Small reflection groups to be effective, requires:
commitment to regular and punctual attendance by all group
members
confidentiality, with nothing discussed in the group to be
repeated outside, except with the mutual agreement of all members
honesty and trust between group members, or nothing
worthwhile will be shared
a willingness to hear constructive criticism and to move on
from previous attitudes and priorities where this seems appropriate
members who are not 'yes' people, but prepared, with due
care and forethought, to challenge the way things are at present, and
encourage a new vision of the way things could be in living.
An invitation to reflect on living
The aim of this informal group is to help you reflect on
personal aspects of the direction and effectiveness of your living. The
group will, provide you with constructive criticism as well as being a source of
personal support and encouragement. It can help you understand better your
own strengths and non-strengths in living, and so have a positive contribution
to your personal development and ability to live and work with others. It
can act as a sounding board for ideas or personal concerns not appropriate
in the family, and it can be a source of insight and support for you, in the
midst of the stresses and strains of life. It should be a crucible out of
which you will be learning how to build each other up for your mutual life as
parts of the body of Christ.
Some of these things happen spontaneously or accidentally from
time to time; ideally this group can help them happen more intentionally and
more regularly, and give you an external 'push'' to review your own journey of
faith, and your own roles as spouse, parent and Christian. Trust and
confidentiality, need it be stated, are pre-requisites for the life of the
group, and so also are humor, celebrations and prayer!
The points listed below may give the group the excuse to open up
ideas and discussion, but the list is in no order of priority and by
no means exhaustive:
perceptions of the transition into the life as a Child of
God, the process of adjustment and change for you and your family
perceptions of the community as the place of life together
adjusting to expectations of leaders, Christians,
congregations, the community, and of yourself and your family
what do you enjoy most in life? why?
getting helpful feedback on how you are 'coming across'; how
you and the family seem to be coping
recognizing gifts; recognizing missed opportunities for
help, or for personal and family growth
causes of personal and family frustration or stress, and
ways to possibly overcome these
what do you yearn for most in your life?
reflection on time allocated to various tasks and
responsibilities, work and family and other, 'business and pleasure'
personally accounting for 'the faith that is in you', that
give life meaning
your continuing education, becoming more competent; mental
stimulus, spiritual growth
your physical and emotional health
sources of satisfaction and encouragement
working with conflict; and with apathy
communicating with different groups
being accountable to God
what is not yet in your life?
your family, ten years from now
prayer and spiritual nourishment
anger, guilt, powerlessness, regrets
ministering to your family; to the sick and bereaved; to the
young and the aged, etc.
your willingness to be ministered to, to receive care
yourself, to accept help
unresolved questions of faith and belief
ways of introducing change, encouraging involvement,
motivating people, freeing up resistance
difficult jobs, things you put off or avoid
non-Christian interests, responsibilities, hopes
Individual Reflection
Consider the applicability of the above to your situation in
living. if it has some possibility of encouraging a support group or
individual to contribute to the enhancement of your living, identify specific
changes to its format or wording which would be needed to meet your needs.
You may want to make notes beside items, or add new areas of more direct
relevance to your experience and field of need.
Agenda
While a group is unlikely to find difficulty in identifying
issues of mutual concern for discussion, it is important that these not
degenerate into 'gripe sessions'. Instead, it is suggested that members
all bring as 'homework' individual preparation. In the whole group, or in
pairs or triplets, share individual conclusions and interpretations; encourage
each other to recognize:
existing strengths; and
areas which apparently need further work or thought.
Close with prayer for each other; seek to affirm each other's
living and concerns at this time, and pray for the continuing guidance of
the Holy Spirit in specific areas of the lives of group members. While it
may take some time to establish this level of sharing, trust, and openness in
prayer, the benefits are considerable.
2. Continuing education in Christian living
Edward Bratcher in his book The Walk-on-Water Syndrome has some
scathing things to say about the way clergy and laity are functioning far below
their God-given potential, because they are constantly facing problems that
leave them discouraged and with great emotional and spiritual pain.
Laity need a constantly renewed sense of direction from
the church, and need to work together to set and achieve goals for dimensions of
Christian life; the inner upbuilding of faith;
Take seriously the example of Jesus in our prayer life:
'keep our lives warmed at the heart of his life'. We are called first
of all to belong to him as Savior and Lord - nothing else is more important
for one's vocation as a Christian.
