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Ordinary Things

(A Diary Of Mindless Thoughts Or Happenings!)

I saw a page, where a guy recorded his dreams...well, since I almost like NEVER remember dreams,I thought it might be fun to record crazy thoughts instead! *Grin*

Back to the Blog

Disclaimer thingie: Please keep in mind that these entries are usually scratched when I get out of bed at 4 a.m. to get ready for my day...so yeah, there will be typographical, and gramatical errors, and whathaveyou...

Live with it!!

January 2003

~I spent a day and a half cleaning in my son’s bedroom. God we are such junk collectors! I mean why do we keep all the stuff we do?

Ok, so I hate to waste and throw things that might still be of some use, and the whole “Save The Earth” recycle thing....you know?

Ugh......unfortunately, I seem to have passed this trait down to my son; and now I must pay the price.

We did get everything sorted out and in boxes and labeled and stuff....it looks all neat-o too! Yeah, I know...it won’t last. But the little guy re-discovered so many toys, it was almost Christmas again!

I then spent the next day and a half catching up with the bookkeeping; bank conciliations, quarterly reports and readying the year’s end...yeeeeee! NOT!!!

Oh I’m such a practical, handy woman to have around, I tell ya! (but my services don’t come cheap!) *wink*

Still haven’t found the time to study for that Linux Cert Exam though...but I’ll get to it. Even if it means (which it more than likely will) that I have to burn the midnight oil for a few.

I have decided that I will dedicate a little more time to writing once again...a gift to myself, if you will...to help find myself, and maintain that balance that I held so precious for a time.

~ I spent a very restless night, last night. Tossed and turned for most of it. I suppose I was anxious about my first day back at school. New classroom, new course, new teacher, and being on the road again...

I know, I know...hush you!

But I sincerely believe that this stress and torment I put myself through time after time, help spur me to that finish line you know, I really do!

Hey...whatever works, eh? *wink*

Ok, so you already know that I tend to march to the beat of my own drum, but wait till you hear about this freakozoid little "experience" I had in the wee hours of the morning.

Now…you gotta promise you won’t laugh though…ok? Good! Cause if you do...I swear I’ll never tell another tale!!!

So there I lay…halfway between awake and asleep...suddenly I could see inside my own mind...

These colored electrical pulses bouncing off at an alarming chaotic speed inside my head, but they were broken, and seeking the other end that would make them complete.

Lo and behold, they finally started to connect; these little bits merged and began to form......thoughts! As the pulses joined to complete, in a beautiful array of color, I started to think at a broken pace...one slow thought at a time...(and it went something like this)"ok, you're lying in bed"...."and you"..."have to pee"..."you must get up now"...."get up and go pee"....

So I did, but all the way to the bathroom I thought....oooo way cool! That was pretty awesome, I want to dream in Technicolor like that again man!

*WeeeOOOOweeee*

Nope, the whole little episode wasn’t even med-enduced! LOL

Yeah I know, I’m certifiable but shhhh...let’s just not tell anyone!

~Sunday’s the one day I could sleep in if I wanted to...but I always get up early to savor a bit of quiet time while the rest of my brood sleeps.

And a sun day it is indeed! Stabs of light are poking holes in my eyes through the slats of the vertical blind as I write :)

We went to see The Two Towers (Lord Of The Rings – Part Deux) yesterday, and though I thought it fabulous, very rarely does a sequel live up to the original movie for me...as was the case here as well. I absolutely loved the characters, that goes without saying, but once again it is the breathtakingly beautiful scenery that totally awes me in this series. Being as I’ve read the books, I am looking forward to the third part in a big way. It should be action-packed!

I love the old 1914 theater we go to. As soon as you walk in, you’re transported to another era…sure a movie screen now covers the curtained stage, but you still get a feel for what it might have been like to sit there and watch a theater production…or at least I do.

~On my drive home from the city, there are fields with a mountain-chain backdrop to my right, and a valley below me to the left that stretches out for miles till it banks a River…Today I got to watch a storm hit a particular spot where all of these meet in harmony...

Winds gusted over the fields obscuring the mountains, and covered the road with drifting snow. Swollen grey clouds hung heavily over the valley below; lined by a sliver of sunlight they suddenly burst open, like a ripe cervix ready to give birth, and give birth it did! It soon turned to blizzard-like conditions, and I had to pull over for a bit till visibility got better. It was so beautiful! (I was probably the only oddball stuck in that storm that thought it beautiful and cool)

People think I’m nuts for traveling such a distance to go to school, and ask me why I don’t move to, or at least closer to the city...a lot of things come into play, but mostly...I guess I’ll just always be a country mouse. I honestly love the transition from city to country to city again *shrug* I guess it all comes back to my hypothesis on opposing entities...

