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DOOM Online Handbook

A Designated Tune for the Designated Overlords Of Mankind

"Evil Will Always Triumph Because Good Is Dumb"
- Lord Dark Helmet

ATTN: DOOM Members

We are the few, the proud, and the manly! We must spread the word of manliness through testosterone driven thoughts and actions. This world is becoming a place for hippies and Whiny girls. Our honorary members would never stand for such acts as tree hugging, gun control, wearing your mother's bra, etc., and neither should we. Gun Control for a DOOM member is when we hit what we are aiming at and end its miserable life with extreme prejudice, tree hugging is when we wrap a chain around a tree and attach it to our truck when we yank the sucker down! and wearing your mother's bra is unacceptable under any and all circumstances, NO EXCUSSES!!!! Let our members be as far apart from the foo-foo-la-la trends of this world, as Pee Wee Herman's personality is to Mr. t's. I pity the foo that don't enjoy the freedoms that all DOOM members have, such as picking his nose at will, burping on command, singing at the top of his lungs a song that is sung by an ex-professional wrestler from the 1980's, and many other freedoms that only the testosterone filled members of DOOM have. I think Booger from Revenge of the Nerds said it best when he said, "DOOM members rule!" Well, I'm not sure of the exact qoute, but I'm sure he meant to say that at one time in one of those movies. As Designated Overlords Of Mankind it is our duty and honor to be all that we can be in our small but strong army of testosterone. In times of boredom we must think... "What would Calvin do?" And, in situations in which we must discerne right from wrong we must remember Hulk Hogan and his eternal words of wisdom..."Say your prayers take your vitamins too, these are the things that the DOOM members do! And remember, in times where you are lacking entertainment you must remember the eternal words of Squints words... "Hahehahe hahehahe POOL HONIES!!"

MEMBERSHIP

- New Members must be approved by at least half of the already existing members

- Members must never put hoes before bros

- Members under no circumstances are to wear pink

- Members are not allowed to watch Soap Operas or Oprah

- When communicating with girls members are to keep in mind that they are the reason that we have one less rib

- Members are to love meat and should consider it the only food group that really matters

- Members are encouraged to attend sporting events shirtless

- Members are encouraged to qoute lines from 1980's movies to further stress their arguement

- Members are to consider Elvis impersonators and alien abductees as highly poisonous and infectious creatures, and treat them accordingly

- Members are to clothe themselves in sausage links necklaces and t-bone steak underwear for any vegetarian parades

- Members are to substitute the word love with words like butt-warming or evol

- Members are to never watch Dawson's Creek or anu such shows unless there is a really hot babe hosting

- Members must recognize Thor as the most powerful super hero of all time

- When a girl asks a member a question about her looks, feelings, or cooking members are to look confused and in pain and should avoid answering at all costs

- Being a Designated Overlord Of Mankind makes members superior to regular people, therefore members must realize this when dealing with the inferior and show a little patience for these pathetic, testosterone starved people

- Members must not be able to do the splits, and the thought of doing the splits should make members cringe sharply and say OUCH!

- When troubled by a dumb girl, members are encouraged to look to heaven and say, "Give me cancer now God!" in the middle of interaction with the dumb girl

- Each new member must submit three new membership qualifications to become an official member

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