I don’t think that I have ever actually had feelings of sexual desire for another. But if so- it did not last long- maybe a couple of minutes…This past year I was experiencing the apex in my everlasting stage of depression. The cause of this has not yet been decided, but I am beginning to believe that it was because of the lack of a reason to live. I had nothing to live for. No one was worthy. I had no desires for anything…Or so I thought. After much realization and denial, I recognized that it was because I was preventing myself from doing the things I wanted to do. My refusal created a cloud of melancholy, anger, and self-denial. Now this is the only time I am willing to admit this. I happen to be a not-very-open person…especially with expressing myself through feelings. I’ve always found an insidious way and reason to keep them locked up inside me as they decayed slowly and painfully. But anyway, that period occurred mainly because of my own self-worthlessness. I didn’t care about anyone – and no one gave a shit about me. However, presently, I believe that I have dissected this pain and grief and in turn, found anger. Anger over nothing. I don’t know why I feel this way. Maybe it’s time for me to start bitching and speaking my mind. THIS IS MY FUCKING TIME TO SHOW YOU WHO I AM…and no one is listening. I AM SCREAMING AT DEAF EARS.