Ever Quest Naming Convention:  A Pathetic Display of Creativity?  Or just plain stupid?  You decide! (Updated 12/02/2002)


            This has been crazy.  The names that I've found while playing EQ have been outrageous and the list just kept growing and growing...  For a while, I got a little self righteous and decided that I wanted to make a point about the VI naming policy-- Or as I've found, the lack thereof.  I really don't know why they bother to stop people from naming themselves whatever they want since they do it anyway but, since there's a farce of a rule in place, it's only fitting that both it and the people who break it get a little publicity and some humorous description to help those of us with names that fit in the boundaries of the rule cope with those who don't.

            If you find your name up here, I wish that I could apologize.  You shouldn’t have named yourself whatever it is that I’m making fun of.  However, there is hope for you yet.  If you decide that yes, indeed you shouldn’t have named yourself something blatantly dumb that VI wouldn’t have approved if their name checker worked right, then contact a GM with a /petition and ask them to change it.  When they see your name, they’ll be happy to do so.

On that same note, I’d like to point out that I don’t /report anyone for their foolish names even though technically, any player can do so if they sight one of these.  It’s not my business to get people to change, just to let others see what kind of silliness comes up in Norrath here and there.  Hell, instead of apologizing to you all, I’m going to thank you.  Without your disregard for a real character name, I wouldn’t have been able to make this page and no one could benefit from some of the humor within.

A note on format:  The listing process has changed.  The sheer number has made it so that detailed descriptions will be shorter in coming unless a name is voted into the top 20.  Voting, for now, can be done by sending an e mail.  Any suggestion on how that could be done in a more efficient manner would be a welcome addition to my e mail box.  For now, there's just a HUGE list at the bottom with a few comments here and there.  I'd like to fix that-- Just have to come up with a manner that's more fitting.

    Also, if you find a name that belongs on this list, send me all the info you have about them.  If you happen to come across one of the names and you have their actual chosen surname, send that along and I’ll update the entries.  If anyone would like to argue for or against my descriptions, feel free to send those too.  Send to ineo1@yahoo.com.   Look forward to hearing from anyone.  Enjoy.


Special Note:  Maybe I should break the list up into class or race-- Then we can see just how unoriginal people are-- I say this because I've found a LOT of similarities between bad names across different servers.  If anyone has an opinion, I'd like to hear it. 






1)     Gunamugya (Rogue)

The new number one slot!  This pathetic excuse for a name had to be worse than any other I had seen for a while.  Gunamugya.  This kind of gibberish does not make people think, contrary to stupid naming convention belief.  It just makes us groan and wish to God that we could player kill a few times.  Gunamugya reminds me of the guy I saw in UO the first month it was online named ‘GayBill Bob’ (referred to later in this document) who only wore red boots and a red hat.  Back at the time, he was sitting by a river and was the object of more than 15 player kills.  I was given a back pack full of his body parts to take into town and show everyone.  I think that pretty much sums up the feelings of people about stupid names.

Parents:  These people are straight up idiots.  They have to be the types that work the night circuit, running scams or drugs or whatever so they could get their fix.  Gunamugya was one of those street kids that begs for loose change and verbally abuses anyone that passes.  But he always kept to the shadows… Probably because his parents told him that they were embarrassed about his genetic defects that happened from their over indulgence of Kelethin Opium (a product made from the fat of Orc Pawns).  It causes severe malformation of the skull, arms and torso.  Very ugly.  Angry that no one would give, Gunamugya turned to hate filled violent crime and earned his wicked name

Surnames:  Gunamugya Cashnjools—Well, why not?  He already sucks, why bother to keep it real?  Gunamugya N’Urmom—He can’t really like parents much, his are the epitome of loser (just look at their finest invention).


2)     Twodawgz (Enchanter)

Where to begin?  I’m not quite sure why someone might want to suffer the whole game with a name like this but wouldn’t you imagine that they would be the object of ridicule?  This is the epitome of d00d speak.  Couldn’t you just see this guy showing up in front of your high level character saying ‘D00d, letz gr0up s0 we k3n g3t s0m3 phat l3w7z yo.’?  I don’t know… I can’t believe it got through the name identifier.  Maybe Unodawgz was taken…

Parents:  I’m thinking that this guy had foster parents.  They named him Twodawgz because of the union that brought him about.  So what if he was a freak of nature?  They had to be Norrathian White Trash (gnomes or something where they wouldn’t have been able to tell if the two having sex were dogs or gnomes til they lifted their legs and found that they were endowed.) 

