THE DAILY TRAVESTY | Her Magic Part II & The Nature of Shit
 
THE DAILY TRAVESTY for January 24, 2000
    Volume 1, Issue 16
    brought to you by B.C.
    thanks to Tucker and Eric for letting me borrow
 
 
    Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo
Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo.
 
 
translated from the elvish, "A star shines on the hour of our meeting."
 
Photo above taken by Neal McDonough.  Electronic illustration by Via Davis, www.psycherotica.com
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To be You
stroking your thick resolve
Oh, I've been a fighter in my day
but never,  never
never so thick--
beautifully thick--
timelessly thick--
as you, woman-child, soft and breathing
born of patience, ever-lasting
In your silence, I hear all things
In your sigh, I feel myself falling away
 
(Oh, that I could rest within your sigh,
        your silence,
swept into the steady rhythm
of rising and falling, rising and falling,
sweet birth and death in you
forever)
 
You fill me up
like a great mound of freshly damp earth,
packed dense and fertile
beneath wild-growing things,
stating its presence
to a young blue sky
Firmly.
 
I kiss your rich soil
with my whisper-wind lips
to taste of the womb
You can't possibly know
the preciousness
of your stubbornness
 
Let me court your newly green buds
Let me bathe you in bright sun
Lend you warmth to slay the winter's frost
Frozen hill within can thaw
and rest in solid comfort there
of earth and sky in springtime.
 
                    --B.C.
                 January 13, 2000
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INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO LIVE FOREVER
 
Please forward this publication on to anyone of your friends and acquaintances you deem receptive.  If you have received this publication from a friend and you like it, subscribing is free and can be achieved by sending an email to bcphillips@chesapeake.net.  For anyone who has just tuned in, a thorough definition of the TRAVESTY can be found in Issue #2, available at the new website:
 
 
Concerning the new website, which is Big News, it is officially accessible TODAY.  Right now all we have available in cyberspace is the Travesty Archive of Past Issues, which is (hopefully) self-explanatory.  We eventually intend to expand the site to include other useful stuff, so keep checking back.
 
We are indebted to TRAVESTY reader Tricia C. for sparking the idea, and to reader Melinda M. for her help concerning the art of HTML, and her patience with the Editor, who can be a very aggravating person at times.
 
We ask that you do not judge us based on the very real possibility that the website is currently lame.
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THE ELUSIVE NATURE OF SHIT
 
RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD
Taoism:  Shit happens.
Confucianism:  Confucius says: Shit happens.
Buddhism:  If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam:  If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Judaism:  Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism:  This shit happened in my last life, too.
Protestantism:  Shit happens cause you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism:  Shit happens because you are bad.
Episcopalianism:  How Dare Shit Happen?
Lutheranism:  Have faith in shit.
Calvinism:  Shit that doesn't stink is a sign of being saved.
Baptism:  Say Hallelujah to the shit.
Zen:  What is the sound of one shit happening?
Moonies:  Only happy shit happens.
Christian Science:  Shit is in your mind.
Agnosticism:  Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Jehovah’s Witnesses:  Let us in and we'll tell you why shit happens.
Rastafarianism:  Let's smoke this shit.
Hare Krishna:  Shit happens, shit happens, shit shit happens happens, Rama rama
Mormonism:  Shit happens in both the old world and the new world.
Scientology:  Extraterrestrials brought the shit.
Atheism:  No shit.
Agnosticism:  No shit?
 
B.C.:  What is this shit?  I've got to figure it out.
Tucker:  You must accept shit because only then will you be free.
Eric:  I don't know what shit is, but I do know it is aggravated by a blocked sexuality.
 
Send us your own personal take on shit to be printed!
 
Next Issue... Your guess is as good as mine!!
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As always, if you would like to contribute anything to this publication, your work or not-your-work, in the form of a story, poem, quotation, essay, letter, opinion, satire, monologue, statement, speech, holy transmission, prayer, curse, or any other form under the sun, whether or not it has a name, please feel free to do so.  We only ask that it be relatively SHORT.  We also reserve the right to edit your submission, but we promise to let you and everyone else know if we do (and we don't intend to).
REPRINT WHAT YOU LIKE.  "Words are thought, and thought is free."
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