The Story of
Albert and the Tuna Sandwich
Passed on from Farmer Bob
So, this story begins, as all good stories do,
with me being hungry. In my hunger, I searched through my refrigerator
and cupboards, but alas, suitable nourishment was not to be found. Thus,
I determined that a trip to Safeway was in order. I walked out to my car,
list of necessities in hand, and knocked at the cottage door in order to offer
transportation in case Albert was similarly in need of sustenance.
As it turns out, Albert was occupied with culinary
activities of his own. Apparently, his
own quest for food had unearthed a can of tuna fish, which set off an intense
deep-seated desire in Albert to eat a tuna fish sandwich. So, he removed
the can of tuna fish from its cupboard, and prepared to craft a sandwich around
it.
But, there was a problem. He lacked mayonnaise.
Now, at this point, Albert had several
options. He could have walked fifty feet to the Shumpound and borrowed
from our plentiful supply of mayonnaise. He could have walked to the
store and purchased mayonnaise. He could have altered his dining plans.
Albert opted for none of these, thinking that the most straightforward solution
was simply to MAKE HIS OWN MAYONNAISE. Thus, he perused his cookbooks
until a recipe for mayonnaise was found, and then proceeded to collect the
necessary ingredients and follow the instructions. Quite some time later,
he found himself in the possession of a small bowl of gooey white material,
which did not look entirely unlike mayonnaise. And all was well.
But, as he discovered next, there was another problem.
He lacked bread.
Now, at this point, I walk in the door.
After Albert has related to me the recent events, I notice he has placed on the
kitchen counter a bag of flour... and a box of yeast...
"No," I say to Albert. "You are
going to get into the car with me, and we are going to go to Safeway, and you
are going to purchase your bread with money like a normal American
consumer."
So, he did. And upon returning home and
realizing he was now in the possession of not one, but all three ingredients
required for proper tuna fish sandwich preparation, he proceeded to make his
tuna fish sandwich and eat it.
And all was well.