SCHOOL SLAM - FIRST TIME
I know I don't look anxious, but I am!
Y`see -this is my very first "SCHOOL SLAM".
I have to tell you I feel good in side
a little 'nervous', maybe, but my pride
in being here and doing this with you
is swelling fit to burst
-and that's plain true!
Now 'Slamming' is the art of reaching out
and some folks do it with a mighty shout!
They wave and holler and its very clear
they think the whole worlds deaf
and just can't hear!
Well, I won't shout, but maybe I should raise,
my voice a little and give out some praise
and thanks to everyone for taking part
in this "SCHOOL SLAM" ...and learning a new art.
I'm finished now, but hope you take away
the fun and happiness we shared today.
(c)John Holt 02-May-1999
INSTINCTIVE ANSWER
As I lay in my bed with a cold runny nose
Wrapped up in my sweaters and all kinds of clothes
I made a decision, yes, right there and then
To stay in that bed and rename it `My Den`
I would never come out and the world would pass by
With its squabbling business - its "live and let die"
I thought about life and the iron rule of `must`
Which hangs like a chain and binds most of us
We must learn to read. We must learn to write
We must tidy our room (or our folks will ignite!)
We must do our school work and get the right grade
And then, if we fail, we must all be afraid.
We must graduate and we must get a job
We must love the Boss (though we can't stand the slob!)
We must love our country and follow the `Norm.`
We must vote the `right` way - it pays to conform.
As I thought on all this I began to feel sad
Because some of these rules were just badder than bad
And us kids had no chance with the system out there,
If we could not survive we would end up - well, where?
But wait just a moment, my Dad was ok
And Mum had been checking my health out all day.
And my older brother had come up the stair
To tell me some jokes and to ruffle my hair.
And what about Susan ? (that's my younger sis.)
She crawled on my bed to give me a kiss!
Maybe things won't turn out in a horrible way
And my flu` will clear up and then I can say
`Look world - I was sick and I couldn't quite see
That you're going to need clever people like me!`
With that in my head I relaxed and I think
I was soooothed of to sleep in less than a blink.
(c)John Holt 08-Apr-1998
BITTER SWEET
Your answerfone `protects` you now
from all my calls but anyhow
I don`t know why you felt it couldn`t be,
or why your feelings changed so suddenly.
Time and again I look at all you wrote,
your `Love on paper`, now a bitter note.
(c)John Holt 23-MAR-1998
PRESENT IMPERFECT
I have to get away somehow
and find another place.
Away from broken promises -
away from your smooth face.
Oh yeah! - you say you love me
but I can`t believe that`s true
I saw the shock in your big eyes
When I caught her with you.
You shouted `Wait, hold on, stop there,
this isn`t what it seems!`
But _she still held your `smoking gun`
And all I held were dreams.
I have to get away somehow
the trouble is, I find,
that though I`ve torn your letters up
you`re always on my mind.
(c)John Holt 1998
DON`T TURN AROUND
Don't turn around and say goodbye,
I haven't yet begun to cry.
My pain is still a numbing thing,
Your words will only add a sting.
Oh sure, you think it's just a game
And all the players are the same,
But that four letter word you say
without a thought, won`t go away.
And in my heart I know it's true
you call it LOVE but spell it SCREW.
(c) John Holt 23-MAR-1998
LOST CHORD
I often saw you with the other guy
But told myself again that same old lie,
that you and he would argue and soon part
and I would step right in and win your heart.
Just waiting for my chance brought so much pain,
I don't think I could ever go through that again.
The hope I held just withered on its vine
and I gave up the dream that you'd be mine.
One night I stayed late in the Music room
and on piano played a `bluesy` tune.
I picked out notes that sounded like a heavy sigh,
of sorrow wailing to an empty sky,
but didn't hear the movement of a chair
until I turned, and saw you sitting there.
My heart just skipped, it almost missed a beat,
As I saw Heaven, near me on that seat.
You smiled and said you`d heard the sound
as you passed by and had to look around.
I searched for sorrow in your lovely face
but I found none...and knew I`d lost the race.
(C) John Holt 23-MAR-1998
REACHING OUT
I had a bad time in the classroom today,
my teacher's sarcasm kept drilling away.
She read out my essay with obvious glee
and announced to the world it was worth just a `D`.
I couldn't believe it - boy was my face red,
She made me look stupid, I wished I was dead.
It all seemed so wrong `cos I` d hoped for a `B`
but knew in my heart it was worth at least `C`
My rep. had been stabbed, it was torn and it bled,
as the other guys laughed I just shook my head.
But then I looked up and I saw in your stare
the message that said "Just hang on in there".
So I straightened my back and brought up a smile
and I tried to look cool and adopted a style
which said to the rest "Yeah...I picked up a `D`
I was down, now I'm up - and I *still* support ME!"
We walked home from school and it just felt so good
though we didn't say much yet we both understood.
It was that loving glance and the look in your eyes
pushed some kind of lever which helped me arise.
(c)John Holt 14-APR-1998
E-mail Message To:______
Please don't call me up
and tell me all those
things I've heard before.
My tears are shed
the well is dry
and I have nothing
left to weep.
I feel dead,
even in my sleep
But if you have got
something new to say
why couldn't you
tell me that today,
face-to-face
in your apartment,
or at my place?
Still, I remember your eyes
and the way gold shines
in them at sunrise,
and I cannot forget
how they also seem
to turn into orange green
at sunset.
And as for your hair -
I `ve seen the way
other girls stare
at the cobalt blue sheen;
watched the look in their eyes
when that ponytail flies.
So, I`m *still* in love with you
and I want to change the view
I expressed at the start of this
e-mail note.
Please call me again
and let`s heal all the pain
(just ignore the opening
lines that I wrote).
(c)John Holt 25-MAY-1998
