Redemptionista Wars...
Play theme
Not long ago, over in a little one-horse California burb...
AS THE BUFFYVERSE REPUBLIC CONTINUED ITS STEADY COLLAPSE FOLLOWING
THE DEATH OF QUEEN BUFFY, THE BATTERED SURVIVORS CONSIDERED THE
FATE OF THE BUFFYVERSE...A MAJORITY OF THE FORCES OF LIGHT PUT ALL
THEIR TRUST IN ANGEL, CHANCELLOR OF THE BUFFYVERSE REPUBLIC, TO
LEAD THEM THROUGH THESE DARKENING TIMES...BUT SOME, AMONG
THEM THE QUEEN’S OLDEST FRIENDS, BACK IN SUNNYDALE,THE
ANCIENT CAPITOL, DISTRUSTED THEIR CHANCELLOR AND SO
SOUGHT TO KEEP ABSOLUTE POWER FROM HIS HANDS...OF
NECESSITY THEY TURNED TO PRINCE WILLIAM OF
WALTHROP, A CREATURE ONCE OF DARKNESS...
NOW RECLAIMED BY LOVE OF THE DYING
QUEEN AND CHOSEN TO RULE...
DESIGNATED WITH HER
AUTHORITY AT HER
DYING REQUEST...
LEARNING FROM HIS AGENTS THAT THE QUEEN HAD BEEN RESURRECTED AND
HAD TAKEN WILLIAM AS CONSORT, THE CHANCELLOR RALLIED FORCES AGAINST THEM, CLAIMING THAT THE QUEEN WAS A PRISONER IN WALTHROP’S CONTROL...LOYAL SUPPORTERS OF THE QUEEN
AND HER CONSORT, KNOWN AS “REDEMPTIONISTAS
HAVE RALLIED TO THEM AND A REVOLT HAS
BEGUN AGAINST THE CHANCELLOR ...
***
Play Battle theme
Chancellor Angel greets the resurrected Queen and "welcomes" the new Prince Consort-during negotiations...
"what's with the mask, Angel?..." "LA smog, your grace...It ruins the hair..."
The treacherous Chancellor secretly finances the Troika Lords' massive attack...
...Troika Lords' March..."]
Nerds with really big guns...
Buffy-bots to the attack...God, the Queen is gonna be pissed...
***
The revolt begins...September, 2001...
***
Hello, I'm Ted Koppel and this is Nightline...
Tonight...Sunnydale, capital of the Buffyverse falls to the redemptionista
forces...
Potentially ending the summer-long civil war in the Buffyverse...
And with the surrender of Sub-Marshall Gellar to the redemptionistas...It is
announced that Queen Buffy will accept William the Bloody as her new
consort...At least in some variant of his human poet form...
The essentially leaderless forces of the Angel faction retreat in panic to
LA...Now their last remaining stronghold... as the jubiliant forces of the
redemptionistas celebrate their victory...While the leader of the Angel forces
broods in silence...Over ‘his’ city...
As usual...
We'll speak with General Dreg, commander of the redemptionista forces from
Sunnydale...And with our special military analyst, General Norman
Schwartzoff...
All this and more...As Nightline continues...
***
General Schwartzoff, lets start with you...How did the redemptionistas, once a
rag-tag band of sentimentalists manage to overwhelm the supposedly superbly
equipped and entrenched Angel forces?...
Well, Ted, I think we can see a comparison in the fall of France in 1940 to the
Nazi panzer armies...Back then the French put their trust in a static defensive
line, the Maginot Line and essentially tried to refight the last war...Here,
the Angel supporters decided to fight using the standard Buffyverse canon as
their fall-back defense...
Meaning that they counted on Spike, a vampire demon, having no soul...And no
chance of redemption...Thereby being an unsuitable candidate to overthrow Angel
in Buffy's heart and lead a redemptionista victory?...
Exactly Ted...However the William the Bloody Poet forces simply took their
position from that architect of the Buffyverse, Generalismo Whedon...Who
changed the canon at will to suit himself and the needs of his universe...Vamps
entering churches with Adam...Spike's age changing...the mirror thing...
And in short, they changed the canon...To allow for Spike's redemption as human
Will?...
Well that point is still a sticky one...And may lead to new divisions among the
redemptionistas themselves...But I think they took a practical approach to
their problem and found a new solution...Although it must be pointed out that
the original vamp canon, as in the original Dracula novel did allow for the
human soul of a vampire to be trapped in a kind of limbo...
So that their position is not entirely without precedent?...
Exactly Ted...
We'll be back with more from Sunnydale....
***
General Dreg, we'll turn to you now...
Ah, thank you sir...And a thousand times a thousand greetings to your dear
audience...
Yes...Well...How do you account for the failure of the leader of the Angel
forces to make a stand at the capital?...
