you make time s-l-o-w down, or completely drag out when I'm not around you...or while I'm waiting to hear from you. why do you have such power over me? is it too early to say i miss you? god, I'm so glad that I've learned to hold my tongue over the years. i think back to the mistakes I've made why others...being the one to say i love you...when really, it was just a lust...and me wanting to feel the love. and what do i have with you? i'm wondering all the same again...though we're taking our time...my brain is jittery and doesn't want to settle for less...or is that my heart taking over again. this fantasy of us...man, it's so strong-and i don't wanna be the one to break this chain or to push you away. if it donesn't work out-i want that to be outta my hands. god, i'm so afraid...it's almost overwhelming really. how choked i can get...how much my mind will play games on me and fucking much i hate to admit to liking, missing, growing attached to you. i care for you. not knowing whether we're are compatiable or not...but i think that stems from the lack of time we spend with each other. fuck...i wanna be yours. it's screaming out to me..but i'd never tell you that..you'd think i was crazy...and probably draw yourself further from me. i'm repeating myself again huh...i tend to do that when i feel like this? I know this...and i suppose you don't feel this at all. you said you were worried that something may have happened...when i really wish i would've heard...'i was worried as to why you hadn't replied'...well, at least you showed some interest. I would like to say that what you did was your way of saying i love you...but that is so far from your mindset and that's what i would eventually like. are we going about this all wrong? or is this the way in which soulmates work and meet? i'm lost really. all my past relationships were accomplished so differently...so, in my mind, i was wondering if doing everything backwards would bring about the 'one'...damn i'm sooo messed up. i'm worried that i'll also have a preconcived notion that's completely wrong and end up ruining what we shall call what we have...even you stated that you didn't want to know...and i don't want to be the one pressuring you...it's just at times, i just want to know that you won't stray...or that eventually, what i seek i will have. i'm truly scared and saddened at times...i don't mind waiting...yet to rush this along would be nice...i guess it's the disappointment factor that has me in knots...please don't disappoint me...i don't want to scrape my heart off the floor again...or maybe you'll crush it a different way in which i've never felt before...please please please...let this work out and for us to become one...it's cutting through me...why are you taking your time? what are we? will i ever be on the level of gf? or would you rather just have me as a fling? the choices that i've made...are they wrong? i don't want to be the one to give myself just to be left strung out, denied, heartbroken...please not this time...karma has its way w/you...and i'm afraid you'll be a lesson that i'd rather not learn...why am i so afraid?