Surnames:  Twodawgz Onebitch—Makes sense, we got a story in this name.  A love triangle between some gangstas and their ho.  Maybe his name is his life story (deep).  Twodawgz Undacutz—You know, two homies out to make their mark on the world but the man keeps em down.  They were undacut cause they couldn’t hack it in the world with the man—that bastard.  By the way, who the hell is ‘the Man’ anyways?  Twodawgz Indaheat—I’m pretty sure you can figure that one out on your own.


3)     Taimaishoo (Rogue) 

Taking the names of characters from books is one thing.  You name your character Frawdo or something and at least you’re trying to stay in genre.  But taking the name of some annoying Asian rapper (is he really Asian even?) is obnoxious.  This name is insulting to everyone because I wouldn’t want to have to /tell a guy named Taimaishoo.  It’s a little long for one thing but the worst part is that you’re calling him ‘Tai’ for short.  Racial comments aside, I think that this guy wasn’t being at all serious and just seeing if he could get away with it.  Here’s a tip:  If you figure out that you can get away with a dumb name, congratulate yourself and make a real name.  Otherwise, go play UO and come up with all the stupid ass ‘Gay Bill Bob’ names you want.

Parents:  Lunatics from Qeynos obviously.  Probably living out next to Surefall Glade like hippies—preaching peace in Blackburrow and no more war.  They name their child this because it has a nice ring to it and they don’t really care what they would normally call him.  Dungass would’ve worked just as well but they thought that it might cause him to be dysfunctional (er?).  No wonder he became a criminal—It would be hard to stand the verbal assaults of other kids about your parents being sick looking, hippy losers but then to have your name attacked even more hard core would drive anyone to the wrong side of the tracks—even a someone with a queer name like Taimaishoo.

Surnames:  Taimaishoo Washmaiting—May as well take this to the next level and continue this stupid ass naming convention.  Playing with the Asian language is kind of childish don’t you think? =). 


4)     Dudad (Halfling Druid)

You know, I almost (and I do mean almost) accept this name—if there were tinkers in the game.  But a druid?  What kind of self respecting druid is going to be named the colloquial expression for a gadget or trinket?  Nature lover my ass.  Granted, he had the sense to change the spelling a little bit—Maybe he’s a French doodad but regardless this is absurd.  How did the naming convention miss this?  Did it think he was being duh dad?  That’s even better—Indicates a stupid child and just what we need is more stupid druids.

Parents:  These people had to carpenters or maybe a menial labor job.  Their kid pops out and the father affectionately refers to him as ‘Dudad’ (Halfling accent).  Nevermind the fact that he calls his penis this too (after all, they aren’t called Halflings for nothing).  I would suspect that his childhood wasn’t as bad as the others—because Halflings just don’t care.  Not as bad as gnomes, you COULD be named Dungass and people wouldn’t treat you any differently.  Maybe VI just doesn’t bother with the naming convention on Halflings and Gnomes because they are so disadvantaged already they might as well have whatever horrible names people can come up with.

Surnames:  Dudad Butcrack—I know that it’s vulgar but at least it rolls off the tongue, Dudad Dugnleass—That had to fit someone and alliteration is always popular, Dudad Indapants—Sorta after his ol’man.


5)     Blastnasty (Erudite Magician)

Wow.  Creativity at its finest.  Blastnasty.  Would you group with this guy?  Wouldn’t it be embarrassing to tell people ‘Blastnasty is coming to group with us’?  I mean, I could almost see this as a nick name for a Wizard but the proper name of a Magician?  No.  How on Earth did it let anything with Blast OR nasty into a name let alone both together??  VI needs to spend more time nerfing names than cool stuff in the game

Parents:  Blastnasty grew up in Toxx and as a result his poor perfance skills in his classes was given this name by his professors.  His parents, proud members of the magician society, had originally named him ‘Reginald Darren Markus Verdonshire’ but that name didn’t fit the little punk that couldn’t mix his components correctly and nearly mutilated himself on sixteen occasions.  I guess that paying attention in school does have a purpose.

Surnames:  Blastnasty Underpants—has a diarrhea reference to it.  Or Blastnasty Biggaboom—This continues his ineptitude though he would probably be best suited to Blastnasty Barlymdit considering the past we’ve given him.