Ah...Sir, well one must be gracious to the defeated and admit the effect of the
fortunes of war...Angel was, after all, tied down in Los Angeles fighting the
rebel forces of Marshalls Darla and Drusilla...no doubt he was unprepared for
our lightening strike...
Yet he was touring the area...Just before your own former commander, Glorificus
began her attack...
Well, sir...When my unfortunate former commander brought her forces to besiege
the capital, it is true that Angel was nowhere to be found...On a
reconnaissance of another dimension I understand...Most unfortunate for him...
As it did lead to Buffy's death...Which would have put a crimp in their
relationship under any circumstances?...
Indeed sir...However he in all honesty can not be blamed for the network revolt
which gave our forces their chance...
But he did not insist on staying to defend Sunnydale?...
That is true, sir...
***
We now go to the home of Queen Buffy...
Your Majesty...We understand that you are a bit...Unsettled...As yet...Just
being back from the dead...But can you tell us...What your position is now that
the redemptionista forces have defeated the Angel army?...
Ummn...I was dead...Ummn...But Spike was, I guess...Nice to Dawn, my
sister...She says he saved her...And he did try to help me...Ummn...
And do you feel there can be a relationship between you and William the
Bloody?...
Ummn...I was dead...Ummn...but I think I understand him a little better
now...Ummn...He was very nice this summer to my friends...Course I...Can't
really love a demon....But if there is a leetle something of human Will
there...I think I should try to help him, you know...
And Angel?...
He isn't here...He always goes away...And he doesn't seem to need me...The way
Will seems to ...Ummn...I was dead, you know...It's all a leetle unsettled
right now...
Thank you, Your Majesty...
***
We're talking to Leroy, 13 year old fanatic Angel supporter...
Angel, forever...keep Spike dark...damn the redumptionistas and all that
sentimental stuff!!...Delete 'em, killfile 'em!!...
Please don't pop your pimples on national television, Leroy...But can you tell
us why a nice fellow like human Will the poet can't have a chance...After all,
human Liam...Well...Didn't seem all that likable...
That nerd...Will is dead, gone...THE CANON SAYS SO!!!!!!!!....Killfile 'em,
delete 'em...
But can't the canon be changed at...Forgive the pun...Will?...
NO NO NO NO...
But I have a copy of the novel Dracula here...And it clearly describes Von
Helsing and Harker freeing the souls trapped in the bodies of Dracula's
victims...Even Dracula himself experiences peace at the end...Couldn't it be
conceivable that Will the human is somehow...Trapped or buried in Spike and...
MOM!!!!...NONONO...THE CANON SAYS SO!!!...I'll killfile you, I'll delete you...
But Mr Whedon just told us...He hadn't reread Dracula in a while and had simply
forgotten to include the "human soul still linked but in limbo" clause to the
Buffyverse canon...
NONONO...
Thank you, Leroy...
We'll be back...
***
We go now to the office of Prime Minister Giles...
Now returned from a brief exile during the last days of the siege...
Mr. Prime Minister, welcome to Nightline...
Thank you, Ted...
I understand you have been a secret supporter of the redemptionista forces for
some time now...
Yes...Well, Will and I share the same basic goal...Buffy's happiness...
And you felt that Angel...
Well...You see Ted, Angel has one basic personality...That of an egotistical
twit...Flip him to evil...He is Angelis, maniacal villian bent on nursing every
petty grievance his human counterpart Liam ever felt at whatever cost to all
Humanity...Flip him 180 degrees to good...Angel...Brooding hero bent on
achieving his redemption by saving the world at whatever cost to the one who
loves him...
The same person really, just different motivations...Save the world, destroy
the world...Pretty much just flipping a coin really...And of course his own
redemption and shot at Heaven...
Ah...And so Spike's difference is?...
Well, Spike and his counterpart, human Will care about Buffy...First and
foremost...Without thought of personal salvation...A long overdue situation for
our dear Queen I assure you...
Though we...Meaning Science Advisor Willow and myself...Intend to get him
through those pearly gates...For Buffy's sake...
Well, interesting points for the future...
Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister...
Thank you, Ted..
.
We'll be back...
***
Prince Riley, faithless commander of the Sunnydale mercenaries, saw the writing on the wall as
regards the military position and has fled to Belize...
A reward of ten cents is rumored to have been posted for his head by the
redemptionista government...
With the enthusiastic support of Queen Buffy, we understand...
***
Chancellor's entrance
In LA, subcapital of the Grand Buffyverse Republic, a furious Chancellor Angel, vice-leader of the forces of Light, ponders his next move...
Well, two dim-witted blondes united...One undead, the other back from the dead...
Angel will deal...
For now...The mask of the brooding hero, content to stand in Queen Buffy’s short shadow...Damn hard to do, too...Must be maintained...A message pledging his undying undead loyalty is sent to Sunnydale...
