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marching band jokes

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~*~why do foot ball payers hate the band?
cuz after halftime everyone leaves~*~

~*~what do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain? Gifted!~*~

~*~what do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer!~*~

~*~how can you tell when a drummer is at your door? the knock gets faster!~*~

~*~how many altos does it take to change a light bulb? none; they can't get up that high!~*~

~*~A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry, he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply form the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it!"~*~

~*~What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter? Eventually the puppy stops whining!~*~

~*~What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool~*~

~*~Top Ten things you will never hear said by a music director...

 

 

 

 

All pages, images, and media ©2003 Derek Sweeney

10) Okay Saxophones, play that even louder now!
9) Wow drummers, you got that right the first time!
8) Can we have the whole Soprano section sing the high note?
7) Your tuning is great today basses!
6) Let's just have fun today!
5) Its okay to talk during solos drummers!
4) Let's include a drum set on that!
3) You can get drunk before the concert basses, I'm going to!
2) That was real good violas!
1) I'm sorry, it's all my fault!~*~

~*~Q: How many sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, she'll stand at the piano drinking a diet coke while she has her accompanist do it! ~*~

~*~How do you keep two flute players in tune.... Shoot one of them!~*~

~*~How do you tune two oboes? Shoot them both!~*~

~*~what makes trombonists better players? well, trumpet players do it w/ 3 fingers, baritone players do it w/ 4 fingers, but trombonists do it in 7 positions~*~