Chapter Ten

Half an hour later, Rose was standing next to her mother, Molly Brown, and Cal on the deck. They had been told to wait there, and then get in the lifeboats. Only women and children at this time, they had said. Rose was cold and she kept looking around in the crowd behind them, kept trying to see Jack's face.

No one was panic-stricken, not yet at least, she thought to herself. On the way to the deck, they had met Thomas Andrews and Rose closed her eyes when she remembered what he had said. His eyes had been full of pain, full of guilt and regret, when he had told them that the ship was really sinking.

Cal had refused to believe him at first, said that the ship was unsinkable, but all Rose could think about was the lifeboats. Would Jack be all right? And, the next second she felt guilty for worrying about Jack. There were so many people on board, so many; it was selfish of her to only worry about Jack.

She remembered seeing Jack's uncle in the crowd inside, where everyone was still dancing and eating, oblivious to the danger, but Jack was nowhere in sight. Why had he left her like that? Not even given her a hint on what he was going to do…but he hadn't known that the ship was really sinking, she hadn't known and she had told him to leave her alone.

She swallowed and looked at Molly Brown, trying to find strength just by looking at her. She seemed so calm, almost wanting to take charge of the whole situation and make things go faster. Wishing that would happen, Rose looked up at Cal. He looked worried and glanced at her absentmindedly as his arm came around her.

But he didn't know what to say to her. He knew that there was something between her and that Jack Dawson, but he didn't know what to do about it. He couldn't very well let her go, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to force her to love him.

"Rose. Come on, darling. Get in the boat," Ruth said suddenly and Rose saw her sitting there, in the wobbly lifeboat. No…I can't go…not without knowing he'll be all right…I have to see him again… her thoughts rushed around inside her, and then she stepped back.

"No. I have to talk to someone first. Good-bye, mother," she said loudly, and gave Cal a cold look, hoping that he would realize that this time, she wouldn't let him force her to do anything.

"Rose!" her mother cried again and again, but Rose just ran, hurrying through the crowds. Cal was right behind her and she could hear his annoyed grunts as she ran even faster, making it harder for him to follow.

She smiled to herself and kept going, ignoring the lifeboats, the people, the screams, the darkness, everything…she just ran. Until…his hand grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to a stop. Cal stood there, breathing hard and his hair stood wildly, his eyes stared at her, as if he was a wild animal, having finally caught his prey.

"You little…you were going to him, weren't you?" Rose narrowed her eyes and gave him the coldest, iciest glare she knew. "So? I've let you control me for far too long now, Caledon," she said angrily, making his name sound like a curse word.

"Now, leave me alone. I have to find Jack. I have to talk to him." She turned again, only to feel Cal jerk her back. He was impossible to escape and she sighed. "Fine, stand here and hold me then. I don't care."

This seemed to make him lose his concentration. "What? Rose, will you please come with me now?"

"No. I have to find Jack first."

Rose refused to obey him again; Cal refused to let her win, so all they could do was stand there. Around them, the crowd was starting to panic and it felt like standing in the middle of a roaring ocean, except here, the waves were people and not water.

Suddenly they both heard a familiar voice and Rose turned to her right. Jack was standing there, leaning over a gunwale, as if trying to touch her. He was standing on the deck above theirs and his uncle was behind him, talking to him angrily.

"Rose! Get to a lifeboat quickly! Please hurry!" Rose saw the fear in his eyes and nodded. Had he found out about the lifeboats too somehow? She swallowed her own fears and smiled at him.

Something else was in his eyes now…his blue eyes that seemed to know everything. It had been there that afternoon, that evening, it had always been there, but she had never seen it so clearly.

It was…something that told her that she could do it, that she could leave Cal. In the panic, in the confusion of the moment she just knew. She knew. She had been an idiot to tell him to leave. She wasn't weak; she wasn't someone everyone could just do what they wanted with. She was strong and she was going to survive and…so was Jack.

"I will, Jack! Do the same for me. I…" She jerked herself away from Cal, who had loosened his grip a bit and was just looking at Jack in shock. Who did this man think he was? Talk to his fiancée like that…

Rose looked at Jack intensely, ignoring Cal completely now.

"Jack! I…was wrong. I'm sorry!" she screamed, but the words were only meant for Jack and he was the only one who understood what they meant. It meant that she did love him after all, not Cal.

Jack grinned happily in reply and Rose felt like dancing around, screaming for joy. But…reality hit again. "I know! Just get to a boat, Rose. Hurry!" were the last words Jack managed to say, before his uncle tore him away from the gunwale. Rose saw the two men arguing and then Jack disappeared.

"All right, Cal. Take me to a lifeboat now," Rose smiled and looked at her fiancé…no, former fiancé. Cal shook his head. He looked completely bewildered now and led her back to the boats in silence. She was leading him actually, because he seemed to have fallen apart completely.

"You…you're precious to me, Rose," he whispered softly, close to her ear as they waited for another lifeboat. She smiled at him, her mind elsewhere.

"Jewels are precious. Good-bye, Mr. Hockley. I believe it's my turn to go aboard now."

She looked at his face, so different now. He looked like he had realized something, understood that she wasn't happy with him. It had to take a complete idiot not to realize it until now.

"I am sorry, Rose," he breathed and she had to lean closer to him to hear what he said. When she understood the words, she just looked at him.

"I…don't know what to say." She couldn't forgive him, not like this, not yet. Not now.

