THE DAILY TRAVESTY for January 24, 2000
Volume 1, Issue 16
brought to you by B.C.
thanks to Tucker and Eric for letting me borrow
Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo.
translated from the elvish, "A star shines on the
hour of our meeting."
To be You
stroking your thick resolve
Oh, I've been a fighter in
but never, never
woman-child, soft and breathing
born of patience,
In your silence, I hear all things
In your sigh, I feel myself falling away
(Oh, that I could rest within your
swept into the steady
of rising and falling, rising and
sweet birth and death in
You fill me up
like a great mound of freshly damp earth,
packed dense and
beneath wild-growing things,
its presence to a young blue sky
I kiss your rich soil
to taste of the womb
You can't possibly know
of your stubbornness
Let me court your newly green buds
me bathe you in bright sun
Lend you warmth to slay the winter's
Frozen hill within can thaw
and rest in solid comfort there
earth and sky in springtime.
January 13, 2000
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THE ELUSIVE NATURE OF SHIT
RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius says: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened in my last life,
Protestantism: Shit happens cause you don't work
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are bad.
Episcopalianism: How Dare Shit Happen?
Lutheranism: Have faith in shit.
Calvinism: Shit that doesn't stink is a sign of
Baptism: Say Hallelujah to the shit.
Zen: What is the sound of one shit happening?
Moonies: Only happy shit happens.
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it
Jehovah’s Witnesses: Let us in and we'll tell you
why shit happens.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, shit happens, shit
shit happens happens, Rama rama
Mormonism: Shit happens in both the old world and
the new world.
Scientology: Extraterrestrials brought the shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Agnosticism: No shit?
B.C.: What is this shit? I've got to figure
Tucker: You must accept shit because only then
will you be free.
Eric: I don't know what shit is, but I do know it
is aggravated by a blocked sexuality.
Send us your own personal take on shit to
Next Issue... Your guess is as good as mine!!
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do so. We only ask that it be relatively SHORT. We also reserve the
right to edit your submission, but we promise to let you and everyone else know if we do (and we don't intend
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