(Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, EVER click on that advertisement!)

The Inaudible Cabinet of Indifferent Breakfast Burritos
(I haven't decided on a name yet)

“I'll never see myself in the hand is worth two in the upper region of the mouth.”

This site is best viewed on a computer that is not a Macintosh, mainly because I only know the names of about 4 Macintosh FONTs.

It's spinning!  WOW! This one is too!  WOW! They're ALL spinning!  WOW!

Mmmkay, I see the counter. I'll change my little "greeting" as soon as I think of something better. But I know that the counter is innacurate, because people have to come back to this page before they can look at another. I'll need to implement some frames. If I ever figure it out.

And it's still here:
You have accidently stumbled onto an incomplete, ugly, worthless excuse for a "web page." I say "accidently" because there is no plausible reason for anyone to visit this page. I'm not looking for sympathy, and am merely being truthful. This page is awful, "The Lion King" awful. Incidentally, if you liked "The Lion King" then you will probably hate this page. If you don't like "The Lion King," as I don't, then you still will hate this, much like I do. Not that I am attempting to imply similarities between me and someone who doesn't even have enough sense to leave a bad "web page" when the author tells them it is, I am just stating facts. So there.

Another thing; all of the graphics that this page attempts to display exist. If they do not load properly, consider yourself fortunate.

Oooh.  Pretty.

For optimal (possibly) viewing, download and install these FONTS!

This is the entire True-Type Zapf FONT collection, or at least a collection of all of the Zapf FONTs that hadn't become corrupted on the FONT CD-ROM.  America OnLine gave me a difficult time uploading it. I wasn't planning on uploading this one, but I noticed that I had used it on the ''Zounds!'' page, and I needed another FONT to fill space anyway.
It's a crappy Windows excuse for the MS-DOS FONT! This one is difficult to use properly.
It's actually a slightly bloated ''Olde English'' FONT, but it's all that I have. These two FONTs are sort of large, but I don't know why.
This FONT is the closest matching to that of the SPAM can that I have found so far.
Please inform me if you cannot download the FONTs. Uploading ZIP files is Hellish with WS-FTP and America OnLine. Oh, and I have no idea of how non-Windows operating systems handle FONTs, so don't be terribly shocked if these [FONTs] don't function on said systems.

Recent Developments
(That sounds more intriguing than "news")
1/13/00
Uri Geller is (or claims to be) a psychic. He is also insane. Not in the "ha ha. He is INSANE," type of way, but more in a "oh my Flob, that man is insane" sort of sense. Look at this "Wolf Files" report from ABCNEWS, and know that I did not go looking for this. I have tried to stay away from ABC. It annoys me slightly more than CBS. I found the link on another site. Isn't this stupid how I am trying to disassociate myself from ABC? Anyway, it should be gone in a week, so if you want to see it, look now.
1/10/00
So, Don Martin's dead, America OnLine has "merged" with Time Warner and the only people who ever look at this page are teachers at the school I attend, so suffice to say I am not happy. Someone also left a strange anonymous question in my guestbook thingie seemingly inquiring about the hard-to-read text. I would like to ask people to be more specific about such things, as I myself do not like the page enough to prance about happily in search of a dysfunctional background image.
1/2/00
What's all of this "Entertaindom.com" nonsense? 3D Superman is more powerful than your computer! Dr. Science knows more than you do! If their only hope of attracting visitors is to make people feel bad about themselves, then I'm afraid that their site isn't going to last for too long, because modern American people are more proud of themselves and arrogant than they have ever been before. The Entertaindom people also claim that you can talk to "God" if you visit their site. That's just balderdash.
1/01/00
Oh no. I have to pay royalties now, because I typed those numbers. Well, my father celebrated the new year in the traditional manner. The insane, drunk, English manner, by forcing, I guess the tallest person in the house, therefore not me, to go outside with wine (or champagne, or something like that) bread, and "some money in your pocket," and knock on the door after the year officially starts, and wait to be let in. I think it's supposed to bring good luck, or fortune as some would say, but in the past year my family has officially run out of money, my father was diagnosed with cancer, and I started a web page, so it can't be very effective. But it is, in my opinion, preferrable to standing around in 34º weather with thousands of other morons in "corporate bitch" (as Pimpbot might say) Times Square waiting for an asbestos coated ball to fall and crush me (because I'd be gullible). I almost wish that there had been a terrorist attack, because that would have been more interesting, and a giant third-world nation manufactured explosion would have been far more spectacular than that pathetic fire works display (at this point I am purposely looking for controversy). The stuff in Portugal was prettier, and the camera work was better too. Send all death threats to the address listed below.
12/28/99
I am angry now. Find out why.
12/28/99
Yesterday I went to the Trumble (that's a town in Connecticut) mall, and while I was walking past the Old Navy store, I saw some person in a wheelchair with a dog. I said something to my mother (I don't have a car nor do I know how to drive one) about the dog looking like "Magic," (the dog that was featured in Old Navy advertisements before the company executives realised that the cast of "The Jeffersons" could be obtained for a lower price than dog trainers) and strangely enough, they went right into the store. Isn't that a funny story? ... Then make your own Pogspammed “web page,” you lazy SOD!