~Day started out ok, I was ready for my Subnetting Quiz, confident and all...but then I did the "Multi-Tasking Mom Thing" arms all loaded up, ready to take the kid to the sitter's, and...I lost my footing. I then went tumbling down, down, down the stairs.

(This would be the point where the day started getting SHITTY!!)

I eventually got up, (in the midst of my childs wailling) got in my Jeep, was going to drive all the way into school regardless! But I soon felt my leg swelling like a balloon, and it started to hurt like fuck!

So that's that.

Guess I'll be going for X-Rays later on in the day. It better not be broken!! I'll have some catching up to do now...the Quiz and the Mid-Term Exam on Monday!

*Grrrrrrrowl*

~So the leg’s not broken *relief*, but it’s badly sprained and severely bruised. Doc is worried that it’s still so hot to the touch, and says this might indicate infection. He wants me back there today if there's no change, which there isn't, but you know...he can just take a flying leap off the nearest ledge if he thinks I’m wasting any more time in that emergency room!!! (5 hrs was enough the first time!)

I’ll hobble to and from, for as long as I have to ;) I just hope my legs are not still multi-colored by the time we leave for our vacation to the Dominican Republic (T-minus 3 FREAKING WEEKS BABY!!! *WOOT*) yeah, I’m getting a tad excited about that! Some may know, that I’ve never met the ocean...but I will soon, and THAT’S what’s got me in a tizzy!!

Our Turkish friend has returned to class today, after his extended trip to Germany and Turkey over the holidays. Nearly got ourselves in trouble too...we got a bad case of the *giggles*, but I think it's partly due to the fact that we were suffering from a bit of heat confusion, disorientation and dehydration...they still haven’t fixed the ventilation in our "new" classroom! Apparently it won’t be regulated till next Monday. So basically, we don’t really learn anything after 11’ish, cause at that point we’ve already shed a few pounds in the sauna that is our room, and our brains have gotten fogged over ;)

We better watch our hinnies today though, cause I think our Prof was getting a tad short-fused with us.

You hadda be there sorta thing, but it was piss-funny when our Chinese classmate was talking excitedly about having had fun trying to conceive and being successful after 4 yrs. Then of course, as he tried to grasp the whole concept of "global gloups" versus "rocal gloups" aloud!!!

Ah, what a crazy mix of nuts we are! ;)

~I’m so tired, and wired!!

I guess the fact that I'm not resting well on account of my bum leg, which incidently I got X-rayed again today, they still see no fracture, but have concluded that in addition to severe spraining and bruising, infection has set in. So I’ll be on antibiotics for a week...hopefully that will take care of this blasted pain! I can put up with a few scrapes and bruises (well ok, it’s more like the whole lower leg) but the pressure that makes my leg feel like it's going to rip open is driving me mad!

And, the stress that the accelerated pace our study program is enforcing, is also a big contributor(well actually it's the teacher, not the program...) But by mid of next week, I should be booking my two first certification exams and "going for the money!!" (Payable in US funds of course! *wink* Gotta support the war you know!)

*snort*

Technically, I will have 2 days of school in the month of February...which is just blowing my mind at this point...because the following calendar month is our Spring break! It breaks up this way: First week we have off so we may study and prep to take our cert exams, then I go in for 2 days the following week, then I’m off to Puerto Plata for a week...BABY! WOOHOO! Now I’ve done gone got excited again! WOOT! (ok, I think I’m over it...for the time being! Hehe sorry..) Then the last week of February is the first of our 2-week Spring break...then it’s back to the nitty gritty once again.

I hear the beach calling my name... and I can almost feel the fine sand in the crack of my....toes!

Mmmmmm...almost!!

~Wow, the road ahead is a difficult one. I'm not as ready as I thought I was for those cert exams. I'm doing the exam sims, and not hitting as high as I'd hoped. A couple of days of hard cramming to get through some "glitches" should do it. (read: I hope it does!!) I sit back and look at the scope of things, and it hits me kind of hard. It’s all come to this...I mean, the certifications are EVERYTHING at this point! If I don’t make it, all I’ve been through this past year, and all I’ll be doing in the next couple of months, will be for naught.

No, no...you’re right, I can’t think of it that way! I have to keep thinking that no matter what, the knowledge I’ll have gained is beneficial.
yes, this is me talking to myself...

I guess I’m just finding it difficult to think in those terms when I’ve got people pushing me in the back saying "you’ve got to pass these, you cannot fail!" Though the whole point of doing this in the first place, was that I was doing something for myself, for >ME< so I can’t think in terms of having to do this to please and satisfy anyone else but myself!

