Krakow, Poland--European werewolves are howling mad over Russian scientists' controversial new plan to blow up the moon!
"It is abundantly clear that this effort is directed at us--none of us are buying this talk about how it's supposed to 'improve the weather,'" fumes Zbigniew Orlowski, chairman of the Pan-European Lycanthropy Association, a Krakow-based support group. "How stupid do they think we are?"
"I suppose we're expected to just sit back and accept this latest effort to drive us into extinction. But we're not going to stand for it."
The scheme to obliterate the moon using hundreds of nuclear warheads was introduced earlier this year by a team of top Russian scientists, led by Dr. Anton Khruinsky, as Weekly World News and other newspapers reported.
He says the goal is to alter the tilt axis of Earth, which would bring year-round spring to the entire world.
"We certainly weren't thinking about werewolves when we made our proposal to President Putin," Dr. Khruinsky said in a phone interview from Moscow.
"But obviously, if there's never a full moon, no one is going to turn into a werewolf. I would term it a side benefit."
Lycanthropy, or werewolfism, is one of the oldest known yet least understood of all medical conditions. Described in medical texts dating back to ancient Greece, the tragic illness causes sufferers to run around on all fours, howl at the moon, bite other humans and, in extreme cases, take on certain canine physical characteristics.
The condition has been attributed over the centuries to a variety of causes, ranging from demon possession to hormonal imbalances to a rabies-like virus.
The only thing the medical researchers agree upon is that the disorder is triggered by the full moon.
"The full moon has an effect on the behavior of all human beings and it has particular effect on lycanthropy sufferers," said a California endocrinologist who treats the disease.
The nonprofit Pan-European Lycanthropy Association was founded in 1986.
We teach people not to be ashamed of being lycanthropes, that it's a condition you can live with," says Orlowski.
American experts also have attacked the blow-up-the-moon idea as impractical.
"Lycanthropy is a complex disorder," said the California doctor. "The way to handle it is with a variety of available therapies. Blowing up the moon is totally reckless."