X-Men Top Ten
Top 10 Common Complaints about Chuck Austen
- #10 - Fails to portray characters consistently with the way they've been written in fanfiction.
- #9 - Story potlines are too complicated, or maybe not enough. Whichever.
- #8 - Fails to research and correct after-script, editorial mistakes.
- #7 - Just don't care for his spin on Uncanny and left with only eleven other X-Titles to read.
- #6 - Parts of dialog make no sense when skimmed over or read out of context.
- #5 - Vaguely reminiscent of disliked person from highschool, and therefore shouldn't be allowed in comic book industry.
- #4 - Sexistly writes women as having personal feelings and their own point of view.
- #3 - Writing 3 of the 200 titles by mainstream comic publishers, and is impossible to avoid.
- #2 - Seems unable to graciously withstand unreasonable criticism and personal abuse for more than 18 months.
- #1 - Writes Northstar as totally gay.
Top 10 X-Men Plot Twists You Won't See Coming
- #10 - The Professor will leave the X-Men in order to deal with an alien race.
- #9 -For the good of the team, one of the X-Men will make the ultimate sacrifice. But are they really gone?
- #8 - The X-Men must make a new alliance with one of their deadliest foes.
- #7 - Professor X senses "a presence, unlike anything he's felt before."
- #6 -Scott will leave the team in pursuit of a normal life.
- #5 -An All-New team X-Men line-up will be introduced, with some X-Men saying good by and some fresh new members joining.
- #4 - Wolverine decides to go off on his own and take matters into his own hands.
- #3 -New events will shake up the team in such a way they might never be the same again.
- #2 -The X-Men end up battling each other.
- #1 - Angel, Psylocke and Beast will undergo a dramatically radical transformation.
Top 10 Common Complaints About The X-Men Movie
- #10 - The costumes and character's appearances should have been truer to the comic book. Especially for Toad's Jester's costume.
- #9 -Jackman strayed too far from the comic character by allowing Wolverine to express emotions other than Snide, Grumpy, and Angry.
- #8 - Wanted to see Magneto use his powers to bring the Statue Of Liberty to life and terrorize New York ala "Ghostbusters II".
- #7 - Wished Storm would shut up and let someone else have some dialogue.
- #6 -Not enough nudity.
- #5 -"I'm okay with making Jean a Doctor and having Bobby be about 10 years younger, but Wolverine being taller just made the character unrecognizable."
- #4 - Was told there'd be a musical number.
- #3 -"How could they possibly make an X-Men movie and leave out vital characters like Nanny or the X-Babies?"
- #2 -Failed to live up to expectations of uniting all nations and bringing meaning to life.
- #1 - Plot too difficult to follow without the aid of elaborate caption blocks covering each scene.
Top 10 Shocking Wolverine Revelations
- #10 - Most of his false memories turn out to be old episodes of "Little House on the Prairie."
- #9 - A disturbing chapter of Logan's past is revealed when NorthStar recognizes him in an old porno.
- #8 - It turns out that while his bones are covered in adamantium, his tendons are covered in vibranium, and his muscles are covered in a delicious honey-glaze.
- #7 - He's not actually a mutant, he just happens to have a REALLY high testosterone level.
- #6 - False memories aren't his only implants.
- #5 -Sabretooth is revealed to be Wolverine's Mother.
- #4 - Most of his martial arts training comes from classes at the YMCA.
- #3 -To coerce Logan into becoming the Horseman of Death, Apocalypse did nothing more than promise Logan some really good beer.
- #2 -Most of the X-Men liked the skrull Wolverine better.
- #1 - When he says "I'm the very best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice," he's actually referring to clog-dancing.
Top 10 Signs You Need To Stop Reading Wolverine
- #10 - Whenever someone asks you for the time, you threaten to kill them.
- #9 - You claim that you are a master of all forms of martial arts just before leaping and swinging wildly at someone.
- #8 - You smoke approximately 50 cigars a day and wonder why your healing factor doesn't take care of the cough.
- #7 - You frequently interrupt people by saying "Wait, do you smell that?"
- #6 - You always hold your fork between your ring and middle finger and shovel your food with violent slashing motions.
- #5 - Every morning you spend an hour and a bottle of hair gel to perfect that horned-owl-look.
- #4 - You average about three "Grrr!"'s per sentence.
- #3 - Claim you can't take out the garbage because your too weak from having your adamantium removed.
- #2 - Constantly overwhelmed by the feeling that you will any minute be attacked by a mob of ninjas.
- #1 - You attribute any mistakes you make to being the fault of memory implants.
Top 10 Signs You're New To The X-Men
- #10 - You think of the Kelly and Seagle run as "Classic X-Men."
- #9 - Magneto just seems like an obvious Joseph rip-off.
- #8 - Tired of newer X-Men members like ShadowCat take attention away from older, more established
characters like Marrow.
- #7 - You don't understand why nobody's ever made any Wolverine action figures.
- #6 - You prefer Angel's original, metallic wings.
- #5 - You wonder how different Wolverine will be with an adimantium skeleton.
- #4 - You can't believe they're making an X-Men Movie ALREADY!
- #3 - You think it might be neat if they gave Psylocke some radical change to her character.
- #2 - When Wolverine was killed and then brought back, you were shocked that Marvel would do that to an
X-Character.
- #1 - You can't understand why none of the other X-Fans will tell you Rogue's real name.
