THE DAILY TRAVESTY for January 24, 2000
Volume 1, Issue 16
brought to you by B.C.
thanks to Tucker and Eric for letting me borrow
Elen sila
lumenn' omentielvo
Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo.
translated from the elvish, "A star shines on the
hour of our meeting."
Photo above taken by Neal McDonough. Electronic
illustration by Via Davis, www.psycherotica.com
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To be You
stroking your thick resolve
Oh, I've been a fighter in my day
but never, never
never so thick--
beautifully thick--
timelessly thick--
as you, woman-child, soft and breathing
stroking your thick resolve
Oh, I've been a fighter in my day
but never, never
never so thick--
beautifully thick--
timelessly thick--
as you, woman-child, soft and breathing
born of patience,
ever-lasting
In your silence, I hear all things
In your sigh, I feel myself falling away
(Oh, that I could rest within your
sigh,
your silence,
swept into the steady
rhythm
of rising and falling, rising and
falling,
sweet birth and death in
you
forever)
You fill me up
like a great mound of freshly damp earth,
packed dense and fertile
packed dense and fertile
beneath wild-growing things,
stating its presence to a young blue sky
Firmly.
stating its presence to a young blue sky
Firmly.
I kiss your rich soil
with my whisper-wind lips
to taste of the womb
You can't possibly know
the preciousness
of your stubbornness
with my whisper-wind lips
to taste of the womb
You can't possibly know
the preciousness
of your stubbornness
Let me court your newly green buds
Let me bathe you in bright sun
Lend you warmth to slay the winter's frost
Frozen hill within can thaw
and rest in solid comfort there
of earth and sky in springtime.
Let me bathe you in bright sun
Lend you warmth to slay the winter's frost
Frozen hill within can thaw
and rest in solid comfort there
of earth and sky in springtime.
--B.C.
January 13, 2000
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INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO LIVE FOREVER
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THE ELUSIVE NATURE OF SHIT
RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius says: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened in my last life,
too.
Protestantism: Shit happens cause you don't work
hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are bad.
Episcopalianism: How Dare Shit Happen?
Lutheranism: Have faith in shit.
Calvinism: Shit that doesn't stink is a sign of
being saved.
Baptism: Say Hallelujah to the shit.
Zen: What is the sound of one shit happening?
Moonies: Only happy shit happens.
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it
doesn't.
Jehovah’s Witnesses: Let us in and we'll tell you
why shit happens.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, shit happens, shit
shit happens happens, Rama rama
Mormonism: Shit happens in both the old world and
the new world.
Scientology: Extraterrestrials brought the shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Agnosticism: No shit?
B.C.: What is this shit? I've got to figure
it out.
Tucker: You must accept shit because only then
will you be free.
Eric: I don't know what shit is, but I do know it
is aggravated by a blocked sexuality.
Send us your own personal take on shit to
be printed!
Next Issue... Your guess is as good as mine!!
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