But there’ll be another day...
Just a matter of convincing those idiot junior fighters for good that William of Walthrop, the Bloody Will is the real foe...
For Angel...the new Christ?...No problemo...Just a few solemn broods over the fate of the Queen and the Republic and they’ll be eating out of his hand...
Hmmn...Wonder how she’s doing for cash back there?...
***
Part II...
This just in...Rumors of a massing of Buffyverse Republican forces under the command of the Chancellor on the LA/Sunnydale line have been confirmed...A Republican spokesperson has issued a statement that the Chancellor seeks the safe return of the Queen and the surrender of the ancient capital of the Buffyverse...It is said that the Queen has departed to the front to
determine an appropriate course of action...
Possibly suggesting an opening of negotiations with her Chancellor...
However the Queen has denied any rumors of a falling-out with her new
consort...
[Suggested Buffy and Spike Love Theme...Luke and Leia from "The Return of the Jedi..."]
"Spike stayed...Riley left, Angel left...Ummn I was dead, you know...But if
Will...Keeps on trying, you know...I should try to help him..."
We'll keep you posted as Nightline continues from Sunnydale...
***
And now back with more I'm Ted Koppel and this is Nightline...
Dark clouds may loom over the redemptionista horizon as the Buffyverse
financial crisis continues...
Although rumors that the Queen might have attempted to secure financial support
during her recent negotiations with the leader of the Republican forces appear to
be groundless, the puzzling lack of action on the part of Prince Consort
William has led to doubts of his fitness for the throne...
For the moment, fiscal collapse has been averted by the actions of Prime
Minister Giles but the situation remains in flux and unstable...
***
Afraid you got your facts mixed up, Ted. An advisor notes, off the record...
Our Queen did not meet with the sinister Angel to "negotiate" but rather to persuade him to
surrender and accept his proper role as an eunuch. Unfortunately, the
vile renegade refused and left us with no choice but to continue the
assault on his last stronghold. Onward to L.A.!
>Commander Mnkohrz
My Leader, a bridge too far, I fear...Commander General Dreg is quoted as saying...
And it was...The campaign was a disaster...Blamed on the Queen and her Will through neither was actually involved...
A truce has been declared...For now...
***
LA...The Chancellery...
Chancellor's entrance
(enter Chancellor Angel, solus)
[...Play Battle Theme...]
Time for his broadcast to the people of the Buffyverse Republic...Anxiously awaiting explaination of the Queen's
...And the Chancellor's...Recent actions...
He takes position at his podium, broadcasting mike tested and ready
A quick test of his best Christ come down to save Mankind pose...And the TV cameras go on...
"Now is the summer of our discontent made glorious autumn by the rising blonde sun of Sunnydale...
The sadness which had blasted our hearts turned to cheer...Our stern alarums turned to merry meetings...
Evil dispelled, and joy brought back to our hearts...
Our beloved Queen is with us again...For those of you who are capable of happiness, now is the time to rejoice..."
(the sad look of the tragic hero, doomed to unhappiness, but pleased to see all around him rejoice...)
He pauses..."No one can be more pleased than I, her Chancellor and junior (junior?!!! he grouses within) partner in the fight against evil..."
(from a window in the control room, off the main hall where the Chancellor speaks, Wesley is seen waving the high sign...Polls are running a positive reaction to the speech...)
(Morons...the Chancellor leers within...)"And we have further cause to hope for
the happiness of our Republic
The Queen has, it seems, chosen a Consort"
(...that tramp...can't keep out of the sack five minutes it seems, even when she's been dead all summer...he thinks, pausing)
"While some of us, justly concerned with her fate...May wonder about that choice...Our new Prince Consort..."
(blonde Brit bastard!...twit!...and short, to boot...he thinks)"...will prove worthy no doubt..."
(thank God the twit will probably leave her childless...Some vampires got it...Some...Don't)
"We look forward therefore to a grand and happy year..." (Right...)
(the broadcast ends)
...but I...I who am cheating by Fate of any claim to "Happiness"...What am I gonna do now?...
(Wesley waves from the broading room...Sir?!...)
Standing around while those two blonde morons rule over the Republic...Contenting myself with the devotion
of my LA worshippers and the occasional joyless night of sex with some needy type?
(he waves to the now frantic Wes...Hi Wes, good broadcast, huh?..oughta hold the little bastards)
Like hell!...And with my Connor to provide for...Hell I am gonna let some Brit twit kid of theirs take the throne...?
Well, say there is no Buffy then for Angel...Well, hell...I only let Angelis back cause I couldn't stand her
Hoped the little insane maniac would deal with her...But no, he likes to do it the...slow...way...