Truth is, I personally have a lot riding on the success of this whole program. All I’ll say for now is that what I’m trying to build here are my wings...

On a whole different note, I sort of want to point out to anyone who might be reading this babble, that the reason I write here is not to "expose" myself, nor to entertain. I write to express myself, that's just something I’ve always had a need for. Writing helps keep me sane.

*snort*

Shaddup! I’m just as sane as you are! :P Well all right, I’ll admit to being a little off the wall, but having a different perspective kind of keeps life interesting, you know?

Oh, P.S. I may soon be putting up a page to display my sketching and paintings and stuff...don’t ask me why!

February, 2003

~When I think about the sort of stuff I’d like to draw and paint, I think about impressionistic, conceptual and abstract art. But I figure I should first practice semantics before I go the other route...sorta train the mind, so that later the eye and hand can rebel and go in the opposite direction...simple logic! Or...opposing entities once again! (I'll have you all convinced sooner or later, at which point I will control your minds!! Muahahahaha)

~It's a horrible day, freezing rain, wet drizzle and snow. There were accidents everywhere, at least one of which I know was fatal, on the road I normally travel. I'm glad I'm not travelling this week.

The day is glum for another reason as well...my Black Lab "Buster" died. Had him since he was a pup, 12 yrs ago...I couldn't help but cry as I watched him being put in a burlap bag to be taken away and burried...the boys are going to be devastated ;( I wish I could spare them the heartache.

~Tuesday, February 4th, 12:20 p.m

The winds are howling outside my window tonight...through my soul. And my windchimes are singing in wild harmony. That always makes me smile :) Sometimes I wish I could fly away on the breeze in complete abandon to play my pretty song!

I was telling a friend a short while back, how I like to feel grounded and balanced...and how, if one aspect of who I am (physical, spiritual, emotional, or sexual) is set off kilter, it gravely affects me and can totally throw me off...yet at times I will revel in the feeling of spinning completely out of control, just enjoying the vortex baby!!

I'm not sure people understand that about me *shrug* I'm not sure I know how to explain it any other way though.

I know I'm a complex being, therefore have complex needs...fulfilling them is not always apparent, so oft times I am left feeling a gaping void. But at least I've gotten to recognize it for what it is. I just don't know how to mend it is all.

So I let the winds howl through me.

Funny how something so feral can also be appeasing! I needed that tonight, I think I can sleep now!

Will you come dance with me in the billows of my dreams? ;)

*yawn*

~Bonne Nuit ;)

~So I booked my Win2K Professional exam for this coming Friday, the 7th of February. No backing out or getting cold feet allowed now, it's a paid for commitment...*sigh* tell me you have faith in me and that I'll do just fine!!

There's so much hanging in the balance here, but I can't let that intimidate me now. I can usually accomplish pretty much anything I set my mind to.(was always stubborn that way *wink*) so this is no different, it's freaking difficult but still attainable.

My eyes are turning inside out, I think I better go to bed, I've been fighting off the trance that Enigma has been trying to induce over me for the past half-hour...

Wish me dream-filled slumber~

Thursday, February 06, 2003
12:48 p.m.

~Snow diamonds are twinkling brightly in the amber glow of streetlights as they lay fresh blanket to the ground....20 yards away, Jacob’s snow fortress stands guard to the dark of night!

Lorena Mc Kennitt is the perfect music to listen to while watching a silent snowfall at midnight...trust me! ;)

My back is killing me tonight, I should be resting and replenishing for tomorrow’s big exam, but I needed this quiet time to decompress.

I know all I’m going to know about Win2K Pro at the moment...of course there’s more "hands on experience" to be learnt, but I also know when I’ve reached my limit with all this cramming and exam simulation stuff...

ENOUGH!

I kind of have this ambiguous feeling, of having to overcome "some obstacle" and though one would automatically assume the apparent, I’m not so sure therein lies the "test" to come.

I can feel a block in the road and if I can just get around it somehow, I know the way ahead will be easier. I don’t know *shrug* maybe I’m just being paranoid about all the formalities and crap...

(I have the most incredible urge to go outside to make a snow angel, and catch snowflakes on my tongue right now!!)

Yes I know...

I suppose I should listen to my body instead of my craving soul, and just go to bed ;) Oh what the hey, a little Enya won’t do me too much harm, then I will go straight to bed, I promise!

Wait...who the heck am I making a promise to?!? *confused*

I’ve also this mounting urge to do some painting these past few days...For some reason, I’m seeing bright orange and purple! LOL I dunno!! And primitive, It has to have a "pulse" to it...like I want to experiment with tools and techniques and just sort of "go wild".

