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This is how I feel


The illusion
The fantasy
The farce

I tried not to believe Tried not to deceive myself But now that it's over all I can do is cry

and you don't seem to care. Do you?

But you said that you cared! Even acted like it sometimes Was I the fool to believe you? Was I fooled? Deceived?

was I your toy? Just another one of your toys? One more virgin? One more notch on your belt?

And I forget Every time that you look at me and smile All the times that youíve looked at me in disgust I want to forget forever

i keep trying to forget, and you disrespect me for it.

And the questions go unanswered Do you know the answers? Just keep them from me, and keep me as part of your little game? Or are you really as confused as tell me you are? Why do I have to be treated without conscience until youíre in a good mood again just because you canít figure out what you want?

and why do I keep subjecting myself to it?

For those rare sporadic moments when I hug you and you hug back Itís worth it For those few isolated instances when you said loved me I keep trying

because I loved you, and I still want to

Deep thoughts from long ago:
This is how I feel

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