It's all true

JUST THE FACTS, MAN:

Police in Honolulu, Hawaii, responding to an apartment after a "911" call, were greeted by Denny Usui, 28. They asked to see his grandmother, who lived there, but he told them she wasn't home. After insisting they needed to talk to her, he changed his story, officers say. "Oh, I think she's dead," he told the cops. "She's in the shower." Officers found her, dead, "neatly covered" by a blanket. Usui reportedly told them, "I don't want to say anything else until I speak to my attorney because this is a felony and I never committed a murder before."

(Honolulu Star-Bulletin) ...If you give up your right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you as soon as we finish laughing.

 

The rescue squad

The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there is was too late and the man had died. While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart attack.

The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I guess he was going."

HOW TO DEAL WITH A BOA CONSTRICTOR IN THE AMAZON JUNGLE

 The following excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle. It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet end - always from the feet end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

Why is the famous London clock called Big Ben?

This popular misconception is a great trick question to stump any bothersome know-it-all. Few people realize that the name belongs not to the clock, but to the bell in the clock tower that's been ringing out the time of day since 1859. Its familiar sound began to gain international fame and familiarity when it was first broadcast on the radio in 1923.

The bell is big, all right: seven and a half feet tall, nine feet in diameter, thirteen and a half tons. But that's not how it got its name. Its installation was supervised by the Commissioner of Public Works, Sir Benjamin Hall.

 Sir Benjamin's height and waistline were both substantial, earning him the nickname of "Big Ben." The press and members of Parliament affectionately gave that name to the new bell, and it stuck

Amusing Real Life (well death actually) Stories

A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore --where a tree blew over and killed him

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Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge --killing him.

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Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England, was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.

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George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I., narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for files. The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him.

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pressed since he could not find a job, 42-year-old Romolo Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy, with a gun in his hand threatening to kill himself in 1981. His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about an hour he burst into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and killed his wife.

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 In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y., was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright; killed by a heart attack.

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 A man hit by a car in New York in 1977 got up uninjured, but lay back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car rolled forward and crushed him to death.

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 Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down and found himself in the city prison.

INSURANCE CLAIM FORM REPLYS

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions."

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

I pulled away from the side of the road. Glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

I had been driving for 40 years, when I fell asleep causing the accident."

As I approached the intersection a signal appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

An invisible car came out of nowhere and struck my car and vanished."

I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull."

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounded off the roof of my car."

Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards

These are supposedly actual comments left on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips. Human nature being what it is, I wouldn't doubt the authenticity of these remarks. You be the judge:

"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."

"Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."

"Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."

"Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."

"Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."

"All the mile markers are missing this year."

"Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."

"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."

"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."

"Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."

"Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."

"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."

"Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."

"Need more signs to keep area pristine."

"A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."

"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."

"Too many rocks in the mountains."

AMAZING BUT TRUE !!

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.