Yeah huh, I sorta live in my own little bubble *shrug*

Uhm, yeah, snow = tricky road conditions to drive in tomorrow. I better get some rest huh?

Bonne nuit~

~So...I didn't pass the exam...there's just something about reading the word "Fail" across the screen after having spent an hour in a half doing an exam that strikes you pretty hard...

*shrug* oh well...I'll just have to try again when I come back from my vacation. Only this time, I won't give in to the pressure of a teacher saying "go, go, go...do one, then book the other immediately" Like everything else, I have to do things at my own pace...

I shouldn't feel so badly that I didn't get this. The first cert exam I did I passed first try and took a guy in my class three tries before he got it...Only I really didn't need the guy at the testing center to tell me I had missed it by only two questions, you know?!!! Grrrrrrrrr I'd kick myself if I could!

Don't know if all of this has anything to do with it, but half way home, I had to pull over a few times to throw up...My body aches, and I'm weak and shaky. This has exactly 4 more days to take hold of my body, whip it, then dissapear...cuz I'm getting on that flight to Puerto Plata regardless!!

I gotta go lie down

February 26, 2003

~"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness." -Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)

I just read this quote and thought...wow! That is soooo true.

Crazy the way life goes sometimes, n’est-ce pas? You think you’ve got things figured out, laid out and ready to conquer...then life throws you another one of them curve-balls and *twacks* you upside the head!

I’m still a bit dazed and confused, so I don’ t know what my course of action is at the moment...But the hardest, bitterest pill to swallow is that the time, effort, and determination that I’ve put into dragging my butt out of bed, driving 3 fucking hours/day 5 days/week for the past year to take this program, not to mention the hours spent studying, may all have been for naught!

Long story short: If I take a "temporary incomplete" for the class I missed while on vacation, it’s basically a "temporary fail" oh I can re-take the class in June apparently, which I would be more than willing to do, (of course when I mentioned leaving for a week I was told "no problem") but if you fail just one class, you cannot go on your "work term", and if you don’t go on your work term, then you’re cut from the program...[NEW school policy apparently] If I’d have been aware of all this bull, TRUST me...I’d have planned things differently! I could try to wing it on my own, but after speaking to a few classmates, and hearing them say that they were sitting in class the whole time and didn't understand diddly sqwat, kind of discouraged me a bit...

Oh I’m going to contest and present some arguments about the teacher accelerating the study pace and all, which, had he not done and stuck to the original schedule...I would NOT have missed a class while on vacation (a vacation that was booked and paid for since last July incidentally)

Throw some personal shit to deal with in the mix for a little seasoning, and everything just adds to FABU BABY!

So much for my plan to "build something for myself" eh?

Guess it’s just another castle in the sand...

Oh and P.S. My vacation was just FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!! hah!


February 27, 2003

~No, no....I am not beaten. I just have to *sigh* figure out another plan of action is all...I was >this close< to sporting new wings, I'm not about to let them be ripped away from me that easily.

That's all.....

March 1, 2003

~I never thought I’d say this, but I think I miss my managing job at the campground. You know what it is don’t you? It’s the pace...it’s this crazy rollercoaster ride pace I’m on...I think I want off!

I was at the mall last night, and it’s crazy, all of it...people are in a rush always, and everything becomes such a hassle. My God how it made me miss working in that little office in the middle of nowhere, with the front door wide open, swatting the occasional fly.

Ack! I say this, but the life had been sucked right out of that scene with the arrival of "Krusty" (Jonathan the marketing director) and no longer was what it had once been. I guess what I miss really, is the feeling of being at peace with myself, and of belonging "somewhere" rather than feeling like I'm spinning in the great "unknown".

I’ll find that again though. I have to!

March 7, 2003

~I’ve got the most horrid cold/flu. (ever wonder…just how much mucus can come out of just ONE person’s head??? *snort* sorry it’s the fever talking, hah!) I don’t have a problem with this, I know it has to run its course, it’s just the timing that I’m unhappy with. This was my weekend to make one last half-assed attempt at “catching up” on my missed class in time for Monday’s new one.

So far let’s see…Out of 16 modules, I’ve covered 5. I’m ok with DHCP, DNS, and WINS…but you start talking about nodes and algorithms, and I just start to downright PANIC!!!

I’ve got 2 more days to cover the remaining 11 modules and I feel like shitonastick!

ACK! I wish I wasn’t so damn stubborn at times, cause I know I’m gonna kill myself trying here…

Somebody throw me a line? Thanks…I’d appreciate it!