Well, he's had his chance and now I...(Wes runs out...Sir!...Your mike is still on...We were waiting for the press to phone in questions, remember?...)
"Holy #@$%@!!!..."
***
Tonight, news from Sunnydale where Queen Buffy and Prince Consort William
celebrate their first joint victory over the dark forces as a couple...Repulsing the first attacks of the Republican forces...
Despite some recent doubts about Prince William's fitness raised during the
financial crisis of the last days, his sterling performance in the battle has
removed most doubts...
However, a few oppositionists remain...
We go now to one, Leroy, 13 year old fanatic supporter of Angel...
And to Queen Buffy and Prince William who have graciously consented to join
us...
Welcome back to Nightline, Leroy...
"NO,NO...I'll Killfile you all...Send Spike away...Angel forever..."
"Young man, my Consort is to be addressed as Prince Consort William now..."
"Sod off, you little twerp, William is in, Brooding Christ Jr is out..." Turns
to Buffy..."Sorry, love but one has to be harsh with these types..."
"NO...Ummn...What about...the money...Spike played kitty poker...Bah...He
didn't help at all..."
"I went to Angel first...He wasn't any help...At least Will came in my life and
death battle tonight...Say...Don't I know you?..."
Buffy pulls head off Leroy
Revealing...Angel...
"I knew it..."
Quite a surprise, ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have the leader of the
Republican forces here with us...
"Ummn...Buffy...Ummn...Majesty....You never asked for a loan in so many words..."
"I told you Princess Dawn and I were out of cash, Chancellor, losing the palace, the nation in jeopardy...
And how the hell could you just let me go back to Sunnydale just back from the
dead...Funny how you were able to risk sex with Darla and all...But couldn't
spare a few days with me...Too busy seizing power, huh?...If it hadn’t been for William..."
Well...The sex with Darla thing...Didn't make me happy...
"uh-huh"...
See...Majesty...I thought it over and I'm ready to risk my redemption to be with
you...Once in a while...If it doesn't interfere with my world-saving...Maybe a
weekend stay-over once a month...
"Tell it to Darla...Come on Spike, I should have always known...Yous the boy
for me...Chancellor Angel..."
“Your Majesty...?”
“Take your men and go home...I hereby call for new elections...”
Like hell...
“What was that?...”
“Ummn...I said... “Well...?” As in...I’m not truly sure this is the best course...For your sake, Majesty...No, I think I must demand that you return with me...My only interest is your well-being, Buf...”
“Sod off while your legs are working, mate...Boys...The Chancellor is leaving...”
Buffy?...He stares..,
Hmmn...She’s picked up a lot from Spike in these last weeks, hasn’t she...?
“I’ll be back...I’ll be back!!...Hey!...Don’t touch the face...”
A dramatic ending to our broadcast, that's for sure...
I'm Ted Koppel...Good night...
***
Part III...
[Suggested Buffy and Spike Love Theme...Luke and Leia from "The Return of the Jedi...]
Hopes for the redemptionista forces are beginning to fade with talk of a
possible withdrawl from the Buffyverse capital at Sunnydale as the situation
deteriorates for supporters of Consort Prince William...
Despite their recent couplings
and Queen Buffy's surprising initiative in
their last encounter the lack of anything that could be called real feeling on her
part and the gallant Prince's increasing awareness
that the situation may be hopeless...If not serious...Has shaken the foundations of the new government.
Displaying not the slightest interest in or sympathy with his tragic plight
or in his redemption...Making no effort to reach out to him
emotionally...Despite her knowledge of his gentle human past...The resurrected Queen
seems bent on
relegating our hero to mere "bad-boy" love status....
And now a new menace has appeared...The sinister Troika Lords...Warren, Andrew, and Jonathan who have attacked the capital, bent on taking it with their robot army of Buffy-
lookalikes...Reinforced secretly by the sinister Chancellor...
***
Before Prince William's speech
The noble Prince Consort William of Walthrop descends from the ramparts of a
besieged Sunnydale to address his forces for the final great battle which
will...One way or the other...Finally settle the Redemptionista cause...
Though still trouble by the mercurial nature of his beloved Queen and the
rumors of her shifting allegiances he is buoyed by recent evidence of her
support and affection...As are all in the valiant Redemptionista ranks...
"Friends, Redemptionistas, Reformed Underdwellers, and the rest of you sot...
Tommorrow is the anniversary of the beginning of our successful
revolution...When we turned the dark Fate of the Buffyverse around and freed it
from the hideous tyranny of the self-appointed new Christ..."
(from their subterranean lair the scum-sucking Troika Lords listen...And quake
with fear)
"Geesch, Spike..." Princess Dawn bellyaches... "Wish we had more guys from
UCal-Sunnydale here..."
"Ah...Who's that who asks for more...Ms. Nibs?...
