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Q: Who's bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby? Answer: The baby because it's just a little bigger!
Q: There once was a cowboy who decided to go on a 2 day vacation. He left on Tuesday and came back on Friday. How's it possible? Answer: The horse's name was Friday.
Q: What runs but can't walk? Answer: Water
Q: What did Bill Clinton say when he saw Monica Lewinsky in his oval office alone? Answer: Ho, Ho, Ho!
Q: What happens when you throw a rock into the Red Sea? Answer: It gets wet.
Q: What room would you go to if you had 5 seconds to live? Answer: The living room.
Q: How many months have 28 days? Answer: All of them.
Q: What has 4 eyes but can't see? Answer: MISSISSIPPI.
Q: What is the most boring game? Answer: A board game.
Q: What did the big flower say to the little flower? Answer: Hey bud!
Q: What is a Mexican's report? Answer: Chile today, hot tamale.
Q: What has four wheels and flies? Answer: A garbage truck.
Q: What did the dentist say to the golfer when he found a cavity in his mouth? Answer: You've got a hole in one!
Q: Why is it harder to go from 1st base to 2nd base than from 2nd base to 3rd base? Answer: 'Cuz there's a short stop in between.
Q: Why did a lady throw her clock out a window? Answer: She wanted to see time fly.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Answer: A stick.
Q: How does Batman's mum call him when she want's him to come in for dinner? Answer: DINNER dinner DINNER dinner, DINNER dinner DINNER dinner BATMAN!
Q: What were Tarzan's last words? Answer: Who greased the vine!?
Q: What do people do in clock factories? Answer: They make faces all day.
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner? Answer: A stamp.
Q: What's a doughnut? Answer: A person who's crazy about money.
Q: What did the hat say to the scarf? Answer: You hang around while I go on ahead.
Q: What did one eye say to the other? Answer: Between you and me, something smells.
Q: What did the window say to the door? Answer: What are you squeaking about, I'm the one with the pane!
Q: What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock? Answer: Look pop no hands.
Q: Why did the man hit the clock? Answer: Because the clock struck first.
Q: What works only when it's fired? Answer: A rocket.
Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh? Answer: Santa walking backwards.
Q: Tourist: How would you describe the rain in this part of the country? Answer: Local: Little drops of water falling from the sky .
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit? Answer: Fingernails.
Q: What do you call a hippie's wife? Answer: Mississippi.
Q: What kind of license does a pharmacist have? Answer: A license to pill.
Q: What is the saddest tree that exists? Answer: The weeping willow.
Q: What subject do all witches pass in school? Answer: Spelling.
Q: What gets colder as it warms up? Answer: An air conditioner.
Q: Why did the driver throw money in the street? Answer: So he could stop on a dime.
There were three rich men: a Canadian, a Russian and an American. They all wanted to show off to each other so they each bought a toilet. The Russian bought a wooden toilet, the Canadian bought a marble toilet, and the American bought a musical toilet. The next day the Canadian came back to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I use the toilet, I slip off it." The day after that the Russian came to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit on the toilet I get splinters in my bottom." The next day, the American came and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit down, I hear my national anthem and I have to stand up!"
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? Answer: STICK WITH ME. WE'LL GO PLACES.
Q: How does a rich and spoiled girl change a lightbulb? Answer: She says to her Daddy," I want a new mansion now!!!"
Q: What goes all around the world but doesn't move? Answer: A road.
Q: What kind of car does a electriction have? Answer: A Voltswagon.
Q: What is the difference between a brother and an umbrella? Answer: One shuts up.
Q: What happened to the man who was tap dancing?Answer: He fell into a sink.
A Canadian lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost. "Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down." The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he's knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack. "Sure......!! That's what they call it now!"
There are two guys, in a bar on top of the Empire State building. One guy says to a guy, "You know if you jump off the empire state building, you go so fast that you'll fall in the 10th story window!?" The other guy say, "Really? Let me see you do it!" " Ok. " says the other guy. So he jumps of and goes in through the 10th story window. "Wow!" the other guy says. "Do it again!" "Fine," says the other guy. So the other guy jumps. He falls past the window and hit the ground, dead. The other guy goes back in the bar and sits down. The bartender says, "You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk!!" <-- Joke was submitted to me by Comet Star.
Q: Why do many guys like love at first sight? Answer: It saves them a lot of time.
Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? Answer: At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes violently? Answer: A nervous wreck.
Q: How to you organize a spacey party? A: You planet.
Q: What did the mother mountain name her son? Answer: Cliff!
Q: When's a good time to go to the dentist? Answer: At tooth hurty. ( 2:30 )
Q: What did one freckle say to the other freckle? Answer: Look out... We've been spotted!
Q: What do you call a bowl when it's sleeping? Answer: A bulldozer.
A Black man talks to a White man: When I was born I was black, When I grew up I was black, When I'm sick I'm black, When I go in the sun I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, When I die I'll be black. But you: When you're born you're pink, When you grow up you're white, When you're sick, you're green, When you go in the sun you turn red, When you're cold you turn blue, and when you die you turn purple. And you have the nerve to call me COLORED!!!
Q: What has holes and holds water? Answer: A sponge.
Q: Why did the kid stick a hose in his friend's ear? Answer: Because he wanted to brain wash him.
Q: What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert? Answer: No thanks, I'm stuffed!
Q: What starts with an "e", ends with an "e" and only has 1 letter in it? Answer: An envelope!
Q: Why did the little girl eat bullets? Answer: Because she wanted to grow bangs!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? Answer: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Q: What is the slowest mountain? Answer: Mt. Everest.
Q: What is the quickest mountain? Answer: Mt. Rushmore.
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Answer: Sneakers.
Q: What kind of ship never sinks? Answer: Friendship!
Q: Why did the balloon burst? Answer: Because it saw a lolly pop! .
Q: Why wouldn't the bald man let anyone use his comb? Answer: He just couldn't part with it!
Q: Why was the flower having trouble riding her bicycle? Answer: Because she lost her petals!
Q: Where do you get virgin wool from? Answer : From an ugly sheep.
I believe you should always give 100% at work... 12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
Q: Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box? Answer: Because she kept sitting on Pinochio's nose yelling "Lie to me, lie to me!"
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? Answer : Depends on what the magician wants to change it into.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.
Q: If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom.... What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom? Answer: EUROPEAN... of course!
Q: What does an accountant use for birth control? Answer: His/Her personality.
Q: What did the big chimmey say to the little chimmey? Answer: You're to young to smoke.
Q: What flower is in between your nose and your chin? Answer: Two lips!
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions? Answer: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q: What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? Answer: A good start.
Q: How many feet are in a yard? Answer: It depends on how many people are standing on it.
Q: What computer program makes you go to sleep? Answer: NAPster.
Q: Why did the wad of gum cross the road? Answer: It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

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