March 14, 2003

~I was driving in to school on Tuesday, my first day back in 3 weeks, and the weather was horrible. It was snowing like mad, visibility was bad, it was wet, dirty and disgusting to drive in kinda stuff…and here I was feeling sorry for myself, grumbling about having to be on the road and whatnot...that is until I got to the Mountains and saw how beautifully stark they looked as a background to the storm. See, if I can drink in just one small thing like this, the effort has been worth it for me...

So I spend the day trying to get back into the wing of things, catching up in class, writing the first exam that I have in a series of 8 within the next 8 days, but by the end of the day...I’m dragging butt.

Driving back home the sun came through my window at an angle in a cozy, fuzzy warm way making me kinda sleepy. Didn’t want to be falling asleep at the wheel so I cranked up the radio. Here I was bouncing around, dancing to the tunes on the radio (I have a bad habit of doing this, even in the car) when all of a sudden the station cuts out, so I flipped it to the next station.

I’m nearing home and thinking, I’m almost there…can’t wait to get home then I hear this *whoosh* sound, you know the sound a karate chop makes on a video game kinda whooshing sound. Whoa, I must be really tired, cause I’m hearing things I say to myself. Shortly after I hear the *whoosh* *whoosh* sound again, followed by a *rat tat* *rat tat tat tat tat* ok! I know I just heard that coming from the radio!! I’m not just hearing things *rat tat tat tat* *rat tat tat tat tat tat tat* LOL then of course when I realized what station I had stumbled onto, I rolled my eyes in my head and thought figures! The idiot DJ probably doesn’t know that the sound of the video or computer game he or she is playing is on the air…

DOH! *smacks head*

The radio station is a local one, and God help me but I don’t for the life of me know why or how they were granted a license! I mean we’re talking Hick-Fm here! Sheesh!

And here I seriously thought I was hearing things.

Ugh, I’m so tired…I’ve slept for 4 hrs last night, and have to make it through the whole day then do an exam after class.

Sooooooo tired…need…energy

Last night I took out the braids. It was sort of funny, my hair looked crimped and rippled but fuzzed at the ends. But the odd part was how soft they were...my 6 yr old asked if I could make him a hair pillow to sleep on as he buried his face in my hair ;) I had one heck of a ‘fro thing going at the end of the 2-hr procedure, but this moring...I got my ‘girlie curlies’ back! Yeee!

Ok, off with me...time kick start the day.

Ciao~

~Have mercy, I'm whipped! Don't ask me where I found the energy to last the day @ school today, do an exam and finish up my labs, then speed drive back home with the radio blaring playing...though I'm officially in zombie mode now.

Well, zombie/study mode. (Yup still got my stupidhead in me books) Got a mid-term on Monday on Directory Services.

A full body massage would be especially nice right about now...thankyouverymuch!

At break-time I was surfing and checking email and stuff when I let a *girlie squeal* escape and said "somebody wrote me a poem", my lab partner-in-crime B says without moving his eyes from his own screen, "you sound surprised"

"well...yah" I replied

Still looking straight at his screen he then says "It's not that hard to notice YOU, you know"

I looked at him, opened my mouth, turned my head, turned to look at him a second time...but had NO idea what to say! Imagine, me...speechless. LOL

(Still have no clue as to what he might have meant by it, but *shrug* whatever.)

Sometimes, when I see how prolific some people are with their writing, I get a pang of envy, I wish I had more time to devote to it.

However, I think what I need to devote myself to right at this moment, is getting a good night's sleep

*yaaaaaawn*

Bonne Nuit~

March 19, 2003

~Yea, I actually had to look @ a calendar to know what day it is! *snort*

Ugabuggaboo! BleeeeecK! Things are just chaotic in my life right now, but there is light at the end of the deepest, darkest…yes there is light!

I went to see the Program Coordinator @ the college yesterday, we had a damn good chat about the way things were going, and where…

She’s being very helpful, she pointed out that HP will soon be opening a facility in a city about 1 hr away from home. A city I had in mind to move to at some point, a city I could stomach with its population of 15,000 give or take. A city that runs alongside a river, has beautiful parks and a marina! A MARINA!!! I went there a few times with the kids for a picnic. I watched and took some most wonderful sunset pics there also (which I will soon post I think) and I remember sitting there thinking…I could live here. I could live here and come to the marina to write!!

So I think I’ll be concentrating my efforts in that direction. Hey…at least it’s something…I’ve now got direction!

Wanna hear something retarded? I swear I just got over this cold/flu/bug thang…and here I was, coughing up a lung & sneezing my head off all night!! I blame Frankie. He’s been sneezing in my direction all week in class!

