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Bowling-Twits!

This page is dedicated to the self-appointed guru of alt.sport.bowling simply known as "Bob". His job on the newsgroup is to give advice to everyone, (usually poor advice) since he is the GOD to the sport. If you would like to visit HIS page to see what I mean you can go to http://www.angelfire.com/yt/bowlingtips or merely visit the alt.sport.bowling newsgroup for a more accurate portrait of his work.

  • KEEP YOUR ARM SWING LOOSE

    A loose arm swing is the way you get speed and hitting power on the ball as it rolls down the lane. In order to have a loose arm swing you must disengage the muscles of your hand, wrist, and forearm in order to be able to swing the ball from your shoulder. Now....go pick up a ball that is way too heavy for you, and with fingerholes that are too big. This will make sure you bowl with a loose arm swing.

  • KEEP YOUR ELBOW LOOSE

    Another big mistake many bowlers make is to "lock-up" their elbow when the ball drops down into the arm swing in order to keep their arm straight. You don't need to lock your elbow to have a straight arm swing, the weight of the ball will straighten out your arm as the ball drops down into the swing. The elbow needs to be relaxed and un-locked in order for the ball to be able to swing loosely and freely from the shoulder and fly from your hand right into the big drunk guy sitting in the lane next to you. Don't worry, there won't be a problem unless the ball you just hoisted spilled his beer.

  • KEEP YOUR GRIP LOOSE

    Two words......BABY OIL. (Trust me!)

  • USE YOUR LOWER BODY

    On your last step get down low to the lane by sliding into a deep knee bend. It looks really cool and impresses the babes, as well as giving you buns of steel without having to buy the video. Hoisting the ball between your legs is a good way to gain accuracy, too!

  • RELAX THAT THUMB

    Make sure your thumb is relaxed and straight when you go to release the ball. If your thumb wants to bend practice sticking it where the sun don't shine while standing still to get the right feel of a relaxed, straight thumb.

  • THE RELEASE AND FOLLOW THROUGH

    Feel your thumb coming out of the ball as it reaches your sliding foot. Make sure your fingers stay in their bent position in the ball, do not let them open up, that way you can slide down the lane with the ball. Sure, you may get your clothes a little oily, but remember...spares are easier to make when you are closer to the pins, and not on the approach area of the lane.

  • ADJUSTING TO OIL TRANSITIONS

    Adjusting to lane conditions is extremely important and comprises 50% of the game today. For dry lanes, try using a little Crisco on your ball. For oily lanes, sawdust and Cat Litter can work wonders!

  • CHOOSING BOWLING BALLS

    Be sure to pick a ball that you think looks nice. Color is everything. It has been my experience that blue balls hit more pins on your first ball, and green ones pick up more spares.

  • USE QUALITY BOWLING SHOES

    Make sure you have high quality bowling shoes if you want to be able to bowl your best. Great shoes can make a huge difference in your game. I like rollerblades, because they give you more speed on the approach, thus giving you a harder hitting ball. Combat boots are also a nice touch.

  • DEVELOP YOUR OWN BOWLING STYLE

    Everyone bowls differently. A good way to start is with stance. Stagger your feet a few inches apart and keep the knee of your starting foot flexed. Put your foot in, then put it out. Put your foot in again, and shake it all about. Do the hokey-pokey, turn yourself around, that's what stance is all about. Keep your ball hand position partly to the side and partly under the ball with your supporting hand partly to the side and partly under the ball. The tips from both pinkys should be touching. If you want an elegant look, you can extend one pinky in a "tea sipping" manner.

  • YOUR MENTAL GAME

    Analyze your game and think about what you're doing when you practice. Use visualization to bowl off the lanes, and into the lane next to you. Sure, the person bowling that lane might get upset, but if you get a strike they won't complain. I have found that excessive quantities of beer also improve bowling skills.

  • SPARE TIP

    Relax when you shoot at spares. Remember...if you don't make the spare, you can always change the score on the computer when the opposing team isn't looking and change your score to pretend you did!

  • WATCH PROFESSIONAL BOWLERS ON TV

    Watch the women and men professional bowlers on television and study how they bowl. Record them with your VCR, invite your drinking buddies over, and watch it back in slow motion while making fun of how big thier ass looks. Remember...the key to being a good bowler is watching bowling on TV, NOT actually playing the sport. Hell...who knows...MAYBE if you watch enough, you might even be as big an expert on bowling like myself! Well....probably not.....

    Email: ihatebob2@hotmail.com

    Bowling Newsgroup: alt.sport.bowling

  • Here is Bob and his bowling team. Ain't they cute?(Bob's the one in the blue dress)

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