Nay, do not ask for more, sister...Rather if anyone in our ranks should wish to
leave let him or her do so...Let her or his purse be filled and a safe conduct
granted...We would not die in that one's company..."
Go on Xander...Anya hisses...Take the cash and lets get out of here...
Anya...Hero here...Xander hisses back...Earning my right to reclaim your hand,
you know...
"We few...We happy few...We band of Brothers and Sisters...For tommorrow every
man and woman's my brother or sister and I his or hers...
And couch potatoes watching on their tellys shall think themselves accursed
that they did not fight on the great day of the Battle of Sunnydale...
(Hey man...Lord Andrew nervously looks at Lord Warren...He doesn't seem all
that down...
He'll crack...Warren sneers...Sorry am I that his numbers are so few, his ranks
so depleted by defectors and indigestion...His attempts to win Buffy so poorly
mounted, so dim...
Oh, peace Prince Warren...Lord Jonathan interjects...You do underestimate this
Prince...Observe my brothers how nobly the young Consort has conducted himself,
tirelessly fought for his Queen in countless conflicts...allowed himself to be
beaten silly...All for love of his Queen...
And does she appreciate it? Warren counters...I dont think so...)
Prince William continues...
"And down through the years those who have lived tommorrow's battle will tell
the tale of the feats she did that day...William, The Prince...Xander, his good right...well his
helper...Willow and Tara his advisors...Dawn and Anya...And..."
Is Buffy even coming?..Anya hisses to Xander...
"And...You, good yeomen Redemptionistas...Dishonor not your parents tommorrow
and prove that the education in redemptive Buffylore you've been given was not
wasted...Which I doubt not..."
"Here comes the Herald of LA my liege..."
"Well, gentle herald...? Dru?...Get on with it, lass..."
Oh...
"Spike, Daddy Angelis...er Angel says if you surrender to his
authority...Today...And...er...Miss Edith?...Oh, right...
If you surrender today and hand your Buffy over to Angel he'll settle the hash
of the three little ones..."
(Pfffh...Warren sneers, watching...He hired us...)
"Oh...And he'd like all the ratings treasures of Sunnydale as ransom..."
"My ransom, dear heart is this vampiral trunk..." Dru looks puzzled...
My bod, girl...
"I don't think he wants you Spike..." she sighes...
I mean...Nevermind...Right..Well...
"Come no more for ransom, gentle herald..."
Ummn...Dru stares at him...
"Tell him...'Sod off'...Dearheart..."
Oh...She nods...Well...she turns to Miss Edith...
"Farewell, Spike...Thou shalt never hear herald any more..."
"Very nice, Dru..."
Troika Lords' Attack
"My prince!...The legions of the Troika are in the field!..."
(You were supposed to take them by surprise, moron...Warren whacks Lord
Andrew...
Shouldn't we be in the field?...Lord Jonathan notes...
Ummn...Yeah...But we're the Commanders...We can take our time, Warren
sniffs...)
The Prince mounts to the ramparts, calling down...
"Everyone to their post then...Cry God for William, Buffy, and
Redemption!!!..."
"GOD FOR WILLIAM, BUFFY, AND REDEMPTION!!!!"
Prince William's theme
[Suggested Buffy and Spike Love Theme...Luke and Leia from "The Return of the Jedi..."]
***
Part IV...
[Play Battle theme]
As the Battle of Sunnydale rages on...And the Redemptionista forces of Prince William waver in the fight against the sinister Troika Lords...With rumors of the Prince’s fleeing the field, the Queen’s flight from him, and the possible defection of Lady Willow to the ranks of Darkness spreading confusion and doubt...
The Chancellor of the Buffyverse Republic prepares to “rally aid” for the Queen from his subcapital in LA...
Or does he?...
***
Chancellor Angel watches reports of the battle from the office, chuckling evilly...As his aide Wesley awaits orders...
“Soon that fop of a reaminated poet will be destroyed, the Queen dead or back in my hands, and the Buffyverse at my feet...” he sneers...
Who needs one’s insane evil demon at hand to commit great crime and betrayal...Hell, Angelis was holding me back...All that time wasted building up to a couple of murders of people almost no one cared about...
“Ah...sir...?” Wesley interrupts...
Now me, I make practical use of evil...And maintain my mask as the junior leader of the Forces of Light in the Buffyverse Republic...
“Sir...?”
“That says it all...Doesn’t it, Wes...? Junior leader...” he sneers...
Me...The new Christ...You’ve seen my campaign commercial, right...? With thousands of adoring innocents looking up to me...Their new God...
Not that I intend allowing elections anytime soon...The civil war I’ve stirred up is too much of a crisis to allow that right now...Fortunately...
“Ah...Chancellor Angel...”
What?
“Sire...Your intercom is on...Your fellow evil-fighting delegates in the Grand Hall can hear you...”