6)     Eardrumbreaker (Bard)

I guess that his class went without saying.  No confidence—you see, our society is breeding a generation of people that have no confidence.  They know they’re going to suck in life and in the world so they just ease the pain by admitting it before other people find out.  Whatever, this guy is a prick in game too.  He’s got that D00d speak mentality but can’t type well enough to pull it out of his ass like some of the other losers can.  Does that make him more of a loser?  Yeah, I think so.

Parents:  Well, I think that they were amazing Bards in Kelethin but their child was born deaf or mostly so.  When he tried to sing, boom!  Everyone knew that he sucked so they gave him the graceless name of Eardrumbreaker.  Maybe he was just trying to be revolutionary and generate the first Korn of Norrath.  Most likely he just really sucked and so when they kicked him out, they probably never intended to see him again.  Unfortunately for them, the population of Norrath actually consists of nice people who kept this schmoe alive for at least nine levels.  One can always hope he takes on more than he can chew however….

Surnames:  Eardrumbreaker Suckalot—Not very original but is this guy really going to make it to 20th level?  Might as well carry on with the sucking motif.  Eardrumbreaker van’Schlinkytime—I’m not sure where that came from but it had a nice ring to it.  Plus, everyone will know he’s coming not just from the beaten seal sounds that come out of his mouth but from the huge ass name attached to his head.


7)     Tosheeba (High Elf Magician)

I think this is amusing—What the hell was he thinking??  Why not name your character something like ‘Coompack’ or ‘Mecrasawft’?  No, I’m not suggesting it but why have so little creativity that you name yourself not after a movie star or a character from a movie or book but after a company that manufactures stuff.  How horribly dumb and pathetic can you be?  I’m serious here—if you lack enough creativity that you can’t go beyond companies then you just need to play solitaire and immerse yourself in the worldly joys of the Wall street Journal.  Whatever this guy had in mind, he deserves to be in the top 10 of stupid, boring and uncreative names.  Again, this should’ve been nerfed early on.

Parents:  Capitalists—Capitalist/socialists (how could it get any worse?)  They knew that one day they would be able to start a company mass producing cheap equipment to sell to those poor bastards on Antonica but the time wasn’t right.  So, since they couldn’t name their burgeoning company what they wanted (due to the fact that Felwithe law states that no business will be started when the business has nothing to offer—it’s one of those things that got repealed when web designers came onto the scene because it wasn’t fair to them) they just named their kid after it.  Beyond that, he had a reasonably normal life because no one was aware of the Toshiba empire quite yet.  It’s now that he’s taking all the flack for it.  Probably time to change the name…

Surnames:  Tosheeba Wa’Renti— This makes sense in a way.  It sticks with the naming convention in a way and continues to abuse the rest of us with a name that makes us hang our heads in embarrassment and irritation.  I think he should go with this.  In fact, I’ll send him a /tell when I see him on again.  Maybe he’ll go with our idea and move himself up a few places on the stupid ass character list.


8)     Huggiis (Bard)

It’s bad enough to be a playing this game with the likes of Dudad and Tosheeba but now we have to play with Diapers too??  This guy couldn’t have realized what he was doing.  Who in God’s name would name their character after diapers?  I’m at a loss…  You know where this is going for the parents thing.

Parents:  His parents were very uncreative but their child was incredibly gifted—at making interesting designs with the fecal matter he produced quite liberally.  They were the first Norrathians to come up with the new invention of diapers and as a result, they named them after their young child.  Huggies (they didn’t want it to be that close) became a household brand name.  Not necessarily something that Huggiies needs to hear.  Innkeepers always remind em though of the motto that made the parents rich: ‘And a round of applause for outstanding dryness and good fresh air!’  (he wasn’t a very successful bard and a lot of people had to leave during his performances).

Surnames:  Let’s go with the obvious first:  Huggiis Fullasht (sorry, that one was coming).  Huggiis Gentle’Air (you know they provide excellent fresh air these days to keep the babies skin dry!).  Huggiis Dry’Touch (I just can’t resist all the diaper references but I think they deserved it) :P


9)     Bigtuffguy (Ogre Shadow Knight)

You know, this name would not have been on this list if he would’ve made a warrior instead.  But no.  He had to play a Shadow Knight.  Bigtuffguy has the ring of a big dumb ass and I think that warriors fit that bill rather nicely.  What this poor bastard needed to do was stay away from a class that casts spells and he would not have been ridiculed for a stupid name.  At least people can just call him big when they are in a group.

