness. Several months later my friend was dead. She'd swallowed 80 sleeping tablets after hearing that her ex-boyfriend had gotten a girl pregnant. Realising he was having sex with someone else now and that what she'd given him wasn't precious to him obviously pushed her over the edge. She left me a letter and in it she states, "to die will resolve me from the hold (he) has on me." I cannot put into words what I went through after her suicide, and I was not alone. I'm sure her mother suffered deeply and her other close friends hit the skids as I did. I jumped into many of the "mud-holes" of life trying to fill the void she'd left, and escape my feelings. These included alcohol addiction, bulimia, anger at God, deep depression and even thoughts of suicide itself. After reading your article, finally I realised it was her decision and I shouldn't be ruining my life because she couldn't cope with hers. So I turned back to God and both me and her closest friend are trying to put our lives back together. I don't know how her ex-boyfriend reacted. I just hope he woke up to the dangers of premarital sex. This sin that seemed so private at the beginning ended up devastating many lives. I would never under any circumstances give up my virginity before marriage now, and I have seen first hand what it can do. God gave us these rules to protect ourselves - no only physically from disease, but also emotionally. I hope that something good can come from her death by being a warning to others, to keep their pants on, and in the words of Christian group "DC Talk","The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you." Thank you once again, Dr. H and your reference to Dr. D's book which I have read (I am writing to him too.) Your article and the book have been a big help to me in making right decisions how to get my life back on track, and set my goals in the right places. Yours sincerely, Name withheld This letter may be shared further provided this copyright notice remains intact. Copyright (c)1987, 2001 L D C Hartley (Reference to August 1986 Issue of ASM) ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> News Break: Virus/Worm alert - W95.Hybris.Gen.dr It is not generally the purpose of FreEzine to announce virus warnings (unless you specifically want us to include a section on this topic), yet a 'worm' programme called 'W95.Hybris.Gen.dr' - capable of infecting Windows-based PCs - has been circulating the Internet since September 2000. And recently the number of PCs infected world-wide has risen dramatically, prompting this notice. The worm spreads via email, in the form of infected file attachments called any of the following: anpo porn(.scr / atchim.exe / branca de neve.scr / dunga.scr / dwarf4you.exe / enano porno.exe / joke.exe / midgets.scr / sexy virgin.scr The worm is also capable of creating random file names for infected attachments, so treat ALL executable (.exe) and screensaver (.scr) files as suspect. Once a PC is infected, the worm is capable of automatically attaching copies of itself - in the form of infected attachments - to all outgoing emails. It can do this without human intervention and without the knowledge of the PC user. The most common version of emails sent by this worm has the following characteristics: [ From - hahaha@sexyfun.net] [Subject - Snowhite and the Seven Dwarfs - The REAL story!] The worm is also known as W32.Hybris.gen, W32.Hybris.22528.dr, W32/Hybris.gen@M and I-Worm.Hybris. Readers are urged NOT to launch files received as attachments from unknown sources. However, the infected files may be received as email attachments from friends, acquaintances or business contacts who do not know that their system has been infected. It is recommended that all users purchase or download an anti-virus programme and ensure that they regularly check with the vendor's Web site for programme updates. FreEzine uses (but does not necessarily recommend above others) Norton Antivirus by Symantec. This information was supplied by Telstra BigPond - further info available from: Viruses FAQ - http://www.bigpond.com/Home/Support/Help/FAQ/Viruses.asp W95.Hybris.gen.dr -http://www.sarc.com/avcenter/venc/data/w95.hybris.gen.html ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> What's On? Seminars & Workshops - See the Website http://members.nbci.com/seminars_workshops/whats_on.htm If you know of a forthcoming seminar, conference, workshop or similar that OUGHT to advertised on this free Website, please write to the editor or go to the site yourself and follow the links. ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Repeatable Quotable: The Prodigal Son Feeling frightfully famished, feeling footloose, fancy-free and frisky, this feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with fair-weather friends. Finally, fleeced by those folly-filled fellows and facing famine, he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farm-lot. He fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from fodder fragments. "Fooey! My father's flunkies fare far fancier," the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact. Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he fled for his family. Falling at his father's feet, he floundered forlornly. "Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further family favours..." But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast. But the fugitive's fault-finding frater, faithfully farming his father's fields for free, frowned at this fickle forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile. His foresighted father figured, "Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun, frolic and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten and folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for future fortitude." --Originally composed by Rev. W. O. Taylor, quoted in More Holy Humour, Cal and Rose Samra, Thomas Nelson Publishers, ISBN 0-7852-7156-2, modified by Robert Woodman & Lionel Hartley. Feel free to share this, but leave the copyright information in place. ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Aside: A good listener is not only good company, But after a while he is likely to learn something. -- The editor ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Serial story: "Not Finished Yet" - Episodes in the Continuing Saga of Peter Blank. This serial saga, although novel, is not a novel. It is merely a series of true-life episodes highlighting the extraordinary working of an extraordinary God in a very ordinary life. Each episode contained a lesson for Peter Blank, a lesson we can all learn, from a lesson-book life that is not finished yet. Episode 7: Peter Changes Religion. Peter (24 years) had been attending (and wonderfully enjoying) the Anglican Church -- High Church of England -- for most all of his life. He had been a chorister (first a boy soprano and later a tenor/baritone) for 16 years and was involved with youth and men's social groups, the Religious Drama Society, was a Server at the altar, a Sides-man at lesser services and occasionally a Deacon at High Mass. His life revolved around the church with services every day, three and sometimes four times on Sundays and feast days, and he cluttered his busy life with numerous committees, clubs, societies and other involvements in between. But it seemed that one thing lacked. He knew and could recite his Catechism, the Chorister's Handbook, all 150 metrical psalms, the Mass and other services from the Book of Common Prayer, and the few selections from the Holy Bible which appeared within the pages of the prayer book. Peter measured time by the feasts of the Saints from one Michaelmas to another and apparently lamented a feria (non-feastday) in between. And yet something was missing. He knew the names of and the reason for each item of vestment the priest wore and the associated prayers relative to the adorning of each garment. But still he felt an unexplained hollowness. He had familiarised himself with the reason behind each colour chosen to adorn the altar in relation to each feast day -- both major and minor, yet still an emptiness tugged within. To the ultimate frustration of his Latin master, he probed the ecclesiastical aspect of Latin in almost every language lesson in his upper primary school years. He attended music camps for choirboys and men, took to music lessons with almost unparalleled enthusiasm and delved deeply into an extensive study of church music from Asaph to Plainsong -- from J S Bach to Martin Shaw, and through to the contemporary. He loved his church -- its fellowship, friendship, companionship, mate-ship, and worship. And yet...? He endeavoured to be the white sheep of his family, with a prayer journal to make a Pope proud, an history of good deeds to outshine every other Boy Scout, and a conceited abstinence from the defilements of swearing, immorality, tobacco and alcohol. However he lacked a certainty of salvation and so, in consequence, he became such a "goody-goody" that he frustrated everybody -- the priest in the confessional, the fast-shrinking circle of companions within his peers, himself for his ever-regular and oft-repeated failings, his rapid-dwindling cluster of adult friends and his parents who sought for an ulterior motive lurking within his behaviour. Finally, one day, an observant young lady commented on his seeming religious indifference despite a pretence of Christianity. He replied to her that his church going had been filled with busyness, business and emptiness - a strange admix of being absent yet occupied, of being involved, revolved, interested yet bored, held back yet thrust forward, and challenged yet letharged. To his astonishment he found himself verbalising his uncertainties. She invited him to attend her church some day but he was quick to retort that his Sundays were summarily occupied. Undaunted, she saw this as no obstacle and responded without hesitation that her church meets on Saturday. Assuming she meant that her church ALSO met on Saturday (in addition to Sunday, Monday, etc.) he asked for it's location. Saturday found him seated in the pew of a strangely familiar and comfortable worship environment. In some mysterious way he didn't notice the absence of a colourfully decorated altar, the absence of ecclesiastical vestments, incense, candles, crucifixes, nor the bells and smells. He did notice the unfamiliar hymns, but as the book-rest on the pew had provided him with a music edition of the hymnal -- with the practiced chorister's skill in "sight-reading" music -- he joined in the hymn singing with gusto (so much so that the organist caught his eye more than once during the service). All too soon the service finished and the organist hurried to greet him and ask the seemingly mandatory, "Where are you from?" To the revealed surprise of the organist, an Anglican church was cited rather than an Adventist one, and to Peter's amazement, the organist replied with an invitation for the wide-eyed visitor to don chorister's robes and join the choir for the Divine Service which was to follow. Such astonishment