Son of a ...!
***
In the Grand Hall the courageous but clueless delegates of the Buffyverse Republic make protests against the Republic’s slowness in providing aid to the besieged Queen at Sunnydale...
“My friends...” Chancellor Angel smiles out at the crowd from his podium...A Christ-like look on his noble face...
“I want to help our Queen...We all want to help her Majesty...”
But we must consider what is the best way to help her...
“So long as she foolishly puts her trust in that reprobate William of Walthrop...” he sighes...
“A side effect of her resurrection, no doubt...”
Our hands are tied...We cannot entrust the Republic to her and this dangerous fellow in her current condition...
But...Young Gunn protests from the floor...Why has no aid been sent to Sunnydale to fight the Troika Lords...
I’m not even gonna bother asking about Glory, he thinks...
“Why, noble Lord Gunn...Aid has been offered...” the Chancellor smiles...And strikes his pose of world-defending champion...
I myself stand ready to rush to Sunnydale with all the forces at the Republic’s disposal...
But...Sadly...
The Queen’s “consort” has refused aid unless we hand our troops over to his command...A dangerous precedent you will agree...
“Our herald, Drusilla has even now just returned bringing his refusal...”
You sent Drusilla...? Gunn and others look...
“She has been won over to our cause...Under psychiatric observation of course...And who better to appeal to William’s better nature...”
Which...Angel sighes...I am sure...Given the Queen’s perhaps misplaced faith in him...He must have...
Somewhere...
“But, my friends...If you are all in agreement...I shall even today lead a relief force to Sunnydale to save our Queen from the vile Troika...”
Might as well he thinks...They’re sure costing me enough in support cash...
And it’d be kinda nice to get a gander at those Buf-bots...
Cheers erupt from the delegates for their noble Chancellor...Which he modestly acknowledges...
Striking the image of a humble Christ...
***
Clad in battle armor the Chancellor reviews his forces at the gates of LA, ready to march...
“My Lord Chancellor!...” Wesley flies to him...
Hey, Wes...Angel retains his “everyday guy” approach for the benefit of the troops...
“Sir...LA is in revolt...Your evil backers the Network Executives have cut off their support and are formenting against you!...”
What!...but...
“It’s as I warned your Excellency...Our ratings barriers have been weakening...”
Damn...I knew I should have made more public appearances...
“Our only hope is now to march on Sunnydale, capture the Queen and the rating treasures within
and re-establish your power base from there...”
God...Sunnydale...I hate the suburbs...the Chancellor groused...
“Sir...We better march before the troops learn we no longer have a government...Or a treasury...”
Yeah, yeah...On to Sunnydale...
***
On the field at the Battle of Sunnydale...
Troika Lords' March
“Lord Andrew?...The day goes badly for us...” Lord Jonathan whined...
“Looks nice to me...Not a cloud in the sky...”
Moron, the battle...Pay attention...Lord Jonathan whacks his partner...
“Fly my lords, fly...There is no tarrying here!...” a fleeing soldier cries...
Damn...Lets get the hell out of here...Lord Jonathan grabs Lord Andrew...
“Our Lord Warren will save the day...” Lord Andrew insists...
“He loves...Hanging with us...”
“He’ll come...”
“I doubt that...” Lady Willow appears...Looking rather pissed...
“You’ve seen him...?” Lord Andrew askes hopefully...
In the flesh...she grins...
I think we should be go...ing...Lord Jonathan nudges his partner...
“Our troops need our inspired leadership...Excuse us...” he notes to Lady Willow...
Ummn...I don’t think so...Lady Willow smiles coldly...
In fact I’ve decided to take command of your forces and seize the Republic...
Really...Lord Jonathan eyes her...But we command...
Oh...he gets it...Say...
She’s quite a fiery little go-getter...Wonder if she might be looking for a consort...
But hey...
“I thought you were on Buffy’s team...”
Been there, done that...Lady Willow notes...
She rejected my cries for your heads after Lady Tara was killed...
“We gotta have justice...” Willow mockingly quotes the Queen...
So now...I’m joining the Dark Side...
Oh...Great...Lord Jonathan grins...
Welcome aboard...
“First though...” she eyes them...
Oh...
“So..” Lord Andrew tries some pleasant conversation...
Battle working out for you...?
“Hey guys...” Lord Warren appears from behind a rock...
Willow’s jaw drops...
I defleshed you...
“Hey...Don’t worry, girlie...I never hold grudges...”
But...
“How...?” he grins...
Ummn...Lord Warren...? Lord Jonathan interjects respectfully...
Battle still raging...you know...
“Don’t worry fellas...Ace in the hole at hand...”
“I don’t know how you escaped me...But prepare to deflesh again...” Willow rages...
“Really...”
She magically skins him...