Top 10 Signs You've an OLD X-Men Fan
- #10 - You think the time between the mention of "The 12" and it's resolution was a little rushed.
- #9 - When you read about Wolverine getting his adamantium back you rolled your eyes and said "Didn't
they JUST have Magneto remove that?"
- #8 - When you first read about Cecilia Reyes you kept wondering when Stevie Hunter became a doctor
and developed Skid's powers.
- #7 - Every time you see Phoenix you think "Didn't she die on the moon?"
- #6 - Tired of the spotlight always going to newbie characters like Kitty Pryde.
- #5 - You're not sure if you're ready to trust these new, foreign X-Men.
- #4 - You wonder why Proffessor-X doesn't just mind wipe villains like he used to.
- #3 - You wonder when Count Nefaria is going to make his next move.
- #2 - You think you can remember when Professor-X had hair.
- #1 - You wonder why the X-Men don't talk about getting on Ed Sulivan anymore.
Top Ten Reasons Why It Would Suck To Live In the X-Mansion
- #10 - Shower drain constantly clogged with white, black, green, brown, red, blonde, pink, and two
different shades of blue hair.
- #9 - Although no one mentions it and you never see him, you know somewhere there's a small, purple
dragon lurking around.
- #8 - Anytime you try to change the channel away from Wrestling, Wolverine shows up, pops out his
claws and threatens to kill you.
- #7 - Lingering smell of fire and brimstone lingers throughout the house.
- #6 - Toilet seat always cold after Ice-Man's been in there.
- #5 - When walking barefoot you're always finding little pieces of Marrow's bone fragments in the carpet.
- #4 - House gets destroyed and rebuilt so frequently you're often not really sure where your room is.
- #3 - "TO ME, MY X-MEN!" sometimes rings in the back of your skull for days!
- #2 - Perpetually changing team line up means you're always answering misdirected phone calls."No, I'm
sorry. I have no idea where Maggot is."
- #1 - You'd think these beings with powers and abilities that set them apart from humanity could manage to
use a vacuum-cleaner once and while!
Top Ten Absurd Topics you might find on the WizardWorld Board
- #10 - "Which X-Men do you think are uncircumcised?"
- #9 - "Could Wolverine beat himself up?"
- #8 - "What's the deal with Gambit always throwing things?"
- #7 - "What happens when Rogue touches herself?"
- #6 - "Reasons why it might be illegal to have sex with Wolvesbane"
- #5 - "Does anyone here like to read comics?"
- #4 - "Anyone else hear the rumors that Wolverine uses a stunt double for the dangerous stuff?"
- #3 - "Do you think the X-Men will really die this time?"
- #2 - "Join my Rob Liefield Fan Club!"
- #1 - "Why aren't there any stories that focus on Wolverine?"
Top Ten reasons the Marvel U.S. Government keeps funding new Sentinel projects
- #10 - "Surely the robots won't develop a will of their own and try to enslave humanity, THIS time!"
- #9 - Congress just can't say "no" to Gyrich's cute little button face.
- #8 - Doesn't want America will fall behind Japan in Giant-Robot Technology.
- #7 - Officials were all big fans of "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto"
- #6 - Nothing boots the moral of the American people like being swarmed by hordes of soulless, mechanical abominations.
- #5 - The right to construct and employ gigantic, murderous automatons is clearly provided under the 2nd Amendment.
- #4 - Figures Sooner or later the robots will turn out all cute and friendly, like Data or that loveable robot from Lost-In-Space!
- #3 - Seems like a more practical use of tax money than say, a functioning health care program.
- #2 - Want to keep those big guys around just in case the Avengers or FF start to get out of line.
- #1 - "What the Hell, we funded a lot dumber crap back in the 80's.."
Top 10 Things you will NEVER hear Wolverine say
- #10 - "Maybe we should stop and think this through before we do anything hasty."
- #9 - "Say, Gambit! You look pretty hot in those pants..."
- #8 - "Yes sir! Whatever you say, Cyclops! You're the leader, after all."
- #7 - "Professor? I was wondering if maybe I could sit down and talk to you about what I've been feeling lately."
- #6 - "It would be against my Bushido code of honor to use my claws against these unarmed, human soldiers."
- #5 - "I'm not sure my healing factor can take this."
- #4 - "Waitaminute, Creed! Just what are we fighting about, anyway?"
- #3 - "Be honest. Do these stripes make me look fat?"
- #2 - "Man, I could sure use a Fresca!"
- #1 - "Why? Why must I always fight? When all I really want... is to DANCE!"
Top Ten Things That Might Spoil The X-Men Movie
- #10 - Throughout the entire movie everyone insists on pronouncing the main villain's name "Mag-nit-o"
- #9 - The "Danger Room" looks suspiciously like Bryan Singer's basement.
- #8 - Whenever Professor X uses his telepathy little white circles come out of his forehead along with "wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh" sound effects.
- #7 - Halle Barry's stunt double is Ru Paul.
- #6 - The Toad's power is that if you put him in your mouth you can get a kind of buzz.
- #5 - Soundtrack by Aerosmith
- #4 - Hue Jackman develops his Canadian accent by repeatedly watching "Strange Brew."
- #3 - All the X-Men jump in the air, give each other a high five, and shout "Yeah!" before and after each battle.
- #2 - Sabretooth's costume includes white and brown feather-boas.
- #1 - Bryan Singer devotes the entire movie to his hero and mentor, Joel Shewmacher.
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