on both sides allows for no hesitation, and the unfamiliarity of the order of service was laid to rest, as he became absorbed in the singing, the Bible-based preaching and apparent sincerity of the believers. The shame of what happened next could only be absorbed in the reflective light of the baptism which followed a few weeks later. To the utter frustration of the spouse and daughter waiting in the car, the organist and Peter retired to a side room and spent the entire afternoon seeking biblical answers to a barrage of questions about these strange people who "seem to take this Saturday business very seriously". Fortunately, the organist's wife saved the day by curving a nose around the corner of the door jam and inviting the absorbed pair to continue their animated conversation in her lounge-room following the refreshment afforded by an evening meal. The invitation was welcomingly accepted, however temperance at the table was wasted as another form of intemperance eked the postprandile study into the wee small hours of the morning. Finally, in reluctance, with much more to learn, Peter returned home, his head spinning and his heart eager to find out more. A midweek Bible study group, personal visits by the Pastor, and the blessings of subsequent Sabbaths meant that Peter, as he came to a knowledge of further things biblical, was compelled to make some hard decisions. For many weeks he was quite able to worship on Sabbath in addition to Sunday, was able and willing to pay tithe to two churches, was content to be a Sabbath-day vegetarian, was even prepared to be baptised by immersion -- but to continue to be fully involved in the Church of England with the tuggings of SDA membership at the sleeve of his conscience, he was finally resigned to the fact that he had to choose one or the other. The Anglican Church had the strong lure of security, comfort, predictability, and the music he had grown to love over the years. The Adventist Church offered him the opportunity to be able to learn to get to know, love and share God personally and to worship Him in His way (these two factors (Peter would later realise) summed up the totality of Adventist doctrine). Peter finally broke his religious bonds with the church of his youth and, although the social ties remain until this day, the lesson for Peter is not finished yet. Watch in the next newsletter for the next episode in the continuing true-life saga of Peter Blank. "Not Finished Yet" is Copyright ((c) 2001, FreEzine) ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Article: I Will Move The Rock A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Saviour appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's mind such as: "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it." Thus giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure, these thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord. "Lord," he said, "I have laboured long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimetre. What is wrong? Why am I failing?" To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me, with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. "I, my friend, will move the rock." At times when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him... "By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains; but it is still God who moves the mountain." "I will praise you, Oh Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12 Anon - L Hartley Archives ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Aside: Many years ago, King George VI of England addressed the British Commonwealth on New Year's Eve at a moment in history when the whole world stood on the brink of uncertainty. Despondency and uncertainty filled the air. The king's own body was racked by cancer. Before that year was over, his life ended. Unaware of his own physical maladies, he uttered these memorable words: "I said to the man at the gate of the year, 'Give me a light that I might walk safely into the unknown.' And he said to me, 'Go out into the darkness, and put your hand into the hand of God. It shall be to you safer than the light and better than the known.' " -- Ravi Zacharias, "If the Foundations Be Destroyed," Preaching Today, Tape No. 142. ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Free Software - Free Office Suite - StarOffice Personal Edition 5.2 This new column has been added to FreEzine as a trial and will feature free software available from the Internet and other sources. The information will be gleaned from a variety of sources including your suggestions and FreEzine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for the programmes or their usage. This month's Freebie: StarOffice Personal Edition 5.2 A fully-integrated, Microsoft Office-compatible suite of productivity applications. This Sun Microsystem product comes equipped with a spreadsheet, word processor, presentation graphics utility, database manager, event planner, e-mail application, and news reader. StarOffice can read and write almost any Microsoft Office file, as well as ones from the other office suites (such as Corel and Lotus). This newest version offers greater reliability and performance, increased interoperability with Microsoft Office 2000, an easier-to-use interface, and full online help, wizards and documentation. StarOffice Personal Edition 5.2 Windows 95/98/NT/2000 Freeware available from http://www.softseek.com/files/review?BUGE20863sw ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Opinion: (by the editor): Behaviourally-contracted