Whoa...Lords Andrew and Jonathan stare...
Another Warren comes from the opposite side of the field...And another from behind the same
rock as the first...And another from the far field...More behind him...
Lots more...
Lady Willow turns in confusion from one to the other...
Hmmn...Lord Andrew eyes Lord Jonathan...
Clones?...
Clones...Lord Jonathan nods...
Wish we were, he thinks...
“Hey babe...!!!” A chorus of Warrens grin at Willow...
Lets see what you got...
They all fire energy beams at her...She tries to fight them off...Too many...Her strength drains away under the effect of the draining beams...
“Ok boys...” One Warren calls to the rest...
“You guys go turn the tide of battle...our group should be able to deal with Wendy the Witch now...”
Why should we listen to you?...one Warren grouses...You the original...?
You go turn the tide...
The debate is settled by the arrival of original Warren...Gloating...
He sends the bulk of his clones off to the fight...
Big help they’ll be...Lord Jonathan grouses to himself...
10, 000 Warren clones hiding behind rocks while the battle’s lost...
A staggering Willow is surrounded by Warrens...Truly her worst nightmare...
“Well...Lady Willow...” Original Lord Warren sneers...
“Guess it’s our turn to do the defleshing thing...”
But we don’t have your abilities...So I guess we’ll have to do it...The slow way...
“Gentlemen...” he nods to the waiting clones...
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Gee...Lord Warren smirks to his horrified partners...
And that’s only one finger...
***
Part V...
In Queen Buffy's throne room...At Sunnydale...
Chancellor enters...Throne Room Battle...
A truce has allowed the nefarious Chancellor to enter the capital with his scumbag son...
Chancellor Angel having dechipped William to release Spike has dropped his mask and revealed his true nature...
And moves to destroy the furious Queen seeking to save her beloved..
With the full power of the Dark Angelverse at his command...
"My poor...Foolish Buffy..." Angel leers, shocking her within a mighty Brooding Depression field...
“At the last...And only at the last...Do you finally see..."
All the depression and despair of the past year...All my doing...he gloats...
“Nobody can match me for Brooding Depressive power...”
[Suggested Buffy and Spike Love Theme...Luke and Leia from "The Return of the Jedi..."]
She writhes in agony as he continues to depress and shock her...
Simple, insane Angelis...Your menace...? He sneers...
"I am the true Evil one...The Dark Side of the Liam nature..." he gloats...
Hmmn...Buffy thinks...Yeah...I can see that...Now...
Geech...To think I had sex with this clown...God, Parker treated me better...
“And lots more practical...” Angel continues his rant... “With organizational skills poor Angelis could never begin to match...”
That's right...Lord Connor chimes in...My dad's a great provider...
"And when you die..." Angel sneers..."And I absorb the remains of your strength..."
The Angelverse Empire will come to be...At last...
"Of course, Buf...you understand this is all for my boy's sake..." he adds...
Increasing the energy of his shocks...
Gee...Lord Connor thinks...What a great dad I have do to all this for me...He sniffles on his sleeve...
If only Mom could be here to see...
[Suggested theme...The Queen's plea/Love theme...Theme from Romeo and Juliet...]
"William..." Buffy feebly cries to him...
Help me...
"Him?...Hah..." Angel leers at Spike...
His chip is gone, his demon in control...William...Is dead at last...Forever...
"William!!..." Buffy screams...
"Dad!!!!!!!" screams Connor as Spike grabs him...
"Mate..." sighes Spike... "Better call it off...Even William would enjoy snapping this twit's neck..."
"Connor...me boy..." Angel gasps...
The Chancellor and His Troika vs Prince Will (The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)
So...he glares at Spike...The little Brit poet's back and wants to fight for his lady, eh...
"Ya Brit bastard...Let me boy go and lets settle this like...Unmen..."
Guys...Queen Buffy glares from the energy field still surrounding her...
"It's all right Buffy..." Spike calls...
"Spike could deal with Christ junior here alone...And William used to box for Cambridge..."
"Oooh... "William used to box for Cambridge"..." Angel sneers...
Well...human Liam used to kill Brit twits like you for a free Ireland...
he shakes a fist...
They circle each other...Angel maintaining his field around Buffy...He hurls a few energy blasts at Spike who dodges...
"William!..." Buffy glares, struggling in Angel's energy field... "No more of this machismo crap!...Come over here and get me out of this!..."
Chancellor Angel, you are deposed...she frowns at him...
"Get ‘im, dad!!..." Lord Connor calls...
***
Prince William's theme
Spike charges Angel who falls back...Spike nimbly ducks and jumps in front of the field around the Queen...Angel blasts at him, hits the field instead, freeing the Queen...
Uh-oh...
Buffy grabs the ex-Chancellor as before he can turn back to her...Time for some fun...
