Welcome to The Crunch Website!

The Only Zine With Cowbell Fever!

Email Address: crunch_editors@yahoo.com

Snail Mail Address: Crunch Editors - 13110, 183rd ave, SE - Snohomish, WA 98290

Hey peoples!

This is the brand new, fantastically fabulous website for the outstanding, and might I add, "fricken extreme" zine, THE CRUNCH! You may have already read the zine, and you may even help to create it, but I'll tell you what it is anyway. The Crunch is a zine made by a group of very cool and talented adolescent girls. It discusses many great things such as politics, philosophy, sushi, chickens, COWBELL FEVER (it's a percussionist thing, don't ask), and the art of playing the tambourine. There are lots of interviews with people you know, who may very well prove to know the secrets of the universe. It also contains bits of fine art, such as the occasional haiku, factoid and photographs taken by the editor's very own zine camera! Because many of the things and all the readers are centered around our school (Monroe Junior High) We tend to put out most of the issues between September and June. However, this is the reason we are beginning a mailing list. We plan on putting out one or two issues during the summer, so if you want them, you've gotta let us know. 

How do I get this fricken extreme zine?

Now that you have heard this, I am sure that you are thinking, "Wow! How do I get the next issue of this fricken extreme zine?" Well it's very simple my mentally challenged American chums. All you have to do is write an email and type, "Hey cool peoples! I want an issue of your great zine! Please put me on your mailing list! My name is _________! My email address is _________! My home address is ___________! and my phone # is _____-_____-_______!" Then click *send* and a miracle will happen. We will receive your very words on our own computer and we will put you on our mailing list and send you the next issue of the crunch! You can also write to our snail mail address with the same information.

Some words about costs-

As of this moment, The Crunch is a free zine. However, we are sometimes low on resources that are necessary for creating a great Crunch issue, such as paper, ink, ideas and chips ahoy cookies. We are discussing putting a small fee on the Crunch, as low as 25 or 50 cents. This would help pay for the costs, and then everyone would be happy. If you're in a really nice mood (please be), you could also donate money to us (please do)! (don't worry, we know that probably no one will, but we're really very hopeful) We'll love you forever if you do! No really, we won't get mad at you or curse your name if you send money for the cause! You can send us things at our snail mail address (listed above, my visually challenged friends)

Some words about The Crunch staff-

As of this moment, our staff is wonderful and very brilliant. It's not that big, but that's okay, because we can introduce them all:

There's Hayley Sayre the drummer chick who acts like Animal on the drum set and can peel a banana with her toes. (Of course, she's the one who has the camera, so she had to take a picture of herself.)  

There's Quinn Johnston the scuba diving princess who has Simon the wonderful, rabid, sister-eating cat and thinks that raccoons do not die.               

Marissa Buttolph, the British wannabe who has the worlds biggest crush on Ian and thinks that "twipsy" is a real word. 

Shaumbra Shreve who has the biggest collection of Archie comic books and the world's best aura.  

Last but not least, Emily Baker who thinks that there are Apache Indians living in the school gym (ask her about it!).

That's our small but brilliant Crunch Committee. They're all very cool, intellectual, talented adolescent girls. Oh, we can't forget our mascot, Nathan (the one, the only, the furry, the beastly, the sexy, the intellectual, the intimidating, the possibly gay and otherwise titled) Mammoth. He's really very cool for an extinct mammal that is only four inches tall. Anyway, we're not low on staff right now, so if you're interested in joining the Crunch Committee, then contact us at our email or snail mail address's. It's a really cool thing to do! You don't get paid much (if at all) but it's good clean fun and you get to write articles and make up stupid jokes and take pictures and give interviews and hang with some *fricken extreme* cool people with way too much cowbell fever! (it's a drummer chick thing, please don't ask) Plus, then you can say that your mascot is a four inch mammoth! We'd really appreciate any help from our hopelessly devoted and rather charming readers. I would say that "we wouldn't be where we are today without you (tear)", but you guys really haven't done anything useful yet. But it's not too late! Don't despair, you can always do something helpful, like donate money, time, resources or your pancreas to the Crunch's cause, and then we'll say that "we wouldn't be where we are today without you (tear)". 

We'd love to hear from you!

We adore getting reader mail, so write to us, even if you haven't got anything to say! We'd like your comments, questions, résumés, and letters to the editors. You can also just, you know, drop a line to say a friendly hello. (just fill the inbox people) We welcome submissions from our readers! We'd love to publish your ARTICLES, POETRY, BOOK REVIEWS, or ANYTHING ELSE you can think of, but it has to have a bit of COWBELL FEVER involved. We interview people all the time, so if you're interesting, then write to us and we'll ask you some bizarre questions and call it an interview. Unfortunately, we cannot publish your artwork at this time, however, we're working on it. In fact, I just got a good idea, but I have to run it by my crew first. So zwee zwee bop until you write us!   

