It seemed as though life was a little unusaul lately. It was almost like my life had gone downhill so cataclysmically. A month ago I was living the ultimate high life. Great family life, great friendships, the coolest best friend for almost 6 years now, a guy, college handed to me at my university (UNR), and I was going to Africa. I was even starting a band!

Since then my life has taken some dramaticleap for the worse.Almost like my life is the Truman Show and it is throwing me for a loop by coaxing people to invade on my space.

Well that boyfriend, nevermind. My family is out to get me and I swear everyone but my mother (in the family) has some hidden vendetta against me and lately my best friend and I have been on different planets. My grades are sliding into oblivion the only college I will even be considered for is Community at the rate I am going. The band is still a go though, it keeps me hopefull.

The story of my family is a bit strange, dare I say. I have lived in dust bowl central (aka Pahrump) for 8 years. (before that living in Jackpot, Boise, Alaska, Idaho etc etc.) All of my friends are here, and I am doing so well in Journalism at this school. So when my mom moved, I could not force myself to leave the familiar rut. So I stayed with my grandparents. My mom was my best friend and choosing to stay was a tough choice. But in spite of my best friend Brandy, my friends , family and school I decided to stay in Pahrump, at least for my sophomore year anyways.

The first half was great and fun. My grandparents rules were a little strict and tight fitting, but not so bad that I couldnt breathe. Every spare moment I could I would hang out with my compadres, but my time got stretched so thinly. Now I had an assistant editor position that demanded 5 hours every day, homework, friends, ad my own personal downtime. It was so hard to squeeze anybody or anything in. I was secluded to myself. Busy, and incharge, and i loved it! Being able to wake up and say "hey I am busy all day today!" made me feel important to myself anyways. And at the same time my job as a promoter was really taking off.

The second half of the year began with a bang. I realized who I was for the first time in my life. Little did I know I was so nieve and Jaded it was just a preconcieved notion of who I really am. That is why I am writing this "something", to maybe through the time catch a glimpse of my internal structure. Contraversial to my every thought.

JANUARY, my college was handed tome by doing a mapping project, I was going to Africa and I was Actually going to be in a band. I BELIEVED in myself for the very first time, without the help of others standing by to crutch y wounded self esteem. Something inside me strted to warm up, to break free and to breath life into the hollow streams that once thrived.

All this is s strange to me because a year or so ago I was trying so hard to be "goth" the error of the human breed. I had an understanding of true hatred and I felt it toward everyone and everything. I thought I knew who I was then also. I was Chelsey Gordon Davis the different, and I liked to be the only girl like me. I still am the only person like me, but back then the struggle was to innovate and originate. I was wild and crazy amd I tried so hard to impress. Who? Myself. No one knew of my insecurities, not even me.

It wasnt all bad. I threw the best parties, I had the two best boyfriends Ricky and Jesse. But Ricky was a downfall. I loved him and worshipped him he left, I broke down. I got over it. They both ended up moving, funny how things work out.

Into the freshman year I met Shonda. We hit it off, soulmates to the core. Her birthday May 28 My birthday May 27. She inspired so much life into me. The true state of being, living. We had our first band together. Frozen, me her Damien (Damienatrix another good firend) and Christina replacing Michelle. It was great while it lasted needless to say, at the end of the year, Christina turned into a whore, Shonda moved and Michelle moved, and Damien had no drumset. I quit.

Went to Alaska, went out with Peanut. Fishing was life. And I was diggin the scenery. I loved to clean them, some sick and morbid thing.

HomeONTO THE PRESENT> TODAY FEB 21, 2001. Damien has now moved or gone. I havent seen him for days. I miss him. Alot. It is so sad, that I am misssing of my gothic friend. Today I am in a great mood. Sitting in the computer lab, Alana is so funny. I really need a boyfriend here. I crave the attention and the sexual ineundo. Yeah I guess that is what I want to say today. I leave off my intelectual is not following me home I left it in Anatomy class. Big words are draining. Chelside Xero.

Cant write. but i miss having a life. Well you know, sick and sad sucks. I dont feel so good. Gonna go