Behold, the ultimate in evil, boring, brain-dead "art" films!

I'm sure that by now most people have heard about the latest remake of Shakespeare's®Hamlet, and this one looks like it could quite possibly become the most popular yet, because in addition to having subject matter that most children are told from a very early age is "great" and that they have "bad taste" if they don't like it, it has the original, unaltered dialog, albeit heavily edited to make it seem almost tolerable. But that's not the best part. No, the best part is that all of this unmodified, "Shakespearian®" dialog is spoken within the context of a modern, urban setting! If that doesn't spell "plausible entertainment" to you, then buddy ('ey?), you don't know art. Or Jack. But I digress. Or something.

 Imagine, if you will, a man and a woman in a movie theatre (the 3l337 spelling), calling each other "lady" and "my lord." Actually, I was so annoyed by the whole idea of it that I didn't remember what they were saying, but I'm sure I'll find out the next time one of those egotistically bloated ack-taurs goes on television to tell me about it. "Yeah, instead of a play within a play it's a movie within a movie, y'know?" Yes, I do, in fact, know. I just wish I could forget.

 But perhaps I am biased. Indeed, I am of the belief that Shakespeare® could have written something like this...

This apple doth displease me
Doing doingle doo doth dibbledib
If'n thou art willing to lend me thine ears
They would surely appease my appetite
Better than apple. Cuz it displeases me

 ...and some nerd could find a way to interpret it so that it appears to be the greatest testament to Shakespeare's® genius ever. It's true. They do the same thing with the Bible.

 Hamlet is sure to be most popular among people who couldn't get enough of That Movie With the Four Screens, the name of which escapes me now. The only way Hamlet could possibly get any more TrEnDy would be if it had badly updated, adlibbed, Shakespeare® material done by volunteers from the audience, on four screens, with bad camera work and no re-takes. Oh, and it must be on streaming Real-Video, too.

 This uhhh... collection of sentences was written rather sloppily on 5/18/00 by Roneldo. Or so the Communists would have you believe.