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Knock Knock,
Who's there?
Aardvark!
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!

Yes, you guessed write! It’s the one… the only… the one and only… M.A.S.!!! (well, my brother doesn’t agree. I ain’t an only child, you see.)


But seriously, dumb jokes apart, well… you have to admit, when
I come in, even the DUMBEST JOKES (like you) fall apart.

It’s nice having you around, tho, That’s coz u r pretty as a picture—and I’d love to hang you.

 

I have a certain pal who is--- shall we say--- pleasantly plump. Well, he’s lost quite a few KG’s now, - 30, to be exact. I asked him how he did it, and he says – ‘ It was easy, I simply cooked for myself. When I wasn’t poisoning me, I was busy burning water!’ 

I asked him when he decided he ought to lose weight, he says to me-‘ When the cops arrested me for jay-walking three times. AND I WAS ONLY  STANDING AT THE CORNER WAITING FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE!’

 

Did you hear about Stevie Speilberg’s latest flick? He plans to make a kung-fu thriller about gr8 musicians. According to rumors, he called Brad Pitt, Tom cruise and Arnold Schwarzenegger to ask them who they wanted to be. Said  Brad, ‘I want to be Beethoven.’

Tom, who was lost in thought said, ‘ Make me Mozart.’

They turned to Arnold then, and asked him-  ‘And You? Who’d u want to be??’

He turned to them forbiddingly, and said, ‘I’ll be Bach.
                                                  (
%$#*!)

 

 

 

Ok, I can hear you screaming and pleading with me to stop this torture already, so here’s my last…

 

 

THINGS TO DO DURING EXAMS:-

 Warning: You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. One word: WRESTLE MANIA!

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

                                                       Thaaat’s all folks!