Buffy eyes Connor...And smiling at Spike now rising after hitting the floor...
Begins singing...
[Play Swingin' on a Star]br>
“Your pa is an animal who schemes and who plots...Of treachery he has thought up lots...”
Buffy slams Angel into a wall...
Dad!!!...Connor gasps...
Angel throws her back..Shaking a fist... “Damn you, you blonde tramp...”
At least my Darla was faithful...
The Queen glares...Angel gulps at that one...Whoa...That is one good glare...
She moves on him...He backs away...Now your Majesty...Ummn...
“He can’t be happy...Now that is too bad...But gee that was no reason for him...to go mad...” she sings grimly...
She pounds him repeatedly...In the kisser...yobbity-yobbity-yobbity...He goes down...Connor blanching...God, no...not the face...
Spike staggers to his feet...Buffy and he move on the terrified Connor...
She picks him up, shaking him...
“Now, Connor if you don’t shake this mood...You may grow up to have a brood...”
Angel rises in rage...”Me boy!!!...”
Buff and Will grin and together...Hand in hand as Angel tries a desparate charge...
“And all the demons aren’t stuck in hell...Everyday we meet them as well...”
Joint kicks send Angel and Connor flying back against the wall....
The Queen eyes the battered ex-Chancellor...
“Angel, you sure coulda gone far...But you want-ed...to be the star...”
“So you’ll go flyin’...”
Whoops...
Lords Warren, Andrew, Jonathan, and a force of Buffy-bots and Warren clones race into the room...
“So...” ex-Chancellor Angel sneers... “The tide turns again...”
“Get ‘em Dad...Get ‘em...Or I never inherit...” Lord Connor yells...
Unfortunately...The Warren clones share Warren’s healthy sense of self-preservation...and promptly seek hiding places...
“Ow...Go way...this is my spot...!” in chorus...
As for the Buffy bots...
Well, at least they try...
“Enemies of the Empire...Beware...” they chorus...Pulling stakes...
[Play theme...Bots to the attack...]
***
Part VI...
This is your fault Buffy grouses to William, eyeing the Buffy-bot army...Who shrugs...
Darling...Desparate time...You seemed lost to me...Had to make do...At least she wasn’t a Dru-bot...he points out...
Well...That is true...she agrees...But we are destroying them all...No spares for nights when I’m away...
“Orders, Lord Master Warren?...” the bot army choruses...
“Get ‘em you idiots...” Warren points...
Geesch...Did you have to make the original so submissive?...the Queen looks at her Consort...
I’d never stand for being talked to like that...
“We are not submissive!...” the Buffy host choruses...And look to Lord Warren...
Are we?...
Time for a new song, the Queen called to her Consort...
They turned to face the rows of grimly determined Buffy-bots...Stakes at the ready...
“What?...” William called...
Take it from me...she yelled back...Eyeing the bots...
Who looked at William..
“Spike?!...Oh!...” they chorused, pausing...
“Warren!...You were supposed to reprogram the original before we went into mass production...”
Lord Jonathan glares...
“You idiots!!!...” Angel glares at all three Troika Lords...
No problemo...Original Lord Warren cries...Just a glitch...
“Buffies...!!! Charge!”
“Hey, Buffies...” the Queen calls...Pointing at Spike...
Look who’s here...They stare, pausing again...
Play
“Our boyfriend’s back and Angel’s in trouble...hey nah...hey nah...Our boyfriend’s back...”
“Hey nah...Hey nah...” the Buffy army choruses...Hypnotically fixed on William...
“Our boyfriend’s back...”
The ex-Chancellor rolls his eyes...
“Angel’s gonna wish he’d never risen...Hey nah...Hey nah...” the Queen glares...
“Hey nah...Hey nah!!!” the Buffy army choruses...Turning to face Angel and the Troika Lords...
Ummn...Lord Warren gulps...
Well, Plan B...
“Hey, girls...It’s Spike...” Warren chirps, pointing back at William...
SPIKE!!!...Oooh!!!!...
“Quick, out the back way while they all try to have sex with him...And the Queen destroys them all...” Lord Warren hisses to his partners...
The ex-Chancellor considers a gallant last stand...
However...
He glares at the Queen as she smashes the bots off the smothering Spike...Striking a defiant pose and shaking a fist...
“I’ll be...” he dusts...
Dad!!!! Connor shrieks as ex-Prime Minister Giles steps forward...
Moronic blowhard...Giles eyes the remains...
“Angel...Has been...Cancelled...”
***
[Suggested Buffy and Spike Love Theme..."Luke and Leia" from "The Return of the Jedi"...]
Suggested closing theme...(Star Wars)
Read one Angel vet's account of the Redemptionista Wars..."Our Hearts Was Broke at Doublemeat Palace..."
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