Schtuff
I was hoping that the content could be the focus of the page, but I had worked on about 5 or 6 "sub-pages" and realized that none of them were worth looking at. Do you care?
PEEP! <(ˆ -ˆ)>

Zounds!There's not much to say about this besides that it is stupid and the first "sub-page" that I made. Ever.

How to draw POG. Please don't send complaints about this one until you've seen ALL of it.

You might be a “Computer Dork if... "If what?" SHUT UP! I'm a little bit embarrassed by this one now...

In the year 2,000. This has little to do with "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," though it is mentioned.

Broken News.Gaw, gee. Wasn't that clever? This is my impersonal collection of incoherent ramblings. If it was personal, it might still be here, since no one's going to click on it anyway.

An Instant Message I Received.  This is based on a true story. Except that it's presented in it's entirety, rather than 21 minutes with commercial breaks.

The Opaneulic Glossary A description of some of the more bizarre words that I am capable of using, and "opaneulic" isn't one of them. I encourage other people to use these words in their everyday speech.

A Message From Debe The first in a series, unless everyone hates it.

Why is this still here? It has no relevance and serves no purpose!

This might look dumb now, but it used to be animated and looked even worse.  And the red stuff was supposed to be hair, but the background makes it look like blood.
I hate those stupid ‘‘under construction’’ messages. I also hate this one because it looks stupid, thus keeping with the theme.

If you think about what this means, it really doesn't seem so absurd.

Clicking on this crappic opens up a send mail window. Please remember that if you do decide to send mail, keep in mind that it won't get to me unless you remove ‘‘isevil’’ from the address area of your mail thingie. I noticed a direct connection between the amount of harassment (junk) mail that I receive and the validity of the default address.

Whoa...  Colour.

This thing counts how many times this old version of the site has been viewed.
Yes. This site is really popular. I actually really hate the way this counter looks. The Angelfire people won't tell me how to reconfigure it.

If you like what you see so far,(let us be honest. Not even I like it so far) then please come back in a month, or year... I'll most likely have more new nonsense for you to peruse.

Rainbow vomit. Would you like to see my retarded (please pardon the mis-use of "retarded") excuse for a "guest-book?" ... Well, if you change your mind, click one of the following hyperlinks.
Engrave the Pest Tablet    Gaze upon the Pest Tablet
If you're thinking that you'd rather be contacting me directly, like, say, (living in the United States makes people say "like") by using electronic mail, here are some reasons why that's not such a good idea.

This site is most likely not
Where did Chuckles get those shoes?
since I have no idea what it is.
Actually, I do. It's a Unix based operating system with funny quotation marks.

Click here to visit the top 5% of Portugese sites. This one isn't on the list, but, wouldn't that be funny if it was?A crust of bread might cure me rickets!

This piece of garbage was created by Roneldo (Oh. Yes. That's my REAL name. Uh-huh. Sure.) on 8/9/99, and last modified on 12/13/00. As if you gave a modicum.

I was annoyed at the way html documents would refuse to display certain MS-DOS characters so I did this:
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