Anyway my throat feels like a hacksaw and my head throbs this morning…and yeeeeee I have three more days, three more exams left!

Flying by the seat of my pants, Baby! (this could be translated as: I now officially look like a horrid zombiemonsta!)

Oy, who cares!

You still reading this crap?!? LOL then cut it out! ; )

Uh…*looks around* k, nobody saw/heard me talking to myself and laughing Phew!

A few days ago, when we were released for break, we walked out to the agora and a group of Algonquin Indians were giving a song/dance demonstration. It wasn’t long before I got trancy as I listened to the steady rhythm of the drum, their ululating voices echoing to the cathedral ceiling…then at some point, these 6 men started really whacking that skin, just pounding it with all their might. I felt the vibration in my chest so I closed my eyes. I almost instantly felt my solar plexus opening, I absorbed the energy of the drum, of the song, of the moment….my heart pounding in time to the beat…then my lab partner tugged on my sleeve telling me it was time to go back to class. Needless to say, I didn’t want to leave. God that felt so good! It did revitalize me for the rest of my class.

I should learn more about this part of my heritage. I’d be interested to learn what the songs represented, what call to the great spirits they were invoking, and the significance of their adornments.

I’m standing at the beginning of an end. Staring it dead in the eye, and all I can think is…don’t screw things up….don’t screw things up…God girl, don’t screw things up!!

Fish me luck!

Bonne journée~

March 21, 2003

~ I could sit here and write about all the things that went wrong yesterday, just…wrong, but I won’t. I won’t dwell on shit I can’t change. Onward and upward, tallyho! (and all that rot)

I’m on my last leg standing, and though I’ve been able to maintain a certain “balance” I have come closer to the teetering edge lately than I have in a while. That’s ambiguous I know, but that is the constant of a Scorpio, now isn’t it? *snort*

I think it’s time for me to strap on my full body armor…

(Dammit I oughta sue my sitter…I twisted the ankle because of her icy pathway, and it just so happens to be THE same one I hurt a couple of weeks back. So now I’m limping on a swollen foot once again!!)

Yeah and here I was on my last leg eh? ;)

The heavens cried for me last night…I stayed up late to study and listen to the rain. Oh sweet rain (not snow!) “plic, plic, plic” against the window pane and I even heard a rumble or two! *sigh* I need a good cleansing storm to flow through me right about now.

If I can still pick out just one thing of beauty out of an all-round horrible day, then it was still worth living through. *shrug*

Yeah, yeah I know…so stick a star on my ass, ride me and call me Sally ;)

A friend almost died laughing when I made that one up a while back…haven’t had a chance to “apply it” in a while…heh! It just seemed to fit today :P

So this Sally is off to the gallows once again (how many times can I essentially be decapitated?) i.e. another final exam ;)

P.S. I never could accept faillure in myself. I am well tolerant of it in others, it's a human fallacy. Therefore I suppose...that I am NOT human! hah! :P

Ciao~

March 23, 2003

~I think I'll soon be changing the format of this page to show the last entry first type of thing. Why? Because I get lazy when it comes to scrolling...lol

So last night, after hearing a bit of ranting and raving over a stint called "Naked News" on the SexTV channel, I checked it out. It was sort of funny for the first 5 minutes, but then got just downright stupid! "Accusations of arms trading" reporting while taking off your bra and panties in front of the camera is just a tad unconvincing honey...DOH!

It's wet and damp and cold this morning. I need some sun. I'm going to have to do some invoking ritual or something I suppose...but it won't involved nudity!! *Brrrrr*

Speaking of Invoking, I did a quickie 5 minute draw entitled "Invocation" (to the Celtic Moon Goddess Arianrhod) yesterday that I will try post it as well as that promised photography sometime soon.

I gotta go take a steaming hot shower to warm my blood this morning...I'm chilled to the bone!

I have a few days off for certification preparation, but trust me, they won't be days off. I do indeed have to study for an exam, but also have to get the year's end tax reports done up. (a grueling process to say the least) Imma need a caffeine drip to get me through it I think...

Hasta la see you later~

March 24, 2003

~So when I was in Puerto Plata, they had a beach party one night. We walked down there after a late dinner and was I ever glad we did! They had a couple of bonfires going and had little stage with palm frond curtained background all set up.

The drumming started as soon as this lone figure stepped out onto the platform. The tempo increased, the crowd got silent and expectant. I slid off my sandals to feel the sand between my toes. I needed to feel ‘grounded’, cause I knew I’d be in for wild, mind-boggling ride, and I was not disappointed my friends!

The entertainment troop put on a voodoo ceremony demonstration that totally fucking rocked!

