People want to hear my story for a variety of reasons… Some want to compare it with their own, some want to criticize my judgment, some want to be inspired in their own practice of Islam, the reasons are to numerous and varied to list. I think anyone who has converted knows this first hand. Your conversion story becomes something you rattle off without thought. You modify, you shorten, you censor… It becomes something much different than from the first time you told it.
What I endeavor to write is something as close as I can get to the first time I answered that question. I feel that answer contained the most enthusiasm and candor of all my tellings.
When I was in college I remember hearing about Islam for the first time… I was in a religion course entitled Religions of the World. My interest was focused on Islam. I knew very little about it aside from the fact that it’s followers undertake a fast once a year and those who die in holy wars are destined for heaven. I was entranced when I discovered the similarities between Islam and the other two major religions, Christianity and Judaism. I did a paper on just that… The similarities between Christianity and Islam.
There was a wonderful center in the area where I was that helped to dispel misconceptions about Islam and focused on getting accurate information into texts being taught in the public schools. It was there that I saw a Muslim pray for the first time. I was enthralled when I heard the athan while visiting the center. I saw the people praying and I couldn’t say why, I just knew I wanted to be one of them.
But the people who helped me with my report and shared the information with me at the center never mentioned that you could convert to Islam. I thought you were either born Muslim or not. My quest for information stopped.
During my final year of school, a friend from the sociology department of my university converted to Islam. She had been on a trip to Israel with her church and was assigned to work in a local masjid with a women’s group. She came back from her church trip a Muslim. I saw her and I was so impressed. I have often wished I could find her and tell her how much her conversion influenced mine. I finally saw that Islam was for everyone.
Well, all that is framework… I had yet to really decide that Islam was for me. I went back to my hometown and began teaching at a preschool during the week and a Sunday school at my mother’s church on the weekends.
My teaching assistant in the preschool was Arab, and a Ramadan and Fridays kind of a Muslim (if you know what I mean). Islam was part of her cultural heritage, but not really a part of her everyday life. When I questioned her about it, she was surprised how much I knew. She told me flat out I knew as much as her and our religious discussions ended there. However, I did meet one person through her that would be influential in my conversion.
This person was sincere in their feeling for Islam, even though their life was far from from the teachings of Islam they were very knowledgeable. They gave me a copy of the Quran, and showered me with booklets on Islam. I was a little hesitant because I felt this person was a bit hypocritical behaving the way they did and then handing me a book which made it clear that the religion forbid such transgressions... But I was too interested in knowing more to let that detour me.
I read the booklets and the translation of the Quran every night. I could hardly drag myself to the Sunday school to teach a religion I now knew was not mine. I wanted to convert… But I still needed to iron out the details about the practice of the religion.
I was not comfortable asking the Muslims I knew about it, so I sought out other American women in the community. Lucky for me an American woman sat proudly in her hijab at the local museum where my job took me once a week.
After walking by and considering it 100 times… I talked to her. She gave me some good information, and had a welcoming domineer that made me feel at ease. I will always be grateful that I meet her, I feel knowing her helped me gain the courage to make my shahada. Through her I was also able to meet other women who had converted to Islam and find a place in the community.
I knew Islam would change my life, and I was afraid of being alone with no Muslim family. I admit I was sad to see that most converts were married. Meeting them did nothing to calm the fear that I would never find a husband or build a family of my own while practicing Islam. But I had already accepted Islam in my heart, there was no other way I could imagine living my life.
I made my shahada in the summer of 1998.
My life has not been the same since. I have a sense of peace I never had before. I am not perfect… But I am now married and raising a family in a religion that I truly believe, Islam.