A bit of thanks-

Special thanks to some special people. We can't thank every poor soul who has helped us, but we'll try. No hard feelings if we don't mention your name. (You can remind us and we'll feel bad about it.) So lots of thanks to Emily Baker, who comes over sometimes to help me put it together when the rest of my crew (who don't live as close as Emily) can't come help me meet those frantic deadlines. The next time you see Emily, tell her thanks and ask about Apache Indians in the school gym. Thanks to Erin, Katy L., Katie H., Candace, The Walmsly, The White, Phillip the potato, Bartholomew the Chicken, Oswald the Fish, and anyone else we've interviewed for the benefits of the zine. Thanks to the rest of our hardworking American chums, (shall we name a few?) AHEM: 

Scary Emily D., "red hair impression" Erin, "most difficult to place a personality trait for" Shayla, Giggly Jessica, normal Jessica, opposite sex Jessie and weird Jessica (who is actually Ashley in disguise), "Lydz" Lydia, "intimidating" Stephanie, "Gracey Lou Freebush" Grayce, "dimples" Andrea, "fuzzy" Angela, normal Brittany and weird Brittany, "Shumey" Shaumbra, "toad boy" Stephan, "wellwellwellwellwell" Amara, My Friend Libby, the wonderful wonderful Jill Pruss, "Apache Indian" Emily, "scary glasses" Cami H, "giggles" Anna, my hero Florence Nightingale, Nigel the Cow, Ashley, who doesn't actually exist, the "ohsostrange" Heather, Ferris Bueler, A.J. with the unpronounceable name, "beat drums!" Hayley, Old Man Bummer, Katie A., Katy L. and Katie H., weird Kristen and normal Kristin, Big Bird, Janelle, Georgia Nicholson, The very invisible Leopold, Richard Simmons,    "I eat flies" Agnes, "Morton hears a who" Sara, The Walmsly-"Hi Lisa, this is Heather!" The White-"Hi Heather, this is Lisa!" Normal Jennifer, annoying Jenny and weird Jennifer, "I've had a lot of sex" Mr. Lunder, Oswald The Great, The EX drummer chick Morgan, Linerd Skinner, Paul Simon, "I've got a fever and the only cure is more cowbell", Salty The great, "bummer dude" Kelsey, Izzi, Party dog the great, "Swanny" Amber, Chicken and Brawwwk, Simon the wonderful rabid, sister eating cat, K-dog "is goin down", Sam "what?" Henderson, Bob Phelps the milkman, Candace-("who?" "that girl with the chickens." "oh her."), Beany the great, "the almighty Squeegee" Quinn, Jimmy Buffet who is apparently lost in margarita land, The Great Gonzo, COWBELL FEVER, The Cami eating plant, The wonderful, wonderful Lucy Blue, "too many solos" Caleb, My friend Jill J., scary Mandy, "on pot" Keith, Mr. Dibiase (lumberjack man), The ever strange Tom, Sarah ("who?" "that girl who plays the bass." "oh her")  strange Lauren and normal Lauren, Bartholomew the chicken, Nathan (otherwise titled) the furry mammoth, Dick Cheney (who is living in my basement),  AND so many more that we can't be bothered with. All those peoples put up with us when we make the zine, especially around deadline week. Oh, we really hate to do this, but thanks to Hayley's brother Graham for showing us how to make a website. Thanks Graham. 

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this website, Bartholomew the Chicken thinks you're cool. No thanks to those who didn't. Barty thinks you're dumb and he sends a curse upon your name.       

A few favorite photos taken by the Crunch Camera!

Just to give you an idea about the great photos we put in our zine, here's a few favorites! The chicken represents peace. From left to right, top to bottom we have: 

Katie H, Candace, Angela, peace chicken, Tom (representing modern art, apparently), The Walmsley, Quinn's hand, an empty desk and Kimri's knees, Katie H's chucks, A.J., Sam's feet, Sam's other feet, Angela's feet, A.J.'s foot and backpack, Hayley's empty shoe, Hayley's filled shoes, Katie H's feet, Keith's feet, the nickel revolt terrorists, Katie H. deep in thought,  Hayley's fricken extreme goldfish Oswald, Jessie H., the very very invisible Leopold, one of the three Jennifer's, Emily D., Shayla, Quinn, the bummer twins (Erin and Jennifer #1), Sam, Katy, Lydia, Erin waving her sandwich around in the air. Our last 7 pictures on this page were voted some of the best yet, especially that first one, which is Erin just waking up from our "camping trip" in Shaumbra's back yard. Love the hair Erin! (she is going to kill me for putting that on here!) Apparently neither Erin, Shaumbra or Heather are morning peoples. There's also Angela (with the best I've seen her hair all year), Barty the chicken and a cow and half-awake Shaumbra.