Gyrating dancers, lamenting cries, (occasional blood-curdling screams) steady beat of the drum, the firelight against their glistening dark bodies, hot wax being poured on naked torsos…I was feeling it in a powerful way; swaying back and forth, heart thumping in my chest, my breath got ragged as my anticipation built.

At some point, when Baron Samedi stumbled forth toward the crowd with his machete, and whacked it into a palm tree, I thought the guy standing next to it was gonna soil his pants! Hahaha OMG I was loving this! I was in such a trance…God what a powerful drug is adrenalin when you open yourself up to experience stuff like this!

Anyway, after a bit of research, I found these lyrics to a song that best describe the ceremony. I think this might be what they were enacting…

Voodoo Fire

Magic lady of the Snake Cult stands, high on the
Voodoo Mountain
Society does the Congo Dance, to the Serpent Queen's chanting
Baby - Feel the demons burning
Hypnotized Hostile World. To her presence is falling!

Flame on - Soul Possession and Sacrifice
Voodoo Fire's setting your world alight

Voodoo Fire

As far as away as Jupiter and way beyond its 13 Moons
Solar System of Lucifer in a ritual of Cosmic Doom
Baby - Papa Nebo is calling
Zombie rise to the voodoo cries. From your mortal
tomb awaken

Flame on - Soul Possession and Sacrifice
Voodoo Fire's setting your world alight - all right

Cultes Des Mortes - Resurrect him
Raise the King of the Dead
Baron Samedi - A Serpent Orgy
Welcomes you - King of the Dead!

Jungle Magic is spreading fast in a global
manifestation
Necromantic system bows to a black mass of invocation
Tell me - The secrets of the future
To stop the flames of this burning world, resurrect
our dead creator

Voodoo Fire

Aweshom schtuff!

The whole beach party was ended with dancing. Miguel came out into the crowd and grabbed my hand to go up on the platform for that last dance. I had already dance with him before, and remembered the "three dance" Dominican rule! ;)

*teehee*

March 24, 2003

~This is the first story, (in chronological order)in a series that I had previously written and posted. But at some point, they got lost somewhere in cyberspace and still to this day...they float somewhere on the wire ;) So, for safekeeping, I will post them here...their new home!

Danny Boy

On warm summer evenings, his distinctive laughter echoes in the night. He lives almost across from my house, up, and one street over. Often between the clanking of horseshoes, I hear him laugh and it makes me smile :)

He grew up two doors down from my maternal home.

Danny and I were buddies. I was Bonnie, he was Clyde; and lemme tell ya, many's a time we narrowly escaped capture as we bounced along in my daddy’s old “parked” Chevy pickup ;)

(Guess I loved the thrill of a speedy ride, even then!)

We climbed trees together, played ball, played cowboys and Indian (maidens), and harvested milkweed pods for the secret hoards we kept in prep for when the “Milkweed Fight” alert was given by the neighborhood kids.

Those were disgustingly sticky and fun btw…if you’ve never had one…totally your loss!

He’d come knocking on my door, and I on his on a daily basis. His Stepdad teased him mercilessly… “Your girlfriend is here”

But we didn’t care. We were friends and nothing was to change that, not even...the kiss.

It seemed only natural that Danny and I share our “first kiss.” We talked about, and wondered what “it” felt like till one day we decided that we’d just get it out of the way, and try it.

So we did.

We did that whole awkward nose bumping, teeth grinding thing…and finally…the kiss.

After a few moments, we pulled away from each other with puzzled/dissapointed looks on our faces "That’s it?” Man what a rip off that was! We both expected so much more…I mean the way people fussed about it and all...

*Shrug*

So with that out of the way, things went on as usual and “the kiss” was never spoken of again.

I wonder if he still remembers our Bonnie and Clyde dayz ;)

March 26, 2003

~Today’s story, is brought to you by the letter L and R, and by the number 5

*winkies*

I was in grade four. He…was a grade six’er. He was my first official “crush”, however, Tony didn’t even know I existed…that is, until the last day of school.

My cousin Marie, who was in his class, knew of my affections and decided to play an evil, twisted and cruel, cruel trick on me ;)

She convinced me that I should write Tony a letter to let him know I was “interested” in him. So I did.

Lo and behold, he wrote back! We corresponded for some time, and I floated on clouds.

End of school year was fast approaching, I knew I wouldn’t get to see him much during the summer months, so I asked to meet him down at “the dock” one day (a then popular swimming hole) he couldn’t make it he said. A short while later, I asked again (yup, always been persistant) I couldn’t figure out why, if he liked me as much as he said he did in the letters, why wouldn’t he meet with me so we could talk?? Because we didn't in the school yard, though I knew it wouldn't be "cool" for him to be seen talking to a fourth grader and all of that.

