*What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personality.
*What do a saxophonist and a baseball have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
*Why did the cat play the clarinet?
Because he felt he could relate.
*How many saxophones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, it takes at least 20 to figure out the lights are even out.
*What do four trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A good idea!
*How do you raise the town's IQ?
Shoot the tuba player.
*What's the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know, either.
*Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
There was a person from marching band, a person from colorguard, and a drumline person, each going different places on their own seperate ways. In the middle of the night, there was a freak accident with no other cars on the road, and they hit each other and all cars go flying off in different directions.
The colorguard member managed to climb out of the car and survey the damage. She looked at her twisted car and said, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the marching band guy and the drumline guy scrambled out of their cars and looked at their wreckage.
The marching band guy walks over to the drumline and colorguard people and said, "Hey guys, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."
The drumline guy thinks for a moment and said, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends."
The colorguard girl said, "Let me see what else survived this wreck."
She popped open her trunk and found a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.
She said to the drumline and marching band guys, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship."
"You're right!" said the drumline guy as he grabbed the bottle and started downed Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the bottle the drumline guy hands it to the marching band guy and said, "Your turn!"
The marching band guy downed a third and hands the bottle back to the colorguard girl.
The colorguard girl puts the cap back on the bottle and said, "I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."
*What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
*What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