Parents:  Well, I wasn’t aware that Ogres had parents—I thought it was all about mud and rock and sloppy goo but let’s pretend.  The ogres that had him insisted on this name despite the fact that he showed magical inclination and was able to go into training as a Shadow Knight.  Wow.  That was deep.  Well, Ogres aren’t very deep are they?  No one was going to mess with him because with a name like Bigtuffguy only Bigstrnguy was going to be capable of whooping on him.  Therefore, this ogre reached maturity and was able to waste our time with his pathetic name.

Surnames:  Bigtuffguy Sugadaddy—I don’t know, it had a ring to it.  Also, maybe a Bigtuffguy would become a Bigtuffpimp.   Bigtuffguy Onewordkilla—Gotta give him some glory.  I’m sure he can bash some skulls in pretty well.  It’s a shame that there are so few ogres and trolls but so many stupid ass names for them.  Ah well.


10)   Rahmen (Ranger

Did he think he’d escape the list?  No, I’m afraid not.  This isn’t even subtle.  Okay, this is worse than naming yourself after a company (though not worse than diapers—At least he’s not directly related to shit).  Being named after food is about the silliest thing I’ve heard of with one exception:  Wood Elves and Rangers COULD be named after stuff like Berries and fruit and stuff cause that was available at the time—But Rahmen?!  What the hell?  ‘Level 8 Cheap Ass Meal looking for Pot to Brew in’. 

Parents:  They were poor.  They invented a new meal concept—Their son.  Fleeing into the woods, he escaped the hunger of his family only to have to learn the ways of the wild on his own.  Of course, in his absence they figured out how to mix noodles and a bunch of other nasty crap together and invented the real mixture that is their son’s name sake.  In any case, he has yet to realize that he is popular amongst college students, the poor and the poor of taste.

Surnames:  Rahmen Ondastove—Kinda sounds Russian doesn’t it?  Probably wouldn’t get nerfed either which is the sad part.  Rahmen Outhass—Another one that has a ring to it that probably wouldn’t necessarily get nerfed.  I imagine that regardless, he’s going to be getting teased when looking for groups regardless.

SPECIAL NOTE:  I saw his character—the actual surname that he picked even I couldn’t believe was so brazen:  Noodles.  Rahmen Noodles.  Got away with it twice.  So much for subtlety…..


11)   Medtech (Cleric)

I understand leaving genre but jumping to post apocalyptic cyberpunk stuff is really bad.  I guess if you’re just fooling around that’s one thing but this lack of creativity—to name your character after a profession—is just wrong.  I could see a 6 year old playing Dungeons and Dragons name their 1st Level Warrior ‘Fighter’ but for someone who has to be over the age of 13 (I hope) to pull this name out of their ass is just insulting.  I think that whoever this is deserves to be nerfed out of EQ.  That’s why they got the Number 10 slot because I’m hoping that someone will come along and take this slot from them ASAP.

Parents:  This character was a clone.  Created for the express purpose of healing the masses.  There was no parents, no compassion, no friendship.  Only the cold, harsh desire to go forth and heal those in pain and misery.  This experiment went awry however, and somehow the character became self aware—no longer was there a desire to simply heal and help the sick but now the character wanted experience and levels to better heal the sick and eventually rule the world!!  All in time…

Surnames:  I would love it if we could use numbers for the Surnames cause then I would just have this guy be Medtech 1.  But since we can’t, I think he should remain simply ‘Medtech’.  It wouldn’t really do for a title to have a surname would it?


12)   Conahn (Ranger)

There have been a billion incarnations of this name floating around, bothering those of us who try to think of original names in the midst of our playing but I finally wrote one down.  This is the most interesting spelling of the name I’ve seen yet.  Gives a certain Eastern European raider feel to it.  Maybe he’s related to the ‘Kahns’ or perhaps an old world rival.  In either case, it wasn’t good enough for the top ten but still deserved mentioning.

Parents:  Potential.  It rang through the very sinews of young Conahn but they knew they couldn’t name him Conan because of copyright infringement.  Hoping that their powerful son would go on to become great things, they named him appropriately only to find… that he became a ranger.  Imagine the disappointment!  Hoping for a powerful warrior with great stories to tell, they get a tree hugging archer that poorly mirrors the warrior’s talents.  Disowned, unloved and alone, Conahn moves through the world in an attempt to redeem his name to his family and make his mark.