Ah, the naivety of a childhood crush…

Turns out, his sister Valerie and my cousin Marie were in cahoots through the whole little episode, and on the last day of school, they read all the letters I had sent him in front of his whole classs…I wanted to die! (I imagine he did as well) Still do to this day when I meet up with Tony…hahaha!

He looks at me with an amused grin, and says “Hi Carole”. I return the greeting, turn beet red, then lower my head and make a quick getaway! LOL

April 6th,2003

With a journal, a pen, five poetry books, “The Tao of Pooh”, and a book on Crystal Wisdom for Healing, Insight, and Divination; I sit breast-deep in hot fragrant bubbles.

I have spent the entire day in a haze, ‘high on pain’, in “the zone” as I half-humorously refer to it (yes, even when in pain, my humor mechanism attempts to kick in) trying hard not to let it get the best of me…but failing miserably, I fear.

The continued humidity of the “great thaw” stabs at my bones like a thousand awls mining to the marrow…Tonight will be another sleepless night for me...nothing new to a chronic pain sufferer.

I suppose the mish-mesh of literature (as is the hot bath) is also an attempt to find a comfortable middle to keep me at a functioning level…yet it eludes me.

*Sigh* after a love affair that lasted almost 2 years, I must now bid farewell to my Grand Cheroke Jeep Lenore…

(never more…) Bwahahaha!

I’ve got to trade in mah wheels of luxury and comfort….for practicality.

Getting meself an ugly lil’ Suzuki Aerio All-Wheel Drive. But because I was being picky and didn’t want any of the colors they had on the lot, a racy red one is now on order and should arrive within the next 2 weeks. (shaddup! This is Canada!!)

No more heated leather seats, but I’m guaranteed to get 500 miles to the gallon!! Hah!

Seriously though, the money I will save on gas will pay 2/3 of my 0% financing payment…WOOT!

Plus uh…psst…come closer…I have to whisper this cause I don’t want her to hear me, else she’ll keel on me before the trade-in, but Lenore’s tranny is about to go on the fritz…shhhh! Don’t wanna jinx ‘er!

I swear you could fit the motor of the Aerio in your back pocket! (This car has been rated 2nd in car safety standards here in Canadia)

*Vroom Vroom Vroom*

April 13, 2003
9:00 a.m.

~I’ve been going through a very difficult “flare-up” period. These past few days have been filled with muscle spasms and nerve twitching/aching. If you’ve never suffered this particular sort of pain, it’s quite spectacular in its own right; it’s a pouncy-jabby-throbbing-burning sort of pain that travels throughout your body’s nerve system that sorta makes you wish you could dig in there to grab the suckers and yank them out…lol sorry, too descriptive?

Anyway, needless to say, I’m not getting much sleep of late.

I’ve got a mid-term tomorrow, then a final on Thursday On ISA (proxy)Severs.(which surpisingly enough, I'm finding uber interesting and enjoying mega mucho)

After that, we begin the last and longest class of the entire program, then our training period, and finally our work-term; so I’ve got to bog down for the final run here…but because of the above-mentioned, my mind which is usually in overdrive, tends to slip into an idling auto-pilot mode at more frequent intervals (than the norm! hah!)

So one more week of traveling with Lenore…*sigh* I am going to miss my sexy black bitchin Jeep. That thing is a TANK! I ran over a little Jetta before Christmas and came out of it with a busted fog light, and 2 days ago, as we rounded a curve, a deer jumped out and hit the back bumper then spiraled back out to the side of the road…not a scratch on my Lenore! I’m really going to miss her…but I can’t wait to zooooooooom around on a cup-full of gas with my new lil toy...yeeeeeeeee!

Shelley finally got a car too, a Sunfire, racy red just lika mine’s gonna be! She’d travel to the city with me from time to time, and when she told me about the car, I said “Race ya there Shell!” LOL My bad?

Blarg…maybe I’ll crawl back into bed for a nap, I got up at 5:30 a.m. to take some more muscle relaxants but they’ve worn off already…then I guess this will be another glorious sunshiny Sunday I’ll be spending with my nose buried in book.

I need me some serious homeopathy, or maybe just some loving hands to kneed away some ouchies.

./bitch-rant-complain

P.S. Yeah I know I said I was going to re-vamp this page, but I just don't have the time/energy (having burried and Uncle and a Cousin (both cancer victims)in less than 4 days has not helped much)to do so at the moment...so if ANYONE reads this stuff....tough tittie!! Take it the way it is, just suck harder! *snortgigglelaugh* ;)

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