The persistence of an Olympic athlete is needed in the
pursuit of spiritual growth. Continuing theological study, as
well as prayer and meditation, involve our emotions, so we are tempted to
neglect all such disciplines during periods of vocational or familial stress
or when God appears to be absent. The only answer is an exercise
of the will and persistence in the spiritual disciplines (and see
Richard Footer, The Celebration of Discipline).
The use of a range of devotional resources can undergrid our
determination to persist in honing our gifts and expanding our experience of
spiritual growth. For some this primarily involves the Bible.
Others find the classics of spirituality a great resource.
Participation in prayer retreats, a resource now undergoing
a widespread 'revival'. Silent retreats, private but structured
retreats, and led or taught retreats, are among the variety of experiences
readily available. Quiet days, weekend or three or four day retreats
are now reasonably commonly accessible, but there is as yet little attempt
to emulate the extended retreats. The extended retreat, is still in
the process of rediscovery and theological exploration to determine the
format and content appropriate to the late twentieth century. The
saints who have continued in the faith through great tribulations, have much
to share with mature Christians.
The keeping of a prayer diary or spiritual journal, to
clarify one's experiences, and perceive, usually in retrospect, the evidence
of God's guidance (and see above).
The need to 'personalize' one's devotional life. By
this is meant the identification of when, where, and how to pray in the
context of one's work and family commitments, temperament, and stage of
spiritual growth. There is no one right pattern for all, and no one
pattern that will be equally helpful to one person across all phases of his
or her life. By 'trial and error' a family or individual has to work
out what 'works for them' at this time - early morning solitary prayer,
family devotions at the tea table,, bedtime prayers with young children, a
Sunday night family circle, and so on. The busy lay worker can
find a suitable time slot in the day's routine, whether it is in one's
office, or a lunchtime stroll or park bench quiet time.
What are the reality factors? What are the constraints
as to time, money, family, work commitments, recent or impending job change,
program availability and flexibility, and my ability to schedule appropriate
blocks of time for continuing education? How will I obtain the
necessary books, study guides, supervision, equipment (audio or video
players, etc.)? Can I work at home, free from interruptions, or do I
need to find an alternative study location?
What is being accomplished? What changes are resulting
from participation in continuing education opportunities? Do the
benefits justify the costs in time, money and effort? How can I
evaluate the effectiveness of the program, or time spent? What are the
relative costs and benefits for me personally.
What is being planned for the future? Have is set
myself goals for further education, and are these being achieved? Are
my short-term and long-term vocational goals clearly established, so that I
can discern whether or not they are being met? Have I considered my
continuing education intentions for this month, this year,, the next five
years, the next ten years?
Take time to read back over these suggestions, and consider
their implications for your growth in spiritual maturity and vocational
effectiveness. Do you need more information on what is available in
your area? Who would hold information on the names and contact points
of teachers on prayer and spirituality, the location of retreat centers,
devotional materials, or training in the conduct of prayer workshops and
retreats? Note down the questions which arise for you, and ideas for
your own growth which are worth further exploration.
Inventory of Continuing Education Interests
As a preliminary exercise in identifying where you might
most fruitfully begin to pursue further knowledge and experience in Christian
living, you are invited to complete the following chart. Because it
is designed for use in a variety of situations, it can only have rather general
parameters.
Be as specific as you can about your own needs and interests
as you fill it in. If necessary, add your own categories at the bottom
of the list.
Tick any area which applies to you, and write next to it
your particular interest in continuing education for Christian living, and
where you believe you might find resources to help meet that interest.
You may need to distinguish between 'knowledge about', and 'skills or
abilities' in some of the areas. Finally, it may be necessary to refer
to your trainer for details of courses, libraries, retreat centers, coaches
or counselors.
a person 'possessed by the Spirit', characterized by
personal holiness of life, a closeness to God;
a person of experience, one who has struggled with the
realities of prayer and life, who has encountered his/her own passions,
inner conflicts, darkness and light;
a person of learning (though without spiritual maturity
this can be dangerous), one steeped in scripture, and in the Fathers and
Mothers of the church;
a person of discernment, one of perception and insight, of
vision, one who can read 'the sighs of the times, the writing on the walls
of the soul'.
a person who 'gives way to the Holy Spirit', who helps
others to recognize and follow the inspirations of grace in their lives,
to assist in reading ' the breathings of the Spirit'.