Surnames:  Conahn da’Cauminer—He’s not really cool enough to be a Destroyer and barbarian’s can’t be rangers so… this one worked. 


13)   Toodle (Anon)

With a name like this, I’d be anon as well.  Makes me want to puke.  Toodle.  This is just wrong.  It has more negative attachments than I can possibly attribute to it.  Of course, he has to be happy that he’s number thirteen and not in the top ten but that’s only because I didn’t have the heart to give such a loser a sterling place even amongst other losers. 

Parents:  Since he was anon, there’s little we can tell about this enigmatic oaf.  I would guess that he was adopted and since the old crone’s prize dog passed on, she gave him the name.  In this sense, he’d be Toodle the Second.  Maybe he looked like a dog—A dwarf or gnome… maybe even an exceptionally ugly Halfling (I know, I know…  that’s a misnomer).  In any event, let’s just hope that he’s not a melee character.  I could just hear his war cry ‘Worry not commoner!  Toodle will save you!  Stand back you menacing orc!  Toodle fights for justice!’

Surnames:  Going with the adoption:  Toodle da’Poodle.  Just perfect.  I get the vision of a curly haired geeky mage roaming the land trying to live down his horrible name.  da’Poodle will forever haunt his dreams as she tried to groom him to be like her dog, even discouraging conversation ‘a poodle can’t talk toodle!’  /cringe.


14)   Loghed (Human Necromancer)

This one cracks me up.  Another name that had it been with a different class/race combination, I wouldn’t have even taken notice but what self respecting Necromancer is going to go by ‘Loghed’.  Maybe he didn’t realize that this was going to be pronounced by everyone who saw it as ‘Loghead’ but that’s a big maybe.  More likely, he was just thinking he was clever and falling utterly short in between the realm of stupid and dumb.

Parents:  Wood working humans up in the backwoods of the Faydark, living their own way with their family circle.  Mom is Loghed’s sister and cousin as well.  His brother is his father and uncle.  They have that really obnoxious accent that no one can ever understand and the type of teeth that you might need if you were a Great White shark.  The perversions that this poor child knew are without limit.  I shiver to think about what specifically about ‘working’ with the dead attracted him.

Surnames:  Loghed Woodfellow (if he’s going with his parent’s surname when he comes of age—A commentary on not only their profession but the reason that they can’t keep their hands off their kin in the reproductive sense).  Loghed Redwood (Might as well carry a name akin to the trees that he’s named after).


15)   Sweetmilk (Wood Elf Druid)

What in God’s name is this?  It gives me some really sick images of what brought about this character’s conception or even worse, the birth.  Some people must just have no creativity at all.  Why are they playing a role playing game in the first place?  I’m sure that a lot of people are right now saying ‘EQ is hardly a role playing game!’ and I suppose that I agree.  I mean, with Sweetmilk racking up some cash for porting around the world (if this sorry ass fool made it so high), I doubt that he/she cared about their particular namesake.  What’s it matter when you’re just playing a collection of numbers?  Well, if it doesn’t matter then please pick something that the rest of us don’t groan at.  Sweetmilk sounds perverted.  Let’s take a look at the parents…

Parents:  Sweetmilk is the byproduct of Sourmilk and Sugarmilk, the child falling somewhere in between.  The parents thought they were so clever that they brought their child to the attention of all the other wood elves—only to be ridiculed.  See, they received their names from their parents because they were 1) Irritable and annoying (Sourmilk’s parents were VERY unhappy with him) and 2)  Spoiled rotten and annoying (Sugarmilk didn’t come by this name from her parents but rather from society after she married Sourmilk because while she wasn’t necessarily as disliked as he was, the union brought about a bit of a paradox).  When Sweetmilk was born, the world mourned the previous notion that there would be no more milk’s in the world.  Sadly, this druid probably still roams Norrath, spoiling the hopes of seriousness and roleplaying everywhere he/she sets foot.

Surnames:  Sweetmilk Gotsome—I only use this one because there’s of course, Gotheal the Wood Elf warrior who will be appearing in a few minutes and why not just use the Gotsome trademark a bit more shamelessly?  I mean, the name Sweetmilk sucks so bad, I don’t think we could make it much worse with a surname.


