bitter pill to swollow-admiration a fucking joke. and this is all that's been given to me. you take take take before i even have a chance to give. i must be easy to read, or so you speak. your actions that is...they are the loudest bout of bullshit i've ever heard. why do i come back for more. i keep telling myself to protect my being. why would i lie to my soul? betrayed by me? that's what i've done the best of in the past and i keep trying to finally gain control...in that aspect...control in a way that i will no longer just hold up some shitty defense mechanism...rather, my fucking defense will be allowing myself to react and put my plans into action-even if that is to cut off your fucking balls and string them around your decaying carcuss...w/the cutting being the first step in the torutre in which i will use to finally take your life...your breath...finally you'll pay your dues. though...the shit i feel is priceless-don't get me wrong, not because i'm reciving it from you, but because it comes from ME...in all it's rotting glory. and as much as I am self-deprecating...i know i am worthy from time to time. and i know that i'm letting you play w/ my mind. it will end. believe me. i'm gonna get myself back, completely...no matter how much you gloat about taking pieces from me, or of me. watch your fucking step...it's a steep decline to reality.