She touched his shoulder awkwardly; still reliving the other day--every time he touched her she felt the pain and fear again. "Good-bye, Cal."

She let him help her get on the lifeboat. For a second or two she wanted to get back on the safe ship. The space between the ship and the boat was too big, too dark and too frightening, but she closed her eyes and then found herself sitting next to an old woman and a young girl--both were annoyed about having been woken up in the middle of the night.

Rose looked up at Cal, who was staring at her with a mixture of feelings in his eyes. Love, anger, regret, hatred…all of it was there and she smiled suddenly. It was the smile she had used to give him back home, when they had just gotten engaged and everything was all right. She had never really loved him, but he had always made her feel beautiful…until…a few months ago.

He gave her the same smile back and they looked at each other in understanding. But Rose knew that he would have forgotten all about this next morning.

Just when they were about to reach the water, she saw Jack's face. He was leaning over the gunwale again, this time a few decks further down. He didn't say anything; he just smiled at her, tears shining in his blue eyes.

"You're doing the right thing," he seemed to tell her, but when he looked at her like that, she almost wanted to jump back on the ship.

"I'll wait for you," she tried to mouth, because her voice had died completely and her throat was full of salty tears. He smiled at her, nodding.

"I'll be all right," he said loudly and she nodded, still smiling.

Her smile had long faded when the last screams faded away and she looked up from the floor. She had covered her face with her hands when she had given up on trying to make the officer see that they could save those people. She had begged him, over and over again to go back, save some of them, but he had refused.

After a while, Rose had given up. Her throat was getting sore and no one else seemed to be willing to go back. She was tired and she couldn't fight everyone on the boat. So she gave up and just prayed, begged, hoped, wished that Jack would be okay.


Cal walked slowly, almost as if he was walking in his sleep. Rose was lost…but it didn't take long for his old feelings to come to the surface and he sat down in the stateroom, enjoying the silence. Soon…all of it would be at the bottom of the ocean.

He had think of something that would get Rose back under his control. He had thought that forcing her to love him would work, that suffocating her would work…it all had worked, until that Jack had walked into her life.

That man had thought that he could just take Caledon Hockley's fiancée…Cal poured himself a whiskey and then leaned back in the chair.

On a sudden impulse he got up and started shoving the diamond, jewels and money in his pockets and then he sank down in the chair again, still drinking.

Cal never saw the water entering the room, slowly, almost like an uninvited guest. He never saw the water rise higher and higher, he was too drunk to notice. And then…when he woke up, he was sitting in the middle of the ocean.

Meanwhile Jack was desperately searching for a way to stay on the ship as long as possible. His uncle Jacob and his valet had decided to die like gentlemen and after trying to convince Jack to do the same, his uncle had given up. Jack had hugged his uncle one last time and almost cried when he saw the determination in his eyes.

"You don't want to even try?" he asked softly, not able to imagine his life with his uncle. He loved him so much, he had always been like his father and now he was going and never coming back. He had never understood why Jack loved Rose, why he loved someone else's fiancée. But it didn't matter…it didn't matter anymore.

When he had seen Rose on deck, Jacob had tried to talk him out of speaking to her, but then…finally, it seemed like Jacob understood. He saw the love in Jack's eyes.

"I'm going to…I have to hurry…" he said and Jacob nodded, smiling.

"Go for it with Rose, Jack. I should never have tried to stop you from talking to her. I saw the way she looked at you."

Jack leaned forwards and hugged his uncle again, feeling the familiar security leave as he tried to remember that Jacob was going to die. He had found out about the lifeboats by coincidence, heard some of the crewmen talk about it. The first thought had been that he had to tell Rose somehow. She had to survive this…she had to.

After talking to her that morning, he had spent the day trying to think of a way to make her understand that she could get away from Cal. He had even talked to Trudy, found out from her just how badly Cal had treated Rose. He had given up just before dinnertime and actually had quite a good time with Melanie, but when he had seen Rose, the smile had faded.

She looked so unhappy and he felt that he had to follow he back to her stateroom, make sure that she didn't do anything stupid. She hadn't…instead the white iceberg had appeared…

Tears filled Jack's eyes now and he backed away, hurrying to the stairs. He ran and ran, thinking about both Rose and his uncle. He prayed that she was safe, that it wasn't too cold in the lifeboat.

People, people everywhere, moving towards him, moving in the same direction…they were everywhere! Everywhere! He tried to shut out the screams, prayers and just move as fast as he could. The floor was tilting and he ran faster, panicking.

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…" a man walking right in front of him said desperately, but hope was still in his voice.

"You wanna walk a little faster through that valley, there?" Jack yelled and moved past the praying man, running even faster.

When the ship was sinking vertically, Jack had enough sense to climb over the railing and hang on, on the other side this time. This was where he had pulled Rose back over the railing…only a few hours ago, not longer. He held on tightly and closed his eyes, blocking out all the cries.

"Help me, please help me," someone said very close to him and he had to, he had to open his eyes.

A girl, about Rose's age was clinging to the railing, but she was on the wrong side…

With a deep and nagging feeling that this was wrong, that he had to do something, Jack gave her his hand reluctantly. He pulled her up slowly and just as she had managed to climb over the railing, Jack slipped.

He lost his grip on the steel railing and felt himself falling. Falling, falling and falling…the air met him with its cold embrace and then he landed in the icy water, screaming and only seeing Rose's face before his eyes.

That was the last thing he remembered, then blackness surrounded him and all was lost.

Chapter Eleven