16)   Notmuch (Human Monk)

He got the name right.  Anyone fool who goes to this length to flaunt their lack of self esteem has the right to be agreed with.  This human loser came up with a beautiful name to explain just why he’s on this list.  Cause he’s ‘Notmuch of a creative player’.  Although, he gets credit for one thing:  He got this name through the checker.  I would’ve thought that ‘Notmuch’ wouldn’t have made it but ah well… here we are anyways…

Parents:  Notmuch’s parents didn’t quite know what to do with their child who was not very interesting nor intelligent but really liked to beat on things.  They gave him up to the temple to learn martial arts mainly hoping that he would grow out of his foolishness.  Unfortunately, they set him up to fail.  His name comes from when people asked about him and they said ‘Oh, he’s not much.’  It just sort of stuck like a pet name.  Notmuch figured out what his name meant early on but rather than change it when he came of age to do so (IE Character Creation) he chose to accept what fate would call him and wear it as a badge of his pathetic past. 

Surnames:  Notmuch Talookat—At first glance, this name might even be figured to be real.  In reality, it’s just further explaining how lame he is.  Notmuch Evenless, Notmuch Anudermonk (Too many of them running around anyways, right?)  Notmuch Buttmunch (Just to have a vulgar option for him).


17)   Gotheal (Wood Elf Warrior)

Thinking that he was going to bypass a step for asking for heals, instead he ends up on this list prominently displayed low because this is just too pathetic to move up.  I think that the whole ‘Got whatever’ phrase has been abused to the point of total annoyance rather than anything funny or cool.  From ‘Got Blood’ to ‘Got Sex’ and everything in between, I guess it was just a matter of time before the ‘Got’ craze invaded EQ names.  Let’s move on…

Parents:  His parents thought they were so ingenious.  Gotheal is the oldest of several siblings.  There’s ‘Gotsow’ (his rogue brother), ‘Gotbreeze’ (a druid sister), ‘Gotbuffs’ (bard sister), ‘Gotplat’ (It’s a brother but he doesn’t have a profession), and ‘Gotlewtz’ (a ranger brother who calls himself a ‘ranja’ just cause it’s ‘cooler’.)  They figured that they would monopolize the ‘Got’ names and made quite the litter of fools to annoy other players.  And so they set them loose on the world and all we can do is pray that they don’t start shouting ‘Got lvl 5 warrior lfg’. =P

Surnames:  Gotheal Goneberzerk—If he’s trying to bypass any typing, this one is probably best.  Gotheal Brokentank—Just has the right ring to it if he really needs a heal that is.  Gotheal Ondaground—Maybe he’s not smart enough to realize that people would notice if he was still alive and on the ground… Who knows?


18)  Youcant (Human, Druid)

Perhaps another of the 'lazy names' in that when people run up to him and say 'Ken I get sow/port/buffs/phat l3wtz plz', he doesn't have to answer.  A good question here is whether Youcant is pathetic because the name is bad or because he couldn’t even beat Gotheal on the list.  The only thing that’s truly surprising about this name however, is that it’s not a Rogue…

Parents:  Those guys from Surefall Glade… *sigh*.  At one time, Youcant had a glorious and noble name, one worthy not only of Norrathian legend but also conforming to the rigors of VI’s naming policy.  However, he was just too much of a troublesome child and his parents were put to the test with his incessant whining and begging to do things he wasn’t allowed to do.  The phrase ‘You can’t…’  was so associated with him that eventually, it became more convenient to simply address him as such permanently.  This is why I think that all Humans of the Surefall Glade area should be sterilized.  The gene pool of Norrath is already a murky mess.  It doesn’t have to get stinky now too.

Surnames:  Youcant Tuchthis—Yeah, I know that this is pretty bad but it wouldn’t be surprising if that’s what he picked.


19)  Punchalotapeeps (Iksar, Monk)

Iksar have problems in general.  This particular one decided to personify his disposition of violence through his name and help everyone realize just what an antisocial little bastard he really is.  If this was Ultima Online, Puncha here would be KOS to more than just NPCs.  I guess that there is a bright side:  At least there aren’t bodies of this fool lying all over every zone in Norrath.

