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HEY MOONBEAM        YOU'VE HIT PAY DIRT        ENTER NOW       JUST CLICK "FAT" AND RELAX         THAT'S RIGHT,  WE WANT YOU TO JUST CLICK "FAT" AND RELAX          WE'LL DO THE REST                THANK-YOU              AND ENJOY YOUR STAY HERE AT BIG FAT JOEYCAT                                     WE FIGURED YOU'D THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THIS MESSAGE REPEATED                   WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT AND YOU'VE JUST READ IT

Big Fat Joeycat is made possible in part by a grant from the J. Henceforth Stopit Foundation  

It's , do you know where your monkeys are?

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask why the beer isn't cold yet....   The only thing we have to fear is forest droppings....  Tear down this wall Mr. Potatohead....    Poor Granny, she's putting lunch in her ear....    For the latest news and weather visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFORAMA....   Building a web page?    Magnetcat can help!...      Give me liberty or give me bunch spinach....    Four score and seven years ago Hector met Hectera....   The market's up, the market's down, you're kinda ugly and Bozo's a clown....     Building a web page?    Magnetcat can help!...      For the latest news and weather visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFORAMA....   Extremism in the defense of liberty is no way to fry a corn dog....   What's good for General Motors is good for Buick....    What this country needs is a good 5 cent dollar....    It's my way or the hibiscus....    When in Rome do as the friends and countrymen do....    Building a web page?  Magnetcat can help!...     For the latest news and weather visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFORAMA....    Mary had a little hog his snout was wet and waxy and everywhere that Mary went the hog would hale a taxi....    A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Vinnie....    You can run, but you can't get Kool- Aid out of a hub cap....    Roses are red and violets are purple, sugar's sweet and so are Tootsie Rolls....  

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Great figures in animal history

You know you're way too silly when

HYPNOTICA       E-mail to Big Fat Joeycat 

Stream of semi-unconscious kitty musings

The top 12 reasons the neighbor lady knows she's special

Cat in the cradle       The favorite 8 names for farm gals       The cop's prayer

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Great Figures in Animal History

PECKY-- THE FIRST CHICKEN TO CROSS A ROAD

Pecky was hatched March 9, 1947 at the historic Jackson Lee Johnson Horowitz Smith Plantation near Cone View, South Carolina.  He was the thirty-fifth son of Moxy and Bert. A twelve pound roaster, Pecky enjoyed crowing and strutting, and was known locally as quite the hen's man.  On July, 23 1949 at one o'clock in the afternoon, Pecky made animal history by crossing County Road 8 three miles west of Cone View.    

Animal History Quiz

WHY DID PECKY CROSS THE ROAD?

A. To get a pack of Luckies   B. To practice the Serpentine Maneuver for ROTC   C. To avoid an approaching chain gang   D. To get back at Bert, whom he hated   E. To hot dog it in front of the peeps   E. All of the above    F. Some of the above.   

WHAT WERE PECKY'S FIRST WORDS AFTER CROSSING THE ROAD?

A. Look at me!   B. That's one small step for chicken, one great leap for poultry   C. Next stop Disneyworld   D. I think I'll get an RC to go with those Luckies   E. I do chicken right   F. Word

For the latest news and weather (and a special report) visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFOMATO

Building a web page?  Magnetcat can help.  He's got four simple rules for making any page a wonderful success!

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Big Fat Joeycat gently reminds us

YOU KNOW YOU'RE WAY TOO SILLY WHEN 

 

1- you call a Duke long distance and ask if he'll watch your dogs

2- you drive your girlfriend around the block and tell her you're Magellan 

3- you try to bribe a G-Man with cents-off coupons

4- you write the mayor demanding a day to honor your pet duck

5- you play the Tarzan yell backward hoping nuisance animals will leave your property

6- you dial 911 and try to sell the dispatcher magazines

7- you brag to strangers that you're Ronald McDonald's cousin

8- you go to a bank and request a cash advance on your library card

9- you dig a hole in your backyard, fill it with Jell-O and tell people you've hit flubber

10- you run for Congress but refuse to wear anything but a bathing suit and flip-flops

 

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For the latest news and weather (and a special report) visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFOMATO

Building a web page?  Magnetcat can help.  He's got four simple rules for making any page a wonderful success!

Learn something at Big Fat University

H Y P N O T I C A

 

Is it working?  Are you dazed?  Two separate issues.  

Well, if we'd managed to bring you under our control, you wouldn't be reading this (you'd be on your way to a mailbox with the cash money).  You must be that one in a million.  Tell you what,  give it another ten seconds, and try to relax this time.

Glory be, you say you gave it another ten seconds and the magic of HYPNOTICA still didn't put you in the mood for a walk? Click here.  

Don't be a scaredy-cat!  Travel through space and time to Big Fat Joeycat's  Mysterious Black Hole

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E-MAIL to Big Fat Joeycat

Joeycat-

How the hell did you get so fat?

Your pal, Chuckles the lab rat (ratboy26@metalcage.com)

Well, the short answer is in a former life I was a full service grocery store.  By the way Chuckles when you're done experimenting stop by. -BFJC

 

Joeycat-

You're pretty damn fat.  How'd you get that way?

Your pal, Bruno the chipmunk (puffnstuff@hollowlog.net)

Well, the short answer is in a former life I was a moon of Jupiter.  When your jowls get fully extended join Chuckles at my place. -BFJC

 

Joeycat-

You are a very fat cat.  Are you so fat you affect the tide?