Tilden Edwards in his book Spiritual Friend: Reclaiming the
Gift of Spiritual Direction, has a chapter on 'Seeking a spiritual friend'
(pp105ff). He canvasses such issues as:
age: it is best to choose someone 'in the second
half of life: roughly thirty-five or older'.
sex: where there is a choice between two good people of
different sexes, Edwards suggests choosing a trainer of the opposite sex
to yourself.
experience: 'seek out someone who is confident in
experience yet humble in it'.
personality: look for complementary - if you are
analytical, seek a more 'feeling' type of person as spiritual trainer, and
so on; avoid extreme differences as rapport may be difficult.
your present spiritual path: it is important that your
friend/trainer have some experience of and sympathy for your path; a
sympathetic yet critical experience of different paths is best of all.
someone outside your immediate institutional context; a
lay person should look to someone other than his or her own
pastor/minister.
ideally a trainer/guide should not be too distant, because
contact needs to be fairly frequent at least in the initial stages of the
relationship; if necessary, letters and audio tapes may supplement
personal contact, but can rarely replace it successfully.
exploration phase: mutual expectations and basic
compatibility need to be explored without a 'permanent' relationship being
implied; there needs to be a reasonable 'personality fit' and sympathy
(though not necessarily identity) of outlook; if in doubt, sleep and pray
on it.
covenant phase: clarify what is really important for you
in the relationship, and how you will know if it is remaining 'on the
track', and fruitful in your spiritual formation. Consider practical
issues like frequency and place of meeting; length of consultation
sessions; the place of discussion; shared and silent prayer, 'homework'
and preparation, the primary role(s) of the trainer (listener, supporter,
confronter, theologiser, prayer, counselor, etc.): other mutual
expectations, times for evaluation, prayer.
What is your next step?
It may be time to give some serious thought and prayer to
the possibility of exploring such a supportive relationship for yourself?
If you are at least interested to consider further such a
possibility, try to think through (and note down) what it is you
seek. What would be your expectations of a spiritual
friend/guide/trainer? What would you be seeking through spiritual
training? How would this differ from supportive friendship you
already have with other Christians?
What do you understand to be the distinctive advantages
and possible dangers of individual as against group guidance within the
community of faith? In what ways would you benefit from relating to
one soul friend, in contrast to a small group?
Read again thee 'marks' of a spiritual trainer,
above. Even if you are not yet convinced that you want to seek out a
potential trainer. Seek to clarify in your mind what it is about
these 'marks' that attract you to consider that they may be able to
encourage you in your journey of faith.
Give yourself a set time of say three to four days over
which to pray and think further about the possibility of spiritual
training for yourself. Set yourself a particular target date by
which to come to at least a tentative conclusion about this issue.
Equally important, mentally commit yourself to (and note down) times
for specific prayer and meditation about this area of need in your life,
then seek to be as open as you can in prayer to the leading of the Holy
Spirit. Remember that spiritual training is merely a means to an
end,, and that end is God in Christ, who to serve is perfect freedom and
perfect fulfillment.
For future reference, at the end of the period of prayer
about your 'next step' in spiritual training write down and date yo8ur
conclusions; whatever the outcome, you may like to write a prayer of
thanksgiving to the God who has led you thus far.
4. Reviewing the spiritual journey
The pilgrimage has long been part of the religious life and
search for faith. Sometimes it involves an 'outward journey' as in
visits to Jerusalem, to Christian communities such as to Lourdes.
Pilgrimage is also an allegory of the 'inward journey' of the Christian life,
in search of the One who called himself 'The Way."
It
takes a considerable time to review your life's spiritual journey in any great
depth, so this is really an invitation to commence a process of on-going
review.
Part A
With pencil and paper at hand, begin to think back over your
life and try to identify the ups and downs in your relationship with
God. A line drawing, with decades and other significant events in your
life marked on it, may help you to see things in their historical
relationships with each other; alternatively, you may prefer a graph, a
diagram, a sketch, or a symbolic drawing. Reflect on your high points,
your low points, times of break-through or joy, times of despair. Take
at least twenty to thirty minutes for this reflection and drawing.
Use
the space below, or preferably a large sheet of paper and bold lines rather
than intricate little details. When finished, consider whom it would be
enjoyable to share this with - someone who knows you well enough to help
interpret your visual presentation, and to join in celebrating the movement
depicted.
