We, as a church see many things we do not agree with, sometimes even hate. And as is human nature, we seek to destroy these things. Occasionly, our benevolent God, or our Vice-God, finds something they hate SO much, they desire it destroyed. They declare a Jihad, or holy war, against it. It is the duty of the followers of the church to destroy these things a Jihad is called against at all costs!
Current Jihads...
The Olsen Twins- I know what you're thinking. We haven't seen Mary-Kate and Ashley in years. But under the surface of pop culture, they are ther, like a festering cancer. And when the people of earth least expect it, BOOM! They will be back, controlling our minds. And when their Hegomony is finally established on Earth, and we are all working, carving the Moon into a giant sculpture of their faces, and it will be up to the brave men, women and cats of UCOM to head up the human resistance, there will be a lot of people saying "Damn. Wish I had listened to Matt."
Those Guys, Who Come Into the Gas Station Where you Work And Give You A Hard Time- Man, I hate those guys
Kelly Clarkson- Ag. That's all there is to say. And what's up with that "Miss Independent" song? Wasn't she put into power by American network television?
Britany Spears-I know what all you guys out there are thinking. WE too thought it at one time, and in fact still do. She's hot, you say. However, does her looks give her an excuse to fill our radios, and our TVs with her incessent wailing? Is that an excuse to fill our toystores with her dolls, and our music stores with her CDs? No. No it is now. Thus, she must be stopped, but not destroyed. She must be made into no more than a peice of eye candy.
Jar Jar Binks-This twisted being caused a swath of destruction through Star Wars Episodes 1 AND 2, and may make a return for Episode 3. Happily, due to his pivotal role in the devolpment of the empire, we finally have good cause to hate him. Rise up, Good People of UCOM! And seek out those computers that spawned him, and destroy them. And beat the talent back into Lucas, while you are at.
Yu-Gi-Oh! and All the Other Children's Anime-Normally, Matt have no problem with Anime. Matt's even been known to enjoy it on occasion. Heck, the Vice-God has a wide collection of Tentecle Rape Videos. However, these animes created as nothing more the marketing ploys, and fill our game stores with mewling children are an abomination. Make them pay
Hanson-MWAHAHA!!! They aattempted a comeback, but due to the bravery of the brave men and women and animals of UCOM, they were stopped! But we must not let out guard down. They may return at any time. Be vigilent!