Your pal, Darnell the prairie dog (poohdawg@dirtycity.com)

Perhaps, but only on Jupiter.  Hey Darnell, let's make it a foursome. -BFJC

 

Got food (for thought)?  Write joeycat@geocities.com

For the latest news and weather (and a special report) visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFOMATO

Learn all about it, whatever it is. Only at Kno and Go University!

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Big Fat Joeycat's

STREAM OF SEMI-UNCONSCIOUS KITTY MUSINGS

 

I love greasy stuff.

Poodle meat, I bet that's greasy.

The last squirrel I ate I puked on the rug.

It hurt to stare at the sun this morning.

Why does everything smell like me?

I need a kidney transplant, right to my food bowl.

If you lick yourself too much you don't get remnants.

The dog said he needed to find himself.

I can understand that, but doesn't he get dizzy chasing his tail?

Don't be a scaredy-cat!  Travel through space and time to Big Fat Joeycat's  Mysterious Black Hole

Learn fast and painlessly. Only at Kno and Go University!

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Big Fat Joeycat reveals

THE TOP 12 REASONS THE BIG FAT NEIGHBOR LADY KNOWS SHE'S SPECIAL

 

1- She knows she's special because her tires go 'round and 'round.

2- She knows she's special because she loves a parade.

3- She knows she's special because she flees fire.

4- She knows she's special because she's seen her share of Sundays.

5- She knows she's special because Mama sang tenor.

6- She knows she's special because she's named after a crayon.

7- She knows she's special because she Super Sizes.

8- She knows she's special because- two words- Postal Customer.

9- She knows she's special because her bird has a beak.

10- She knows she's special because she's got spoons.

11- She know's she's special because her dollars are green.

12- She know's she's special because her children chew.

 

For the latest news and weather (and a special report) visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFOMATO

Learn anything and everything at Big Fat University

Or concentrate on the Sociology of big fat neighbors. at Kno and Go University!

 

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Cat in the Cradle

Humpty Dumpty went to the fashion mall      Humpty Dumpty tried clothes size small      All the salesladies and all the salesmen       had egg sandwiches for lunch and again for din-din......      Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pint of Guinness       Jill fell down and broke her crown      so Jack dropped her at the dentist......      Row, row, row your boat      Gently down the creek      Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily      You like your salads Greek......      Building a web page?    Magnetcat can help!.....     Don't be a scaredy-cat.   Travel through space and time to Big Fat Joeycat's Mysterious Black Hole......      How many peppers could Peter Piper pick if Peter Piper was a pro bowler?......      There was an old lady who lived in a shoe      She had so much frou-frou she didn't know what to do......       Some like it straight     Some like it wavy     Some like it on their plate swimming in sauce d'jour......     Building a web page?    Magnetcat can help!.....     Don't be a scardey-cat!   Travel through space and time to Big Fat Joeycat's Mysterious Black Hole......                 

Don't be a scaredy-cat!  Travel through space and time to Big Fat Joeycat's  Mysterious Black Hole

Building a web page?  Magnetcat can help.  He's got four simple rules for making any page a wonderful success!

 

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Big Fat Joeycat educates city folks with

THE FAVORITE 8 NAMES FOR FARM GALS

 

Cucumbra

Butterella

Plowessa

Mater Beth

Seedifer

Barnisa

Celerina 

Goatina Deluxe

 

For the latest news and weather (and a special report) visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFOMATO

Learn all about it, whatever it is, only at  Big Fat University  Or try your luck at  Kno and Go University!

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Big Fat Joeycat finds religion with

THE COP'S PRAYER

 

Our hot one, which art in the rack, glazed be thy name.

Thy kreminess come.  Thy krispyness done, in the store

as it will be in the squad car.  Give us this day our

daily dozen.  And forgive us our fat asses, as we forgive 

those who hold our fat asses against us.  And lead

us not into convenience stores, but deliver us from

joy cakes.  For thine is the original, and the freshest,

and the greasiest, for ever and ever.  Amen 

Don't be scaredy-cat!  Travel through space and time to Big Fat Joeycat's  Mysterious Black Hole

Building a web page?  Magnetcat can help.  He's got four simple rules for making any page a wonderful success!

Do the higher learning thing at  Big Fat University  and/or Kno and Go University!

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For the latest news and weather (and a special report) visit Big Fat Joeycat's INFOMATO

Naughty, Naughty

We asked you not to click there, BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!!!   Due to your transgression we were forced to move you from Visitor Category A to Visitor Category B.

Hit Counts:

Category A (fine, upstanding visitors)   

Category B (moonbeams)      Hit Counter

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Ask not what what your country can do for you,  ask who the hell wants two chickens in their pot.

Don't be a scaredy-cat!  Travel through space and time to Big Fat Joeycat's  Mysterious Black Hole

Building a web page?  Magnetcat can help.  He's got four simple rules for making any page a wonderful success!

D E E P  H Y P N O T I C A

Thanks, and remember, if anyone asks, you spent that c-note on opera tickets. 

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Thank you for visiting the Big Fat Joeycat.  We hope your visit has been enjoyable and look forward to seeing you again soon. 

Updated 3/25/01

 

  2001 Big Fat Joeycat

Learn something at Big Fat University