DO NOT go on to Part B until you are reasonably
satisfied.
Part
B
You need to set aside at least an hour for uninterrupted
thought and prayer. It will be helpful to make a few notes opposite some
points. Within the time available, discipline yourself to attend to the
'starters' listed below, and do not move too quickly; alternatively, you may
wish to return to one or two points again, to reflect on them at greater
length.
1. How would you define someone who is
'spiritually mature'? Write down some words or phrases that
describe such a person. If possible, have in mind an actual person whom
you know well.
2.
Reflecting on your own experience, how do you define 'spiritual
development'? Write down a sentence or two.
3.
If 'spiritual development' is a life-long journey or process, how do you
describe your present position on the journey? Perhaps you can best
comment by glancing backwards, then glancing forward from your present vantage
point. You may refer to such landmarks as:
conversion:
return to or renewal of faith
prayer
self-knowledge
renewed spiritual growth
inter-relationships for you of love of self/neighbor/God
the challenges and joys of living
desert and valley experiences
Conclude by
describing as best you can your present position on the journey, your current
degree of 'spiritual well-being'.
Now become
more specific in your personal reflection: take time in prayerful meditation,
seeking with the Holy Spirit's help to be honest and discerning about your
present practices and priorities. Jot down some notes to yourself, not
only of your 'answer' at this point, but further thoughts or questions that
come to mind.
when, specifically, do you take time with God?
when are you most aware that God is with you?
what are your main forms of prayer?
which form(s) do you presently find most helpful?
Why?
what would you describe as your most precious/valued
prayer experience?
what types of devotional literature or art forms have you
used in prayer in the past year, and which do you currently find most
helpful?
what part, if any, do the Scriptures play in your prayer
life?
how often do you pray with others? If you do pray
with others, how free do you feel in that context to explore a variety of
forms of prayer with those people? if you don't what are the
practical reasons or barriers for you, and how could these change?
considering your participation in public worship, and in
this sense 'formal' prayer liturgies, do you find these prayer times more
or less beneficial than private prayer? Why? What maximizes their
value for you?
how frequently do you schedule -
times of prayer or meditation each day
sharing in public worship, and Holy Communion
silent retreat times, quiet days
directed retreats (not seminars or workshops)
personal spiritual direction, with a 'spiritual friend',
trainer or mentor
peer-group reflection, with others who are living
Christianity
reflection on opportunities for you to receive/give
feedback, to try out ideas, and to receive/give caring support
times of personal 'stock taking', reviewing the past, and
setting goals for the future
what forms of retreat do you find most helpful?
Why? If you have not participated in some of those listed above, why
is this? (Lack of information about them, not readily available, no
time = not a priority, prejudicial comments by others, etc.)
what part do issues of reconciliation, peace, and justice,
play in your spirituality?
what other aspects of prayer, meditation, and
contemplation are important for you now?
are there areas of difficulty for your personal spiritual
well-being at this time? If so, where do (or should) you look for
support or counsel?
what are your priorities for positive change in your
prayer life?
what part do material possessions and financial giving
play in your spirituality?
Part C
In your own way, and at your own pace, bring your experience
and new thoughts or commitments together in prayer. After a time of
meditation and prayer, note down any new insights and priorities which come to
you for your ongoing living.
Christians are called to share in and give direction to their
Training Program from God. Ahead of all else, the program points to our
graduation and to the Spirit-filled life of his body, the church. In
this program, to experience fulfillment or depression, or other powerfully
motivation or inhibiting reactions, is to enter into the way of the cross with
the Lord of death and life himself. If the 'problems' addressed in this
exercise can be summed up as how to rise above (if not avoid) the dark and
stressful times which certainly recur in Christian living, the 'answer' lies
in the areas of spirituality.
How is a Christian to rise above the pressures and demands of
the world?? One answer seems to be as basic as how you understand and
live out the 'call' to be God's child.
The priority is one's own dynamic and personal relationship
with God - all else in the plan of living takes its point of departure from
this focus... The question is 'What are the God-endowed resources both
of the individual and of the community of faith?' Here there is no
approved definition of the path to success, satisfaction, and Quality of Life,
rather a statement of the minimum sources of God-given support for living
within the context of God's family.