Parents:  Hatched from an especially disgusting and putrid egg, Puncha decided to rename himself from the disheartening name ‘Beatnbyalotapeeps’ after he couldn’t display any skill in the practice arena.  His former masters find his name particularly amusing since they never saw him do more than snivel and run around the ring with his tail unceremoniously tucked between his legs.  Definitely one that they should’ve fed to the Froglok slaves…

Surnames:  Punchalotapeeps Kickalotarse—Again, it’s got a ring to it.  Punchalotapeeps Indaface—Carry out the action so that we know just what he’s like or maybe one that displays his old disposition: Punchalotapeeps Soikenrunaway—Maybe his name is more of a plea than a brag.


20)  Whackem (Gnome, Warrior)

 What’s more of a joke?  His name or his class?  That’s what I had to decide when I put his name at number 20 in the list.  Anything that a giant could step on without noticing should not try to call itself a warrior.  Gnome’s in general are really only good for 3 things: Creeping people out, Providing an annoying alternative to boredom (that of being irritated by inane babble) and dying horribly when they try to tank for a group.  I’m not sure what Whackem was hoping to ‘whack’ but you can bet it was more of a personal ambition than one directed at monsters.

Parents:  Caught him in the act of his personal depravity and decided that it was just so horrifying that they couldn’t possibly call him ‘son’ anymore.  Thus began the glorious career of the Warrior Whackem and his fixation with his personal anatomy.  Leaving home was easy—It didn’t matter where he was so long as he could indulge in his name whenever possible.  Perhaps when he has a surname he can branch out to involving others in his perverted practices.

Surnames:  Whackem Reelgud—No explanation, it’s just wrong.  Whackem Tilithurts—Maybe he’s a good warrior regardless of the bad name.  Whackem Tilitsquirts—I couldn’t resist that one.



Honorable Mention/Future List Members:


Ran Walker-- If the NPC's in EQ are going to have ridiculous names, how can people be expected to name themselves appropriately?  Consequently, I should also mention the banker in Firiona Vie-- Wellis Fargin (or something close to that... been a while since I've been there.)


Collinpowel (Wood Elf Bard).  This sounds like one of the National Enquirer kind of things:  "Bat Boy Claims that Colin Powel is a Wood Elf!" 


Skunkworks (High Elf Cleric).  People would think twice before attending this person's services.


Bigbadbackk (Dark Elf Rogue).  Setting himself up for the surname 'stabba' or something.


Lepperkohn (High Elf Paladin).  He could have at least made himself a Gnome paladin.  Lepperkohn?  Is this a statement about having the disease?  Being one of those freaks dressed in green?  Or a combination?


Fidelelf (High Elf Cleric).  The elfish cousin of Castro?  What's the deal?


Kablowie (Erudite Wizard).  Kablowie...  This brings to my mind all sorts of perverted scenes. 


Tupacshakur (Vah Shir Beast Lord).  Continuing our line of rapper/EQers, Tupac made an appearance in Crushbone last evening.  He'll be joining Taimaishoo up above soon.


Didja (Human Monk).  Dija what?  Win?  Lose?  Suck?  Silly name...



The List (In no particular order at this point)


Kurses (Monk)


Cykoo (Wizard)


Kcmaxx (Paladin)


Deviaant (Shadow Knight, Dark Elf)


Copperbovine (Bard, Wood Elf)  <-- A personal favorite of mine.


Paleridere (Paladin)


Toasty (Wizard, Erudite)


Telekinetique (Wizard, High Elf) <-- Sounds more like the name of a hair salon than a wizard...


Shlumpyn (Wizard, Erudite) <-- This name would've fit a Halfling Rogue or something but a wizard?  The first retarded Erudite makes full Wizard...


Bigbenn (Ranger, Wood Elf) 


Acception Heavensent (Ranger, Half Elf)  <-- Acception?  To being creative?


Hickorynut (Ranger, Wood Elf) <-- When I saw this one, he was looking for a group.  Probably because no one could bring themselves to /tell him.


Hiccp Dyzoften (Monk, 59th lvl at the time)


Feardefemme (Wizard, Dark Elf)


Strawberie (Ogre Warrior) <-- How did he survive the ogre world?  Maybe strawberries are a wicked and terrifying thing over in the swamps-- Up there with the color pink.


Mightie Mouse (Anon)


Sherminator (Anon)


Megatraveler (Druid, Wood Elf)


Booze (Rogue, Dwarf)


Biggest (Anon)


Seeinyu (Magician, Erudite)


Legasae (Ranger, Wood Elf)


Taedawen Ivanapee (Druid, Wood Elf)


Jackripper (Enchanter, High Elf)


Kneebitter (Paladin, Dwarf) <-- Fitting but silly.


