Twisted thoughts that spin round my head I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning How quick the sun can, drop away
And the words meant so much, the song described everything. He had long ago stolen Pearl Jam's Live on Two Legs from the massive cd collection that both Jeff and Gabrielle had amassed in two months, which was being added to daily. He had never been one to pay much attention to music, but the lyrics of this particular group had shaken his soul. He could find personal meaning in every song, but choose Black as his favourite. Laying on the bed all day, listening to the song repeat over and over didn’t help a single thing within him, but the song was so beautiful and made so much sense. No one bothered him, not his brother, not Jeff, and surprisingly not even Gabrielle, whom he expected to see at his door in the early hours of the day. Earlier he had heard a bike speed off somewhere. It could have been Edge, but he didn't care. And it wasn't Gabrielle, because he could still feel her presence in the room next door. Christian could have easily gone and seen her but he didn't. He just lay on the bed, eyes closed listening to the lyrics that felt like a painful homecoming.
I know some day you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star, in somebody else's sky, but why why can't it be in mine
And in that instant, the second those words passed, there came a soft knock at the door and Christian didn't want to let her in. Once before, he had pushed her away and they ended up in each others arms for the better part of the day. Maybe it was knowing that that could happen again and knowing that he couldn't really see her in the same light, that compelled him to ignore the soft knocks, now becoming louder and more persistent.
"I know you're in there. You've had the same song playing all day. Now let me in." Gabrielle's voice floated into his room over the music and he still did not want to let her in. So he lay still and said nothing, even when she opened the door and crept in, seeing him lying on the bed, clad only in black jeans. She loomed over him and stared. There was nothing in his face she could read, nothing in his eyes that showed emotion. Probably because he refused to look at her. Looking at her would mean he might have to come to terms with the loss, accept it and move on. He didn't want that yet.
"Christian, I know every last word to this song, and I know why you've been listening to it." He remained perfectly still and emotionless. "Stop doing this to me! I didn't do anything."
"Gabrielle, I love you and - "
"Goddammit, Christian!" Gabrielle yelled and startled him somewhat. "Do you think I don't already know that? I can see it in your eyes, I can hear it in your voice, and I can feel it inside of you! But I can't do anything about it right now!"
"Its hard for me - "
"You don't think its fucking hard for me too! You've only got one person to deal with. I have you and Edge who both say you love me and I have to choose! Why? Because you're making me. You're making me choose between the two people I love most in this world and I can't deal with it. So next time you decide to go all depressed and sentimental then maybe I shouldn’t care, alright? Maybe I'll have made my choice by then, and I won't care. Or maybe I should just tell everyone to fuck off, you, Edge and the rest of the world, so I won't have to make any decisions, any choices, ever again." She stopped to take a breath, and said quietly, "And I wish I could hate you for it." With that, she stormed out of his room, leaving him to ponder his last words, which made him finally turn off the stereo.
"What was that all about?" Jeff asked quietly as always, sitting beside her on the front steps.
"Them. Me. Everything I live for."
"Oh. They're making you choose. You don't have to you know." She glanced at him questioningly. "You don't have to justify whatever decision you decide to make. Just do what feels right." Gabrielle leaned in and kissed Jeff, leaving him surprised.
"What was that for?" He asked, slowly.
"To see if it felt right."
"Did it?" she scrunched up her nose.
"No. It felt like I was kissing my best friend." He laughed.
"Good. It just felt weird." She smiled at him and sighed.
"Well, at least I know for sure that I've only got two to choose from." She gazed out over the drive way as Edge came back on his motorcycle, rented movies in tow. Jeff leaned over her.
"He's got movies. I think someone's gonna get laid on the couch…" he finished in a childish tone. She turned around and shot him a disgusted glance, and playfully hit his shoulder, as Edge came walking up to them.
"So what did you get?" she called out, running to meet him halfway and standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. He smiled at her.
"Ah, Gabrielle, we have a night of classics. The Evil Dead Trilogy."
"Mmm….Bruce Campbell. Yummy." She remarked, grabbing the videos from him and running into the house, leaving Edge shaking his head, and Jeff biding him good luck on his conquest.