I never saw Jack again, at least not until today. I was worried that he would come back, so one month later, after I had saved enough money, I moved to California with Jayvelin. There, I went to auditions and was soon working at a simple theater in Santa Fe. The owner of the theater was a man named Phillip Quinn, who recognized my talent and reluctantly helped me join a much larger theater, where I made a small fortune and had my heart broken from sadness each night.
I was around such perfect happiness. I wore fine clothes and jewels, the other actors and actresses loved me, and the crowds poured in at all my performances, shouting encores and throwing flowers every night. It was everything I had ever dreamed of, yet I was still unhappy.
Two and a half months after arriving, yet another doctor's visit gave me the news that I was pregnant once again. I had already made enough money to support a family of twelve if I wished, and I didn't know how to tell all my fellow actors that I was pregnant. So, after a particularly lively performance, I went backstage, told everyone who I had grown to love that I was leaving, and moved to a much smaller town three hundred miles away to have Jacob.
After his birth, I now had two wonderful children to fawn over and take care of. For years, I numbed myself from everything in my past just to take care of Jacob and Jayvelin. I read to them, I sang to them, and at night, I took them for walks to look up at the stars. I bought them toys, and I bought them books. I took them to parks and other children's homes to make friends. Their world was my world, and I was perfectly fine with that.
Then, on a random night out of hundreds, I woke up from a deep sleep, wide awake. I don't know what caused it. There was this impulsive energy running through me, and the only thought I was capable of was Cal, Cal, Cal.
Oh, I'd thought of him repeatedly, but never had I really paid much attention to it. Now, it was like a siren going off in my head. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night, and in the morning, I quickly dropped the children off with the babysitter, telling her I wouldn't be there to pick them up until late that day.
I had some serious contemplating to do. What had caused this sudden obsession?
Oh, I remember that morning so clearly. I was wearing a light blue dress with dark blue in the billows of the skirt. I'd gathered my hair up and stuck a comb in it, and then I went to a shady tree in a nearby park to be alone with my thoughts.
For hours, I sat in agony. I couldn't put words together to form a sentence in my own mind! I thought I was going insane! Then, like a bolt of lightning, three words screamed out at me. I love Cal!
All of a sudden, all the puzzle pieces fit. I was at peace. In a rush, all the images of Cal came back to me, and I knew another minute away from him would be hell.
The next thing I knew, I was on a train to Philadelphia. My emotions were once again a whirl. I thought of Jack and Cal and of my children and what I was to make of this whole mess. I was entombed in my own thoughts, and a depression came over me. It was all so...confusing. But don't misinterpret me. I was a driven woman. I was on a mission, and I would not live without having fulfilled it.
And it was fulfilled. Until today, at least.