AIDS A few years ago my daughter asked me for my comment on behaviourally-contracted AIDS. This is what I wrote for her: It's not the things one thinks That keeps one safe from AIDS; It's not the things one knows Or even what one says; The thing that keeps one safe from AIDS Is how that one behaves. --------------------------- Blood transfusions and accident scenes Are minor risks By comparison - To abusing the things God created for good. Sharing a needle for abuse of the mind Sharing a body for the abuse of mankind No comparison! --------------------------- Against some diseases we can be protected By the impregnation of an innoculation Or isolation, solitation, castigation or separation Or by injection, ingestion, impression or implantation, But not so AIDS - that's next - For simple is the prescription for total protection: Stay off drugs/wait 'til marriage for sex! -- Lionel Hartley 26/11/98 ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Focus on Health: Leaky Bladders Bed-wetting is a problem that afflicts the young and the old. It can often be solved with a simple dietary modification. Protein is a necessary ingredient of the diet at all ages. It is also a diuretic. Any protein that is surplus to the body's need is metabolised for energy. Before this can happen the amino group is removed and converted to urea, which must be eliminated by the kidneys. In addition to this sulphur and phosphorus which are present in some amino acids and which are not needed must also be eliminated. These all increase the output of urine. This increased flow of urine occurs within a few hours of eating the protein. This means that high protein foods eaten at the evening meal will increase the production of urine during the night and increase the need to empty the bladder - one way or another. By shifting the protein rich foods from the evening meal to one of the other meals the production of urine during the night can be greatly reduced with less need to urinate. This can often solve a bed-wetting problem. Protein rich foods include meat, poultry, fish, cheese, eggs, nuts and legumes. Try having these at the midday meal instead of the evening meal. Foods lower in protein and ideal for the evening meal would include rice, pasta, bread, vegetables, fruit and cereal. -- Matthew Steele, http://www.lamancha.com.au ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Focus on Health (2) Soy Products Matthew Steele also provided an excellent article on Soy products, entitled, "Soy - is it safe?" Is soy a dangerous product, likely to cause breast cancer in women, lead to fertility problems in later life for babies raised on soy infant formula, and reduce brain function in older men? For answers to these questions, contact your editor (hartley@telstra.easymail.com.au) for a free copy of this article via return email. (The article was a trifle too long for publishing in FreEzine) ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Book Look: Electronic book package. Good News Multimedia CD-ROM Volume 1 - contains over four hundred items - including twenty-five electronic books by a variety of writers including Dr Des Ford, Ron Allen, Charles Spurgeon, Alexander La Brecque, Carl Barth, and others, plus a further eleven complete volume password locked electronic books, over one hundred computer desktop icons, a Microsoft(r) internet browser plus an additional twenty-eight free and shareware fully operational Bible, educational, and utility programs, over twenty video and audio clips, and a complete and fully searchable electronic edition of the King James Version of the Holy Bible. CD-ROM 7GNU001 $A24.95 Includes PP&H Available from Good News Unlimited, email goodnews@coolgold.com.au Or from your editor, email hartley@telstra.easymail.com.au Watch for an announcement soon on the release of Volume 2! ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Aside: New Year Challenge It is a mistake to be always turning back to recover the past. The law for Christian living is not backward, but forward; not for experiences that lie behind, but for doing the will of God, which is always ahead and beckoning us to follow. Leave the things that are behind, and reach forward to those that are before, for on each new height to which we attain, there are the appropriate joys that befit the new experience. Don't fret because life's joys are fled. There are more in front. Look up, press forward, the best is yet to be! -- F. B. Meyer in Our Daily Walk. Christianity Today, Vol. 40, no. 1. ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Website Review: goodnewsunlimited.org.au A new updated catalogue has been added to www.goodnewsunlimited.org.au - Check it out! Also take the opportunity to contribute to the chat-line. Bookmark this site as it contains links to other Christian sites. ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Cook's Corner: Strawberry Pie (Serves: 4) 1 frozen pie shell (9inch) / 6 cups fresh strawberries, sliced / 1 cup sugar / 3 tbsp. cornstarch / half-a-cup of water / 3 oz cream cheese, softened. Prepare and bake pie shell prepared as direction on package. Or you can prepare your own. Cool. Mash enough berries thoroughly to measure one cup. Stir together sugar and cornstarch. Gradually stir in water and crushed berries. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and boils. Boil and stir 1 minute. In a small mixing bowl beat cream cheese until smooth. Spread on bottom of cooled baked pie shell. Fill shell with remaining berries. Pour berry mixture over top. Chill at least 3 hours or until set. (Editor's comment: Yum!) ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Take a Hint: GoHip Problems Telstra Ponderings newsletter reports that number of their members have written to complain that a small advert is being attached to their outgoing messages inviting them to "Click here for Free Video" and the GoHip website is displayed. GoHip has been known to be a bit of an 'annoyance'. They provide free software, which allows users to watch video clips online. What they didn't (until recently) tell you was that the software also turns your PC into a GoHip promotional service. Once you download and install their software, all your emails will contain a promo message (as above) and your Web browser settings are modified so that it permanently displays a GoHip frame with advertisements, amongst other things. If you have downloaded the GoHip software, and wish to remove these 'enhancements', visit the URL http://www.gohip.com/remove_browser_enhancement.html and follow the instructions. --Item courtesy of Telstra Ponderings - editor@bigpond.com. ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Agony Aunt Ezine - A service provided by The Listening Post Dear Listening Post, I am a computer buff, and last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programmes and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3 and Ballgame 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from the system. I am thinking of going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but un-install does not work on this system. Can you help me?? J.S. ------------------------------- Dear J. S. This is a very common problem that men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" programme. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the programme from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend that to deal with the situation you keep and learn to love Wife 1.0. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest that you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push Apologise Button then Reset Button as soon as lockup occurs. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Although Wife 1.0 is a great programme, it is very high maintenance. -- Technical Support for Wife 1.0 (Louis Erich, lerich@sonnet.com) (c)2001 Listening Post (TM) is a trademark of the Listening Post Counselling Service. Address your questions to: listeningpost@telstra.easymail.com.au ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Letters to the Editor (hartley@telstra.easymail.com.au) (still waiting.) ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> The Funny Bone: Happy Long Hair "You know, Dad," 16-year-old Jimmy started. "I'm 16 now and I think it's time that we talk about getting a car for me to drive." "Well, I'll make a deal with you, Jimmy," his Dad replied. "We'll talk about this car idea when you bring home a good report card and you get your hair cut." A couple of months later, Jimmy brings home his report card. "Here you go, Dad. All A's!" "That's great, Jimmy," his Dad replied. "But you still haven't gotten your hair cut." "Well, Dad, while making those great grades, I was in a religion class and noticed that Jesus had long hair, all of the Apostles had long hair. Moses, Joseph and even the kings of the land all had long hair." His Dad thought about this for a second and asked, "Did you notice what else they had in common?" "No, what?" Jimmy replied. "They were all WALKING!" -- From: "Erica Grossman" ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Overheard: Happy New Year! Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--- I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished "Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie--not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! Source: AndyChap@aol.com ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Watch This Space: Future issues will include other sections not listed here. Why not write to us suggesting what you would like to see included. (hartley@telstra.easymail.com.au) ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Subscription information: FreEzine is a Free ezine magazine/newsletter, published no less than monthly. To subscribe, please send a blank message to FreEzine@telstra.easymail.com.au and type SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. To unsubscribe, please send a message to FreEzine@telstra.easymail.com.au and type UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line (we invite your comments also). Privacy: Protecting your privacy is very important to us. We will not share, rent, sell, or exchange your e-mail address with a third party for any purpose. Unsubscribing permanently removes your name and address. 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E&OE ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> : <>< : ><> Last words: The Calling Card A new pastor moved into town and went out one day to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back 'Revelation 3:20' and stuck it in the door. He hoped that the reference would lead the parishioner to read, 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hears My voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me.'" The next church day, as he was greeting people after the service, the above mentioned parishioner returned his card with the following additional notation: 'Genesis 3:10'. Smiling, the pastor recalled that this verse read, 'I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.'