Neewhacker (Warrior, Halfling) <-- Continuing the tradition of the obvious.


Zumzumm (Warrior, Troll) <-- Isn't the commercial irritating enough?  I don't think we have to celebrate it...


Huggiebear (Anon-- He was in the guild 'Riders of the Apocalypse at the time) 


Addvil (Druid, Wood Elf)


Justinkredible (Enchanter, High Elf) <-- That the name got through?


Stickyou (Rogue, Barbarian)


Demac (Warrior, Barbarian)


Iameveryones (Monk, Iksar) <-- The surname had to be classic


Sqweekyfrom (Enchanter, Erudite) <-- The implications of what the surname will be are kind of scary.


Obvious (Paladin, Dwarf)


Ilegal (Shaman, Iksar)


Bigbadbackk (Rogue, Dark Elf)


Darkelfmaga (See name)


Rakkun (Enchanter, Erudite)


Beachbum (Enchanter, High Elf)


Whytehot (Wizard, Human) <-- Should have been Flamingloser.


Boogiemonster (Warrior, Ogre)


Linkbiznatch (Rogue, Half Elf)


Teleportte (Druid, Wood Elf)


Ultasonic (Monk, Iksar)


Ttoppcatt (Rogue, Vah Shir)


Kaymartt (Monk, Human)


Getinya (Rogue, Vah Shir) <-- Are rogues more prone to dumb names?  This should be looked into.


Slots Machine (Paladin, Dwarf)


Ubercasino (Unknown-- Submission from Highpass)


Welikewudie Howboutyou (Warrior, Gnome) <-- Too lazy to ask the question, he can roam around with a hot key that says 'See my name-- answer please'.


Fhaast (Monk, Human)


Roadblawk Yoosdetoor (Warrior, Ogre) 


Meanmistertrix (Druid, Wood Elf) Tired of not being able to eat his favorite cereal, the Trix rabbit decided to become one of the million Druids on the Lanys server and prove his wickedness by expressing his disposition in his name-- This would avoid confusion overall and speed up the process of denial.


Hihihi (Paladin, Dwarf)


Jumping Forjoy (Druid, Wood Elf)


Nipplequeen (Unknown, Submission)


Tightbottom Wigglesalot (Unknown, Submission)


Buuk Futter (Unknown, Submission)


Darkgift Unwrapme (Cleric, Dark Elf)


Venerable Dwunkin Donuts (Unknown, Submission) <-- I wouldn't say venerable is the right title... what about Outtabusiness?


Cleric (Cleric, High Elf) <-- For a time, the surname was 'Oftunare' but VI nerfed it. (Submitted info)


Whoseyourdaddy (Unknown, Submission)


Heelr (Cleric, Unknown Race) <-- They couldn't get 'cleric'.


Poopfinger (Rogue, Barbarian) <-- Petitioned and changed early on (Submitted info)


Cheesychick (Anon)


Thingiemethong (Shadow Knight, Ogre) <-- Named for when Ogres did a lot of 'exploration' for itches.


Fraidykat Notskeerednomore (Monk, Human)


Beguile N'Bewilder (Enchanter)


Tasti Treats (Cleric, Human)



New as of 12/14/2002!


Saidwen (Rogue, Half Elf)


Musles Bigmuscles (Warrior, Wood Elf)


Blueadept (Paladin, Dwarf)


Portah (Wizard, Dark Elf)


Darkninja Kungfufighta (Monk, Iksar)


Lizzardhippy (Iksar-- Found his body so I'm not sure what class he is)


Roflmaohahaha (Bard, Wood Elf)


Thistles Nthorns (Ranger, Wood Elf-- Was part of the Fluffy Pink Bunnies guild)


Lightaudie and Litemike (Both Barbarians that were dead near one another)



New as of 01/17/2003!


Sovv Fordonations-- That's S O V V, a druid.


Patiofurniture-- (No additional info)




Dizzylizard-- Iksar (at least it wasn't a human-- I've found that bad names usually aren't fitting)


Baldisking Rugisbad


(The above five were on the Firiona Vie server-- I think that doing that on the RP server is especially lame.  Why play on that server if you're not serious?)








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