My Grievances Against Coach Tommy Heim

(written and conceived completely by Brian Boucher)

1.                He practices inadequate hygiene which causes nasal discomfort amongst the tennis players.

2.                His dire obesity is an embarrassment to the tennis team, the MISD, the city of Marshall, the state of Texas, and the United States of America.

3.                He engrosses in lard, gristle, and fat which is sold to him by Burger King and is consumed for all five meals. 

4.                He has refused to accept the fact that he is a dumbass.

5.                He has made us run a superfluous number of hills likely due to his being a horse’s ass.

6.                He is a fat fuck.

7.                He flirts endlessly and shamelessly with 8^th and 9^th grade tennis players.

8.                He is likely a pederast (see above).

9.                He farts and burps loudly causing nasal discomfort.

10.              He gay.

 It is therefore my request that Coach Heim be locked in a small cage where his fat ass can sit and rot.