Afghanistan was the leader of Opium growth and sales the world-over, until recently when the Taliban banned its production and sales. This was a pretty good thing to do, but then it wasn't so good when the Taliban provided asylum to International Terrorists who ostensibly killed roughly six thousand people. Because of the United States' current War on Terrorism, the Taliban has decided to let the production of opium recommence so that, in lieu of nuclear missiles, and to supplement possible biological warfare and the bombing of public buildings, Americans will die from overdoses of Heroin, an opium-based product. For this reason we urge you--UNTIL THE WAR IS OVER, DO NOT BUY HEROIN!!! If you buy heroin now you'll be helping the Taliban in two ways:
1) The money for your heroin goes into the pockets of the Taliban, which will in turn fund a jihad, or holy war, against the U.S.A. As we all know, the U.S. is under the protection of a Judeo-Christian God with a long white beard. He will be upset with you if you support Allah with his long black beard and his Opium Fields! 2) Your heroin purchase will most likely contribute to your growing heroin addiction. Chances are you will eventually become emaciated, malnourished, impoverished and, ultimately, dead. THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY WANT! Finally, there are plenty of ways to achieve self destruction without financing an Islamic Jihad. In fact, the right form of self-destruction can actually help OUR economy. We suggest alcoholism, allowing one to frequent many bars and restaurants that need the money in these economically trying times. Also, any kind of addiction or depencence on legal anti-depressants would give a nice boost to the national economy. Finally, simply smoking cigarettes excessively causes a weakened heart, fucked up lungs, weight loss, and the beefing up of Big Tobacco (and by extention, the government--who could really use Phillip Morris's cash right now!) We hope you've found this helpful and informative. Please remember, THE PURCHASE OF HEROIN DURING OUR WAR ON TERRORISM IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND SELF-NEGATING. Please turn to ALCOHOLISM, SMOKING, EATING DISORDERS, or, best of all, SHOPPING ADDICTION. Thank you for your patience. -Understatement Central