It is worth pondering at some length, preferably in the
prayerful setting of a silent retreat or quiet day, on one's current or
changing understanding of the general call to Christian living. Such
fundamental issues should be reviewed at least annual if we are to remain open
to the 'changing winds of the Spirit'.
A second approach amounts to a holistic 'theology of
training,' or even a 'spirituality of stress/un-stress'. This is not the
place for a theological treatise on creation and humanity, let alone a
comprehensive manual on a personal health, but a few questions can be asked as
a basis for reflection.
To what extent has by training, and experience, encouraged me
to give due, balanced attention to myself?
preventing/managing stress effects on my body (including
food, vitamins, exercise, rest).
strengthening the 'positive programming' of my mind to
deal with the impact of negative thoughts, the criticisms of others, and
the impact of violence and negative approach in the media and
society at large ('I cannot change some of the circumstances of my
life, but I can control the way I respond to them').
coping with the negative versions of the emotions of
'fight or flight', and learning to acknowledge, accept, and channel
rather than repress my feelings.
exercising the will by seeking to come to decisions and
make choices by looking at the options from God's viewpoint, in comparison
to God's rules, and by deciding whether this is something I want to do or
is it what God has provided me.
in the area of the spirit, growing in my personal ability
to 'walk in the light', walk in the footsteps of the One who is 'the Way,
the Truth, and the Life' and within my personal training program. I
must choose this day whom I will serve - 'as for me and my house, we will
serve the Lord'. is my first priority truly to be a joyful, redeemed
follower of the risen Lord or a slave to the whims and wills of those I
seek to serve in his name?
The purpose of this lesson was to bring the disciplines of
prayer, reflection, decision-making, and shared responsibility in God's Plan
to bear on the stresses and strains of life as you are experiencing them at
present. The exercises that we have done are illustrative of individual
and shared paths of spiritual growth. May they encourage you, first of
all, in your relationship with the God we know in Jesus Christ, and second, in
the exercise of your gifts of living.
You may feel that the way of living we have been considering
is a quantum leap from your present experience. Not only do you feel
that you are in left field; you are in another state, maybe another
country. That probably overstates the case, but even if it is an
accurate description of your situation you need not be discouraged. You
do not have to be advanced in the intricacies of sainthood to begin to move
into holy obedience. You do not even need to know all of the problems or
pitfalls. You need only one thing: a desire to know
God and to train with Him and His plan for you. Indeed, I would go so
far as to say that the very fact that you are participating in this training
program is desire enough for God to begin bringing the grace of holy obedience
into your life.
You can trust God to individualize the training: some things
he will no doubt urge you to ignore; certainly he will teach you many
personalized steps this training program does not cover. Above all, seek
to be attentive to your Top Coach, whether through this training program or
beyond this program.
We are to discipline ourselves to 'seek first the Kingdom of
God." This focus must take precedence over absolutely
everything. We must never allow anything, whether deed or desire, to
have that place of central importance.
Let go of all distractions until you are driven into the
Plan. Allow God to reshuffle your priorities and eliminate unnecessary
activity. Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, "Pray for me that I not
loosen my grip on the hands of Jesus even under the guise of ministering to
the poor." That is our first task: to grip the hands of Jesus
with such tenacity that we are obliged to follow his lead, to seek first his
Kingdom.
The next step is so simple I am almost embarrassed to mention
it, and yet it is so important that I must. Begin now to obey him in
every way you can. Start right where you are, in the midst of all the
tasks that press in upon you. Do not wait for some future time when you
will have more time or be more perfect in knowledge. The Roman governor
Felix wanted to wait for a more 'convenient season,' but we all know that
there is no more convenient season. "Today when you hear his voice
do not harden your hearts," warned the author of Hebrews (Heb. 3:7-8).
Right now, as you read these words, ask for an increase of the guidance of God
your Father. In every task of your day seek to live in utter surrender,
listening and obedient.
some more advice in holy obedience is to get up quickly and
keep going if you stumble and fall. You will fall, you know.
But when we do fail we do not need to give excessive time
mourning the loss. We need to get up, and start again immediately.
Nor should we linger long at the site of battles won. The issue in holy
obedience is not whether we failed or succeeded yesterday or this morning, but
whether we are obedient now. So Act Now, and put your training plan into
Action.
Send mail to george0361@netzero.net with
questions or comments about this web site.
Last modified: June 19, 2000
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